how hard do you think it really is to be a single mother?

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Tanya - posted on 09/02/2009

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I was a single mom of 2 daughters for 12 years. MOST things are a lot harder! It's hard financially, emotionally and spiritually to be the ONLY parent for your children. I think being single is healthier than being a poor role model in a BAD marriage. Kids know when things are not working out. I would never choose to parent alone, but if a father is choosing to not be involved and you two can't work it out, then you get resolved to be the best mommy/daddy you can be and march through it.

One of the good things is not having to argue about parenting and discipline. You get to do it ALL YOUR WAY. (so hopefully you are good at it!) lol

Unfortunately one of the hard parts is that your kids will not ALWAYS give you the credit you deserve and sometimes even blame you for their growing up without a dad.

Build your support group of family and friends around you.

Best wishes.
Tanya

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Sarah - posted on 09/22/2009

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I am the child of a single mother. As a mother myself now I have to say that she is the bravest strongest person I know. My husband is currently deployed, his 2nd tour in Iraq. Last time he left 4 days before our youngest was born. I struggle and I have his total financial and emotional support. I have a small taste of what it is like to be a single mom and I have to say to all of you single moms out there thank you and some day your kids will know how much you have sacraficed for them. If this is what is best for you and your child you should do it. It will be a long hard road. Reach out to your family, friends, and your community.

Jessica - posted on 09/22/2009

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With a little help it's not so bad. Even just having one or two close people to help from time to time makes it relativly easy.. at least thats how it's been for me so far.

Tamra - posted on 09/22/2009

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It is really hard. I mom raised my sister and I on her own. She is an amazing woman and I always had everything I needed but most of all I had love, understanding and strength to look up to. I asked her once how she did it and she said you just take it one day at a time and you always give your best because you know it's worth it ;)

Sara - posted on 09/22/2009

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speaking as somebody who has done both it is so hard, and I don't wish it on anybody. I was a single mother with my first son for 2 years and we never had enough, I always felt guilty and it was a constant struggle. I don't ever regret the decision to do ti it just was a constant strain. There were times when I had to choose between buying groceries and paying the bills. And that was with the support of my family. There is nothing more precious to me than my kids I just wish I would have been able to give more to my son in those first years.

Laura - posted on 09/15/2009

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It can be very hard. I just have to take it one day at the time. Having a strong faith in God has helped. My family has been wonderful and very supportative.

Sarah - posted on 09/10/2009

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I've been a single mom since I was 15. It took a great family and good friends and determination to get where I am today(which is looking like I am heading for the single life again... ugh) I had to learn to put my pride aside and that I can't do it all. Learn when to ask for help and accept it. I worked hard, graduated high school and and got a good career while having kept 2-4 jobs at a time and deal with medical issues. The key to keeping my relationship with my children now 5 & 8 is make the most of what you get. I had to work hard to put the kids in a good/safe neighborhood and allow them to do sports. I don't think they ever feel like they are left out or less then. It is all in how you teach them and raise them. Get a support system and use it. I have spent many night crying, alone, broke and fustrated.. If I can do it anyone can do it. Positive attitude and determination will get any single parent through and your children will respect you and love you for it.

Adrienne - posted on 09/10/2009

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I think it would be really tough without a support system - family, friends to help out. I never really knew what it was like until my baby was born and could not imagine doing it alone (unless I absolutely had to). My sister is a single Mom and she struggled but her children turned out great. It is not for the weak hearted and will definitely be a huge challenge. Unfortunately, lots of women (and men) are single parents and I admire their courage and daily fortitude to keep being as good a parent as they can be.

Susan - posted on 09/09/2009

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It can be so hard and lonely at times and so amazing at others. I have been a single mon since my girls were 10 (twins) they are now 19 and doing great. The three of us are very close. I think that is what you get from being a single mom. The closeness.

It's always been us against the world. Just be honest with your kids and support them the best that you can.

Kathy - posted on 09/08/2009

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It can be just as hard as a couple raising children with one parent always at work . You need too find groups that can help. Some communities offer mother and child activities and different support groups. Look in the community service pages in the phone book.

[deleted account]

I'm at the very beginning of a separation. I found my husband cheating and was already putting up w/ unacceptable behavior in our marriage. I have 4 children between 2 and 9. I know there is a long hard road ahead, but I am a strong, capable, intelligent woman and we will be just fine. I know divorce is hard on everyone, but I refuse to remain committed to a cheater and would hate to think that my children would grow up thinking it is ok to not honor your marriage vows. I just keep reminding myself that I am doing the right thing.

Terrie - posted on 09/06/2009

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It's been 2yrs and 9 mos since he walked out the door. I have triplets and another child. It is excruciatingly hard, it can be full of tears, it is lonely and tiring. I actually have lying in a fetal position crying in a corner as one of my activities on facebook. But and it's a huge BUT, it is the most rewarding job I have ever had. I am so much closer to my children, I have become so much more independent and happy on my own. I know what my children are doing (except when they're at daddy's), and what they're eating and I am raising them with pride. I am learning new things about people, me and raising kids every day. They make me laugh and beam with joy. It will always be a challenge especially with the ongoing fighting over custody and monies with my ex husband. It doesn't get easier it just gets different. They don't thank you. Half the time they don't notice and that can be the hardest thing that there is no one to back you up. But knowing that I can do it on my own is amazing!!!

Cynthia - posted on 09/05/2009

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I have raised my son my day one. You must have a positive attitude. People ask me, how come it looks so easy for you. Well I say, if I was married, I would be winnie and needy but as a single mother, if I was to complain, wine or be angry, I would have to listen to me and that could get real boring. So suck it up and when you get down (I do sometimes) look at the wonderful child smiling at you, sleeping or just playing. He or she loves you unconditionaly.

[deleted account]

I'm not a single Mum, I have a very supportive husband. I think single Mums are amazing people and deserve respect and support. Parenting is hard enough when you have a partner but I can only imagine how hard it is if you're on your own.

Julia - posted on 09/05/2009

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I was a single mum from the time my eldest was 6mths old. Financially it was a disaster. I remember times when if it wasnt for my mum we wouldnt have eaten at all. But things improve, we got furniture and paid our own way. I got work and so on...but I missed out on all the invites out with friends as I was so young (17/18) they assumed I wouldnt go. A few years later I met a great guy (I thought) and life ticked along, then 5 years later he cheated with a much younger woman and left me 6 months pregnant with our child. Back to the beginning. During this time I had worked 2 jobs and was buying our first home, when he left I sold my house and moved. My mum died from cancer and shortly after I had a stroke (mild). My family had distanced themselves from me and friends didnt know how to handle any of it. If it hadnt been for my eldest daughter (10) I dont know what I would have done, she handled the baby (3), she lost her childhood but saved my dignity and heart. The bank took the house because I couldnt work, and there we were at the beginning again. But I had my girls and I was alive. We ticked along, my youngest never even seeing me hold hands with a man. Then 6 years ago, she was 13 he literally arrived at me door, (I bought a pc so I could work from home). We have been married now for 41/2 years and my daughters adore him. I have 3 step sons who are wonderful and one grand child with 2 more due by December. My love for my children surpassed all and gave me strength. My time unable to talk gave me time alone with God and now I give back those blessings through a not for profit org I have created to raise funds for orphans in Nepal. At the time I thought I was the lonleist person in the world, so hard done by. But karma never turns a blind eye and I am now surrounded with love and girlfriends having first babies who have no idea how on earth I did it all on my own! Mothers have a strenght that just is and cant be described. Blessings to each and every one of you.

Denise (Dee) - posted on 09/05/2009

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It sure is not the easiest job, but we made it. My son is now 23. He graduated from college and has a great job. He is also married & has a beautiful family, His son is like him at the same age in so many ways. We had our moments & times I wish I could do over but I am so very proud of him. We had the world's greatest relationship until I made the biggest mistake ever but we are still friends. There are regrets and there are lots of happy times. I don't think I would trade the experiences, Just remember to give lots of love & follow through with what you say & mean what you say.

Jacque - posted on 09/05/2009

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I'm not going to tell you it wasn't hard, What I will tell you is ,it will get better. You are the only one who can make it better. I raised my 2 daughter after their father & I divorced, with no help from him , a $50.00 a week support check.They are now both married with their own children, & I must of done some thing right because we are very close & I will never look back. You do what you have to, I did have help from my parents from time to time, but they both had full time jobs as well, so I know what it's like to work, pay a baby sitter,pays bills, goinmg without, seeing them not have what the other kids have & then trying to find time for them as well as your self. You will, it will all works out. Just be sure to tell them you love them every chance you get. Kiss them good night. Doesn't matter how much you have, it's what you show them that count. That they are loved & your there doing every thing you can. I'm am still single & don't really care if I do get married, for me it's all behind me, For you & others it's just starting.Hard yes!! in more ways then I can explain. Rewarding in the end. Yes very much so. Hang in there.

Sharyn - posted on 09/02/2009

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I don't think you would choose to be a single Mum. I have 2 children 14 year old daughter and 7 year old son. I have been on my own for almost 5 years. It is tiring, relentless, exhausting, finacially a struggle and thankless. I have no family (in the state I live in) and unfortunatly due to circumstances do not have many friends to call upon. However my 7 year old is having difficulties so I do use Government facilities such as Pediatrician, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Occupational Therapist, Speech Therapist and many more. I attend alot of free parenting courses and I also draw strength from watching Supernanny.

Linda - posted on 09/02/2009

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I can be very challenging to be a single mom, but rewarding at the same time. You have to remember, in all things be consistant. That is difficult to do at the end of a long work day when you would really like to take the easy way out of things. Kids need consistancy and routine to feel secure. I raised two girls and three grandchildren as a single mom. It was difficult often, but worth every minute.

Katie - posted on 09/02/2009

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Its tough, but the situation wasnt healthy for my son to be around.... his father and I judt didnt get along. For an example... yesterday after I picked up my little boy from day care, I noticed my 22 mo. old putting his finger in his ear and saying ouch... he had never had an ear infection before, so I gave him tylenol and in the morning he was doing it again. So I called his doctor to make an appointment, I was supposed to be to work at 9am and here it was 8am, so they sqeezed me in at 9:30, went to the doctor, took forever but they discovered he had an ear infection and some weezing and wanted to put him on a nebulizer (a breathing machine). So by the time I got his perscriptions filled, gave him the medicine and dropped him off at day car so I could rush to work since Im the only financial provider... they called and asked me if I wanted to just take the day off. Ugh... thats just one day in the life of a single mom. Unfortunetly, I dont have family close by and have disconnected myself from friends that werent living a lifestyle I wanted around my son. So, I have started going to church, making friends with other moms, neighbors and started asking for help and advice from those I trust. I know me and my son are going to be much better off... it will be a journey, but in the end we will both be much happier.

Christina - posted on 09/02/2009

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It can be hard. I only did it for a short time but I went through my pregnancy single as well. I think that I found a stronger bond with my son being just the two of us. Family and friends help a lot too! It can be done and I think that it makes a stronger person out of us!

Lena - posted on 09/02/2009

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know what you mean. My mom helped me alot with both of my kids. looking back now that mine are 17 and 12, i cant imagine trying to do without the support and help from my families. I salute those who do and do it well

Sherry - posted on 09/02/2009

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I am a single mom. I have loved every moment of their growing up. It does get hard at times, but when you look into those eyes you know its worth all the hardship. I was luckey enough to have my mom help me w/babysitting while I worked. So having a family to help is a plus. Now since my baby is 19yrs I get to look back at all the memories and I treasure all of them.

Lena - posted on 09/02/2009

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There are those out there who just do not get how hard it really is to be a single mom. I was a single mom from the time my oldest was 3 years old and then when she was

4 1/2 and had another child. So I was a single mom with two and it was hard, I thank God everyday for my family and friends, because it really does take a "village to raise a child." So there are those who understand and sympathize and there are others who critisize. Just block the negativity out of your mind and allow all the positivity in

Emmy - posted on 09/02/2009

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i was a single mum at 15 since i was 8 months pregant till my son was 8 months old, and i enjoyed it, dont get me wrong i love having a family now, and it was exhausting some times and i was very protective of him, always doing everything, but it was so rewarding i had the support of my family, who were always there if i did need them and that was great. anything is possible, i was scared when i first reliased i was guna b a single mum, but once my son was born i new i could do it, he needed me and that is all that mattered. he is 3 now and is an incredible boy i now also have a daughter but while im not a single mother any more, i kno it is possible no matter how old u r or ur children,i wish u and ur kids all the best of luck :)

Kylie - posted on 09/02/2009

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i haven't been there before but my sister was a single mum for years the dad found out she was pregnant and then POOFF!!!! vanished ...she worked really hard and i would watch emmy so she could go to work ...alot of people give her crap about it and i hated that because she always tried her best and emmy always had everything she needed and my sister was a good person. She has since married but she still works and still does the same stuff to make sure emmy has all she needs and whatever happens she will have me and my family's support..

Megan - posted on 09/02/2009

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It seems a bit scary at times, especially when you're young (I'm 23, and have been alone since the pregnancy started). I am just so fortunate that my parents, sisters and friends have been a huge source of support for me during this time. Keep your chin up, and know that you can do it! ^_^

Anna - posted on 09/02/2009

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it's very hard if u don't have family whose on your side. but if you hve family that would help and guild you through the rough edges then u are good.

Carrie - posted on 09/02/2009

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It can be done. You just have to take it one day at a time. Having a good support system will help alot. If you don't have any family a close friend works just as well. You have to make some sacrifices but they pay off in the end. You might even have to put your personal life on hold, but it will get better.

Maureen - posted on 09/02/2009

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I have been a single mom for about 4 years since my girls were 3 1/2 and just 2. I have 3 very close friends who are also single moms and we are all in our mid 40's. It is very challenging at times and incredibly exhausting but I think it has made me a very strong and independent woman. (Maybe even too independent - I don't know how to ask for or accept help very well) Two of my friends are really struggling with it. Both emotionally and financially. I think the key is having a strong support system of friends and having family nearby. I am so very fortunate that my parents live close.

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