How many nights a week would you let you husband go to the bar?

Tracy - posted on 07/09/2009

You have choices, honey! He is not being respectful to you, and he is not setting a good example for your daughter. Get out now before it gets violent. He has to make the choice to change, and he needs a wake up call. Good luck, sweetie!

Carlina - posted on 07/09/2009

It's easy for someone to say ...."LEAVE HIS ASS!!!!" then for you to actually do it...
I would normally tell my friends with problem to try work things out and give advice to fix the problem but in your case....' LEAVE HIS ALCOHOLIC ASS!!!" Here..
1. He is an alcoholic- an addiction that can ruin yours and your daughters life, bad environment and example for your daughter.
2. Double standard - he cannot go to bars and hang out and expect you to constantly stay home and not do anything especially if he doesn't want to go do things with you..
3. Immaturity - So you go out and he flips and hides money and keys???? I dont know how old you guys are but thats too weird.
I know love makes us do and accept more than we should and weirdest things but there come a time when you need to start thinking for your kids and yourself.
I'm in a 16 year relationship and i'm 34.....have gone through some crazy things and up and downs but there's a reason why we are still together, I put my foot down on certain things and he gave in.....I refuse to put my kids through things because of my own or my husbands wrong doing. Good luck to you and I hope one day you will have the courage to put your foot down and take what you and your daughter deserve!!!!!

Stephanie - posted on 07/09/2009

Take your daughter and go to the nearest womens shelter. That is abuse and you do not deserve that.

Jaime - posted on 07/09/2009

LEAVE HIM. He is abusive and will only get worse.

Your daughter needs to be shown what a healthy, supportive relationship looks like or she couod end up in the exact same position you seem to be in; and I am sure you want only happiness for her.

Milissa - posted on 07/09/2009

what is with all these women staying with these horrible men??????? Hello. since when is his drunk self more important than your daughter? You are training her what type of man to marry, LEAVE HIM!!!! If you don't think you are worth protecting than think of her. Things alway start out with a little abuse and then progresses. I left a man who tried to strangle me!!! I had to do it! it took me 3 tries but i did it. They are not going to change! he knows he has a problem and is not changing, so what makes you think it will get better. You can't control him. he will do what he wants to. But more importantly he CAN'T control you either. You staying there is a choice. you can and should leave.!!! If you keep doing what your doing, you will keep getting what your getting!!!

Amber - posted on 07/09/2009

It is soo sad that you are soo abused, financially and emotionaly, that you are asking how many nights a week would another woman let her husband go to the bar. I am amazed by yor story. You poor thing, I would beat (to a bloody pulp) my husband if he acted 1/10 as aweful as yours. You need to first understand that you are abused and your husband is an absolute ass. 2 grow some balls and tell him what you deserve from your relationship. And lastly if he does not comply grow the balls to get the hell out of that hell hole! Screw Him. But to answer your question I wouldn't mind if maybe once a week my husband went out alone. However we don't go out seperate regularly. We have and have not fought about it. But the truth is we are both 30 and we go out once a week together. Good Luck love is tough but living a loveless or abusive one is worse for you and your child.

Heather - posted on 07/09/2009

I'm sorry your going through this, Firstof all he shoulden't be going to bars at all. He is a married man now. The way of ones lifestyle changes when you become one. He should be more devoted to you and try to share some of the same interests as you. You should be doing things together. Eventually going to the bar and drinking will esculate into bigger problems. It just seems to me that he dosen't have any respect for you or hisself. And what kind of example is he setting for your daughter. She dosen't need to grow up thinking marriage is supposed to be this way.

Alayna - posted on 07/09/2009

Wow, I was in a similar situation about a year ago. I will tell you exactly what I did. I kicked his ass to the curb. Granted he's not the father of my child and I wasn't married to him (yet) but it all comes down to one thing. How is this WHOLE situation affecting your children? I was stuck, emotionally and financially stuck with this man who night after night went out with who knows and did whatever he pleased while I was left home to cook and clean and then roll over for him when he finally brought his butt home. I was never allowed to go with him or to meet his "friends". He hid all the mail all the bills and I had absolutely no control over anything money wise. I had to use my daughters disability checks to do the grocery shopping cause he wouldn't even give me money for that. I never in my wildest dreams or nightmares for that matter thought that I would ever be "that woman". It can apparently happen to anyone. What you describe and what I have described is nothing less than full on ABUSE. Why in the world are you even talking about "should he go to the bar?" Get your kids and your shit and get the hell out of there. You admitted he's an alcoholic you gave us all examples of his abuse there's really nothing else to do but leave. Yes, he could go to AA yes he could possibly change but HE has to WANT to. Believe you me he will open his eyes and possibly come to the point to want to change once you carry yourself out that door and aren't taking care of him anymore. Even if you have to beg and plead with family to take you in or for that matter there are multitudes of resources out there for women suffering under abuse to help them get out of it. Whatever you do just leave it won't get better unless something drastic is to occur. In my own situation I spoke with our landlord told him the situation explained it to whomever needed to know got my mother to move in with me and then my landlord evicted the sob and re-leased to me. Without the cooperation of my landlord and the help of my mother I could still be in that situation to this day. SEEK the help to get away and leave. Period end of story.

Angel - posted on 07/09/2009

Quoting Vivian:

In my opinion, neither spouse should be in a bar or bar like setting without the other. My husband does not go out to the bars without me. I understand an occassional supper with the guys and by occassional I mean like once every 6 weeks or so. You should also be allowed some you time, such as shopping, spa day with the girlfriends, etc. without him getting angry about it. He is certainly not treating you like a husband who loves his wife should.

I agree that you should be allowed "you" time same as he is, however I personally don't enjoy going to bars and would never tell my hubby that he can't go if i don;t go.  As for going 2 times a week I say that is way too much.  Even once a week is a little much unless its going out with some guy friends, but then you should be allowed the same a girls night once a week.



However your situation is much worse than just him wanting to go out with out you.

I would never put up with the ABUSE that is happening in your home, that you are exposing your daughter to. Get out before it is too late.

Tanish - posted on 07/09/2009

i think these people said it all

Rebecca - posted on 07/09/2009

Leave him he is a pig

Wanda - posted on 07/09/2009

I am one of many voices telling you that you are indeed, in an emotionally abusive relationship. Bars are not healthy places for anyone - especially married men. There is probably more to this than you realize. I understand that your husband will likely not allow you to have money for counseling, so I would advise you to get your hands on some books on the subject to understand more about it. I am currently reading a good one ... "The Emotionally Destructive Relationship" by Leslie Vernick - (seeing it, stopping it, surviving it). You will see yourself in the first chapter. I agree completely that you also need God (as everyone does), but you need to ACT and use your head in accordance with praying for wisdom and provision. The other thing I would say is that you need to visualize having a back-bone, and GROW ONE, for yourself and your daughter - and use your HEAD to make decisions. Your husband is getting away with horrible things that are emotionally damaging to both you and your daughter, but you are also aiding in setting the stage for what she will accept as "OK" behavior later in her life - simply by remaining in the "victim" mode. First, make sure you have your options laid out - get some people on your side who can be supportive and offer REAL help (as in a place for you and your daughter to live - your parents or his?) Draw a line in the sand, give him an ultimatum (or just leave a note and be gone when he gets home) and see if this "wake up call" is enough for him. Don't keep giving him chance after chance - stand your ground, girl! Let him know you love him, but have lost respect for him, that you cannot continue to live this way, and let him know what it will take to earn your respect and YOU back again - and have a plan if he chooses not to. My prayers are with you and your daughter!

Audrey - posted on 07/09/2009

You have a much bigger issue than your husband wants to go out to bars twice a week without you. By your own admission, he is an alcoholic. He is very controlling and this cannot be a good situation for you and your daughter, but especially you. If he hasn't done it already, it is just a matter of time before he begins to hit you as well. The more you try to exert your independence the more insecure he will become. You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel and tell him that he needs help or you will be forced to make changes. This is not the type of marriage you want to be in or the type of household you want your daughter to be raised in.

ME - posted on 07/09/2009

I have worked for years with women who are victims of domestic abuse, your husband is abusive, find a support group or a women's shelter and ask them for advice or help. Try to get your husband to go to counseling, but don't put yourself or your children at risk any more...most men/people with this problem refuse to accept help. You don't have to put up with it!

Bethany - posted on 07/09/2009

if it is drinking a cold one he can do that at home

Bethany - posted on 07/09/2009

I don't think a father or a married man should be going to the bars at all

Elizabeth - posted on 07/09/2009

My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 11, and with the exception of when he visits his best friend and goes out with him without me (which is a rare thing to happen) we do not go out without each other. It's just not nice, in my opinion. I would not put up with a man who did that to me anyway.

Kimberly - posted on 07/09/2009

Hi There Cheri -

I am a survivor of an alcoholic relationship, my advise - get to Alanon immedialty . The only behaviour one can change is oneself.



I spent 5 years every week at Alanon and then some - My son who was 3 years old was arested with his father as the father was drinking a bottle of vodka whilst doing the grocery shopping - the security had the wisdom not to arrest him for shoplifting but waited until he turned the key and had intention of taking my baby home, thank god for women security officers. Many Many Many issues - My now Ex Husband died in February alone found 3 days after his dealth - still an alcoholic - and it was a sad day when we said good bye with his now 18 year old son - and he died an alcoholic, with no purpose to his life. My choice to leave many years ago was hard work and difficult - which involved many issues but no decision was taken lighly.



All I can say is we can NEVER change anyone only look in the mirror and keep strong and become a Woman - not a insecure wife, Go seek enlightenment and keep strong

Kimberly - Australia

Nicole - posted on 07/09/2009

Your question should not be how many times a week do i let him go to the bar!!!!!!! I feel really bad for you. He is an abuser, in all forms. be careful. Sounds like he has very low self confidence and keeps you around to make him feel better. I WAS in a very similar situation with two kids, i left, but it took a long time to get the nerve up to leave. PLease be careful. Go see somebody, talk to someone. you have all day when hes at work to wrap your head around this. Would you be happy if your daughter was in this situation???????
Take care
Nicole

Sheryl - posted on 07/09/2009

Please honey, you need to get out. Not out of the house, but out of the relationship. Think about how unhappy he makes you. Do you want your daughter growing up thinking it's ok to be treated like this? How would you feel if you called your daughter in 20 years and asked her to go to dinner with you, only she can't because her husband won't "let" her? I would beat a woman/man nearly to death for treating my kid like that. So why are you letting your daughter watch such disrespect? How can she ever learn to have a healthy relationship if yours is all she knows? He doesn't respect you, so he probably doesn't love you. I have left my husband for less. Much less. Your husband makes mine look like a saint.

Abuse : a rude expression intended to offend or hurt. Improper treatment or usage;unjust, corrupt or wrongful practice or custom; offense

You don't have to be hit to be abused. There are much worse things a person can do than just hit someone. I was hit. I was controlled. I was degraded. Believe me, I would rather be hit. If you're not careful, I fear that may be next for you. These things typically come in stages. Subtle enough that even someone who used to volunteer at a battered woman's shelter (that would be me) didn't notice until it was beyond my control. If you aren't going to leave, please call someone for help. Mental abuse is just as illegal as physical. Do NOT let him treat you like this of it will only worsen.

Mel - posted on 07/09/2009

i never let mine go out anywhere wihout me unless he has to like work etc

Daryn - posted on 07/09/2009

I would let him go PERIOD. This is abusive. Most men who behave in this way are not mature enough to be a father or husband. He is establishing his dominance and the longer you stay the further down you'll be pushed until u think your relationship is just like everyone else's, and you don't deserve better treatment. Just KNOW your daughter will learn what is a healthy man/woman relationship from what she sees at home. Do you want her seeking out a man who treats her like your husband is treating u? I am so sorry for your predicament I wish there were easier answers. Its a hard road either way, but your "self" won't be crushed with one of the choices...

Patricia - posted on 07/09/2009

Whether you see it or not you are in an abusive relationship and need help. Please get help from your family, friends or your church. It does not matter where it comes from just please get it. I am not saying the only alternative is leaving your husband, but he needs help with his drinking and you need help with the abuse. Nothing will change for the better unless you make the change happen. My sister was in the same kind of relationship and it got worse. She stayed and did nothing hoping her husband would get better, but he didn't. The abuse became physical and he had her where he wanted her, totally dependent on him. So I say to you again, please get help. If not for you but for your daughter.

Michelle - posted on 07/09/2009

sounds like he is emotionally hurting you. we cannot control others actions.he reminds me of my ex husband. bless yr heart , i think you feel isolated. dont stoop to his level. continue being a wonderful mother. and take care of yourself.

Amy - posted on 07/09/2009

Get out now! Your situation is far worse than just your husband going out on tuesdays and fridays. He seems to be controlling you and thats not healthy. You need to try to stop and think about what this is doing to you and your daughter. Try to pray about it and muster up the strength to start a new life for your family, maybe without him. Good Luck

Zoe - posted on 07/09/2009

My partner drank alot before we got together, we have been together over a year now and he has only ever spent the nite out drinkin 5 times. I am also someone that gets very jelous, if I were you I would be telling him that if he gets a break than you do to. If you cant go out than he can't. Fair is fair. Good luck hun.

Rochelle - posted on 07/09/2009

Personally i do not believe that any married man should hang around in bars, because that is were trouble start. I do believe that husband and wife need their own personal me time to do the things you like. You and your husband should go for drinks together (that is just how it works). You actually need to get out of that relationship because it is not healthy and your husband doesn't respect you or your child. Woman always believe that you can change your partner, but the truth is that you CAN'T.



Get out of the relationship before it is too late

Siobhan - posted on 07/09/2009

this is my second reply and hear this loud and clear........ YOU CHOSE TO HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER, SHE DIDNT CHOSE YOU , SHE HAD NO CHOICE IN THAT MATTER SO SHOW HER THE LOVE AND RESPECT SHE DESERVES AND THAT YOU AS HER MUM SHOULD BE GIVING HER AND LEAVE THAT WASTE OF SPACE OF A HUSBAND. SHE IS ONLY 6 YRS OLD AND LEARNING FROM YOU , BOTH OF YOU FOR HER OWN FUTURE AND FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS AND THIS IS ALL WRONG , INFACT IT IS PLAIN SELFISH THAT SHE IS SUBJECTED TO THIS KIND OF ROLE MODEL OF A FATHER AND AS HER MUM YOU ARE ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR SHAPING HER INTO A STRONG SENSIBLE INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND YOU ARE SHOWING HER IT IS O.K TO BE WEAK, TO BE CONTROLLED, TO BE ROBBED OF SELF RESPECT AND SELF BELIEF AND IT ANGERS ME SO MUCH THAT YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GUIDE A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER THROUGHOUT HER LIFE TO KNOW SHE DESERVES RESPECT AND HAPPINESS AND SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT SEEING THIS BY YOU ALLOWING YOUR HUSBAND TO CONTROL YOU . YOU MAY BE TOO WEAK YOURSELF FROM HIS CONTROLLING WAYS TO SEE WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER SO YOU NEED TO GET HELP FROM FAMILY OR FRIENDS OR A REFUGE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR DAUGHTER IF NOT FOR YOUR SAKE. HE DOSENT DESERVE YOUR LOVE AND CERTAINLY DOSENT SHOW YOU ANY LOVE AND IN NOT SHOWING YOU ANY LOVE OR RESPECT HE IS NOT SHOWING ANY TO YOUR DAUGHTER SO FOR HER SAKE TAKE HER AWAY FROM THIS SITUATION .IT IS SELFISH OF YOU IF SHE IS LEFT WITH THIS FATHER AS HER ROLE MODEL. BE STRONG AND AS YOU READ EVERYONES ADVISE TELLING YOU THAT YOU DESERVE BETTER AND RESPECT FROM A HUSBAND HOPEFULLY YOU WILLTOUGHEN UP AND BE GONE AT THE END OF THAI ADVISE AND GOT THE HELP NEEDED FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER

Siobhan - posted on 07/09/2009

oh my god, leave him for the good of your well being and your 6 year old daughter. I cannot believe you feel it is o.k to stay with this man when he is an alcoholic. What sort of a life has your 6 year old got with that as a role model. You need to take action for your daughters sake . It is totaly unfair on her that she is subjected to a father who is a drunk and she will come to believe that this is the norm and her relationships in the future with boyfriends will be the same and it will be both your and that mans fault. You cannot live with an alcoholic who is controlling you like this and for the sake of your daughter get out of that marriage now and if not you both need to be responsible for sorting this situation out by him getting the help he needs as an alcoholic before it istoo late and something worse than hiding your card happens. I dont care if this is harsh advise its the truth and you are both responsible for the well being and happiness of your daughter and for her guidance throughout her life from now until she is an adult and at present she is obviously not getting the correct guidance with an alcoholic father as her role model!!

Jackie - posted on 07/08/2009

I would say if he needs more then one day in the week to go to the bar with mates then he must have an alcohol problem, especially if he get bad tempered without it.
I would put my foot down and tell him to get the proper help, or I am walking out the marriage, I wouldn't put my kids through something like that either, yes they will be upset over a breakup, but think they would be more effected by a father who gets angered without alcohol , and spends the housekeeping money just to keep his his habit.

Shirley - posted on 07/08/2009

I been married 28 yrs we have a son 30 yrs and daughter 28, back then we both worked 2nd shift my husband went out everynite after work with the guys from work while I raised or children, then he had an afair with a girl at the bar we worked thru it but he missed all our childrens childhood and he didn't want me to go anywhere or take me anywhere we are in our fortys now after the affair I put my foot down family or friends your choice he choose family but a bar is no place for a married man with children I trusted my husband and he hurt me bad, it took alot to get over it, I still think about it sometimes after all these yrs. My husband does good now but we had some rough times, You have to look deep into your heart and see if he is worth what he is putting you thru or ever goin to change if you have resourses get out while you can I know it's hard especially if you love him and with children makes it even harder. I been there its hard. Good luck hope things get better.

Ardeliah - posted on 07/08/2009

Leave.

Jeanette - posted on 07/08/2009

Good Lord girl listen to yourself, this man is never going to change you are young and if you want this to be the rest of your life being miserable and having a man tell you what to do your crazy,marriage is suppose to be 50/50 so when does he take time to watch his daughter.I suppose you even take her when you go to the store for groceries.My heart goes out to you,Chang it now while you are young cause your only young once and you can never go back to your youth and have fun. Nexttime take his toothbrush and put it in the toilet water. What does he contribute around the house as far as cleaning let me guess NOTHING. Good Luck and think this through really hard

Lydia - posted on 07/08/2009

Wow! I have to say I am in awe of the number of women who have been in this situation and found the courage and strength to say "Enough!". I know it is a hard thing to do (I havent been there myself but have close family and friends who have) and I believe you are all truly blessed. I wish you all the happiness you deserve :)

Lydia - posted on 07/08/2009

Sounds like his going to the bar isnt the problem but a symptom of his role and control issues! You need to either find a way to renegotiate your roles within a family or decide whether or not you are going to accept the role he has designated you. I couldnt live like that and I have told my fiance I would leave him for less because I was not willing to be unhappy to be with him. Only you can decide how you want to live your life - you cant force him to change and if he isnt willing to then you are choosing to keep yourself prisoner if you stay with him which is fine as long as you realise that it is your choice.

CAROL - posted on 07/08/2009

My Dear Cheri, The question is not how many times he can go to the bar. The question is why are you letting this happen to you? I am not being mean but I allowed unacceptable behavior to happen to me for 20 years until I finally prayed and sought the Lord about what to do. I was so lonely being married than I ever was being single. In about two weeks my husband asked me for a divorce and because I prayed I knew that was God's answer for me. Be brave my dear, pray, read the bible especially 1 and 2 Peter pray before reading and ask God to help you. We know God hates divorce BUT seek him and HE will show you what to do. You are beautifully and wonderfully created. Don't allow anyone to take away your self esteem and respect. There is nothing wrong with you it is your husband that has the problems. When you are being treated that way they are actually treating God that way because you are created in his image. Also try marriage council with your pastor both of you are just you alone. BUT don't allow years of this treatment it will tear you down.



And we know the plans God has for you they are for good and not for evil, to give you a hope and a future.



Take courage my dear Cheri - God loves you and so do we Circle of Moms!!!

Lisa - posted on 07/08/2009

my husband and i have been married 23 years and always had the agreement not go to bars and if we do make sure we call on our way home and come home at a decent hour...just causes sooo much problems??? My question is where did he come up with the idea of the hair around the toothbrush???? Was his mom and dad abusive..what was his childhood like??? my husbands dad was an alcoholic but my husband never liked to drink...but his sister sits in the bar all day!!!! I am sorry to here about you situation...do you have a friend you confine in???? Good Luck, Lisa

Melanie - posted on 07/08/2009

No way ! My husband never goes out to the bar. We have a understanding if he goes to bars/Clubs than I get to go to bars/Clubs too. He does not like the idea of me going so neither of us go unless we are together. Remember what is good for the goose is good for the gander. So let him know that if he goes then yuou get to go and see how he likes that after you go a few times I am sure he will not go as often or at all..

Cathy - posted on 07/08/2009

find a womens shelter to help you, abuse like this usually escalates. Get out but be smart about it, get help, plan, then execute your plan. You have to for your little girl

Clarencetine - posted on 07/08/2009

Honey you are being played, a married man doesn't have any business in a bar without his wife beside him.

Joan - posted on 07/08/2009

Yes, please don't bother with the counseling. Go directly to Gone. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200....

Gaynor - posted on 07/08/2009

Sounds to me like he thinks he owns you.

The drinking is controling his life and yours and your daughters. I would suggest counceling but I doubt he would be into that and probably just get angry at the mention of it because he has every thing the way he wants its and will continue to keep you locked away.

I dont think he will chang without proffessional help eg AA

Id get out now the sooner the better.

Good luck and be strong

Gaynor

Sue - posted on 07/08/2009

For me this is very tough. My ex husband was not an acholic but was mentally and emotionally abusive, he has even admitted it. My daughter was a very beautiful happy smilling baby, by the age of 6 MONTHS she was sullen and crying alot. The only time she seemed happy was when her dad wasnt around. We split when my daughter was 8 1/2 months old and wow with in days I saw a difference in my child. Her dad and her have an amazing relationship now 10 yrs later she loves being with him. Please when you have the strenght personally and in your faith leave this man before he ruins all faith and strenght you have and all faith his daughter has in him.

Kate - posted on 07/08/2009

Hello Cheri

your story rung so many familiar bells I had to write back. This is control and there's no other word to describe it. This alone: "He came home drunk like always screaming in my face and told my i crossed the line..." is abuse. Everything else is a form of abuse and control (controlling your money, your whereabouts, your free time, guilt tripping, accusing, denying, and threatening). Abuse doesn't have to be punches in the face and broken bones. A healthy parntership doesn't look like what you've written above. I have left an identical situation. It's like you wrote my story. It took me over 6 years and 3 break ups to finally see it, but every incident ate away at me a little more. You are being controlled. Life is too short to pay this price just to be in a "traditional family." Sorry to judge. I hope you find your way out. Please keep in mind that couple counselling isn't very effective for couples where there are control and abuse issues. It can work to validate the controller's behaviour, and in his mind, justify more--as he feels the therapist/counsellor is on his side (b/c the therapist is neutral and holds both accountable). But you are not accountable for his unhealthy behaviour. You are a victim. Statistically, abused women leave and return to their partners 7x, each time the situation progresses and worsens. Beat these odds. No matter how hard leaving may be economically, socially, religiously and whatever else, it's still the best option. Nothing beats freedom.

Joan - posted on 07/08/2009

I think you should let him go out....permanently.

I don't usually like to speak into other people's lives, especially when I've gotten only a tidbit of information. However, what you are describing is abuse. He controls your money, your movement, and every other aspect of your life.

I'd suggest you make a big change.

Wow. If even half of your post is true, I'm just...wow. You need to get away from him. I've seen this a few too many times to know that there's not usually a happy ending, unless the abused party gets away, the sooner the better.

Erin - posted on 07/08/2009

My concern is that your husband is that controlling. That is a sign of abuse. Ok, he might not hit you... yet. But he has diminished your self esteem and alientated you from the outside world. Trust me, I was in a relationship like that ( fortunately, I wasn't married and got out of it). If you have a friend, family member you can confide in, do so. You can not do it on your own.

Stancey - posted on 07/08/2009

Good Advice Terise!!!!

Chicky - posted on 07/08/2009

wow! is all i have to say first. i am not a advice expert but i can tell you this. this same thing happended to me except for the money part. except it was more often at the bar, alot 3 or 4 nights a week. well i wrote a letter to him, saying this is how it is going to be weather you like it or not. i dont care if you hang out with your friends but if you keep it up where its all the time, you can kiss me and your son goodbye. you do it again and when you get home you can guarntee that we will not be here. and devorce papers will be sent to you in the mail. and i dont beleive in devorce. but it comes a point where you have to stick up for your self and your child. your little girl watches this all the time... when she gets older she is gonna think this is going to be okay. and its not. needless to say, my husband relized he loved his family more. he still goes out on ocassion which i dont mind, and we do alot more things together. he still dont like the idea of me having a girls night out, he is afraid that some guy will try messing with me, but i can hold my own i tell him. and i know he loves me and wants to protect me and i dont blame him at all. you husband is jelous that is for sure. and if he wants to keep control of all money well go get your own job when your daughter is in school. as for the hair around the toothbrush thing, i would do it right back at him. not to sound mean, but you need to GROW A BACK BONE. there is women that let this happen to them, and then they wind up on tv with half there face blown off because they say there husband loved them and they loved them back. well i am sorry that is not love. as for a alcholic.. i dont know about that. if he drinks everyday till he gets drunk than yes he is a alochlic, but if not and its just 2 times a week.. well mabye not. most men like to have a drink or 2 to relax from workin all day. as for the date thing where you want to do something with just him. just do it. you plan something and say you are going with me and that is that. i want some time with the man i fell in love with and if he doesnt go by yourself. if this keeps happening than i would say that he has something wrong with him and he is not wanting to try to make the marriage work anymore. that happens. sad but true. you will just have to work it out and do what is best for you and your daughter. that is what is most important, he can either follow behind like a lost dog or walk faster to catch up. he will have to make the decision on his own. i really hope you get through this rough patch. good luck and god bless.

Terise - posted on 07/08/2009

It sounds like to me the man is not much of a husband other than making a living and paying the bills. You are a prisoner in his home and he is not showing any respect for you or his daughter. It is sad how he has such control over your mind. It seems that you need to get your life in order and get to a point where you can make a life for you and your daughter so that you can finally put your foot down and take charge of your life. You or your daughter either one does not deserve to be treated like this. He will treat you this way as long as you let him. Pray often and get your strength from God and start loving yourself again. There is no reason either one of you should even want to go to the BAR when you have a family plus a precious child. My answer to your question is 0 times a week. I loved going those places when I was single but it ended very easily when I met my husband. Good Luck! You can do it!

Pat - posted on 07/08/2009

Cheri, Please find a way to leave this marriage. Believe me, I an not for divorce, but there are times when you must protect yourself. Your husband is a drunk and control freak that only cares about himself. You need to find help and counseling. You and your child deserve better. If you don't have family or a church that will help you leave, find a woman's shelter in your area. Believe me, life with your husband will not get better unless he gets help. I doubt he even believes he needs help. It is NOT normal for a man to wrap a hair around his wife's toothbrush. That is NOT LOVE, that is mean-spirited control.