How many times can you forgive or make up with your husband if you catch him cheating?

Socorro - posted on 12/09/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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How many times can you forgive or make up with your husband if you catch him cheating?

forgive once or twice but not more than three times, too much! 12% (103 votes)

always forgive for the sake of the children 2% (15 votes)

never 53% (445 votes)

just once 33% (280 votes)

843 Total Votes

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Melissa - posted on 01/01/2010

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There is a saying "shame me once shame on you, shame me twice shame on me"... But the truth is once a cheater always a cheater whether it is a girl or a guys, some do change but for the most part they do not, and once you've lost that trust it is beyond hard to get it back. It doesn't matter who you are, it will always be in the back of your mind even if you don't want to admit it.

Michelle - posted on 12/10/2009

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This is very hard, but based from my own experiance I was with my husband for 23 years he cheated right away. and contunied through our marrage maybe once every year, but it destroyed me.. I left him and i should have done it the first time. I stayed for the children,, now they are almost grown.. it was to little to late....

Kathy - posted on 12/10/2009

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only once, but even that may be too much. there are always extenuating circumstances. Trust is a very big issue and can be rebuilt but it takes time and effort. But sometimes if you forgive them once then they may attempt it again just to push their luck. Then again it truly was just a one time error in judgment on his part.

Kathi - posted on 09/16/2013

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My husband of five years was cheating on me. I addressed it and he dumped her. Well that is what I thought. She put a note in our mailbox over labour day weekend to him while we were were gone for 5 days asking why he hadn't called her or emailed her in 5 days and how they had life long plans together.. He was caught with her in 2010. So it never ended, and he just can't figure out why she would leave notes, he hasn't talked to her since he ended it. He never touched her. Whatever. Time for me to move on. I can't hardly look at him, enjoy our boating and camping, I have lost interest in anything to do with US as a team. I count the weekend seconds until he leaves for work. I can't sacrifice my standards values and morals anymore. I have lived from 2010-2013 in a complete facade. He kisses me goodnight and I want to gag. I have a lump in my throat but no tears come. I have to go.

Candy - posted on 08/30/2013

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No my dear, he is a user, a narcissistic jerk.... only thinks of himself. The only sadness and pain they feel, is their own. Life is about them and them alone. Sure if you left, he would cry, but he would be crying for him, no you.

that is the cold hard truth. they depend on woman like you are, to get stuck in the whirlwind of doubt and confusion.

move on, there are many fish in the sea, BETTER ones.... good ones, loving ones FAITHFUL ONES!

Good luck! and may all your dreams come true!

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Candy - posted on 08/30/2013

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my husband cheated early in marriage. We have been married 33 yrs. I found out 5 yrs after the affair that it happened. My ex sis in law told me. Or I would have never found out, he would have never told me.



6 weeks ago I found out he has cheated again, and he would not have told me if my new sis in law of 18 yrs hadn't told me "bull shit, he is having an affair" when I told her I walked in on him looking at a secret phone. A secret phone so he can stay in touch with a woman 5 yrs ago I suspected and he promised he wouldn't be in touch with her, he promised twice. Once when I initially had problems with their close friendship and once when he was caught in the a lie by saying he was in one place but he was in another, on his way to see her....he promised then he wouldn't see her.... ever again..... so we began to repair..... however since the first affair, early in out marriage, he never ever has helped me heal. Its all about him and how I don't fulfill his needs,..... never about me and how he doesn't fill mine.....



So, now I know my suspicions 5 yrs ago were valid, as he says it has been 5 yrs since the affair with the woman he had to have a secret phone for, just 6 weeks ago. Oh but it ended, so he says, when he and I really started having a good marriage, about 3 yrs ago.... he just HAD to stay in touch with her since it ended, and hide his phone and continue to lie.... so what do I believe? it ended long ago? or was he bedding her throughout the 3 yrs of our marriage repair and progress?



to hear him tell it, our marriage was improving and he started feeling guilty so bedding her stopped but the friendship he didn't want to be without.



my sis in law of 18 yrs says "bullshit" once again,,,,she says he was bedding her right u p till he was caught..... again...



bear in mind, she says, he never once has confessed ANYTHING ..... he has always gotten caught. And even after he gets caught, he is far from showing emotions and sorrow......



He is better, so much better in how he treats me, he is so afraid I will leave, I am gettting the man I need, but it handicaps him as I do not trust him out of my sight.... sick I know.... but I just don't know what to believe.. him or my sis in law..... was it 5 yrs ago? 3 yrs ago? 6 wks ago? I would really like to know what is logical, probable to believe.... can you help me?



Yes i know kick him to the curb.... but at this point, I can't, but it may come to that..



thanks to all!

Candy

Candy - posted on 08/30/2013

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my husband cheated early in marriage. We have been married 33 yrs. I found out 5 yrs after the affair that it happened. My ex sis in law told me. Or I would have never found out, he would have never told me.

6 weeks ago I found out he has cheated again, and he would not have told me if my new sis in law of 18 yrs hadn't told me "bull shit, he is having an affair" when I told her I walked in on him looking at a secret phone. A secret phone so he can stay in touch with a woman 5 yrs ago I suspected and he promised he wouldn't be in touch with her, he promised twice. Once when I initially had problems with their close friendship and once when he was caught in the a lie by saying he was in one place but he was in another, on his way to see her....he promised then he wouldn't see her.... ever again..... so we began to repair..... however since the first affair, early in out marriage, he never ever has helped me heal. Its all about him and how I don't fulfill his needs,..... never about me and how he doesn't fill mine.....

So, now I know my suspicions 5 yrs ago were valid, as he says it has been 5 yrs since the affair with the woman he had to have a secret phone for, just 6 weeks ago. Oh but it ended, so he says, when he and I really started having a good marriage, about 3 yrs ago.... he just HAD to stay in touch with her since it ended, and hide his phone and continue to lie.... so what do I believe? it ended long ago? or was he bedding her throughout the 3 yrs of our marriage repair and progress?

to hear him tell it, our marriage was improving and he started feeling guilty so bedding her stopped but the friendship he didn't want to be without.

my sis in law of 18 yrs says "bullshit" once again,,,,she says he was bedding her right u p till he was caught..... again...

bear in mind, she says, he never once has confessed ANYTHING ..... he has always gotten caught. And even after he gets caught, he is far from showing emotions and sorrow......

He is better, so much better in how he treats me, he is so afraid I will leave, I am gettting the man I need, but it handicaps him as I do not trust him out of my sight.... sick I know.... but I just don't know what to believe.. him or my sis in law..... was it 5 yrs ago? 3 yrs ago? 6 wks ago? I would really like to know what is logical, probable to believe.... can you help me?

Yes i know kick him to the curb.... but at this point, I can't, but it may come to that..

thanks to all!
Candy

Mc Shelly - posted on 10/27/2012

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We've been married for more than 12 yrs now, and he keeps on cheating on me, over and over again. Believe me its the most PAINFUL thing ever. Is it really he's a womanizer. He's a seafarer, now he's having an affair with with his co-worker on board. It's killing me, I could have a heart attack for this. Like I've been thinking, how long has their relationship been going. But everytime he calls me, he would tell me that he misses me a lot and he loves me. What is this - he's just using the girl as his pastime? I saw the bitch' picture and I can say I am a lot prettier and sexier. I know I'm a good person, I have a career, as a wife- as far as I know I'm good in bed, as a home maker, i can cook and everything. But what in the world do I deserve this. I love him so much that I can not leave him. Sometimes i say to myself that this is for the sake of our child, but no, I really really love him, YET the emotional PAIN is killing me.

Daisy - posted on 09/09/2012

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when i saw pictures with different ladies naked with my husband on the bed. panties inside the bag, and text messages with different numbers. and he use many account email. i felt really hurt. it always inside my mind. but i forgave my husband because of my daughter. i know that when the parents have trouble the baby is affected. and now i am thankful to GOD because he changed. i know it is really hurt when we found our husband cheated us. i am 25 years old and my husband 56 years old.

Peri - posted on 04/09/2012

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I will not forgive!!! Ya want to play me stubid? Hell no!!!

I feel sorry for the ladies in the old days who used to stay with there husbands cause they couldnt be independent. But its no like that any more!!!

Devyn - posted on 01/05/2010

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Honestly, I would NEVER forgive him, he shouldnt of cheated in the first place. If you truly love someone then you will not cheat on them and there would be no explanation to it if they did. I have been there done that with a few ex's and my hubby now...if he cheated he'd be gone. it would hurt ike hell but once a cheater always a cheater.

Annette - posted on 01/05/2010

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if i found out that my husband cheated on me, i'd nEVR forgive him, for the simple fact that it's not only me that he's cheated on it's his children also. And for that fact, he'dnever be forgiven !!!!

[deleted account]

I'll never have trust for him again, and sometimes i go back and remember things i've caught him doing and it hurts, but then i feel like its too late to say ok we're over, i just remembered that i let you get away with cheating this time or etc. if i could go back, then i would say never forgive, because you will never ever forget and it does eat at you that it happened.

Susan - posted on 12/13/2009

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This is a difficult one because i have been there done that. My ex (and notice he is now an ex) cheated numerous times. I felt, because i had four young children, i needed to stay. BIG MISTAKE. I could no longer trust him and once the trust is gone it is hard to get back. I guess if he is willing to go to counseling and you are willing to forgive and forget. Each case is so different. Good luck

Krista - posted on 12/11/2009

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It really depends on the circumstances. If it was once, and not an ongoing thing, and if the spouse is truly contrite and takes an active lead on repairing the relationship (arranging couples' therapy, cutting off all contact from that individual, etc.) then it's possible to rebuild. If they're putting genuine, self-motivated effort into repairing the relationship and are perfectly willing to accept that it will take a LONG time to regain your trust, then there's hope. What isn't acceptable is if the spouse makes a half-assed effort at fixing things, and then gets impatient because he or she isn't off the hook.

Sandi - posted on 12/10/2009

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If your marriage is stronger enough it will with stand a cheating spouse because even thinking about being with another person is cheating in the eyes of the Lord so you decide........

ELIZABETH - posted on 12/10/2009

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if a husband cheats on you more than 1X, then it is time to call it quits! The children will benefit from this because it is teaching them that they should not tolerate a cheating spouse either. 1X is forgivable.

[deleted account]

Forgiving, and continuing to live with abuse (physical, emotional or financial), are two different things. We should always forgive, but I don't think we should always stay around for more.

Patti - posted on 12/10/2009

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Once the trust is violated it is hard to rewind the tape. I know that my personality is one where I would not forgive and forget. It would eat at me as long as we were in a relationship - so I would have to end it right then and there.

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