How much do you think a 9yo should know about human body/private parts?

Laura - posted on 02/27/2010

Keep up the honesty. Too many people hide or warp the truth from kids and they just get messed up and weird about their own bodies later. My (almost) 2 year old can tell you that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. We will answer any questions she has as she grows up with as much honesty and information as possible.

Audrey - posted on 02/26/2010

if the child is asking questions, it's definitely time to talk about the birds and the bees, if you don't provide the info the kids at school will especially in public school. many kids are sexually active now in middle school, it's scary so my opinion is to arm your children with the truth so they can make a well informed decision when the time comes.

Carol - posted on 02/26/2010

I told them as much as I thought they could understand, I was expecting my third child and the other two were 6&7 my doctor gave me a book that was for children between 6 and 10 it was very clear and easily understood the problem was the following morning as my husband and I were sleeping in a spoon postion and our sons came in only to run out of our room ,the front door yelling their maeting. All our neighbors had a good laugh. You tell them what your comfortable telling them and most of the time they forget it.

Laura - posted on 02/26/2010

I am a strong believer in "answer the child's question". Answer exactly what they ask no more no less. If they keep asking, they are still interested. If they change the subject then that is our cue as parents that they have all the information they can handle at that time!!! Sometimes parents are uncomfortable with a topic so they avoid the issue. If children ask then they need to know or they will go to others for answers!!!

Kellie - posted on 02/26/2010

My daughter is almost 6 and we have always spoken truthfully about our body parts. Any questions she asks we answer to our best ability (trying to to be too graphic of course for certain things). If anyone has a problem with what your child knows, then it is their problem, not yours. Perhaps though for now you asking her only to discuss things like this with you and dad may save her and you from the rudeness of ignorance of others for a while. It is not the fact that children know about these things that may be the problem, it may be that they are too young still to decide what to discuss with others and when.

User - posted on 02/26/2010

I raised two very healthy girls who became very conscientious young women (now 23 & 25). I don't think there is a certain age where the discussions should occur. I do think that being honest with your children in the way that you have been is very healthy. They learn two important things. One, they get the correct information. If you don't explain it when they are ready (which is when they ask the questions), then they will get a multitude of answers from other children which may or may not be correct. Secondly, they learn that they can come to you to ask "anything" when they need answers and are more apt to rely on you for guidance as they explore the world in front of them. I am not a psychologist, but I am a teacher and I deal with teens everyday that were not afforded the opportunity to have honest and caring parents that provided them the security in knowing that they could go to them to get answers. Every child is different intellectually and "when" they start asking questions is also "when" you need to answer them and give them answers that are correct and age appropriate discussion for them. I didn't ask questions until I was 10 and my mom handed me a book for girls my age. She was not a bad mom, she knew I loved reading and would understand it! I firmly believe that because I was honest with my girls when they reached their curiosity point, that they became more reliant on listening to me and asking me questions to more sensitive issues as they aged. Even though they are in their 20's, they still come to mom for answers and I am one proud mom knowing that they have grown to be very responsible adults. It all boils down to OPEN communication and honesty.

Debbi (Grammy) - posted on 02/26/2010

Other moms' opinions about the clarity of your explanations to your child are irrelevant. If you are clear, as you have indicated you are, and you have given her adequate safeguards about how much to share with other adults, and other children, she will only benefit from a healthy knowledge of the human body. Chalk up the other mom's discomfort to their own reticence about sharing similar information with their own children. Children will either get wrong information from the neighborhood kids, or correct information from their parents.

Alexis - posted on 02/26/2010

There is nothing wrong with telling your daughter the truth. I have a 4 y/o boy and he knows all about the vagina, penis, and breasts sort of things. He also knows that the baby comes out of the vagina, and that breasts are for feeding the baby milk too. I'm not about to lie, or shield my child from the natural part of life. He has questions and I have answers. Some people frown upon me for telling him the truth too. But it's better for him to learn about it from me rather than in school with a girl, hiding under the slide, playing you show me yours and I'll show you mine.

April - posted on 02/25/2010

I completely agree with how you handled these particular questions. My son is 9 and he started asking these questions around the age of 6 when my sister became pregnant and he wanted to know how the baby got in there and how it was gonna come out, etc.. And while I didn't exactly go into detail I did tell him the basics and gave more detail as he grew older and now at 9 he knows most of it. We haven't went as far as talking about condoms though cause as of right now he thinks sexual Intercourse is for making babies only. Not really sure how to go about sex for pleasure...lol

Isobel - posted on 02/25/2010

if you put a space in between each paragraph (or few sentences) ... I will be able to read your post... placing a block of information that takes up an entire screen is almost impossible to read

Sarah - posted on 02/25/2010

My son is only 5 months old, so we have awhile before I am faced with these sorts of questions lol. :) But, I think it's wonderful that you are having open and honest communication about these issues with your daughter. And I think age 9 is an appropriate age as well. My degree is in Health & Kinesiology, so I am all about talking about the human body lol. I think it's a very good idea for kids around your daughter's age to be familiar with their bodies and that bodies are nothing to be embarrassed about. It's also good to share about the importance of keeping your body private, etc.. By having such an open communication with your daughter, she will probably feel very comfortable coming to you about any questions that might arise. When I was in school, I remember the boys and girls being separated in the 5th grade so we could learn about our bodies and periods, etc... While it's good that these things are discussed in the school system, it's just as important if not more (in my opinion) to keep an honest discussion about these things at home. So, you are doing a wonderful job!!! :)

Laramie - posted on 02/25/2010

I am a teacher and I have had a mother complain to me that a student talked to her daugther about some of the facts of life. She complained that it was inappropriate for a third grader to be talking about such things. Because I have to keep the peace, I took the student aside, and just asked her not to talk about it to the other girl. I don't think it is wrong for parents to teach their children about life, but they should, as you said, talk about it with their parents. Some children are not ready, and the other parents are uncomfortable talking about such things. Unfortunately, if their children don't know, they are the ones who will be "educated" by their peers, and possibly misinformed. If your daughter is informed, she will be able to make wiser decisions about her sexuallity. Just let her know that others may not be so accepting.

Andrea - posted on 02/25/2010

My daughter is about to turn two so I haven't had to have this talk yet but have thought about it... I think that is is a good thing to talk to your daughter about these things. My neice, who lives with my parents, is 11 and showing signs that she is going to start getting her monthly pretty soon and is in a training bra. My mom talked to my niece ( and did the same to me) when we started to get breast's because she didn't want us to be blind sided by getting a period. I think it is good to tell them about their bodies, it is their bodies they have a right to know!!! Of course tactfully, LOL

Julie - posted on 02/25/2010

Elizabeth, I have a daughter that is 11 and ask a lot of questions as well. We know our children better than anyone and we know how much they can handle. I for one will tell the truth no matter what!! I want them to know the truth from me not someone at school or elsewhere. So rest asure you are doing a great job and for those parents out there that are to nervous about sharing with their kids the TRUTH about THEIR bodies.... shame on you!!

Sue - posted on 02/25/2010

If your children ask about body parts or where babies come from, the AAP recommends that you "matter-of-fact" give the facts and stop unless more questions ensue. If the child is not mature enough to grasp the information, it will fly over her head and she will not likely repeat it. If the child asks and is able to grasp the meaning of the answer, she /he should be told to keep it a secret as it is the responsibility of parents to tell their children this information.

Tiffany - posted on 02/25/2010

I think you are absolutely right in telling your daughter the truth when asked a question about private parts and I also agree with the fact that if they are old enough to ask the questions they are old enough to hear the answer. My son is eight and has already asked all those questions and more and we are straight forward with him. We think if you dodge the question it leaves room for embarrassement and we don't want him to feel embarrased to ask us those questions

Vanessa - posted on 02/25/2010

I think that you are an awesome mom for sharing with your Daughter.I have 2 boys and plan to tell them what they need to know honestly. I grew up in a very honest and open family. I was the one in school that all the kids asked questions to because i had the knowledge. Its very important for children to know about their bodies and other "Adult" like situations ie. sex, std etc. Knowledge is power. Dont let anyone tell you any different, your doing great.

Bethany - posted on 02/25/2010

I wish my mom would've been more open about 'those kinds of things' when I was growing up.

Tina - posted on 02/25/2010

I saw only one reference to a Christian approach in this subject matter. It does help to let the children know when they ask that they are also knit together as God would have them to be, and He is their Creator of their parts all of them. He desigened them to be used at an appropriate time in Marriage. I think that is the part so many forget to use when explaining such subject matters. I offered to explain to my kids, and they already had picked it up in the 'school' education so I didn't need to say much. But was able to make clear when the right time for the use of such parts was best. We don't always remember that but it is so important to do so. I did give the basic information in short form, as I felt that was all that was necessary and the kids were learning more than I realized when they were in school, so it went on without my needing to explain much to them. But we added the value of the body is seen in God's eyes, and that we are to treat it with respect and honor HIM in how we live. They make their own choices after that. I am thankful that my children are now grown and Saved, and are doing the best they can where they are.

Cynthia - posted on 02/25/2010

Sounds like you have a highly intellegent and curious daughter, We took out the pregnancy book with our eldest, and I'm sure she shared what she found their later with her friends but because my circle of mums was relatively small we didn't have thesame problems you've been having. Personally if other moms don't like it they don't have to let their kids play with yours. Trying to teach a 9 year old whats socially acceptable about this subject is hard since so many people react so differently. Teach your daughter when its acceptable is good but nine year olds aren't capable of the kind of social discernment necessary to when to share and when not to!

Cara - posted on 02/25/2010

I definitely agree you had an appropriate and helpful conversation with your daughter and that she does not have any information she shouldn't have! My daughter just turned 5 and her baby brothers are 7 weeks old. She knows mommy and daddy made the babies start growing in my belly and that she grew in my belly too. She has also seen my c-section scar from her and from them and knows that's how they both came out, but that most babies come out through the vagina. She routinely watches me nurse her brothers and knows they are getting milk that mommy's breasts make and that comes out through the nipples. So far she has asked for all this information, and when she wants to know more details I will give them to her!

Keep up the good information and conversations with your children!

Amanda - posted on 02/25/2010

I totally agree with you. I don't have a daughter but my mother always told me the truth when I asked questions. Its better they here the correct info from you then here something from other kids at school that isn't true.

Tasha - posted on 02/25/2010

Heh, this is much like th Santa Claus conversation.
I feel that all kids from a very young age (like as soon as they recognize differences) should be taught the proper name and function of their private parts.I think those Moms are uncomfortable with their bodies or grew up in households where their parents didn't acknowledge their sex until they actually HAD sex which, in my opinion, is too late. I've always told my kids the truth. (I have two boys) Sure, it has led to some laughable and sometimes uncomfortable situations, but all in all I would rather that they were comfortable discussing their bodies than hide it from them until it's time for 'the talk'.

Leigh - posted on 02/24/2010

T-bagging when a man put his balls in an out of someones mouth like when making T.
I'm a very up front mom and alway tell my children they can ask me anything and I will tell them the truth. I dont want someone telling my daughter that a blow job is no diffrent than a kiss good night an thats what some kids think. so before they are intrested in sex to much an to embaressed to ask questions we talk about stuff.. I also tell my son we dont pressure girls to have sex.. never tell someone if they really loved him they would.. and I tell my daughter if a guy ever said that he only wants one thing cuz if he really cared for her he wouldnt push her.. Im sorry I talk way to much a get off point..

Corine - posted on 02/24/2010

What on earth is T-bagging???

Leigh - posted on 02/24/2010

my son was 11 came in to the kitchen an asked me what T-bagging was.. well after I composed my self and asked where he had heard it (video games surprised not) I told him what it was.. but I also told my 13 year old daughter that she should explore her own body before she is gets in to boys.. why you ask because the girl that understands masturbation an the feelings she's having is less likely to think she is in love and less likely to give it up to the first boy to makes her feel that way, she will know shes not in love, shes really just horny.. I'm sorry ladies to many moms out there forget that our children are going to be sexual beings and we need them to understand there bodies and feelings before it happens..cus its happening even if were not ready.. it up to them to make the choice of when it happens we arm them with the knowledge they need to make the right choices.. we let our children watch countless hours of violence in this country but sex it taboo.. I personally hope my children make love, have sex. do the nasty, what ever you want to call it way before they ever have to experience any of the violence they see on tv every day. you only get the first 14 years to really teach your kids whats really important then from 14 to 18 you guide them into adult hood and how to make good choices and how to recover from bad ones while still in our home.. but still anyone with a teenager or who remembers what it was to be one knows after 14 you as a parent don't know anything so teach as much as you can while there young...

Debi - posted on 02/24/2010

You're on the right track in my opinion. Hiding the facts will not prevent sexual thoughts or behaviors. Being honest and open will not induce them. It's a lot easier to talk to your child about real issues (periods, masturbation, erections, pubic hairs, discharge, ... all the way to actual sex ed) when there has never been any shame in discussions of the body. By nine, my kids knew a lot. (They'd also watched their sisters coming out of the vagina, so there was never a question of "Where do babies come from?") Do your friends suggest that you tell them the stork brings the baby or say, "That's private and for adults only." Should you just not answer the questions like "what is a gynecologist?" Your friends are prudes. That does the child NO good whatsoever!

Heather - posted on 02/24/2010

I agree with you! You're doing the right thing! Answering the questions your child asks honestly, openly, and without embarrassment sets her up for a lifetime of healthy behavior. Somewhere I heard the statistic that sex starts at 9 in the public schools, in part b/c of girls' early maturing, so I'm all for the parents teaching their kids what's what. My boys both know about the birds & the bees, having forced their way into the bathroom when I was there and asking many questions. When my son turned 9 I gave him a book on the subject, even, and told him he could ask any question of me or his father or his doctor that he wanted. He's not interested yet but he knows the resources are there. He'll get information about sex one way or the other -- I'd much prefer it come from clinical resources & adults than his peers.

So way to go! And good luck! :)

Tara - posted on 02/24/2010

I'm 100% with you on this one. I think that all kids should know the correct terms for their body parts, including things like what an OB/Gyn is, etc. When my girls are old enough they will be told what they need to know. My oldest daughter will be 2 in March and she already knows that she has a vulva and that it is private and no one but her, Mama and Daddy when they are bathing/changing diapers or a doctor should touch her there. I think knowledge is power and anyone who dodges the question or lies about reproduction/sexuality/genitals is doing their children a great disservice.

Mary - posted on 02/24/2010

I have to agree with you on this. If your daughter is asking the questions, the best thing you can do is answer them as honestly as you can, at her level of understanding. I have 3 children, and I try to do the same.

Susan - posted on 02/24/2010

If they ask, answer simply and truthfully. they will ask more if they want to know more.

Melaney - posted on 02/24/2010

I tend to keep my answers honest, basic, short and sweet. My daughter and 2 sons aged 7, 8 and 10 years old know which part of the anatomy are used to give birth. I am sure it is more the act of how a baby is conceived that would be cause for concern if our children knew indepth at such an early age. I'm glad they know the proper terms for their "girlie bits" and the boys "family jewles". My children have always known the proper terms for their "privates" (recently having fun trying out other terms used for body parts). It's amazing to see how a topic that doesn't raise an eyebrow in one family can make another family feel so awkard around each other.

Tracy - posted on 02/24/2010

I once heard a "professional" say... only answer the question the child asks. You don't need to get into details if that's not what they are looking for. In other words, don't get technical before the child is ready and asking. The way you described the conversation, I'd say your little one was asking for the details otherwise, it would have been a shorter conversation. My 8 year old is content with not knowing as much as yours wanted to know; however, we are introducing her to a Christian book about bodies. I found it after our oldest ones were suppose to go through the school's version of puberty awareness. I called it Curious Starter class, so I had to find something more appropriate. The book (for girls) tells all about the girls body.and what they are going to be going through. I did find one for the boys to, because most of my friends had boys and they didn't want them going through the class either.

Jenette - posted on 02/24/2010

I see nothing wrong with how you're handling the situation-I'm not there yet with my daughter (she's only 11 wks so we have a bit lol) but my mom was up front with me throughout my life and it was much easier for me. In school I'd have friends who would start their cycle/have a problem etc and wouldn't know what to do because their mothers were the ones raising the eyebrows. I never had that problem as my mom was open and honest with me.

Dawn - posted on 02/24/2010

same here i correct her when she comes home saying wrong you let them konow what YOU like hun dont let anyone tell you anything different ok

Teresa - posted on 02/24/2010

I see absolutely nothing wrong w/ either of those discussions. My girls knew they were born by being cut out of mommy when they were about 3. They've know that the majority of babies are born vaginally ever since their cousin was born.... They were 5 at the time and asked if he was going to be cut out since they didnt' know any other way at that time. I answer all questions that come up w/ the truth appropriate to their understanding at the time. I don't 'lay it all out there' for them, but just take it one step/question at a time.



Good job mom!

Dawn - posted on 02/24/2010

they should know what you want them to know!!!! its better hearing the truth and theright explanation than the useless wrong info that their mates tell them in the playground.I to have a 9 year old its amazing what they come home with

Lol - posted on 02/24/2010

As someone who was NOT educated about my body... I think you are doing a great job. My lack of knowledge and ubnderstanding meant that I didn't realise it was not good when my Uncle 'visited' my bedroom one night. And it also meant that I was an absolute mess when I first got my period. Seriously, i went crying into my parents room saying I was bleeding to death LOL funny to look back on it now... but not so great at the time.
I think it's great that you give your daughter the correct info about her body, and that you have the confidence to do so. I now have a three y/o who has started with only the basic questions... and even though I am sometimes uncomfortable about it, I give her the info as simply as I can. Don't worry about the other parents, they have probably gone home to think about what they are doing wrong with their kids education.

Lisa - posted on 02/24/2010

I completly agree that you are giving your daughters the tools that are needed. You wouldn't want her learning from other kids.

Great job mom

Sharli - posted on 02/24/2010

Let them raise their eyebrows! I had sex ed when I was 10. That was in 1965! It sounds like you are being as informative as your child is inquisitive. Maybe a word about "sharing" the info. with her friends should be discussed. Good luck.

Julie - posted on 02/24/2010

You are a very wise mom. Keep it up and I give the same advice to everyone who has already answered.

I work hand in hand with the judicial system, police, hospital, etc. I work with children who have been abused, including sexually abused. The most unfortunate thing I have seen is when a child is asked something and when answers cannot give the correct name of the body part or cannot even spell their name correctly.

Parents believe the courts are on their side, but parents must educate their children first so the police will even present the case before the Judge. If a child cannot name their body parts correctly or spell their name, most police dept's will not even present the case before the Judge. Therefore the criminal is free.

I hope you are also educating her that no one has the right to touch her without her permission and if they do, she should tell someone she trusts immediately.

So the next time a mom makes a comment or looks at you oddly, be assured your daughter is educated and safe. Can she the same for her children?

Becky - posted on 02/24/2010

Good job!!! Too many parents sugar coat things, and then when something happens, the kids don't have the vocabulary to explain what is going on. My son will be three at the end of March, and he has always known the proper names. He started talking early, and it was a little embarrassing for him to tell people that he has a penis and mommy has a vagina. Or to hear him sing about how he loves his penis. But the embarrassment is definitely worth it, and allowed us to open a dialogue about appropriate conversation and privacy. He is already teaching his 8 month old brother all the things he knows. Keep it up. It's likely you've armed your children with a solid defense. Keep it up, and it's better that you get these phone calls, then the ones from irate parents because there uneducated children were fed erroneous, "peer info".

Alex - posted on 02/24/2010

I knew about all of that when I was 9. heck even younger.which is a good thing because I started my period when i was 9. my mom and i had already talked about stuff so i was comfortable telling her and i wasnt scared or freaked out about what was happening with my body. its good to let your kiddos in on that type of stuff. better them knowing about it and being informed then to be completely ignorant to information that is useful to them. dont let the other parents or people get to you. you are doing a good job.



oh and also.... I am 7 months pregnant. my niece was 3 when I found out. when she asked me about my baby in my tummy I told her. Her mom didnt mind and neither does anyone else in the family..... only thing my niece's mom hates about it is because my niece and I are so close that since im pregnant, she pretends to be pregnant too. she just turned 4. :) but seriously dont let them get to you. its great to be informed.

Heidi - posted on 02/24/2010

Good Job Mom kids only ask questions if they are curious about something if they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to know in an age appropriate way of course. My kids are 20, 18, & 16 now and I have always been very open and honest about things and I would not change it at all. Who better to answer a childs questions their parents or their peers??? I think we all know the answer to that one:)

Diana - posted on 02/24/2010

My daughter was about 4 when she started asking questions that I would rather have put off to a later date. A wise friend told me, "If they are old enough to ask the question, they are old enought to get an answer." And of course, you should use anatomically correct words.

Chloe - posted on 02/24/2010

I'd like to know where the presumption of ever having "the talk" was formed! All I've ever heard from parents is they talked when children ask questions, and children ask question at a very early age! My son is 3 1/2 and knows all the correct terms, knows he came from my belly, and will soon get to experience his cat having her first batch of kittens(I'm preparred for the waterfall of questioning!)

When he asks, I explain as best I can in terms he can understand. Keeping such things as anatomy and biology a secret from our youth encourages ignorance and leads to such issues as teen pregnancy, sexual assult, etc. If a girl doesn't know what her body is capable of or what it is about her body she needs to protect, how does she know to protect it? How does she know to be proud of it? And, as a result, how will little girls and boys know to be respectful of eachothers bodies if they don't know enough about them? You're doing a fine job and shame on that mother-eyebrow and all-for thinking that the human body is something to remain a mystery! Her ideas of hiding knowledge of such important things belong in the Dark Ages

Charlene - posted on 02/24/2010

Kids are always going to talk to their friends. It is much better that she gets the right information from you than the misguided information from a friend whose parents don't talk. I only have boys 11 and 2. My 11 year old knows about everything he has ever asked and still comes to me with questions even though they have health class at school. Some parents have a hard time with this because of how they were raised you only can do what you can with your daughter and it sounds like you are doing a good thing.

Kristi - posted on 02/24/2010

I want to thank you for educating your daughter!! Before I had our third child I was a doula (a professional labor coach) and I was amazed by the fact that there are some many women who are clueless about their bodies. I never understood families who gave pet names to certain body parts. No one is afraid to say knee, but the words breast or vagina make people cringe. When "adult" words come out of the mouths of babes the parents are labled in a negitave way.

My husband like your family always answer our childrens questions, if our answers sprark another question that one gets answered. I think you did exactly the right thing. You did not sit her down and explain in detail about reproduction you answered her questions honestly and with the perfect amount of information. My hat goes off to you and your family!

Your daughter is going to grow up knowing about her body and about whys to keep herself healthy and if other parents think that is wrong that is their opinion. We can't all parent our children the same way. We can only take it one question at a time and do what feels right in that moment.

Lucy - posted on 02/24/2010

well done for being so open with your child. I don't believe in sitting a child down at a prescribed age and giving them "the talk", but I do think that when they are old enough to ask a sensible question they deserve a sensible answer!

As a teacher who has often had to teach sex education, I can say that kids in my classes whose parents have used this approach are generally more mature, and have a healthy, down to earth attitude to the subject. Those kids who have been told sugar coated versions or told they are too young to know the answers to their questions tend to be a bit silly and giggly, and will pick up misinformation from peers often leading to trouble later on!

My kids are only 2 and 3, but because we have lots of friends who are pregnant or have small babies, my daughter has already asked about breast feeding, how the baby grows, the difference between boys and girls etc. I love that she already knows she will not be shamed for any question she asks, and is developing a sense of her own body.

Jo - posted on 02/24/2010

I have a ten year old son, and he knows everything pretty much. We have even discussed rape and paedophiles because he asked the question. The only thing we haven't broached yet is abortion as at the time he asked about it, he was 7 and I felt that it was a little early. I would certainly talk about it now. My poor son also had an indepth knowledge of drugs and alcohol as both my husband work in this area, which has led to some interesting phone calls from the school following a visit from the childrens life education bus!! What you are doing with your daughter could not be better. Children need to be informed in an open, age appropriate way on life. Keeping children in the dark does not help them in the long run.