How often do you see your extended family? (ie. in-laws and your parents)

Jayde - posted on 11/22/2010 ( 190 moms have responded )

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How often do you see your extended family? (ie. in-laws and your parents)

We have a one year old boy and just lately there has been alot of upset and pressure between our families over who gets to see our son more. On average I goto my families house one evening a week and on thursday they will look after him from 2-6 (the time I'm at work). With my in-laws we go over for dinner one night a week and they like us to spend all day on Sunday with them.

The problem is because my husband is away for work alot we in our little family aren't getting much alone time together and my in-laws think its unfair that my parents get to babysit by themselves. I feel like a piggy in the middle atm because I'm copping it from both sides.

If you have any suggestions or explain what you do I would really appreciate it.

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Laura - posted on 11/22/2010

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This is a tough position to be in, no doubt. Personally, the whole "fairness" argument seems a bit juvenile. Afterall, don't we try and teach or kids that life isn't always fair? You have a schedule in place that works for you and seems to be "fair enough" from the way you describe it. If you are concerned about being totally fair, however, there are some things you could try.

Instead of having fixed dates for each family, you could alternate who you see each week. For example: Week one - you visit your parents on Tuesday and they babysit on Thursday. You have dinner on Wednesday with your inlaws and see them on Sunday. Week two - switch the schedule around so that you have dinner or visit your inlaws on Tuesday and THEY babysit on Thursday. Then you visit your parents on Wednesday and visit them on Sunday. This schedule then repeats week 1 and week 2. It's a little more involved, but not so much that it can't be written on a calendar ahead of time to keep things straight.

There is one other option, but it's not as pleasant: Tell everyone that NO ONE gets visits anymore! Yes, this is an extreme option, but it IS an option nonetheless. If people cannot respect your family schedule and insist on arguing about who gets more of your time, then you can simply say "no" to everyone and work out a schedule that is more beneficial to you. You and your family have a life of your own and you are choosing to share it with grandparents in a way that works for YOU. You do not need to feel guilty over someone else's issue with jealousy--you can politely say that you will be changing your schedule so that you have more personal family time and that visits will be less frequent. Ultimately the choice is yours to do what works best for YOUR family. You have nothing to feel guilty about and don't let others try and use that against you. Do what's best for you.

Finally, when my daughter was little we spent WAY more time with my parents than my inlaws. Perhaps my mother-in-law complained about the inequity, but I never heard about it or felt the need to even justify the difference. My parents were half a generation younger than my inlaws and generally had more stamina to keep up with my daughter! Both of my inlaws have serious health problems that prevented them from safely watching and caring for her. It simply made more sense for my parents to watch and care for my daughter! Plus my husband has never been as close to his parents as I was to mine. Those are simply the family dynamics. We worked with where everyone was with relationship and health to come up with the best solutions and options. Hope this helps and best of luck to you!

Fran - posted on 12/16/2010

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I'm the Mom, Mother-in-law, and Granny. I think it is a privilege to spend time with my grandchildren. I will do anything within my power to help my children and grandchildren. Thank goodness, they have their own lives. Isn't making a living, keeping healthy, and dealing with all the stress of life enough? A grandparent can ease the stress, enrich the lives and help the family survive. I try to make myself available whenever they need me, offer to babysit for a "date night" and remain flexible. Make yourself a priority and do what works for you. Your family is your partner and kids. Take full advantage of in laws and parents, but keep yourselves as number 1. Extended family should help, not hinder. Find a backbone.

Medic - posted on 11/22/2010

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We used to live with my parents while we were adjusting to civilian life so they saw the kids all the time. Our kids have never seen my in-laws and thats because my husband has chosen that based on their life choices it is better for the kids. Now that we live about an hour or so we see my parents once a week. Tell them that neither of them are entitled to to your daughter it is a privilege.

Phyllis - posted on 11/22/2010

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If you guys are looking for alone time, and the in laws want to baby sit on their own.... that seems like you could kill 2 birds with one stone by having them sit while you and hubby have some alone time.

Teresa - posted on 12/03/2010

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My inlaws lives 40 minutes away and my mom lives 12 hours away and I wish it was the other way around. I think you should do what ever YOU are comfortable with and stop worrying about what they think. Once they see that you are giving no attention to this pettiness they will stop. I agree with the person who said it was a privilege to be a grandparent. Not a right.

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Jessica - posted on 12/18/2010

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I know how you feel. My parents live 4 hours away, but they try to get out here to visit as much as possible. My family sees my boys about 4-6 times a year, sometimes more, depending on events going on. My in-laws live 30 minutes away, and my MIL gets upset because we don't come over that often. However, my husband isn't all that close with his family, and they rarely make the effort to come over to our house to visit. She is constantly making it sound like she never sees our boys, when she sees them quite a bit more than my parents do.

My suggestion is to tell them if they want to see your son more, come over to visit. Otherwise, have your husband talk to them... they are his parents after all.

Robin Michelle - posted on 12/18/2010

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Tell them all to come by your house if they want to see him except when someone has to babysit.

Shanna - posted on 12/18/2010

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We haven't seen my husbands parents in almost four years...we don't like it, but when we did go to see them, they wouldn't even take of a day or two to visit with us. We'd go on the weekend to make sure they'd have time and they still wouldn't make the time. The last time we gave them over a months notice, they told us that the weekend we picked would work out perfectly and they still worked. We didn't see them until well after bedtime. What's the point in visiting someone if you don't actually get to see them?? So we're waiting for them to come to our house. It hasn't happened yet, but we're waiting....and waiting.

Hilda - posted on 12/18/2010

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Hi Jayde, Why not let your in-laws babysit your baby for a couple of hours to give you and your husband some special time to yourselves. Hopefully you will be keeping both families happy and a husband too. x

Joanbezuidenhout - posted on 12/18/2010

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I feel for you and quite understand the situation you are in - I have been there and it is not easy to please them all. It may be a good idea to get all the family together and you and your husband tell them that you are not favouring one
above the other and you are trying your best to let them see the baby as often as possible. As your husband is
often away with his job he obviously requires family time
with you and the baby - that is the important thing - and if
they do not live too far away can pop over for a short while.
When our children were little they only saw the grand-parents once a month or sometimes 6 weeks - sometimes even longer - it was just one of those things that one has to
cope with if living a long distance away. If close-by there is
no hard and fast rule - they are very fortunate that it is once
weekly as you do have other commitments as well. I realise that grand-parents want to see the baby often but it is not always possible and they need to understand and not make you feel guilty about time spent with each one as you are not favouring one above the other. I normally pray and ask God to please give me wisdom how to handle any
situation no matter how big or small - and He does come
through for me - He will do it for you as well. I do hope this
helps you come to an amicable arrangement. Joan

Colleen - posted on 12/17/2010

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All day Sunday? Seriously? Every Sunday? First of all, the babysitting while u r at work does not even really count in the 'Fairness' arguement,period. Second, your family time comes first and foremost. And NEVER let ANYONE intimadate or manipulate u where it concerns the best interest of your family. It is essential that u have your own family time. Take a stand and entertain no arguement from others on your and your husbands decision. If he gives in too easily to his parents, he needs to re-evaluate his thinking. Leave the guilt trip for your in-inlaws to lay on someone else.

Michelle - posted on 12/17/2010

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I dont have a problem with her grandparents seeing her i have an issue with how during my whole pregnancy all i heard was im too young to b a gerandma then 12wks into my pregnancty she fell pregnant now all she says is im too old to b a mum again and her sticking her nose in where it doesnt blong bothers me

Tania - posted on 12/17/2010

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There is no fair except for fair for YOUR family. That means you, your husband and your child. Everyone else can get over it or see you less, their choice. Anyone who guilt trips you cares most about themselves, not you and your little family. How selfish.



You see people as often as you have time. It doesn't matter who gets more time. IF you want to see them once a week, fine. If you only want or have time to see them once a month, fine. When someone gives you a hard time just reply with "I'm sure you understand the pressure we face with our busy lives, we are going to put our family first to make sure it stays intact." If they push after that, you know that they care 0 for the welfare of your family and really aren't worth your effort.



You are not required to make ANY changes to your schedule to accomodate their wishes. They are grown adults and they are responsible for their own happiness, you and your son and husband ARE NOT.



Also, your child will be just fine without seeing all of his extended family every week. However, he does need his mommy and daddy to stay strong and have quality time alone with the two of you. All the crap about Grandparents having rights, and children needing their Grandparents is crap, don't fall for it.

Sue - posted on 12/17/2010

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not too much. they all get bogged down in their own lives.
my lil girl is 16 mths and my family only has seen her a couple of times since she was born due to their own disagreements with one another. It happens in alot of families and it shouldn't but its the lil ones that miss out. Totally understand about you feeling you in the middle and like your hands are tied. They should feel wonderful that they get to see them and spend some time with them. My christmas wish is for mine to get along. Try to just focus on your beautiful boy and your lil family and not get to bogged down with anything else. it will sort itself out.

Barb - posted on 12/16/2010

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In my case, the less we saw my in-laws the better but all kidding aside, you have to remember that you can't make everyone happy. Start with yourself and your son. The others will just have to get in line. Remind them that the road runs in both directions and that they are welcome to stop by for a visit BUT they must call first. I wish you luck. This was a real problem for us to. Being #1 in your childs life should be your priority. God Bless

Carol - posted on 12/16/2010

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See my hubby's family about twice a year, there are 5 kids in this family & they all have kids & grandkids & his Dad who is 94 now, we all get together just after Christmas for a meal & give gifts to his Dad. & just have fun.

Helen - posted on 12/16/2010

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I guess it depends on how much you trust your inlaws.
At the moment I haven't heard any complaints but I know when my daughter (who is now 2) was still only new my mum expected us at her house at least once a week. I was unable to do this as I was too tired and being a first time mum it was just too much for me. Now however I try to see them at least once a fornight during the week (as both my parents no longer work full time) for a couple of hours. Sometimes we come home after Olivia's nap other times we leave just before it depending on what is happening. The inlaws are a different matter as both Nanny and Poppy work full time and different shifts. So kind of leave it up to them and they contact us when they want to look after Olivia. But both grandparents are great because if my husband and I need to go somewhere they are also available to baby sit. I am pretty lucky but it took time and communication to get to the point where we are now. I think the best piece of advice I can give you is to do what is best for your little family and communicate with the others. It will all work out in the end.

Rebecca - posted on 12/16/2010

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When my children where younger they spent time with my sil for days at a time(mil and fil are deceased) and didnt see my parents that often saw the rest of my family once a year for christmas. Now that we moved out of state they dont see my inlaws at all nor my dad. See my aunt and mom in the summer for a week when we go to va to visit. Other then that they only see my brother everyday. He lives with us. There was never a jealousy issue.

Jan - posted on 12/16/2010

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From a first time grandmother-shame on you moms who don't want your child to spend quality time with their grandparents! Your child is missing so much by having restricted time. It sounds like you are scheduling an appointment instead of having your parents, whom you supposedly love, instilling affection and love on that God given gift-a grandchild. The joy that little one brings is beyond words. I remember my grandparents fondly, and I would hope and pray that my grandchildren feel the same about me in the years to come. If you want the grands to be a part of your life, it is a give and take. We are so fortunate that our son and daughter-in-law want us to be a meaningful part of our grandson's life. We live just a few minutes apart, and I babysit each day while everyone else works. Do we have to see our grandson on weekends? You bet! Yes, we call to see if it suits for us to come by. Never are we turned away, and how blessed we are for that. My parents did that with our boys, and the memories and love still abound after all of these years.

Michelle - posted on 12/16/2010

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Katie I feel exactly the same way they dont believe in pretty much anything i do which causes arguments within my family and we have even seperated because of it

Michelle - posted on 12/16/2010

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I am getting the same thing. My family pretty much never see my daughter but his get to see her a minimum of 1 day a week. and then I have his mum complaining about how my family never see her when we have to go to their place and my family have to come to mine. Really bugs me. I dont have very helpful suggestions except just straight out tell them how you feel.

Phelicia - posted on 12/16/2010

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You know I don't have this problem really with the inlaws but with my own parents who would love my children daily. When I worked they had that with the oldest, but although I know they miss her, I relish the opportunity to bond with my kids as a mom and see my growing family develop as strong a bond with eachother as my daughter had with grandma and grandpa. Really, you need to make your own decision. If you aren't a little firm this plays out very ugly as the children get older. It can almost become a jealousy issue. Keep your family time sacrid. You won't regret it. I am not saying not to let your parents see the kids, just don't let that be the thing that dictates your life. Believe me you will grow to resent it! Then you will be weaning your parents and children into a more normal visitation schedule as kids develop so many outside activities and have less time at home. The home and immediate family is the most important thing for children. Grandparents are important too, but don't sacrifice one for the other. They are adults and can take your decision to spend extra time alone.

Phelicia - posted on 12/16/2010

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Okay, so I guess I am going to have to be a bit of a jerk since everyone has been so nice. My parents see my kids 2 times a week usually. If I need a babysitter, they get first dibs. My inlaws live across the country, and I would make sure they saw the kids if they were here, but they wouldn't likely babysit for various reasons.

Here is the issue, your life is with your husband and your family. That is your priority, not fairness. The baby needs time to be in a familiar environment bonding with mom and dad. While close bonds with grandparents are impoortant, there does become a time when they can cross the line and want a more active role than grandparent. In short, do put yourself out to ensure that baby has a relationship with their grandparents. Don't put yourself out to the point that you are feeling resentful of the effort or lack of alone time. It is difficult because we always want to do what is best for our baby,but bear in mind that is the goal, not pleasing grandparents. If you need more time alone, so be it. If they want to watch the baby for you, by all means take an occasional date with hubby and let them, but make sure baby is happy and has mom and dad most of the time to themselves.

Barbara - posted on 12/16/2010

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My parents and family see our 3 children very often. My husbands family have no in interest at all in our family life which i feel they are missing out on so much.So i would say u are very lucky 2 have both familys support. Good luck

Trina - posted on 12/16/2010

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Nancy what grounds do they have to take your son away from you if you are a good mum they don't stand a chance hun

Angela - posted on 12/16/2010

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Both sets of parents are luckier than many grandparents in that you are close enough for them to see their grandson every week!. It seems that maybe your in-laws could switch off with your parents on keeping your grandson while you work or that the long Sunday visit be shortened for some family time.

I understand the caught in between thing because that scenario has repeated in many ways over the years in our family and I am here to tell you that I have become a little bitter because I am so tired of trying to keep everyone I love happy. Family is very important and kids knowing their grandparents is a real asset, but establishing your own family relationships and memories is imperative. I think as long as either set of grandparents gets equal time with the grandkids, it will be fair and you will owe no one any apology. It may mean going to visits with extended family every other week and your own family doing something together the alternate weekend and switching out who keeps your son while you are at work.

Kerrie - posted on 12/16/2010

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Speaking as a grandmother, and from the other side of the coin, I think that you are doing a pretty good job in dividing your time between the two … almost too good. How hard it must be for you to keep up that routine every week with young children.

I have two grandchildren. My children only live a few minutes away, I see my daughter’s child almost every day; I take her dancing; she has sleepovers; before she started school, I took her a grandparent’s playgroup. My son’s baby is now almost 9 months old and I have never been asked to mind him. I have never seen him for more than a couple of hours at a time. I know that my daughter-in-law asks her mother to mind him but that is the way of life – daughters gravitate to their own mothers first.

My dear, it may be difficult but perhaps you should ask your in-laws what they think would be fair and then tell them what you think is fair to you, your husband and your children. I certainly wish for more time with my grandson but hesitate to express that wish. I would love it if my son and daughter-in-law asked me what I would like.

To the lady who said grandchildren are not a right they are a privilege, I agree, they are a privilege … but not in the way you meant it. Grandchildren bring joy and happiness to their grandparents. Being a grandparent is, believe me, the most amazing thing that will ever happen to you and no one prepares you for how you will feel about your grandchildren. It is a great privilege to be a grandparent.

JoHanna - posted on 12/16/2010

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My in-laws also got upset that my mom did more of the babysitting, but they were never available. Now we make the attempt to call them first for sitting so that they don't feel like they are never asked. However, sometimes its frustrating because they usually say no anyway.

Diana - posted on 12/16/2010

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Your lucky. Neither of my son's grandparents want to watch him. He sees his Daddy's parents once in awhile. My parents less than once a month. My parents don't like him, because he is my son. Be grateful they both want to help. Maybe see if you can work out time for one to babysit at work, then set up the other to babysit where you and the husband can have quality time together. It is healthy to remember your relationship too.

Kathryn - posted on 12/16/2010

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From what I understand in your question is that the only real issue is the Thursday baby sitting schedule. Would it be practical for you to allow the grandparents to alternate instead of just the one doing all the Thursday baby sitting? If you are comfortable with the idea, that seems like a plausible solution.

Ami - posted on 12/16/2010

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We have a 16 month old. All grandparent are divorced and single. MIL lives 5 hours away and visits every 6-8 weeks for two nights(sometimes 4 weeks). The other 3 live just 30 minutes away. My mother comes to my house on average every 6 weeks for 2-4 hours but she has not come out for as long as 3 months and sometimes she comes twice in a month. My father comes out about once every three months. My FIL will come out regularly for a month or two and then not at all for a couple of months. None of them have ever kept him alone at there home for any amount of time over 20 minutes. We have hinted to the "local" grandparents that we want him to stay the night with them but no luck yet? And hes a good baby so thats not the reason. With that said we do know they all love him and he loves them:) I can only assume they all do the best they can or know how.

Sheri - posted on 12/16/2010

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I my mom about every other day. She lives next door. That is one of the main reason we picked our house. We see my husband's grandma.(he was raised by her) about once or twice a month. I will admit that Benji is closer to my mom than to my husband's Gram, they are both involved in Benji's life. My husband also works a lot. It is easier to take Benji next door than to drive him across town. I know Gram would like to see Benji more but she also understands. Each grandma is different and this makes it funner for Benji. It's all about Benji not about how are parents feel. It's not a competition. Gram knows we are busy working and have our own life. Just let your in laws know it's not intentional, and it's not about them.

Connie - posted on 12/16/2010

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I had the SAME problem. It came down to we don't really go anywhere! Our home is always open to whoever wants to come see the kids. That way they can't complain, because they are the ones who choose when they want to come.

Markita - posted on 12/16/2010

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Move far, far away! My family is on the east coast and my in-laws are in another state. We don't have issues with who visits more.

On a more serious note, I totally agree with Laura that the whole argument is juvenile.

Tina - posted on 12/16/2010

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So far as your status is I would be the 'grandparent', and you need to make arrangements with your husband in regard to what the both of you prefer, and how you are able to manage with the grandparents. It would appear that both are in the same town, and that can be a problem. I would suggest that you and your husband work out what is agreeable to the both of you, state it to both sets of grandparents, and explain to them that this is what you are willing to have happen. If one set is able to do different things with the grandchild that the other is not able to do, save that for the 'special occaisions' that you know will be workable for both of you. If both are balanced in what they can do, trade off, one week with one set, and the oher with the other set. Make sure that your child, is not confused as to who his real parents, are and that both sets of grandparents love him equally. My own situation is different, in that my son who has his son, with his wife is overseas, and we have only the internet and the phone to stay in touch with each other. He is our only son, and our only grandson at this point, and the wife is sweet, and loving, and her mom is also overseas from where she is living as well. So I don''t know how often she calls her mom too to let her know how her grandson is doing likewise. When it comes to myself and my husband seeing our 'inlaws', we use to live closer and saw them only on the holidays, i.e. Christmas or 4th. of July time frame while keeping Easter for ourselves. Thanksgiving we spent with our immediate family as that was easiest for us to manage most of the time. Otherwise we would spend it with my parents, as they were closer at the time. Our kids are now all so far away from us, that we don't see them on a regular basis, and so only hear from them on the phone, or email, or facebook. So it is much different now. Hope that has given you some insight .

Rebekah - posted on 12/16/2010

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We are going through annoying problems with in-laws too. But my husband is now trained to say "it's inappropriate for you to guilt trip us like that. Everything isn't about you." And that's the main problem... parents (especially in-laws) seem to think EVERYTHING is about them. When it isn't!

And your marriage, and getting enough time as a husband and wife and family is WAY more important than making everyone happy. You aren't married so that you can make things fair to each side of the family. You are a SEPARATE family and each side needs to respect the decisions you make as a family. You could always switch every other week who baby sits your little one. If I were you, I would nix this whole going over to each side of the family a couple times a week each. I would tell them that you will do dinner one time a month with each family. And then they can switch every other week with baby sitting. I don't care of they are mad! You are a separate family with your own lives. But I know how hard this is... I know I sound really tough, but this stuff stresses me out SO BAD. Good luck!

Vickie - posted on 12/16/2010

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we see our ext-family maybe once every 3 yrs. My husband's mom's too poor to travel from Ca. to tx, and we have such a large family, traveling anywhere outta state to see my family in KY or anywhere else is nearly impossible for us (7 kids) We don't have a car to seat all of us, so we'd have to rent something and with lodging incl, it's just too much. His dad is sick and can't travel, and my mom's on disability and has to wait til she's got the money saved up, so it's like every 2 -3 yrs for her. We've gotten used to it. I try to keep them updated on FB, phone and email.

Leslie Ann - posted on 12/16/2010

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If your in-laws are concerned with seeing your son more. Maybe you should suggest that they pick a night or even and overnight (if you are comfortable) that your in-laws take your son. If it is a night that your husband is home it was would be a double bonus. Not only would your in-laws get to see your son, but you and your husband could have some a lone time. Maybe a date night.

I understand how hard it is when you have a spouse who is not home a lot. I'm sure a deeper look into your relationship would reveal that this is putting strain on the two of you as well. Sometimes one night a lone is all you need to keep things fresh and appreciate each other, It doesn't make you a bad parent to one a night a lone. I only suggest this because it sounds as if the in-laws would like some control. Maybe you could even plan this as a once a month deal. It sounds as though they are jealous for whatever the reason.

My in-laws live two hours away and we would love to have them more interested in taking our children for a weekend. One day is kinds of a waste in driving time for them and us.

Good luck I know it is tough, but you will get through it. May a set schedule is all you need. Even if you are not working a few hours at home might give you a chance to get shopping or house work done. Or just spent sometime with yourself doing something for yourself.

Erin - posted on 12/16/2010

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It sounds to me BOTH families see him about same. What I would do is instead of you, your husband, your son and your in laws spending all day Sunday together let them have the baby while you and your husband have some alone time. If they want to watch him alone. I wish I had that problem, where everyone wanted to watch my son for me. And explain to everyone you are dividing the time as best as you can and would like it if people wouldn't put added stress in your life.

Laura - posted on 12/16/2010

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Take Sunday back for yourselves, life is too short to worry about the actual hours - it's quality time that counts. It sounds like you have already divided up time equally and can afford to have the Sunday for just your family.

[deleted account]

Jayde, Your sit up is just fine. My question is when your in-laws get to see their grandson, how do they respond? Are they excited or do they seem to be bit tense about the whole thing. The reason I ask this is, if they are excited then the schedule is perfect. I am a grandmother and my grand-daughters other grand-parents do see her a bit more than I do. My Grand-daughter is two now and when her parents say to her "are you ready to go to Grandmas' house?" She at first says "NO' They then tell her "Grandma and grandpa (with jake)" She then gets real excited and says Yes, Yes," Jake is our dog. This is the only way she knows which Grandma and Grandpa her parents are talking about. I lovve that! Although, I may not get to see my grand-daughter as much as the other grand-parents, she gets so excited when she comes over and I am also. She will stay all night the days that she does come over, which makes it even more enjoyable. I will admit, there are times I get a bit jealous that the other grand-parents get to see her more often, but I enjoy the time I do get to spend with her. So stay with the schedule you have. It is just fine. Your in-laws just need to know that it isn't anything personal. There is always going to be some kind of jealously between grand-parents no-matter what you do. Good Luck! ): o ) Beth

Lucinda - posted on 12/16/2010

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Ok the thing is I don't know the ins and outs for you so hard to help see my mil and her bf live about 3 hours away and are old but my husband isn't close to any of his family, So we see them a few times a year usually like 3 day spirts. My folks live 2 blocks away we c them most days. but none of them none of them are left to babysit exept occasionally for maybe an hour my ma. We all have totally diff parenting beliefs and that is a huge issue. Do you trust your inlaws to watch him? If your lucky enough to have people who you can trust to do things your way then utalize that and split the child care if not don't Gotta protect your boy . As for holidays they are spent at my brothers we used to split them b tween my brother and his but cercomstances changed so now we go to my brothers . My husbands not close to any of his family I'm close to most of mine! But none of us c eye to eye on parenting. Best of luck to you

Melissa - posted on 12/15/2010

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Just let your husbands family baby sit on a Sunday so you and your husband can have some time alone

Jodie - posted on 12/15/2010

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I'm a bit torn with this but you'll understand why in a second. My parents make of point of seeing our kids every couple of weeks. My dad drives long haul and my mom goes with for complany so they're only home on weekends but when we visit it's generally for a weekend. My husbands parents are divorced. His parents rarely see the kids and I don't really think they care. We generally see his dad twice a year and it's planned months in advance. In 2008 both times we had planned to go visit (plans that were made 6 months in advance BOTH TIMES) they decided that going to see Bon Jovi in the states the first time and going to Las Vegas the second time was more important. They didn't see us at all that year. My mother in law sees the kids every 3-4 months. So I'm town because I think you're kids are so lucky to have grandparents who are upset they don't see them enough but so happy I'm not stuck in the middle. I wasn't helpful, sorry!

Caroline - posted on 12/15/2010

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I don't see my parents or my inlaws because neither of them approved of our marriage. That is okay, I don't have to put up with the squabbling over holidays. But that also means that my son has no grandparents so there is a good and bad to everything.

Erin - posted on 12/15/2010

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That is no good... I don't know why Your inlaws would say they would take your child from you... but as long as your child is healthy and happy... they should have nothing to complain about.

Nancy - posted on 12/15/2010

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I visit out of respect for my husband, my inlaws have already threatened to take my son from me once. I dont trust them anymore

Cathy M - posted on 12/08/2010

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baby who's life is it anyway? They have theirs, you are still working on getting yours together. If you let them stress you like this it filters down to the little person in your life. Invite them both over for dinner when your husband is home. Alternate baby sitting.

Rachel - posted on 12/07/2010

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Well, don't know if I'm much help to you or anyone on here, as I have a 15 month old baby boy, we leave 4 hrs north from my hubby's mom, and states away from his dad. We dont see much of the latter, but for the 1st 9 months of our sons birth my dh mother was up every wk for 5 days. My parents however on the other hand have only seen our son 1 time that was when he was a little over a month old. By their choice though, they live in SC and choose not to see us- theres some strife there. But my MIL thinks that our son is her baby, and has no respect for us and how we want to raise our child. I get the impression she doesn't like me the way she use to, and what she didn't like her parents doing to her child (my hubby) she is doing the exact to us and our child. I find it hard coping at times whenever we get together with her because she feels she owns the rights to our child when he is only her grandbaby. I feel she will never respect me as our sons mother until she realizes that our son is her GRAND baby not HER baby, she doesn't have any competition with anyone, because my parents have nothing to do with us, therefore she can fully claim our son as her grandbaby, but she has never respected me or the way we are choosing to raise our son. I hope it gets easier for you in how you deal with your situation, if you have any advice as to what I can do I'm willing to try anything!

Kristie - posted on 12/07/2010

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I think thats great that your parents and your inlaws take such an interest in you and your son. You are so lucky to having a standing invitation every week. Now a days it seems like most grandparents are still working (not yet retired) and just so busy that they don't take an interest in the day to day stuff. If you dont have enough time in your schedule for them you could always invite them to be part of an activity. For instance if your son takes a sport they could drive him to and be his cheering section. that way they get time with him and you get a little more time for you. This worked well when my daughter took riding lessons. Her grandmother took her there and got to bond with her granddaughter at the same time. win-win

[deleted account]

honestly, I would KILL for your situation. My MIL is at our house, about 20 times a day. My mom makes it in town the rare times (she's about an hours drive from us) and usually we just end up taking a few days to go down there every few months, and just enjoy the quiet.

I think it's a very unfair position you are put in, for them to tell you that it's unfair that your parents baby sit and they dont. They still see him, do they not? They have no reason to complain. Is there a particular reason that it is your parents that watch him every week? Maybe to make it easier on you, you could swap that every week. One week they go to your parents to be babysat, the other week, their house. Maybe that would ease the tension, quell everyone's frustrations until you could come up with a better situation (if it doesn't work out, or if they just can't hack it for you, babysitting wise)

Trina - posted on 12/06/2010

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my mother-in-law gets to see my children about twice a year cause she is to lazy to come and see them so i don't bother to take them to see her and my parents see them every 2 weeks or once a month as my dad got cancer so is hard for him to come and see them but they do make an effort so i make the effort to take my kids to see them they enjoy the time they do spend with them so i think your parents and in-laws should stop bickering and just think themselves lucky they get to see your son when they do because there is only so much you can take before you turn round and tell them that enough is enough they are adults and need to grow up, i do feel sorry for you though as it is not a nice situation to be in.

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