How often do you see your extended family? (ie. in-laws and your parents)

Jayde - posted on 11/22/2010 ( 190 moms have responded )

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How often do you see your extended family? (ie. in-laws and your parents)

We have a one year old boy and just lately there has been alot of upset and pressure between our families over who gets to see our son more. On average I goto my families house one evening a week and on thursday they will look after him from 2-6 (the time I'm at work). With my in-laws we go over for dinner one night a week and they like us to spend all day on Sunday with them.

The problem is because my husband is away for work alot we in our little family aren't getting much alone time together and my in-laws think its unfair that my parents get to babysit by themselves. I feel like a piggy in the middle atm because I'm copping it from both sides.

If you have any suggestions or explain what you do I would really appreciate it.

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Trina - posted on 12/06/2010

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my mother-in-law gets to see my children about twice a year cause she is to lazy to come and see them so i don't bother to take them to see her and my parents see them every 2 weeks or once a month as my dad got cancer so is hard for him to come and see them but they do make an effort so i make the effort to take my kids to see them they enjoy the time they do spend with them so i think your parents and in-laws should stop bickering and just think themselves lucky they get to see your son when they do because there is only so much you can take before you turn round and tell them that enough is enough they are adults and need to grow up, i do feel sorry for you though as it is not a nice situation to be in.

Melissa - posted on 12/06/2010

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i'm so sorry debora, that's an aweful thing to tell your child! i would totally cut off contact with them too if i were you! enjoy time spent with your side of the family and the people who mean the most to you and actually care about you, those are your real family.

Debora - posted on 12/06/2010

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my in law doesn`t know who we are anymore so visits are not very often anyway plus she stated if she had know her son was going to born learning disabled like his older brother she would not have had him if she could have aborted him ,i was told this while pregant with our soon to be 14yr old daughter and again with our 12yr daughter.

Debora - posted on 12/06/2010

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my inlaws only called me once i 14 yrs we always had to call them or just drop in when we were in town .my parents call daily we see them when their home which is on sunday maybe 2x a month since my dad drives semi-truck out of state .

Teresa - posted on 12/06/2010

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It can be difficult but as a gran can understand parents feelings could both sides do alternate thursday baby sitting and sudays could be either your fam or inlaws or could do 1wk your fam 2nd both fam come to you 3wk inlaws 4wk have as just u your husband and son good luck enjoy xxx

Melissa - posted on 12/06/2010

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I offered some advice, but never answered how often I see my family... I see my parents probably on average about once a month, and they live about an hour away. They don't make an effort to see us/our kids much more than that, but when they do see us they are great with the kids. They just get busy and they had some relationship issues a while back, so they are kinda focused on eachother more than anyone else. My in-laws are a different story though. They see us probably every week or every other week. If it goes any longer than that, my mother in law calls up asking if we can get together cuz she misses us and the kids... They live about 40 min. away, and it's actually my hubby's mom and stepdad, but he's like a dad to him, and he's great with my kids. We don't have scheduled days that we spend with anyone, that would be too limiting on us as a family. Usually we get together on weekends though; I dont work, and my hubby gets done working at 3pm, but the my dad and in-laws all work till around 5/6ish so getting together on a weeknight would be a little more difficult... not really worth the drive for only a couple hours to get back home in time to put the kids to bed by 9ish.

Melissa - posted on 12/06/2010

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Swap every other week which set of parents get to do the babysitting. Beyond that, explain to each side that you guys have your own family now and that spending time as together just the three of you is very important and you need that bonding time. Tell them that you enjoy seeing the parents, and that you want them to spend time with your son, but that they need to understand that some weeks it might not work out, or you may just need some family time. Based on what you described, you are spending 3 days a week at one of the 'parents' houses, and then a 4th day is spend with parents at your house while you are gone working. So that means that your son is spending more days a week with his grandparents than he is with his own parents. Especially if your hubby is gone a lot, then when he is around, you need to spend time just as a family. Your parents are all being ridiculous to fight over who gets to see your son more. Even once a week is more than a lot of grandparents get to see their grandkids, so just have an honest conversation with each of them and explain to them how you feel and that they need to back off. They are acting more like a set of divorced parents in a custody battle than grandparents, imho.

Renae - posted on 12/05/2010

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Well, My family is a whole other thing.. My inlaws do not see my daughter. She is 1 year old but it is for her best interests why they dont. My FIL is a druggie and MIL is pshycotic. She held us hostage in her house and wouldnt let us leave and when were finally able to leave..We were only there for like 3 days til we snuck out while she and her husband were asleep. She says that she will be around our daughter whether my husband and I want her to be or not. So Yeah, My inlaws do not see my daughter per me and my husbands rules.. Before All of this started happening though.. MIL lives out of town so we saw her about once a month maybe twice. My FIL we never really go over and see. We currently live with My mother and thats pretty much that.. Basically to answet your question... We saw them once or twice monthly. But only cuz they live out of town.

Marina - posted on 12/05/2010

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if i was u spend the weekends with ur son and husband and split the rest of the days with the inlaws

Shelley - posted on 12/05/2010

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Circle the wagons, baby! Your new family (you, your husband and child) is the most important thing. You talk to your parents, and he should talk to his. Tell them that you love them and are grateful that they want to spend time with your child, but that you need a bit of a breather when it comes to scheduling. If you want to be alone, that should be okay. Your son is only one - it's natural that you would want to do some outings or have days just with your family of three. Set the pace now, because if your family gets larger, this problem will not be getting smaller! Bet you never thought having a baby would turn the grandparents into children! Good luck!

Kellie - posted on 12/05/2010

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In the begining we would see our family's a lot and it can get really stressful. It is hard if one side feels like they are getting more attention and not the other. We (my husband and I) are at a point where if it is a holiday or a birthday we would much rather be home with our own little family and spend the time together. We both work so when one of us is home the other is at work so we NEVER have a day off to just be together as a family and that can be stressful as well. We will rotate who we ask to babysit, but we really don't go out and do much without our 2 kids. They are at such a fun and easy age to go do stuff with so we are just enjoying this time in our lives and not worrying so much about the extended family. They had there time to be parents now it is our time to be parents. (I don't mean that in a rude way at all so ladies please don't take it the wrong way) We actually stayed home and had our own thanksgiving and didn't go to anyones house and it was the BEST thanksgiving we have had since we had our kids. If your in-laws want alone time with your son then maybe on Sundays you and your hubby can sneak off for a couple of hours and catch a movie or just go to a mall, get a latte walk around and just window shop, or something. I would take advantage of it. My in-laws are always watching the other grandkids that when we do want to go out with out kids say for our anniversary it is like pulling teeth with them, so we end up taking them to my dads.....again. Or I will pay my little sister who is in high school to babysit for us. The nice thing is that our parents do understand us wanting to have our time alone, it is my husbands sister and his brothers wife that don't get it and like to cause drama about us being apart from them. But at family gathers the adults are busy socializing and the kids are all off playing so you don't get that time together. His sister gave us grief about not going over to her house on thanksgiving, but his parents understood that sometimes it is best to just stay home.

Macresia - posted on 12/05/2010

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Yeah, everyone wants to be treated fairly! But your visits to extended families are quite frequent.. We visit our extended families once a month, one day for each (but we don't really stay the whole day). And your family looking after him on Thursday is already considered a visit. Maybe a change of schedule may improve the situation.

Rebecca - posted on 12/05/2010

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This may sound rude but the family needs to get over themselves. I'm sure you're trying to do your best and it's difficult getting around to see everyone. If they are so desperate to see your son then what is stopping them from coming to you. Geeze don't they remember what it was like when they had their own family? It's hectic at the best of times, and even harder to balance everyday responsibilities. I'd tell them to stop competing and stop expecting you to make all the effort and tell them to move on from this stupid selfish hang up they seem to have. Geeze...

SHAWNELL - posted on 12/04/2010

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You can never please everyone! There will always be that one person that makes you feel bad. It sounds like you're doing your best by having both sides of the family in his life. Just like you said you need some quality time with just the three of you. Just continue what you are doing i think everything is going good they just love him so much that if they could see him every day they would:) I wish my son's other grandmother was in his life, your son is very blessed to have two lovely grandmother's. Godbless!!!!

Tanya - posted on 12/04/2010

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I agree with those people who say to put your own immediate family first. My in-laws don't live in the same city as us, so we are fortunate not to have any issues with "grandparent rivalry". Our parents look after my son two days a week so we don't have to pay for 5 days of daycare, and they have the added benefit of spending quality time alone with their grandson. We also have a standing invitation for dinner every Wednesday night, but it's flexible.

I see the type of position that you're in with my sister's in-laws. Every Sunday HAS to be at their place all day, and there's no flexibility. Even if my sister's birthday falls on a Sunday, that day is spent with her in-laws instead of with us! There has to be flexibility and understanding, or there can be a lot of resentment from everyone. Your in-laws should realize that expecting you to spend all day (and every) Sunday with them is not fair to your immediate family. You need time to do things together. If they could occasionally babysit so you and your husband can have some alone time, that's great, but you need to be the one who sets the rules.

Heather - posted on 12/04/2010

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perhaps each set of parents can babysit once each week, or in the evening, when you and your husband can go out. if they complain about it, then tell them not to fuss when the other parents DO babysit.

Ericka - posted on 12/04/2010

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I think the fair question will be: Are you getting enough time for yourselves as a family? I think your visits schedule is fair enough and if your parents babysit for you is because that arrangement fits you and your needs. Your in-laws are being selfish.

Suzanna - posted on 12/04/2010

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My parents live in the same city - though 40 minutes away, it stops neither of us from driving at least once a week to visit. They probably keep my 4 yr. old over night 2-3 times a month. We absolutely love being with my parents.

I feel sad sometimes that my in-laws live 5 hours away and we don't see them as often. They feel hurt if we miss a major holiday and if they have a special party (which they have a couple times a year). I want to spend major holidays at least in part with my family, too but sacrifice them for my in-laws because we just can't get back in time to split them. I wish they would make the drive to see us as well, but they don't.

Nevertheless, I do my best to attend everything we can for the in-laws and my parents. It keeps peace in the family. They know we are doing our best. In your case, you may need your husband's help to communicate some ideas to his parents! This is what we do. This will keep your part of the relationship healthy :) This year I told my husband to tell his parents that I would like to spend Thanksgiving with my parents because they never see us for this major holiday and it is important to them,too. Otherwise, they spent it alone one year when my siblings all went to their in-laws. He communicated the fact that it's not really fair for them to be alone either on a major holiday and that it was just one year.

I love the previous suggestion of asking your in-laws to baby-sit your child and you take some shopping time for yourself! That's what they want, is one-on-one time. They want to feel that you trust them with your husband's child. My mother has expressed this to me in regards to my in-laws. I think that will make the key difference. God's blessings on your family :)

Rachel - posted on 12/04/2010

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it is nice that they both want to spent time with you and your kids... although the demanding and childish argueing is just not right... my parents live about 3 hours away and they will pop by every few weeks when they are passing through, and we will go visit them when we can hopefully once a month.

on the other hand my husband's parents are divorced, his dad lives 4-5 hours away with his new wife. and although he will come through town every once in a while he rarely stops in to see the only grandson. or even his son... he will travel to see his stepson but not his own children... aparently we arnt' any fun... we dont' drink, smoke and party....

as for my husband's mom... well she will see him about once a week or every other week. she is too busy with her own life to care to see him too much. it is rare that we let her baby sit because she is a collector, and has breakables everywhere,,, not a toddler friendly house.... even though she lives 5 minutes from us.

then we have my husband's grandparents. they are great although healthwise they arn't the best. so we go visit them once a week or every other week ... when time allows. they are also only 5 minutes away.....

life would be easier for me if my family lived closer... I am lucky noone fights over us although christmas is always tough my parents would like to alternate years... but his family thinks they have their thing and we should be there.... not totally sure what we will do this year :P

Maria - posted on 12/04/2010

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I no longer live in the same state as my fam and my in laws. What I would do is ask your families if they would take every other week babysitting or ask your in-laws to babysit for 3 hours a week so you can get some alone time do run errands or just have some you time.
Also you have to put your foot down and tell both of them that you need time just you and the baby. Yes you may up set them a little but to bad you need to be able to tell everyone what you need.

Taimi - posted on 12/04/2010

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Hi,

honestly I think You are granting everybody else too much influence and time over your 'little' familys time.
Personally I'd very lovingly but determined tell them that
a) Your parents enable you to work by baby sitting your baby, and that's very important for your future!
b) If they really wish, you can try to seek the 'babysitting alone' help from your 'in-laws' for an evening that you'd like to go out with your husband for some 'just-the-two-of-us'-time.
c) You'll reduce the number of weekends to 'one weekend/parents/month! to take care of the relationship in your own small family. You three need that too!

Many greetings from Taimi
from the X-Mas-country, Finland!

Danielle - posted on 12/04/2010

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I live in florida and my family in georgia and my husbands in texas and virginia so it isn't often. My mother in law complains about us not coming up to Va often but as I explained we can't afford to fly ( we have 3 kids besides ourselves) and the drive is too long for a short weekend especially since she works a lot. I see my family when we go to georgia which is not often either. Just a 4 hour drive so can be made easier, but to his mothers it is over 8 hours and my husband won't leave but like 8 am and I am not sitting all day in the car with whining kids.

Caran - posted on 12/04/2010

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What's really important for you to consider are your reasons for your schedule. It sounds like the biggest issue is that your in-laws would like to have alone time with your son similar to what your parents have.

It doesn't sound like you have relationship or trust issues with your ILs so consider having your ILs and parents switch off on babysitting. If it's a distance issue (ie your parents are on the way to work while ILs live across town), then consider having ILs commit to watching your son at your house or picking him up prior to you leaving for work.

Also, make sure you discuss this with your husband so that you two are in agreement with whatever decision you come up with. You need to know that he's supporting you in case his parents go to him privately to complain about the arrangement and he knows he has the same from you.

Colleen - posted on 12/04/2010

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Hunny this is your life.. and YOUR child.. put your foot down.. and you make the decisions.. one evening/night a week is plenty.. once you start letting family members so call babysit your boy they just may start complaining about him.. and you know and respect your folks just a hint more because you were raised under and in their values.. you know what to expect from them and you know that they will do 99.9% of what you ask and expect from therm. I think that in-laws (our in-laws - daughter-in-law) can run into "things" with in-laws.. I couldn't be happier that we moved from Rhode Island to Virginia.. both our parents and families are still in NY and CT.. and there is a lot of space.. GOOD space.. and honestly I think I call she shots when we are going there and where we are staying and for how long.. I don't really see eye to eye with my in-laws so less is more.. they have never really INCLUDED me in the family and because I do have a different way of thinking I always catch crap for it.. earlier this year January we went up there for post holiday holidays and my father in-law started a BIG food thing with me.. there was yelling and I left their house and didn't eat "holiday" dinner with them.. wasn't offered food when I returned... I am careful with what food I give my daughter.. High Fructose Corn Syrup is in so much.. I try my best to keep her food healthy which keeps her happy and healthy.. Stand your ground.. trust yourself.. keep earning your respect.. don't let them walk all over you.. : ) Take good care.. you can write me at dilgy1266@aol.com.. Peace.. Colleen

Celissa - posted on 12/04/2010

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I don't think there's any way to please everyone. If you give in to one then the other will be upset. My family is kind of the same way, they just don't tell me anymore.

My son goes to a grandparents one day out of the weekend every week. They alternate, for ex. My mother-in-law will keep him this weekend on Monday and he comes home on Tuesday. Next week is my mothers week and she gets him on Saturday and brings him back on Sunday. They each picked their day to keep him so it would work with their work schedules, and they always get him on that day on their respective weekend. It works out well because my husband is off Sunday-Tuesday, so we get a morning to sleep in, and an evening to have a date. Other than the weekends my mother in law takes him a few hours each week so I can clean the house, and we visit my mom once a week too. (my mother in law lives five miles up the road from me and and my mom lives 30 miles away.) My mom understands me not leaving him and going home because it's not logical to drive 30 there and 30 home twice in a day.

If they're jealous of one another they don't tell me. I think it's natural for them to be a little jealous of each other's time spent with our son, but they understand. You can't please everyone and it's best to just stop trying. Do what works for your family and explain to both sides that you're doing the best you can and that's all they should ask of you. If they keep on just tell them that it's your child and if they don't like the way you're handling it to keep it to themselves. It's really immature to put that on you.

Rhonda - posted on 12/04/2010

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My opinion , sounds a bit immature from the grandparents.Playing the ain't fair game should had stopped at a very early age.Sounds a bit silly coming from grandparents.Anyway I believe whats important most is the family bonding .{between You ,Hubby & child} Of course family all around is important but grandparents had their time and now it's yours.I think the grandparents need to relax a bit,let mom and dad have their time now,most cherished memories to create.Be sensitive and do your part with visiting But do what makes you happy and spend your time bonding.Grandparents should understand..

Dawn - posted on 12/04/2010

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I have family that is spread all over, my kids are 3 and 4 and there are cousins and aunts and uncles they have never met. We have a few that are in our lives every day.

Lori - posted on 12/04/2010

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We have always lived long distance from both of sets of parents. We do live closer to my in-laws to where we can manage to go to family gatherings and back home in a day but my sons each had time in the summer with my parents and saw them 2-3 times other times during the year and talked to them every Saturday. Now-as a grandma-I would love to be able to see my grandchildren at least as much however they live on the west coast and we live in the Midwest. They live with their mom's family. Since it sounds like both sets of parents live close and you are trying to do your best at ensuring that each get grandparent time--it is time to set some boundaires. Can you alternate the parents night out babysitting? If that's not logistically feasible--then your in-laws will need to understand that you are doing your best and that they need to support you-not put more pressure on. You need to tell them how you feel.

Irena - posted on 12/04/2010

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It sounds pretty juvenile that your in laws are complaining about this. We do our best to split time between our two families as equally as possible and it's not always possible to be exact. I think you and your husband should try to set aside time just the two of you and ask his parents to watch the kids. Or you can use that time just for youself considering you have the hardest job of them all. After all that, it there are still complaints, ignore it. You can never make everyone happy all the time. Do what you think is best for your husband and children. Extended family should respect that. Good luck!

Sherelle - posted on 12/04/2010

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I used to see my mum every day. It often gave me some down time while she helped with the kids. And I loved her company. The in-laws were more traditional grandparents. My mum minded my daughter 2 days a week and I saw her each afternoon. The in-laws would get visiting time. If they complained - tough luck. They're my children and they have had their time raising kids. I didn't have children for them to need. Now my mum has passed away the kids see more of there other grandparents but still no where near as much. More on a needs basis rather than me wanting to visit them. As for your in-laws wanting all day Sunday - some hard love is needed there. Time with your husband (when he's home) and children alone with your family is far more important than keeping others happy. Inlaws are always tricky but I think if you don't set the boundaries (just like with children (hee hee)) they try to overtake. I hope your husband backs you up. Good luck!

Darlene - posted on 12/04/2010

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maybe you could alternate babysitting 1 week with your parents and 1 week with N laws

Christina - posted on 12/04/2010

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You are really lucky to have family close by. When my kids were little (and even now) the closest we ever seem to be to family is a ten hour drive. My husband was military so we were seldom close enough for any family time at all, and I really missed that part of their childhood. We did go home as often as possible (usually once a year) but that never seems enough.

I know this issue seems frustrating to you and you want to make everyone happy. Try setting up a time where your in-laws get to babysit... even if it means you take that time to just wash your hair, or grocery shop or take a nap! But set boundries on things... you are the mom and you have your own life and needs and as parents both sides of the family should respect that. Just sit everyone down and have a frank talk, you will be surprised at how much both sides of the family want to make sure you are supported and have what you need.

Jenna - posted on 12/04/2010

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i see my parents pretty much every weekend (the kids and i both stay, my other half runs a restaurant and works long hours), and the in-laws have the 2 kids one evening a week (not overnight).
i haven't really got any helpful suggestions, it's a hard situation.
Parents and in-laws are always going to believe the other has it better. My mother helped raise my firstborn, then I met my fiancee and we had a baby. My mother feels left out, like the second child isn't as much "hers"... she said to me "with 'child A' she was like mine, with child B I'm just a grandparent"... geez, I spent SO many years trying to get Mum to see that she was only the grandparent and ME the parent and to back the hell off and let me make my own decisions! Trying to make everyone happy is just going to make you unhappy.
Only suggestion I could make would be to dump the kid at the inlaws and tell them that you and your hubby are going out for a night together. that way you get some "quality couples time" and the kids are being looked after ALONE like they wanted :)

Karen - posted on 12/04/2010

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My mother looks after my daughter twice a week whilst I work, and we usually catch up at some point over the weekend or on my day off. However this is simply because I enjoy my mothers company & this is my chance to catch up with her. I wouldn't go out of duty.
Luckily my mother in law lives overseas so we only see her 2 - 3 times a year, and the rest is phone calls and photo's.
I wouldn't allow yourself to feel under any pressure. I think its completely natural for the mother's parents to see more of the grandkids in most cases, and you should visit both parents because you want to and not out of duty. They will just have to understand.
On the plus side - 2 sets of babysitters!

Angie - posted on 12/04/2010

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My parents live out of state, so only see us a few times a year. The rest of our family, in laws, etc. visit when they can but we all agree that we do what we can, when we can, but our own families, children and husband come first when it comes to getting our attention.
Personally, I don't have any family members fighting over who doesn't get to see my kids enough. But I have family members dealing with that with their extended families.
The best you can do is explain to them that the fairest way to share time with them is to split it equally during times that you need someone to take care of your kids while you run errands, go to doctor's appointments, etc. The rest of the time, when you and your husband have the chance, you deserve to spend that time with your kids. They will only be little for a certain amount of time and you want the quality time with them that they deserve to have.
It looks like they already have a pretty fair amount of time split between them. But don't feel obliged to spend an entire Sunday with extended family if you have the opportunity to get that time with your husband and kids to yourselves. They both get one night a week with you and the kids, maybe you can stagger the Thursday babysitting between them, each getting 2 Thursdays a month.
But ultimately, it comes down to what you want for you and your family. If you need backup to explain your feelings with your inlaws, and I were you, I'd talk to them about it when my husband is there with me. Family comes first, but extended family has to come second when the kids are growing up. Quality time with the kids is fleeting. Grab onto whatever time you can and cherish it, even if it means standing up to the extended family members and convincing them how important that time is to you.
Good Luck, I know how stubborn extended family members can be over time with the grandkids.

Rae - posted on 12/03/2010

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I tried to write some suggestions but i just cant as I dont know what it is like to have in laws or parents around. My in laws and husband havent spoken in the last 7yrs (my eldest is nearly 5) and my parents live in the U.k and im in Oz. I have been back once in the last 11yrs.

Olena - posted on 12/03/2010

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My parents & my in-laws are living in another country. When our Angel was 9 months old they met her for the 1st time. Most of the time she was with my mom, cos she even didn't want to stay with my in-laws. And now they see their granddaughter almost everyday! Thanks God we have internet & Skype nowadays!!!
And the Answer is: only You&your husband, Jayde, must make a decision (without fighting) who & when can babysit with your Baby. And both of your Parents should not feel insulted at all! They must uderstand You! ;)

[deleted account]

I guess I am lucky I don't have that problem. We used to live 10 minutes from my mom and 13 hours from my in laws and so when my in laws came to visit my mom would avoid us like we had the plague. Now we r 10 minutes from my in laws and 13 hours from my mom so they show her the same respect and stay away when she is here. But try alternating the days or do one family 1 week and the other the next week or u could do what I had to do when I argue with my in laws and say they r MY kids no one has any say in what I do with them as long as they r safe happy and healthy

Sherri - posted on 12/03/2010

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As a former mom with the kids, we tried to see each set of grands equally for holidays, but we lived within 30 min of each. My husbands parents were older, and they had already had the excitement of sitting with the grands. A brief regular visit seemed more in keeping with their ability to withstand the commotion. Now that I am the grandma and mother in law, I remember how unselfish our parents were, and try to give them the same priviledge. While it may seem normal to spend more time with the Wife's family, please don't leave out his. The women who have married into our clan who do this leave us feeling like we are not worth the time and effort to visit. Also, my friend has a saying: "I've seen the lights of Paris, I've seen the lights of Rome; but the lights I like the most of all are the taillights of the kids headed home.". Allow mom and dad some time alone as well. They may be exploring the "empty nest"!:)

Kayla - posted on 12/03/2010

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i feel your pain!!! my husband just started working away a lot too :( and we have a 20 month old girl. i don't work but live within 15 miles of all our family (my parents were divorced and both remarried so i have more visits to make that way) i agree with other ppl have said, no one has to see your child! seeing the family is suppose to be fun and enjoyable, but often times it feels like an obligation (at least thats how my husband and i feel sometimes). go where u want to when u want to not just cuz its a schedule. they will adjust or not, not ur problem if they can't. and its only natural, when ur husband is away that u see ur family more--thats ur comfort zone. if the inlaws don't get that, too bad. u need to live for u and ur family and whats best for u guys, not whats best for everyone else. sundays used to be the day we spent with my inlaws, but now that my husband is gone, we've implimented that sunday is our stay at home, just us time. its our family day. it took a little bit for everyone to get used to that but after a few times of telling them all "no" they all got used to it and now we barely even get a phone call on sundays!! it is sooo nice to know that we have all day sunday together as a family without interuptions or invasions lol.
the point is, you need to do whats best for you, your husband, and child. you are the parent and you get to decide what that is. don't let anyone push you around! life isn't fair, and its not a competition on who sees the child more--and it doesn't mean that child will love anyone more for it either. it honestly just sounds to me like you are being pushed around and bullied into doing things you don'[t want to do. and i think being a grandparent is a priviledge, not a right! so they should all be thankfull for whatever time they might get. hope this helped you, i couldn't help responding to it ( i feel as though we both have the same problem and i wanted to help) good luck

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We see my parents definitely more than a couple times a month we NEVER go to his mom's if he see's her thats on his own. In the end its your family you decide what goes doesnt mean u appreciate one more than the othe other and your lucky u got two sets of families that care!! cuz we dont got that. but i get you that you want family time with the whole family dont feel bad about that but if your comfortable with the idea then maybe also throw in some date nights and let his family feel special that u asked them to babysit. but in the its about makin your own lil family happy first. just block the bickering. but really you are lucky to have people argue about having more time rather than in laws who act non existant.

Tawanda - posted on 12/03/2010

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I would suggest that on occasional Sunday's you spend some time with them and then let them babysit for an hour or so while you and hubby go out for some alone time. That way they get to see all of you, get to babysit and just might stop being jealous, which is childish to begin with.

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Your MIL sounds atrocious Teresa. So sorry. I had to speak frankly about how the grandmother freaked me out about saying they had rights. I've seen firsthand where a woman lied outright to get her daughter's children. As soon as she did, she started demanding child support. Now, if the daughter truly was bad at parenting I would think this was justified. The daughter should help support her children no matter who is raising them, but the reason the grandmother did this was FOR the support, and her love of control. It most assuredly was not because she loved those kids so much because whenever my friend is around she tries to pass them off on her. I'm friends with this girl's sister. My friend's sister doesn't get parent of the year AT ALL but neither does her mother and this game they are playing is making things horrible for those kids and they are showing it by all their bad behavior. I think some grandparents want to control everything because its part of their personality and once son or daughter is out of their household and in their own they cannot control everything anymore.

Mary - posted on 12/03/2010

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I wasn't trying to be negative, just a little humorous. Try a little humor. It's ok.

Teresa - posted on 12/03/2010

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My inlaws lives 40 minutes away and my mom lives 12 hours away and I wish it was the other way around. I think you should do what ever YOU are comfortable with and stop worrying about what they think. Once they see that you are giving no attention to this pettiness they will stop. I agree with the person who said it was a privilege to be a grandparent. Not a right.

Melissa - posted on 12/03/2010

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Sounds like you are seeing both plenty! Both sets of parents live locally for us and we see both very often. When our child was young (1-2), both sides wanted to see her as much as possible and when one saw her more, the other wanted more time then. I made the mistake of trying to accommodate everyone so much that all I really accomplished was to completely stress myself out. It got to the point where I just didn't want to see any of them and pulled away for awhile because I needed time to just get to know my own child. In time, we all learned to appreciate each other and whatever time we have together and we have some healthier boundaries in place. Take care of yourself and do not feel bad about whatever choice you make. Good luck!

Anna - posted on 12/03/2010

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I don't think there is anything tough about this situation. If your family lives close, which it seems to be so by your description, let them take turns babysitting. Now if one of the sets doesn't want to babysit, then you can tell them not complain that they don't get enough time with the baby.
I think people make family situations more complicated than they need to be.
Be honest, open, and go into your conversation with a loving heart and then if the person/people get offended, you know "you" did everything you could to make everyone happy. If they are still offended that is their problem not yours. Your in-laws and your parents need to understand you and your hubby are trying to create your own family and they need to allow the time for that to happen.
In my experience sometimes you have to be blunt with parents and tell them "we need our time" in a cutting of the apron strings type of way in order for certain parents to "get it".
When it comes to alone time between you and your husband, trust me (been married 17 years & I'm 37) make sure your immediate family takes time together and alone. If not it can destroy your family. My husband has been active-duty Navy our entire marriage and several times we have almost separated because we didn't make our marriage a priority. Good luck and God Bless!

Christina - posted on 12/03/2010

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My in laws live 10 mins away and my parents live 4 hrs away so naturally we see the in laws more, but i don't think i have ever had to deal with the whole jealousy thing. But we split holidays we visit one family for thanksgiving and the other family for christmas and then the next yr its opposite families for each holiday it works great for us and plus my in laws watch my 4 yr daughter at least once a week for us.

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