How old is too old to sleep with mommy?

Marianne - posted on 12/21/2011 ( 213 moms have responded )

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My son is 6 and still likes to sleep in my bed (I'm a single mom, so there is no one else in the bed). I don't mind him sleeping with me, but some of the comments and looks I get from others when they hear he still sleeps in bed w/ me make me wonder if I'm making the right choice. He can spend the night w/ Grandma and Grandpa just fine, he has no problems going camping w/ Grandpa and the cub scouts, he can play independently and goes to school just fine, so I don't feel it's giving him any seperation anxiety, or dependency issues. And besides, there will come a time soon enough I'm sure when I will be "Mom" not "Mommy" and I won't be the coolest person ever, so I kind of enjoy the extra snuggly time we get, because I know it won't last forever. Just wondering how other real life moms feel on the topic???

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Yveathus - posted on 12/21/2011

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He is your son not your man. He needs to be in his own bed. My daughter was 4 when she started sleeping in her own bed. Children need a routine and more sleep than adults require. Set a bedtime and put your son in his bed. It was a huge mistake for me and hard getting her out!

Minnie - posted on 12/21/2011

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When no one likes it anymore.

We have a family bed. My husband, me, our 5 1/2 year old and 3 year old. Our room is wall-to-wall bed. We switch around where everyone sleeps because what actually matters is that everyone get the most restful sleep possible.

Elfrieda - posted on 12/21/2011

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I think it's fine. The only thing I'd be careful of is to make sure that you're not "guilting" him into doing it because he thinks it will make you happy. If he's very keen on pleasing you, he might keep sleeping in your bed long after he wishes he could be on his own.

Anne - posted on 12/21/2011

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Different world cultures have different routines and preferences. It's very much a personal decision.

Ashley - posted on 12/21/2011

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I don't think there is anything wrong with it... you are right eventually you will lose all that sweet little boy who loves you like no one else and he will turn into a boy too big for mom. I already see signs of it in my 4 year old. No kiss at school no hugs when he leaves lol.
Just keep the snuggles up till he quits and then spread out in the bed and enjoy :)

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213 Comments

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Soma G - posted on 12/26/2011

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My boy of course is just two years old, regularly sleeping on my bed since his birth, as his dad stays & works in another city altogether. I guess this is just fine, and fair enough as I go to work all day & it is just the after hours that I get to spend with him.
To each family its own, and it is really no issue if you go the natural way of letting him grow out of it & want his own room. Wishes for a great new year!

Karen - posted on 12/26/2011

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My son is 5 yrs old and also sleeps with me. Like you, I am a single parent and for more practical reasons, I did not push him to sleep on his own. We are in a tropical country and that means, the electric bill will go up if we open another room. Also, a friend once told me that one day he will want his own space and till then, I should make the most of it. Don't worry about what ppl say. Every household and child is different.

Tess - posted on 12/26/2011

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Hello, Marianne! I'm also a single mom and my son still sleeps with me and he will turn 8 this coming January! Like you, I'm enjoying this "set-up" because time really flies so fast. For me, there's nothing wrong with what we're doing. :-)

Amy - posted on 12/26/2011

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I think I probably would if I was still a single mum. He'll outgrow it. It's lovely that you are so close. I know a single mum with a 7 year old who does the same. Whatever works for you. My 7 year old goes to sleep in our bed - and we move him before we go to bed. I like the cuddles and figure it's not worth the tantrums trying to get him to go to sleep alone - I used to worry about it but I know he is growing up so fast so probably won't want to snuggle up soon. I'm enjoying the cuddles in the meantime. In fact, his confidence, independence at school and general behaviour has improved since I stopped fighting it 4 months ago. I think he just needs that alone time with me and reassurance in his life right now.

Minnie - posted on 12/26/2011

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Kids need to be in their own beds, sleeping on their own and those who allow otherwise should take a look at WHY their kids are still sleeping in their beds

OK *phew!* Shoulda done that earlier. I just took a look at why my kids are sleeping in my bed. Wanna know why?

Because we're a family and we love each other!

(Waddaya know.)

Gillian - posted on 12/26/2011

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Who cares what anyone else thinks! You do whatever works best for you and your child. I'm responding laying here in my bed with my 4 year old son sleeping soundly and peacefully right next to me. I am a single mom as well and most nights my son sleeps with me. He has his own bed and has been sleeping in his own room since he was 3 months old, but since his father and I seperated and moved out, he prefers to sleep with me most nights. I have absolutely no problems with it and enjoy having my little man here with me. My son is also very independent and does not have any seperation anxiety of dependency issues. If it works for your family, by all means continue. When he is ready to sleep in his own bed, he will. Sometimes my son wants to sleep with me, sometimes he wants to sleep in his bed. I just enjoy our little snuggle time while I still have it...they grow so fast!

Yudhit - posted on 12/26/2011

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Hi Marriane, I have the same experience and I didn't give a damn of what people think. But I planed to enroll my son into a boarding school after he finished elementary, so I decided to train him to sleep alone and we have one day a week where we can sleep together and cuddle. He is very independent and had no problem sleeping alone, no anxiety, no tantrum, and we enjoyed our once a week cuddling moment. :-)

Bic - posted on 12/26/2011

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I so agree with everyone here..i don't think there's anythign wrong with him sleeping in your bed. too soon they grow up and don't want any type of affection...hugs because it's deemend not cool.
It's an interesting topic, because I know in so many cultures..sleeping in teh same bed/same room is not seen as a bad thing. It's a way of keeping the family together. I know I slept in my parents room/extended bed for some time beyond what most people said was normal. However it didn't do me any harm. He'll make the choice when he's ready. My son who is 4 has said he'll sleep in his own bed most of the time when he's 5..he just likes being close to mum.
If he's happy, well adjusted and you're happy..it's noone else's business. Each relationship between a parent and child is unique..there is no hard and fast rule that works for all

Shari - posted on 12/26/2011

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i dont think there is anything wrong with it at all i have a 4 year old and i love her cuddles and i have a 3month old and since my baby was born she had to start sleeping in her own bed but every sat she sleeps in my bed her daddy sleeps on the couch and we have our girls night so dont mind what other ppl think or how they look at you there are so meny of us who just love the snuggles and for the ones who do care probally didnt let there selves enjoy the snuggles but as far as i think keep them cuddles for as long as you can i hope that helps you out and makes you feel better

Christina - posted on 12/26/2011

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Im so glad to have read this... my 4 year old daughter sleeps with me. She slept with both her dad and i in our room and now that he works nights she sleeps with just me. My mom and a few other family members and friends think that its really bad for me to let her. She has slept in her own bed before but i feel like when shes ready then she will let me know. And my husband doesnt care we have a big bed we all fit :)

Carolyn Marie - posted on 12/25/2011

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My son is 5 and still wants to sleep with me (single mama as well). He does fine in his own bed, and at sleepovers w grandparents and all that stuff. Sleeping isn't about sex, and family isn't about creating false separations children aren't ready for. There are tons of cultures in which there is a sleeping room for everyone in the family. If you're worried about potential psychological repercussions, just be sure you wear pajamas ;)

Taylor - posted on 12/25/2011

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Who cares what others think? You are always going to have people criticize your parents style or have people put their two cents in where they don't belong. You need to do what is comfortable for you and your son.
I love sleeping with my 2 year old and so does my husband. They grow up so fast and I love snuggling with him.

Joanna - posted on 12/25/2011

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My son, who is 7, slept with me until this past summer. I had struggled for a long time with him. I share custody and when he was at his dad's he would sleep with him. Since we have moved and he now shares a room with his older brother he sleeps every night in his own bed, and we both sleep a lot better.

Teresa - posted on 12/25/2011

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i never co-slept with my son, i was a bit paranoid about SIDS as an infant, and as he got older (well, he is still only 21 months) i would occasionally bring him into our bed if he woke up at 4am, or something like that, but i hated it! i couldn't fall asleep with him that close to me. (I don't even like it if my husband is touching me to fall asleep- cuddles are great, but when i want to sleep, i need my space). anyway, i think if you are comfortable with it, and your son is, you shouldn't care what anyone else thinks. do what's right for your family. he will eventually want to have his own bed, and he'll let you know

Rita - posted on 12/25/2011

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He's your child & I don't think it's inappropriate.The stage will inevitably approach where he's more interested in other things & peers than he is mommy. :-(

CHRISTINE - posted on 12/25/2011

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My husband sleeps with our 6 year old son and I sleep with our 4 year old son, we recently moved and this still does not feel like home for them yet. When they want their own space they will ask for it, you have a couple more years and he will ask for his own bed, We did it as a matter of survival since they would both get us calling for us at night or crying in the middle of the night, now we just roll over hug them and go back to sleep. Enjoy this special time while you have it and don't let anyone judge you for it.

Kirsten - posted on 12/25/2011

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I was a single mom and my son slept in my bed until he was about 6 or 7. I got comments from others (my dad) but I just loved snuggling him. He soon outgrew it and has no ill effects from it, a very independent young man now. I cherish the snuggly memories.

Kathy - posted on 12/25/2011

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I saw this post and it brought back SO many memories! My husband (firefighter) died almost 4 years ago. When he was alive, he told each of our children (7 of them) when they started climbing in with us after being graduated to their own beds as toddlers, "Make sure you sleep on Mom's pillow. She has the good dream pillow, and unfortunately, I have the bad dream pillow!" That turkey! He also referred to them as "heat seeking missles", but enjoyed having them in there, as I did, most the time. All us moms agree I am sure that some mornings you will wake up sore from extra movement on the youngster's part. Well, after his death my youngest who was 10 at the time, started sleeping in my room. Actually, it helped me, too, with the transition to a big empity bed. At 14 now, she occasionally comes in early in the morning and spend some time when she hears my alarm go off, and I seem to be sleeping through it. Or if she doesn't feel good, or the times when she figures out that her mom may have better advice that her girl friends can give. And at this time of my life, I don't anticipate another guy in my life. I just don't think any guy could replace my one true love.

[deleted account]

I am sorry but I disagree with most moms on this page. I do not think children should sleep with parents. Occasionally, they may crawl into bed after a bad dream or to snuggle while watching a movie, but in general it promotes poor sleep habits, including creating a dependency on others to provide comfort to fall asleep. All children are different, but in general, I give a thumbs down on co-sleeping.

Paige - posted on 12/25/2011

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Enjoy your time together because it won't last forever. My son is almost nine and I'm no longer allowed to kiss him in public. I miss those times when he would climb into bed with me to sleep.

Patricia - posted on 12/25/2011

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I've done that with all my children, as a matter of fact my 6 and 5 year old still sleep with me and my 18 year old likes to lay in bed with me once in awhile and the 2 oldest ones are no clingy at all and they love to be around me. I'm a single mother with 3 boys and the 5 year is a girl.

Robin - posted on 12/25/2011

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I don't see a problem with it. My son is 4 has slept in the bed with me for a whole now. At first it was because his father was deployed and since the divorce he does now as well. He will sleep by himself but prefers to sleep with his mommy.

Geraldine,(Gerry ) - posted on 12/25/2011

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I had 5 children and none of them slept in our bed, it is not the best place for a child to be. I have a friend who has 2 children and one is in the 1st grade the other is in preschool and they ave been in there parents bed sence they were baby's now they can not get them out as well. I don't think people are trying to be mean they are just telling you it is not healthy.

Andreana - posted on 12/25/2011

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My son is 2 1/2 & he still sleeps with me. I think that u r doing just fine. U r right it won't last forever & I think as long as he can stay the night away from u & there r no anxiety issues I wouldn't worry. Screw everyone else. U do what is right for u & your kid. :)

Cathy - posted on 12/25/2011

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My little guy is three, and has slept in my bed with me since he was a baby! I am a single mom too...and work a full time job...snuggling with him at night is the best time of the day! xoxo When he is ready...he will sleep in his own room...but for now, I say enjoy while you can.

Kristen - posted on 12/25/2011

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My son is 6 and starts out in his big boy bed every night. He comes in my bed in the middle of the night always. Like you said, he is only young once, mommy

Jes - posted on 12/25/2011

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dont worry about what others think as its really non of their business. my oldest daughter is 11 and she would come sleep in my room til she was in about 3rd grade. theres nothing wrong with snuggling with your kids. my 1 and 2 yr old have just figured out mommys bed is better than their cribs or pack and plays. they will grow out of it in their own time. since youre a single parent and if theres nobody else in the home it might be a sense of security for your child as well. i just say enjoy your children because at some point they all end up not wanting to be snuggled anymore because theyre big kids.

Phyllis - posted on 12/25/2011

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we had the family bed and in this relationship it works....I found that by 10 years old they want to be in their own beds anyway. I love to cuddle...say prayers....read to them...they are 18 before you know it and those things are over.

Katy - posted on 12/25/2011

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I see nothing wrong with it! Our daughter slept in our room until just over 7 years old. I also agree they are only little for so long so enjoy it while you can. Whenever I got comments about the issue I would simply say I can gauruntee she will not still want to sleep in our room when she graduates high school... And she did not :). Many say it delays them or makes them insecure, but I just don't see it. Our daughter is very outgoing, confident, no security issues (besides sleeping with her thumb and blanket. Lol) and above grade level standards. IMO you are the parent so you make the rules :)

Heather - posted on 12/25/2011

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i personally dont like it. i think its to old. but whatever helps u sleep at night do it. My daughter is 2 and i dont let her sleep with me everynight. if shes sick or sumthing thats one thing.

Kelsey - posted on 12/25/2011

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My daughter is almost 2 and I am also single. She almost always falls asleep in my bed ( I think its a comfort thing..) and then I move her into her own bed when I go to bed, because I always wake up sore and unrested because she tends to take up most of my bed haha. but pretty much every morning she comes in for a cuddle before we get up for the day. I dont really see a problem with it...as they get more independant the cuddles get less and less so its nice to get some quality cuddling in haha. Its no one elses business!

Rachel - posted on 12/25/2011

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He will stop when he is ready. Mine stopped at about the age of 7.5. Drove my Ex husband nuts told him he will stop when he wants to and he did. He said he was just missing me. Now he does not. Now he wakes me up and climbs in and we have conversations in the morning instead.

Kristi - posted on 12/25/2011

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Really it's your business and none of theirs, so do what you like....it isn't causing any harm!! Enjoy your kids while you have them!! :)

Paula - posted on 12/25/2011

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Let the haters go on somewhere. Many people feel forced by society to do things in a certain way or certain time frame. You aren't neglecting abusing or harming your kid in anyway - then its fine! If YOU are wanting him in his own bed then keep the bed in your room and slowly transition hi
, then move him to a different room. Otherwise he will go when he is ready! Don't worry about what others think...who are THEY anyway?!

Adrienne - posted on 12/25/2011

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My 4 year old sleeps with my husband and myself every night. She has her own.room and own bed bit chooses to sleep with us. I enjoy the snuffly time and having her close. I don't see a problem with your son sleeping in your bed. If it works for your family then there is nothing wrong with it!

[deleted account]

My son is 5 years and 4 months. Same situation here. Single mum, just he and I, he'd rather be in with me at night and not in his room. Then also, I'm not getting up in the middle of the night and checking in on him either. He's right there beside me.

Lisa - posted on 12/25/2011

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My son is 5. He sleeps in his own room most nights, but I still let him sleep in my room when he wants. There is nothing wrong with it, I know PLENTY of moms who sleep with their kids! He will start sleeping in his own bed. I think kids need to find their own independence instead of forcing it on them.

Kristin - posted on 12/25/2011

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I am in the same situation, and I don't feel there is anything wrong with it either. I am a single mom and my son is 8. He only sleeps with me on weekends, in the summer, and on holiday breaks, since I am a teacher. My bed is huge and, in my son's opinion, more comfortable than his:)

Karin - posted on 12/25/2011

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My son is 4 and still sleeps in my bed with me. Some nights I don't mind but to be honest, I wish he'd stay in his own bed from now on. I'm also a single mom and want that bed to myself. I love snuggling with him but I would like for him to stay in his own bed for the whole night. If it works for you, by all means let him stay. You're right, it will all change soon enough.

Shawn - posted on 12/25/2011

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If it works for you and your son is well adjusted and feels safe, then so be it.. Noone else can decide for the two of you what is best and those who try aren't privy to your relationship. I am working on my masters in psychology, specifically, child psychology, and if your son can soothe himself, acts appropiately in daily life then you are doing a good job, and all the extra love will help him remain emotionally balanced in the long run. Not so long ago it wouldn't be unusual for my husband to come home and find my thre boys and I lying on our bed talking, it has always been our peaceful place. To this day they still come and lay with me if they need to talk and my oldest is soon to be 21, and still tells me all his problems. Just remember that someday you may start a relationship and your son will have to be comfortable in his own bed, so give him naps there.

Amie - posted on 12/25/2011

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My daughter is 6 and she still sleeps in the bed with me, I am also a single mother so its just she and I. I also know a few other moms that do it. I don't see that its an issue. Snuggle up as much as you can now because soon they won't want to.

Marci - posted on 12/25/2011

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I personally think its fine to have your kids sleep in your bed. I have a 5 1/2 and 2 1/2 yr old and many times they are both in bed with my husband and I by morning. Don't get me wrong, I love having the snuggles too, but don't care for the sweaty sleeps and the sore muscles from an uncomfortable sleep. I would much prefer having then sleep in their own beds, but when it jeopardizing our sleeps, they sleep with us. I would keep in mind about being single. If there is a man that will come into the picture, and your child is all of o sudden expected to sleep in their own bed, their may be some resentment there between the man and child. Keep it in mind.

Pam - posted on 12/25/2011

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Don't worry about what anyone thinks or says. We've slept with all of our kids and I've had four. They all turned out just fine. It's really not a big deal. People love to give advice and criticize but you are old enough to make your own decisions and it's noone else's business. Enjoy it while you can...they grow up fast!!

Danielle - posted on 12/25/2011

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I think it's fine. I was a single mom with my daughter, and she was 7 and still sleeping with me before I got married and she had to start sleeping in her bed. It was no big deal at all, and I'm glad I had that time with her as now she is a pre-teen and I'm no longer the coolest person ever (as I used to be).

Renee - posted on 12/25/2011

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I think you have answered your own question perfectly! I feel the same way. If its not affecting him negatively, or affecting your sleep or his attitude. It will end on its own and he will have a closer bond with you.

Mary Gail - posted on 12/25/2011

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My son and I went through the same thing. He's now almost 21. Don't worry about it, and really, why discuss it with anyone? It's really none of their business. Before his father and I divorced, we had a family bed, so this just seemed natural to him. I think he was 10 before he moved into his bed that was waiting. He used his room before but just did not sleep in the bed I had there for him. He is well adjusted. Don't worry about it.

Barb - posted on 12/25/2011

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Then keep doing what your doing. I believe your child will end up sleeping in his bed when he is ready. Your bed is his security blanket so to speak.

Karen - posted on 12/25/2011

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As long as it works for your family dont listen to anyone's judgement. After my youngest was born, my nine year old decided he wanted to sleep with us again. and I just recently set his bed up to be so comfy that he prefers it.

Eugenie - posted on 12/25/2011

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If either of you find it uncomfortable, then it's time to sleep in own bed. Otherwise, I would not make a huge fuss about the age or whose bed. Sooner than later, your child will be grown and you will wonder, "what just happened?"

My son is eight, and I tell him if you kick me when you sleep, I will take you to your bed so I can have a good night sleep. So, at times he goes to his bed and other times he comes to my bed and wake up in his.

I do not make a fuss, I just want to make sure he is fine.

Vanessa - posted on 12/25/2011

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My children are 8&9 and have their own beds but prefer being in ours. I don't see a problem with it. My kids are well adjusted, we are just a very close family. If you are fine with it-don't worry about what others think.

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