How old should she be for her first weekend visit without mommy.

Sheena - posted on 03/21/2012

Our marriage is most definitely legal. The surprising thing is she got sick before that weekend irony right lol. All your advice is really helpful ladies. Miss or Mrs Barker your comments helped me the most thank you.

Teresa - posted on 03/12/2012

A baby doesn't learn how to be independent by being left for a week at 8 weeks old.....



Now, I certainly don't agree w/ Laura that leaving a baby for any other reason than work is selfish. My girls were 2 months old the first time we left them... for 2 hours... to go out to dinner for Valentine's Day. Mom and dad bonding time is certainly NOT selfish, but actually good for the kids. Maybe if we had kept doing things like that on a regular basis he wouldn't be my EX now....



I do totally disagree w/ Francine implying that not leaving an infant is going to make them dependent for life though. If you have a kid that's almost 20 then I'm sure you realize there is a LOT of parenting time involved between infancy and adulthood and refusing to leave a newborn or even a 1-2 year old is in no way an indication of how they will turn out when they are adults.



The longest I ever left any of my kids (and it was rare) under a year and a half was 5 hours. Granted, the older two are still only 10, but they are growing up quite independent so far. :)

Francine - posted on 03/12/2012

Laura, I don't think it's selfish to leave your baby at that young of age, I had to leave my first born with my mother for a week when he was 8 weeks old because of a funural out of town on my husband's side of the family and yes I was still nursing but you know what, I bottled of lot of my milk and my mom even gave him formula a few times and let me tell you today he's a grown man who's about to turn 20, he's very reliable, dependable and independent, goes to university and has a plan in place for the next 5 years. So for you to say it's selfish, I'd rather be selfish and have my kids independent and knowing what life is like out of school and standing on your their own two feet than having a child that's too dependent on their parents to not be able to make a decision by themselves because a lot of parents today tend to make their kids' lives as easy as possible and when time comes for them to be independent they can't do it and unless you've stood in someone else's shoes, please don't post that it's just plain selfish to leave a baby for any other reason than going to work.

Laura Zoey - posted on 03/12/2012

Jessica deforest that's the most absurd and sickening thought.

What the hell is a 3 month old baby supposed to learn from her mom abandoning her for a weekend?

Seriously you all are making me so mad and sad for your poor children being up and left as infants.

Babies belong with their mother plain and simple.

Until very very recently babies were never ever left alone. Why? Because without their mom babies die.

That's how nature designed it.

Babies are supposed to nurse frequently and be in skin to skin contact to their mom regularly.

Yes they can survive without it but good god people don't fool yourself into thinking its good for them.

It's selfish plain and simple.

Leaving a baby for any reason other then work is selfish.

Every time.

Francine - posted on 03/12/2012

Girl, you need to do what your instincts tell you to do and stop over analysing every little thing or you will make yourself crazy, right now you need to concentrate on your studies and the baby, losing the weight will come in time, don't pressure yourself on it. As for you going out to enjoy a few hours of adult time go for it your baby won't be scarred for life because you decided you needed so time away, it will actually boost your moral and your baby will see that he or she is taken care of.

Jessica - posted on 03/07/2012

Go! Especially if a baby is going to be with her father, she is NEVER too young to be away from mom. She needs to learn separation sooner or later and she is so young that it isn't a big deal. Granted, you will have to pump while gone if you are nursing, and if drinking, pumping and dumping, but it is a good experience for both of you!



More than likely, it will be harder on you than on her. I was the same way with my oldest but his first time away was at 3 months. My youngest I separated with at less than 2 months. Bottom line, you are not hurting your child, especially being that she will be with daddy.

Angela - posted on 03/07/2012

OK - I know the weekend in question has been and gone now so any comments directly relating to that are pretty pointless. But I'll just make a few general comments .....



Jobhunting is important but I don't know of any employers who interview on weekends!



The baby being there is not going to stop him writing letters and e-mails enquiring about jobs or making phone calls. Nor is it going to stop him putting his CV online for prospective employers to look at, is it?



It's a terrible shame that man & wife have to live in separate homes but from what you say I get the impression your mother might like it to stay this way?



You are an adult as is your husband, you have the right to make a decision for yourselves. Unfortunately, whilst you're both dependent on family members for the roofs over your heads, you may not be in a position to freely express yourselves as adults in this manner.



It''s interesting that family members on both sides are willing to accommodate you (separately) but aren't willing to lend the money that would pay off his speeding tickets in order to enlist! Let's face it, a regular salary from the Air Force would soon pay off the money that was lent to cover the fines owing! Seems strange!



Keep working hard on your college degree - the sooner BOTH you and your husband are qualified and earning your own money, the sooner you can quit being dependent on family. When you quit being dependent on family, they're less likely to orchestrate your life for you. You need some adult assertiveness as soon as possible.



Also - please don't be offended at this - you refer to your partner as your "husband". Are you actually legally married to him? The reason I ask is because I'm so shocked that you don't live together and I wonder why you married if you couldn't share a home?



Also wanted to add that even though the birthday weekend has been and gone, why did your mother object so much to the idea of the child's own father minding her - yet at the same time didn't offer to have the baby herself whilst you went to this weekend? Strange!!



Good luck for the future, anyway.

Chris - posted on 03/07/2012

DADS ARE IMPORTANT!! I wish there was a way that you and your husband could live together. But in lieu of that, leave your little girl with her daddy. Society downplays the importance of fathers all the time but they are an integral part of a child's life. There are circumstances that won't allow a father to be part of the child's life such as abuse, neglect or they just chose not to be around. But otherwise, they should be part of the circle.



As to your mother's advice, it's great to get opinions from important people in your life but you and your husband are the parent of this child. You need to work together. And if you let your mother come get in the middle of it, it will definitely cause problems.

Kristy - posted on 03/07/2012

My first son was only 4 weeks old the first time he had a sleep over with his grandparents. It was hard but it was great. I got a little extra sleep and he was waited on hand and foot. Personally I do not think having a weekend with the father and 6 cousins is a bad thing. Kids learn from exposure. Your baby will learn a lot in one weekend of watching and interacting with other kids as well as the adults. The way your story is written it sounds to me like you too might think your mom isn't right in this situation.

Chloe - posted on 03/07/2012

You should deff go and have a break for yourself you deserve it!! she'll be with her daddy!! dad has as much right to spend time with herand it be good for both of them especially if they dont get see eachother very much. Myself and my boyfriend go out for a night or mabye go away for a weekend and his parents mind our little girl and she is perfectly fine because she is with people we trust and who love her. having the 6 children around her will do her no harm most babies love having other children around. My little girl loves going to my mums house because my mum has 3 small children herself.

Kathy - posted on 03/06/2012

Take her to daddys to play and enjoy him while you get a much needed break it will be just fine He might even go back to speak to the judge and see if they will allow him to do community service in lieu of his fines some or all. It wont hurt to ask...all they can do is say no so nothing ventured nothing gained. If he explains he is trying to go into the military the judge might have a heart for military lifestyle to help him provide for his wife and baby. If your mom isnt comfy w/daddy having her thats her problem to deal with but she NEEDS to be w/her dad just as much as she needs to be with you. As a grandparent I dont always agree with what they do w/the grandkids but I am NOT the parent so unless I see harm with it I just stay quiet and allow them to raise their children themselves

Heather - posted on 03/06/2012

I found out i was pregnant 2 wks after i ended a marriage of 7 years my daughter has never known anything differant then her father and i living in separete households she has been spending nights with him since she was about a week old we also have a older child together and where bubba goes she goes i think it makes you a better parent when you can take a break step back and breath

Julie - posted on 03/06/2012

Your child needs YOU!



Your husband needs to grow up ... let him go to the Service - he will...



We only get one chance to do it right... ♥

Sakinah - posted on 03/06/2012

I had my daughter when I was 21 and living on my own. I too was in college but in my final semester. My daughter's father moved 6 hours away and was not an active part of her life and still isn't. The advantage that you have is that you are married. Even though you don't live in the same house..which is probably difficult in its own ways, he is still your husband and your daughter's father and you don't need anyone's permission for your daughter to spend time with her father. From one mother to another, don't let anyone tell you how to parent your child, it could be detrimental to your marriage and your self esteem as a parent. You have to look to you and talk to your husband about what is best for you guys as a family. I hope that helps.

Laura Zoey - posted on 03/06/2012

Ok, fine, leave your babies as newborns, whatever.

Honestly I can't comprehend HOW someone needs alone time after just 6 weeks of parenthood but it's not my life so I shouldnt judge.

I don't believe it's healthy for a baby to be left before they're around a year. Do what you want, it takes all types to fill the world but no way in Hell would you catch me leaving my newborns unless I was on the operating table.

I'm sure you're kids are all just fine and dandy but I'm shooting for perfection. And I firmly believe babies belong with their mother as much as humanly possible.



I'm unsubscribing to this thread. Sheena I hope you find the answer you're looking for deep inside you're self.

Faye - posted on 03/06/2012

Well I guess according to most of these posts, I was a HORRIBLE mother, as the hubby and I went out of town, leaving our 6 week old with grandparents for the weekend! Hubby and I needed to get away!



She was both breastfed and bottle fed. My in-laws only asked that we supply plenty to formula and disposable diapers. Grandpa only has one arm so disposables worked best for him. Until then she had been in cloth minus the hospital stay. That child is now 20 and shows no ill effects of being left alone at that age. IMO, as long as their needs are met, they do not care who is feeding them.



Our next time alone, would have been our anniversary the next month. Beyond that it was work Christmas parties. In fact when she was 18 months old we went to the work party, (left her with a neighbor), left that party, returned home, picked her up and went to another.



In other words, moms and dads need "me time" and "us time"! Some sooner than others as most have posted.



Yes the smoking would be the decison point for me. could hubby stay at your mom's house for the weekend? Would you rmom allow him to stay the weekend may be a bigger question.

Erin - posted on 03/06/2012

If you trust the person you want to leave your baby with, then go for it. You need a break too. It is perfectly okay for you to take some time away from the baby to enjoy yourself too. Ultimately you will get to unwind for a weekend and come back to your baby refreshed. Go and have a great time!

Susie - posted on 03/06/2012

You should be focusing on your relationship to make it better for your baby girl instead of worrying about your weekend getaway, way too young for you to have a baby!! When you bring a life into this world, that's your priority from that point on!!! Since you have moms help, go get a job so you can have your own place for your daughters sake....

Heather - posted on 03/05/2012

Your daughter is 3months and 1week old I do not see a problem with her spending the night at her father's house, I would just remember to bring your pump (since she is used to bottles anyways) and make sure that your husband has any "emergency" numbers he may need... ie your cell number, your mother's number, your daughter's pediatrician's number and any other numbers he may need.



I am a 22yr old mother myself and my son is now 2yrs old. I have been taking time for myself as much as i can since he was born, I would leave him with my brother, my son's bio dad, my parents, my grandmother, and even a babysitter every now and then. My son's bio dad was never very good with my son even with me around, so was not capable of taking my son for over 5hours by himself, but my son has been left with my parents for 3days while I go out and have some "me time". I am a stay at home mom and am now going to school for my CNA so I need to get away every once in a while or I would go crazy!



My parents have always told me NEVER second guess yourself! If your first instinct tells you that your daughter is SAFE with your husband then she is! As for the 6 other kids they have a mother and its her responsibility to keep her kids under control and your husbands responsibility to keep an eye on them around your daughter, Most kids understand that they need to be careful with babies. So I would not worry. Even my 2yr old understands that he needs to be careful around babies. Were is everyone getting something about smoking from? I don't seen anything in the post about smoking.



Bottom line is this..... your daughter is just that YOUR daughter not your mother's. The ONLY other person who should have a say in her life is your husband, he IS HER FATHER. If you and your husband think it's a good idea for your daughter to stay with your husband for 2 days then that is your choice. Good luck.

Laura Zoey - posted on 03/05/2012

Babies DO know the difference if mom is gone. They aren't ment to be passed around and even dad isn't supposed to be able to care for baby 100% before botles and formula and pumps babies were with mom all the time. It's just how our species is!

Sure babies can survive away from moms but they do 'know' when mom is gone. And I'm sure they miss her. Babies don't even comprehend that they are an individual apart from mom until 9 months.

Irma - posted on 03/05/2012

It is wise to ask your elders opinion, but the last word should be from you. I feel that it would do the father some good to share in the responsiblity of taking care of the baby. The baby will not know any difference as long as she is feed, changed and loved. I always tell my daughters to listen to their enter voice, because you are the mother and you know your child better then anyone. You are an adult now and a educated one. Don't be afraid to make decisions for yourself. If you trust the father, then let him help you. Just come to an understanding with the father who is the one responsible for the baby and the do and don'ts of taking care of the baby. Good luck I hope this helps



Grandma Gonzales

Kim - posted on 03/05/2012

It would be good bonding for your daughter and her dad. Also, you do need a break once in a while.

Toni - posted on 03/05/2012

You need to grow up and stop letting your controlling Mom dictate what you do.Your husband is right you listen to her too much.



You need to listen to your husband and make these decisions on your decisions as a couple. And what is this living in separate homes? Find a way to get together. Check into housing help.

Michelle - posted on 03/05/2012

I was thinking there is nothing wrong with wanting a night or 2 out until I read that they smoke in the house.....For that reason I would not leave your baby in that home. Smoking is the biggest cause of SIDS and your baby is still small enough for that to happen. Is there somewhere else that your husband can watch the baby at? It sounds like you deserve a break, I am a true believer of time away, it reminds us mom's of who we are and there is no better way to do that than surround yourself with good friends but you need to find a safe environment for your baby in order to be able to have a good time with friends.

Suzanne Acevedo - posted on 03/05/2012

A weekend break should be fine as long as the father knows how to feed.diaper And bathe his daughter.Many young people today share custody and care of their infants.Mom sounds old fashioned or maybe doesn't see males as having the knowledge how to take care of children.I know first hand my 17 and 18 year old grandsons would know how to take care of an infant in their care as they were on demand caretakers for their siblings who range in ages 11 though 5.

Carole - posted on 03/05/2012

Hi, first of all, why does everyone have such a problem with you and your husband living apart? It's very hard to get on the property ladder or even on the council list at the moment. Secondly, why not send your child to the home where your husband lives? He is her dad after all and if your child is anything like any other child i've ever met, she'll love spending time withother children. You need time for yourself too otherwise you'll go mad.

SHAMEQUA - posted on 03/04/2012

you are sending your baby with her father your husband you have that right. For the night I don't see it being a big deal he has people around to help just keep her away from the kids because she is small but other then that she is fine to be with him. Take your breaks when you can because you won't get many, I see your moms point but it's her dad he will be okay

Stacey - posted on 03/04/2012

Your husband has a right to be upset as a parent you want to be apart of your child under the circumstances your husband cannot due to your living arrangement.. Everyone has opinions especially mothers!!!! Don't let your mother ruin your marriage get that well needed break that we all need as mothers ask yourself this would you leave the baby for a weekend of fun with your mother I'm sure you would go with ur gut send her like you planned on doing b4 moms input!!!!

Christine - posted on 03/04/2012

I am a single mother of 2 with different fathers. The 7 year old never goes with herse because he has chosen to be inconsistent and selfish. The 2 year old spends every weekend with her father and started before I went back to work after my 8 week maternity leave! This is because he is an amazing father, things just didn't work out in our relationship. He was in the delivery room, came over EVERY day during my leave to get to know his daughter and learn how to take care of a baby. He asked when he could take her overnight, of course I was scared to let my baby go, the older one only ever went with MY parents. I don't remember exactly when I let him take her, but I knew it was the right choice, even though I was nervous. I packed her a huge bag the first couple times. Now she has her own room full of everything and more. So you need to trust yourself. Is he a good father, can he take care of her himself (not depending on who MIGHT be there to help), is it a clean/healthy/safe environment? You're a 21 year old mother and wife, do not let your mother make your like decisions for you, but if she brings up valid concerns consider them.

Jodie - posted on 03/04/2012

I can understand you not living with him at his grandma's but why doesn't he live with you at your mother's, at least until you find your own place? That way you can keep his motivation up in looking for work. And you wouldnt have a dilemma about going away for a couple of days. Although, if you did you'd have to take a breast pump with you.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/04/2012

I wouldn't leave her anywhere, but that is just my opinion. I had my daughter young too, but realized there is nothing more important than her. I would have rather missed every possible fun adult event than leave her for a night when she was under 3.

Melissa - posted on 03/04/2012

How about instead of spending a weekend with your girlfriend, you find a way to spend a weekend with your husband! Yes, and do let your husband help watch your daughter at times as well. Whether you both have work or not, you are a family.



Why doesn't your husband live with you? I'm sure there's room, or a way, you just need to make it a priority, you need to make your own family a priority. = If you married him then you must want to be with him and you must trust him. If that is true, then get your family together, for richer or poorer. Many people marry young and struggle financially, you can do it. Student loans, financial aid, whatever it takes.



Whatever your situation is, I deeply respect that you have given life to a beautiful little girl, even though it wasn't convenient, and I can tell you love her greatly. That is very courageous, so keep up the courage and make her life as great as you and your husband can.

Laura Zoey - posted on 03/04/2012

I'm usually n the minority but my daughter is 9 months and I can not fathom leaving her with anyone for an hour!

Though I do leave her with my husband but we lve together and don't smoke.

I just can't imagine leaving my 3yr old overnight for ONE night.

So that's why I'm unable to be fine with a 2mnth old being left for two nights.

Joan - posted on 03/04/2012

I think being that young of an age, it is how capable you feel the daddy is of caring for her, although you said his aunt will be there. It will require someone to do night feedings and so on.

Laura Zoey - posted on 03/04/2012

-----the baby is 2 months old------

Joan - posted on 03/04/2012

You don't say how old your baby is. My daughter left her first baby with my husband and I for overnight at a fairly young age--a few months old- and she breast feed--she uses a pump. The baby will be with her daddy and she needs him in her life too. If you know they will take good care of her and you trust them, I see no reason why Daddy shouldn't be helping! You do need a break now and then.

Sherri - posted on 03/04/2012

good for you that's how I am to paranoid

Laura Zoey - posted on 03/04/2012

Leaving a two month old infant for two nights at a home where there's smoke and when the baby is breastfed to go to a party out of town I'm sorry, that's just not what I'd call a good mom choice.

Doesn't mean she's a bad mom, just that this choice isn't being made in the best interest of her infant.

It's a selfish choice and that's not right for the baby.

As moms we don't NEED time away from our kids. We enjoy it and benefit from it depending on the circumstances but in all honesty I think most moms are away from their kids FAR too much.

If you're at work, or hospitalized, etc fine, do what needs to be done. But partying is forgoed when you choose to have a baby especially when it's two months old.

Sherri - posted on 03/04/2012

all this being said about the smoking and roaches I can understand why your mom would think it not suitable as for the kids playing with her like a doll that's your husband responsiblity to not let them hold her

Sherri - posted on 03/04/2012

i don't know why it was posted as marked funny. I don't think it is funny but I can understand how someone else might think it strange when your married living separately and only changing your mind because your mother said so. No judgement its your call and I support you a 100percent in whatever your decision its wherever your comfort level is at!

Sherri - posted on 03/04/2012

I don't think you should say she's a bad mom for being away for 2days(by saying to be a good mom and stay home). as long as its not an often occurrence it's not a big deal if the babies with her father. She needs to be able to have a break I couldn't be away more then a night but if she's going out of town its a reasonable request. I know mothers that didn't get these breaks some need more then others as they can't help who they are and they gave up on being a mother and regretted it later. The more support the better for all! To each there own. My kids being 9,5,and 3 its hard to be away from them after a work day or an evening out. I've been working full time and feel I missed so much but we have good quality time and they all have something of their own thing going on already. It just works out for all of us!

Sherri - posted on 03/04/2012

I don't see how 2 days would ruin her milk supply if its good. If drinking you just need to make sure the alchol is out of your system. I'm guessing your going out of town to be away for 2 whole days but don't see it as a big deal! I've only been away an evening and then maybe slept late in the morning to back to full mommy duties by afternoon. I hardly ever get out and my youngest is now 3. My older sister and I are planning on going to see her oldest son in North Carolina he's in the military and lives off base with his wife 2 step children and his son born just this wk. I've decided to take my 3 yr old with us for the road trip and live her 5yr old brother with dad who is also on vacation that wk and the kids are off school for spring break! The yr old is going to miss her dad but I know she can't be away from me for that 5or 6day period. We are limited to space and my son is very active and won't handle that long of a car ride well or being away from home and his dad! It will be some good father son bonding and mommy daughter time too!

Janessa - posted on 03/03/2012

I don't know all the details, so I don't know if this will help, but somehow I think you should find a way to live with your husband, you shouldn't have to live apart, and unless your husband is abusive or anything like that you should stand by him and not your mother if you want your relationship to last. Mothers will always be protective of their children and probably no guy will ever be good enough. But again, maybe there is something I don't know. Really it wouldn't matter if he didn't look for a job for 2 days while he got to be with his little girl. Do you trust him with her? Will he care for her? Then nothing else matters.

Lisa - posted on 02/27/2012

I agree that the smoke is a problem and would not leave my baby in a home where people smoke inside. Maybe, as someone else suggested, your husband could come stay at your mom's for the night, or the day (which ever time you'll be gone for), if he doesn't smoke inside. Maybe it could be a trial run to see if he could come to stay there until you two can get your own place??? The other details will have to be worked on over much longer periods of time, and will require patience & love to get through. Honestly, the absolute best advice I could give is this: when you want to do what is best for you and your family, pray about what you want to do. Ask God to help you make a decision that will honor Him, and to give you peace about it. If you are nervous, uneasy, upset, or worried about your decision later, then you may have to change your plans -- or your relationship with God may need some work. Good luck! And may God bless you and your family!

Angela - posted on 02/27/2012

It is up to the parents.I understand not wanting to leave your baby with anyone including father. You have them inside you for so long and then letting go is hard at any age. So to your ?, You are NOT selfish to want two days to be a woman and get away. It is a need also not a want. You will notice getting away helps relieve stress and so on.

Laura Zoey - posted on 02/26/2012

I'm sorry medic, I'm sure your kids will be reasonably fine :)

No I don't need 'me time' I enjoy being home with my kids and have no desire to leave them.

I wouldn't have fun away from them anyways, I like being together as a family and only leave my older son when my husband asks for a date night and then it's 3-4 hours and we are both ready to have him back.

I don't 'get' the deal with needing time away from your kids. I simply don't feel the need.

So I could be the odd one out but I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Medic - posted on 02/26/2012

The other kids is a silly concern, the smoke however is not. My kids would not go anywhere that smelt like smoke because of the health risks. My kids have been spending the night with grandparents since they were 2 months old. They have also stayed with close family friends. Just because you are a mom does not mean that you can't get some time to yourself. According to some of these posts I would be a horrible mom because once a month me and the girls go out WITHOUT the kids and spend the night at one of our houses WITHOUT the kids. It is what we do to stay sain. The kids usually spend the night with one of the dads and the dads get together and do the same on a different night of the month. Oh well the kids will survive I am sure with minimal therapy needed.

Laura Zoey - posted on 02/26/2012

Sheena if they smoke in that house you shouldn't even let your baby inside for a minute.

No way! Secondhand smoke on a tiny infant is a huge concern and there's no way it's safe for your baby to be inside a house where people smoke.



Don't leave her there. Keep her with you do you know she's safe.



You are not paranoid.

My kids never stayed away from me until they were a year and we will never bring our kids into a home if it smells like smoke at all.



BE protective. BE cautious. A house with a bunch of kids and a smoker is NOT a place to leave her for even a day. What if the kids hurt her? What if she gets asthma as a small baby from the smoke? She could be perminently damaged in her lungs from inhaling smoke.



You're a good mom for doubting this. Stand firm. This is no place to be leaving her. And if her fad wants to keep her he needs to be a safe place for her. No smoke, no other rowdy kids.

Sheena - posted on 02/26/2012

i will just go for a day. i honestly wouldnt last 2 days without her anyway. im overprotective and a bit paranoid

Sheena - posted on 02/26/2012

Im honestly not worried about partys i know my responsibilites and i love my daughter and want the best for her i wasnt ever a party person anyway. i like hang with my baby and schooling at home the adjustment i have to make are a challenge but i can do it thanks for the advice.