How old was your baby when you first left them overnight?

Erin - posted on 05/04/2009 ( 75 moms have responded )

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I'm a single mum with a 3 month old daughter and have not been apart from her for more than a few hours (and that was only once to shop for some post-baby clothes!) My Mum is very involved in my daughter's life and would love to look after her, but even though I'd LOVE a sleep in, I'm just not ready. Am I alone in feeling this way? I've already turned down an invite to a close friend's engagement party because of my reluctance to leave her...

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I am going to be completely honest! (Blushing) I left my first born for the first time at 12 months and 19 days! I was in the hospital delivering her brother!

Trish - posted on 05/10/2009

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All different times with kids but this last baby was just 3 month, 1 night was enough though, you miss them too much.



T xx

Ashley - posted on 05/10/2009

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My mom is attatched to my daughter. She had her over night at about 2-3 months. It's hard the first time but you gradually get used to it. Sometimes a night out is great to have.

Kaimi - posted on 05/10/2009

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Ryder was 2months old when i first went to a friends house warming party. I had doubts but once i was out i knew things would be fine....He seemed to settle better without me their around him smelling like milk

[deleted account]

Do it whenever you feel ready. For me, it was when my son was about 7 or 8 months old. From the replies to this post, you see that some waited until much older. It just all depends on you and when you are ready. It won't do you any good to not want to, but to do it anyway, then be up all night or calling every 10 minutes worried.

Laura - posted on 05/09/2009

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you will know when you are ready. my kids were six weeks only because that is all the time i could get off work, i work 24 hour shifts, but i always call and tell them good night and am usually home as they get up or just before. i think letting her stay at a younger age builds a closer bond with the grandparent and gives you the much needed break i think we all every once in a while.

Jennifer - posted on 05/09/2009

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Our daughter, our 1st born, had her first overnight at my parents at exactly 3 months.... only b/c a dear friend of ours was KIA. The forecast for the next day was cool & rainy... I didn't want to have her out at a funeral in that weather. It was extremely hard for me to leave her. I probably called my mom & dad a hundred times throughtout the day to check on her. They laughed, but understood. Our son on the other hand was 8 months... after he was sleeping through the night. Partially b/c I felt guilty having my parents deal w/ the night waking. Its nice to have a night to do adult things every once in a while.... but if your not ready all your going to do is think about your baby and not truly enjoy yourself.

Dianne - posted on 05/08/2009

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My daughter was 2 yr and 5 mths before she started sleeping at her grandparents house and this was very difficult. My son started at about 19 mths only because it was easier because his sister goes and I have alot of trust with their Gromma and Pompa! One Saturday night when my daughter was sleeping over I was due to go to my sisters which is about an hour and a half away from mine. The night before leaving I couldn't sleep and the next day I rang my friend very upset saying that I couldn't go and was so worried. It all got sorted in the end and my sister came to me the next day she was very understanding. Your kids are the most important people in the world to you and if it takes you years to become used to the fact that you cannot leave your child then that is the way it is! If you are not ready then it is your choice, do it when you feel comfortable and happy, it will be difficult the first time but it does get easier. My daughter is now coming up to 4 yrs in June and my son is 21 mths. They love going to their grandparents and get so much joy and pleasure from it and so do their grandparents (although very tired after they have been) I still worry every time my children are away from me and miss them dearly! You do whatever makes you happy and if you are not ready you are not ready!! My daughter started nursery with no problems went in without a backwards glance and has no separation issues and I feel my son will follow suit! You are not alone!

Dreeka - posted on 05/08/2009

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I didn't leave my daughter overnight with anyone...even my mom until she was almost 2years old. That was only b/c hubby said we couldn't take her to Cabo with us :-) She is 4 now and her stays away from me are minimal.

Amanda - posted on 05/08/2009

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my daughter was 15mths old im a single mum with 2 kids rhianna now 4 and tydan 2 rhianna has been away from me over night 5 times and tydan only once hate being away from my babies

Vanessa - posted on 05/08/2009

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I am the same way. My son is 3 and a half months old and I don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone yet! He is exclusively breastfed and has never had a bottle before so that may be part of the reason

Shelley - posted on 05/08/2009

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You are not wrong. The first time I was away from my child for the night was when she was 5 1/2 yrs old and I called the friends about 2 times that night before it got to late and then first thing in the morning. It's totally normal to feel that way.

[deleted account]

Hmm, my oldest was 18mths, My hubby got back from a deployment and we stayed in a hotel. My #2 was 3yo, I was in the hospital having #3. My daughter was 2yo, I was in the hospital having #4. I haven't left #4 yet and I don't have plans to. There's just no reason to and we don't live by family or anything like that. I am not opposed to it, just hasn't been something we've needed to think about.



Not letting your 3mth old spend the night somewhere is not going to affect her social development. Letting her spend small amounts of time with her grandma now, is not neccessarily going to get you from having to experience "stranger" anxiety towards that same grandma in a few months.

Keisha - posted on 05/08/2009

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Wow...well hmmmm..... for my first he was probably about 1 1/2 our second was around 1 year old.

Kim - posted on 05/08/2009

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i let my little boy stay at my mums wen he was 8 days old, as my partner took me out 4 valentines day!! i cried when he left, and rang lots during the evening!! looking back im glad i did it as he stays at my mums on a regular basis and now im a single mum and my little boy is 4 and his sister is 2, it gives me time to myself which i love now!!

Emma - posted on 05/08/2009

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my eldest son is nearlly two and still hasnt stayed overnite at anyones house dont rush yourself into it jst wait till your ready

Alicia - posted on 05/08/2009

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My oldest was 2 months old and stayed the night with my in-laws. My youngest was also around 2 months and she stayed a weekend. I missed them like crazy, but I knew they were in the best of care.

Lori - posted on 05/08/2009

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She was 11 months old, and I left her with my sister in law to give birth to my son--It was easier to leave them both with my sister in law for a night of sleep when he was 3 months old--colic had set in and I needed sleep!! I had to take care of myself to be able to care for them.

Tania - posted on 05/07/2009

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I completely understand. I couldn't leave my little boy side. I felt like a bad mom if I was away from him for more than three hours! But then I went back to work, and realized how important it was to have some me time. The first time I left my son overnight was when he was 9 months old. It was hard, but I slept 7 hours straight for the first time since before he was born! It was glorious!!!

Adrienne - posted on 05/07/2009

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My son was a 1 year old to the day. The only reason why we did would be because I was giving birth to his baby brother on his birthday. Before that we talked about it and thought we would feel comfortable when he was walking and off bottles. But my boys are going to be 2 and 1 this year. My oldest has been out for sleepovers with grandma & grandpa but we haven't let our youngest yet. I'm just not comfortable in leaving him over night yet. I would say it depends on you. IF you feel like your not ready and would lose a lot more sleep with your daughter gone wait until you feel comfortable.

Rayna - posted on 05/07/2009

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My daughter was about 3 weeks old. My husband and I needed a night out and a good night's sleep. My mother-in-law took her and all went perfectly! Plus, I needed to separate myself from her to make sure I could do it if I had to. I cried when I called but was better once I knew she was asleep. Now I have no qualms about leaving her overnight at my in-laws' place. They love her and treat her just as I would.

Erin - posted on 05/07/2009

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Quoting Emily:



Quoting Erin:




Quoting Emily:





Quoting Erin:






Quoting Kristin:

It will be better for both you and baby to have time apart... otherwise when she is a little older, you won't be able to do ANYTHING without her. And you may have problems with her freaking out if you leave her with a sitter. My daughter was about a month and a half old when she had her first overnight without me. She stayed with her aunt and cousin for 3 nights, and she did just fine... and so did I. I worried a bit, but everything was ok. It is hard to leave your child withsomeone else... especially when they are so young. But you need to remember... even though you are a mom first, you are still a woman, and will need time away from your child... and they need time away too! Don't lose who you are by being mommy 24/7. Take a few hours for yourself sometimes. Maybe once a week. It will get easier to be away from your little angel... and you'll be so happy to see her when you get back to her.












Thanks... I think you're right















Do you really? Despite everything you wrote in your other post about feeling a physical attatchment to your baby. I have stated that in do way do I feel that a mother who leaves her child for an amout of time is a bad mother but i do question whether it is considered developmentally appropriate for either party, There is a reason you feel a physical attatchment and it is normal. Biologically babies are helpless and mothers do not want to leave them- it's supposed to be that way. As she ages both of you will feel more comfortable being apart from each other it is part of healthy development. It seems difficult to beleive that just because one decides not to spend large amounts of time away from her child as a baby she won't be able to do so as the child ages. She will. It's part of life.













The physical bond I feel with my daughter is not in question. I'm simply concerned as to whether I'm impeding her social development by not letting anyone else take a role in caring for her, especially since I'm a single mum. I will have to go back to work in a few months and my Mum will be looking after her. I'm worried that unless I begin the process gradually now - and not necessarily overnight stays - that it will be a huge shock to her then.









Okay. the only reason I even mentioned it is because your words led me to beleive that you felt almost physically attatched and couldn't imagine separating from her which is normal and healthy. I don't think you are in any way impeding her social development but there is nothing wrong with allowing her to be away from you for a while. I think it will be great and important to have your mother bond with her I just questioned whether going from nothing to an overnight visit at such a young age would be good for either of you.





Yeah I agree we need to start small - maybe a morning or afternoon or something. This is just really on my mind at the moment because I have two functions on the same weekend in July and my daughter will be with my Mum two nights in a row (which is a huge deal, I know). I was just looking for input as to when other mums were comfortable leaving their babies overnight, and suggestions as to how to make the process easier. All greatly appreciated :)

Natasha - posted on 05/07/2009

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I think my daughter was 2mo old. And my aunt took her for almost a week. It was a nice relaxing time for me and hubby to reconnect.

Lindsey - posted on 05/07/2009

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My husband and lef left our son overnight for the first time when he was 8 months. We went to a leadership retreat for our church. we were only like 20 minutes aay so that put my mind at ease. i did call the next morning to make sure he was doing ok. i really enjoyed having a weekend with my husband. we have left have only left hime with my parents or my husbands parents over night. we have left him a couple more times for things like our anniversary and when i was the matron of hornor in my best friends wedding. it did feel good to sleep tho!

Emily - posted on 05/07/2009

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Quoting Erin:



Quoting Emily:




Quoting Erin:





Quoting Kristin:

It will be better for both you and baby to have time apart... otherwise when she is a little older, you won't be able to do ANYTHING without her. And you may have problems with her freaking out if you leave her with a sitter. My daughter was about a month and a half old when she had her first overnight without me. She stayed with her aunt and cousin for 3 nights, and she did just fine... and so did I. I worried a bit, but everything was ok. It is hard to leave your child withsomeone else... especially when they are so young. But you need to remember... even though you are a mom first, you are still a woman, and will need time away from your child... and they need time away too! Don't lose who you are by being mommy 24/7. Take a few hours for yourself sometimes. Maybe once a week. It will get easier to be away from your little angel... and you'll be so happy to see her when you get back to her.










Thanks... I think you're right












Do you really? Despite everything you wrote in your other post about feeling a physical attatchment to your baby. I have stated that in do way do I feel that a mother who leaves her child for an amout of time is a bad mother but i do question whether it is considered developmentally appropriate for either party, There is a reason you feel a physical attatchment and it is normal. Biologically babies are helpless and mothers do not want to leave them- it's supposed to be that way. As she ages both of you will feel more comfortable being apart from each other it is part of healthy development. It seems difficult to beleive that just because one decides not to spend large amounts of time away from her child as a baby she won't be able to do so as the child ages. She will. It's part of life.










The physical bond I feel with my daughter is not in question. I'm simply concerned as to whether I'm impeding her social development by not letting anyone else take a role in caring for her, especially since I'm a single mum. I will have to go back to work in a few months and my Mum will be looking after her. I'm worried that unless I begin the process gradually now - and not necessarily overnight stays - that it will be a huge shock to her then.





Okay. the only reason I even mentioned it is because your words led me to beleive that you felt almost physically attatched and couldn't imagine separating from her which is normal and healthy. I don't think you are in any way impeding her social development but there is nothing wrong with allowing her to be away from you for a while. I think it will be great and important to have your mother bond with her I just questioned whether going from nothing to an overnight visit at such a young age would be good for either of you.

Leah - posted on 05/07/2009

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i left mine for the first time at 4 months, maybe even sooner. it was tough but i'm close with my parents, they live right up the street, and the break was WONDERFUL!! i wouldn't feel guilty about it. a well rested mommy can be a better mommy. and u need your time too! your baby will still be there in the morning and won't even know u were gone at that age.

Rosemarie - posted on 05/06/2009

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My oldest child was 10 weeks old (so 2 1/2 months old) when she went to my parents house overnight. My youngest was only 8 weeks old (not quite 2 months old) when he went to my parents house overnight for a sleepover.

Emily - posted on 05/06/2009

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I left my daughter at 2 months...it was VERY hard, but it was also good for me. everyone needs some space. it was hard to leave, but SO fun to come back!

Amy - posted on 05/06/2009

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oops! He was 7 months old and I had to go away for a week for work. My husband had a required conference that week as well, but baby was well cared for at my Aunt's- he was spoinled rotten and I talked to them every day.

Amy - posted on 05/06/2009

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No, you aren't alone. Could your Mom either come to your place or host you both and take the morning so you can sleep in but still be there if needed? You won't be needed (she raised you successfully, after all!) but it would set you mind at ease and let you rest. My parents do this when they come out to visit from out of state and it is WONDERFUL!

Michelle - posted on 05/06/2009

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my daughter was away from me overnight once at 6 months old with my mom and once with my husbands aunt. She will be 2 in May and that is the only two times she has been away overnight.

Liane - posted on 05/06/2009

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my son was about 6 months, but my daughter is 4 and a half and i still can't let her sleep out..

Libby - posted on 05/06/2009

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well i had to go back to back to work 6 weeks after birthm, so I had no choise. But the first time my husband and I went to see a movie she was 3 mts and all we did was talk about her.

Good luck with your baby.

Christie - posted on 05/06/2009

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I didn't leave my first alone with anyone until he was 9 months, and not overnight until he was 20 months and I was in the hospital birthing my second child.

Krista - posted on 05/06/2009

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I left my son overnight for the first time this past weekend. He's almost 6 months old and I left him at home with his dad while I went on a girls' weekend to shop in the city. It was hard for me everytime I saw a baby at the mall or out for supper, but we both did okay! I think it's healthy to be able to be apart from your kids at least once in a while, and I do feel like I have a very strong bond with my son as well.

Erin - posted on 05/06/2009

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Quoting Emily:



Quoting Erin:




Quoting Kristin:

It will be better for both you and baby to have time apart... otherwise when she is a little older, you won't be able to do ANYTHING without her. And you may have problems with her freaking out if you leave her with a sitter. My daughter was about a month and a half old when she had her first overnight without me. She stayed with her aunt and cousin for 3 nights, and she did just fine... and so did I. I worried a bit, but everything was ok. It is hard to leave your child withsomeone else... especially when they are so young. But you need to remember... even though you are a mom first, you are still a woman, and will need time away from your child... and they need time away too! Don't lose who you are by being mommy 24/7. Take a few hours for yourself sometimes. Maybe once a week. It will get easier to be away from your little angel... and you'll be so happy to see her when you get back to her.








Thanks... I think you're right









Do you really? Despite everything you wrote in your other post about feeling a physical attatchment to your baby. I have stated that in do way do I feel that a mother who leaves her child for an amout of time is a bad mother but i do question whether it is considered developmentally appropriate for either party, There is a reason you feel a physical attatchment and it is normal. Biologically babies are helpless and mothers do not want to leave them- it's supposed to be that way. As she ages both of you will feel more comfortable being apart from each other it is part of healthy development. It seems difficult to beleive that just because one decides not to spend large amounts of time away from her child as a baby she won't be able to do so as the child ages. She will. It's part of life.






The physical bond I feel with my daughter is not in question. I'm simply concerned as to whether I'm impeding her social development by not letting anyone else take a role in caring for her, especially since I'm a single mum. I will have to go back to work in a few months and my Mum will be looking after her. I'm worried that unless I begin the process gradually now - and not necessarily overnight stays - that it will be a huge shock to her then.

Shelagh - posted on 05/06/2009

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When you're ready, you'll know. I left my youngest for the first time when she was 6 weeks - I was a 'helper' at a friend's wedding, a great honour, and not something I could (or wanted) to get out of. The sitter (a very capable woman with youngsters of her own) was great. The biggest problem was that by the time we got home I was desperate to feed but my daughter was full of formula and fast asleep!!

Kimberly - posted on 05/06/2009

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My oldest daughter was one month. She stayed with a friend of mine. My husband and I went 2 hrs away for our anniversary. She again spent the night with grandma and grandpa when she was 3.5 while I was in the hospital having her sister. My youngest is 1 and I have not been away from her for more than 5 hours. Boy do I need a break!

Emily - posted on 05/06/2009

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Quoting Erin:



Quoting Kristin:

It will be better for both you and baby to have time apart... otherwise when she is a little older, you won't be able to do ANYTHING without her. And you may have problems with her freaking out if you leave her with a sitter. My daughter was about a month and a half old when she had her first overnight without me. She stayed with her aunt and cousin for 3 nights, and she did just fine... and so did I. I worried a bit, but everything was ok. It is hard to leave your child withsomeone else... especially when they are so young. But you need to remember... even though you are a mom first, you are still a woman, and will need time away from your child... and they need time away too! Don't lose who you are by being mommy 24/7. Take a few hours for yourself sometimes. Maybe once a week. It will get easier to be away from your little angel... and you'll be so happy to see her when you get back to her.






Thanks... I think you're right





Do you really? Despite everything you wrote in your other post about feeling a physical attatchment to your baby. I have stated that in do way do I feel that a mother who leaves her child for an amout of time is a bad mother but i do question whether it is considered developmentally appropriate for either party, There is a reason you feel a physical attatchment and it is normal. Biologically babies are helpless and mothers do not want to leave them- it's supposed to be that way. As she ages both of you will feel more comfortable being apart from each other it is part of healthy development. It seems difficult to beleive that just because one decides not to spend large amounts of time away from her child as a baby she won't be able to do so as the child ages. She will. It's part of life.

Cj - posted on 05/06/2009

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I left my 2 1/2 week old son with my mom while we went out of town for an afternoon to celebrate a cousin's high school graduation and then again left him when he was 5 1/2 months old for a weekend when we went out-state-state for a wedding. This was 19 years ago. It was the best thing I could have done my mom and my husbands parents loved to watch him (and also our 2 daughters). It gave my husband and I a chance for some adult time, peace of mind knowing our children were being well cared for in our absence and most importantly it gave grandchildren & grandparents bonding time without the watchful eyes of mom and dad. Our children have been doing this since they were young and it has helped them to not be afraid to be apart from family. A reassurance as they go on vacations with friends & family, scouting trips and church mission trips/conferences.

[deleted account]

My son is 13 months old and I still can't leave him for more than a few hours, and that's only if he's with daddy!

Jennifer - posted on 05/06/2009

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My Lily is almost 3 and she has only stayed at my mothers house overnight. I don't really remember how old she was when she first stayed there, but she still doesn't stay very often, once every 2-3 months maybe. I just don't like to be without her and sometimes feel guilty, what am i doing that she couldn't be doing too? my mom didn't help matters when one time after lily stayed over, mom told me "well she was up in the middle of the night for a while crying for you" thanks mom lol but overall she has a good time and i think the whole experience is harder for me than anyone else...

Natalie - posted on 05/05/2009

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I left my son with his father & grandparents when he was 3/4 months...it was really hard for me, but it was great time for rest and recovery...and some sleeping in!

Erin - posted on 05/05/2009

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Quoting Kristin:

It will be better for both you and baby to have time apart... otherwise when she is a little older, you won't be able to do ANYTHING without her. And you may have problems with her freaking out if you leave her with a sitter. My daughter was about a month and a half old when she had her first overnight without me. She stayed with her aunt and cousin for 3 nights, and she did just fine... and so did I. I worried a bit, but everything was ok. It is hard to leave your child withsomeone else... especially when they are so young. But you need to remember... even though you are a mom first, you are still a woman, and will need time away from your child... and they need time away too! Don't lose who you are by being mommy 24/7. Take a few hours for yourself sometimes. Maybe once a week. It will get easier to be away from your little angel... and you'll be so happy to see her when you get back to her.



Thanks... I think you're right

Kristin - posted on 05/05/2009

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It will be better for both you and baby to have time apart... otherwise when she is a little older, you won't be able to do ANYTHING without her. And you may have problems with her freaking out if you leave her with a sitter. My daughter was about a month and a half old when she had her first overnight without me. She stayed with her aunt and cousin for 3 nights, and she did just fine... and so did I. I worried a bit, but everything was ok. It is hard to leave your child withsomeone else... especially when they are so young. But you need to remember... even though you are a mom first, you are still a woman, and will need time away from your child... and they need time away too! Don't lose who you are by being mommy 24/7. Take a few hours for yourself sometimes. Maybe once a week. It will get easier to be away from your little angel... and you'll be so happy to see her when you get back to her.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2009

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My baby is 7 months old and has not yet stayed overnight with anyone, the only person I would let her stay with is my mother, she stays at my house with her the 3 days/week that I work, my mother is the only one that stays with her, she will stay with her if my husband and I go out, but we're back home that evening

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