How should I respond to my children talking about Daddy????

Leslie - posted on 02/06/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My childrens father is not in the picture at all. He and I had a very unhealthy relationship. There was physical violence, alot of drinking and even drug use. He has given up his rights as a father - my question is - my kids keep talking about Daddy - they are very little and really do not remember him. They just hear other kids talking about Daddy. How am I supposed to respond CORRECTLY. What should I do.

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Jessie - posted on 02/06/2010

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Just tell them that not all Daddy's and Mommies live together but that Mommy loves them very much and if they have another male role model in their life like an Uncle or Grandpa talk about them and how much they love them as well. If your consistent with your responses they will prob. be happy with them. When they get older and have more questions just respond as you feel is necessary. I would be as truthful as possible b/c kids tend to deal well with the truth. You are doing a great job and I really commend you for being there for your children and making sure that they are safe. They are so lucky to have such a wonderful Mommy! :)

Gloria - posted on 02/06/2010

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First of all, congratulations on making a very hard decision and sticking to it. Getting yourself and your kids out of a bad situation took a lot of courage on your part. It's natural for kids to want to be just like the other kids. When they ask about "Daddy", tell them that there are all kinds of families. Right now your family is Mommy and the kids....and whatever extended family and friends you care to add to your inner circle. As they get older they will ask questions about your ex. Be honest and forthcoming, but only in terms they can understand. As they start to understand about good choices and bad choices, you can tell them that Daddy made bad choices that would hurt you all. Concentrate on choices--not that Daddy was bad. Above all else, make sure they understand that it had nothing to do with them, how they behaved and they didn't make the situation. Kids get it in their heads sometimes that they are the reason parents didn't or couldn't get along. They will eventually ask "Why didn't Daddy love us?" Tell them that Daddy couldn't love himself, so he didn't know how to love anyone else. It had nothing to do with them. It's hard to not get into details about what he did, but it's healthier for them to not grow up hating or seeing you hate. Good luck, Dear Lady. I think you are on the right track. Stay strong.

Tamara - posted on 02/06/2010

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That's tough. If I was in that situtation I might try switching the topic to mommy and why mommy loves them very much. Eventually when they get older you can explain that their daddy wasn't nice and because you love them you protected them. Your a good mom for protecting your children and you should be very proud of yourself!!!

Karen - posted on 02/06/2010

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Do your kids have a Loving Grandpa? If so Grandpa can become the man in there lives to relate to. And Explain that some daddy's do not always live with there kids.Or an Uncle can be a fret help to feel the void. I was a single mom my dad and brother where a great influeance with my son first 5 years of his life before I merried. My daoughter has friends that there children do not have grand parents and we have become adopted grand parents. iT IS HARD I KNOW hang in ther.

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