how to build childs selfesteem?

Keri - posted on 05/09/2009

thank you very much ladies all your advice has helped alot. i appreciate it.

Cathy - posted on 05/08/2009

He needs to find his voice, literally. Practise with him at home how to turn up the volume, vocally...some kids just don't realize they have the ability/permission to speak in a loud forceful manner when approached with their peers or with other adults. He needs to know its ok to stand up for himself, and show him how...loud voice, shoulders back, steady nerves. It takes practise...a martial arts class would be very helpful.

Shelagh - posted on 05/08/2009

You can't change your child's basic personality - a quiet child is likely to be a quiet teenager and a quiet adult. But you can help him to feel comfortable in his own skin. Is he really being picked on? the problem with terms like 'bullying' at this age, is that it's very much in the eyes of the child whether they feel bullied or not. I'm not condoning the bullies, but if they said exactly the same thing to another child, that child might not feel bullied. For example, if a child says 'You're tall' to your son, it might make him feel self-conscious and embarrassed. If the same child says exactly the same thing to a different child, that different child might feel proud, or think it was funny. Help him to see the difference between real nastiness, and just general play-ground stuff. Children like this often just want to be like all the other kids - they don't like to stand out. Make sure he has the 'right' backpack, the 'right' pens and pencils, etc etc. Anything to help him feel that he fits in.

Shelagh - posted on 05/08/2009

You can't change your child's basic personality - a quiet child is likely to be a quiet teenager and a quiet adult. But you can help him to feel comfortable in his own skin. Is he really being picked on? the problem with terms like 'bullying' at this age, is that it's very much in the eyes of the child whether they feel bullied or not. I'm not condoning the bullies, but if they said exactly the same thing to another child, that child might not feel bullied. For example, if a child says 'You're tall' to your son, it might make him feel self-conscious and embarrassed. If the same child says exactly the same thing to a different child, that different child might feel proud, or think it was funny. Help him to see the difference between real nastiness, and just general play-ground stuff. Children like this often just want to be like all the other kids - they don't like to stand out. Make sure he has the 'right' backpack, the 'right' pens and pencils, etc etc. Anything to help him feel that he fits in.

Emily - posted on 05/08/2009

Poor thing! Kids can be mean. There is a series of books called Positive Discipline that are designed to help parents foster self-esteem and autonomy in children. They might not apply to your situation, but anything you can do at home to build him up will counteract what happens at school. I have also heard of parents getting their children involved in activities in other towns close by so they can meet new kids without having the reputation as the bullied child preceding them. Playing sports with the same kids who are mean at school will probably make no difference as the kids will be mean on the field too, but playing sports with other children who have no preconceived notions about him might allow him some confidence.

Libby - posted on 05/08/2009

I don't think that it's necessarily up to a dad to do this. I spent the most time with my boys b/c my hubby works 12 hour shifts. I have always just found it normal to praise my children for good things. Spend time with them. TALK to them about their feelings and about kids at school. I volunteer in my son's school and I think that helps him feel confident and always want to do his best. We have discussed about what kids say and who might be a good friend and who might not be. I think at 7 (which is the same age as my oldest) they can start to make these decisions and start molding good friendships. My son is the shortest and is color blind, so there are some downfalls but we've talked about these things and I've always tried to prompt him that these things are ok. Remind him that the kids who are picking on him probably would just love to be as tall as him. I know my son would, he LOVES to play basketball, but is so short that it takes him 100 tries to make a basket. But he doesn't give up. Keep reminding your son not to give up and not to worry. I tell my son every day when I drop him off at school to always do his best and to be a good friend and that I love him. Luckily for your son the school year is almost over and a lot can change over the summer. You have a lot of time to instill some of those things. And the best time to do it is when you're doing something special with him like taking him to the park or volunteering with him at the local animal shelter, etc. These are great times to slip in those little lessons when having fun!

Gloria - posted on 05/08/2009

Stacy Haapala, I would have to agree with you on what you said.....get him involved in what he loves.....and putting him in marital arts is a great thing as well...it does give a child confidence.......also show him the movie Karate Kid....that kid did get bullied and in the long run....was involved in marital arts and overcame his shyness and not having confidence in himself......have a blessed day.....and Happy Mother's day.

Stacy - posted on 05/08/2009

That is tough. Kids can be so cruel. I have a son who got bullied and teased, what worked for me was getting him involved in activites he liked. First my son is a science and Lego nut, so we enroled him a Magnet school focused on Engineering & Science, the kids there are just like him and he is thriving! Another great thing we did was enrole him in marital arts, it teaches such great self control, confidence and respect. Try to find what he loves and/or something he is good at and encourage participation in those activies.

If your son is getting bullied, have you spoken to the school?

Shelly - posted on 05/08/2009

Keri,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you can't! This is were dad needs to step in and spend some time with him...And if dads not around then have a male friend or an uncle spend some time with him This were the male bonding starts and he needs a man to help out as much as us mom's like to think that we can do it all we can't our sons need that strong male in thier lives...Good Luck and let us know how it goes