how to deal when your child moves out :(

Kathy - posted on 06/11/2012

Oh my goodness!! My oldest son (21) just moved out a few days ago and I can't stand it. I realize he needs to and that he will do great but right now I am just concerned with ME!! It hurts so bad. I feel like Kay from the last post, that my heart has been ripped out. I know I will see him often and he has reminded me that he has been over every day since going but what I really miss is saying goodnight to him, knowing that he is safe under our roof and that we are all together. I also miss seeing him first thing in the morning and finding out what his day will be like. I miss my life the way it was and the routine I had. I had no idea this would be so hard!! My heart is with all the moms that have gone through this and ones that will in the future. I feel this is a grieving process for the "old life" and that I will somehow make it through. Please send warm thoughts my way. :/

Kay - posted on 05/03/2012

I know this thread is old, but I can relate! I thought I was just crazy. My only child moved 4 hours away 6 months ago. There hasn't been a day since that I haven't cried. I feel like part of my soul was yanked out of me. I haven't told anyone how low I get when nobody's around. Other moms tell me how lucky I am. I wholeheartedly disagree. I want & need him closer to me. He doesn't have a clue, I don't agree with putting a guilt trip on children. He's very happy & I won't take that away from him. In my opinion, 19 is too young these days to be out on your own. I can't be there fast enough if he needs me. I miss his witty, bubbly attitude. I love it when he calls me. We can talk for hours & not run out of things to talk about. I'm very lucky he includes me in his life. I just miss him like the Dickens & I can't stop crying when nobody's around. I just want him back!!!! Is that so wrong? He was the only priority of my life since before he was born. In the blink of an eye he was too far for a casual visit. It hurts. I miss my son. I feel empty.I really want him back.

Amy - posted on 11/12/2009

I think that's exciting! I'm the youngest of two girls, when I went away to college my parents started to send care packages and the like. It was a way for them to feel needed still. Try baking him some cookies every once in a while.

Robin - posted on 11/12/2009

Oh I know how your feeling. My son is 19, he has moved out recently. Well it's been almost a year....but I still miss him so much. I feel like I lost my baby boy! He was and still is a mama's boy. He still calls me at least once a day, and comes over for lunch on his days off. Just keep in touch, and be proud of him for becoming such a responsible young man. I know how it feels, sometimes I feel like my heart is breaking, but focus on your son being happy and being the man you raised him to be!

Andi - posted on 10/29/2009

First things first _ don't make him feel guilty. I raised my niece for 10 years and she moved out and went to her moms. It was very very hard for us, but we knew it was something that had to be done.

I see her and talk to her all the time so that helps softens the blow some. Just don't become clingy, if you do he will feel like you are smothering him and may move farther away.

I know that is going to be hard to do, but he needs to feel like you trust him. And you need to realize that you taught him how to be an adult, you prepared him for adult life, so now is the time for him to show you all that he has learned from you. Be proud that is wanting to get out there and start his life. That shows ambition.It shows that he is becoming a man. Take pride in him and let him know you are proud of the things he is doing. I am a mom also so I know how heart breaking it is, but you are never more than a phone call away.

ZARRI - posted on 10/29/2009

HI ANGELA, I AM A MOTHER OF SEVEN AND I ENVY YOU IN A SINCE. YOU HAVE A PEACE OF MIND TO GO HOME TO. HE MUST BE THE ONLY CHILD. AND YOU HAVE GROWN OVER PROTECTIVE OF HIM. LET HIM EXPLORE ADULT HOOD AND HOPE THHHHAT HE WILL FOLLOW THE FOUNDATION YOU SET. I WOULD SUGGEST JOINING A ACTIVITY LIKE THE GYM, MOM'S CLUB, GET INVOLVED IN A PROGRAM TO HELP YOU KEEP YOUR MIND OFF OF MISSING YOUR SON.