How to deal with custody issues?

Kristina - posted on 03/12/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My son is 19 months old and I just recently broke up with his father we were not married. My issue is if he tries to tell me that he wants our son half with him half with me. I will not do it, and I will have to go through court to get full custody. My ex does not have the best past eiter he owes back child support for a daughter he has no contact with, he is a convicted felon with an extensive criminal record, he cant have a bank account without it getting seized by the irs.... this is all mostly due to the fact that he was drug addict for many years. He has been sober now for a little over 3 years..that is when I met him. His living situation now is with a sober roomate in an apartment who also has a son.. what will the courts do if he tries for joint custody?? I live in a house work full time. He also has a job too. Will this be difficult in court to get full custody with visitations and something like everyother weekend. he loves our son and i want him to be in his life. Any advice I would greatly appreciate.

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Heather - posted on 11/08/2012

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Depends on your state. Some now a rebuttable presumption that 50/50 will be mandatory. Research laws specific to your location

Kristina - posted on 03/12/2012

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Thankyou so much for all of your help... I met with him tonight and he didnt ask for joint custody. I offered him once a week and every other weekend and that he can see him when he wants to as long as he lets me know... im lucky that he wants to take part in his life and it could be alot worse. when I mentioned the word court he immediatley took a step back and didn't want to take that route.

Deidre - posted on 03/12/2012

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I agree it really makes a difference on what State you live in.

In my experience in WA and CA, it didn't matter whether the father was from Yale or Jail he had rights to his child.

It is an old wives tale to think that because he is a bad person that he won't get any rights. From what I know the mother gets custody 1 since the baby is with her 100% of the time thus far and 2 When she is the one to file first. I recommend filing for a parenting plan. It is there for you and your childs protection. They will order child support and figure out a visitation schedule. I, personally have never seen joint custody be granted to a couple who hasn't been married. It is my understanding that equal rights are established regardless unless one files for sole custody. I've been married both times and have always heard horror stories from people who were going through it over who has the right to what! I promised myself if given the opportunity I would share my knowledge with others. File first set the ball in motion. Don't be intimidated by the father. In order for him to TAKE your child away (which he is delusional if he thought he ever could) he would have to prove that you were UNFIT to be in your childs life. It takes a long time for someone to build an impossible case of that nature.

Parenting Plans are very simple to establish. They are in place to be fair to all parties involved. Also for when parties don't comply you will have a legal way to support your findings. Keep a journal and keep records of any contact with him. If and when any drama comes up keep track of that too. It all comes in handy when you need proof.

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Sometimes it depends where you are, but my ex abandoned his kids for a year and a half and when we went to court the only thing that kept him from getting joint custody was that he moved too far away to make it possible.

Christina - posted on 03/12/2012

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the problem with not agreeing to something til you go to court could be depending on the state. where i live in va, if he leaves with that baby he does not have to return her to you. second. if you go file for custody unless you can prove him completly unfit you will not get full custody. usually they will do joint but physical to the mother or which parent decides to file. as far as his back ground is concerned, it would depend if it would be usable on how long ago he got in trouble. my ex has been in and out of the system for years with assult charges, but because he always seemed to get out of them. donrt ask me how. but when we split and i went for custody he had gotten involved with ppl who where doing crack aswell as himself. i told him he could either go in and give me full custody or i would pop him with a drug test. where i live if you make a suggestion that the parent could be involved in drugs they will drug test them right then. he knew he couldnt pass. make sure you check with ppl and the courts to see what the laws are where you live. you dont want him to get her for a day and him not bring her back. but keep in mind you can do the same if the law works that way in your state

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