How to get your 15month to stop co-sleeping & Sleep in his own room?

LaWanda - posted on 10/27/2010 ( 202 moms have responded )

75

42

7

I have a 15mon. old son and he started co-sleeping with us when he was in the hospital or some complations with the deliever I could get out of bed so it was just easier. Now that he is basically a toddler we would like some room in out bed just for mommy & daddy, the trouble is we can't get our little guy to sleep in his bed. He is in a toddler bed due to the fact he hates the crib so we thought that would help. I can't let him cry long it just brakes my heart to much, so if anyone has any ideas it would be great...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Renae - posted on 10/27/2010

2,209

23

154

If you want to use a no-cry method the most successful one is a process of gradual withdrawal. I agree that you should use a no-cry method. Your baby only knows what he has been taught and currently that is that it is normal to sleep with mum and dad.



You need to move in small steps, taking one small step every 3-7 days and always making sure he is completely accustomed to the last step before trying the next.



The steps are usually as follows, but you can adjust to suit your situation - just keep the steps SMALL!



1- You and baby move to his toddler bed and you sleep with him in his bed for 1 week.

2- Once he goes to sleep you move out of his bed onto a mattress on the floor right next to his bed. When he wakes you get back in bed with him, and move out again once he is asleep. Do this for 3-7 days.

3- You lean up on your elbows instead of lying down next to him while he goes to sleep.

4- You sit next to him while he goes to sleep (you may need to have one hand on him, if so insert an extra step here to remove your hand).

5- Kneel next to the bed on your mattress while he goes to sleep.

6- sit on your mattress while he goes to sleep

7- lie down on your mattress while he goes to sleep

8- start moving your mattress away from his bed a couple of inches at a time until you are on the other side of the room.

9- start going to your own bed once he is asleep and coming back to his room to sit on your mattress when he wakes up. This will teach him that you are never far away.

10- Kneel on your mattress while he goes to sleep.

11- Swat on your mattress while he goes to sleep.

12- Stand on your mattress while he goes to sleep.

13- Start moving off your mattress and towards the door a couple of inches at a time for the next few steps.

14- Once he is going to sleep while you are standing in the doorway - start reducing the amount of time you stand in the doorway by 1 minute every few days.

Finally - once he is going to sleep without you standing in the doorway for one week - you can take the mattress away.



This process will take you about 3 months, at minimum with a very compliant baby about 6 weeks. During the process expect there to be around 3 regressions, where everything seems to be going really well and then he suddenly goes backwards. This always happens about halfway through and towards the end (just when you think you are nearly there) and sometimes a third time 3/4 of the way through. Ride the regression out, it should last no more than 2 weeks, usually only one week, just stick to the plan and keep doing the step you are up to. If it lasts more than 2 weeks then you have tried to move too fast. You need to revert back to the last step that was working and try again.



Do not attempt to skip a step! Do not try to move too fast! This will work if you do it slowly and patiently. The most common reason for it not working is when parents think it is going so well that they can jump ahead and it all falls in a heap.



You are welcome to contact me with any questions.

Angela - posted on 10/27/2010

3

1

0

First of all congradulations on realizing your child needs you at such a small age and then u get to rest also as a bonus sleeping closer to mom and dad.
Let me fast forward 12 to 14 years from now a young teenager whom was connected emotionally to his parents at a yung age was heard when hecwas happy and sad and still can be heard even with his stange comments, needs and wants but the youth is never afraid tonapproach and discuss with the parents shays on his mind whether it's right or wrong
now go back to this innocent 15 month child who has so much to learn and is so innocent and full of trust and is feeling safe in an enviromentnsimilar to where he grew for 9 whole months thatbis more than half of what he has li ed outside the womb.
Is a 15 month a grown youth yet
he is achild yearning for love from two amazing adults mommy and daddy for such a short time and society says push them away as you two need time as a couple
well let's face it you two as a couple do need time so have another room for your snuggle time then go back to the family bed as this time flies by and the child becomes the youth who then will easily or at be better at connecting to parents as a teenager to ask and trust when theybneed you rather than pushing u away as you may choose to do
makes sense just plain common sense
we too had the family bed for 10 years then child three came and child two stuck around for abfew more months and child three now 6 1/2 still in family bed and life is great
follow your instincts what is both your comfort zone
instincts are usually 99.9 percent right
it's ok to snuggle or have your child sharing a bed with his parents look back in time when their weren't many bedrooms but many beds in one room were those people happy and fully functional in their lives
live a selfless life and your children will do the same and care for you two with kindness as you age
I hope this helps and remember do what works for family and then that answer is correct.

Nicola - posted on 10/30/2010

6

13

0

Hi My first child was like this and as she was sleeping with us we were getting no sleep so eventually at 18mths (and i was 3 mths pregnant again) i decided that she had to sleep in her own bed. I think first you have to be ready and mentally prepared for a couple of weeks of hard work, but that is all it took. I first put her to bed at 7pm she slept through until anywhere between 12 and 3, she would walk into our room and climb into bed with us, but instead of letting her do this i would get up take her back to her own bed and sat by it until i thought she was asleep (if necessary stroking her head), i would then get up and go back to bed (sometimes she would wake up as soon as i got up and i had to sit down again) but i persisited with this and after about 2 weeks she was sleeping through the night! and is now at nearly 10 the best sleeper in the world! I never let her cry as she wasn't the kind of child you could let cry as she would never stop. But a couple of weeks of extra tiredness meant 6 mths + (before new baby) and was def worth it!

Dorota - posted on 10/27/2010

168

11

5

My 2 year old just recently started sleeping in his own bed at night. What I started doing was I would have him fall asleep in his own bed but he'd wander into our room at night and climb in. I was tired so I'd usually just let him sleep with us (I also have a 5 month old lol) So I began the whole process by moving him into his own bed. Even if he fell asleep with us (or in his stroller) I'd carry him over to his bed, and no matter how tired I was I would get up and move him. It went from like 5 times a night of moving him to less and less until eventually he slept a whole night in his own bed! wooohoooo! But yeah my advice is to be consistent in moving him, he will still wander into our bed occasionally but it's usually around like 5 am and it'll happen once at night instead of the nightmare we started with LOL. good luck to you :)

Alison - posted on 10/27/2010

2,753

20

466

Depending on his toddler bed. You could lay down in the bed with him until he falls asleep. Next step, sit in a chair beside his bed until he falls asleep. Keep moving the chair closer to the door until eventually, you do not stay in the room at all.

Another option is to put him to sleep in your bed, then move him to his bed when you go to sleep.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

202 Comments

View replies by

Lucy - posted on 11/04/2010

69

42

3

These nanny people do not sound like mothers. Their job is watching other people's children. I see them at the park here where I live and they just yak on the phone, letting their charges wander all over the place. I've seen several children injured because the nanny was gabbing away on her cell phone, ignoring the child. Don't fool yourselves. Nannies are usually NOT mommies and do not have the loving connection to your child that you do. Their main concern is control and compliance, not the emotional well being of your child. Stop listening to them. Do what seems most loving and caring in your own heart. I like Amy Carney's answers the best of all. Scroll back and read them if you want really sound suggestions.

Laura - posted on 11/04/2010

15

15

0

my daughter is almost 3 and she has been in her own bed since birth, untill we moved, after that she has had alot of trouble sleeping in her own room, i have tryed letting her cry herself to sleep but she crys so much that she makes herself sick, so i resorted to laying in her bed with her till she was asleep, that worked for a few months then now she cant get to sleep unless its in mummys bed, so when she falls asleep i put her in her own bed, but i wake up to her next to me in the morning, im hoping she will grow outta this soon, because our bed is just not big enough for all 3 of us

Claire - posted on 11/04/2010

20

7

1

My little boy is 15 months old too and we had a similar experience... We've had him in a cot alongside our bed (with one side down) for a long time then he moved to his room with the same arrangement (his bedroom also has an adult bed in it), for now I'm sleeping next to him for the 2nd half of the night after he wakes up. Maybe if you transition with him to start off with, it'll help?

Natalie - posted on 11/04/2010

3

57

0

there is this program out called supernanny have u seen it well my kids love her. her name is nanny jojo.
well she says if u put ur son in his bed and read him a story then tell him its time for bed. sit with ur back to him and dont look at him. i know this is hared but it dose work, then when he gets out u just tell him it now time for bed then ever time he gets out of bed just pick him up (do not talk to him) and put him back in. he will get out of bed loads of time he will then give up. it is hard ive done it when my daughter was young and now she 3 and the only time she gets in with me is when its time for mummy to get up and get ready but my son was brillant he never done it. PLEASE JUST GIVE IT A TRY AND U WILL LOVE THE SPACE IN U BED.

Julia - posted on 11/04/2010

2

21

0

Gotta let him cry it out the hard way! Mine stayed in my bed for 11 months, and I finally had to do it. It broke my heart, but it only takes a few days of not responding and it's over!

Ricaria - posted on 11/04/2010

3

24

0

Nanny 911 says that you just have to keep walking him back in his own room each time he leaves and eventually he will stay you just have to be consistant

Elizabeth - posted on 11/04/2010

4

15

0

have u tried to put him to sleep and then place him in his own bed, i also have put a shirt of mine on the mattress to his bed and see if that works any other ideas i have none but thats what i have done and i have had to let him cry also cause it will benefit the both of u in the end good luck hunny

Krista - posted on 11/04/2010

12,562

16

842

Good point, Katie. That was uncalled-for. My apologies, Stephanie, and to everybody else.

Katie - posted on 11/04/2010

80

10

0

Whoa! Krista! I thought you were the one insisting on people a.) staying on topic, and b.) being respectful!! How is calling someone you will probably never meet a dick?!?

I'm off of this, and outta here...so sick of people being outrageously self contradictory, not to mention judgmental in the extreme...

Lorraine - posted on 11/04/2010

3

33

0

i am having the same sort off problem with my 2yr old ive tried putting her in her own bed once shes asleep but eventually i wake up an shes in my bed ive also tried letting her cry but she has a temper on her an starts head butting the floor or door so i usually give in but now i am getting quite stressed with it all is there anything else i could do

Laraine - posted on 11/04/2010

7

1

1

I don't want to be the "downer" in all these positive comments, but I have to be for now. First, the easiest solution (although too late now) is to never start the process to begin with! I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I value my sleep and alone time way too much, I guess. When my preemie came home, he would not sleep in his crib. I opted for the couch with the swing close by....never my bed. Once they get in that bed, they never want to leave. (Yes, I was on the couch for three months but so worth it now.) The child will be starting school and still sleeping with mom and dad. Not good. How do you have a healthy relationship with your spouse? You also need some alone time to remain mentally healthy, everyone does. Don't let there be any other options - sleep in your room and that's that. Yes, you will have some sleepless nights for a few days, but if you tough it out and stick to your guns, you will be successful. The child comes in your room in the middle of the night, you turn them around, with no talking, and walk them back to their bed. If you have to keep doing it, so be it. Be strong and take control. You can do it!!!! : )

Krista - posted on 11/04/2010

12,562

16

842

Um yeah, Stephanie...I agree with Tammy.

But I cannot get any sleep with baby number 3. I have Multiple Sclerosis with seizure complications so really need to rest at night at least. The baby co sleeping is really negatively impacting my marriage as well. My husband is 6'8" 290 lbs so complains that he has no room. Told him to upgrade us to a king size bed but he refuses because says then the baby will never get out of our room.

Instead of complaining and being a dick about getting a bigger bed, why doesn't he HELP you?

Tammy - posted on 11/04/2010

253

2

3

To Stephanie Bake - Is your 6'8" husband disabled? If not, then why isn't he helping you with the baby?! The way you write, you seem to be the only one taking care of him. And with your illness, your husband should be there to help you, rather than complain that he has no room!

Jennifer - posted on 11/04/2010

5

14

0

I have been going through the same thing. I just lay in my daughter's room until she is asleep. If she wakes up in the middle of the night, either i lay back in there or bring her in bed with us. Each week she has been sleeping a little bit longer in her bed! She is up to 6 hours in her bed and 5 or 6 in ours. This way her anxiety of sleeping in her own bed goes down each night! Good Luck!

Amy - posted on 11/04/2010

7

29

0

Well, if he wasn't old enough to open them anyway, I suppose it is a moot point in that particular situation. And believe me, I do feel that doorknob covers are invaluable - we have them on all of the doors that lead outside or to dangerous places, like the basement and garage. My question is this - if it truly was a safety precaution, then why not just put the covers on the "danger" doors? I guess it all depends on how people's houses are set up in terms of gates, etc... but no matter what, I think there are better ways to teach your child to stay in his room and I find the fact that a pediatrician recommended this ludicrous. I apologize if I offended you - after our experience, this is just something I feel very strongly about.

[deleted account]

I just wanted to say that at the age we used the door knob cover on the inside of my son's door, he wasn't old enough to open doors anyhow. So if we had had a fire, he wouldn't have been able to get out on his own in the first place. But there is always that day when kids learn how to open a door, and I didn't want that one day for us to be the day he got into something dangerous. Or opened his door, and then the front door and then to the outside, where we lived on a road with a 50 mph speed limit. For us, it was a safety precaution AND it was recommended by our pediatrician.

Amy - posted on 11/04/2010

7

29

0

A fire may seem like an irrational fear - one of those things that happen to other people, but never to you... but I assure you, these things DO happen, and CAN happen to anyone. We had a fire in our home 2 years ago and because of that, I would NEVER lock my child in his room, monitor or no monitor (as fires have a way of disabling these kinds of things) and would also never sleep on a separate floor of the house. Doorknob covers on the inside of a door are safety hazards. And with so many other options, Katie, i have to agree with you, locking your child IN is just not one of them.

Geneva - posted on 11/04/2010

2

14

0

let him go to sleep with you,then move him to his bed, if he wakes up,go to his room, stay with him and try to get him back to sleep in his bed,it worked for me34yrs ago.

Mona - posted on 11/04/2010

15

2

0

Both of you will have to be unhappy for a time. And the sooner you can know that you are doing him a favor by not letting him sleep with you and getting independent, the better it will be. When you get to where his crying does not get him rewards, then it will not be to his advantage to cry.

Having our hearts break is just a part of raising children.

Tammy - posted on 11/04/2010

253

2

3

I have never understood the co-sleeping thing. I understand you had some complications early on, but why wasn't your baby moved to his crib in his own room when you were better? And why are you giving him a choice? He is just a child; you are the one that makes the decisions. There will be some crying issues and it will break your heart, but you have to do it! There are some good "no cry method" books out there, though there will be some crying, no matter what. Good luck!

Jenn - posted on 11/04/2010

3

3

0

Our solution was to put two full size beds together on the floor. Plenty of room for baby, toddler and mom and dad. And we found it easier to leave kids where they were and have "mommy and daddy time" in another room. In alot of ways, made it even more fun. Kinda like being teenagers again. And yes, eventually they will move out on their own. Mine are teenagers now and i wish they'd let me snuggle with them like they used to!

Stephanie - posted on 11/04/2010

3

16

0

Ok I am going to try no cry method for our son. He is our 3rd and definitely last baby. I do have a soft heart for him at bed time. He has ALWAYS slept in our bed since birth...our 2 older children (now ages 9 and 6) did the same. But I cannot get any sleep with baby number 3. I have Multiple Sclerosis with seizure complications so really need to rest at night at least. The baby co sleeping is really negatively impacting my marriage as well. My husband is 6'8" 290 lbs so complains that he has no room. Told him to upgrade us to a king size bed but he refuses because says then the baby will never get out of our room. I have tried so many of the techniques mentioned here but there are a couple I have not and also due to my illness and soft heart don't stay consistent.. sometimes I am too tired and in too much pain from the MS to keep putting him back to his own bed, etc. I just want to sleep myself so I can get through the day with him.

Jennie - posted on 11/04/2010

5

3

2

at that age is hard. he will probably sleep in his bed and in the middle of the night wake up and walk to your room :-) my daughter is 6 and still does that sometimes. as she grew older, it got easier for me to get her to appreciate her own bed. she gets into her bed on her own now, without a fight. so just be patient and understand that your child just feels more secure with your company. It helps if you read your toddler a story in his own bed at night. he will fall asleep there.

Emily - posted on 11/04/2010

8

9

0

Although it is still going to be difficult here is a good book that walks through helping your child sleep well and specific situations like co-sleeping. "The Sleep Easy Solution" by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack

Amy - posted on 11/04/2010

7

29

0

My husband & I were in the same co-sleeping situation when my son was 15 months old. He also hated his crib from day 1 and just wanted to be in our bed. He has always loved to snuggle. However, at some point, my husband & I wanted him to learn to sleep on his own and we wanted some snuggle time of our own! So here is what we did:
We used a toddler bed, very close to the ground, and one that he thought was fun (a boat bed that my older son had used). Every night, we would go through our bedtime routine (involving snuggling while reading books on the floor next to his bed, with a comforter on the floor and pillows). Once we had read the last book, we tucked him into the bed and turned out the light. Then we would lay on the floor next to his bed. At first, we held his hand or rubbed his head for a while, and then we stopped the physical contact but stayed right next to his bed. Sometimes we would sing or hum softly. I should mention that he did not like it when we stopped holding his hand, but after some fussing, he got through it. After he was used to falling asleep without our "help", we moved to the chair in his room. Again, he did not like us so far away, but he was okay with it once he realized the alternative was us leaving completely. We are just now ( a year later) starting to leave him in there awake. He falls asleep so fast that we haven't minded sitting in there for 5 minutes until he was sleeping, but we like it even better to be able to tuck him in, kiss him and leave the room...

Oh, as for night waking... he would (and often still does) find his way into our room. We would walk him back into his room, tuck him in and stay on the floor next to him until he fell asleep again, and repeat as much as we needed to. As you can imagine, we often fell asleep in there with him. NOT ideal, but we kept reminding ourselves that it wouldn't be forever. And after a little while, he would fall asleep so fast we wouldn't need to stay long... now, we still let him snuggle in bed with us every morning. He will wake up at 5, but if we let him snuggle, he is content until 6:30. I know the time will come all too soon when he no longer wants to snuggle. They grow so fast and I love those precious moments too.

I'm sure all of this sounds like a lot to most people... but we could never let our kids cry it out and this was a better alternative to us than co-sleeping forever. I am happy to report that it took a while, but the system eventually has briught peace - and sleep - to all of us.

GOOD LUCK!!

Gayle Ann - posted on 11/04/2010

5

51

0

i know u don,t like to listen to them cry but tough love works and you just have to bestrong and let him cry as he will soon learn that he has to sleep in his own bed and not mummy and daddys and he will fill asleep with the crying could take upto a couple of hours but it does really work xx

Rachel - posted on 11/04/2010

3

25

1

maybe try making his bed more comfortable, that's what worked with our 12 month old. We put extra padding on her bed and let her sleep with her favorite stuffed animal. Now she sleeps all through the night in her own bed:)

Elizabeth - posted on 11/04/2010

178

8

0

Try to wean him away from the bed. If he slept in the middle, put him on the side. Then place his bed in your room. When you can get him to sleep through the night in his own bed and you think he is comfortable with it. Move him back to his room.

Helen - posted on 11/04/2010

12

8

0

unfortunately i think you have to be cruel to be kind my son has been in hospital recently and even though i wanted to be with him constantly i knew that i would get myself into trouble. I think you should try it during the day at first when you can go toanother room to get away from the crying. start by putting him in his bed then kiss cuddle and walk out the room if after 15mins he still crying you go back in and settle him down again. its a dependency thing and once he realises this is how it is going to be he will settle on his own. hope this helps. good luck x

Lucy - posted on 11/04/2010

69

42

3

Krista, I DID offer a solution. Also, if someone is asking for help in doing something that, although popular in this society, is perhaps not in the best interest of the child, I will speak up. I'm a lot older than most of you and have had many more years experience watching both my own children grow up and others' children grow up as well. Its become clear to me that some child rearing practices cause related emotional issues that show up later. Not only am I a grandmother, but also have done counseling for adults. I simply related how I coped with this issue.

Krista - posted on 11/04/2010

12,562

16

842

People, can we please focus on actually HELPING the OP? She wants her 15-month old to sleep in his own bed. And she wants advice on how to do so. If you want to debate the merits of co-sleeping vs. a child having their own bed, then please feel free to start a separate thread on it.

Thank you,
Krista
WTCOM Moderator

Lucy - posted on 11/04/2010

69

42

3

LaWanda, I feel your pain. Know that it is natural for a little one to sleep with mom for longer than 15 months. Ours slept with us for years. When I had my second child, my oldest was almost 3 and I had bought a king sized bed for all of us. We put her crib mattress in the room at the foot of the bed and she slept on that for about a year before deciding she wanted her own room like all the big girls had. It was a gradual process, natural and easy. No crying, which can set up deeply buried psychological issues that may surface later on. And even later, when they were both a lot older, we had "visits" at night due to a bad dream or running a fever. There are some times when you just need mom and nothing else will do. Hope this helps sweetie! Sounds like you're a wonderful mom.

Anjie - posted on 11/04/2010

1

9

0

Everyone has differing views on co-sleeping. Mine is that if you don't want to have to have all kinds of headaches breaking a habit later on then it's better not to start it to begin with. But hindsight is 20/20. And I was blessed with a good sleeper, but each child is different. Kids get sick and need extra cuddles, etc. and when you are exhausted it is sometimes best to take the easy path to preserve your sanity. But in general, kids need to learn to feel safe in their own space and their own rooms and it's easier to teach this lesson when they are small rather than struggling with it later on. As long as a child is fed, changed, and in a safe environment (i.e. not jumping out of the crib) crying for a little bit is not going to hurt them. Or let them sleep with you and be willing to put up with the struggle to transition later on......

Kylee - posted on 11/04/2010

1

22

0

you can always try playing relaxation music on a stereo in his room this works wonders. plus be persistant with returning him back to bed...also depending on his understandings you can have a reward chart and buy something special to put in his room or go back to basics where he has a item of clothing in his bed that smells like you so he will feel safe

Teresa - posted on 11/04/2010

31

9

1

If my son was a cosleeper, then I WOULD never sleep!! The day he came from the hospital, I put him in his own room! I have to disagree with post that implied that you aren't "emotionally connected" to your child if you don't cosleep! He does wonderful in his own bed. He gets a lot of love and attention and I do feel very much in tune with his needs. You don't have to cosleep to be a good parent no matter what anyone says! Sometimes you do have to put mommy and daddy first or you both will be burned out and being burned out, you can't give the child what he needs! Letting a toddler cry doesn't make you a bad parent either. Good luck with the situation and I hope you find a solution.

Peta - posted on 11/04/2010

6

22

0

I would suggest reading a book called "The no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I also could never let my girls cry long at all. I've always felt that it's a bit much to try and train out a natural instinct of needing to be with mother. Elizbeth Pantley is great because she doesn't say how she thinks things ought to be. She provides a whole bunch of techniques that other parents have used with success, depending on your particular situation. What a lovely way to approach things.

Laurie - posted on 11/04/2010

5

18

2

I had the same problem w/my son but luckily for me he liked cars. I took small steps at first cause you don't want him 2 end up abandonment issues by just putting him in his own room after sleeping w/u for so long. Like I mentioned earlier, my son liked cars so I went to Toys R' Us and bought him a car toddler bed. As soon as I got home I put the bed up right next to mine & gave him his bottle for the night & he walked passed my bed & got in his own. If you want your child in his room put the bed in his room, put him to sleep then put his bed. You can also try leaving an article of your clothing on his pillow so that he can smell your scent. There are so many things to try. If have any other questions or want discuss my suggestions further my email is sunshine10941 at gmail dot com. Good luck!

Julie - posted on 11/04/2010

10

31

1

we had similar prob's so we started by putting a matress onthe floor inthe room with us and then moved her back to her room to go to sleep and if waking during night can come and sleep on matress and now after 3 months sleeps all night in her own bed.

Margaret - posted on 11/04/2010

19

8

0

hi,
my daughter is three years old and still climbs into my during the night. i just keep getting up and putting her bsack in her room. it is hard for children to sleep in a toddlers bed but they willget use to the bed but it just takes time and patient.

Barb - posted on 11/03/2010

46

4

1

Oh Momma, you have a lot to learn. Once your child realizes that his crying breaks your heart, he will be out of control. I suggest that you harden your heart. Put him in his bed for nap time. When it is night time, you got it, in his own bed. Yes he will cry but he will get used to it. I promise. The price of your heart breaking when he is crying will be fun again with your husband at night. Who knows, maybe your toddler will get a sibling. Best of luck and God bless you.

Noni - posted on 11/03/2010

2

2

0

Frankly.. they are only little enough to BE all snuggly in your bed SO enjoy it while it lasts..



why are we always soo rushed to get our kids to the next phase. they will happen soon enough and then we will be all.. oh i wish they were small again..



for my forth baby we didn't even bother setting up a crib! i had a bassinet type bed while he was little to put him into when he was already asleep. then a small portable playpen bedside. with the older kids we had taken one side off the crib and pushed it up against our bed so it was a big bed for mum and dad and baby could be slid over to their space once they were nursed to sleep. and bonus mum didn't have to get up to fetch baby if they woke in the night. often they made thier way to me to nurse, so no lost sleep for either of us.

i HATE to hear when people say they broke thier kids of the habit of sleeping in the parent bed by letting them cry it out.. how horridly awful. it breaks my heart!!! to me any child would take this as some sort of punishment.. "mummy and daddy don't want me anymore!"

who in their right mind would want to cry themselves to sleep???

children are fragile and should be treated as such.. they need that security. knowing that mum and dad are there for them. i never let my children cry for any length of time.. i have even sat in the back seat of the car in the most uncomfortable of possitions to nurse a baby in the car seat because there was nowhere to stop safely and baby was starting to get frantic. frantic babies are harder to settle and appease.



With my older daughter we had a bed for her about at 18 months. i put her into it.. nursed for about 10 minutes gradually lessening the time over a few weeks. and read her a story and sang a song and then said now its time to go to sleep( if she wasn't already. and it was no problem.. but she knew that if she awoke in the night she was welcome to come into our bed ... which more often than not she did..

now my 13 year old daughter still (on a much rarer occasion) climbs into our bed in the night if she isn't feeling well or is stressed about something..a closeness and security she wouldn't have if we had forced her to stay in her own bed.

same with my 11 and 8 year old.. the 16 year old.. well she pretty much is done with us. unless she needs a ride somewhere.. or money! LOL



when our children are little they need us. they want us. it doesn't last long and sooner than you can blick an eye they will want nothing to do with you. it comes fast no matter how loving and nurturing you were. its just part of growing up.. so in short

ENJOY this stage of the game.. snuggle often. make them feel secure. by being there and tending to their need(not wants.. thats a whole different kettle of fish!!!)

and best wishes to you... if you really need some "privacy" have a bed made up for him that you can slide him into once he is asleep. and if you do start putting baby to sleep in their own bed to start the night, make sure they know they are welcome to come to your bed if they wake....enjoy that little one.. its a time that i miss..

oh and funny thing.. one morning while snuggling in bed with my youngest boy ( he was about 4 at the time.. in his own bed by now but still comming to ours in the night now and then) he says to me all reminicent like

"mum do you remember when i used to get milk out of those mountains!!!" i almost died laughing

Angie - posted on 11/03/2010

46

20

1

Have you given any thought to not pushing this on him? Our daughter has a bed in her room and our room, she turned three two weeks ago. She suffers no instability, insecurity, or night terrors (or even disturbing dreams that we have ever been made aware of).



The flip side... we share our room. BUT, the benefits of being so aware of her in my sleep, cannot be matched. She went to a toddler bed about 15 months, started needing food in the middle of the night around 18 months (lasted for about 6 weeks), and then shortly after 20 months we went from the toddler bed (which had become small enough that it was narrower than her arm span) to a normal twin mattress, on the floor, next to my side of the bed. (She naps during the day in her own bed, in her own room.)



We have no bedtime struggles (unless she wants to keep playing with something, but none of the typical hysterics or concerns so many parents have - like the protest cries). AND - I have no fears of her feeling abandoned, left alone, or feeling insecure in the least.



My daughter is just three, but very communicative, has been out of diapers for over a year, and is treated with high regard and respect. She was born at home, breastfed, and self weaned (another aspect of the co-sleeping necessity). She is independent and very socially flexible. She plays with others and on her own, and she's beginning to read... so the myths that co-sleeping is detrimental and stunts development are completely ludicrous.



Anyway, it is how we have chosen to exist. She'll decide when she's ready to sleep in her bed in her own room all night when she decides to - just like when she decided she was done breastfeeding. I have already seen signs of it beginning. She knows she holds the key to the decision, and we are not pressuring her. She will choose to sleep with us in our room, or in another room when she is ready. I suspect it will occur in the next four to eight months, as her independence is increasing daily by recognizable steps (something that hasn't been readily observed before now).



Our country is one of the very few, if not only, who prescribe to isolation and abandonment as a form of "baby training". Our ideas that babies and toddlers need to be brave enough to fend for themselves and handle being alone all night really goes against nature, and our instinct if we pay attention. I hope that some day soon, the dumb advise that was so prolifically populated in the previous few generations of selfish adults will disappear and be replaced with compassion and education - all for the ultimate benefit of child first and parent/family second.



Just my two cents.



Cheers!

Debbie - posted on 11/03/2010

11

20

0

I think that the first step is making sure that you have a firm routine that you do every night before betime. All of us have a certain way we like to lay including whether we lay on our side, stomach or back. The covers have to be just right. We have physical and emotional cues that tell us that it is time to start the sleep cycle. When a child sleeps with parents, their sleep cycle cues then change and are tied in with those cues. When transferring to a new location, I think that the first step is to look and see exactly what position the child is in when going to sleep in bed with the parents. If the child is lying with his/her back against a parent, you will want to have something in the new bed to place the child's back against. If the child likes a certain feel of the sheets, then get a piece of similar material for the child to hold. Do the some routine every night...for example: bathroom, bath, brushing teeth, reading a book, saying a prayer or singing a song or rocking with mom or dad...then put the child into bed in the same manner each night. The routine becomes part of the sleeping cues that the child's brain is waiting for. Sometimes it works to lay be the child in the bed or by the bed at first. Each time the child comes into bed with the parent, then in a comforting way you take them back into the other bed. At first, the trips to the bed might be several times. But as the child's brain learns a new sleep cycle cues (in bed alone), then the number of trips decrease. With every mom that I have helped with this problem, the system always works if the parent does the routine consistently. I do not believe in putting the child in the bed and letting them cry themselves to sleep. I believe that it teaches the child to dread bedtime and to feel abandoned and alone. Instead, the process should be loving and full of surprises and rewards as the child is more and more successfully. The child feels safe, warm and loved in the parent's bed. You want to transfer that feel to the new bed and yet maintain that same loving relationship. I hope my ideas help. Good luck. The process does work. I helped a mom whose child was four and they had tried everything. Within a month, the child was sleeping totally alone. It does work.

Helen - posted on 11/03/2010

5

5

0

I don't have a good answer for you. My son was very stubborn and would cry endlessly when we tried to get him to sleep in his room. It wasn't until he was 7 years old when he finally "moved". Looking back, I wouldn't have done it any different. In fact, I regret letting him cry endlessly when we were trying to "wean" him from our bed. I believe his voice box was hurt by it and his voice is hoarse and crackling.

[deleted account]

Melanie, co-sleeping is just a way of saying that some of us allow (and enjoy) our kids sleeping in the bed with us. It's just a term, just like breast feeding or bottle feeding or any of the other hundreds of terms used in relation to child rearing. And you're right, there are a lot of titles, but for the sake of talking about our lives, having the terms sometimes makes it easier. You can say "co-sleep" instead of explaining in detail what that means. A harmless term. I agree with what you said about taking some advice and throwing some of the advice out the window. I also agree that as mothers, we have to follow our guts when it comes to how we parent our children. For some, this means putting their babies to sleep in their own rooms. And for some, this means allowing them to sleep with us. It's just a matter of personal choice and what works best for each individual family.

Katie, you're right. We need to start another thread. I'm off to do that now lol

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms