how to heal over my son death

Maureen - posted on 10/08/2012

Hello, i lost my son 3 weeks ago he was 41 i know he was in so much pain and had been ill for so long, he died in my arms but i cant except he has gone i cry myself to sleep and wake crying people say it will get easier i just want him back.

I miss him so much he was a big part of my life saw him every day i am so lost.

Mary - posted on 10/05/2012

Hi Fatima, I am really sorry for your loss. I can say i know what you are going through because I also lost my 10 month old son on January 25th 2012. it is not easy, you will never forget him and every day will be a reminder of him. but one thing i would like to share with you that has helped me through is knowing that you did everything as the best mom he could ever have and that what happened was not your fault or anybody's. everytime you sit and remember him, choose to remember the best moments you had with him and not that fateful day. because if i died today, God forbid, i would want my loved ones to remember the good times we had and know that i want them to move one and be happy. Trust that that is what your son wants you to do and if not for anything else, do it for him. If you need help please know i am here to help. my email address is mariamchege@gmail.com. feel free to email me at any time. I will keep you in my prayers.

Charmaine - posted on 08/15/2012

Hi, I lost my 16 year old son 1 month ago to drowning. Just when I thought it was beginning to get easier it is not. I hear all that people around me have said but it just can't take away the hurt. I have moments when I just cry and cry. I stumbled on this site as I am trying to connect with people who have gone through what I am going through now. My son meant so much to me as he was my miracle baby and we shared a unique kind of bond. I feel so empty at times but have to stay strong for my older daughter who is having a hard time with this also. She returned to work yesterday so I am all alone during the day now. I don't wish this on anyone and I can now relate to others who have lost children suddenly. I have been going to counselling but my heart still hurts, I look forward to hearing from anyone who can be of some help to me.

Tonya - posted on 07/22/2012

I am so sorry!!!!!! It will just take time. I lost my brother some time ago and someone told me the same thing. I thought it would never happen, but eventually it does get easier. Hold the precious memories close to your heart and talk about him.
God Bless

Audra - posted on 04/20/2012

I don't know if you attend church and which...I believe that you and your sweet baby will be reunited as mother and son. This separation is only for a short time, and he's actually closer than you realize. Faith and attending church can bring peace and comfort, and give you much to look forward to.

Marlie - posted on 04/20/2012

I am so sorry for your lost Fatima. I can only imagine. Please try and seek professional help and welcome family and friends who are trying to stand by you thru this hard time. You need support and love of family and friends. I am so verry sorry. Know that your little angel is up there and is also sending you strenght that you will need to go thru this.

Ronda - posted on 03/26/2012

~hug~ I will continue to pray for you Fatima!

Fatima - posted on 03/26/2012

As time passes it still hurts not having ADAM here I look at his pictures and I talk to him every morning and night and tell him I love him and miss him and he will always being my heart. I honestly think talking to him makes me feel good and happy. Also I pray to our lord and I told um god with open arms I give you my son you took him from me to be by your side and I thank you it hurts but you have your reasons. I just wanna thank you all for hour love and support. You guys have giving some happiness to my heart knowing theirs people out who still care. Thank you

BONNIE - posted on 03/22/2012

Dear girl, your loss is so recent no one can expect you to heal yeat My best advice for you is to find a Grief Recovery Group (many hospitals and churches have them as well as community services. You will be able to share your feelings with others who are on this journey with you. I understand thatthere are groups of parents who have lost a child to SIDS in many communities. If you cannot find one on your own, contact your clergyman, hospital information office or even a phycologist listed in the phone book for a recommendation. And it is essential that your husband and you go together. He is hurting as much as you are but most men find it difficult to give in and show how much pain they feel. I have had friends who have gone through this and all of them have said that these groups were very helpful. It takes someone who has walked this path to truly understand how you feel. Good luck to you and know that your baby really IS with God and that you will see your son again. And don't be afraid to cry or talk about what you are going through. We all grieve differently and there is no set amount of time that it takes to work through it all.

.

Angela - posted on 03/22/2012

Just be strong. Time is a healer.

Ronda - posted on 03/21/2012

Part of you probably doesn't even want to heal, because to do so would feel like your abandoning your baby, that is not true though! ~hug~ Your baby is in Heaven!! God loves you!! He loves your baby and you may not ever know the reason your baby died. It could be that your baby had a very bad illness that would have caused much suffering, but God decided to take him sooner rather than later with a lot of suffering. You may never know....what is to be done now is to trust God. Trust God with your hurt, your anger, your questions. Give it to Him and REST! Play worship music, seek advice of a pastor or psychologist if you wish but really, the only way is to "Casting the [a]whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, [b]once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you [c]watchfully." 1 Peter 5:7 and also remember the promise that "Jesus Christ (the Messiah) is [always] the same, yesterday, today, [yes] and forever (to the ages)." Hebrews 13:8 Because of this promise your baby is in Heaven waiting for you. Believe on Jesus Christ and He will change your heart, forgive your sins, and bring you peace, and a new life, and HOPE.

Missy - posted on 03/21/2012

My heart is with you and your family. I've been where you are and some days I'm there still. My daughter passed away and we still don't know why. Healing is a never ending process. Don't push yourself. If you bury the pain and try to "move on" too soon it will only come back at the worst possible times in you life. There will be days when it feels like the pain lessens and there will be days when it feels like your heart is being ripped from your chest all over again. There is no quick cure, and there is no shame in needing help or even medication at some point. If you have other children treasure them and remember how quickly they can be taken from you. If you don't have other children then look forward to the prospect of a rainbow baby.

I know that people around you will get tired of you talking about your baby. Don't let them stop you from doing just that. You have every right to remember your child and you have every right to talk about your child. Don't hide your child and his death from your other children, they feel the loss too. Cling to your husband and talk about your pain with him, and allow him to talk about his pain, but don't expect him to talk out his pain. Men don't always do this.

Decide on something to do to remember your child each year as his birthday, and angelversary come up.

There is never going to be an explanation good enough to explain why your child passed away, but you can decide how and when you want to "move forward"; but understand that there will most likely be some parts of you that may never move on. Parts of your heart and soul that will forever be stuck in those first moments when you realized that your child had passed away. You will relive the days and hours before your child's death, this is OK- this is normal. Be gentile with yourself because this is by far the hardest thing you could ever go threw.

Don't be surprised if your friends pull away from you. You are now the embodiment of some of their greatest fears and they are generally not prepared to look that fear in the face and see the depth of your pain looking out at them.

Remember always that your child is close by, as is our Lord Jesus, to help comfort you in your darkest moments. Nothing can take away the pain, but maybe if your lucky you can find others to help and in helping them you help yourself heal.

Hugs. My prayers are with you.

Vickie - posted on 03/21/2012

Grief is a process that you won't be done with for a while. Most people can get through the worst in 3-6 months but it can also take over a year. Everyone is different, so don't let anyone say - "it's been 3 months, get over it." There are stages you go through and confusion about the cause of death has probably left you near the beginning. You may never really understand what happened to your son. Sometimes we have to learn to accept the tension of the mysterious. Crib death is one of those causes we haven't figured out yet. Three week olds are still very fragile and they can 'forget' to breathe, have sleep disorders, or just a stuffy nose they don't know what to do about. For the most part you just have to let grief run it's course. If you are getting really stuck in depression you need to find a counselor to help you. Talking to people is good. A traumatic stress of any kind is helped by reprocessing it over and over out loud. It helps you accept the reality, cry and grieve. There are books and support groups that also help a lot. Depending on where you live there may even be support groups for parents who lost young children. These really help the most because you make friends with others who are going through the same kind of loss. By 3 months it is good to have routines, some structured activity in your life to help you move and function more like normal. Just realize and tell others when needed that you have bad days when your emotions make it tough. Let yourself have extra time then, but don't let it fall into every day. I hope you can find strength in your spiritual faith. There are bad things that can happen to anyone. If God allowed this, He will also help you with His loving presence to get through it and love life again. It doesn't bring your son back, but it helps you grow into someone who can help the next person. And don't let the Devil pound you with doubts about yourself, that is a tactic to keep your family in strife and confusion. Blessings and love to you, Vickie

Kathy - posted on 03/21/2012

Hi Fatima, I am so sorry for your loss. I do not know what to tell you. I have not lost a child but I lost my Mom to cancer 2 years ago this April. In time it will get easier. Its still early days for you. What I did that really helped was to break a bunch of plates. Hard stone wear plates. It got a lot of anger I had in me out. Loss is just painful. Trust me it gets easier. You will never get over it. Anyone who tells you that is not being honest. It gets easier. I cant stress that enough. May the Lord be with you now and take you through the grief.



Kathy

Holly - posted on 03/21/2012

Fatima I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing can ever describe the love and bond that you build with a child while still in the womb and to have that taken so quickly just breaks my heart for you. I hope in time that you will find peace in your heart and that GOD will be beside you through your journey. May GOD BLESS you honey....

Janessa - posted on 03/20/2012

Yes God has his reasons, but he is also the key to helping you to heal. He knows your pain, and will help you get through the grief. Tell him in your prayers how much you hurt, and ask him to help you find peace. It is okay to grieve. The scar may always be there, but he will help you through the pain. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your arms feel the emptiness of them. I pray you will be able to find healing and peace.

Tina - posted on 03/20/2012

I think you're doing well under the circumstances and your family and your well being are your priority that always good.

Sarah Glenn - posted on 03/20/2012

Fatima, i lost my best friend and father 1 and a half years ago. losing a baby is beyond my imagination. i think that you need to speak to a therapist so that you have an objective listener. everyone loses a parent or sibling at some point, but losing an infant is a different territory for most people. You may be judging things you are thinking or feeling and may be afraid to voice these to friends and family but an objective listener will remind you that your thoughts are normal and you will feel safe voicing them. i so feel for you. although there may be a small or large scar, time does heal everything.

Bridget - posted on 03/20/2012

Fatima, I lost my son at 20 weeks. What helped me was going to a counselor and talking about it. I will never forget him, Cooper is his name. I didn't think I could go on, I felt like it was some sort of cruel joke. But I knew I had to be strong for the one child I had, and he needed me. I went thru a bout of depression and the counseling really helped me realize that it wasn't my fault. I have found peace, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. Grieving will help you heal, and help you move forward. Thinking of you!

Valerie - posted on 03/20/2012

My son passed away almost 6 yrs ago and I can tell you from experience...that my family still hasn't completely healed. There is a part of you that is missing so it will feel like you are not healed. You only learn to deal with it as time goes by. Just know that God has his hands on you. Celebrate his new life and know that you will see him again. Write your son a letter expressing how you feel. Take your time and grieve don't rush it.

Joanna - posted on 03/20/2012

I am so sorry for your loss. I think people find it hard to help at times like this because there really is nothing that will take away your pain, so people offer words hoping it will bring some solace to you. I never liked thinking God took a child to be an angel. A little better was when people said that something worse could have been in store for that child and they were spared, but truly nothing brings the comfort you seek. Time is about the only thing that heals and the wound will never completely heal, just not be so open and raw as it is now. It sounds almost cruel to say that, but as time passes the pain will get better. Having another child can help many people fill the void and speed healing. For others it is too painful to have another child right away. If your heart yearns for another baby tho, it will probably help more than anything to go ahead and start trying for another. But a new baby, should you be so blessed, will never fill up Adams place in your heart. He will always be special and nothing will change that. Sometimes memorials can help, making something especially for him or to hold his place in the family. Eventually you will let go of some of the pain but for now try to find ways to ease it. Making him a quilt or knitting a blanket with his name sewn in, making a picture album or writing him a letter. Or any number of things you can think of or a combination of them. Sometimes taking that action can help. Blessings!

Rebecca - posted on 03/20/2012

Fatima I'm so sorry for your loss, but you have to know that God is not the one to blame for Adams death. Death is somthing that we can't control and "it" somthing that happens daily. The only thing I can say is that there is hope for you and your family and all of us too. We just have to want to learn about who god is. Prayer has helped me to draw close to god and to get me through the most toughest of times. God is there for you and I hope that you can find comfort in relying on him. I hope that you could use this advice, I could only imagine how hard it is for you to go through this.

Kristi - posted on 03/20/2012

I am also so sorry for your loss. Finding people to help you and to talk to is key. He was very special to your family and important. Don't let the stupid things people say bother you. I think sometimes silent times or not knowing what to say makes many people nervous and they start running at the mouth. We have lost 5 babies, I think I have heard it all. Hold on to your faith... God heals the hurt, not that I don't think about my babies. Just not as sad. Also- grieving takes time.. as long as it take you...not what some book says. Try to keep yourself healthy and stay connected with others, try not to pull away.

Eileen - posted on 03/20/2012

hello my name is eileen i am sorry to hear about the loss of your baby i will say some prays and hope god will keep you on a faith path to healing

Elaine - posted on 03/20/2012

Talk about it...Talk about Adam...don't let anyone pretend it's better for you to not speak his name...He was and is a part of you for the rest of your life! my daughter Natalia died when she was 29 days old...to this day I think of her OUT LOUD...my other children know about her and talk about her too...my baby died in 1989...the wound on my heart is as fresh as it was the moment she left my arms...so talk about your Adam, talk about your lost dreams for him, your lost memories of him...all the things you hoped and wished for him...find someone who can listen to you with out ever telling you it's time to 'put this behind you and move on'...every one grieves their own way and for ever long they need to...some times forever...those who have not lost a child will never know your loss...moms who's children have died in different ways or different ages will never know what you're going through...your beautiful son was alive and loved for 3 entire weeks...you have the right to cry, to be upset and to say why me...there are wonderful support groups out there for infant loss...granted I never found one (I live in the middle of no where) but what you need is to grieve, talk, and just think about your life now...you'll have a little ache in your heart forever...some times it will be a twinge...sometimes a massive charlie horse...it is OK to cry! we'll all cry with you...Massive hugs Fatima!

~Elaine - mom to 2 adult young ladies and one HLHS angel

Kamila - posted on 03/20/2012

Dear Fatima,

I lost my baby too before i could see her open her eyes. And the only solace i took was in an email a friend sent to me and every time i would think about my loss, my thoughts would go back to the consoling words of my very dear friend. She had picked up this from the time of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH):

So he [Abu Talhah, r.a.] married her [Um Sulaym, r.a.], and she was a woman with nice eyes, rather small. She was with him until she bore him a son, who Abu Talhah loved very much. The child became very ill, and Abu Talhah was very upset and distressed by the child’s sickness. Abu Talhah used to get up to pray the morning prayer, he would go to the Prophet and pray with him, and would stay with him for almost half the day. Then [Abu Talhah] would come to take a nap and eat, and when he had prayed Zuhr [mid-day prayer] he would get ready and leave, and would not come back until the time of the ‘Isha’ [night-time] prayer.



One evening, Abu Talhah went out to see the Prophet (according to another report: to go to the mosque), and the child died (during his absence).



Um Sulaym said, “No one is to tell Abu Talhah about his child’s death until I have told him.” She covered the child up as if he were sleeping, and left him in a corner of the house. Abu Talhah came back from visiting the Messenger of Allah , and brought some people from the mosque with him. He asked, “How is my son?” She said, “O Abu Talhah, from the time he fell sick, he has never been as calm as he is now, and I hope that he is resting.” (She spoke vaguely so as not to upset him; this was not a lie. She was referring to the calmness of death and the child finding relief from the pain of his sickness, but her husband took it to mean that the child’s condition had improved). She brought the meal and they all ate dinner, then the people left.



Then he went to bed and lay down, and she got up and put on perfume and adorned herself, making herself more beautiful than she ever had before. (This was a sign of her patience and great faith in the will and decree of Allaah. She was seeking reward from Allah and concealing her feelings, hoping that she would become pregnant that night to make up for the loss of her child). Then she came and lay down in the bed with him, and when he smelt the perfume, he did as men usually do with their wives (this is the narrator’s polite and circumspect manner of referring to what happened between them).



At the end of the night, she said, “O Abu Talhah, do you think that if some people lent something to some others, then they asked for it back, do they have the right not to give it back?” He said, “No.” She said, “Allaah, may He be glorified, lent your son to you, and now He has taken him back, so seek reward with Him and have patience.” He became angry and said, “You left me until I did what I did (i.e., had intercourse), then you tell me that my son has died!” Then he said, “Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon (Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return – the words uttered by Muslims when faced with news of death or calamity) and he praised Allaah. In the morning, he did ghusl (full ablution) then he went to the Messenger of Allah and prayed with him, and told him what had happened. The Messenger of Allaah (saaws) said, “May Allaah bless you for last night.” She conceived a child (thus the Prophet’s prayer for them was answered).

Kasandra - posted on 03/19/2012

http://facebook.com/kimberlynnsmommy, my sister's daughter died of SIDS in November 2009, she was almost 5 months old. feel free to find her on facebook!

Audra - posted on 03/19/2012

Your baby is in a beautiful place, and you will see him again. There will still be pain because you love him, and miss him. You are not alone. It's amazing how women can come together to support and strengthen one another---find a local group of women who will understand what you are going through. Make yourself get out of the house at least twice a week to enjoy some fresh air, even if you don't know what you're going to do, and ESPECIALLY if you don't feel like it. Start a journal. The process of putting words to how you feel, and what's happening in your life will be valuable to you. You'll also be able to look back on past entries and see how you've grown and healed. Don't forget to list 3 things you're grateful for each day in your journal. You are strong enough to endure this trial, and it can change you for good. You will be in a special position to empathize with other mothers who experience this, and you may be able to bring about awareness for crib death. I haven't met you, but as a mother and a woman, I love you. I hope you will find peace in this difficult time.

Ellen R - posted on 03/19/2012

I know what you are going thru,im a mom of 4 children and i lost our baby boy a long time ago,I do 3 daughters and one son but the pain gets easier in time . You will go thru periods of guilt and you will think of him always . You do heal in time and my husband and family were there for me . Robert died on the weekend of the Kennedy assination.MY children were born 1957,1960 ,1961 and the my son,JIM was born in may of 1961. When things get so bad just pray to Adam and always talk to someone ,do not keep things to yourself..Counselling does help . GOD bless you. Ellen

Crystal - posted on 03/19/2012

Hi Fatima,

I to lost my first born son at three (3) weeks of age almost thriteen (13) years ago from crib death. There has not been a day in the past thirteen years that goes by that I dont think about him. There will be a lot of ups and downs and a lot of you asking yourself why me. The only answer I have come up with is that god needed him for a bigger purpose and it took a long time to come to terms with that answer, but just know that it will get easier day by day and as long as you have a good support system around you and someone to talk to about how you are feeling whether good or bad things will be ok. Always hold him close to your heart and in time when you think about your son you will always smile because you know that he is in a good place and he is happy and healthy and he is looking down on you and smiling to. That is how I get through my days. It has been thriteen yrs and I still hold him close to my heart and I talk about him to his brothers so that when they grow up the know that they to have an angel looking out for them. I am truly sorry for your loss and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Just remember one day ata time.

From: Crystal Kidd

Nondumiso - posted on 03/19/2012

My heart goes out to each and evry parent who has lost a child/children. I have 2 girls, a 9 year old and a 1 year old. I am nothing without them, i wouldn't know how to cope if i were to face a similar situation. may God hold you in his arms and comfort you at all times. you will foever be in my prayers.

Danielle - posted on 03/18/2012

It has only been 2 months since your loss, don't push yourself too hard. Give yourself time to grieve, time to heal. You will never get over this, it will remain a part of you, but in time you will learn to accept the pain. Find a support group, talk and talk and talk. Don't be afraid to talk about him, as if you become comfortable talking about him, other people will talk with you about him. I watched my best friend suffer the loss of her daughter at 3 months old, and I promise you i can still see her pain, 5 years on. Her support group has been such a lifesaver for her, I don't know where she would be without the help of others who have lost.

Erine - posted on 03/18/2012

Fatima, it breaks my heart that this happened to you, your family, and your little boy. My words of advice are to find a grief support group and go to it no matter how much it hurts at first or that you don't want to talk about it. I was in a group after two very close friends died very close in time and it was very unexpected. I thought I could deal with it and did not search out the help at the time. A year later I was struggling with many things in my life and finally went to counseling and then on my counselor's recommendation to ta grief support group. At first all I did was listen but eventually talked about my feelings and was able to take advice from all the people in the group and the counselor to put my grief aside and live. My situation was not losing a child but very close friends. I cannot begin to imagine your grief, but I do urge you to reach out and find a group. If you are a Kaiser member they have groups at their mental health clinics. If you are not Kaiser, ask your provider and your family physician if they can recommend someone in your area. Their may even be groups that are going through your hospital.

Ana - posted on 03/18/2012

march 18 2000 we also lost a very young baby in our family to crib death he was just 28 days old. our healing still continues, there is no words that anyone can say to soothe the sudden loss of such a young innocent life, we had such a little amount of time to bond with the child, however the short time he was with us was very presious. we have a picture of him mounted on the wall with the obit we chose. his picture sits surrounded by all the family pictures so to include him in our family memories. this helps us as we talk about him frequently, and choose to believe that he was taken from us for a purpose much greater then life on earth as we know it

Alleyne - posted on 03/18/2012

Post a reply!While that is true, you need a support group. I lost my daughter 5 years ago. The only thing that helped was a support group with people who lost children as we ill. There is also a Breaved mothers and fathers website. This is good too!

Sam - posted on 03/18/2012

Have you read heaven is for real? It may help you to know that he is in heaven and you can count on seeing him again someday,

Hanna - posted on 03/18/2012

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my baby 2 years ago. He was stillborn at 32 weeks because of a knot in his umbillical cord. Time does make you more numb, but nothing in this life will make it all better for you. I found that service to other people in need was a good healing tool. When you focus on helping others both of you are blessed.

Susan - posted on 03/18/2012

My son died 34 years ago and i still think of him daily. At his funeral a lady told me this....It does not get better but it does get easier. Now at the age of 58 i also had a granddaughter who passed away as an infant. I am no longer afraid of death. CHAD AND RYLEE will be waiting foe ne. Your child is watching over you. Take one day at a time.

Shantia' - posted on 03/17/2012

Hi,



I'm sorry for your loss. What I can tell you from experience of losing a loved one is that its really difficult, but there is hope! As someone told me, truthfully, you will never get over it, but as time progress, it will get easier to cope/live with. I would like to encourage you to look to God for strength and healing. He understands it better than any one. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

GOKSEL - posted on 03/17/2012

So sorry to hear about your baby , i felt really bad about your angel ,losing someone is hard but losing your child must be harder ,i see on the picture you have 2 more kids ,tried to spend more time with them ,go out get air ,pray for your angel , just time helps little bit .Wish you the best.

Alexandra - posted on 03/17/2012

I am so sorry for your loss. I would speak to a councelor that is used to deal with people in your situation. I think that would help a lot.

And hang in there ok?

Loretta - posted on 03/17/2012

Honey, my little brother died of crib death when he was 6 weeks old. Mom never really got over it. I pray you have pictures. the only picture my mom had was him dead. If you have pictures put them up and when you look at him know that he is watching over you. My little brother would have been mentally handicapped and mom had 3 little girls already. She had two more chirldren after that. My little sister saved my moms life. She was born 11 months after my little brother died. Honey having another baby really helps. YOur arms wont be empty. I hope this helps you honey. Sometimes God spares us traggidy.You dont know what would have happened to him as he grew up. It could have been something horrible that God forsaw and spared you even worse pain. You never know sweetheart. Just know it was part of Gods plan. Have another baby if it is your desire honey. Love you and God bless. You have someone in heaven that will always be watching over you!!!

Tiffany - posted on 03/17/2012

Fatima, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine the pain you must feel. I have never lost a child so I won't pretend to understand. However, I know the only one who can heal you. His name is Jesus Christ. Well intentioned people will tell you that God did this or that but only good and perfect gifts come from the heavenly father. God did not take your child. He is the one who gave him to you. All sickness and death comes from satan. He is the one who comes to kill, steal, and destroy. And we are all subject to these things because we live in fleshly bodies in a fallen world. So this isn't even about God knowing what he is doing. But God loves that child add much as you do and he loves you. Seek his face and watch him cover you with a grace and peace that you and the ones around you won't even be able to understand. But also know that grief is ok. It is natural and healthy. Allow yourself to grieve that precious gift and try to be thankful for the time you were allowed with him. You will never forget, but God can and will heal your heart if you slow him.

Donna - posted on 03/17/2012

I'm sorry for your loss. My first baby was full term still birth. My third child, also a son, died of accidental drowning at age 26. We who have lost a child never "get over" the death of that child. We learn to cope. After the death of my adult son a friend of a friend who also suffered the loss of an adult son, introduced me to The Compassionate Friends. This is a group of parents and grandparents who have experienced this loss. We meet once a month and, in addition to the meeting (where we share our stories and, sometimes, our memories--which is very healing) there are people who are part of the group that are available 24/7 by phone who will be glad to talk with you. They also keep a list of community resources for grief counseling. A typical meeting will include a short program on an important topic, usually by a guest presenter who is often a grief counselor; some of the presenters have also lost children.

Well meaning people do not understand what words help and what words don't because they have not been there. God doesn't take babies because he needs more angels. Babies die because they are human beings who can experience death, just like any other human being, from many of the same causes or causes unique to infants. Living with grief is not easy and it takes a lot of energy--take care of yourself, rest, eat well, exercise, go about your days doing something constructive, even if it means just dusting, and get a notebook or a journal and write a little something in it each day. One of the ways I could tell I was getting better was that the pages I wrote on didn't have so many tears and, eventually, none at all. The journal can be a good friend and in it you can write all the dear little things you remember about your child. I have journal entries from both of my son's deaths and I find them very precious because I forgot some things and having them written down, I have a record of them and of my grief journey with them. Prayers. You can Google The Compassionate Friends. Look for the general one (national). You can find the nearest group to you as well as resources for the grieving parent. Oh, and you don't mention the father. Men grieve differently than women and The Compassionate Friends has resources on that as well.

Connie - posted on 03/17/2012

Fatima, I am so sorry for your loss. In 1993 our precious Jack was stillborn at 4 days over due. We were devastated. Give yourself time, counseling and allow yourself to grieve. I still, almost 19 years later, feel his spirit with me. Give yourself permission to cry and laugh. You and your husband are the two people that loved Adam the most, share this time together. This will help both of you in the long term. There is no easy answer just time. Do not hesitate to see your Dr for additional help. Your body is still going through hormonal changes and extreme emotion. I hope this helps. You and your family our in our thoughts and prayers.



Connie

Alecia - posted on 03/16/2012

Oh Fatima, I am so sorry you are feeling this deep pain. I believe that each baby soul that is born has its own "mission" and perhaps this baby felt it was needed elsewhere. I know this cannot heal the pain you are feeling, but just know that, perhaps, he is fulfilling a purpose in another place than you cannot understand. Try to ask God if he/it is sending any information on why your baby needed to leave. Sometimes you will get an answer. I don't know you but I feel very deeply for you and your pain...



alecia

Cebi - posted on 03/16/2012

Hi Fatima! Am really sorry for your loss. I lost my boy at 4 months June 2011 due to liver fibrosis. One thing you have to know is that people dont really know what to say, they want to console you but at the same time they say things that might be sensitive to you. I was lucky I took 2 of my friends with to the Organisation called the COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS, that really helped a lot, they knew how to treat me when am in that space of grief, they have no expectation that by now I should have healed. I am still counting my sons age up to today, I remember his birthday and I sometimes cry when I feel like. It has not stopped me to continue with my life but am okay with the grief am not looking for closure. Get support from your closest people and also remember your griving process might be totally different from that of your patner, u also need not have expectations when it come to how he deals with the loss.



Prayer and Meditation helps!

Samantha - posted on 03/16/2012

Hi My name is Samantha. My son Samuel passed away when he was born he lived for 21 minuets. We found out about his brain condition when I was 18 weeks pregnant. My OB introduced me to a group called the M.I.S.S. foundation. they were a huge help when my son passed away. So I would suggest getting in touch with somebody from there. There are alot of support groups. I just write down my thoughts and confide in my family and friends. I still feel the pain of losing him and blame myself and being a mom i don't think that will ever go away. And I'm not saying its your fault cause I don't think that at all. My son would be 2 this April and I get that reminder that he's not here anymore. but I always tell myself that he's in a better place.

Carol Ann - posted on 03/16/2012

Oh Fatima my heart goes out to you. Time heals all wounds....try and find peace and understanding...there are reasons for everything, you will meet him again but it will be in another place in time the universe is infinite....Peace and Love.....I will send some love and comfort your way....

Elizabeth - posted on 03/16/2012

Fatima, I am so sorry for your loss! My sis lost her little girl at 2 weeks, due to a heart problem. She found some good online support groups that helped, www.agoodgrief.org (I think) is one. She found a bunch of blogs of other moms who have also lost children. Her daughter would be 3 if she were still here. On her birthday they make a birthday cake and celebrate her birth. She has two girls that miss their sister, so it's good for them to acknowledge her. They also release balloons, some with messages on her "heaven day." I know your empty arms are aching for your son, and I wish there was something that anyone could say to help you. Just know that you are loved.