How to help a month old baby stop crying and not getting use to be held all the time?

Alexis - posted on 08/16/2012 ( 103 moms have responded )

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My baby girl is almost 1 month old and she seems to cry a lot, it's like she always wants to be held, I need help and tips on what to do. I don't want her to be use to being held all the time and love for her to go to sleep on her own is that possible?

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Dove - posted on 08/17/2012

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Let a ONE month old 'cry it out?' :( She's SUPPOSED to be learning that Mommy will hold her when she needs to be held. Emotional needs are just as real and just as important as physical needs.

Sally - posted on 08/17/2012

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Until fairly recently, a baby who was not in constant physical contact with it's mom would die very quickly. Several millennia of species survival traits don't sit down and shut up because a few decades of social conditioning think they should. You just want some free time, but she thinks she has been abandoned and will die. That's why she cries when you put her down. Her cries drive you up the wall because your mommy hormones are also operating on survival traits instead of social conditioning and you want to keep your child alive.
If you get a comfy carrier, she'll get the contact she needs and you'll still have hands to get things done. We liked a Moby until ours was big enough to hold up her own head and the a sling. I still occasionally put my almost three year old into a back pack if she needs mama time while I'm busy.
Good luck

Julianne - posted on 08/17/2012

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Letting a child cry it out increases the amount of cortisol(stress hormone) in their brain and drastically changes the way it develops. It causes anxiety, depression, and other mental illness. The least damage it will do is cause the child to be stressed out as an adult. The worst case scenario will be brain damage. Before anyone says "well my mother did it to me and Im fine" "my kids are happy and I did it" etc. That DOES NOT mean anything on a large scale. You're fine, your kids are fine because you are lucky. Science backs that it is indeed extremely dangerous.

Mariah - posted on 08/17/2012

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You can not spoil an infant.



You can not hold an infant too much.



Need your hands free? Wear your baby in a sling or wrap, wear her as much as you can.



Want her to sleep better? Co-sleep or use a bedside co-sleeper.



You will find that the more you hold & comfort her now, she will learn that she can trust you to be there for her even if you're not right by her side. It will result in her being more independent and self-soothing later on.



**I wore my daughter constantly and co-slept until she was 6 mo old. She was sleeping 10hr a night by month 2.

Cindy - posted on 08/21/2012

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NO! At one month old I feel your expectations are extremely unrealistic. She has just emerged from your womb, just the cold air and light are enough to make her feel freaked out. Swaddle her tight, it makes her feel more secure, and hold her close to your heart beat and give her a chance to adapt to the world outside. I know that you are sleep deprived and don't get to shower more than once a week. Get used to it. It will pass. Its part of what us a part of a special club - mothers. Get as much help as you can afford. Help with the house work etc, but do not compromise her needs for your own. It is but a short season. And for heavens sake, sleep when she sleeps regardless of what your husband thinks he needs or the state of the house.

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Melisa - posted on 08/27/2012

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give her a soothing bath it might or she could have wind grip water works well i have 4 kids thety were all different sometimes i know its hard but just let her cry or try a dummy i hate them but it settles them sometimes!

Angela - posted on 08/22/2012

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hi alexis sounds like she could have wind. if you are that worried you have commented on her go to your baby clinic talk to your health visitor i would not fall into the trap of putting her in your bed or constantly holding her as you will have more probs sound like baby is asking for some think good luck it does get easyer x

Bekki - posted on 08/22/2012

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What has sugar got to do with anything. When I was preggas I craved custard and cake all the time and ate it! My babies fine.

Bekki - posted on 08/22/2012

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I don't believe babies cry for no reason. If she doesn't stop crying when you hold her it is definately a tummy pain or reflux or something. One month old babies can't be held too much. Hold her and make her feel safe as much as she needs. And just a tip incase Bubs did have reflux. A Chiro got rid of my Bubs silent reflux in two sessions and she had it bad!

Niba - posted on 08/22/2012

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everything in life is partice made perfect, may be this baby has be giving the habit of carring her always. so the mother should try to leave the baby for a short and let her cry she we not die. once the baby is asleep the mother should put her on the bed immediately.

Juliet - posted on 08/21/2012

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All she needs is for you to hold her.She's not trying to manipulate you.Trust me,when she gets older,she'll learn to be on her own.It must be colic and u holding her soothes her so please keep holding her

Chime - posted on 08/21/2012

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Just hold her and try to sing a song. It will distract her from crying and i used to do that when my baby cries.I have 2 kid boy 4 years and baby girls 1 year old.

Chime - posted on 08/21/2012

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Just hold her and try to sing a song. It will distract her from crying and i used to do that when my baby cries.I have 2 kid boy 4 years and baby girls 1 year old.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/21/2012

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My son started crying a lot around one week old. We thought he had colic. A friend suggested that I stopped eating dairy because we breast feed & I thought there's no way! I love yogurt & bagels with cream cheese! It must be colic. After two months, my Dr. also suggested I cut out dairy. I did & within days I had a new happy baby boy!! He is now twenty-one months old & he has severe dairy & egg allergies. I hope your baby gets better! Stay strong, Sista!! You're doing great. I'm sure because you're asking for advice:) One more thing, hold that baby as much as possible:) ♥ & light!!

Cindy - posted on 08/21/2012

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I agree with what most of the moms above have said. Infants do not have WANTS they only have NEEDS. Give her what she needs at this point, time go so fast. That very special bond of mother and completley vunerable baby passes so quickly even through sleep deprevation makes it feel like forever. My first child, a boy, cried..no screemed constantly, no matter what I did. He slept in our bed and still woke 4 or 5 times a night crying. I stopped breast feeding at 3 months because I thought maby something I was eating was affecting him. At 5 months we discovered he was lactose intolerant. Changing formulas helped a whole lot.
Something else to consider: How was your labour and delivery? Mine was awful and after 39 hours resulted in an emergency c-section. By then we both had infections and he was removed from me for the first 14 hours till I had recovered enough to have him with me. To this day, h e is now 10 yrs old, he carries a deep underlying insecurity and I truly believe it relates to coming out of my womb and then being removed from my warmth and heart beat. ( I too have abandement issues relating to my own birth where my mother almost died which resulted in 3 days in an incubator). A friend once said to me that in infancy a human being learns on a cellular level whether the world is a safe place or not. I believe implicitly that infants left to cry, internalize that on some level, nobody will come to help them. You hold that little girl as close to your heart for as long as you can. Till she is too heavy to carry and then you find another way to do it. Do not listen to the Mr. Spock's of this world, even if she cries and cries, hold her and explore every avenue to fined an answer to what ailing her.

Piper - posted on 08/21/2012

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My son was like that, it turned out he was allergic to formula and had to be put on soy formula. You might want to check into that...

Candice - posted on 08/21/2012

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I am speaking from experience. I also have a chiro in the family. They see infants. From newborn on. Please try it. It changed my daughters life. And ours !!!

Sherry - posted on 08/21/2012

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Try a swing. My first son cried alot. I felt horrible with my son bc realtisticaly you can't hold them all day. But try the swing my son loved it and gave me a break. Which im sure u need.

Hailey - posted on 08/21/2012

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Do you have a cradle swing? It was a good soothed for my twins, and if you get easily frustrated with her crying all the time she is going to feel that and cry more.

Terri - posted on 08/21/2012

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I read a book called "the happiest baby on the block.". My son was after I swaddled, shushed and rocked him gently.

Paulette - posted on 08/21/2012

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How long has this been going on? When my daughter was one month old I would get up to feed her and then she decided she wanted to play a while or stay awake. The pediatrician asked me what did I do and I told him I would rock her a while, rub her back and try to get her to go back to sleep. He said to stop it. To feed her, burp her, put her in her crib and go back to bed. He said she would probably cry 20 to 30 min. for 3 or 4 nights in a row, then realize no one was coming in there and she would start to sleep through the night. I laid in bed with hands full of the sheet clenched in my fists while she cried, asked myself would she hate me, etc. After night 3 she started sleeping thru the night. My husband told me to do this because we were paying the dr. for his advice as well as her checkups and he was right. I hope this helps.

Carrie - posted on 08/21/2012

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Im a mom of four. ive noticed with my babies the more i held them the less they cried in general. I think you should hold your baby often, wearing your baby if you have a sling or front carrier saves your arms so you can still do chores. I found that my babies were more content and didn't cry. When they did cry it was usually because they were overstimulated or had gas. For overstimulation i would turn the tv off or what ever background noise and move them to a quiet place and hold them untill they calmed down. For gas I would lay them on their back and 'bicycle' their legs. That usually helps. But getting back to holding your baby, hold them often. You'll find that they won't cry as often. You'll be able to enjoy your baby and your baby will be soothed by the rythme of your movement, voice and heartbeat. Remember to be patient, you're both learning.

Briggette - posted on 08/21/2012

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Hello Alexis. I have the same problem with my 3 week old baby. She always wants to be held, cries uncontrollably for hours and wont sleep on her own. Even after i put her to sleep i have to lie next to her for a lil while. I would advice u to give her something to do while she's awake but in her crib or bed. Play with her, talk and sing to her. And the pacifier works wonders. I've been trying this myself lately and seems to work, i hope this helps and good luck. . .

Briggette - posted on 08/21/2012

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Hello Alexis. I have the same problem with my 3 week old baby. She always wants to be held, cries uncontrollably for hours and wont sleep on her own. Even after i put her to sleep i have to lie next to her for a lil while. I would advice u to give her something to do while she's awake but in her crib or bed. Play with her, talk and sing to her. And the pacifier works wonders. I've been trying this myself lately and seems to work, i hope this helps and good luck. . .

Sasha - posted on 08/21/2012

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Well thats a hard one, but baby nea cry so much i wanna to scream with her, but i gave her a warm bath with lavender in the water. And put her on the breast with my shirt off so she can smell and hear me singing to her. And shes sleeps for more than 2 hrs. Happy baby happy mom. But if that does nt work get one of your shirt and lay her on it. She just want to hear and smell.you close by. Work when i leave my infant at daycare or when doing a erran. Good luck. Nothing wrong with holding baby. single mom of 4

Carolyn - posted on 08/21/2012

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The one thing that helped all my kids was the disney lullaby cd. The one with baby Mickey on the cover. It is the one with lyrics. A dark room and soft light. Lavender is great for relaxation. I have also been told from a good friend of mine that if a baby is held as often as she/he needs creats self esteem and self confidence in the child as gets older. It is very true in the case if my kids. Good luck.

Iara - posted on 08/21/2012

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Chiropractor at one month old? I don't think the physician will see a baby so young...



The baby probably has gas and is adjusting to the new enviroment. keep your calm and patience,,,that fase goes by so fast..

Tatika - posted on 08/21/2012

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You can try resting her on a pillow on your leg or singing. If that doesn't work try a swing or maybe she has gas.If it is gas try infacol, gripe water or dill seed tea. Also try a relaxing bath or maybe she just wants to be close to you.

Iara - posted on 08/21/2012

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She probably has gas...try to hold her with her belly down, it always helped my kids...

Bess - posted on 08/21/2012

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Get a sling or baby carrier. Some babies need to be held a lot, or most babies. Babies don't got to sleep on their own until they're like 6 months old. She's a newborn

Theresa - posted on 08/20/2012

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Alexis I will give you my opinion and it is based on my own personal experience. My first daughter cried alot and I did hold her alot. I learnt my lesson as far as the holding goes. I agree with some of these mums that newborns do need to be held a fair bit to be comforted but I also agree that getting them into a routine is also a good thing. My first daughter I fed ,then rocked her to sleep. Thats fine when you only have 1 child : ) I also found both my daughters had wind pretty bad and so they cried from that. I burped them and if that didn't work, I tried Infants Friend. My 2nd daughter was treated alot differently. I did hold her a bit but no where near as much as my first. She was fed, burped (which she usually vomitted), then put in her pram to sleep. I wrapped my 2nd daughter alot tighter than my first and believe that helped alot as well. She would put herself to sleep which is great when you have a 2 year old to look after as well : ) I am currently pregnant with twins and plan to do the same with them as well. If you try these things and nothing seems to work then I suggest maybe a trip to your GP. Good luck and hope that something works soon. But please give your precious bub plenty of cuddles while she will let you : )

Jo - posted on 08/20/2012

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A week old baby should be getting nourishment during the night. Maybe you were sleeping so soundly you didn't hear the baby crying. In any case, all kidding aside, you are getting off course and forgetting that every mother here has the mother & baby's best interest at heart.

Karen - posted on 08/20/2012

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Jo, you obviously did not raise my children or my grand children. They slept all night by one week old. That,my dear, is a habit. You say it is not about mom but let me just tell you. If a mom stays awake all night and awake all day trying to nurse 'on demand' and please a newborn that is not even sure what they want, and dealing with siblings that have the same needs they had before the new baby came, she is going to be less than 100% to everybody. This is prob a big cause of 'baby blues'. Other people who are trying to 'help', tell these moms all this stuff and it is almost impossible to do and not be so weary they can't deal with every day life.

Jo - posted on 08/20/2012

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It's not all about the mom. The mom is a grown up and the baby is a new life. And babies do not start making habits when they are born. A new baby would make many women very happy.

Karen - posted on 08/20/2012

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This mother just wants advice. Not criticism. There are many ways to get a baby happy and it is not always by holding them constantly. Babies start habits the day they are born. If they get used to being held all the time then they certainly will want that all the time. A new mother needs lots of rest/relaxation to keep her sane. A happy mom makes for a happy baby.

Melissa - posted on 08/20/2012

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It's truth, if U don't have time to hold the number one thing in your life, than u shouldn't have had one or should've made a better plan before getting pregnant. children come first! Always!

Candice - posted on 08/20/2012

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Have you tried taking her to a chiropractor? My daughter cried A LOT as a newborn. And i thought it didn't seem right as well. I found a reputable chiro that is highly referred who's worked with infants, kids and pregnant ladies. My daughter cried constantly. And never wanted to be put down. Two visits to the chiropractor and she would lie down. A few more and her reflux was nearly cured. Reflux which she was on medication for 24/7. If you feel as though there's something wrong there probably is. Keep on the doctors. Ask for a pediatrician. Force people to listen to you . There's silent reflux that really has only two symptoms. Crying. Arching her back or pulling her legs up to her tummy (ok. So that's three) :P. My daughter had two misaligned virtebrais which was remaking havoc on her nervous system. Going to a chiro can't hurt. I highly suggest you go. Also, COLIC CALM works so amazing,y well. Google it. I used that and it helped a lot!! I wish you e best of luck and please ignore all those ignorant posts that tell you to just deal with it. By asking for help, YOU ARE!! Ps. You can't spoil a newborn. But yes that do get used to being held. I know. Lol. Follow your gut if she has reflux or a misaligned vertebrae then shell want to be held, because she's in pain and being held feels the best because of the angle GOOD LUCK!!! I'd love to hear how you make out. From one mom who's been stressed and living with a crier to another, it will get better. Follow your gut

Candice - posted on 08/20/2012

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These posts Don't help ANYBODY!!! There's nothing wrong with feeling stressed and being concerned. Why bother posting if you're full of hate. Talking to you Melissa solder quits. You say you're not being mean but you are

Lisa - posted on 08/20/2012

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Maybe swaddle her in a blanket, some like the snugness..my daughter is the opposite, lol she fought the nurses at the hospital, they would try and swaddle her in a receiving blanket and everytime she would manuver her arms out..if u rule out shes not needing the basics (diaper change, hungry) it could be gas, if u are breastfeeding it could be something that you ate thats not agreeing with her tummy..at one month she might just want her mama..Good luck hope she settles down
..

Amy - posted on 08/20/2012

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My daughter had colic for the first 7 months of her life! She never slept anywhere but on my chest or in bed with me - would not nap on her own until over the age of 1 - good luck! Some babies are just more needy than others. And the fact that she is only a month old?!? HOLD HER! Pretty soon she won't want to be held at all...

Melissa - posted on 08/20/2012

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Should've thought about all this before you had a baby!! It doesn't end after 9 months, really it's just beginning!! I'm not being mean, I'm being real!

Jennifer - posted on 08/20/2012

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One month is so little! Babies at this age need to be nursed on demand and close to their mother. They call it the 4th trimester. Babies were in the womb 24/7 and then once they are out, many of us make the mistake of trying to make them independent by not holding or cuddling with them. They are still adjusting to the outside world. Wear your baby in a sling so you can multitask and remember they are only little for so long. You can never spoil a baby :) Good luck!

Wendy - posted on 08/20/2012

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We have been there! We sympathise! We had 4 sons and now have 6 grandkids with whom we are close.

It does depend on why your baby is crying, doesn't it.

One of our grandkids needed a dummy. He kept it until he was 3 yrs. old and only relinquished it then very reluctantly, but it worked when he was tiny.
Another of them screamed and needed to be held. She was not offered a dummy. She seemed to have colic and was given the modern equivalent of gripe water. [I'm sorry I do not remember the name now] She needed lots of pats on her bottom to get her to sleep- a sort of rhythmic pat while she was held.
The third one liked to drink water and still does like to drink a lot. He was given a tiny bottle containing water and sucked himself to sleep.
My own little ones I used to carry around in a sling on my back. That worked really well. As soon as they dropped off, I could put them into a pram or a bed. I could get on with my house work fine.
One of ours also loved to sleep to the sound of the vacuum cleaner. That got him off every time. He hated being outdoors in his pram. Another loved sleeping on his tummy. Still another, my youngest had a hatred of being on either his side or his tummy. He slept on his back with his arms in the air.
Hope you find what suits you! Try everything. Singing sometimes helps. Good luck!

Jane - posted on 08/20/2012

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after you hold her to a snooze..put something light weight close enough to touch her on the back when you put her down so she feels that you r still there. This helped my boys when I laid them on their side after nursing.

Mona - posted on 08/20/2012

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Dear,it's really short time, she needs feel scure, put her on ur chest naked, after while she ganna be like the other babies

Dale - posted on 08/19/2012

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Try music, not loud, also try a warm bath with stuff that you can buy to either to put in the bath or massage them with, singing softly to her and when she is asleep walk away. Also check to see if she is to hot or cold.

DeeDee - posted on 08/19/2012

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If you just feel you need to put her down so your hands are free you could try a wrap or carrier to keep her close while your hands can do other things. But they grow so fast and will be squirming to get away before very long so just enjoy cuddling and holding her while she is little. ;)

Dianna - posted on 08/19/2012

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I am a mother of three. I have an 8yr old son, a 6yr old daughter and the baby lol a 2yr old lil girl. When my yougest was born my kids were 6 and 4 they were very very busy children and they still are. Keepin mommy on her toes lol. At a month old I think all babies are a little clingy, you are the only thing that they have ever known. The sound of your heart your smell your voice. You are their comfort zone. Now it is understandable that you cannot have a baby on you all the time and that sleep is a mild requirement, and with other children you definatley cannot sit there with baby all day. For me I did hold my children as much as I possibly could. the closer to mom the more comfortable they are and the happier mom is (i am a bit of a clingy mom anyways lol). Improvisation was the key for me. Learning how to do things whie appeasing some of babies needs as well. Anything I could bring baby with me I did.. I also got into the habit of making baby feel close when I cant hold her. I sing a lot... doesnt mean I'm very good at it lol its just something I've always done. So I made a point of singing her certain songs while holding and when I had to put them down. I'd sing and she knew I was right there. I think swaddling helps a lot with the little babies too... they are so restricted in the womb having thier limbs free must be an odd sensation. So I would swaddle them in her blankets a lot. and heres my absolute life saver! I would put something with my scent close to or on baby! My mother actually found this amazing little kit for me, contained a super cute teddy, a tiny fuzzy blanky and a noise box that mimicked the sound of your womb... these things SAVED MY LIFE with my youngest daughter. The little blanky was for your scent so every once in a while I'd walk around with it tucked in my shirt for an hour or two and the noise box could go in the bear or hang on the crib. I didnt put the bear.. it was hung...teddies and newborns are bad mix, but the little blanky with my scent in combination with the womb sounds worked really well for bed time. I also found that they all enjoyed the sound of the vacuum if they were having a hard time going to sleep, so sometimes I'd run it in the hall outside the bedroom... strange... i know...but whatever works lol. Just remember, as frustrating as it is sometimes when you have to do something and baby wants to be held that soon... very soon she'll be running from you and playing and wont want to cuddle mom for hours on end... and when that day comes...you will miss it terribly!

Reality - posted on 08/19/2012

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Take her to the pediatrician to make sure she's ok. If she's ok try putting her in her car seat or other safe "seat" and rock her - some even have soothing vibration. But most important make sure shes healthy - no issues, no allergies. Breastfed babies can get fussy if you eat certain foods and/or she may not be able to digest her formula or allergic/sensitive to it.

Karen - posted on 08/19/2012

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I have read many of the responses and it amazes me how mothers these days have nothing to do but sit around and hold their baby. Poor siblings! A newborn baby wants security and love. To give this child a routine from the get go is ideal. I have 4 children and my pediatrician was Leila Denmark, you can google her, and she taught me to let the newborns sleep at night and if they wake up, pat them on the back or change their diaper but do not converse or stimulate them in any way. It took no more than 5 nights with any of my children to allow them to wake up and fuss but not to feed and after that all night sleeping! 6am feed, 10am feed, 2pm feed, 6pm feed, 10 pm feed---sleep, start back at 6am. This makes for a happy rested mom, and a happy secure baby that knows exactly what to expect.

Rabecca - posted on 08/19/2012

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Hi, I've read alot, not all but alot of the previous posts, many are very good advice. As a mum of 7 and a nurse, massage therapist & Bowen therapist, my suggestions are these, cuddle your baby, it's a big wide world out there, let her stay close and bonded to you for as long as she will, in only a short time she'll be off doing her own thing. If you think there may be a medical problem, take her & get her checked by a doctor or baby health nurse. You can do infant massage courses to learn how to massage her, this is very soothing and helps baby settle, or you can try taking her to a Bowen therapist, if she has colic, a neck restriction from her birth, or even reflux Bowen can help. It's very gentle and safe, but mostly cuddle her. Take the time to get to know your baby. Look at her & talk to her, it's a precious time for mums & bubs. You've also just had a baby, you could do with an excuse to kick back and relax anyway. It seems like forever but believe me all too soon you'll be running around taking her to dance classes and sporting events, enjoy the quiet time while you can :) good luck

Tracy - posted on 08/19/2012

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My boy who is now eight..... when he was one month old he would cry and cry all the time, by two months old and asking alsorts of people why? I ended up taking him to the doctors and finding out that he had reflux which was acid coming up, so the only time he would settle was drinking all the time, which soothed him for awhile but not for long. Grew out of it about 12 months old, did get relief though with a speical powder that I put in his formula .. Gavascone..... So just a thought it could be something else bothering her.

Aurora (dollie) - posted on 08/19/2012

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Have you tried a bath with Johnson's sleepy time soap with lavender for calming

Jo - posted on 08/19/2012

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Your expectations are untimely. Hold her, cuddle with her, keep her close to you in her infant seat or swing so she can watch you doing your chores. This tiny window will be closed forever very soon, enjoy it. She will go to sleep on her own when you and she work out a routine that makes her happy. Put her in the crib, leave the light on or night light, maybe play a musical toy to soothe her, don't close the door, she's too young. Give her a chance, she's new to the world. If you entered a new world tomorrow, you'd want to be held also..

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