how to keep my 14 year old from having sex

Debbie - posted on 02/20/2010 ( 30 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old daughter is very attractive, and thus, attracts attention from boys. She has many friends who have already "done it." I know she's thought about it, but she's just 14! How can I help her to realize she's too young?

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Alma - posted on 02/21/2010

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first thing mom that you need to realize is that sex is out there. dont let your child be dumb to the fact about sex. trust she know alot about it know. know you need to talk to her as a opened minded mother. please b opened minded cause you will make her uncomfortable and thats the last thing you need is for her not to want to have that conversation with you.. you want her to always know that she can come to you for anything, she needs to trust you and know that u trust her and that alone should b helpful.. please dont try to beat her age in her head cause these days, after 13, age does not matter ... i wish you and your family well!!!!

Samantha - posted on 02/20/2010

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Im only 18 so i cant give you a parental view. but i can tell you that the more you try to stop her the more shes going to sneak around. and it will cause your relationship to go bad. But if she feels comfortable opening up to you about it then you both might feel better. And if you are worried you definatley want to know all the details. Also i definatley recommend birth control. But i dont recommend nuva ring coz you wont know if shes actually using it. try something you can monitor. that will also help you feel better. i hope i was helpful.

Christina - posted on 02/20/2010

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Well here is a sex quiz I found online http://teenadvice.about.com/library/blse...
Not sure if that will go anywhere though... I saw a Dr. Phil a while ago and he asked 2 teens who were thinking about having sex with eachother some really great questions. One of them being, very as a matter of factly: What will the 2 of you decide if you do get pregnant? another going to the doc and both getting tested even though they haven't been active yet. another what type of birthcontrol will they use? where do you plan to be with this person in 5 years? even 2 years? are you going to marry this person? Most of the questions pretty much changed the teens minds... Heres a Dr Burman link:
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Talki...

Ashlie - posted on 02/20/2010

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Theres really not much you can do to make her realize that. Teenage girls have a lot of pressure when it comes to having sex. i agree with jocelyn you should put her on a form of birth control, but make sure that you tell her that your not okaying her to have sex.

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Tammy - posted on 05/22/2012

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Don't try to force her not to cause then she will just want to even more. Like what Jocely Smith said, ask her if she wants to and if she wants to take birth control just incase.

At 14 it is very tempting to have sex. I remember when i was 14, I was also very atractive and had many friends that had 'done it' and i wanted to but the thing that kept me from doing it was that i could get pregnant or get an STD and I was always terrified that if that happened my mom would know and she would be mad at me or even hate me.

So make sure your daughter is well informed about pregnancy, STDs and the pain that comes from it all. Tell her that you don't want her to, but dont make it forceful. And if she still wants to just ask her to be very carful. Hope this helps!!!

Pam - posted on 07/14/2011

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There really is nothing you can do to stop it...it nay have already happened. What you can do is encourage her to come to you and talk about birth control if she is really thinking about it. This can only be done if you can be calm and supportive. Just remember...she will do it with or without your permission so it would be better to get her on birth control. Girls now are getting pregnant younger and younger and it is scary. I worry about my daughter as well in a couple years. She may not come to you and ask to go to the doctor, but if you give her that suggestion, maybe she will go on her own and be safe about it, if and when she does have sex

Cindy - posted on 02/21/2010

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I would get a baby and have her take care of it for the day, then explain to her that if she has one of her own she can' t send it home. also explain to her the dangers of sex, and show her videos and pics it may seen harsh but it could work.

Sheri - posted on 02/21/2010

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I know a girl who got herpes as a teenager and another one who got venereal warts (which can lead to cervical cancer), and I will be using those stories when our time comes. I am so sorry you are at this point! It scares me, but I started fooling around pretty young and turned out okay. I didn't take sex very seriously emotionally, so it was just for the fun. Most girls put too much emotional attachment on those untrustworthy boys and end up with broken hearts. Aside from the pregnancy and STD's, that's my main fear for my kids.

If you spend a lot of time together as a family, she won't have as much time for boys, but otherwise I have no clue what to do.

Very best wishes to you all!

Jan - posted on 02/21/2010

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Talk to her a lot about how she feels. I talked my mum all the time when I was 14 and asked lots of questions. My mum said sex should be reserved for someone you really care about and you are in-love with, and if you do it too soon you won't be able to handle it emotionally. It should be making love and not just sex, and 14 is way too young. If you have a good relationship with your daughter you will know whether you can talk her out of it or not, but starting birth control at 14 is also dangerous because it is encouraging her to have sex when too young. It's a difficult one, you don't want a teenage pregnancy either. I was very lucky and talked to my mum and even told her when I was 18 that I was ready and discussed birth control. My mum was very liberal and easy to talk to, no longer alive, but still the voice in my head even now. I really hope this helps, good luck! :-)

Cecile - posted on 02/21/2010

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find a way to let here get hands on with a newborn....if she plays she could pay...if u make her have to take care of a newborn or show her how her life would change forever if she was to get pregnant....no more anything.......

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Talk to her and be completely honest regarding your feelings. Also make sure she is educated and understands all the risks of unprotected sex.

Tammy - posted on 02/21/2010

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The only thing you can do is talk to her. Be honest with her, let her know your concerns and fears. At that age you can't watch them always, make sure she knows about birth control, and condoms, and that she must always use both to protect herself. Most likely if you open and do not judge her, she will also be open with you. However as a mom you must protect her if this is something she will do. I just feel like teenagers today have so much peer pressure, by talking to her you can see her own ideas on the mater. My daughter is 15 and decided to wait, but she knows if she changes her mind she needs to be on the pill for at least a month before.

DeeDee - posted on 02/21/2010

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I GOT INTO BOYS TOO EARLY TOO, & IF I KNEW THE TRUTH ABOUT THEM, (THAT THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO CARE ABOUT A GIRL SERIOUSLY TILL THEY HIT THEIR 20'S) I BELIEVE I WOULDN'T HAVE JUMPED INTO RELATIONSHIPS THAT EARLY. IF I WAS SHOWN ENOUGH TIMES IN ENOUGH WAYS THAT GUYS JUST AREN'T WORTH IT TILL UR LATE TEENS/20'S, THAT THEY JUST CAUS PAIN BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER AT THAT AGE, THAT I'VE GOT MORE THAN '4EVER' TO FIND THE RIGHT ONE, I THINK I WOULD'VE STAYED A LITTLE MORE FOCUSED ON MY EDUCATION - NOTE: ALMOST EVERY TEEN GIRL THINKS THEY "KNOW" THAT HE IS THE ONE!!! THINKS THAT U DON'T UNDERSTAND & THINKS THAT IF THEY DON'T "DO IT" WITH HIM; HE WILL LEAVE. JUST TRY & GET INTO THEIR HEAD THAT LOVE CAN WAIT !!!FOREVER!!! IF NEED BE! OTHERWISE I AGREE WITH THE BIRTH CONTROL TOO, BUT I THINK THE BEST BIRTH CONTROL IS BEING AROUND/HELPING OUT WITH A SCREAMING BABY - CAUSE THE PILL JUST MADE ME A LITTLE MORE CONFIDENT TO "DO IT" WHEN I DID.



& I 100% AGREE WITH ERICA, MY FATHER WAS ABSENT FROM MY LIFE & I NEVER THOUGHT THINGS THROUGH WHEN IT CAME TO BOYS, I "FELT" ALL MY DECISIONS = WISH I DIDN'T, I WISH HE'D BEEN THERE.



P.S: That's just my opinion, & I don't need judgements from anyone upon what I've said above, I'm a different person now & trying to use my experience to help others.



HOPE THAT HELPS!!! GOOD LUCK! ^_^

Erica - posted on 02/21/2010

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Is her father active in her life? I've read that the biggest contributor to preventing teenage girls from having sex is having a father active in their lives. The father doesn't even have to talk about sex, just go to her events, eat dinner with her, and be a part of her life.

Kimberly - posted on 02/21/2010

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I can definately relate to how scared you feel. My middle daughter is 15 1/2 and im scared shitless. Please excuse the language, but thats how I feel. My daughter is very pretty and she has great friends. I always keep a good eye on who she hangs out with and where she is, but my biggest fear is what goes on when shes at someone elses house. I always require a guarantee that parents are present, and I meet them first, when going out anywhere, but the hard truth is that some parents don't have the same ideas about teens that I do.

Keep the line of communication open, let her know exactly how you feel and always be there for questions. Unless you lock her up or buy her a metal chastity belt, there is no hard guarantee. The biggest deterrent for my daughter was one of her best friends went through the "I think i'm pregnant" scare.

Krystal - posted on 02/21/2010

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hi i am only 19 and my son is only 9 months old but i did loose my vaginity at 15, no i dont regret it because he is my first, he is my only and im still with him nearly 5 years later i was on birth controll (the pill) but i still got pregnant, and remember nothing is 100% except not having sex at all. my mum got pregnant with me on the coil and my sister got pregnant with my neice on the implant (the one under your skin in your arm). but deffinately teach her about condoms as well as putting her on birth controll. as condoms are the only thing that protect against STDs and STIs. make sure she knows how to put one on corectly and to check for rips, tears and the use by date. and make her promise to always use a condom whether she is on birth controll or not. you cant stop her from having sex but you can make sure she is protected as much as possible, get all the info on pregnancy make her watch birth videos and stds and stis and show her the signs and show her pictures of the damage that they can cause like genital warts, gonarriha (spelling?) clamidia (spelling?) ect. hope this helps, good luck and best wishes :)

Christi - posted on 02/20/2010

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to be honest with you, my mother put the fear of God into me. she showed me the video of her giving birth to me. it scared me enough that I didn't have sex until I was 18 and had been in a relationship for 2 years. another idea is make her watch the show 16 and pregnant. that show really captures all that new mothers have to do. and show her statitcs about how young mother new finish high school, you can forget college and all of it's experiences. going out is impossible, having alone time is out of the question. getting a good degree or seeing the world, forget it. scare her, i know it sounds horrible, but sometimes that is the only way. if you think she is already having sex, birth control would be the best option. the pill she can forget to take, i would make her get the depo shot so you can be sure she gets it.

Kacey - posted on 02/20/2010

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Honestly thats something that you can not prevent but you can talk to her and let her know the packages that come with having sex, like the diseases, pregnancu, etc. And just pray about it bc there is nothing God cant handle...

JaNett - posted on 02/20/2010

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My advice is just by talking to her. A lot of young girls do it to get attention if they feel they arent getting "enough" Also, make her feel that she can come to you and talk to you in the event she is thinking about it. Sex may appeal to kids bc its "off limits" and do it for the thrill.
Dont assume shes doing it just bc her friends are. Thats where a lot of parents go wrong. She cant feel as though your accusing her bc that will make her want to even more. I am a young mom. Married young, and then had a baby young. I know how both sides can see things bc im somewhere in the middle. If she thinks your expecting her to do it, then she might go prove u right.

Thats my advice. Keeping the lines of communication, understanding and trust is key. If she can trust you then she is more likely going to come to you with questions if she thinks she is ready.

:) hope this helps

Sheree - posted on 02/20/2010

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My daughter is only 8 months and im 24 so I cant give you a parents view, but from my opinion when I was that age. My mum and I always had a very close relationship, i always told her everything, even now i think i tell her too much detail, lol. My mum had me when she was 17 so always told us how hard it was, she was open about sex and said that she knew it would happen one day and hoped that it would be when we were old enough to make the right decisions. she also advised us to be open with her when we were thinking about "doing it" and she would organise the right birth control. I lost my virginty when I was 17 and told my mum about it the night it happened, i had also told her a few months before hand that we were thinking about it so we could organise the contraception, (i was with a very steady boyfriend who is now the man I married) I have no regrets about it and was glad i had the relationship with my mum that I could go to her for anything.

Melissa - posted on 02/20/2010

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AHHHHHH! I'm so sorry that your little girl has grown up already, scary thing for me to think about, as mine is 11 months right now! Best advice would be, sit down, and have a serious conversation. It will be uncomforatable, but, it is something that has to be done. My mom sat down with me and really explained things to me... Yes, I was VERY grossed out with my MOMMY telling me, but, I remember every word she said, and it might not have really meant much if I heard it from someone else. GOOD LUCK!

Kenda - posted on 02/20/2010

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I agree with some of the others above. You will not be able to stop her if it is what she wants to do. You can talk to her about self respect and waiting, but birth control is also a good idea. My one recommendation is allow yourself to be very open with her, and let her know it is her decision. The more you discourage her or tell her not to do it or that she cant do it....the higher the chance she will do it just for the sake of rebelling. Take it from someone who knows from experience!



Hope this helps and good luck!

Christine - posted on 02/20/2010

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Have a relationship with her based on trust. To build a stronger bond needs one on one time like for me it was those car ride to my after school activities. I remember my parents sharing with me their own youth mistakes and experiments. I had my own secrets with them. I felt special but in my early twenties when the trust broke and the pressure was on to act under their protective wings still I rebelled. Make it clear from the start what you expect from her & explain how proud you are of her so far and allow her to make her own decisions. Listen to her opinion. Give your opinion & health info trust her that she will make a good decision has you continue to negotiate her independance.

Debbie - posted on 02/20/2010

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I made her promise to tell me when she feels it's "time" to go on birth control, and that as much as I hate the idea of MY baby having sex, it's better than my baby HAVING a baby. We've had the STD talk. She is just so naive, and I know in my heart she's going to regret it. I am glad we have an open relationship and can talk, but I just wish I could prevent this inevitable trainwreck from happening! Thank you all!

Kimberly - posted on 02/20/2010

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if i were you i would show her a movie about giving birth. and the go get her some birth control. it best that you control the situation by getting her one that is implanted in her arm or uterus. because even if u dont want her to have sex she eventually will sooner or later and i'd rather ba safe than sorry. good luck!
kimberly hicks

Corine - posted on 02/20/2010

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Ok the truth is you can't stop her, but you can open the lines of communication with her. Ask her to attend a couple of sessions of therapy with you even if it is at a local planned parenthood, telling her that its not because you think there is something wrong with her or you want to control her but its a "safe place" for her to express herself and remember that you getting angry or yelling not that you would but if she is afraid that you would it might close down the lines of communication. Remember yourself at 14 and how it might have been hard for you to talk to your mom, she needs your love and understanding now more than ever, what you do right now with her will have a tremendous impact on how you communicate for years to come.

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I was 14 when it happened and I regret it. You need to get her to watch a baby A LOT. Then she can see what COULD happen. Other than that you need to just talk to her and watch her A LOT. However, it's in her head. You cant stop her. You need to go into stalker mode. Let her think she is alone and FOLLOW. Bc I've NEVER met a teenager that was PERFECT.

Daphne - posted on 02/20/2010

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This is a very controversial subject. What I have to say about it, some may not agree but I am the mother of 3 grown daughters (2 cheerleaders and 1 model) and 1 grown son. I am not going to tell u that they did or did not have sex. I know the answer but I feel like that is not my place to tell the world that.LOL. Anyway, the best advice I can give u is advise ur daughter about self respect and how her virginity is the one thing in the world that she can never get back or redo. Then keep the line of communication open and put her on birth control just in case and also teach her about condoms and disease. You are doing the best thing by being willing to admit that it is a possibility and a reality. There are way too many parents in the world who think " not my kid". You have to prepare like it is ur kid and then pray that it's not! LOL. Good Luck!!

Janina - posted on 02/20/2010

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yeah i agree with jocelyn! if its in her head, shes going to do it eventually! and being on birth control will atleast prevent the dreaded teen pregnancy!! :) whatever u do try not to stop her from going out, this will only make her more strong headed and go completely against u! maybe talk to her about STDs and all those things, incase shes not completely aware!! u know what teens are like, naive and think they know eveyrthing. i know i was like that :P
all the best with your daughter!!!

Jocelyn - posted on 02/20/2010

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I can't give you any ideas on how to stop her, but if you are worried at least put her on birth control. You might not be able to stop her but you can try to stop her from getting pregnant.

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