Ashley - posted on 05/04/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )
My boyfriend and I are expecting our 2nd baby in about a month. Our first was born about 2 years ago and while I was was in labor there were four other people besides myself in the room. My boyfriend, my mom, my boyfriend's mom & his grandmother. (Note: My boyfriend's mother just brought the grandmother without even asking if it was okay, so even though I didn't really want her there or invite her I was kinda stuck.) When I delivered, the grandmother had to leave the room. I thought it would be special for both mine & my boyfriend's mothers to be there to see their grandson born. And it was! But this time around I wanted to keep it to just me & my boyfriend in the room during labor and delivery (except for maybe my mom if I feel I need a little more support) because last time there were too many people in the way I couldn't experience the bonding w/ my newborn and watch the process of what the doctor's did to him after he was delivered. But yesterday, my boyfriend's mom made the comment about when this baby is born about taking vacation time to be there for the labor & delivery because she was there for our first son's birth. She just assumed she is going to be there and making plans to be there. Now, I am the type of person where any kind of confrontation or situation where I could possibly hurt someone's feelings gives me severe anxiety. And I usually just keep my mouth shut, suck it up & deal with not getting what I want and not being happy because it's easier than having to hurt someone's feelings or confront them on an issue. I'm not sure how to keep my boyfriend's mother from inviting herself into the labor & delivery room. I've thought of a few options, but I am having problems with all of them. Options: 1) Don't tell her when we go into labor, but contact her after the baby is born. This would definitely hurt her feelings and cause friction. And because of the type of relationship my boyfriend has with his family, he would not be able to not tell his mother or brothers. And she would more than likely see it on FB anyway. lol. 2) Have my boyfriend explain to her why we prefer to limit the people in the room. This would also hurt her feelings. Especially if I do end up wanting my own mother to be there for extra support if I need it. And this puts my boyfriend in a sticky spot too, because then he will have an issue with his mother when he doesn't actually care if she's there or not. Well, because she's his mother he kind of does want her there. So when he goes to explain to her, the blame would get put on me as to why she can't come. 3) I could explain the situation to her, but this would give me super bad anxiety and I tend to either "give in" or explode when in a confrontational conversation because I just can't handle the pressure. So, please let me know if you have any suggestions on how I should handle this situation or rationalization on any of the options I've already considered. Thank You!