How to keep the # of people in the delivery room limited without hurting anyone's feelings??

Medic - posted on 05/07/2012

I had NO ONE in the delivery room either time just me my hubs the dr and one nurse. I told my nurse when I went in and she delt with it saying that it was for my health to keep me low key. My mom was the only one trying to get in the first time so the second time we didn't tell anyone but my dad and stepmom because they had our son. After our daughter was born we told everyone and yeah my mom boohooed but I really couldn't give two shits. The nurses will gladly help you and take the blame for all of it. I am one of those very vocal people who told everyone to get bent and leave me the hell alone. The nurses were great and limited the amount of people and the time they could stay unless I told them it was ok.

Bethany - posted on 05/07/2012

Just be honest, tell her that you felt overwhelmed that too many people were in the room and you want to be able to see whats going on with your newborn and have more bonding time without being overcrowded. Maybe tell her that your boyfriend will let her know when your about to deliver or just after babys born so she can be in the hospital to see him when you come out of the labour ward. Or you could suggest that she takes time off work right after babys born to come and help you, make her feel needed in a different way.

Stifler's - posted on 05/07/2012

Just tell them you only need your husband there and would appreciate everyone else keeping their distance. I have no idea why others would want to be there/invite themselves.

Sharon - posted on 05/07/2012

Quite frankly, I just don't understand why other people want to be in the delivery room when you are having a baby. How undignified for other's to see you with your legs in the air pushing out a baby! Tell them honestly, you just don't want other people in the delivery room with you. Tell them they are welcome to be there in the waiting room and to come in once you are decent and ready BUT the birth itself is personal and private and you'd like to keep it that way. Your childs birth : your rules.
Gosh, there's no way on earth I'd have had anyone other than my hubby in with me while birthing.

Jill - posted on 05/07/2012

Ashley, this is entirely up to you. You are the one birthing the baby after all. As a nurse, this is my advice for whatever it is worth. First, once you are truly ready to deliver, the doctor can tell anyone to leave. Let him know upfront that you only want who you want. Additionally, if you want visitors while laboring, let your nurse know that you would like for her or him to ask people to leave if they need to check you or get you repositioned. People tend to respond better when it comes from medical personnel. Your nurses are your advocates. They are there for you and no one else and will be the bad guy if needed. They will also let people know when they can come back in after the baby is born so you can get some much needed bonding time. In the end, this is your experience and no one else's. Congrats and good luck.

Elfrieda - posted on 05/04/2012

I like Amy's idea. "Actually, we were hoping you'd watch our oldest." Write her an email if you don't feel like you can have a real-time conversation.

Have you told your boyfriend that you want it to be just the two of you and maybe your mom? Because that is definitely the first step. Tell him that it's a very private moment and you didn't like the crowd in the room last time and ask him to protect you from feeling like that again.

I cannot believe that you let people into the delivery room out of politeness! I didn't have a lot of tact right there at the end, and if somebody had brought someone else they would have been told, "Get out!" And I'm very considerate of other people's feelings. That's why there would be no swearing. :) It was just me, my husband, and two midwives. That already felt plenty crowded.

Try to remember that it's all down to what makes YOU feel more comfortable. If you need another person to think of, think of your baby. If you don't feel comfortable, the labour is slower to progress. When the labour is slower to progress, the baby becomes more stressed, with faltering heartbeats and just being trapped in the birth canal being squeezed by contractions for a longer time than necessary. Why would you do that to your baby only to avoid a few hurt feelings by people who should know better? (I'll bet your motherinlaw didn't have her entire extended family in the room when she birthed your boyfriend.) Does that help at all?

Ashley - posted on 05/04/2012

Awesome! Thanks ladies! I really like your suggestion of having her watch my oldest, Amy.

Bonnie - posted on 05/04/2012

I am pregnant with my third child and for the first two it was just me and my husband. It will be the same this time around. Really, it should only be up to you. It's your body, your baby, and you are the one going through the pain. Just be honest and tell them how it is. Besides, if you tell the nurses, they will help keep people out.

Vicki - posted on 05/04/2012

To be honest I'd just accept that feelings are going to be hurt and tell them upfront. Your comfort during the birth is more important than their feelings. Birth isn't a spectator support, personally I don't want more people than absolutely necessary gazing at my vagina.

Your boyfriend needs to grow some gonads and stand up to his family. It's part of his job to hold a safe space for you, this includes who is in and out. Yes feelings will be hurt, but if they are at all adults then they should get over it.

Best wishes, I hope you get the support you need and no silly childish comebacks.

Amy - posted on 05/04/2012

Personally I would lie and say the hospitals policy has changed and will only allow one person in, or you could say your doctor has issues with a number of people being there. I know my doctor and hospital specifically said when we arrived that they are there for me so if I didn't want a visitor after a certain time they had no problem being the "bad guys".

Or you could say something along the lines of "oh we were really hoping you would watch the oldest one, they're so comfortable with you and it's going to be an adjustment for them". That way she may feel just as important/special without being in the room with you.

Ashley - posted on 05/04/2012

Sounds so simple! haha I just get so nervous... Thank You!

Katherine - posted on 05/04/2012

I did the same thing first time around. Second time around we told everyone it would be just my husband and I. Simple. Seriously I had residents in there anyways abut 20 plus all of the doctors, so it was a good idea they weren't there. But yeah just tell them this time around you are only having you and your boyfriend.