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How to stop sibling jealousy between a 3 and a half year old and a 5 month old?

Alexis - posted on 04/25/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a 5 month old boy and a 3 and a half year old girl and my daughter I SUPER jealous of the baby. I have been completely ignoring my crying baby (who only cries when he needs something) to give all my attention all the time to my daughter. She always gets into my lap when I'm about to pick up her brother to see him or to change him or feed him. Those are really the only times I get with him because she is very jealous. She's even told me she does not want her brother anymore to put him back. I don't know what to do anymore besides completely ignoring my baby, and I'm tired of ignoring my baby, he needs attention too. I do have my daughter help me do things for her brother. She helps change diapers and throws them away and she gets me things for him when I ask. She also plays with him. I ask her to play with him all the time, this way she gets attention and he gets attention. but none of it is working too much anymore. Does anyone have anymore ideas????

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Alexis - posted on 04/26/2011

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17

Thanks for the advice. I know that is what needs to be done. I just hate it when she runs off and cries for long periods of time when I tell her to give me some time to be with her brother.
I give lots of one on one time with her. We have dates with just our daughter while our son stays with his grandparents. But I think I NEED to force myself to ignore her when he really NEEDS something. Sometimes it takes someone else pointing that out to really let me see what I couldn't. Thanks.

Amber - posted on 04/25/2011

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Honestly, you are playing into your daughter's hand. You need to make her understand that the baby is here to stay and her behavior is unacceptable.

Make sure that you have one on one time with her too, but do not allow her to interfere with your crying infant. As you already see (by your statements) you are aware that he NEEDS you. She just WANTS you. Needs come before wants.

He needs to be stimulated, comforted, fed, changed...he can't meet his own needs in the way that she can. She is old enough to comfort herself for a few minutes.

When my son would behave in a jealous way towards my nieces, I would ignore HIM..not them. He soon realized that he was getting the exact opposite of what he wanted, which was my attention.

He could either share my lap with his cousins, or he could sit on the floor by himself. Those were his options. Play nice as a family or play by yourself. End of story.

I think your daughter is getting a little bit spoiled in her jealousy. The more that it works, the worse it will get. Her ideas are being reinforced by your ignoring her brother.

I'm not saying ANY of this to be mean. I think that you are trying your hardest and love your children enough to try anything. I'm not trying to hurt you, but this is the only way I know that I can help you :)

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