How to tell my 21 year old daughter it is time to move out of the house?

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Charge her rent, they will pay someone else rent before they pay to live with you. Insist she purchases her own stuff so she gets used to it, her own detergent, personal items, pay a portion of the heating bill, cable, etc.

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Sherri - posted on 09/21/2011

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WHY?? Personally she would have to pay back any college costs she wasted. Need to find a full time job and pay rent at home but I am sorry I think she is too young to be out on her own yet. My plan is to encourage them to finish college, get a good job and then move out so they are not in debt just trying to live.

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2011

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As soon as I left school and started working I had to pay board. It helped me for when I did leave home. I left home at 18 though only because I wasn't allowed to leave before then :-)
I don't see anything wrong with charging board and also her cooking dinner a couple of times a week. She's also old enough to do her own laundry and help towards bills. If you sat down with her and showed her the monthly expenses she may realize that she needs a full time job to be able to afford to live.

Katherine - posted on 09/21/2011

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I agree have her pay rent if she wants to stay. That's a reasonable solution. Make it a reasonable price. That way maybe she won't be procrastinating so much about getting the full time job. She can save up money and then move out.
It's not uncommon to waste money on classes....at least in my opinion. I did it and then I had to start paying my own tuition. That made me wake up.

But I knew so many people in college who just wanted to party and not go to class.

Stifler's - posted on 09/20/2011

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Sort the washing and don't wash hers. Make her pay board and for food.

Fit2BMe - posted on 09/20/2011

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I thought both mine and my husbands family had a fun way of doing it. They called it "The Pots and Pans Birthday/Christmas" (depending on when it was done.)
On this occasion they loaded me (and his family for him) up with household goods, and tips on living on our own. It was made into a fun thing. At that time they joked a lot, but also reassured us they'd help us through the process.

Another approach might be a sit down, to tell your child that you feel they are both old enough and responsible enough to be out on their own, and ask what you can do as a parent to help them feel ready, prepare, and make a successful transition.

If it's a young adult who has been especially difficult to live with, and that is why they need to leave, then perhaps saying something like "it seems, by the way we clash, like you have maybe outgrown needing live-in parents. Maybe you're ready for more independence and that's why things have been so difficult here. We'll help you get there if you need, in looking for a place, moving etc. It's ok to be ready to be out on your own and feel nervous about it at the same time...."

You know your situation best, so know what will make the most sense. Whatever your choice, I would recommend making it a positive thing (even if there is strain), to reassure any nervous and/or push and pull feelings, and let them know you're still mom and will help them get through it to whatever extent they need.

Good luck!

Liz - posted on 09/20/2011

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My brother was the leaseholder. My mom also discussed with him that she would not make him sign paperwork for the deposit to be returned to her in the event of him leaving the property, but that in return she expected him to take care of the property. She made it clear that if he disrespected it and ended up evicted or deprived of the deposit, that she would not be bankrolling him indefinitely. It really worked. He cleaned up his act amazingly, went on to get a better job and was really motivated for the first time in his life.

Robin - posted on 09/20/2011

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That seems some what reasonable.This economy is being hard on us just like everyone else. Who signed the lease or rental agreement? I think it will be better on everyone's wallet if she had a roommate. I have been saving old dishes and misc. pieces of furniture for her. She has a part time job and I keep pushing her to work full time, but she has been procrastinating.

Liz - posted on 09/20/2011

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What my mother did for my elder brother, who was very similar, was find him an apartment that he could afford rent on, pay the deposit, have it painted and put basic furniture in it so that he did not have to do without anything essential. If he wanted more luxurious versions of anything, he then had to save up for them - which he did.

Robin - posted on 09/20/2011

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Your right I need to push her off nest and let he flap her wings. She knows I want her to move soon, but she loves living at home, food, washer and dryer, clean hot shower :) But she is taking advantage of this and I really need to push hard but in a gentle way. do I give her a deadline like.... "Your move out date is Oct 31st." ? Wondering what other moms have said or done

Robin - posted on 09/20/2011

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She tried college and didn't want to continue except for the 1 credit physical exercise classes. She wasted 3 terms of funding to find this out. She likes to go to lots of college parties!

Elfrieda - posted on 09/20/2011

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Some birds need a little push to leave the nest. Just try to do it gently. Maybe she has no idea you feel this way, and feels like she's practically doing you a favour by staying around.

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