Hurting

Sade S - posted on 12/28/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I'm 24 with two kids and one on the way. Their all by the same guy, we were on and off for six years. Recently we got into a ugly argument that cause me to either have him escorted or ask him to leave. He chose the hard way. Unfortunately he had a warrant. They took him dec 8th he came home dec 10th but hasn't been back to my apt since. Last night he told me to move on and I really don't want to I love him dearly. He's 21 years old and I feel he's confused but I could be wrong any advice.

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Sade S - posted on 12/28/2013

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Your absolutely right, and I thank you guys. The faster I tell myself this the faster it can be done. I think I loved him more then he ever loved me but ACTIONS don't lie.

Michelle - posted on 12/28/2013

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I agree with Jodi, you are teaching your children that what you have is a "normal" relationship and are setting them up to stay in abusive relationships or even become abusers.
You need to think about your children, not you. You may think you love him but it may just you being scared of doing it on your own. It's amazing the way us women convince ourselves that we are "in love" with someone who really doesn't love us or can' even commit. We even convince ourselves that we are to blame for his abusive outbursts.
I have been there and it took me a long time to leave. I have also had to rebuild my self esteem but it was the best thing I've ever done.
My children (from my first marriage) are now a lot more settled and relaxed. It's amazing how they are affected.

Sade S - posted on 12/28/2013

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That's truth!! And I appreciate your honesty. Thank you! I never looked at it like that. Your absolutely right. I lack guidance so I look for it but this is a wake up call.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2013

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Also to add, "on and off" for 6 years is not confusion, it is lack of commitment to the relationship. I'm sorry it has taken you this long and 3 kids to figure it out.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2013

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Actually, it's not a different story when love is involved. There are children involved in this. You have no right to subject your children to something that is "on and off". They have a right to some sort of stability. Use that as your motivation to move on. Give them some certainty in their lives. You are either together or you are not, but this "on and off" thing is giving them absolutely no role model on how a relationship should work. You are subjecting THEM to your uncertainty. That's not fair. I don't care how you feel about it. I care how those kids are feeling. The minute you gave birth to that first child it stopped being about you. Fine, maybe that is harsh, but that is the reality. It is time to grow up and face it.

Sade S - posted on 12/28/2013

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Your right, but when loves involved it's a different story! But I have to find it in me to move on.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2013

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You have been "on and off" for six years. That was never a healthy relationship. Why are you having children to this man when it is clearly not a stable situation? Whether you move on or not is up to you, but if it were me, I would. Just be aware, however, that YOU would be moving on from him, but the children never will, so you need to maintain a friendly co-parenting relationship.

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