Husband plead guilty to assault charges now mad at me?

Kim - posted on 04/24/2010

I'd like to stay in touch, know how things are going, help with finding resources etc. my regular e-mail is sharpita@hotmail.com.
Stay vigilant, make no excuses for bad behavior, and get to work on that plan.
Big hug!

Kim - posted on 04/23/2010

As a former domestic violence counselor I can say you did the right thing. I can also say violence tends to escalate. Is there a women's shelter near you? Do you have a support network? Put aside some money and make an escape plan just in case there is a next time. Good luck. Been there

DAWN - posted on 04/23/2010

IF IT HELPS ANY YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. ABUSE OF ANY KIND IS NOT ACCEPTABLE AND THE PERSON WHO DOES THE ABUSING WHETHER SEVERE OR NOT NEEDS HELP. DON'T BE MAD AT YOURSELF FOR HAVING THE STRENGTH TO STOP THIS. SOME WOMAN NEVER GET THAT CHANCE. YOUR HUSBAND MAY BE MAD BUT WHEN HE THINKS LONG AND HARD HE CAN ONLY BE MAD AT HIMSELF. MY STEP- SISTER WAS KILLED BY 9 GUN SHOT WOUNDS INFLICTED BY HER HUSBAND, SO IN HONOR OF MY SISTER DON'T FEEL GUILTY AND HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH, GOD WILL SEE YOU THROUGH THIS

Nell - posted on 04/21/2010

I don't understand why, if you are not happy with him, you are still with him. If he has pushed you and threatened you, he's not worth staying with. On the flip side, however, good for you for going through with the charges and showing him that behavior is not tolerated. I hope things work out for you!

Wendy - posted on 04/20/2010

You did the right thing. If you would of lied for him, that is like sayin' "baby hit me one more time"...(exaggerated)! This lets him know your serious and know what's right from wrong!!! Sorry your in a crisis, but you did the right thing!

Brianna - posted on 04/20/2010

YES you did the right thing, and I hope things work out for you though please always keep in mind domestic vilence always starts out with a small incident and esculates from there. If he ever gets the inclination that you wont go to the police or seek help he will esculate. DONT ever let him make or convince you to move a distance away from support or family as this will give his anger permission to take it out on you. If it ever happens again where he lays a hand on you for no matter what reason un justly leave. Protect you and your child at all costs GOD will not punish you for that.

Mae - posted on 04/20/2010

I am a Christian also but no man has a right to threatened a woman and if your marriage ends in divorce then maybe that is God's will

Maxine - posted on 04/20/2010

sorry if i sound harsh, but you need to put some faith in yourself, face reality and get this man out of your life as quick as you can move on get on with your life and learn from it you have a lot of growing to do and in the future steer clear of mentally unstable men that have issues and are aggressive your children will thank you for it, and you will remain sane move ahead good luck

Carol - posted on 04/20/2010

I heard someone say the other day "When a man abuses you once, you're a victim. When he does it again, you're a volunteer." What would you say to your daughter in the same situation?

Linda - posted on 04/20/2010

You did the right thing. Sometimes we need to practice tough love to help the ones we care about. He needs punished for his actions or he will just continue to do them and think he can get away with it.

June - posted on 04/20/2010

I consider myself a christian too and there's one thing I have to say to that. If he hits you once and gets away with it, he is liable to do it again. Now I'm ot saying going to counseling is not a good thing because it is and if he is truly willing to go get help, then ok. But you did right by not lying for him. God wants all of his children to be loved but He doesn't want us to be a fool for anyone either. I don't believe in divorce either but sometimes, it may be the only option left. In my case, it was the only option because there was no way I'm going to say with a man who is physically abusive.

But I do hope you and your husband can work things out but it if doesn't...trust me God will forgive you if you should have to choose the divorce option. Sometimes, it can be a matter of life or death.

Julie - posted on 04/20/2010

I have been there for 17 years, I was there! Get out, fight for cutody of you children, God will understand. Do it for your kids, if you can't do it for yourself.
Remember, th best indicator of the future is the last few months. We did it all, therapy together and apart. Five years later, he treats his new wife EXACTLY as he treated me. My boys (age 10 and 12) watch it and learn from it. Scary, huh?
I will pray for you and him!!
God Bless Your family.

Kathleen - posted on 04/20/2010

you did the right thing

Michelle - posted on 04/20/2010

I left for my daughter. I knew how guilty I would feel the day she picked a mate that showed her so little respect. get out while you can, it's not easy but it does gets worse.

Angie - posted on 04/20/2010

I definetly agrree. You did do the right thing for sure. Your husband needs to understand and pay for the actions he did and he also needs to know this is not something that needs to be taken lightly. You need to protect your family.....no matter what. Good luck

Bernadette - posted on 04/20/2010

hi cecilia, i recommend you and your husband, read 9 things you must do to succeed in life and love, by dr henry cloud.best wishes bernadettexxx

Valerie - posted on 04/20/2010

Good for you for sticking by your decision he has to be responsible for what he did. I have read a lot of the responses below and agree with a good portion of them. Be Careful if he is capable of doing it once he will probably do it again. However I dont agree with you leaving him if you dont want to and you dont feel you need to at this point. Counseling is a good first step and if he is going it shows he cares enough to want to work at it. I have seen what people are capable of when they truly love someone and I for one am grateful that the love was there. If it had not been I would not be where I am today. If he loves you and is willing to take the first steps to show you he wants to get better then allow it. Let it go until you feel it is not working then you need to get out quick. You may be surprised at how important you really are and he may not even know how important you are right now. It may be just the thing to pull him out of whatever it is that is going on and give you the chance for a long happy relationship. Give him the opportunity to change but dont let him walk all over you. It is a very fine and confusing line sometimes but it is possible. I have to just say that you are an extraordinary woman to stay and give him the opportunity to make things better for your whole family. Just make sure you know where to draw the line and dont let it get out of hand so that you end up just getting hurt.

Ashley=) - posted on 04/20/2010

Thanks Deborah Gober for explaining it for us... i fully understand now:-)

Robin - posted on 04/20/2010

omg.. are you crazy? he will continue to do this to you ... i dont understand women who let men treat them like crap and then continue to have a relationship with them..and no of course not why would he think that you would lie for him..men are psycho and yes promise not to do it again...so the next time he does it make sure you have him arrested and make sure you leave him...not believing in divorce..would you rather end up in a box and him go free...use your head and do what is best for you....dont worry about him he will find someone else to beat on

Penny - posted on 04/19/2010

I have read a few replys... enough to post my thoughts for now. God would want you safe! Be very careful, if you think there is a chance it might turn ugly get away as quick as you can. This is one area that God understands the reasons why you need to leave... safety! If he hasn't hurt you and I'll pray that he doesn't, counseling is good, but go with your gut instincts if it looks like he wants revenge. And if he is being abusive verbally etc... and counseling isn't helping, leaving even if it is temporary, might be a good solution with that also. It isn't like you're the one "giving up" it is like he isn't making an effort to treat you humanly, respectfully and lovingly. His head is wrong and he needs lessons of love and if he isn't willing to fix it and/or he doesn't think it is his problem, then it won't get better. I hope the counseling is going well! God wants our mates to be believers in God and do right by their loved ones.

Janel - posted on 04/19/2010

I am like you, a Christian who does not believe in divorce -- with a few exceptions. Breaking covenant is a legitimate reason for a divorce and it states such in the Bible. God specified that a man is to take care of his wife, not abuse her. I agree that you have made the proper decisions about trying counseling and getting things right in your marriage. If your husband is willing to try this (really try, not fake his way through it and continue blaming you for what is going on) that is great. Time with God will be essential for you during this time as it will get you closer to HIM and you will know what HE wants you to do. If your husband is willing to have his time with God is even better (talk with your pastor). If your husband is not willing to do any of this please do not feel you have no way out. God never intended for anyone to remain in an abusive relationship. I got this information from conversations I have had with my pastor. I pray it helps you.

Allie - posted on 04/19/2010

You are a very strong person to stand your ground like that , and by doing that, it should show him that you are not willing to put up with him doing anything like that again. Keep your head up high, and try to work thru any issues that you have. It's not easy being married, having kids, etc. But if you can communicate truthfully to each other about how you feel , it will help. IF you move, be sure your family and friends know where you are. If he decides to try anything and you find yourself stuck,you may need them to fall back on. Good luck to you! :)

April - posted on 04/19/2010

"I concur April but if a relationship is salvageable then should one not give it a try? Cecilia did say that she does not feel like her life is in danger. Her husband acted out and she didn't want to take a chance and therefore called the police."

WAIT WAIT WAIT....so if someone hits you it's ok?! That's messed up!!!!!!!!

Deborah - posted on 04/19/2010

Dear Cecilia and other Moms on this post:

There seems to be a question about the non injury assault. The legal definition of assault is "an act that creates an apprehension in another of an imminent, harmful, or offensive contact. The act consists of a threat of harm accompanied by an apparent, present ability to carry out the threat." This could be verbal threats, coming at you with clenched fists in anger, making a motion with his hands of using a gun, knife, or other weapon....you probably get the idea. Now, if your husband had touched you (hit, pushed, pinched, kicked, whatever the case could be), then that is considered battery. Put the two together and you get the phrase "assault and battery", which are really 2 offenses, not just 1.

With regards to what you are going through mixed with your religious belief, I agree with most everyone here, Be careful, observant and safe! God wants what is best for you, your children and your husband. It could be that the best thing for your husband is to have to atone for his actions, taking responsibility, and possibly having to work very hard at fixing his own issues before getting his family back. I think you should remove yourself and children from the home and get into a safe house, and don't let him know where that is. He should have to prove himself to you and your family and friends that he is rehabilitated, remorseful, and won't even consider abuse again. I include your family and friends because they can see things that you don't. Good luck, and God Bless you and your family!

Pam - posted on 04/19/2010

Have you ever heard of Mary Beth Whalen? She is a Christian author with Proverbs 31 ministries. I heard her speak at our church's womens' ministry meeting and she and her husband went through the same thing. She pressed charges and he went to jail and God restored their marriage. Here is her website in case you're interested in seeing her story. I hope it encourages you.

http://www.marybethwhalen.com/

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2010

My husdand and I had a fight and he told me to go ahead and call the cops and see what happens. So I did and he went to jail, we did not know it at the time but I was pregnant with our second child the court told him if I lost the baby they were going to charge him with murder in the second degree. I stuck my ground on a lot of things ok and not saying that you should back down. But I say dont move with him, now me and my husband worked things out, ok, counseling and lots of work and commitment, but never once did I let him move me away from my safe place, where I knew people and could get help.
Men that like the mental abuse not the physical want you alone away from others so they can make you trust only them and make you feel worthless and no one loves you. God has his hand in this and you are reaching out for help he does not condone abuse at all in any shape or form. You make this race continue on without you there is no next generation and we have to teach them how to be and act, and your husband is not being the best example.

Brandi - posted on 04/19/2010

I am so sorry that this is going on in your life. You did do the right thing no matter what he says to you. There is nothing honorable about assaulting your wife whether there's injury or not. You need to do what's best for you and your children. Keep going to couseling if it is helping, but don't lose faith.

Kiara - posted on 04/19/2010

You shouldn't feel bad, but you can't expect him not to be mad at you. He assaulted you, did you think he would be cool with you defying him again? You have the right to stick up for your self and he needs to take it like a man. However I feel you should remove yourself from the household, if possible, until you have completed counseling. I don't know what a non-injury assault is, but violence is violence. Christian or not, you should separate for a while. You don't have to seek a divorce, however you need to protect yourself and your children (or child).

Debora - posted on 04/19/2010

I concur April but if a relationship is salvageable then should one not give it a try? Cecilia did say that she does not feel like her life is in danger. Her husband acted out and she didn't want to take a chance and therefore called the police.

April - posted on 04/19/2010

Being Christian is not an excuse for not divorcing him! Reference the Bible! It states abuse and cheating are REASONS for getting a divorce.

Debora - posted on 04/19/2010

Reynelle's submission gets my complete vote. She makes a lot of sense. I know its easy to say leave and some women have stayed and paid for that decision with their life. Everyone's situation is not the same and you said the assault was not injurious but I figure the abuse of those who told you to leave was and they are passionate about it. Seek divine intervention and if one family can be spared complete break up I say hallelujah. God bless I will say prayer for you.

Ashley=) - posted on 04/19/2010

If your husband never hit you how can he plead guilty to assault charges?or be charged with assault if hes emotionally or mentally abusing you its still so very wrong and the children will suffer and could need up be more hurt by you for allowing there dad to stay and do that.I believe everyone deserves a chance but bullies usually don't change so please listen to your heart you seem like you have a good head on her shoulders most would of lied for their husband and you didnt.:-)i don't believe anyone can tell you what to do or whats best you know whats best and i think you will make that right decision based on the love you have your children and the need to protect them and show them how to live in a good healthy environment.

Lesa - posted on 04/18/2010

Sweetie, I am 47 years old - not saying that is the end all to all questions, however, I need you to listen for a moment - to your heart....

This isn't about your beliefs. You said you had to call the police. I don't know you and I adore you already! My momma always said, ' the two hardest jobs you will ever have are - Being a wife and being a mother and not necessarily in that order. The bible doesn't say 'stay with a man who is abusive' in fact, give it a close look - let me know what you find that the bible says about marriage - a man and a woman and what the roles are. Please let me know if it says that a women that loves a man shall stay with a man that is abusive. Cuz I will surely go to hell. I divorce that one!! I didn't mind making the mistake but to raise children that would model that??? Not so much. Wasn't thinking that was GOD's plan for them or me. GOD does play a part here. GOD doesn't make mistakes, people do. How will you ever explain this to people that love you or you give birth too? Does the cycle continue or stop with you? GOD also gave you a brain, use it sweetie. GOD is very busy taking care of our military and their families too. He is very busy and gave you all that you need to LIVE, LAUGH, AND BE HAPPY with a man that will respect you.

Love and kisses from TEXAS ~

Love and best wishes ~

Crystal - posted on 04/18/2010

Hi i think you did the right thing as a mother a protector to your young child(ren) a mother will alway's pick their child over some one who is willing to do that...

Cecilia - posted on 04/18/2010

I see what you are saying but he has never hit me physically but I do agree that there was damage that was done and the trust is not there anymore I couldn't imagine my child being the victim I would for sure leave if that ever happened I appreciate your comments.





To be honest I am an atheist but I do believe in doing the right thing is imperative & that this is ultamately for the betterment of mankind. I don't really think divorce is always the right option but I DEFINATELY DON"T THINK that binging up a child in a voilent environment is acceptable, you have an opportunity here to teach your child that violence is wrong, no matter who the perpetrator & that your child needs to love & respect themselves & this means standing up for themselves & what is the right thing. Even if it means that you bring up your child alone, you are teaching them that to love & respect themselves & this is by modelling this behaviour yourself, are you prepared to wait until your husband is violent with your child, oh I hear you say he wouldn't do that, well I bet you never thought he would hit you eigther, could you really live with yourself if your child was the next victim,???????????? You say there was no injury, what about the psychological injury & what ideals is this teaching your child. LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Believe me, they will never change you are wasting your time if you think he will, & even if he does, well you can wait till then (after you have left of course) & he can prove himself then, but the damage is already done, the relationship & including trust can NEVER BE THE SAME AS BEFORE he crossed the line. Good luck, I wish you all the best. xx

Kym - posted on 04/18/2010

To be honest I am an atheist but I do believe in doing the right thing is imperative & that this is ultamately for the betterment of mankind. I don't really think divorce is always the right option but I DEFINATELY DON"T THINK that binging up a child in a voilent environment is acceptable, you have an opportunity here to teach your child that violence is wrong, no matter who the perpetrator & that your child needs to love & respect themselves & this means standing up for themselves & what is the right thing. Even if it means that you bring up your child alone, you are teaching them that to love & respect themselves & this is by modelling this behaviour yourself, are you prepared to wait until your husband is violent with your child, oh I hear you say he wouldn't do that, well I bet you never thought he would hit you eigther, could you really live with yourself if your child was the next victim,???????????? You say there was no injury, what about the psychological injury & what ideals is this teaching your child. LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Believe me, they will never change you are wasting your time if you think he will, & even if he does, well you can wait till then (after you have left of course) & he can prove himself then, but the damage is already done, the relationship & including trust can NEVER BE THE SAME AS BEFORE he crossed the line. Good luck, I wish you all the best. xx

MaryLou - posted on 04/18/2010

First of all, you are not alone. I was in a similar situation as you, 12 years ago. I drop the charges. It was the WORST MISTAKE of my life. Because I did, he did not stop others were hurt over the years. What you did was right, and now he knows that if he does it again, you are not going to just roll over and die. He has to understand that what he did was wrong, too bad if he is mad. If he doesn't then he is worth it. This how it all starts, and you just stopped a bad ending. if he can't forgive you, knowing you believed that it was the right thing(somehow even with the assault being non-injury, something must have told you that not dropping the charges was right). Then your marriage is pretty much cooked and it is time for you to move on. Divorce or no divorce.

Melissa - posted on 04/18/2010

I feel you Cecilia, WOW. I don't envy your insuing days of condemnation from your husband. If you truly are at peace with your course of action, hold onto that no matter what. It will see you through the turmoil ahead. I volunteer at a local Family Care Center and see this scenario again & again. You are not in the wrong-- he was (is), especially if he hasn't confessed to you/ apologized. Hang in there Cecilia, cause he may never do this, but for you & you conscience, you must sick to your guns and not back down. That isn't to say you can't show him forgiveness, mercy, love, but those things should be unconditional anyway. What he does need to see is that you are NOT going to tolerate any abuse & that you WILL hold him to the promises he made when you first got married. It's a sad road, but build a support around yourself and you never know what could come out of this, especially if you are praying for him! Blessings.

Ashley=) - posted on 04/18/2010

Lets just hope for your sake he doesn't do it again but from what i read in the papers from people once usually means again and again if you don't leave.I think if he is mad with you he hasn't seen he was in the wrong and it doesn't sound good.If he truly was sorry he wouldnt be mad at you but mad at himself.



I wish you the very best i do believe in god but i also think believing in yourself is important and it just takes a strong woman to stand up and walk out, GOD wont punish you for that.

Does god want women to stay in abusive homes with there children watching there mother being hit.I would like to think not.Wishing you the very best.

Sasha - posted on 04/18/2010

u did the right thing ive been thru the same thing before, it sucks! keep ur head up and do whts best for u and ur baby!! Good luck

Judy - posted on 04/17/2010

I am also a strong believer, but I was in a marriage that was anything but healthy, and it was severely damaging my children. Someone gave me the book called Redemptive Divorce -- and it changed my life. I would highly recommend it! Stick to your guns and do what is right. The Lord will lead you -- in spite of what others may do or say.

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2010

he may not do it again right away...but you do realise he will do it again. i'm sorry but abusers dont stop. i watched it with my father. he started off beating my mom.....then it turned to my older brother. thats when my mother left. my partner would hit me or the children once and i'd be out......never go back. just be careful...he's mad because you testified against him...watch yourself and your children...

Jackie - posted on 04/17/2010

yes u did the right thing .you have let your husband know tht you will not stand for bein treated badly so good for you xx

Becky - posted on 04/17/2010

I'm in the same boat now.when i was pregnant my husband was charged with an assault on me.At that time he was given a 2 yr suspended sentence, and if anything happened again he would have to serve a 15 wk sentence.that time came a few wks ago he is now serving that and has to go to court in june.even though he never caused any physical damage what the police have charged him with carries a life sentence.I know what he did wasn't right and i did the right thing ringin the police but it doesn't warrant a life sentence.Being a christian myself i know its happened for a reason.My husband has alot of issues as he was an alcoholic for 20 yrs and since he became sober 2 yrs ago has found a normal life differcult.But god has helped him this far so i just pray things will work out for both of us in the end.wiyhout our christian friends i don't think we'd have made it this far.So al i can say to u is keep ypur faith i know in my heart it will all work out.x

Kathy - posted on 04/16/2010

Cecilia, one question. Does God stand for love or violence??

I understand your confusion. The counseling is a great idea. Of course he mad at you, it is easier than being mad at himself. I would advise not to move away from your support system until you know for certain that he has worked out his anger issues and there is no chance there will ever be another issue of domestic violence (non-injury or not). Give him a chance to learn that touching in anger, calling names in anger, belittling in anger is wrong. Let you both learn how to communicate properly. It is something that takes time and counseling is wonderful at teaching. One thing though, if after a year, things don't improve, please reconsider your situation. If you have children, you will teach them that is how parents treat each other instead of what a healthy loving God-fearing marriage is. You know in your heart that is what is right. Good luck my dear.

Kelly - posted on 04/16/2010

I was in your shoes 13 years ago. Exact same situation. You did the right thing, believe me. #1 you have a record if anything should happen again. God loves you and has put accountability in front of your husband. He may not like it, but it will help him grow. #2 You showed love for yourself by setting a boundary. God made you and has a purpose for your life. Even though you will not forget the act, work on total forgiveness for your own peace that God will use this. #3 You may have just saved your marriage. By loving him but still loving yourself your marriage has a chance to start in a new direction. Pray desperately for your healing of the wound and God to make you husband the man He created Him to be in your home.



Note: In my case after a few years, the 6 months in jail was forgotten. It is a flaw in the system. Make sure you have something in writing as to the judge or magistrate's decision. Some how where I'm at they erase files on these type cases and the security you thought you had is just an old police record with no details. I beg you to get this outcome and put it in a safe place. Praying that it will never happen again, but really think as you are going through counseling. I am still married and do not believe in divorce. But it is better to divorce before children then after children and several more incidents. Anger is a hard battle and it seems the wife is the outlet. Especially if he's done it before. Just looking in "hindsight". The control gets worse and you become someone God never intended you to be. These hurts are deep. Either way, God will be there for you....be strong. If God moves you, follow Him NOW! Love, Your sister in Christ....

Rebecca - posted on 04/16/2010

you did the right thing. i have also been in the same boat as you (pressing assult charges on a partner). i pressed charges on my son's father when our son was 3months old, yes he held it against me for a few months but he got over it and accepted that what he did was worng, i moved out of our home we shared together and moved in with my parents for a year untill i was sure that my son and i were safe when we moved back in. i stayed with my son's father and have had a lot of crap from people who said i should of got rid of him. he hasnt assulted me again. My SO went to a men for non voilence coruse that was court orderd and couldnt pass untill he had actually lurnt something from it (its the kind of course where you take from it what you learn and put into everyday life).

we also went to couples counsilling which was a great help to us and we are now stronger than ever.

good luck, and if you EVER feel like hes going to assult you again ring the cops and get into a safe house untill you feel safe enough to come out

Bethani - posted on 04/16/2010

i say just get out of the whole relationship before it turns really ugly.

Tracy - posted on 04/16/2010

Honey, you do realize that now he's really mad at you, which will give him the excuse to beat the dog snot out of you soon. Maybe to the point where you can't call the cops....

You say you're christian and all, well if god loves all his children don't you think he wouldn't want them to stay in a dangerous situation? Would you want your child to stay in a relationship where they lived in fear? Actually, they already do and the pattern will repeat with them.

Kelly - posted on 04/16/2010

Please listen to what Stacey says. Of course you want to believe that he can change, but the fact that he is mad at you right now sends up a red flag. If he in any way is feeling that this is your fault, HE HAS NOT CHANGED! If he can blame you for any of this, he can justify to himself his right to do it again. If any part of him is saying that you deserve it, it will happen again! He has to admit to himself that what he did was wrong, period. End of story, no "buts". I hope and pray you will be safe, and make the right decisions. Good luck to you!