Husband says he does not love our son :(

Mel - posted on 12/17/2010 ( 85 moms have responded )

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Thank you all for your encouragement, honesty and prayers. i just wanted to update you all and let you know I am currently with my children elsewhere with family. I couldn't bear what had transpired and late last night we were packed up and gone. Just for the record i was NOT at home when this all went down i was at the dr, he is NEVER with the kids alone because he hasn't felt he had the skill set to deal with all situations that arise, and normally would leave the situation completely when getting really frustrated and angry. That is our deal. But it still didn't stop me from being sometimes scared by the intensity of his emotions. There was NOT EVER any hitting on the head, he kept repeatedly smacking him on the leg (still COMPLETELY unnacceptable); but it does not change what happened or what was said, or the fact that the other adult in the house at the time felt they could not help or control the situation that had arrisen. If there was ever any hitting on the head there wouldn't be a hole deep enough to bury him in. But we have gone, cause as i explained yesterday, the whole deal is toxic, and for him to even do this once is enough for me to say you are no longer safe. Thanks everyone. I will update next when i get the chance.

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Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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Get out now! He is abusing your son physically, mentally and emotionally...how much more do you need?

Go to a shelter and worry about the details later, they'll help you figure it all out, including restraining orders, money, housing, jobs etc etc etc.

Nicole - posted on 12/17/2010

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Document everything conversations, phone calls etc! You need to get your children out of the situation. I am so sorry for you but especially your SON! Good luck!

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Melissa I am actually sitting here crying my eyes out after reading your story. Honey you need to get out of there as fast as you possibly can. Your son and daughter need their mother to protect them from this bully. I don't think your husband should have any contact with you or the children. I am so worried for you right now. Please keep us posted so we know you are safe. I'm praying for you. Stay strong.

Candace - posted on 12/17/2010

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GF this man is abusive..if the children are scared and you feel threatened for the children... if you leave why would he care since he cannot deal with his son.. for the problems that he has... poor man... if u do not get out he just might go on a rampage.. not to frighten you but my gf was murdered by her husband for he has been cheating and the confrontation went down killed her and he is in prison and there are 4 children left with no parents.. please there are shelters to go to.. perhaps friends, get a court order for
keeping him away from you and the children... get out while you still can help the children grow and understand that there is better out there and they do not show the same tendencies when they get older.. remember children learn what they live... he is not a role model that you need for them regardless that he is the father, since he has not or shown feelings for the boy is just terrible the boy and the girl need to understand that men are not like that..
OH HONEY PLEASE MOVE AND MOVE NOW... THE HELL WITH YOUR HOME AND EVERYTHING GET SOME$$$ AND CONTINUE TO PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER AND STRIVE FOR A BETTER LIFE FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND YOURSELF.. get a set of books Dance with Anger, and other copies they are great for women who have and are living in a abused situation. When Oprah was doing her big Give I wanted to do something went to the woman's shelter and they needed those books and bought them at stores and ebay for the women... if u cannot get one let me know I will send it to you

Hayley - posted on 12/17/2010

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Hey Melissa,
I have to aggree with all the other ladies whose responses I have read - get out NOW!! Sure, it is going to be hard, but leave and then evaluate your situation with a counsellor. If it helps, write down all the things you need to do to build a life with your children. House, phone, power, food, car, furniture, schooling, counselling ect. And work down the list. YOU CAN DO IT!!! YOU CAN MAKE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON YOUR KIDS LIVES!! and most of all DO NOT leave the children with him again. Talk to a counsellor and make the resolution that you are going to be pro active and positive and make the best situation for your children. He IS a violent man and maybe you need to talk to a counsellor to help you define that in your own mind - BE A SURVIVOR, NOT A VICTIM!! and do it now before your children become victims.
please let us know how you are doing!!

Laura - posted on 12/17/2010

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Alright, I'll throw my 2 cents into the ring: You need to leave! Do not stick up for this man's actions--you are enabling him by doing so--he IS a violent person who has, according to your description, abused your son! Your job, at this very moment, is to provide safety by remove your children from this person! Go to a friend's house, stay with family or even go to a women's shelter--just get out! There will be time afterwards to sit and try to sort stuff out but only worry about that once you and your kids are safe...

Charlie - posted on 12/17/2010

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Leave , go , now .

Your children deserve to be somewhere safe and loved , I don't know why it is even a question , good luck I really wish the best for you and your children .

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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There is something wrong with your husband. Get out now. Protect your kids and THEN find out what is wrong with him. But, just get out. Please.

Alina - posted on 12/17/2010

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You need to take your kids and leave this asshole. As a mother you have to protect you children good or bad, Packing your kids and leaving will be a new start for you, it will be the begining of a new life for you and your kids. There is someone out there who will love you for who you are and love your kids too. Sorry but you don't need this around yourself and especially the kids, kids are not stupid they know when something is wrong. This problem will only get worse. If you need to talk please feel free to call me night time is best for me when my kids are getting ready for bed. My number is781-480-3146 I know someone who has an apartment for rent. Any way that i can help you i will. I do not approve stupidaty around child. I know someone almost in the same boat your in. I hope you move foward with your kids and do the best you can for them and for yourself. I also know some place who will help you get stuff you need for your house. Not welfare or dss just some very nice people. Believe me they are out there. Any way I can help you please let me know. I wish you all the luck in the world with this problem. Take care of yourself and your kids. Good luck call me if you even just need to talk a little. Take care

Dana - posted on 12/17/2010

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I hope you're too busy packing to respond. You and your children deserve better, please get out of such a harmful situation.

Merri - posted on 12/17/2010

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Your son is to young to protect himself. He is depending on you for that now, leave as soon as possible and dont look back. Dont only leave for your son but for your daughter as well. She must feel terrible seeing all this stuff happen. Your children should come first no matter what. There are alot of agencies that will help you. Go to a church they can even point you in the right direction. Do what ever you need to but protect your son from this hurt

Felicia - posted on 12/17/2010

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Get out now. Never put your children in harms way. Mental abuse can hurt more than hitting.

Dora - posted on 12/17/2010

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You should definitely get your son out of that situation. It is not safe at all. The mental and emotionally abuse your son is dealing with because of his father is just as bad as physical abuse.Whatever you do don't leave your little boy alone with him anymore. Go with your gut instincs. Also document everything and get a restriner order against him. If he said he is going to smack him until he bleeds that is ABUSE. I really feel for your son and daughter and they deserve better than that. You sound like a mother who truly loves her children and you can definitely provide the loving environment they need and deserve. Good luck with everything.

Melissa - posted on 12/17/2010

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hi, deffinatly leave!!! it will be healthier for all three of you if you were to leave. he may not be violent now but who knows. im a single parent with 2 boys 3 and 5 and yeah they are out of control but thats just the ages they are at. i think its safe to say that you will be doing the right thing in leaving. it may be hard but it will be worth it in long run. wish you all the luck xx

Jeanna - posted on 12/17/2010

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i hear you loud and clear!! i have to tell you that i think you already know the answer and its too hard to believe. you are nowin the same place i was, you have to chose between your husband and your chikren. its clear what the chice is. your son,if continued to be exsposed your your husbands lack of control and patients will causeyour son to have exteme self respect and self love issues!!!! not to mention that he will grow to believe you wernt there for him or protected him!! you are already living by your self and dealing with disabilty issues without your husband now you just have to get the peace!!

Tracy - posted on 12/17/2010

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He's smacking a 4 yr old, threatening to KEEP smacking him until he bleeds, but this isn't a violent man? I'm sorry, but that is blatantly false. This man IS violent, toward your very young son. His own MOTHER is calling you to tell you to get home asap. He's clearly a danger to your son, and the fact that he's so disconnected with the child makes him deadly.

Get out. NOW. Don't stop, just run like the Devil is chasing you and your kids. Oh wait, Daddy is the Devil in this case.

Melissa - posted on 12/17/2010

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sorry to hear that, but it is to late for dad, but not for your son, husbands come and go but not children , i hat when moms love to the husbands always comes first when love for the children should always come first! your his mom and have a duty to protect him !!!!! By you standing and seeing this all happend is so i am so mad at you...waiting around to see if your husband comes around is just not worth your child getting bullyied by his own father!!! you need to leave him , and dont dare leave him with your son alone , he does all this when your thir inagaine what he does when your NOT there!


sorry for the mispelling but typeing to dam fast bc i cant believe this is happening to that poor child!

Jackie - posted on 12/17/2010

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Ditto Laura. This shouldn't even be a question...

What's the difference in saying that he doesn't love or ever like you? It would be the same thing to me. You don't love our children then you don't love me. Although I would tell him what a horrible waste of a person and a father he is too.

But, on the other hand... don't risk him getting the opportunity to beat the shit out of your son. Just GET OUT ASAP!!!!

Sharon - posted on 12/17/2010

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Just gonna add my 10K plus posts weight to this one. Get out hun.

one day you will come home to something tragic or you won't wake up from something tragic. GET OUT.

Lisa - posted on 12/17/2010

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You say that he is not violent but smacking a 4 YO boy on the head repeatedly is child abuse. I would get out and do not let him see your son unsupervised. You, your husband and your children also should get some type of counseling for what you've been through.

If not for yourself, then for your children. Think of what it is teaching your son on how other people should be treated. Think of what it is teaching your daughter on how people get treated!

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Ditto Laura. I hope you are out of there already and don't come back to this post until you are NOT anywhere near him anymore. If you read this and haven't left... grab your kids and GO. Please.

Heather - posted on 12/17/2010

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YES!!! Leave him now, before the smacking becomes punching or worse! I'm so sorry you & your kids are in this position :( You must do what's right for your son, he deserves way better than that. I say leave today if you haven't already, the sooner the better.

Isobel - posted on 12/17/2010

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so you packed your bags and left? Please tell me you packed your bags and left :(

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I would leave. Your children need to be your priority and it's our responsibility as a mother to keep them safe. They deserve a loving environment where they will be nurtured. If their father will commit to family counseling then perhaps you can work things out later on. But it definitely sounds like he needs help. Best wishes to you.

Merry - posted on 12/17/2010

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Out out out out!
Please get out. Do NoT leave those kids alone with him, do not trust him for one second.
Please, protect your kids,this man is likely to kill that boy if he gets mad enough.
Please get out tonight.
Yes tonight.

Jen - posted on 12/17/2010

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you need to lave him get out take ur precious kids with you start a new life this man i use the term lightly shouldnt be around kids if thts what his like. you deserve better n your kids deserve a whole lot better

Angie - posted on 12/17/2010

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I agree with the other ladies, get out NOW. Don't for a second believe that you and your daughter are safe from his beatings - he is a violent man.

Lissa - posted on 12/17/2010

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Get out now, go to a shelter, I wouldn't wait to find a place of your own, who knows what may happen between now and then.. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment, what he doing to your son is abuse. He is hurting a little boy who cannot protect himself, it is your job to protect your son and daughter. You say he is not violent yet he wants to smack your son until he bleeds, if this is not violent I don't know what is. GO NOW get you and your babies safe, please let us know how you get on.

Katherine - posted on 12/17/2010

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If your MIL is telling you to get out, you need to GET OUT. There are woman's shelters there are places to go, if you need numbers PM me and I will give them to you.

That must be a horrible thing to have to go through.

Violence is a big trait among Aspies and if he is beating your son and your daughter is seeing this you have no choice but to leave.

It sounds like your MIL would be very supportive, maybe you could go there?

Found it: http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/







* Contact



1.800.799.SAFE

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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I agree with all of the other ladies. There may be something going on with him besides his Aspergers for him to act like that, but in the meantime, you are responsible for those children, and must get yourself and them out of that situation. You're right -- your little boy DOES deserve better than a father who loathes him and threatens him. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you -- it's a hellish situation for any woman to be in, but your instincts to get out and protect your kids are spot-on. And like Tah said, if his own mother is worried about what he's like with the kids, that's a big red flag right there.

Good luck with everything.

Rae - posted on 12/17/2010

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hunny for the love of your children, get the @#$% out of the situation...... No man should scare you, particularly one who is the father of your children... It will be much healthier for you and your kids to get out. He will only change if he wants to (maybe medicated if he has other problems as well ??) but I would really suggest not hanging around intil he does this. If you are in Oz i can give you numbers of charities and agencies to help you to separate and get you back on your feet. It is a slow process but one you wont regret. You owe it to your children to keep them safe, Unfortunately I had to do this to. When you said dad has Aspergers, i can roughly imagine the relationship you have with the kids father, as my kids father has it to. I hope you have friends and family that you can lean on for extra support but if not remember you are a strong woman and you have to be strong for your kids and you can make it. X

[deleted account]

Hi my heart brakes for you.. But you are in a terrible toxic relationship GET OUT… rather lose him as to losing your kids.. It is up to you to protect them..

Tah - posted on 12/17/2010

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you need to leave and i am glad you are working on that but it needs to happen now. He needs help. When there is admittedly no connection ir positive feeling towards a child it makes it much easier for the person to justify "smacking them until they bleed". If his own mother is worried and calling you then have to pay attention to the signs. If my husband ever said that it would be time to go for the well-being of the children. Staying in that situation is not healthy for them or you. I am praying for you

Johnny - posted on 12/17/2010

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I am so sorry that you are going through this. I just want to second everything that Jodi said. This is a terrible situation for your son, yourself and your daughter. It sounds like perhaps even your MIL is concerned by the situation. There are all sorts of groups that will work to help women in your situation, perhaps try calling your local crisis line, they can often refer you to the right people who can help.

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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Oh Geez. This just breaks my heart.



You need to get OUT, QUICK. This man is an abuser. Sorry, but HUGE red flags. He has no right being a father to EITHER of those children. To even imagine someone saying they would smack a 4 year old until they bleed, I'm sorry, that just makes me physically ill. I am an objective observer (as in I don't know any of you), and that just brought a lump in my throat, tears to my eyes, and nearly made me want to throw up.



Do you have family you can go to. Friends? Whatever it takes, you need to get out. You are doing the right thing. I understand this is tearing you apart, but this is just an absolutely toxic situation, and it is not good for ANY of you.



Also, start looking for a good lawyer. ASAP.

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