I am a mommy, but not married.

Angie - posted on 11/24/2009

I was in the same situation at one point in time, I had 2 children with this man. I thought it would be the best thing to stay with him even though we had really hard times. We never married and our kids were 8 and 10 when we finally went our own ways. My children had to go through counseling and had a hard time, they just wanted their parents together. I would suggest that you do move out on your own or with your parents until the day you decide to get married, whether it is to him or not. It is hard to do when you love someone, but you have to make sure that he is ready to me apart of you because of you and not just because you had a child together. As for the church part, I was away from my church for a while, I am now back into church and thankful. Go to church and take your son with you, you may not be able to change a man, but you sure can raise one with God in his life and God will put you on the path you need to be on.

Mary - posted on 11/24/2009

Hi Anne Marie,

We all go through difficult times and it sounds to me your going to be ok. The only thing is that your turning away from the only person that will ever make you happy, God he is the only one that know what you need. Turn to him ask him what to do he will answer you. You just need to listen and open your heart to him. God will get you through anything. You should start by taking your family to church. Making God part of your family is a great start to any new relationship. He loves you and will always forgive you. Make Him the center of your life and you will see all the rewards he will give you. Your already have a gift from him and if it doesn't work out with David just remember he was not the one for you. But he was the one who gave you your beautiful baby and always love him for that. May God bless you and your new family.

Sandra - posted on 11/23/2009

Red flag,ding,ding, he's been married three times before! Allow your son to have a relationship with this man as his father, but save yourself more pain, don't settle for someone like that! You sound like an unbelievably sweet girl who deserves so much more!...Sounds like you are talking about the Catholic church, just to clarify, you are always welcome in the church as we are ALL sinners. You can return, your son can be baptized and you can receive a weekly blessing, but not communion. If other people snub their noses at you just remember "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I do not think your mother would want you to marry this man to eventually see you divorced and in more pain. Leave him, trust me, he will make a decision fast, if he is for you, he will soon realize it and do the right thing, if he is not, then you can make a good confession, and move on with God's grace in your heart. This can happen to anyone. The most important person in this scenario is your son. What do you want him to take away from this? What kind of man do you want him to become? He will learn from his environment. Be the rock in his life, be a proud mom,know that he is a blessing and that God loves you both. David needs to grow up, sorry. I wish you all the best.

Chrissy - posted on 11/23/2009

dear annemarie, i'm so sorry you are going through this situation, it sounds like you need a hug from The Lord to begin with, to know He has a perfect plan for your life, to know He loves you very much. i will pray that will feel His arms around you, like a warm blanket, i will also pray that your heart will be healed and the broken pieces will be brought back together, your mind will be healed from all negative passes. first up, forgive yourself, forgive your parents, forgive this man who has let you down. ask God to make things right, He is bigger than all of your problems, and will make a way, give you a peace. It is good for you to go where you feel safe loved and supported at this time.... go find this place. yes, find that special church that will accept you and your beautiful child, that will pray for you, love you support you and make friends that speak into your life of God's awesome goodness. read psalm 139.and 119v105.
start reading your bible.
you also need to understand boundaries....- great book. you need to start protecting yourself so you can be a great mum. feel free to stay in touch. yes i do understand, my life story has parallel's to yours. chrissy

Jeanette - posted on 11/23/2009

I lived with the father of my daughter for seven years and we never married and now were are not together but we still care about each other At the time we were both married but not to each other, we lived as a couple. You should find another church that will accept you for who you are not for the way you choose to live there are alot of couples that live together and never get married.Times have changed and God knows that more then anyone and no matter what don't ever give up on God ask him to help you through this and he will answer you .

Candace - posted on 11/23/2009

I Moved in with my boyfriend! and my mother told me I was going to hell pretty much, I stoped going to church and gave up on God. Seeing I was living in sin there was no use to even try and have a relationship with God. But God kept calling me and telling that in his eyes he saw us as being married we have been together for 12yrs we have a daughter and another one on the way.If you love this person take it one day at a time if there's a problem with God ask him yourself and pray about it let him help you out and block out what other people think go with you heart.

Laurie - posted on 11/11/2009

Girl, I was in a similar situation with my daughter' father a years ago. I was with him for a year and got preganant. I come from a christain family so it was hard for me to tell my mom also. My family pushed me to marry him. I spoke to him about it a couple of times and he told me the same thing David told you. I spent 3 years living with him until one day a girl called my phone and told me she was 6 months preganant with his child and was calling to advise me that he planned on moving in with her once thier baby was born. I was devastated. I was hurt and my daughter was hurt. I didnt know how to move on since I had hope that we would get married for so long. I am not saying that David is like this, cause every man is different. But I will be 31 in a few months and one thing I have learned about men is that they NEVER do what they dont want to. If David is telling you he needs time, then give him time. He is NOT ready. I left my daughter's father and it took me a long time but I started dating again and I met this guy and all he kept talking about was marriage. I was so heart broken about my daughter' father and so scared that I was pushing him away. to make a long story short, I am getting married December 3rd. He is the perfect father to my daughter and we are expecting our first child. The day I got pregnant I told him and the first thing that came out of his mouth was that we have to get married before the baby comes. I didnt even bring it up this time. Your David is giving you the run around. He doesnt want to marry you (right now). He is ready to play house becuase you have a kid together but he is not ready to settle down and have a family. Personally, I think you should move back home with your mom and take care of your child and get yourself together. Dont put your hopes on marrying David. God will strengthen you and bring someone into your life that is worthy to be your husband and your child's father. It may be David or it may be someone else. Any man can have a child but not every man can be a father and you shouldnt force them to be. Just do your part as a mother. One of two things will happen. 1- David will open his eyes and realize what he is missing out on and straighten up or 2-you will find the family you are looking for. Dont put your child through the emotional pain of getting use to daddy in the house and if things dont work out, he will be hurt and suffering. Thats what happened to my daughter and I had to explain to her why daddy wasnt in the house anymore. Now she hates him. and remember, always put your child FIRST no matter what your family says. Ask youself, is this the kind of life/ example you want to set for your child? (living with daddy but mom and dad are not married and are living in sin). Do you want aaron growing up and thinking its ok to treat a woman the way David is treating you? Stand up for what you want, what you believe in, what you know you are worth. You shuoldnt hang around until HE decides he wants to get married. You will see your whole life pass before you sitting there waiting for him. If its a family you want, build one with you and your son. The right man will come along and make your family complete. You wont even need to ask for it. The final decision is yours but I am only telling you this becuase I been there. Good luck honey.

Iris - posted on 11/10/2009

I am not married and I have a child, and I do not want to be married, I live with him, I think if someone is comitted one dsnt nd tobe married, I do not understand why two grown people have to be legally married, mom has to come to terms with your decisions and one does as well, I think it is unfair that u were willing to sleep with him and he dd not have to be married to you, but now he is expected to beacause there is a baby.... forgive me maybe I am immature and have no morals, but it ds not make sense

Carrie - posted on 11/10/2009

I am in a similar position. I was raised catholic. I wanted marriage, then move in, then have babies. My partner understood my position, but he didn't want to get married. Wasn't sure if I was the one. He had been burnt by an ex wife. As much as it was against my beliefs, I decided being with him was more important than a piece of paper. We have a wonderful 7 month of son together. Still not married. I think you need to decide if you can be happy with your partner without marriage.

Deborah - posted on 11/09/2009

He wants his cake and he wants to eat it. What a cowardly, selfish brat he sounds. Give him a deadline. If he hasn't proposed by a certain date, he's leaving. If he doesn't grow up he'll cause you, and Aaron, nothing but pain. Good luck.

Sue - posted on 11/09/2009

I think Rachel hit it right on the Head, I was in your spot lets say 35 years ago, When it was really frowned upon more than these Days, And I like you did not believe in bringing my child up unmarried. I loved my Childs Father so much also like you. But i could not believe that he did not want to marry the Mother of his Child, I in my 8th Month of Preg told sat him down and told him one Night after dinner that this was too important to me to give up the way I truly felt about this. I told him that I did love him but I also loved myself and that when I had my Baby I would be looking and moving to my own place. That he would always be the Babys Father. I was sad but fully as firm in mind that this is what I would have to do to respect myself as I was not feeling very loved or respected and for me this is what I needed to go on and take care of my soon to be born child. This was for me no one else and this was how I felt and I was just hoping and praying my hurt would not overwhelm me for too long as I had to be strong and be a loving Mom. In my case my babys Father wanted to get Married not long after that talk. And we have been Married now for over 35 years. How ever everyone is different and if you are not willing to carry through with out him in your life as a partner I would not tell you to do the same. To me I would just rather know and not waste years away with someone that I gave so much of myself that I was having his child and it was not important for him to have me as a wife I felt it would be better to hurt then then later. I also would pray on it. And follow your prayers and heart. I wish you well and a happy life whatever you decide.

Melissa - posted on 11/09/2009

Hi AnnMarie, my name is Melissa and I am in a very similar situation as you. Yes I to grew up in a Christian home and have slipped and fell but our God forgives and he loves us just the same. My advice to you is first, if you have not repented do so and then forget about it. God has already forgiven you and you need to forgive yourself. Second, don't even think about adoption because the best person in the life of your son is you. Third, move back home to your parents. They will provide a sense of security and covering for both you and your son. Your mom will be your mom, do not let her pressure get to you. Seek God and let him show you the right way. I had considered moving out and a number of people talked me out of it. All I could say is God knew, my daughters father left us when she was 13 weeks old and did not show up again for about a year. I'm still living with my parents and if nothing else they have my back. Forth, find a good church home. You need to be grounded and slowly build yourself back up.You need to be surrounded by people who are like minded as you want to be and won't try to detour you. God is not wishy washy and unlike David he wants you forever. Fifth, and last, don't even consider marrying David any further. Yes I know it is easier said than done because God and everyone else who knows me knows that I still love my daughter's father but I love me more. Love God and love yourself and love your son, don't look for time to be on your side because our time is not God's time. You may be holding on to David and God could be trying to get your attention to focus on him. Do God's work and he will do the rest. I want to recommend 3 books that have been helping me as a single mom and as a single woman of God, "Tony Evans Speaks Out On Single Parenting", by Tony Evans, "Seasons of a Woman's Life", by Lois Evans, and "A Jewel in His Crown, rediscovering your value as a woman of excellence", by Priscilla Evans Shirer, yes they're a family. I pray they help you as they've done me. Be strong.

Shelly - posted on 11/07/2009

I would give it time. I know a little about this. When I got Pregnant with my son Me and his Daddy had just started dating.Well we thought well we are having a baby and we both didnt want our son to have to go back and fourth, and I thouhjt I loved him. So when I was 5 mon we got Married. At First It was Great I thought we had everything.. Well My son is going to be 5 in april and me and his daddy have not been together in 2 yrs we are in the working of getting a Divorce.I would already have it if he had keep his promise of paying for half,but when you have no job anymore because you lay out all the it kind of hard to pay 900.00. And he dont even pay Childsupport he see our Son on sat about 6:00pm and bring him back sun at 4:00pm. Sorry so long but you need to make sure this is the right thing to do..dont rush anything because of pressure just rember in the churches eyes Divorce is way wrong..hope this helps

Anna - posted on 11/07/2009

Dear AnnMarie,



I Come from a catholic background, I got pregnant to my boyfriend, we did marry because of all the hype about bringing a baby up and being unmarried. My son is Now 23 and our marriage lasted nine Months. We divorced and Im glad to say that if I'd listened to my self and not others I would have saved myself and my son so much pain and heartache. My parents were very strict, but believe me, (my father passed ) He said that the one regeret he had was forcing me to marry my ex. My son had contact with his dad on odd occasions but that stopped when he was 3. If ur relationship with ur sons father is good the way it is Why force Marriage.Maybe ur sons father needs more time, I know its hard at the moment but give it a little more time, men hate being pressured, the more u push the more they back off. Maybe if u spoke to ur minister/Priest and made them understand how u felt, they might be able to help.

Try and enjoy what you have maybe if you ease off, things will work out for the three of you. And believe me pressure from family doesn't make it any easier, take each day as it comes Good luck and I hope all works out for you. (hope I've helped abit.)

Michelle - posted on 11/06/2009

I am a mom of three and I was married, not no more and have been with same man now for almost 10 yrs (he is the father of my youngest two children) and we are just together, we do things as a family, and my mother was none to please to see us living together but this is how I see's it, """" it's what works for us""". If you do things that other people want you to do, then it may or may not make you HAPPY. David MAY have been in a relation that he got hurt into and don't want to see marraige right now, just give it time. Hope this helps.

Carol - posted on 11/06/2009

I have 4 kids, the first 2 I was married the 3rd he walked away from us after she was 4 months old and was married for the 4th one. Get the hint If you love each other and are willing to be together, that can last a life time. You don't need a piece of paper to say that you Love each other or your child. Your NOT living in sin this is a new world. If you feel that church is that big of a part of your life you will find one that will except you as you are and who you are. Be there for your child THAT is your life. Never be embarrassed for who or what you are. Your a MOM your made of tougher stuff than that.

Lyn - posted on 11/06/2009

Hi annmarie!!!



I think the fact your having to ask these questions proves you already know the truth to this. You dont need a man in your life to make your little boy happy and balanced you seem to be doing fine on your own!!! There are worst things in the world than bringing up a child in a loving, stable home with no wed-lock. Todays society is a little different nowadays than what your mum has been brought up in and I think you may just have to explain to her. Please do not be embarrased about this, think your decisions through first before you find yourself thinking in 50 years time, am I truly happy with this man? did I make the right decision?. Life is all about choices and you have to make the right one not only for your son but for yourself. Take care xx

Laura - posted on 11/06/2009

the only two people that know what go on in a relationship are the two people in it. are you really and truly happy, and see yourself growing old with this person? are you confident he feels the same?

he can be a wonderful part of your son's life, without being a partner you've settled to be with.

ultimatums are never a good way to go.

Christine - posted on 11/06/2009

Dear AnnMarie;

Oh my goodness, but I feel like you are a kindred spirit. I only knew my bf for a few mths when we got pregnant. I did not think it was possible for me to have a baby, and now I have a beautiful 9 mth old little girl, and she is the light of my life! Her daddy and I are living separately right now (very recently - only 3 weeks ago), but I pray and am hopeful that we will be able to work it out. I agree with so many of the comments here that you should wait until David decides he wants to get married on his own. You want to be sure he wants to be with you for YOU, not because of Aaron. Aaron will grow up and move out on his own, and you don't want to be with someone who is just waiting for that day to leave too.

As for your church, shame on them for judging you! Who amongst us is without sin?

Find another church that will love and support you and your son! There are so many out there! I attend a fantastic one and they fully support me knowing that I am not married and have a baby!

Best of luck to you. My thougths and prayers will be with you and David and Aaron that it all works out as it should.

Hugs, Christine

Margaret - posted on 11/06/2009

I would not marry that guy, if he is wishy washy. It sounds like he is immature. I say move on and concentrate on improving yourself and raising your son. I would also get some counseling from your pastor and do alot of praying to God to get close to Him.

Andrea - posted on 11/06/2009

You have to stop taking pressure from your mom and think about whats best for you and if a church is really about god, they will let regardless of what you living situation is. This is your life and you have to live it regardless of what everyone else thinks.

Andrea - posted on 11/06/2009

Quoting AnnMarie :

I am a mommy, but not married.

I found out i was pregnant last year around this time. David (the dad) and i weren't really together. infact, we didn't get together until christmas eve. it was a complete shock for us. i took 5 pregnancy tests just to make sure i wasn't dreaming. i grew up in a christian household and went to a christian school. telling my mom was not an easy task. she actually told me to think about adoption so my child could be raised in a complete household. well, after david and i decided to get together, we decided to move in together which like to kill my mom. we thought that would be best. i want to get married to him and have another child with him one day. david on the other hand has a different story. he has gone back and forth 3 times on marriage. saying that he isn't sure about our future, meaning marriage. he doesn't know if he ever wants to take that step with me or with anyone, but wants to be together right now. it really hurts to know that the person i want to be with doesnt' know if he wants to be with me forever.
any suggestions on what i should do? i thought about moving out and back with my parents...but i love david and i want him to be in aaron's life. but what do i do about the marriage thing? even though i got pregnant before marriage, church is important to me. i tried to join a church but can't until i either get married or move out. this is so embarrassing. but i need others on the outside opinions.
i love my son and woudlnt' trade the past year for anything. i just don't want him to get used to us being together as a famliy with david still being wishy washy. i told him that if he hadn't made up his mind by feb then i was moving home but he has already told me he needs more time. am i over reacting? i mean we will only be together for a year come christmas...i guess my thing is pressure from my mom...i guess somewhere in my head i figured since we are having a child we should get married...but that is def not the case. any opinions and advice is welcome!

Terri - posted on 11/06/2009

James 4:7 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin. Don't let Satan have the victory AnnaMarie. Let David and your little one know that though you've went against God's will your willing to do right and follow Him. It may be a hard decision but God's way is always the best way. Prayers with you.

Tina - posted on 11/05/2009

Hi and how are you doing, God loves families someone has to specially Mom and family pressure to do the right thing. The Right thing to do is in your heart, I have been with the same man for 27 years had 4 sons 27,23,18,7. we dicided to get married after I had my last son so this Dec 6 will be 7 year that we have been man and wife and there is no difference but having the piece a paper. Also I worked in a church for many years while living in sin, and god and I had many talks. As long as I show god how much I love him he loves me back and is there when ever I need him. So Annmarie he will see that you are a great mom and still believe in god love and raise your son to love him to you are going to be just fine.

Sharareh - posted on 11/05/2009

Dear AnneMarie,
First and foremost congratulations on the best gift, god can ever give any human being. I empathize with you, because after reading your story I know that your having a hard tome choosing a path. I am not where you are, but one thing is for sure is that David does care for you and just needs time to make up his mind. I am not sure but I think you want him to be with you because he's feeling are mutual not because you made a child together. I say you have him know, show him how wonderful a family life can be. Tell him often that you care and stop giving him ultimatums, because maybe just one day you'll regret it. As far as making your mother happy. Talk to her an explain that you didn't plan it this way and know that she's a grandma she should enjoy being there for him. As far as church, please find a new church that excepts who you are and what you stand for. I wish you a great deal of patience, followed with happiness.

Iysha - posted on 11/05/2009

Do you really want to belong to a church that regects you for any reason? Work on the relationship, and give David time to think about it. I just recently got engaged...and to tell you the truth, I'M the one who isn't ready. I don't know if my Fiance is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with...I love him, want to be with him, but I am really not sure. Marriage is a HUGE commitment....Having a baby with eachother was an even bigger one. Relationships take time, and there's no saying that the relationship will work out even once married! Give him time.... He is the one that is supposed to propose and he will do it when he feels it is the right time, and it is up to you to take it or leave it.

I like the Idea of marriage better than the actuality of it. I like the idea of saying "my Husband" and the thought of people not thinking I was some tramp who got knocked up, and I like the feeling that might go with knowing that I am a married woman. In actuality, It is just like what I am doing now...We live together, love eachother, have a baby, might want more, and we continue to have issues and come out of those issues successfully because we actually work at it. A marriage would be the same thing. Just more paper work if it doesn't work out and more $$ spent on the ceromony. In my oppinion, you pretty much are married...just not legal =] Give it 6.5 more years. just kidding =]

Deidre - posted on 11/05/2009

First you have to think about you and your baby. You have only been date him for a year this christmas maybe it is a little to soon for marriage look at all the good things and bad and if the good wins wait a little while long. You shouldn't let your mother control your life so if you decide to leave him get your on place because she's going to throw it up in your face forever. Do whats best for you and arron.

Tina - posted on 11/05/2009

Well AnnMarie, I wouldn't pressure him because that will only cause you and your household to be miserable in the end if he gives in to something he never really wanted. I understand that it hurts to hear that the person you want to be with doesn't or maynot want to be with you. It's like okay I was okay to lie down with, but not good enough to marry. Not to mention you had your body all stretched out of whack and had his baby. With your Christian background and upbringing I know it makes it much harder but the deed is all ready done and God forgives. It's people who have a hard time with forgiveness. Although it is not easy I would still make the move and if he wants to be with you he can still make that decision without the two of you living together. If he decides that he wants to get married then I wouldn't move back in with him until you are. We girls are conditioned that it should be marriage and then the baby carriage. I too believe that but like you it didn't work out that way for me in that order. The important thing is for you and your son to be happy and living stress free. As far as the church not allowing you to join until you are either married or moved out. I don't really agree with that but I guess all churches have their own rules. But it would seem to me that acceptance would come first and then teaching of the beliefs. I wish you all the luck and hope I said something that would help.

Jada - posted on 11/05/2009

This is clearly just my opinion. You do not want to marry him if he is not ready. As a girlfriend you still have the choice of dealing with him as a wife you will fight to be with him. You don't want to marry anyone that has to be forced. Give your self time. I would not suggest that you go home to your parents. You are grown and it is clear that you value your mothers opinion. Make decisions based off of how you feel and not how other people look @ you. So what if your not married God knows your heart. Go to church and pray and that will help you decide you future. Don't run away from God based on how other people view you! You have nothen to be embarrassed about! You love you son and you are trying to create a family for him at least you are trying. Slow down with the marriage thing and try going backwards with David. Go on dates and continue to learn each other. Attend church with or without him. Make your decision based on you and your son. No one else. You are a woman and sex = emotions for us. Allow your self to love him for who he is and not just because he is your childs father. Believe in the power of prayer and watch how things will change. Trust me our kids are smarter than what we think they are. Just keep loving your son. He will trust your judgement in the end.

Jada - posted on 11/05/2009

Quoting AnnMarie :

I am a mommy, but not married.

I found out i was pregnant last year around this time. David (the dad) and i weren't really together. infact, we didn't get together until christmas eve. it was a complete shock for us. i took 5 pregnancy tests just to make sure i wasn't dreaming. i grew up in a christian household and went to a christian school. telling my mom was not an easy task. she actually told me to think about adoption so my child could be raised in a complete household. well, after david and i decided to get together, we decided to move in together which like to kill my mom. we thought that would be best. i want to get married to him and have another child with him one day. david on the other hand has a different story. he has gone back and forth 3 times on marriage. saying that he isn't sure about our future, meaning marriage. he doesn't know if he ever wants to take that step with me or with anyone, but wants to be together right now. it really hurts to know that the person i want to be with doesnt' know if he wants to be with me forever.
any suggestions on what i should do? i thought about moving out and back with my parents...but i love david and i want him to be in aaron's life. but what do i do about the marriage thing? even though i got pregnant before marriage, church is important to me. i tried to join a church but can't until i either get married or move out. this is so embarrassing. but i need others on the outside opinions.
i love my son and woudlnt' trade the past year for anything. i just don't want him to get used to us being together as a famliy with david still being wishy washy. i told him that if he hadn't made up his mind by feb then i was moving home but he has already told me he needs more time. am i over reacting? i mean we will only be together for a year come christmas...i guess my thing is pressure from my mom...i guess somewhere in my head i figured since we are having a child we should get married...but that is def not the case. any opinions and advice is welcome!

Kristin - posted on 11/05/2009

A child and church and your mom are no reason to get married. It sounds like David is a flip-flopper and honestly, that is the last quality you want in a father/husband. David has a lot of growing up to do. You are an adult, you need to remember that. I understand how important your mom is to you, I feel the same way about my parents, however, I am an adult who makes my own decisions and sticks to them. You need to stop allowing your mom to get into your head about it. You've made a decision and a baby is a WONDERFUL decision and you need to stick to your guns. As for your church, I feel you need to find a place that will take you in for you, not for you "only if you change you" I grew up in a catholic household and went to catholic school from K to 12th grade (I even went to a catholic university for my masters degree) so I understand religious guilt from church/parents and even my own. I realize church and God are important to you, but remember, God can hear you anywhere. You don't have to physically go to church to talk to God. My mother got married to her first husband when she got pregnant with my oldest brother and it ended horribly. My brother was the ONLY reason she got married to him because she was pressured by her church and her mom in law.... it ended horribly and my brother and his father have NO relationship. I am not saying that happens with everyone, but he as also a flip-flopper. Good luck with everything and just always remember that your baby Aaron is a gift from God even though he was a surprise!!!!

Kryss - posted on 11/05/2009

I have one question, you cant go to church any where bc you have a baby and not married? I understand the whole reason of your embarassment but, if a church turns you away or thinks differently of you...i wouldnt want to be in that church to begin with.
If your sons dad isnt commited it may not wrk...although i stand strong on wht i believe..things happen....mayb moving in with parents or on your own would be healthy..then you might find some clarity...pray abt this and believe in God that he will help you through this! You willl be mentioned in my prayers!

JOAMIE - posted on 11/05/2009

My boyfriend and I seperated for three months last year. When we first got back together he said the most hurtful thing he had ever told me, "when you got pregnant, I felt like I had no choice but to be in this relationship".It took me walking out on the relationship for him to realize he couldn't be without me.He stayed in the beginning for the kids and now is with me for me. If he's a good father he'll be there for Aaron anyways. The biggest mistake you can ever do is to pressure him into marriage, the greatest feeling in the world is to have your partner value you relationship and want to take it to the next level ON HIS OWN!

Nadiyah - posted on 11/05/2009

Do not rush the process. He is not there with you yet and it may actually happen but it will take time. Enjoy the relationship and time you all have as a family for the moment. He may just be nervous, but when he is ready he will let you know. If you rush him you may actually be scaring him away for you and child. No matter what your child deserves a father unless abuse is in the picture. Take care and do not rush yourselves into a marriage just because of a situation. I am sure there are many things about him you need to learn on a relationship level. It is better to find out now than after marriage. I hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes.

Stephanie - posted on 11/04/2009

I'm with most of the other moms it looks like, I am not married to my baby's daddy either, but we've been together for 6 years! We love each other very much and neither one of us is planning on going anywhere, but he had a very hard childhood when it comes to mom's marriages. I think he simply has a bad connotation with the idea. He may never be ready, after seeing so many fall apart who would want to. It did help though when I was in the hospital giving birth to my son, the nurse I had wasn't married and her and her man had seven children! So, just because he doesn't want to get married right now doesn't mean that he's going to leave, it just means he's not ready. And you can't push these things, he'll only regret it and you don't want to get married under those pretenses either. Just let all things come in due time, don't worry about it. p.s. my parents' are very religious and not happy with our living arrangement either, but i'm happy, joseph's happy, and daddy's happy. That's what really matters. Hope this helps

Tera - posted on 11/04/2009

Here's my opinion on this, I am also a christian and was urged to get married. Like you, Brett, the father, is the love of my life and I have loved him for a very long time. We had only been back together about a week (after 8 years of being apart; we were high school sweet hearts for 2 years) before I got pregnant. Brett asked me if I wanted to get married and when I told him no, he was relieved. He also had some pressure to "do the right thing". Though I loved him with all of my heart, I didn't know him very well. As with anyone, you may find in time that they are not the right one for you. Yes, it is a sin to have premarital sex, but it is also a sin to get a divorce. There is no sense in compounding the sin. Yes, you love David now, but like you said, you have only been together a year now, most of which has been consumed with the two of you as expectant parents. Though you feel like you know he is the one for you right now, who's to say your feelings won't change. In my situation I thank God every day I didn't get married. Brett turned out to be someone I don't really like. I will always love him, but I can't live with him. I am very thankful I lived with him for 5 months, because I learned a lot about him, things I couldn't live with. We are in the process of moving to separate places, things are not very good between he and I. Whatever you do, if you ever feel like it isn't right, get out while you still have your friendship in tact. You can raise your child as friends, but it will be very difficult to do as enemy's. I hope this helped, best of luck to you, David, and Aaron =)
p.s. keep in mind that all circumstances are different and just b/c it didn't work for me or many others, doesn't mean yours won't. Just keep your eyes open and listen to your gut instinct...that instinct will lead you in the right direction the majority of the time.

Tere-Teresa - posted on 11/04/2009

have you spoken to the pastor at your church? try this website, the pastors here may be of some help.... and have leads for you. http://www.ifre.org/new

also, dont get married if it does not feel right for both of you, all together. even if you are Christian, it is wrong to "live a lie" - what would Jesus do? what would the great teacher tell you? raise this child in a lie that his parents just got married because of him/her? not a good idea, cause if the marriage ever failed, that child would fall apart. better to be good friends, not live together, raise the child together in a solid friendship and move on. Love has to be real in Christ to succeed, it doesn't seem you have that.

good luck and blessings....

tmcc/tere

Sue - posted on 11/04/2009

Girl first of all. If you asked God for forgiveness that is all that matters. Don't worry about what other people think of you. That goes for your parents on down to your friends because when the day of judgment comes. God is going to be looking at you and not anyone else. Far as putting your baby up for adoption, NO. The sin was in the making of the child and now you have a blessing. Don't let this stop you from joining a church and getting the Word of God. God loves you even though you have committed a sin. This is why he sent his only begotten son to deliver us from all of that sin. GOD LOVES US DEARLY. No matter what our downfalls are. What you have to do now is ask for forgiveness and repent. If you are trying to get yourself right with God and your partner is not. It will never work because a believer and a non-believer cannot become one. I was in the same situation that you are in. I am pregnant also. I had my child's father living with me. Which for one is a no no because we are not supposed to be shacking. The beginning of my pregnancy was so hard for me. I was always having stomach pains and frequent headaches. The day I packed his things and took them to him all those pains and headaches were lifted. See God will not bless us if we are not in a position to receive his blessings. Don't give up your baby because it is a blessing. The only person you have to answer to is God. Matthew 7:1 says "Do not judge others, and you will not be judged." So please don't worry about what people think. You pray and ask God to guide you in this situation. You and your baby are going to be okay. Because God already knew about your situation before you even knew about it. You take care and God bless you.

Lisa - posted on 11/04/2009

I am having my seond child with my partner and we are not married. We have been together nearly 3 years and my partner just jokes with me if I bring up marriage but I know that he is happy with our family. We are not religious so we do not have the issues with church that you do but at the end of the day it is your life not your mums or the churches.. If you are happy with this man then stay with him, if you are not then leave but do not let your mum dictate what you should do. Do what is right for you and your son.

Laurie - posted on 11/04/2009

Hi AnneMarie
First off let me tell you that God loves you and your child. the bible makes that clear,religion and religouos people are not "christ like people all the time". jesus said ANYONE who comes to me I will in know wise cast away, he also said clearly that every child is placd in the womb by him "before i formed you in the womb of your mother I knew you".
I think that you are wise to keep your child and that you are honored by God that you did not give him up or abort him. God has a plan for your son. I am sure that it is hard for you that your family has not opened up to you. Let me tell you that when I was young I had a child out of wedlock myself and when he was 5 I met my husband of today and have been together for 25 years now. My sons "real father" left us when he was born. My son died 7 years ago and left us with a beautifl grandaughter. things happen for a reason and we need not judge oneanother but love oneanother.
I would move in with your parents and love God and lov your son with all your heart.Sounds like this guy your with now is not in eaither of your best intrest, why not let God bring the "right guy in" trust him and wait and see what he has for you.
God bless you and your family
laurie

Allison - posted on 11/04/2009

I absolutly do not think you are over reacting at all! my bf and i were together when i got pregnant. as soon as we found out he started cheating on me. everytime he would do it, i would take him back and believe that he wouldnt do it again until i just couldnt do it anymore. i moved back home and as much as it hurts i know it will be for the better. he didnt want to grow up any and i wanted to be with him more than he wanted to be with me. and in the end you cant put in 100% and not get anything back. if you want to talk more then just send me a messege! i'd love to have someone to relate to.

Bec - posted on 11/04/2009

Don't let pressure from anyone guide your decision, may I recommend the salvation army as a lovely church who are non-judgemental ( if they are the same where you are as they are here) I have grown up in the church also, last year I left my husband, this year my 15 year old niece fell pregnant and through it all there has been nothing but love and encouragement to our whole family. My parents who have grown up christians in the church have been amazingly supportive of everything. I keep reminding my sister (the 15 year old's mother) the verse that says 'what satan meant for my hard, the lord will use for my good' Let the lord take this situation and make it for good. Start considering the best for you and the child without taking David into account, look for a place to live, perhaps sharing with someone in an area that has good child care facilities so you can work or study, make a life for yourself and bring your child up the best way you can, kids are very understanding and will understand your situation as he gets older. You'll be amazed at how a show of independence will make David seriously consider what he wants, it may take a while but if it is you and your son that he wants then this way he'll be sure of it.

Jessica - posted on 11/04/2009

One more quick thing, since we broke up I committed my life back to God and amazing thing have started happing. God is there for you when you are ready to submit to his perfect will for your life.
Little side note God love you just the way you are, Pregnant and not married so don’t let any “church” make you feel bad. Children are a gift from God, anyway they may come

Jessica - posted on 11/04/2009

Well I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I to went to church as a child. I got with my children’s father about five years ago and thought we were ganna get married but then about 6 months into the relationship started seeing red flags. But I loved him so we stayed together and then I found out I was pregnant. With that pregnancy came the desire to get my life together for my child and go to church again and get married. That is when I saw even more red flags, so many I couldn’t ignore them any longer. We had a very rough relationship for a long time until I couldn’t take it any longer. I gave him dead lines that never got meet. So finally I told him that I’m done when my son was one an a half . To top it all off I found out that I was pregnant again with my daughter.
So with my long story come the advice, Don’t settle even if you love him. It hurts, I know! You deserve to have everything you want out of life and if that means a marriage, and a family then go after that.
I look back over the last five years and I think that if I would of stood up for what I wanted in the beginning then it wouldn’t have turned out like this. Don’t get me wrong I am completely happy being a single mom of two, but it would sure be nice to have someone here too

Andrea - posted on 11/04/2009

I agree with Kim Diener. You don't need the piece of paper to have a family. My boyfriend and I have been together for little over a year and have a one month old girl and for right now the most inportant thing to us is our little girl and that she is healthy and happy. We love each other vary much and keep working on our relationship. If church is important to you find one that works for you.

June - posted on 11/04/2009

Quoting Sonia:

My favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." This is not to say marrying David is the wise or leaving him is teraring it down. I find when I am faced with lifes difficult decsions I open my Bible and the start to read and quite often the answer is given to me. My point is what did you feel in reading that verse? Have you just talked to God about it. Or even put it on the back burner and just start concentrating on your relationship with God. 4yrs ago I was divorced struggling to finish school and at my wits end. I found a church of very loving people that opened my eyes to God's love in putting Him first the rest of my life has fallen into place.I am sorry you feel judged at church I suggest finding a new one if it makes you feel that badly. Truth is you have to remember those pointing fingers at you to judge still have 3 fingers pointing at themselves they just forgot about. I suggest getting a ony year Bible. It breaks it up into so much reading per day. In 5 years I still haven't read the whole thing but I keep trying and I know that God loves me no matter what and God loves you and your son and will NEVER turn away from you.

 

 

..Amen sister.

June - posted on 11/04/2009

(Hug)



There are alot of single mothers in America today raising their children without a male influence in the household. You won't be the first, unfortunately, you won't be the last. It is your choice to have the baby an raise him/her, nurture him/her the best way you, or give the baby away to someone else to raise.



But judging your face, (I did look at your pic), you don't strike a woman who will run away from her responsiblities.



And on a more personal note, What religion are you that you can't join the church UNLESS you are married or out on your own????? Honey, God doesn't discriminate and neither should ANYONE ELSE.



(Hug)



Have your baby, love your baby and raise your your baby up the best you know how. God will help no matter what.



Who knows, your baby could end being the next president or something....Most of all..KEEP YOUR HEAD UP

Kim - posted on 11/04/2009

marriage doesnt change or secure a relationship.me and my partner have been together nearly 4years and have a 9month old boy.we dont need marriage to be happy and together.at the end of the day, marriage is only a piece of paper and if you got married when he wasnt sure and then divorced 1day it would be alot harder on all of u..remember..marriage is 1 of the most stressfull event s to plan etc..would that help an already unstable relationshp??..though, you need to follow what u think is right..mine is only 1 opinion..haha.good luck

Holly - posted on 11/04/2009

Well if he is undecided that he wants to have a future with you after being together with you for a year chances are he will never make that commitment. My daughters father was the same way. We were together for 3 years and he would call me his "wife" and tell me he wanted to get married and then a few months later it would be the same thing, he doesnt see himself ever married. It's a bunch of crap and he is just stringing you along. Dont waste 3 years on someone who doesnt want a future with you the way I did. You can still get along with the father even though you are no longer together with him and he can still be a part of your childs life.

Amanda - posted on 11/04/2009

first of all, no church should tell you can't join or come in or anything of the sort just because you had a kid out of wedlock. Christians are not supposed to judge. That includes the church. You made a mistake you (I assume) have repented.

You need to stick to what you said about leaving in Feb. a year is plenty long enough in this situation for a man to make up his mind. If he is wishy washy on you he will be wishy washy on his son. He might come around after you move back home and he may not but it sounds to me like moving back home is your best option.