I am at the end of my rope with my 7 year old

Jill - posted on 08/05/2012 ( 78 moms have responded )

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I don't know what else to do. At the end of this last school year I was really starting to see signs of disrespect at the end of the year. I told my son by the end of summer things were going to change. Wrong! They have gotten worse.
My husband is the good cop and I am the bad cop. He is home with me and then Daddy gets home and they are buds. Drives me crazy!!
We have taken his Wii away, DSI, his bike, computer, TV. He is upset for a few minutes and then he gets over it and it is like it doesn't even matter. I can't handle the disrespect, NOT listening and just plain laziness and rudeness from my kid. I swear I did not raise him like this. Don't get me wrong, I love my son very much but things have got to change. Please send any advise my way!!

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Lacye - posted on 08/06/2012

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Carol I have to disagree with you on a few things.

1. While it is fine to have fun with a child, we are the parents and not their buddies.
2. While I don't think spanking is going to work in this case, there is nothing wrong with spanking as long as the parent remains calm and in control of themselves. There is a big difference between spanking a child and beating them. Just because a parent spanks, doesn't automatically mean the child is going to fear its parents.
3. I don't believe this child is trying to get closer to his mother. He is trying to get his own way.
4. And we are back to spanking again, a parent who spanks does not mean they are lazy. Most of the time, the parent has tried other methods before resolving to spanking.

Becky - posted on 08/05/2012

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I agree with the writing. My son had a problem with saying a swear word. No matter how many times we'd put him in a time out, explain to him that wasn't appropriate language, etc, I decided to make him write a sentence. He had one sentence to write, but he has to write it on every line front and back of a piece of paper. It took 2 times to do this, and the language hasn't been an issue. We also do this for my 6 year old too, but she only has to write on the one side of the paper. Although, this time around, I did have her write her own 5-6 sentences on why she got in trouble, why it was bad, what she can do about not doing the action again, and an apology. To me, this is a win win. We want our children to learn from their punishments, and writing it out makes them have to think about their actions and the consequences it caused. Plus, it also helps them with their writing.

Angel - posted on 08/07/2012

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Carol I was spanked with a belt as a child on my backside and I turned out just fine. I didn't consider it abuse now or then. Shame on you for shaming a mother who found a way that works to discipline. We are supposed to be offering advice not tearing others down.

Cherish - posted on 08/06/2012

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@ Chaya-Using a BELT is NEVER OK.This person that is your "ward" I would assume is disabled in some way and honestly if they are disabled and you are assaulting them,then they should be taken away and charges should be pressed on you!

@ Jill-Have you read "the explosive child",that book is very helpful.You could request testing for services at school,maybe there is a developmental reason for his behaviors

Lacye - posted on 08/05/2012

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It sounds like you are on the right track with the taking away some of things he likes. I don't know if this will work but when my sister's kids would get into really bad trouble, she would make them write lines. For example: He's being rude and disrespectful to you. Make him write a paragraph however many times you choose. Like:

I will not disrespect my mother and father. I will not be rude to my mother and father. I will listen to them when they tell me to do something. I will not be allowed to play with my toys unless I do what I am told to do.

That kind of thing. I hope this helps.

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Rebecca - posted on 09/06/2013

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It may help to get him into sports and spend less time watching tv and playing video games... Also I may limit his sugar intake some children are very sensitive to it and can act out from the chemicals found in sugary foods... Hope this helps

Della - posted on 08/15/2012

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So the main topic was about how to gain respect from a seven year old, and not the topic of "spanking. " Im so glaD people brought up the writing as agood lesson, in addition the praises of good conduct . I have a 7 year old and yes we have experience of misbehavior, believe it or not I picked a cheap dry erase board and give him different ways to "help " & give him a goal and set a small reward. I WILL put like make the bed, clean after his meal, relibe trash can , feed dog, brush teeth twice a day, I will calculate a goal and if the goal is met he gets his reward...which simply like a icecream cone or a playdate with a friend.

Karina - posted on 08/15/2012

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I agree with you Holly, I have watched with my own eyes how my youngest brother was punished with a belt (he was a hypercative child) and the horrible consequences of that..he wetted his bed until he was 24 years old!!! and take note of this: my father beat him only twice in his lifetime, it's not like he viciousely and consistently beat him ..but I think, it depends on how senstitive the child is...some children grow out of it, others..not so
Perhaps it is OK for some children to be spanked, beaten, whipped (the negative discipilning methods) but I wonder with time if it proves to work or not..it's not just the short-term reaction mothers are seeking is it? I read some stories about the negative implications..if it wasn't bed wetting, it could be other psycological issues which surface when they're adults..this is just my opinion no judging intended.

Theresa - posted on 08/14/2012

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Selling the stuff isnt a good option...She needs to figure out why he is copping an attitude and address the root cause of it...I have a 9 yr with aspergers....and know all about attitude....but it sounds like you and your husband...need to be on the same page...and work together...if your playing good cop bad cop....your child is going to pick up on it...and play you against each other....As for using a belt on your Ward...What the heck are you thinking....yes they may be bigger then you but...you teach a child nothing by using violence, except to be violent...

Tracie - posted on 08/09/2012

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Wow - I am truly frightened by some of the violent answers you are getting.

Run, don't walk, to the bookstore and get "You Can't Make Me (but I can be persuaded)" by Cynthia Tobias. This woman is a GENIUS at helping parents raise strong willed children. She gives concrete examples of how to handle situations so that everyone gets what they need/want, so everyone is happy. It completely transformed my relationship with my strong willed daughter when I read it 4 years ago. Dealing with my daughter now is a DREAM. So easy, so positive. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

Best of luck to you and your precious son!

Kim - posted on 08/08/2012

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Thanks Korrinne, you will find each kid is a little different and what works with one may not work with the other, my youngest was strong willed and that is putting it mildly. With her, i just had to stick with it.She would give me the impression she did not care, but i did not give up. (Hubby and I were a team for sure). I found that her friends were her "currency. So i used that with her, sometimes. I kept her off balance, she never knew exactly what her punishment would be, but it was always something she valued being removed. At one point she was going to school coming home and that was it!! Also had her earn priviedges. However,I also rewarded positive behavior. I always double checked everything she especially when she became a teen. Caught her in so many deceptions..lol. She is a very very smart girl..took a lot of energy to raise her for sure.

She is now 26 this month, she is an awesome young lady and thanks me all the time for NOT being her friend growing up, but being the strong mom she needed! She says she used to think i did not like her, but she said she understands now and is glad I did what i did with her!

Korrinne - posted on 08/08/2012

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I agree with Kim sharpe but I'm going thru a similar thing with my 9 and 7 year olds boy then girl.... I've started putting thier noses on a wall.... It straightened out my 9 year old only took a day my daughter on the other hand still a work in progress but she is a stubborn one..... I think its just that you have to follow thru with whatever you say

Ashley - posted on 08/08/2012

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I had the same problem with my 5 year old daughter when her father and I got a divorce. I am now remarried and can tell you that having a spouse who supports your discipline choices as well as reinforces that your child should listen to mommy really fixes the behavior issues. Having a united parental front shows the child that both parents agree and will stand with each other. It also teaches the child that they can't run from one to the other and get their way. My daughter was throwing tantrums, hitting and telling at me, arguing with me constantly and just not listening. After her step father came into the home and told her repeatedly that what mommy says goes, all those issues stopped. We have a much closer relationship now. I don't have to discipline aol the time and can do fun things now too. One major thing is not to yell at your child no matter what they are doing. It sounds like you are taking the right steps in taking things away. One suggestion is not to take away things that get him physically active. There are plenty of articles on this suite that you can read that provide suggestions on how to redirect poor behavior. You may want to check them out. I found them really helpful. Use positive reinforcement to redirect behavior, each person had their own way of disciplining but for me and my friends we have all seen great results doing this. Talk to the child calmly about what they did wrong AND what you would like for them to do instead. Use each instance of misbehavior as a teaching opportunity. This way they learn what they did wrong and what the property behavior is and can act accordingly. Staying this takes time and patience, but it is well worth it. Good luck!!

Katrina - posted on 08/07/2012

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Do you have a special thing you do or have regularly.Could be choc-chip cookie afternoontea on Mondays, swimming pool on Saturdays, etc etc. Whatever you do that your son would expect to happen or to get. Next time hedisrespects you, be ready, and wen it's next tie to have or do his special thing (within a couple days of disrespect so it's fresh in his mind what he'd done, but same day is reccommended), you just go on with chores or reading a magazine etc, and he'll go "mum it's time to .........." And you'll go, we won't be doing that today. Turn your back and walk away. He'll follw you and keep asking, and eventually you will see you have his attention. Then you can tell him why (because of ....... the disrespect). This is a strategy in a book writen by a renowned family psychologist who has raised a family of 3 children with his wife.This works. Good luck, I hope you find something that helps. Dissrespect is a pet-hate for me too. xxx

Julie - posted on 08/07/2012

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Let me ask you this - "How repsectful are you and your husband to each other?"
Kids learn from Home ...
Listing all that your son has ... I would say he simply wants a mom and a Dad not all this electronic 'stuff' -
Do things with you son to build a close, loving relationship with him ...
I promise, watch what you both say and how you say it - invest your time an energy with your son and he WILL change

Kindra - posted on 08/07/2012

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Dove, reasoning and teaching are two separate things so you're assuming that I don't teach which is not the case. I am not about to sit and reason with any child; however, I do teach my son what is acceptable and what is not and because of that my kid is one of the happiest, most mild-mannered little boys you will ever meet. Carol, you have no idea what you're talking about and your post is filled with a whole bunch of incorrect assumptions. In an effort to not your hurt your feelings I'm just going to leave it at that. Know this though, I am African American and I'm raising my son just as my mother and father raised 2 sons and 2 daughters. Two of us have engineering degrees with wonderful jobs and the other 2 are in college currently. None of us would've EVER attempted to even raise a pinky finger to our parents. It's called respect, not fear.

Carol - posted on 08/07/2012

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Kindra, and when your kids get bigger than you they will knock you down and do what they want and they will do that to their wives and husbands and try it at work and get fired. You are not teaching them anything except fear and domination. I don't want my child to do what someone tells them to do with threats, I want them to use thier minds. I am afraid to be in a world with people raised as you sound like you are raising them. How do you handle yourself when you are out of line - does someone hit you, do you hit yourself? I fear you are going to say you are an adult and you are always right NO NO NO.

Dove - posted on 08/07/2012

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Um... if all you ever do is spank a kid and not reason with them... how do they learn what behavior was wrong, why it was wrong, and how to do RIGHT?! Spanking kids without teaching them better is a 'great' way to parent.... NOT!!!

Kindra - posted on 08/07/2012

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Umm, the reason your kids are acting up is because you're trying to reason with them. They are kids, we are adults...spank them! That needs to be the first option! Time outs and all that crap is silly. I WISH my son would open his mouth in a rude manner towards me...i promise you it would only happen one time. Kids have to know that you mean business with them. Your kids are not your friends; they're your kids so treat them as such until they can demonstrate maturity.

Lacye - posted on 08/07/2012

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Carol, she isn't angry with him. From the way she wrote the post, it's more like she's frustrated with the whole situation. Frustration is entirely different than anger.

Kim - posted on 08/07/2012

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I posted a comment about this issue a few days ago. But after reading some of these more recent comments. This has gotten to be more about some of the wormen's personal issues and not the issue that was initally posted. I hope that the mom who posted her original issue has found something helpful. (Which can be found only in the first few posts it seems). Maybe there needs to be another string to discuss some of these issues here. Anyone who posts here is only posting comments on the presenting an issue. We cannot extrapulate some of the other assumptions found here.



This woman obviously cares enought to post here, to hear how other mom's handle similar issues. That's it. This all we can offer ideas or shared experiences from the presenting problem listed. We cannot assume much of what has been listed here. I hope we can be a circle of moms not darts throwing at this mom!

Sara - posted on 08/07/2012

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Hi have you had a chat with your son? when he is calm and happy sit down and talk with him and see if there are any problems that are making him act up, also remember he is only 7 and trying to assert himself to see how far he can push the boundaries. Keep them firm and consistent but show him how good behavior earns rewards and quality time, where bad behavior gets him nowhere.

Carol - posted on 08/07/2012

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Nope, I was reminding her to focus on the positive and not to get so angry with a little child. She has not reposted and I think she just wanted to be angry with her husband and son not wanted to do anything differently or make it better. I did not accuse her I gave her advice.

Angel - posted on 08/07/2012

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Yea but you can't possibly know that by reading a comment on circle of moms. You are assuming something because it isn't the way you would do it

Carol - posted on 08/07/2012

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Agree Lacye and Angel but in my experience as good as it feels to vent it is always good to remember the good parts and the parts you have some gratitude for. If she just left them out because she is so frustrated she may be leaving them out of her conversations with her son too.

Angel - posted on 08/07/2012

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Carol, she may have not said that because that is not what the post is about, the post was about finding a better way of discipline.

Lacye - posted on 08/07/2012

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Carol the spanking part was not towards you. That was for the ones that are saying to get a belt. What was for you was all that was before that. But you can't automatically assume she doesn't try to do things with her child just because she's venting about his disrespectful behavior. She's a mother at her wits end and doesn't know what to do about it. Focusing on his good qualities is good advice but just doing that is not going to be the only thing she needs to do.

Carol - posted on 08/07/2012

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I was a single parent. I was strict and my daughter behaved. I ALWAYS found time to play with her every day and time to read to her every day. I worked full time. Sometimes our house was not clean, sometimes we ate peanut butter sandwiches and an apple, but there was always time for us to enjoy each other. She is grown now and the other day she said "I remember how you would come home from work, change clothes and sit on the floor and play Barbies with me. I thought you were having a blast. Now that I know what it means to come home exhausted, have cooking and laundry and chores to do I really appreciate those hours on the floor with you." I am judging by the Mom's post. She has NOTHING nice to say about her son. She says she loves him but not that he is smart, funny, athletic, sensitive or anything nice. I advise her to focus on his good qualities and enjoy him more and I stand by my advice. I did not say she abused him and I did not say she was mean to him and I did not say she should not set and hold to standards of behavior.

Cherissa - posted on 08/07/2012

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STOP GIVING HIM ALL THE STUFF HE LIKES. Never mind taking away his wii etc, make him earn it in the first place!
Spanking isn't going to help

Jenna - posted on 08/07/2012

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If games, etc. don't work, try starting to take away his favorite shoes, shorts, shirt, etc. Keep taking away until he has 1 clothing change left, take his door off the hinges if he is slamming it... the biggest piece is you and your husband being on the same page. If one of you doesn't follow a plan, it will not work. Then have a family meeting to lay out your expectations are and what the consequences will be (if your husband is usually good cop, it may be best for him to spell this all out so your son sees that he's not going to be buddy-buddy like they are). Let your husband know that it will be tough at first, but you both have to and it will only take a couple weeks to a couple months for your son to get the picture and realize that there are consequences. Do things such as if he mouths off, there is a time out PLUS a chore. If he doesn't complete the chore, then he will get a second chore and no ______ (something he absolutely loves to do) until both chores are done. Make sure he is NOT getting a reaction out of you! If he does something, and you give him ANY (good or bad or just a gasp) attention, that may be the soul reason he does it!

P.S. If you spank your child(ren), you are teaching them that it's ok to hit others....don't let them know that you are frustrated! Take a time out and come back to deal with the child if they are not a safety hazard to themselves or others.

Mommy - posted on 08/07/2012

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I don't like to say this but....BUST HIS A$$ A FEW TIMES AND I GUARANTEE HE WILL SHAPE UP!!! Sorry,but, sometimes the taking away is not enough!!! Good Luck

Lacye - posted on 08/07/2012

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Carol: I don't respect people who are not nice to me and who don't seem to care about me - that is how a mom or dad who complain at a kid all the time appear.



Not once did the mother say she was not nice to her son and didn't show her son love. Just because she wants him to act properly does not mean she does not show him love and respect. But for a single parent who is living on their own, it's hard to actually get to do that many fun things due to lack of time and funds. The dad gets to do fun things because he lives with his parents and doesn't have the child as often. The mother has the boy all the time. So of course the son is going to want to have more fun with the dad and not the mom. She's the primary caregiver and disciplinarian. Who wants to have fun with the person telling you what to do?



ETA: As for using a belt while spanking, no. That will never be done in my house. Not now, not ever. I can remember after my dad and stepmom got through spanking me with a belt I would have whelps on my back for 2 weeks. While I have grown up into a perfectly healthy and happy person, I will NEVER put my child through that!

Tricia - posted on 08/07/2012

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Our daughter turns 8 this week. We've had a very rough time the past two years with her - in school and out of school. What seems to work for us is a calendar chore list that she can read easily enough and check off when it's done. After all chores are done, she can earn another 15 minutes of staying up, ice cream or other dessert, maybe a movie night in her room (on the weekend nights only), extra computer time, things like that. She feels great accomplishment when she earns these things. We have another baby coming very soon so we wanted to make sure she was "in check" with her attitude and out bursts before the baby comes. And now, if we forget to remind her for her chores, she reminds us!

Cristina - posted on 08/07/2012

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I have the same problem with my 7 yearold daughter. 1st issue that you jave to address is working as a team with your husband - you both have to be on the same page with disapline. Second, i agree with writing lines but make it educational - have him get the dictionary and look up and erite the definition for disprespect or any word that has to do with his behavior (i wrote the definition for NO so many times i cam still say it word for word in my sleep!)

Last thing you need to remember is to praise the good. The reinforcement of good behavior is jist as powerful as the punishment for bad.

Also, when scolding for bad, explain why its bad and tell him what he could have done differently - give him options, at this age they meed to feel like they have some control over what they have to do.

Good luck!!!!

Yalonda - posted on 08/07/2012

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Women are known to put their wants and desires on the back burner to "help" their family. But maybe it is the wrong thing to do. It is okay for YOU to set boundaries. Be the strong women you are meant to be. Your son is acting out because of the dinamics taking place between you two, and just as Dr. Phyl said this very morning, " When children hear their parents argue and fight they blame themselves...in their alone moments they are screaming inside."
If you can watch a few episodes of the super nanny..many helpful hints and it shows how children are only re=acting or acting out because they do not hav e the capacity to deal with the anger and frustration. And no place for refuge.
Some times we need to step on the excellerater instead of the brake to clear the accident...

Crystal - posted on 08/07/2012

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we had the same problem with one of our kids (i have 5) We enrolled them in Tae Kown Do. It has done wonders! It teaches them to be respectful and teaches them discipline. You'll need to check out a few places in your area as not all are the same. Our Master just loves kids and he runs a very strict class. Even my 4yr old is in TKD and she is the most polite child you'd ever meet! People can't get over how well behaved and well mannered she is. Does she have moments, yea she's 4 but I have to just use a few words from class..like..how many times is mommy suppose to ask you to do something? she says..One time, sorry mom and goes and does what she was asked to do. Give it a try and see if it helps, you'd be surprised!

Holly - posted on 08/07/2012

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I know there is a huge problem with my husband and i. Our relationship needs help and i have been willing to try and change and we have been to counceling, but he will change for like amonth and then it is back to. The same old thing and we are bcak in our old circle. I know alot has to do with us as a couple and what my boys see, like how a man is and treats his wife, etc. i spend a lot of quality time with my kids, probably too much. They are too dependent on me and part is my fault cause i want everyone to be ok, etc. we have had him write sentences, but we also have a problem sticking with things. I cant do it all by mysef. I cant be at two schools, make four different dinners and lunches a day, do housework, do grocery shopping do laundry' try to start an allergy awareness program at the kids school, pay bills, make appts, take kids to appts, read about how to handle problem children, keep charts, do baths, and everything else on the planet all by myself, and that doesnt even include taking care of myself! I am at a loss and so i feel beaten down as a person, a mother, a wife, and now i am at the point of like, what is the point?

Yalonda - posted on 08/07/2012

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Never strike a child. Remember who the adult is...inflicting pain to get obedience will never give room for respect. My oldest grandchild is 20, I have been around the block and was beaten as a child. The people who say they love us more than any one else on earth should never be the person allowed to hurt us. I know it is the easiest way to handle some children and doesn't require much of your time, but perhaps that is exactly whay the child lacks in the first place?

D'Etta - posted on 08/07/2012

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When you are punishing, most of the time it doesn't work to just take away toys. You have to replace them with positive activities. Make him do the chores WITH YOU. Talk to him while you're both doing the dishes or whatever. You guys really need that time to reconnect as Mom and child. Find out how he's feeling and why. My sons and I have initiated one-on-one time in which they can tell me anything, ask me anything and they can't get punished for whatever they disclose... but I can ask them anything as well and everyone has to tell the truth. Good luck. :)

Ruth - posted on 08/07/2012

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Do we know what the GOOD BOOK says? The rod will NOT hurt them. And being an older woman with grandchildren, I see and know that the ROD works. Shame on Dr. SDpock and all of those that took away the rod, and I know that NOT all children need it, BUT some do and God says it works and I believe GOD.

Yalonda - posted on 08/07/2012

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Have him sit down and tell you what to write, (if he can not do it) and have him tell you what he did wrong, why it was wrong and how he can stop doing it. Every time he complains add a new question. Stay with it, he will protest to have to sit still and think...but so will you, or do something close by while he is thinking. 11 years from now you can give him all the notes! My son refused to eat except certain things, but in one of the notes he wrote, " My tongue will not be the boss of me."
There is a real problem with you and your husband not having a united front and perhaps you should have your husband do the same thing> lol

Holly - posted on 08/07/2012

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Jill, I am going through the same thing with our son, who is also seven, yet going on 16. He is disrespectful, sassy, annoying, and just rude. He doesnt think before he acts and he thinks the world revolves around him. I swear we have tried everything. My husband is sometimes on boadr with me, but then basically he is the good cop, yet i think that has a lot to do with how he feels about me, for he too is selfish and has to be the center of attention. If i say black they both say white. I have hit a wall cause i am eotionally drained and disappointed with myself and my husband. I am not raising my son this way, and i know a lot has to just do with who they are cause my six year old is the complete opposite, he is like me and his brother is like his husband. Some days are good, but most days i just get sick of hearing my own voice saying no and stop that. Our house has become a yelling, battlefield. Im in constant struggles with him and my husband. We have tried books, taking things away, then he would just give stuff to take away. Time outs dont work, spankings, which i just cant do cause i end up balling, dont work. I have come up with a new chart and hoping it works, it has done some good, but i know we need to stick with it. We are in the process of testing for adhd and odd which i think he has, yet his first grade teacher who we gave the test to fill out at the end of the year, her answers are the complete opposite of ours. He has only shown some of this behavior at school, but i have a feeling second grade is gonna be worse. He has anxiety and low self esteem too, which my husband didnt believe me until the councelor said it as well. He is one tough cookie and i can see so much good in him but trying to get him to realize that and want to stay on the right path is hard, frustrating, and exhausting. He is ubber smart, and im not bragging, he is too smart that he is the type that will use his smarts for getting into trouble and being cool rather than using his smarts on school work....if that makes sense. He is a mini version of my husband yet i thought my husband wouldve grown up by now, ha! If you ever wanna chat let me know and we can cause i know how hard it is, trust me. I am at the point where i feel like i am just making matters worse and i should just leave...but i wont. Keep trying, i am, and pray, thats all i know what to do anymore, besides cry, ha!

Beth - posted on 08/07/2012

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Just never give up, my daughter has gone through this with her son now 12. And my advise to you because you do care and you will feel defeated but if you stay consistent he will learn. Even though it seems nothing bothers him its all an act. Try to praise when you can, but always let him know whats not acceptable. Dad needs to get on the same page as you, stand united or you will get no where! Pick your battles too only come down on him when its unacceptable actions. Then catch the good even so small will build him up instead of always down.
Good Luck!

Jessica - posted on 08/07/2012

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putting them in the corner facing the wall for 7 mins helps and bring them down a peg or , i have a 7year old boy too!

Brandy - posted on 08/06/2012

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Carol, I DID read All of your posts, that it why I was able to say that I don't agree with you. How could you say that this mother never does anything with her son? Do you know her personally? Have you seen her neglect her son? Are you positive that they are simply two people that happen to live at the same address? She could do things with him daily and you wouldn't know anything of the sort from her post! She didn't feel the need to write down everything she does with her son on a daily basis-- she is asking for advice for an issue she is having with her son from people that had or are currently having with their own children! She is frustrated because she hasn't had any luck with her normal methods and needs help finding other means to get through to her son. You, on the other hand insult her saying she neglects her son, so thats the only problem. You CAN'T know that! I've known children that were the only thing the parents had any intrest in, the children did things with their parents every day-- had lots of fun, and they started school and suddenly they started acting as this little guy did! Rude, mouthy, lazy, all of it, and then the parents were in the same boat- they had to work together to discipline the children and teach them that behaviors like that are not exceptable. I've even known children that were very neglected and they were the most polite kids youd imagine! So you see, it doesn't matter whether she is playing with him on a regular basis or not, the behavior needs to stop and she is trying to ask for help! Starting to just play with the boy now is only going to reward him for bad behavior. If she does that now, she might as well give up trying to discipline him. And before you ask, yes, I am a mother! I have a VERY well behaved 8 1/2 year old son! I play with him, when my schedule allows for it, but I do discipline him as needed! I will spank him as needed, take away things, ground him, or simply sit and give him a stern talking to, whatever is needed! I had issues with my husband being good cop while I was bad cop, so I know what she is going through! BUT, I had to sit down and talk to my husband and explain what was going on and I found out that he didn't even realize what was going on! From there on we always check with eachother about what is going on in the house. Communication is the key! Playing more with her son is not going to teach him that how he is treating his mother is wrong!

Carol - posted on 08/06/2012

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Using a belt on a child should be as illegal as it is to use them on an adult - more so because they are small and helpless. Shame on you Martha

Martha - posted on 08/06/2012

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My kids dnt swear, not disrespectful and ppl love them. I spank mine if disobedient. Yes I use a belt sometimes but mainly a spank on the hand. They are good girls

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So enlist Hubby's help. If he doesn't do his chores, Daddy won't play with him. If he is disrespectful, Daddy will correct him. It takes two to parent : the good and the bad. It doesn't work if only one parent dishes out all the "parenting" and the other parent just gets to "play".

Carol - posted on 08/06/2012

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Brandy, you are not reading my posts you are knee jerking. I strongly believe in discipline (which comes from the Greek word for 'to teach") and taking the time and energy to establish boundaries and rules. My daughter used to say "please just spank me and don't establish consequences". Respect goes two ways. This mother said she loved her child but had NOTHING good to say about him. If she has not praised him, shown him respect and does nothing fun with him, he will not treat her well. You can terrorize a small child into that kind of respect and when the rebellion comes it will be heartbreaking. You agree with me that they should play together and have a good time together. If all this kid hears is negative - and that is all the OP talked about he will not respect her. I did not want my children to respect people who were not kind to them. I recommended and I still do that she find the good things about him and praise those, that she work to make some of their time together pleasant, that she listen to him and give him some choices "you can do your chores now or in 30 minutes".

Brandy - posted on 08/06/2012

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Carol, I completely disagree with you. This mother is doing nothing wrong! She is trying to get her son to behave himself and respect others. As EVERY parent should do, however many do not! She doesn't need to "buddy up" to her son, she needs to be a parent and teach her son to be respectful of others. Being a friend is not going to do this! Children and parents should not be "friends" they are parent and child! They can love eachother, play together, have a good time, but one will get better results in rearing a child if they provide love and discipline, not friendship! She should not be "nicer" to her son to try to get him to respect her more! The opposite problem will happen- he will learn that he doesn't have to listen to her and start to walk all over her. Never a good thing.

Kim - posted on 08/06/2012

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Well if the old doesn't work try the new! If you live in an area with a popular store or mall have him stand there with a sign hanging from him that says I am disrespectful to my mother this is why I have to stand here and wear this sign! May seem harsh.....but sometimes comments from complete strangers can help!

Carol - posted on 08/06/2012

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The Dad has fun with the boy and the boy treats him with respect. I don't respect people who are not nice to me and who don't seem to care about me - that is how a mom or dad who complain at a kid all the time appear. I am not advocating being a buddy, but being a friend and someone who enjoys their company is vital. You want to be an approachable parent. Besides they are grown too soon and to miss all the fun a family that acts with respect to each other can have together is a terrible shame.

Missy - posted on 08/06/2012

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For my son who's 7, taking away the legos and BeyBlades work. My sister however has had a similar issue with my nephew who also is 7. One day he was helping in the yard and without him knowing they tracked the amount of white fence he can scrub & weeds he can pull. Now when he is disrespectful or using foul language, he has to immediately do 15 minutes of pulling weeds or scrubbing the panels of their fence. if they are out, he does it as soon as he gets home. Any complaing adds time. We live in Florida so she has some graute work for him during hurricane season. I will tell you this, the foul mouth has completely stopped and disrespectfulness almost gone. You have to stick to whatever plan of action you take.

BERNICE - posted on 08/06/2012

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I have a 7 yr old girl we have had custody of her since she was not even 3 months old she calls us mom and dad, she is getting to this point also and I take things away from her and it dose'nt matter, but she has this new thing of rolling her eyes at me and ooh I just can't stand that, and I made the mistake of letting her know that wrong thing to do now she does it more. Dad says oh she'll be ok I say what about me !

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