I am broken!

Christine - posted on 07/10/2012 ( 165 moms have responded )

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I have never done this before but I have noone else to talk to at this point...I am now a single mother of a almost 2 year old little boy. His father and I were together for 3 years and during that time his father left multiple times but always came back, I mean in a few days.
Two months ago he left, and hasnt come back. He is living with his parents and doing a 50/50 custody aggreement with me that I am not fully behind. I am doing myu best to be strong through this process but I am starting to break.
My son is confused and doesnt understand what is happening to him and honestly I dont know either. His father always promised to love me and always promised to be there for me. When we got together I was already damaged from my prior marriage but I fell into his games and allowed myself to be hurt with feels like beyond repair this time.
I am living our life alone and it absolutley devestates me. I am so hurt that I can not hardly funtion. We work across the hall from each other and I see him so frequently with the child custody that it kills me.
Someonw please tell me how to pick up the pieces?

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Alisha - posted on 07/10/2012

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Christ. He is the only solution to your brokenness... He is the mender, the restorer, the healer. Turn to Him and turn away from your sins. They will only cause more destruction. Cry out to Him.

Krista - posted on 07/10/2012

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The only advice that I can offer is to try to get through each day. Just take it a day at a time, or if that is even too much, just an hour at a time. If you just keep pushing through each day, it WILL get better -- it just takes awhile. And if you guys were breaking up often before now...then he wasn't the one. I know you're not likely thinking of the future, but being free from a bad relationship frees you up to really figure out who you are, and what YOU want and like, and what you want from your next relationship. In fact that might be a good exercise for you right now -- to sit down and list what you want from your next relationship, and to really focus on what your priorities are.

Of course, where you see each other so often, that makes it harder to heal. Have you considered brushing up your cv and looking for another job? Some distance will likely help you heal.

Other than that, if you have good friends or a good therapist to talk to, don't be afraid to lean on them.

Tina - posted on 07/11/2012

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The first thing you should do is pray, trust, wait on God. Contrary to what anyone else may say, God is inclined to your situation. He is waiting for you to seek Him. In your waiting know this, you are more than a conqueror. With almost every tragic situation healing is soon to come,you just have to be patient. Once you overcome you will be able to encourage someone who will be face with the same situation. Secondly, find a friend you could talk to, an open hear is what we need some times. Stay strong because your boys will need you to be strong mother. Stay encouraged

Allison - posted on 07/11/2012

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Hey there, I am sorry if I sound less than respectful, but Christ is not going to help you manage your life. You need to find a therapist as soon as possible, for your own sanity and the well being of your son who will need YOU more than ever he grows. Find one through your church, or find one though a women's outreach group in your community. If you need to, CALL SOCIAL SERVICES in your town. You went into this last relationship with some serious baggage and only you can leave it at the station of the PAST WHERE IT BELONGS. Cry, rage, scream, lament, YES! do all of those things, but find a professional to talk to, immediately. Good luck and sending prayers your way...

Carnita - posted on 07/11/2012

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proximity...u're so close to the emotions of the situation u can't see the blessings that are being bestowed upon u. everything that looks bad is not a negative. i would say yes, call ur EAP program and find a good counselor to help u make sense of the chaos right now. but as far as the grown boy who left u a couple months ago, it seems he's been practicing leaving you before this last incident. leaving a previously bad marriage u found someone who was good at seeming like he was "there for you" which doesn't mean he was ready to replace the hurt in ur life with something positive. the blessing is he is gone and u can finally take the time to heal from that past hurt AND he is willing to be a parent to the son u two have. another blessing is your son. he needs both or at least one parent to be fully present so that he is taken care of.



no one can break u unless u give them the power to do so. hurt? yes. broken? no. think about it this way...would u want to go thru the rest of ur life married to someone who leaves u on a whim or for whatever flight of fancy (woman) happens into his life. he has not shown devotion to u, concern for u, or that he cares about ur feelings. say goodbye to drama, headaches & heartaches. u need to find the tools to fill the holes these bad relationships have left u feeling like u have. having someBODY next to u in bed at night is not the same thing as someone in ur corner good, bad, up & down. and u cannot get in ur life what u are not capable of giving first to urself. and if the person u are with is not ready for what a committed relationship entails he/she will act that way - or act out, as we say about children.



i'm speaking from personal experience...in less than a 3 month timeframe, i left the guy that i've been married to for over 16 years, moved across country to NC with our daughter, and i don't know what the future may hold, but i damn sure know it will not contain any more of his drama and issues, which were never mine to begin with! i am not only ready for what i know i deserve and want as far as a relationship, but i am open to it. i also know that i am not ready RIGHT NOW for it. it's too soon after the breakup and i need to regroup, take time for me & my daughter, learn myself, re-evaluate the break up, all that. but when it happens i will be ready, and won't feel "incomplete" or like i want someone there to fill a void. u can do it too. take care of u first & ur child. if u need to, find a new job so u don't have to be in such close proximity to him all the time. let him be a father if he's willing. use the time ur son's with his dad as "u time." most suddenly single mothers don't have that opportunity.



1st thing's 1st, look to this storm u're seeing as a means to water the garden...all flowers need rain to grow.



take care

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165 Comments

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Chaya - posted on 08/01/2012

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Been there, done that, wasn't interested in the tee shirt.
This is almost exactly what happend to me. My husband would come and go, sometimes absent for weeks at a time. I finally told him to pick one, I really don't care if he moved out, I'd move to Michigan. He eventually returned, I told him I'd take him back once, not twice. He left again several years later, he's been trying to get me to take him back ever since.

Anne - posted on 07/26/2012

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I want to know how Christine is doing after all of this. Did any of our words help. Please let us know.

Grace - posted on 07/26/2012

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Pray, Pray and Pray that God reveals the plan he has for you. When u are in a situation like you are right now, it is sometimes hard to turn to the Lord. He will give you peace and be by your side. Though you may have prayers that the two of you reconcile, God may have better plans for you. I will b praying for you. As long as you keep looking at the past, you will never find your future.

Diane - posted on 07/25/2012

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Powerful self help books (helping me in 9th year of marriage) "when sinners say I do"..." power of a praying wife" ......"bringing up girls by Dr. James Dobson who also wrote one for boys too!

Katherine - posted on 07/24/2012

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i think out of all they other advice what u really need to remember is that no matter what u are going threw that child needs you so u need to try your hardest to stay strong for the child they feel what we feel more than some people think.

Karen - posted on 07/23/2012

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Right now your main concern is your child and seeing that your son will not be so affected by this. All children have this six sense when it comes to their parents and they act up when they feel that they are threatened by something. They want to feel love and not your pain. Try not to show your feelings around your child. Try and communicate in way that he will understand. As long as he has both parents in his life, he will be happy. The father of the child doesn't have to live with you for the child to be happy.
I know you are hurting right now but in time it will all pass. We, women are very strong because we deal with so many things at a time. Believe me no man is worth it, if they don't care about you the way you care about them. So pick up the pieces and move on ... focus on your child and what you want to do next with you life. Remember you only have one life to live so live it, don't waste it !!! I'm sure your ex isn't wasting his !!

Danielle - posted on 07/23/2012

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the pain that you feel right now will NOT last forever. NO bad feeling lasts forever. I'm sorry this guy hurt you, because no one deserves that. Your child will be alright...adjustments are always difficult at first, but with time, it gets better. You may feel the weight of the world on your shoulders right now, but bit by bit, it will lessen. It's a great thing that you came on here to ask for support, that's a great start. I wish you the very best. Chin up.

Jenn - posted on 07/23/2012

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Pray lots and hold onto Gods big hand!!! I know what you are going through...I have walked in your shoes with my 4 year old twin daughters. I welcome you to contact me at alwaysmilin75@yahoo.com

Tatev - posted on 07/23/2012

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sign up to Supercoach.com, het Michael Neill's blogs, or even better sign up to Hayhouse radio and they have many many archived shows. Again, i would choose Michael Neill to listen to. He is amazing.

Betty - posted on 07/23/2012

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I'm a lot older than you are but my true advice to you is start going to church put God and your child first in your life and in time things will get better. Believe me you can't depend on a man to get you happy and up lifted it just don't work. This is my second marriage and I've been married 33yrs. my husband has had astroke now and it is rough and if I didn't have God in my life I would be alone. So I'm telling you from experience in my own life. you will make if you set you head to it. Do a lot of Praying and look to God and think of your son's life if nothing else he needs you. Please don't feel I'm preaching on you cause I'm not. You keep looking up and my prayers are with you. Love in Christ. Betty D.

Rufaro - posted on 07/23/2012

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hi there.I feel you dont have to blame yourself for loving again though you got hurt in the process. life is full of many hurdles but all we have to do is rise up when we fall. focus on your son and try as much as you can to leave the past behind you . also dont be bitter because it can rob you of your own happiness and also make you say bad things to your son about his father.Try not to live each day hoping he will come back but rather ask God to grant you the serenity to accept things you can not change. I was devastated once after a bitter divorce but here i am 6 years later so much happier without him.

Donna - posted on 07/23/2012

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First thing is YOUR NOT ALONE , you have your baby boy still and put all your effort in to taking care of him and doing things with him if the father doesnt want to step up and be there then be there for him cause the only one you need is that little guy cause i doubt he will let you down and his love is unconditional as for the father if he wants to play games like that give him a choice either your in it for good or not i dont need you bouncing in and out because it confuses you and your son and you dont need that exspecially not right now . Just keep your head up and keep your priorities straight your son comes first hes the most important person in your life . And yes i know it hurts but when you feel alone thats when you grab your little guy and squeeze him like no other .

Onmywaytocarolshouse - posted on 07/23/2012

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WOW Kate : ) You are one awesome and brave lady : ) I know your story will be greatly appreciated : )

Kate - posted on 07/23/2012

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Wow, after reading your post and the multiple responses I don't have much more to add that the other ladies haven't already said. I can share my story though... I was married for 3 years when my daughter was born. When she was 2 months old, the FBI showed up to our apartment with a search warrant for my husbands computer. 3 months later, he was arrested for downloading child pornagraphy. At the time, I felt as lost and confused as you probably feel right now. It wasn't easy and I don't miss the long days and nights that following year brought. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a month after his arrest and thought I couldn't take much more. I moved from TX to IN to live with my parents (at the age of 31- a big pride issue with that move, let me tell you!) After a few years of volunteering at a womans shelter, then my childs preschool I went back to school. Now my daughter is 8 and my ex is out of jail- still living in TX (thank God!) But I am back on my feet, busy as ever with a Girl Scout troop and a full time job and I finally got remarried this past May. I still have trust issues and probably always will. My current husband tolerates my need to know everything and I am grateful for his patience with me in all other areas of parenting and co-living. My ex sends me child support and is on probation, so he is not allowed to speak to our daughter directly. That part is still awkward for me and I am not currently prepared to have the "talk" about why he was in jail. She already knows too much for her age. So although I have no additional tips to add to your aresenal of coping, hopefully my story can give you hope that your life will get better in time. You have to believe in yourself and go on- that's what I had to do. Good luck and thanks reaching out to the global "mom" community!
Kate

Anita - posted on 07/23/2012

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FYI, if he leaves for 3 weeks or more without a court order, it is legal abandonment. If you don't agree with the illegal custody arrangement, get a lawyer and have them draw up a proposed agreement that compromises(PS most states won't do overnight visits until a child is 5) THere are sliding scale based lawyers out there that specialize in Family law, you just have to look for them. As for you . Put aside how you feel. As someone who was a single mother for 14 years, you really have to suck it up and put the feelings of your child first. He's not coming back to you , and if he did this in the first place who wants him back. But really make sure he is treating the child right(mine wasn't)

Onmywaytocarolshouse - posted on 07/23/2012

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Very empowering advice from all : ) Now get over it and get on with your life : ) It's easier said than done ! HOWEVER ... It DOES work : )

Roberta - posted on 07/23/2012

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You feel broken, but you are not!!! You can make it through this. Build your support system-family, friends, other single moms you meet at work, daycare, support groups. there are places for you to go to connect. Your son needs his mom!!! You are the one he comes to. You are the stabilizer. People will support you. Reach out!!! Like you did here.

Suzanna - posted on 07/23/2012

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Christine, you need some emotional support. Is there a church in your area that has a support group for divorce/separation? Do you go to church? I know exactly what you mean. My first husband abandoned me and our two young sons. The oldest was almost three and the youngest was only five months old. It is great that he wants to be involved in his child's life. My husband did not see his sons again until they were graduated from high school and getting married. I was so ashamed that I withdrew from society which was the wrong thing to do. Humans are relational, your husband has gone back to his parents and you are alone. You need some people around you who have gone through the same pain you are experiencing. I would say look for a faith based divorce support group.

Mairet - posted on 07/23/2012

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Hi Christine,
I read your message and it hit very close to home for me. I am a single mother of 2 little girls and struggleing financially I have been unemployed now for about 2 yrs. I have a 8 yrs old and a 8mth old. The father of my second child sounds allot like the yours...I was alone thru the pregnancy and then after Emma was born we got baqck together but it didnt last it just ended upruptly 5 weeks ago and he left us high and dry. He is also threatning to take coustody away from me.

I dont listen to his threats I focus daily on my girls on myself and I try to learn the lesson in all this mess. There is a book I started reading that really opened my eyes I highly recommend it by Louis Haye..."The Power is Within You"...There really is no easy way, you have to take it one day at a time and start by working on you taking care of you and your babies =-)...You will be in my prayers and feel free to write. Namaste...Mairet

Desiree - posted on 07/23/2012

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GIve HIM your worries, GOD has a plan for your life and you need to know it will work out the way it is supposed to. Pray for HIM to guide your feet and give you strength and know that their is a whole life you are going to enjoy with your son. In order to be the best mom you can be you have to take care of yourself and start to function again for your child. Take one day at a time and when you wake up, ask GOD to help you get through the day!!

Tara - posted on 07/23/2012

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I'm so sorry. I've been there. With me it was post partum depression. Do keep praying if you are of faith. God will help you, but you do need to see a therapist. He or she will help you sort things out and be able to tell you if you need a psychiatrist as well, which you may not. Sometimes talking to a professional is enough. If it isn't things like medication aren't the end of the world. They are temporary. I didn't have a choice. I not only couldn't function, bit couldn't get food down without gagging. My milk even started drying up from lack of nourishment. My new baby needed me and I couldn't be their for him without help. Go get help now. It will get better I promise. Once you get yourself straightened around, and halfway stable at least, I would def consider relocating, if at all possible. Also, contact a lawyer about custody. Sounds you should prob have primary custody. Make sure you are squared away before you start in with court tho. If your ex wants 50/50 or more he will try and throw this at you, so take care of it first. Just to let you know though, for him to succeed, he would have to have some pretty extreme circumstances. You have the upper hand being the mother. Just
went though a custody battle as well. I know all about it. ♥ Love ♥

Pat - posted on 07/23/2012

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Hi Christine; maybe you should try a little councelling. You can only do so much on your own. Turn to your family for support. Maybe you could stay with them or have someone move in with you, Just for moral support. It will not be easy for you to see your ex. for some time. But it will get better. You hurt more than he,because you are the the one who has been short changed. When your son is with him, do something just for you. There are lots of support groups out there that can help you through this hard time. Do not spend a whole lot of time alone. Some is fine but spend time with others for coffee or lunch, If you see him at work, put on a brave face stand tall and speak to him only when you have to. You share a child and that is it. I have a niece going through the same thing as you. And she is trying to get her life back on track by using support group help, family, walking going to the gym, reading etc. You have to pull yourself together for your sons sake and then your own sake too. You can do it, I know you can. If you can be strong enough to love and support your son, than you can be strong for you too. Do not let him get you dawn, and never take him back. You do not need the heartbreak. You need to get your life back on track, if only to show him that he does not win. You do. It will take time, but put your feet down firmly and take it one day at a time. You have to, or your little guy will start thing it is his fault. Truly it is better to have loved and lost now than 10 years down the road. There are lots of single moms out here, you will survive and get past this time. You Can do it, God bless you kiddo and I will include you in my nightly prayers. Remember get some help. It is the first step in the healing process. Take care Nanna Pat

Tyrand - posted on 07/22/2012

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Pray on it and God will work it out! It going to be hard at first but remember you have your son. And once you get over the pain that you are going through, do not allow him back in your life. It a game to him. Always remember you have your son to worry about!

Marie - posted on 07/22/2012

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I am now a year into single motherhood. I dont know the circumstances behind his comings and goings but I will be bold enough to share mine. I lived with a complete and utter sociopath. My entire relationship was built on lies and "survived" on them too. Multiple affairs throughout which I discovered after our child was born, then threats, belittling me everyday, publically humiliating, and it esclalated to physical violence. Now, to a woman who has never been in anything similiar, I'm sure you can't phathom one of these, let alone all of them, quietly at that. And for me, knowing that most of my friends "couldn't" relate, made me not take advice from them. To me my number one was my child so I fought til the bitter end because I did not want to have a what if moment down the road, or a thought that he "changed". So, I made him go to couples counseling (he lied through the entire thing), tried everything to spice up the relationship... No changes, in fact he had gotten worse. He made sure to tell me I could not survive without him. It wasn't until I started listening to 2 of my friends that had actually gone through it that I gained the strength I needed. They did it. They survived. And I could too. One phrase that stood out "you will have a wake up call" A couple of weeks later I woke up to him throwing stuff at me, and I planned my escape. And I left. I left with our clothes and a couple of pieces of furniture. That is all. I cried, no sobbed, every single night when I thought I had no tears left, I cried still. I clinged to these "survivors" for late night reassurance, I avoided with all costs him and his manipulating ways, I congratulated myself for every tiny hurdle, be it cable, or new sheets, I went to counseling every week. When I thought I was over it, I had another meltdown. Now... I am stable. I come home to peace. I live in peace, I leave my place feeling well. What you are experiencing is terrifying, and lonely, and saddening. I had to (and still do) have to see him for exhanging our child, at lot more frequently than I would like. I know in today's economy you might not feel safe in leaving your job but see if there is another job within so you won't be in such close proximity, or ask to be moved. What you have already accomplished was the hardest step, healing seems like the hardest sometimes I know but it's only because it takes so much time to accomplish. Hang in there things will get better!!!!

Cyndi - posted on 07/22/2012

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This is a difficult, trying, time for you. My best suggestions are to take good care of yourself by immediately getting some good counseling, eat well, get good rest, and ask your child's father if he will agree to get some couples counseling, for your son's sake, as well. If you are strong, and stay positive, your son will react to those feelings and be okay. Your son is young and more flexible than you think. What is imporatnt is that he has love, consistency and can trust both of you to care for him. If you have relatives, friends, people at church, reach out to them, and connect, so you won't feel so alone and isolated.Also, if you can get some legal counsel, you can get it from legal aid department if you can't afford it. Generally the mom gets full custody, so not sure how your 50-50 arrangement came about. Stay positive, don't get mad, get what you deserve, and hold your head up proud. You don't need a man like this in your life, you'll find another good one, when your ready. Take care......

Debbie - posted on 07/22/2012

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My heart goes out to you! We could get together and compare stories!! I am a few years ahead of you and can tell you it will pass. Not today or tomorrow, but the time will come when things will be better. Good for you for looking for support! A very good place for support is church. Go for yourself and your son. Go with your son. People there and clergy can give you support. It is also a place to learn peace and to fix your brokenness, which the world has a difficult time teaching. You can do it. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. You will get through this and it will be ok. Give yourself a time, a mourning time to heal from the crappy relationship. Don't forget to pray. It has been proven that it brings contentment to you. If nothing else, pray for that reason. Never give up.

One more thing: Will Smith said: sometimes you have to forget what's gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what's coming.

May peace be with you!

Julia - posted on 07/22/2012

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God is the only one that you can depend on. If you know Jesus Christ as your savior call on your Lord and savior for help. You are not alone. If you do not know him. Get a Bilble and read all you can. Romans 3:23 for a beggining. As God to forgive you of all your sins and to lead you and guide you. He will. Ask him for strength and wisdom. Believe and you will be saved. God bless you.

Kristy - posted on 07/22/2012

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Seek prayer it always help. I've been there and worst God will give you wisdom and strength. Ill be praying for you.

Veronica - posted on 07/22/2012

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This too shall pass....trust GOD!! I've been there and GOD brought me through it. And when it pass your going to look back and know that you are a stronger person.

Tamera - posted on 07/22/2012

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Your son needs his mother to be strong and it sounds like you are doing absolutely wonderful. You are recognizing your feelings, you are trying to work on things and make sure his father is still in his life. Krista E, said it right - One day at a time, one hour at a time and sometimes one minute at a time and you will will make it thru a stronger person. Every woman should be treated as a princess because you are. So like Krista E said - figure out what you want, like and what you need from a relationship. You can live with anyone's Good points - but make sure you can live with their bad points. Good luck and Remember you are an amazing woman.

Judy - posted on 07/22/2012

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Please change jobs and don't share custody.Change jobs so that you will not be seeing him daily and don't share custody because in the end it will only cause trouble for you. Also you do need to find someone you can call even in the middle of the night when you are at your weekest point that will be your friend and care enough to remind you that you are better than the way he was/is treating you and that what your child sees growing up nine times out of ten they will grow up either doing the same thing or allowing someone to treat them the same way. You and your child are worth more than being miss treated. My heart goes out to you. Been there done that. You need to put your child first in your mind and heart, then you will be thinking only of him and what is best for your child and when you are low go into the childs room while he is sleeping and take a good look at the gift God has given to you to take care of and raise. Then think of the miracle that is laying down in that bed and remember that only God could have created something so wonderful. Try being happy with this gift. Also I am not a Bible thumper but please join a church and become active within the church It helps to have new friends that will help and it will also help your child. Please contact me if you need any more help.
God's Speed
Judy
PS I found that at my weakest point that if I would repeat the 23 Psalm numerously and think of each sentence first you may fall asleep or find your self getting calmer and if you do it long enough each sentence will take on it's true meaning for you.

Jan - posted on 07/22/2012

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You might want to see a counselor...they aren't 'shrinks', they don't tell you what to do, they don't tell you what you should do....they help you to sort through things so YOU can decide what YOU want and help you to develop the skills that you need to be able to get there YOUR way.....It sounds like maybe you are a bit depressed so in addition you might want to be evaluated for an anti-depressant to help you until you get yourself sorted out and can decide how you want to go on from here and develop the skills to help you get there....

Ada - posted on 07/22/2012

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be strong i raised 4 kids myself just have faith i was married 3 times am alone and i love it i have my kids and grandkids and great grandkids and that is all i need i have faith in you you can do it for your son at least he wont leave you your kids are yours forever hang in there

Dianne - posted on 07/22/2012

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Also, I wanted to say that it almost sounds like he is kinda bossy as in the custody thing, am I right? It will help u to be straight up with everyone so u can get the kind of support u need. If u don't feel comfortable with the 50/50 thing, be honest with the dad & tell him now or u may look back & regret it. Must b very difficult to only see your son half the time since this is all so fresh...also when u go to court (if u go) the judge will look @ the 50/50 which u agreed to & may order it to stay the same since u agreed-so time is of essence here. If it isn't legally drawn up yet, I would say every other wk-end which is better for you & your child-no wonder your'e both having a hard time! Sounds like u really need to see your boy more regularly & vise versa!!!

Dianne - posted on 07/22/2012

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omgosh, can I ask how old u r & is there any possibility of getting a different job somewhere else? Kids r actually pretty amazing, as in they adjust better than we do. Give him time, I know that sounds trivial but life seems to have a way of changing so much, more than we realize. Look for support as much as u can through anyone, this is a start. I hear your broken heart. Hopefully u will get some responses from others in similiar situations, but remember it's very important that u realise everyone is different. I don't want 2 say it but some can b rude. Only talk 2 the positive people! Good Luck...

Becky - posted on 07/22/2012

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My heart is breaking for you!
And while there is nothing I can really say to take away the pain, I would really encourage you to look into a church in your area that you might become part of.
My church has provided such support for us, when we went through two job losses, selling our house and moving in with family (because of the job losses), 3 high-risk pregnancies, 6 mos on bedrest, NICU, etc.
Beyond helping with physical needs (babysitting, rides, meals), my church "family" (esp in those in my small groups during the week) have become my closest friends and helped me to know God--my faithful Heavenly Father, who promises to never leave me; who tells me I am HIS and no one can take me away; who promises to make me a new, stronger person, as He walks beside me through my trials, and is planning a home for me in heaven someday--this world is not all there is!!!
So all that to say, my church has been a huge support to me--helping me with physical needs and most of all, helping me to know God, His love, His faithfulness to me--and this has been a huge blessing emotionally and spiritually as well! (Message me if you want to talk more about it!!)

CANDACE - posted on 07/22/2012

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Do you have a pastor of priest you can go too/They tend to be able to help people deal with break ups. it may be difficult for your son for a while but kids are strong and will make it ok.Just continue to love and nuture him,and be sure he knows how much you love him.Do also not only by saying the words i love you,but by showing him with hugs and kisses. One can never get too many hugs and kisses.
If you still really in love with your boy friend why not try talking to someone together to see if you both can figure out what the problem is,and if there is any of of you getting back together.
Always remember when you are in doubt, pray ,pray ,pray,and LET GO AND LET GOD,He never gives you anymore than you can handle.. Good luck and GOD BLESS YOU. :)

Stacie - posted on 07/22/2012

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There's nothing wrong with being alone. It sounds like you need a confidence boost right about now. Relying on him to come back is just silly. You should only be with someone who appreciates you and wants a family. It doesn't sound like this guy is either of those things. As far as 50/50 custody, if you don't feel good about it, don't do it. Trust your gut. In most cases, the mother gets primary custody and the father gets every other weekend. It's pretty standard unless you agree to different terms. Get a lawyer and if you can't afford one, know that it will go to court and a judge will always side with maternal primary custody(provided you are a stable, secure mother) and award you child support. Be a stronger woman and know you have value without this man as your support system. Your child will benefit from seeing you take control of your life and his by making him feel secure and being amicable with your ex through the separation process. The best way to do that is to take control of the situation and face it head on. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and start again without relying on a man. Lots of single mothers do it and you can too. Oh, and do something nice for yourself...you deserve it and your child deserves a happy mother. The more your child sees you in the "oh-woe-is-me" state, the more he will feel uneasy. You and he deserve better, so do better.

Archiette - posted on 07/22/2012

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For one know that its not yur fault. Stay strong not jus for you but also for yur child. Everything happens for a reason. Jus look at it as you all do have a wonderful child together and let's try our best to remain friends for his sake. Pray and ask the lord to guide you and give u strength to get thru these hard times. You will find live again. There is someone out there for you and that will love yur child as his own. Do settle for less you're worth more. Stay string and I wish u tge best

Joanbezuidenhout - posted on 07/22/2012

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Dear Christine, I am truly sorry that you are experiencing so much unhappiness and heartache at this time - but if you belong to a Church go speak to your Pastor or Minister - they are there to help in all situations and they can give you advice. If he has left when it suited him and returned when it suited him - it definitely is not fair to you and your son as it will confuse you both and is
not good for your health or give you peace of mind. I would pray and ask God to help BUT in doing that you also have to take action. You will have to make up your mind that you are not going to take it anymore and move on - it will hurt - but don`t waste time on him any longer - be strong - it`s
not easy when you love someone but he does not deserve you. Maybe this is the time for you to move on - there is always light at the end of the tunnel. You may even have to consult a Lawyer - but take time out to think carefully - go away for a holiday - when you have peace of mind - then decide and take action. I will be praying for you to make the right decision and wish you many blessings from God in your future life with your son. God bless you both. Joan

Shana - posted on 07/22/2012

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One day at a time, like I've seen it posted here. Also my favorite phrase that helped me get through my separation and divorce was "What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. " The trick is not to let it kill you. Don't dwell on the negatives and look for the positives. I had to, and still have to, deal with the negative repercussions of our breakup, especially where our boys are concerned, but there are always plus sides to every situation. You just have to force yourself to see them. Sometimes it isn't so easy, which is why you need to find a friend or two who can support you through this. There are even therapy groups and clubs that help people who are in your situation. You'll find, that with each determined attempt to focus on the positive, it does, in the end, make you stronger.

Katherine - posted on 07/22/2012

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It is always so sad to me to hear stories like yours because it takes me back to a place that was very difficult for me also. I am crying for you and for me as I write this to you. The father of my children and my husband at the time also left me alone to raise our 3 children. One of our children was mentally handicapped so I was unable to work as he needed to be monitored 24 hours a day. I quickly divorced him because he didn't want to give us any money and this way his check was garnished for child support. Fast forward to today- I have 3 beautiful, funny and caring adult children. It wasn't always easy and sometimes it was really hard but we did it together. Now the bond we all 4 have together is like nothing they will ever have with their father. It's sad but true. Right now it's really tough. There's no one to count on but you and I know what that feels like, but you and your son are worth fighting for! Just look into his little face and get your strength from that. I will pray hard for you, I really will. From my mouth to God's ears!

Zoe - posted on 07/22/2012

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Oh poor you it sounds awful. All I can say is try to concentrate on being a good Mum. Your childs love is unconditional so try to enjoy times with him. I split from my ex when my daughter was 3years old. I now have a new husband and 2 more beautiful boys. My daughter is 20 and her father and I are good friends. We never forgot who the adults were in the hole situation but just accepted that we were not right for each other. As I said I now have 2 more beautiful children but I must say I sometimes yearn for the days when it was just me and my daughter. You bond with your son is very special.

Joan - posted on 07/22/2012

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Find the strength within yourself to focus on raising your son. He is dependent upon you and even though he has a father, that is no guaranty that he will live up to that title. If you allow this supposed to be man control your life what will happen to your son? I buried my son a week ago. He was a wonderful husband and father of a four year old and eight month old. Learn from this and pick up the pieces for the sake of the child you brought into this world. He needs you more than the man who doesn't deserve either of you.

Mark - posted on 07/22/2012

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it is hard a hard thing to do but u know u cannot get stressed over it u have little boy to look after he needs u if u get upset he sees that not good but u hate to do it but have to move on there r still some nice people out there i went threw it twice

Skye - posted on 07/22/2012

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Christine, Im so sorry you have to go thru this right now. I know that in the moment it feels like the worst thing thats ever happened. Counseling and God both can help you, but i want to suggest something you may not be thinking sbout right now. What do you want your son to learn from this? What example are you setting for him? You dont want him to think its okay for him to treat a woman like this and you dont want him to go through this. Teach him by your example that being independant and strong is the best gift you can bring to any relationship, in fact the best gift you can give yourself. In learning to do that for my daughter i taught myself as well.

Andrea - posted on 07/22/2012

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Firstly I really feel for you hon, if I were you I would take some leave from work and take your little boy on a holiday away from all you are dealing with and have some quality time away with your son to heal and remember why life is so important, secondly I would then look for a job that you would really love to do maybe from home or something that your pationate about that fits in around your son that you would enjoy and go for it! And thirdly with regards to your ex he left you, he therefore has to abide by your decisions regarding your son and if that means he gets alternate weekends then that's all he gets, you make the rules you tell him what you will allow and don't let him get his own way! I am betting as soon as he sees that he hasn't managed to crush you he will try to come running back but to be honest by the time they do you will have met someone else and not even want him in your life again anyway! Look at it as a lucky escape and it just means he has given you the freedom to find someone wonderful who will adore you like you deserve! Good luck hon you just have to believe in yourself xxx

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