I am broken!

Sherry - posted on 07/11/2012

He sounds like a jerk. You're better off without him. If he tries to come back again DON'T TAKE HIM! GUARD YOU HEART AGAINST HIM! Also, seek out a good Christian counselor and church community so you can get healthy, realize your true value, and not let others treat you like dirt anymore. You're son needs you to be strong and healthy.

Caron - posted on 07/11/2012

Hi Christine, you are going through a very tough time at the moment. I know how you are feeling. I went through a similar trauma when my two children were aged 4 and 2. My husband left several times over a period of two years. He left the first time when my daughter was 16 months and I was 4 months pregnant with my son. I was terrified and felt I would not cope. However I got through it and was a much stronger person in time.
It takes time to get your head around the situation, and for the reality of it to sink in. You need to be strong enough to say no to him. If you keep taking him back your self esteem will become so low you won't be able to function properly. You need to think of yourself and your son, your the priority right now. I kept myself going because I knew if I folded my kids would potentially go to their father. Stay strong and understand that he is trying to grind you down so you'll agree to his demands. Don't listen to his patter if he respected you he would never have treated you so badly.
You can do this, ignore him at work and treat him with suspicion, what is he after if he's being 'nice'. Don't trust him, trust your instincts. Think about how he has treated you, you didn't fall in love with the person who has treated you so badly. Ask yourself if he had been this way when you met him would you have stayed in the relationship? I'm sure the answer would be you would run a mile in the opposite direction!! Your in love with the person you thought he was not the person he is.
Be strong for the sake of you son, he needs you. You will have such a special bond with him and no one will ever come between you. You can do this, don't let him persuade you to otherwise. Good luck I am sure you will be fine. Women are stronger than we generally think.

Joyce - posted on 07/11/2012

LET GO AND LET GOD!!!!!! Trust that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. As most have stated, time will see you through this hurtful, devastating time in your life. But you can't give up for you or your son. Take it one day at a time. That is all you can do and know that you are NOT alone. I'm praying for you.

Sarah - posted on 07/11/2012

Wow, that sounds like a really traumatic thing for you to be going through, is there any way you can get some space from your ex by maybe taking a holiday or explaining your situation to your boss and asking for a few days leave, I think taking what space you can from the situation and getting away can really help bring abit of clarity, reflection and rest for facing a crisis like this.

I would also write down all the things he did that were abusive and unkind in the relationship and share them with a safe friend who can support you and remind you of why you left in the first place and help you to to to resist taking him back, because no matter what happens you will most probably have moments in the future where you long for comfort and the temptation to take him back will be strong.

Take time to unwind, maybe find a friend or neighbour to go for walks with or have coffee and unload.Surround yourself with loving people who make you feel good about yourself and remind you of how wonderful you are, no matter how low and unworthy this partner has made you feel, you are a wonderful mother, with a world of opportunities, a hope and a future, things will get better, you will get through this, but one day at a time so just focus on keeping yourself safe and caring for your son...one day at a time.Thinking of you and praying for you Christine x

Christina - posted on 07/11/2012

HI,

As a Mom, I totally feel for you. I am sure many of us have been in your position. Surround yourself with family and friends. I think you should bring up the fact that he has left you many times with no call and vanishes. That needs to be said outloud as you have a child to protect and you want what is best for your child. I know I would. You dont want your child to be deserted or used as a pawn against you. Faith, GOD & hope are always best, but seriously misery tends to want company and sometimes we attract bad men when our confidence or self esteem is low. So, please surround yourself with positive people that have your back and your best interest at heart. I wish I could give you a BIG hug and tell you it will be okay. Thanks for reaching out. My kids are what get me through the tough times, and be everything you can be to your son. No man is worth the heartache, its easier said than done, but I would do anything for my children and at this point they would be my rock that would help me pick up my pieces.

Carnita - posted on 07/11/2012

proximity...u're so close to the emotions of the situation u can't see the blessings that are being bestowed upon u. everything that looks bad is not a negative. i would say yes, call ur EAP program and find a good counselor to help u make sense of the chaos right now. but as far as the grown boy who left u a couple months ago, it seems he's been practicing leaving you before this last incident. leaving a previously bad marriage u found someone who was good at seeming like he was "there for you" which doesn't mean he was ready to replace the hurt in ur life with something positive. the blessing is he is gone and u can finally take the time to heal from that past hurt AND he is willing to be a parent to the son u two have. another blessing is your son. he needs both or at least one parent to be fully present so that he is taken care of.



no one can break u unless u give them the power to do so. hurt? yes. broken? no. think about it this way...would u want to go thru the rest of ur life married to someone who leaves u on a whim or for whatever flight of fancy (woman) happens into his life. he has not shown devotion to u, concern for u, or that he cares about ur feelings. say goodbye to drama, headaches & heartaches. u need to find the tools to fill the holes these bad relationships have left u feeling like u have. having someBODY next to u in bed at night is not the same thing as someone in ur corner good, bad, up & down. and u cannot get in ur life what u are not capable of giving first to urself. and if the person u are with is not ready for what a committed relationship entails he/she will act that way - or act out, as we say about children.



i'm speaking from personal experience...in less than a 3 month timeframe, i left the guy that i've been married to for over 16 years, moved across country to NC with our daughter, and i don't know what the future may hold, but i damn sure know it will not contain any more of his drama and issues, which were never mine to begin with! i am not only ready for what i know i deserve and want as far as a relationship, but i am open to it. i also know that i am not ready RIGHT NOW for it. it's too soon after the breakup and i need to regroup, take time for me & my daughter, learn myself, re-evaluate the break up, all that. but when it happens i will be ready, and won't feel "incomplete" or like i want someone there to fill a void. u can do it too. take care of u first & ur child. if u need to, find a new job so u don't have to be in such close proximity to him all the time. let him be a father if he's willing. use the time ur son's with his dad as "u time." most suddenly single mothers don't have that opportunity.



1st thing's 1st, look to this storm u're seeing as a means to water the garden...all flowers need rain to grow.



take care

Tina - posted on 07/11/2012

The first thing you should do is pray, trust, wait on God. Contrary to what anyone else may say, God is inclined to your situation. He is waiting for you to seek Him. In your waiting know this, you are more than a conqueror. With almost every tragic situation healing is soon to come,you just have to be patient. Once you overcome you will be able to encourage someone who will be face with the same situation. Secondly, find a friend you could talk to, an open hear is what we need some times. Stay strong because your boys will need you to be strong mother. Stay encouraged

Kim - posted on 07/11/2012

There may also be mommy clubs in your area that you can make friends with and it will give your son someone to play with.

Kim - posted on 07/11/2012

I know it sounds crazy but keep yourself busy! Then time will fly by and before you know it a month, six months, or even a year will go by. Just focus on your son and work and don't sweat the small stuff. Get involved in a class or go shopping or anything that keeps you busy. Don't look at this like "I need him", "I can't function with out him", "I miss him" (blah, blah, blah). Look at this as freedom. A change to drive where you want, hang out with friends, visit people you've been wanting to see for a while, just live your life to the fullest without him. If it's meant to be then it might work out for you two but if it doesn't then so be it. ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! Just pray and God will take care of you and your son!

Erna - posted on 07/11/2012

Start reading self help books or go onto the internet and start reading...you are attracting destructive relationships to yourself...possibly due to your childhood..since it does not seem as if you have family members you can rely on...you can do this, break the pattern..you are not supposed to be with this man...but if you do not heal your own damage and break the pattern of destruction it will continue....you are young..but you have to take good care of your son...or else he will become the victim of the same cycle and you will lose him too...this man sounds like a mommies boy..running back home...dump him...the pain can continue for as long as 2 years..but start healing your life...start with LOUISE HAY...she heals physically and mentally and her books help if you cannot afford therapy...but only you can help yourself and find the will deep inside your heart....learn to love yourself first...then other people/men will love you too...but love your son...he must not become damaged...take one day at a time...and ignore this man..he does not deserve you...love yourself first, you are the most important person in your life!! and the universe is full of goodness and kindness, find it and believe it...you do not need this man.

Allison - posted on 07/11/2012

Hey there, I am sorry if I sound less than respectful, but Christ is not going to help you manage your life. You need to find a therapist as soon as possible, for your own sanity and the well being of your son who will need YOU more than ever he grows. Find one through your church, or find one though a women's outreach group in your community. If you need to, CALL SOCIAL SERVICES in your town. You went into this last relationship with some serious baggage and only you can leave it at the station of the PAST WHERE IT BELONGS. Cry, rage, scream, lament, YES! do all of those things, but find a professional to talk to, immediately. Good luck and sending prayers your way...

Cynthia - posted on 07/10/2012

I can't offer any advice because i am feeling the same way right now. Hopefully whatever you decide it will work out for you.

Alisha - posted on 07/10/2012

Christ. He is the only solution to your brokenness... He is the mender, the restorer, the healer. Turn to Him and turn away from your sins. They will only cause more destruction. Cry out to Him.

Roxy - posted on 07/10/2012

I'm concerned when you say you feel like you are living "our" life alone. Do you mean the life you had envisioned with him? Because, if you are, you can't continue to feel that way. You are not living your life alone, you are living your life with your son.
I know it is hard. My ex and I divorced after 10 years of marriage and even though it was my decision to leave, there were so many nights that I would wake up in a panic and I went through a really bad time.
I don't really have advice on how to pick up the pieces other than to tell you that it just takes time. You have to make a big effort to think about the positive and not the negative and with time it becomes easier until you look back and wonder why you even felt that way to begin with.
And if he has left you before he will leave you again. That is one of the pearls of wisdom my mom told me ;) In other words, he is not someone you can count on or trust to be there for you, he has already proven that. You and your son deserve better than that.

Krista - posted on 07/10/2012

The only advice that I can offer is to try to get through each day. Just take it a day at a time, or if that is even too much, just an hour at a time. If you just keep pushing through each day, it WILL get better -- it just takes awhile. And if you guys were breaking up often before now...then he wasn't the one. I know you're not likely thinking of the future, but being free from a bad relationship frees you up to really figure out who you are, and what YOU want and like, and what you want from your next relationship. In fact that might be a good exercise for you right now -- to sit down and list what you want from your next relationship, and to really focus on what your priorities are.

Of course, where you see each other so often, that makes it harder to heal. Have you considered brushing up your cv and looking for another job? Some distance will likely help you heal.

Other than that, if you have good friends or a good therapist to talk to, don't be afraid to lean on them.