I am disgusted by sex is this normal?

Lana - posted on 02/05/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am 3 months postpartum and nursing exclusively. I tore during delivery and I can't have sex at all because it hurts. The BIGGER issue is that the thought of it repulses me. Oral even grosses me out! Giving or receiving. I'm at my wits end with it! Hubby feels unattractive and I'm having trouble forcing myself to do it. I understand not wanting to have sex is normal, but should it literally gross me out? Another question concerning postpartum. Is it normal to feel as if you have ruined your life by having a baby? No judgement please i'm concerned my feelings aren't normal.

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Dove - posted on 02/05/2013

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Can we ban Beth? Please.... from every single post I've seen her write she is clearly a troll. Disgusting that human beings can be so horrible. @@

Lana, your feelings are perfectly normal at this moment and no, your husband does NOT need to sleep with other women. I'm sure he's capable of 'releasing' himself for the time being.... I do think it may be a good idea for you to speak to your doctor about this though because while it is normal to feel this way at the moment... it is also a situation that needs addressed in order to get you back to a place where you can enjoy all aspects of your life with your husband. It is possible that you may have postpartum depression or just a bit of emotional trauma from your tearing experience... or both.

Hang in there... and make a call to your OB or regular doctor! ♥

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/05/2013

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WTF???? OR YOU KIDDING ME???? Her husband can deal with not having sex until she is ready. He doesn't need to go sleep around when he has a perfectly good hand at home. UNREAL! What a great way to bring some std's home. FFS something is not right with you.

And no, your feelings are not completely abnormal, nor are they completely normal either. I was put off by sex after I had kids also. I tore, and you are right, it hurts. But, the level of stress and possible ppd is worrisome to me. i would speak with your doctor about your feelings, and let your husband know that you love him. Hormones go crazy during pregnancy and after. You will get your groove back in time. But in the meantime, if you feel like you need to speak with a professional, don't hesitate. They may be able to get you back on track.

Kelsey - posted on 02/05/2013

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I ripped pretty bad during delivery too. I wasn't feeling too sexy after the baby was born. Hell, I didn't want sex any, even when I was cleared to. It's normal to feel that way. Ignore what Beth said. I'm still bewildered that she said that. Anyways, your husband has two hands of his own or yours. With the PPD, I think you should talk to your doctor and see what is the norm.

Liz - posted on 02/05/2013

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Beth that was an atrocious thing to say. If that really is the best you can do when it comes to advising others, then maybe you should take a long hard look at just why you came to this forum...or was it just to troll?

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Liz - posted on 02/05/2013

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Your feelings are, by the way, completely normal. Your hormones are all over the place and you've been through a major physical upheaval. Many new mothers feel as you do. I certainly did and I'm perfectly fine now!

The most important thing is that you don't close down lines of communication with your husband. Perhaps don't tell him that you find the idea repulsive, because men aren't too good at handling that information, bless them, but let him know that having the baby has knocked you for six. Tell him that you are not blind to him and how he is feeling, but your body and emotions need to recover a bit more and, meanwhile, sex just can't be on the agenda for you. Try just cuddling instead. That little bit of physical connectedness can be hugely important for new parents.

If you find that you're still experiencing these issues in a month or two, when you're fully healed up, then I would suggest that you confide in your OB-GYN, because there's a possibility that you might have or develop postpartum depression. This would need to be addressed, both for your own well being, self esteem and marital harmony, and also so that it does not come between you and your bonding with your baby. This last is incredibly important.

Meanwhile, please do feel reassured that you're not alone.

Beth - posted on 02/05/2013

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This is typical. He is a man so he will need a release. You might want to consider allowing him to sleep with other women as long as he does it only for sex and does not fall in love with them.

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