I am having HUGE problems with my oldest childs', fathers', girlfriend!!

Kristin - posted on 04/02/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I am married and have one child with my husband, but my oldest daughter is by someone else. Him and I have been having a LOT of problems lately, because of his girlfriend. We have become pretty good friends but all behind her back because she is a jealous person and he doesn't want to get into trouble. Long story short, her and I have been going back and forth over FB and emailing and its gotten ugly. So now him and I don't talk and it is making things hard when it comes to the daughter that him and I share. I don't know what to do. I don't want to cause more drama, but I want to be able to talk to him about OUR child without being slammed. What should I do?

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Meghan - posted on 04/02/2010

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Stop communicating with her!! You have no need to communicate with her because like some other mom's have said she is the g/f. Child rearing should be between you and your ex! And save whatever communication you have had.Your ex needs to step up and stand up to her too, If you are communicating in regards to your child she needs to grow up and get over herself! I know it's easier said than done but this is not fair to you and it def. is not fair to your daughter! Good luck and chin up!

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Anna - posted on 04/02/2010

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Ok the three of you need to go somwhere nuetral and talk it out. not for your sakes but in the strict interest of your daughter. gf needs to understand you have no interest in ur ex in any way other than platonicly. She needs to butt out unless she gave birth to YOUR child she has no say when it comes to you two communicatiung about your daughter. Remember she knew he had a kid when she decided to get involved with him.

Theresa - posted on 04/02/2010

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why don't you try when she's not around to tell him how you feel. You got to remember the child is the one who will hurt the most. Just calm down and be patient and P.U.S.H. (pray until something happen).

Shannon - posted on 04/02/2010

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I am sorry you are having to go thru this I know first hand how bad it sucks. My oldest daughter daddy had a GF that became a WIFE that was like that and she truly wore the pants in that family. It will come down to a point where you will need to talk to this GF and let her know that you are far from a threat. You gave him up so there are not feelings there but because of your daughter you have got to beable to talk to him to make sure you guys stay on the same page or things with her can go south. I am not a big time fighting and screaming woman but it got ugly but I did get my point across and things became much easier. I never understand why the men just can not stand up and say the jealous GF's or wives to back off you have a child together but for some odd reason that never do so you will have to. Good Luck..

Emilie - posted on 04/02/2010

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She is only his girlfriend, you have a child by him. Even if you and him were not friends then ya'll would still have to communicate because of your daughter. I would not worry about his girlfriend, she needs to just get over it and be an adult.

Nicole - posted on 04/02/2010

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ok kristin im going through something like this now my every thing was good between me and her until we got married then it took a turn she started saying stuff and now his son can't come to my house but im mad at him and her because he didn't even say anything to her he just let it ride and her she wants me to ask her when i take him somewhere but n e ways to make a long story short just stop talking to her don't email her don't feed in to that stupid stuff then she'll realize just to stop it

Bonnie - posted on 04/02/2010

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I think that depends on how old she (daughter) is and how serious the girlfriend and your ex are?



If this is a situation where you only have a few years till your daughter is an adult, maybe waiting out the girlfriend and being patient can work, BUT if your daughter is younger and you're looking at the girlfriend being in your and her lives for a while, then you have to be proactive about getting stuff to calm down between the three of you because it WILL negatively impact your daughter.



Remember the GF has no rights over your daughter - you do - and until she becomes a stepmom, that's always going to be your trump card. Even then, what you want comes first over what she wants because she is never adopting your child. You can respectfully remind her of this at any time and you will always be right.



He needs to get off the fence on this. He has to accept the fact that he can not make you and her happy with him at the same time - as long as there is tension between the two of you, one or both of you will always be upset with him. He needs to be reminded of the consequences of this - it's hurting the daughter - and he needs to be reminded of his priorities - does pleasing GF matter more or making sure daughter is happy and taken care of? Put this into words for him and make him think about it. Sometimes we choose not to think about the consequences of our actions because we don't want to admit ugly truths to ourselves - we want to think of ourselves as positively as possible - we need the people who know us the best to let us know when we're messing up.



For better or worse, you DO know him well because you have a long history with him and have a child with him. You are ultimately helping your daughter when you respectfully but firmly confront him about how his ambivalence is hurting her.



Don't even bother talking about how it hurts you because like it or not, your parental relationship with him is not his priority. Just frame everything with how the fighting, not talking, not coordinating, etc hurts her and will hurt his relationship with her.



Hope this helps!!

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