I am lost. I know longer have the patience to deal with my 17 year old son. I want to kick him out

Corne' - posted on 08/14/2011

Is he the only child you have? My eldest son sorted out his brother when he stepped out of line and that kinda helped. Also if you have a relative that has a good relationship with your son, have them do the talking. I think sometimes a mother is just too close and our kids get too used to us. Some tough love? Hope my bit can help you. My only true option for all trouble is PRAYER. This I know works. God IS in control. Good luck.

Madelyn - posted on 08/13/2011

kick him out no matter what there is no excuse for him to treat you poorly. My mother did it to me as a teen because I was out of control and it was the best she could have ever did, sometimes we need to have everyone turn there backs on us to realize. tough love is hard but sometimes its nessesary.

Joanie - posted on 08/13/2011

You are not alone. My son may not abuse me physically, but he would bully me into things. It all started after his father passed away. It got so bad at times he would follow me around the house til I would give in. I had to put my foot down say no more! I am the parent here and you have to respect me. Live by the rules of the house or get out I said.

Paulette - posted on 08/13/2011

Beat him to the point of abuse? I have a 13 year old who Is driving me crazy. Its so sad when you get to the point where you cant stand to be around your own children.

Alina - posted on 08/09/2011

Barbara u do not have to wait for him to turn 18 I have a cousin now 35 that S.O.B was nasty to his parent his whole life I can't stand him i used to report him myself sad to say but i did so did some other family members at one point he was taken away and learned nothing. His parent didn't care much why should we. Do not let your son abuse you this way stand up to him and do something about it report him to the police there is a parent abuse hot line you can call u need to find one in your area. Good luck and don't let it continue. He could even hurt you, you need to protect your self. Good luck

Krista - posted on 08/09/2011

I want to strongly agree that having your child is not the way to go! Seek professional help. Thats the best medicine besides being arrested. Being arrested will be on his record FOR LIFE! A mother or father needs to stick with the child no matter what the situation is.

Krista - posted on 08/09/2011

I want to strongly agree that having your child is not the way to go! Seek professional help. Thats the best medicine besides being arrested. Being arrested will be on his record FOR LIFE! A mother or father needs to stick with the child no matter what the situation is.

Jody - posted on 08/05/2011

First off, you do NOT have to wait until he is 18 to have him arrested. If he is physically or emotionally abusing you, call the cops, serve him a citation, and put him in juvenile. I don't care if his father abused him and he thinks you let him, he is old enough to be responsible for his own actions now and falling into the same trap of excusing himself like his father and you are LETTING him. Do not be a victim a second time!

And NO you are NEVER too far gone and you wanting him to be responsible shows that he has a good chance of getting past this because people like this need support. He does need counseling because each time he sees you in his mind he also sees his father abusing him and the underlying anger comes through. He is in danger of becoming a repeat offender with a girlfriend or wife in the future and it is up to you to help him go i the right direction.

Laural - posted on 08/04/2011

If you were standing right there, watching your kid get beaten by an abuser and doing nothing to end this situation, then I can see why he is angry and resentful. Still, this does not condone his violent and abusive behavior, which he learned from his father. Why are you waiting until he is 18? Call the cops on him now or get him the therapy he disperately needs. Age 18 isn't a magic number where you can just kick him out. Especially if he is abusing you now and you do nothing about it.

Beth - posted on 08/04/2011

You are in a tough situation & one I dealt with a few years back with my one of my own children. I did some research & found out that in most states you are considered legally responsible for your child until they are 18 or out of school (whichever comes first). At the same time, forcibly committing your child to a mental health facility is not possible after the child reaches age 16 so that makes the age you are dealing with really tough when the child has become a problem. I agree with the others who suggest working with a therapist. Even if he won't go, you can often get help with the emotional strain as well as build a case with a professional should you need to take legal action. The other possibility is to emancipate him -- this would mean is a legal adult but that takes court action & his desire to have the emancipation as well as his ability to prove he can provide for himself. As for his physically abusing you, that is an arrestable offense NOW! That is how we finally got our middle son help. He trashed a wall in our house, so I called the police on him. They took in & he was evaluated by a mental health professional who recommended in-patient treatment. Since my son was so mad at me for calling the police on him & his choices were to come back home or go into the hospital, he opted for the hospital (thank GOD!!) He is now a highly productive, well-balanced 23 year old with a marvelous wife who we adore. We have healed the wounds & he has realized that his biological father's treatment of him was not my fault.

KELLIE - posted on 08/04/2011

TAKE A BASEBALL BAT TO HIM...HE'S IN YOUR HOUSE AND DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT FOR YOU TO KEEP HIS HANDS TO HIMSELF...YOU HAVE TO SHOW HIM WHO THE ADULT IS...HE KNOWS YOU ARE AFRAID OF HIM...DO NOT BE SCARED OF ANYONE WHO BREATHES THE SAME AIR AS YOU ESPECIALLY SOMEONE YOU BIRTHED INTO THE WORLD...BEAT HIM DOWN!!! AGAIN,YOU HAVE TO SHOW HIM WHO THE ADULT IS...THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL...

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/03/2011

I believe you can get him arrested for the abuse now since in some states and provinces the actions of a child around that age can have him be tried as an adult.

I really hope you can get some help from all of this. I really don't know what else to tell you because it's really sad to hear it.

Lora - posted on 08/03/2011

I am so sorry for you and your son. Have either one of you had any type of therapy? If not both of you need some. His father was a pure ass wipe and that's being nice. Do you know if your son is envolved in drugs of any sort? The next time he starts to escalate I would tell him to get out, before he hits you. Next time he does hit you I would call the police and let them deal with him. They have resources and know how to utilize them. I would take advantage of that before he really hurts you. At this point you have to think about yourself. I know he's your son but he has to start being responsible for his own actions and stop blaming everyone around him for his problems. Especially you.

Carolyn - posted on 08/03/2011

I've been through the same exact situation, but I didn't wait until he was 18, he was 13 when i had to phone the police for assault and destructive behavior. It opened up all new doors for us, he's seeking therapy, has a caring probation officer, and is doing much better in school. After spending a few hours in front of a judge, and some brief hrs in lockup, he smartened up. He's sorry for his behaviour and a fun loving son to be around again, Just call, don't think twice, it's best for you both in the long run.

Robin - posted on 08/03/2011

Kathy is correct, this is way beyond your scope. You havent stopped loving in and that is not the issue. There are lots of resources out there that you can get help for both of you. He is not yesterdays garbage that you just toss out. You both need help and if you called the police department and asked them for a suggestion on an anger management they will give you the resource without asking why. also you can call your local tri county health center and ask for help. Wish you all the best!

Kathy - posted on 08/03/2011

My nephew began getting violent at an earlier age, he is now in Prison, after in Juvie, he hit a guard and broke his jaw, recently he was almost released to a half way house where he could learn life skills, and before he was realeased he hit another guard and this one needed stitches, it amounts to felony charges now, and he was transfered to the adult prison, he will turn 18. He was adopted and his early life was one of abuse, he has never been able to handle his anger. I would suggest counseling asap for your 17 yr old, and he must be willing to change, My sis in law was almost murdered by her son, he choked her and almost threw her out the window of a 2 story house over an argument over a video game. I don't know if yours is too far gone, a counselor can determine what the best is for him, but you need not become a victim to him or he will become more aggressive and hurt you. My nephew blames all of 'us' especially his adoptive mom, for his probs...'you made me do this' is one of his favorite defenses. She has given him nothing but love and support even when no one else did, and desperately tried to get him through school and acceptance, even when he stuck out at her. Id say, do get help, you cannot do this on your own, ask your dr, a clergy person, talk to the police, find out your options..remember you are trying to help him and you both, before something very bad happens..do take care,

Debra - posted on 08/03/2011

I highly recommend reading "The poisoning of Americas Youth" by Dr. John Rosemond. You will either love him or hate him but give the book a thorough reading. It addresses why so many young people are acting out these days and why there are so many "new" behavior problem diagnosis these days. No one, including your child has to live based on emotions. We are intelligent creatures capable of learning to reason and control our emotions. Unfortunately we are also creatures of habit and sometimes do the same thing over and over expecting to get a different result. You can also check out Dr Rosemond's website, just google his name.

Mary Louise - posted on 08/02/2011

Call the police and tell what he is doing. Bring charges and do not back down. You can not continue to be scared of your own child.

Rebecca - posted on 08/02/2011

I don't know if this will help you but it has helped my teen. His bahavior and attitude had been a problem all last year. Over the summer we've begun a book study of 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. Of coarse my kid didn't want to cooperate so we tied it to Xbox previleges. In the end, he and I began reading this book together. It has opened up a line of communication that we hadn't had in a long time. I used myself as an example to help him take responsibilty for his actions. He became more honest and his attitude has changed. He still gets off track but all I have to do is ask what habit is he using and he gets back on track. I think this book should be required reading for all middle school and high school families. I even gained insight that has helped me too.

SarahBeth - posted on 08/02/2011

You are never too far gone. Tell him that you cannot change the past, and only he can change is future. This is your house, if he lives here - it is your rules. Your rules include family therapy from the local HEW abuse clinic. YOU need the therapy to stop accepting it. HE needs it to stop doing it.

Dee - posted on 08/02/2011

No, its never too late. First you need to seek help. Either a therapist, or other organization, make some phone calls. Your local church may have some anger management help or guidance that can be useful. Dont count it out if your not religious, what have you got to lose? Anyway you look at it you need a mediator of some kind. Never let him put his hands on you, if he does it he will have to be arrested, this can lead to help! You simply need help, both of you. This sounds like an urgent problem, take care of it now. I wish you the best!!

Bonita - posted on 08/02/2011

I agree don't wait until he is 18! Go to his school counselor or local hospital and ask for a community resource. Most localities have a "community resources board" which provide services- counseling and other treatment options on a sliding scale. The problem with waiting is then you have no right to "make" him get the help he needs. It sounds like there is a lot of pain in there that he needs to deal with so that both of you can be safe, happy & healthy. Act now before you lose your right to help him! Once he is an adult it is out of your control. And it is never too late! It may never be what you would have wanted for your relationship, but it can be better!
Thinking of you and praying for you!!!

Susan - posted on 08/02/2011

Yes Dear you have gone to far.
Go see a Pastor hopefully find a Rhema Bible Church in your area. This is not my church. I just know thier love. i am not promoting them. Your childs Love for you is very twisted. Your response to him is being as normal son. You can not love this cituation with normalcy. You need to find a change point in his and Your Life. i pray you find strength. Take him camping hahahaha. I assume he is Fatherless also. A heavy pulling on a young man with no father. Fear and Hate and results of Temper and physical acts are just and extention of hate. Forgiveness and Love.

Ariesgirl - posted on 08/02/2011

Have you taken him to a therapist to talk out some of his anger? If he is still in high school, the school has a therapist on staff or can recommend one. Good luck!

Debra - posted on 08/02/2011

Why do you have to wait until he is 18? Press charges now, he will most likely be eligible for tons of counseling now while he is underage. Abuse is abuse no matter how old he is. If you were to strike back I guarantee children and youth would be knocking on your door looking to arrest you. Why give him a special "free" pass to mistreat you simply because he isn't 18 yet. Call the police the next time something happens and then when he is taken away get back on here and we can talk you through this. Some of us have been there. You are not alone. Your son needs help and to face consequences now not later. Later may be too late. By making him face up now you are helping him, by continuing to allow this you are hurting him.

Patricia - posted on 08/02/2011

I so agree with you.Ya just can't give up.

Lesa - posted on 08/01/2011

u need to get him so help before he hurts you or some one else or worse he kills you.sorry he need to get help you can not help him.

Kirsty - posted on 07/30/2011

Go to your doctor for help as he can involve therapists for yourself and your son. He can be saved but if you go to police chances are the hatred will intensify and get worse untill he eventually ends up in prison wher he mixes with hardened criminals and you will never save him he will probably be involved in crimes the rest of his life. Give him a chance to change his ways with the correct help available to him.

Latonya - posted on 07/28/2011

i think even though ur ex husband beat him when he was younger, it not ur fault that this happen.u know what u can do u can always still call the cops on him and have him arrested he be in juvenile dentention, he have no right to hit you at all, u never to far to call the cops. do sumething now before it to late

Sue - posted on 07/26/2011

Hey Barbara, Here is some advice. He needs counseling of the domestic violence that he is doing will continue to his wife and his children. Please help him stop this cycle of abuse. Also, there is power in prayer. My first husband was physically and verbally abusive. He died at the age of 31 by an assisted suicide. He needs help and you need to call and have him called on the carpet by the authorities now. Don't wait until he is 18 years old. I had the step daughter from Hell with my 2nd marriage. We called the authorities on her several times. I have been hit by a teenager too. I know how it feels. My son who is 16 years old talks back but only in an augmentative way. He is just trying to show that he is a young man. Being a teenager is not only hard on the teenager but it is hard on the parents also, I hope my advice has helped you. Please stand up and respect yourself so that your son can respect you too. It takes a village to raise a child. I hope you like the support you need to help your son heal from the emotional & physical abuse that happened to him when he was young. I hope his biological father is out of the picture. Take Care. Big Hug! Sue

Dusky - posted on 07/25/2011

u need to hardn up and smack him back i think whats happend is that u have for so many years felt bad for what his father did to him that hes got spoilt and that u should jus kick him out or get him help coz thr only to ways thats goin to happen to him locked up for a very long time or he will put u and mayb a gf in hospital coz he feeling sorry for him self sorry but u need to lay the law or out my aunty keept her son who was jus like that n now shes a old lady stuck at home lookin after his kids and gets the bash now in again so id say kick him out or let the cops get him

Laurien (Bo) - posted on 07/25/2011

I have the same problem - mine is 17 on Saturday. I have had him see school counsellers for a lot of his primary school years and nothing has worked. He physically bullies, torments and hurts his younger sibblings but shows no problem at school - very sneaky so no one believes me.I don't think you should wait til he's 18 - he could seriously hurt you before then. Have him arrested the next time he lays a finger on you - the police will give you advise and he will get a shock that you've really done it. He should have consequences and realise you don't have to put up with it. Only if you make things change will there be any change. He will just keep on doing what he is doing and get away with it. It's really hard but good luck.

Hannah - posted on 07/25/2011

Get him out of your house...and move. he sounds like a sociopath, run away.

Bernadette - posted on 07/25/2011

KICK IN HIM OUT IS NOT THE SOLUATION I KNOW THAT IT IS HARD TO DEAL WITH AN ABUSE SON BUT I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD SEEK HELP FOR HIM FOR HE NEED IT FOR KICKING HIM OUT IS TURNING YOUR BACK ON HIM AND THAT WILL ONLY ESCERLATE THE FEELING HE HAVE FROM WHAT YOU SAY HE BALME YOU FOR HIS DAD BEATING AND THAT IS PART OF THE REASON HE IS ABUSING YOU NOW FOR HE FELT THAT YOU WEREN'T ANY HELP WHEN HIS FATHER WAS ABUSING IN HIM SO NOW THAT HE IS OLDER HE IS LASHING BACK AND HE BLAME YOU FOR HIS ABUSE U NEED TO GO TO HIS SCHOOL AND TALK TO HIS TEACHER AND GUIDANCE COUNSELLOR AND LOOK INTO PLACES FOR HYPERACTIVE CHILD. HAVING A MALE TALK TO HIM BESIDE HIS FATHER SO THEY WILL SHOW HIM THAT HOW HIS FATHER TREAT HIM WAS NOT RIGHT AND HE DONT HAVE TO BE LIKE HIM. BUT HON THERE IS HOPE AND HELP FOR BOTH OF YOU I KNOW THAT IT HARD BUT IT WILL GET BETTER ONCE U GET THE RIGHT HELP ALL D BEST

Chrissie - posted on 07/25/2011

I can sympatize what you are going through. My daughter (now 19) was a handful from day 1. I kept telling the doctors there was something wrong but they insisted things were fine. By gr 6 she was being suspended all the time she was in and out of therapy, and other help support groups. She has a gr 8 education because she was kicked out of schools in the Niagara area due to behaviour. We never abused her in anyway and always tried to redirect her. FACS and police got involved when she was 12 and removed her from my home due to the safety of myself and the other 3 children. She was moved around to diferent jails and foster/group homes. She was recently diagnosed with dual borderline personality disorder and heart problems as well as developmental disability. Now my 17yr old daughter is starting to be real rude and obnoxious and over bearing..she starts counseling next week and is going to take anger management and some life skill classes. I hope things get better for you

Angela - posted on 07/25/2011

Remember that you are his mother and that whatever decision you have made in the pass does not have anything to do with letting him treat you this way, I would slap his face and ask him what color the carpet is while he is on the floor, and say dont you ever disrespect me again, I am you mother and you only get one. if he go to react call the police before you knock him down again.

Eva Marie - posted on 07/25/2011

you can have him arrested now.......He needs counseling get him help now before he ends up really hurting you DO NOT wait till he puts you in the Hospital

Jeannaka - posted on 07/25/2011

Get a BIG calender and put it in plain view. Everyday mark off the day until his 18th birthday. Remind him that if he doesn't get it together by that day he's out. If if comes back and threatens physical harm, get a PPO and a bat incase you have to fend him off until the police get there. It is not your fault. If he wants to work through his issues seek family counseling. I encourage this, but his behavior is intolerable and disrespectful.

Zaitoen - posted on 07/25/2011

Shame, and then it makes one wonder why we make the sacrifices for our kids. You need to put your foot down and stop making him feel as if he is the victim, so many kids is worse off our there. He is trying to make you feel guilty for his actions...Don't allow it!

Crissy - posted on 07/24/2011

Yes..I would have him arrested.there is such a thing as PARENTAL abuse...and if you're scared, maybe he needs to be SCARED STRAIGHT! At his rate, he's going to end up being a "wife beater"...especially if he sees that he can get away with it with his MOTHER!! At his next "episode", CALL THE LAW!! He can't be doing this...ESPECIALLY to the one who gave him life!

Marilyn - posted on 07/24/2011

It really all depends on if you would like to continue a relationship with your son. There is a chance he will grow out of this, and when he does, he will remember your response and choose to continue a relationship with you based on that response.

Seeking a family therapist may be a good option here. It'll get the ball rolling on your communication with your son, and send the message that you do love him, but his behavior isn't acceptable.

Obviously if you are in danger, you need to protect yourself and report this. I would let him know legally he is not to touch you, and that he could be arrested. And as far as the emotional abuse, remember he is an angry 17 year old male, ragin with testosterone. That alone could be a huge part in his aggression, which is not at all his fault. He needs to learn how to handle his anger, appropriately. I'd suggest a therapist before giving up on him.

DiAnn - posted on 07/24/2011

You don't have to wait till he's 18, call the police now if he hits you. He needs counseling, and so do you. It's never too late but you need to be seperate. He's no better than his father now, is he.

Angel - posted on 07/24/2011

Counselling is a good idea, however...he has to want it. Unfortunately, after they turn 12 or 14 we can't force them into counselling. And even if he does go to counselling, if he doesn't want to he won't get anything out of it. Charging him is not really the answer either, sometimes, it just makes them feel tougher. There is no easy answer to this question, take it from a mother in a similar situation, not the abuse but just the common disrespect teenagers show their parents. He just needs to be reminded that he needs to treat others the way he wants to be treated and that hitting is not the way to deal with frustration. Anger management might be a better idea than counselling. You could also find a teenage parenting class so that you can find supports and possibly learn some dealing tactics. Overall, he needs to know that you support him and are standing by him no matter what happens. Also, if you really want to kick him out, you don't have to wait until he's 18, parents are not legally financially responsible for our children after the age of 16 and therefore have the right to make them move out at any time after that. Hope this helps.

Jareen - posted on 07/24/2011

Barbara, I know that this is difficult, but kicking him out is not the answer, you have to get help for your son. Do all that you can do until you have tried every area. Try contacting Dr. Phil and don't stop sending emails until he replies. I wish that he was around for me when I was having problems with my younger son. You don't want to kick him out for he will turn to something worse and then it will only bring him pain in the future. As I was saying I wished that there was other areas for me to turn to when I was having problems with my younger son. I sent him to his Father, and he ended up in prison, but he eventually changed. I sent my son to his Father because he gave me so much problems, my Doctor suggested that I did, I had medical problems and had to send him to his Father who in return did nothing to stand in agreement with me against his son behavior. So I know the road that you are walking. Mean while you have to pray, and ask God to take a hand in this situation, you can call the 700 Club and asked them to pray for you and your son their number is 1-800-759-0700 give them a ring prayer changes things in the right direction no matter how it turns out, I know it will turn out for the good. My prayers are with you in these difficult times. Unlike other's Barbara God is good all of the time not some of the time, take your son and the situation to him and let him know that you cannot do this any more and you need Him to intervain.

Jessie - posted on 07/23/2011

Oh and sometimes getting arrested can be a wake up call. My oldest brother had some abuse in his past and had some aggression issues. Even though my parents gave him all the help he needed he still had some issues. He got arrested once (it didn't stay on his record because he was 17) but it was a wake up call for him.

Jessie - posted on 07/23/2011

I would say that getting him help is very important ASAP. I am wondering if he has gotten any outside help before and if not, why not? However, he is old enough to hurt you and while it might go on his record don't be afraid to call the police if it gets serious. You need to help him but don't let him get physically abuse you.

Louise - posted on 07/23/2011

my advice to you is to get the both of you into counseling because he will go on to abuse anyone in his life. It is a cycle.

Kathy - posted on 07/20/2011

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater Help him Jail isn't going to do anything for either one of you

Kathy - posted on 07/20/2011

The home you provided for him all his life should be a safe haven for him if he doesn't appreciate that then that will be his loss Try everything you can but abuse is Unacceptable on any level It is hard to undo what someonelse did but It is up to you to make sure it stops with him Throwing him out will only make him feel More unworthy cuz that's what getting beat does to a person Use your words You will find the right ones speak from your heart He is looking for Attention and trying to find his self worth
Good Luck

Sharon - posted on 07/20/2011

call the police asap. and then get counseling..