I am not a bad mother because I CHOSE not to breastfeed!!

Logan - posted on 01/28/2009

If you're so comfortable with it, why do you sound so defensive?



If anyone has actually made comments to you about being a bad mom, they're jackasses, but this kind of post is pretty lame.

Diane - posted on 01/28/2009

This debate drives me crazy (so does the working mom vs stay at home mom) It's ridiculous for anyone to judge a mom for the decisions we make. We are all individuals and need to decide what is best for our own situations. Personally I did breastfeed both of my babies for their first year, but many of my friends and family chose the bottle. This was never an issue for us, I guess I was blessed that we all just respected each other's decisions. As for the weird looks you get, I had plenty of those (and commentary too) while trying to feed my babies in public (and believe me, I went to great lengths to be modest, covering completely and hiding in the most secluded spots) Just make the choice that is right for you and remember you don't need to defend your choice, after all, it's just that, YOUR choice!

Janelle - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Lacey:

Im having a hard time deciding what to do... bottle or breast feed?! I dont like the guilt that people throw your way for wanting to bottle feed. Is it really going to be that horrible for my child to be fed from a bottle instead of my breast? I think thats what makes my decision so hard.... I will take any advice I can get!!!

 

I did both for my baby. I actually only produced milk on one side so I had to feed formula for half her feedings and than at 6 months she decided she only wanted to bottle feed.  I think it is awful about the guilt people put on you for not breast feeding. If  I could choose I personally would fully breastfeed, not neccesarilly because it is healthier for the baby but once she stopped breastfeeding I realized how much I loved it and how much I was going to miss it. As well it doesn't cost anything. Formula is expensive and they have to be on it until their a year old.

I almost gave up on breastfeeding at the beginning becasue I got mastitis, I had a really bad infection. I had to take tylenol 3's 20 minutes before I fed but it is so unbelieveably worth it. Do what you can though, if you can't do it or don't wnat to that's your choice and I'm sure your baby will grow to be a healthy beautiful baby.

Melanie - posted on 01/28/2009

I did not breast feed for that same reason & my kids are just fine!They areadults now & I dont see that it harmed them @ all so stick to your beliefs your not negeclting your baby because of the choice you made>I hope this helps some.Good Luck Melanie Miles P.S. Shes is adorable!

Kaitlyn - posted on 01/28/2009

you need some psyciatric help all you are doing is being a bitch.......really you need to grow up  everyone has a right to their oppinion  but you are being just down right nasty.......people like you make me sick.......not all of us didnt breastfeed  beause of low cut shirts......some of us did not feel comfortable.....and as children feed of their parents emotions that would also make the child uncomfortable.......does the child not have the right to be comfortable while eating???? or is that selfish of the child??????? anyone who keeps making us "bottle feed " mothers feel bad need alot of helpp and should learn the age old addage " if you cant say something nice............Dont say anything at all"

P.S NOT ALL CHILDREN LATCH........SOME JUST ARNT MENT TO BE BREASTFEED!!!!!

Heather - posted on 01/28/2009

You are not a bad mother! I chose not to breastfeed either. I had to go back to work fairly soon after having my daughter. I am a music teacher in an elementary school and I have no time during the day to pump. I didn't want to start breastfeeding and then have to stop so quickly. My daugher is happy healthy, has been sleeping through the night since she was 6 weeks old, eats like a champ and is very smart. It's a very personal decision and it's different for everyone. I couldn't be happier with my decision...plus my husband loves to feed her. :-)

Kaitlyn - posted on 01/28/2009

everyone needs to quit this........all she wanted was for everyone to understand she is not a bad mom.......thats all any of us want......we all have enough people in our lives judgeing us why do we have to come on facebook and be judged as well..........i think that since we are all obviousley mothers we should all stick together and support each other no matter our choices....... 

Lynda - posted on 01/28/2009

As a mother who breastfed 3 children, I feel that it's a personal choice & you should not feel bad about your decision. I do not think that you're a bad mother for making that decision at all. I think that if you had given into pressure to do something that you didn't feel it would not have been a very good experience for either you or your child. Your child's first months should be filled with love and bonding, not stress and anxiety about breastfeeding or not.
Trust yourself. You made the decision that was right for your family, and don't let anyone make you feel that it was wrong.

Cyndee - posted on 01/28/2009

I agree with you, breastfeeding is all about choice.  A mother who chooses, for whatever reason, not to breastfeed should not be condemed by other mothers but should be supported for the choice she made.  One should keep in mind that a child can feel when their mother is not comfortable and it wouldn't be a good experience for either one of them.  Now, I have chosen to express my milk and not latch on my child because I am not comfortable with having my child latch on and I by no means feel that I am not bonding with my son - we play, we read, we dance, we sing - all part of bonding.  I am always disppointed when I hear mothers put down other mothers because they don't make the same choices as they did. 

Lynn - posted on 01/28/2009

Post a reply!Whatever negative things others say, just take it with a grain of salt & let them talk. Whatever your reason, that is your choice. It's not a major deal. Yes, breastfed babies are healthier, but it is ultimately your decision & any friend will accept that & be there for you. Thats what I think about it. I wanted to breast feed my daughter but had no milk, so, she's fine, just independent all her life. You go girl! :-)

Erica - posted on 01/28/2009

I chose to breastfeed my daughter, but it was just that MY CHOICE! It is your decision to chose how to feed YOUR CHILD. And who cares what anyone else, books included have to say about that! You have to decide what is best for you, and your child and your family - not anyone else! I am just the opposite I recieved a lot of flack from people because I chose to breastfeed, but I have quickly learned that people are way too quick to offer their own advice and the best thing is to just trust your gut instinct and quit listening to everyone else's so called expertise! You are the Mom and as long as you love your daughter and feel you are making the best choices for the both of you than that is all that matters!

Tamara - posted on 01/28/2009

i agree with u i hav 2 children boy & a girl both are perfectly healthy & i only breastfed with both of them while in hospital i didnt want 2 do it at all when i 1st fell pregnant but my partner & i decided it would b good 2 give it a try so i did & was not comfortable with at all but chose 2 do it wile in the hospital 2 make it a lil easier... most friends of mine & ppl that i hav heard of hav tried breastfeeding for a few months & thier babys had sleepin problems & were fairly sooky babys... but alot of my friends were also like me & did not breastfeed & babys sleep great

Kerri - posted on 01/28/2009

You are not a bad mother by any means!!!  Never tell yourself that, and NEVER let anyone on here dis-respect you just because they think that breast-feeding is the only way!  I read a few things on here and I was shocked!  People don't need to open their mouths if they don't have anything positive to say!  I did not breast feed my daughter and she was born pre-maturely and she is more than healthy now, so what does that say for myself?  Am I a bad mother too?  I think not!  I give her everything she needs and she is a beaming child who has a passion for life!  You did nothing wrong, and you keep your strength up...don't listen to anyone who has a bad attitude!!  You did what you felt best for your child and that's all that matters!!

Corinne - posted on 01/28/2009

I absolutely agree. I chose not to breastfeed, and my daughter is healthy, strong, and very smart. I can't stand when people judge based on that decision.

Angel - posted on 01/28/2009

There is noting wrong with choosing not to breastfeed.  I breastfeed all three of my children and really enjoyed it.  What I tell other mothers I know is do what is best for you.  Breastfeeding is not for everyone, and if you chose not to do it, that is fine.

Lisa - posted on 01/28/2009

I can't believe someone would say it is 'selfish' to not breastfeed. For one: some people don't produce milk and can't because of that.  For another, it is the mother's choice! My mother didn't breastfeed myself or my sister, and our grandmother didn't either for her four children. I did for 6 weeks, but was having trouble producing milk because of the stress I was going through at the time. The only thing I can say about not breastfeeding would be that my sister and I both have allergies....I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but it is a factor. On the other hand, some people develope allergies when they are older too. I wonder if they were breastfed when they were little? So all in all.....you are not a 'bad mother'!

Roxanne - posted on 01/28/2009

I agree--I have 4 kids and I did NOT breastfeed any of them!! And they are all gorgeous,smart,and most of all healthy!!

When I had each one the nurses at the hospital tried to bully me into breastfeeding--but I was just not comfortable with it!

My doctor finally told me --it was my choice and that the baby could feel my anxiety.So I think breatfeeding is a choice

and you should do whats right for you, and YOUR baby!!!!

Sounds like you doing a good job!! Keep it up!!

Krissy - posted on 01/28/2009

Who cares what anyone else thinks! I nursed both my boys, but could care less what other moms do! It was easier for me because I was to lazy to make bottles. Don't worry about what other people say, your daughter is beautiful. Motherhood is not a competition!

Lindsay - posted on 01/28/2009

I myself have a 3 month old daughter and I have been breastfeeding exclusively since she was born. I always knew breast was best but was afraid it would be hard, painful and that the public wouldnt except me. I was very surprized when I had a elderly lady come to me in the mall and tell me how proud of me she was for being so open (ofcourse I was covered up) I think it is becoming more exceptable in peoples eyes as a natural and healthly choice but in saying that I also belive that for whatever reason you have for not wanting to breastfeed, it is your choice and you will always have your daughters best interest at heart no matter what the books or other mothers say!! You are a great mother and it shows because you worry, keep your head held high!!

Melissa - posted on 01/28/2009

I tired to breast feed both of my daughters. My oldest I was only able to do it for 3 weeks and then had to stop. She did not want to feed. My youngest did it for about a month and that was the same reason is because she did not to feed any longer. Either way it is your choice on how you want to feed your child. Yes they do say breast is best but they also say to do what you think is best and what is comfortable with yourself.

Savannah - posted on 01/28/2009

Amen! I just look at people and tell them my daughter is within her height and weight bracket, she's healthy and happy. I tried breastfeeding, but it got to a point where I was so stressed because we were in the process of remodeling a house, that I decided it was better for my daughter to be a happy bottlefeed baby than a discontent mom and baby trying to breastfeed.

Christine - posted on 01/28/2009

i agree!! i didnt breast feed becoz i chose not to. like your little one my little boy is relly healthy and happy no different frm his breast fed friends . every mum shud have a choe as to wot they want to do and nither way is rite or wrong its wot the individual choses to do !!

Chantel - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Barb:

 I'm 43 years old and have three children, all breastfed. My 19 year old daughter just had a baby and is nursing as well. Its natural, beautiful, and what is best for a baby.

The reason you keep reading that breast is best is because it is. Period. Even the formula bottles and commercials reiterate that breastmilk is the perfect food for infants.

You obviously feel somewhat guilty about your own choices (many of you on this thread) and I'd highly suggest you think about why you chose not to breastfeed. You say you're not comfortable - I ask with what? The breasts God gave you to make milk to feed your children? I k now MANY mamas who were UNABLE to breastfeed and I have no issue with that.

And as much as you say not to judge or call you a bad mother - there will be those - especially on the internet, who will also have the chutzpah to say too bad if you dont' like me saying it - you made a selfish choice and thank goodness your baby DID thrive. I know too many infants who did not because their mothers chose to give them man made powdered milk because they were too selfish to nurse. 

   and I'm not afraid to share THAT opinion. A bad mother? I'm sure you're not. Any of you. You love your babies and I'm sure raise them well. But did you make a selfish silly choice?

 Yep - I'll say it. If you didn't want to nurse because you'd be uncomfortable, embarassed or whatever, thats a selfish reason to deprive your baby of the BEST. Formula may give them what they need (or not ) but its not whats best. The formula bottles and doctors all agree. Mothers make milk. Its what breasts are for. Its why we HAVE breasts for petes sake.

So I guess my bottom line is that if I see a mama bottlefeeding, I would not say anything- it could be breastmilk in there for all I know, or mama tried and couldn't nurse, or whatever. Its not my place to say anything, nor would I. 

But if you come out  here on the internet and say you chose not to breastfeed because you're uncomfortable with the idea of using your breasts to feed your babies? then yes, I do take issue with that and find it immature and quite selfish.

and to the poster who said she coudlnt' make enough milk to feed big babies - that is absolutely ridiculous and you've been totally misinformed.

Beauty of the internet - free speech.

Besides, why would you choose to give baby powdered man made milk and spend hundreds of dollars on it when you make the perfect food and its free, and always warm? Don't think it makes a woman a bad mother - just perhaps uneducated.

I know that breast is best, I never said it wasn't, just that there is a good alternative for those of us that can't or don't want to breastfeed.

 AGAIN, I DO NOT feel guilty about my choices. They are after all, MY choices. I was uncomfortable with it, none of your business why.

 You say you know a lot of babies who didn't thrive because they weren't breastfed, well I say I know a lot who didn't thrive being breastfed. I don't think the reason the babies didn't thrive can be blamed on the formula. The fact is that formula is made to be a good alternative.

 My choice wasn't selfish nor was it "silly". Nor am I immature for deciding what was best for us in our situaltion.

Beauty of the internet- free speech and I'd like to say who gave you the right to judge others? I didn't come on here and say you are a bad mother or your selfish or immature or silly...you did so what does that make you?

 I am far from uneducated, thank you very much. When I made the decision to bottle feed I knew the facts.

Chelsey - posted on 01/28/2009

Even though i have already contributed to this thread, i've carried on reading all the responses to this subject.  I honestly believe this conversation has gotten way out of hand  and needs to be ended now!  I've read comments from both side of the fence, which is cool as everyone has the right to their opinion, but its getting abusive now and thats not why this thread was started.  I think we should agree to disagree, accept everyone has different opinions, and let it lie now before it gets really out of hand. 

Bobbie - posted on 01/28/2009

What is best for baby is a happy, attentive mother.

If someone is going to be judged fit or not on their feeding choice, I would have to say that a loving, attentive mother who bottle feeds trumps the mom I saw nursing her newborn in one arm, fully exposed, pushing a grocery cart through the aisle last week. No way was she paying attention or appreciating that moment with her child...but, she's great because she's breastfeeding?!

Kirsty - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Chantel:

I am not a bad mother because I CHOSE not to breastfeed!!

I keep reading that "breast is best". Yes I realise that. I also have read that the only "good" reason not to breastfeed is medical. I chose not to breastfeed, yes. I did it because I was not comfortable with it. I've read that that isn't a good reason and that I'm a selfish mother for not doing what is "best" for my baby just because I was uncomfortable with it. Well. guess what? She is beautiful, smart and has never been sick at all and we have an awesome bond. I love my daughter unconditionally and no one can tell me I made a bad decision by choosing not to breastfeed.
And I'm not saying anything against breastfeeding at all, I am simply saying you can not call someone a bad mother because they choose differently.

of course your not,and if anyone tells you otherwise,tell them to take a hike.its your child,your breasts,you do whats best for you chuck.

Tara - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Malinda:

"mothers not breastfeeding our babies when they grow up to be just as smart and just as healthy as breastfed ones?? "

Because they don't... scientifically, emperically, definitively. This has been shown. It isn't propaganda - the medical community does not gain from breastfeeding (in the sense that nobody is selling more formula by promoting bf-ing). As mothers, nobody is going to look at their own child and say "you know, s/he did have two more ear infections than the kid down the street" and connect it with formula. But when medical experts take thousands of samples and compare medical records through adolesence, this is what they see. They see higher IQ's in breastfed babies, fewer allergies, less occurance of asthma, diabetes, SIDS, and other diseases. Just because YOUR child doesn't have asthma, doesn't mean there is no risk.

BTW, what I'm doing right now is answering a question. Never once did I say "you're giving your kid asthma." Judgement is different from sharing information.

1. Why would the medical community gain anything from the sale of formula?  The medical community benifits from teaching breastfeeders, and I'm pretty sure they don't have to pay for that milk while you're in the hospital. 

2. I have several Doctors I know personally, all of whom say they recomend the breast in practice but don't feel there is a REAL long term difference.

3. I have a 14 year old that never looked at a breast (for none of your business why!) Has a higher IQ than his peers, was skipped ahead in school 2x, NEVER gets sick, no known alergies, bonds just fine, etc.  My little girl was breastfed and has developmental shortcommings, has a cold at least every 2 months, has had tubes in her ears, cannot connect, is alergic to things.....I could throw cousins and friends into the mix and share my own statistics.

3. You have to remember when you look at statistics that there are trillions of other factors too.  When you change the geographic location or the other ways of life for example, your findings will differ every time.

4. Maybe the reason one kid had more ear infections is because they were born sooner and the canal didn't tilt?  Maybe they kept water in their ears after baths?  Maybe they refused hats.  You can't positively connect something like that to one reason!

INFO: YOUR CHILD IS LESS LIKELY TO DEVELOP ASTHMA IF YOU LIVE IN A WARM & DRY CLIMATE.  YOUR CHILD IS LESS LIKELY TO DEVELOP EAR INFECTIONS IF YOU DON'T USE Q-TIPS.  YOUR CHILD IS LESS LIKELY TO BECOME OBESE IF YOU INTRODUCE FRUITS AT AN OLDER AGE AND  SERIOUSLY LIMIT SWEETS AND SALTS THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD.  YOU ARE LESS LIKELY TO DIE IN A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT IF YOU WALK EVERYWHERE.  :) SHOULD I GO ON?

Let's all move to Arizona, stop cleaning our kid's ears, eat meat and vegies from our yards, and walk everywhere to please those who feel we may not be doing enough to provide well for our children!  The fact is that bottle or breast is a choice to be made between a mother and her child.  There are acceptable alternitives to breastfeeding if one is so inclined.

WOW!  We ARE beating a dead horse.

Mariela - posted on 01/28/2009

Deciding not to breastfeed does not make you a bad mommy. Don't let anyone convince you of that. I attempted to breastfeed my first child and chose to stop the madness when I was borderline manic depressive. It was tough times as I was not producing enough milk for him even after 2 months. I also didn't feel comfortable with having my child suck on my breast so I was pumping all the time which took more time away from my baby. The stress was taking a toll on me and ultimately not allowing me to enjoy my son! I now have a month old daughter and attempted again. Same stress again and this time around my baby was latching on incorrectly which made me very uncomfortable. The truth is one night I was crying over the stress of producing more milk and catching up to my baby ( who was already on 3 ounces of formula) when I realized I wasn't attempting because I felt my baby would be doomed if I didn't. I was trying to keep others happy and in the end the only ones I should be making happy are my children and my husband. My husband was supportive of me no matter what I did and I decided to stop. I still got the weird reactions/looks (silent treatments) when I told people I wasn't breastfeeding but really none of them could ever argue that I'm not a great mom. I know I am and my kids are healthier than most babies I know (even the breastfed ones). In fact my son is very healthy and smart and my daughter is on the same track!



So go with what makes you comfortable and what you think is best for your baby and yourself.

Katie - posted on 01/28/2009

Every family does what they need to do to function and live happily and with some sanity. If breastfeeding didn't fit into that for you, I will not be the one to tell you it's wrong. I breastfed for my sons first six months, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Breastfeeding didn't make me a good mom or a better mom, it's just what worked for Noah and I. You keep loving that baby to pieces and don't take other peoples opinions too seriously.

Kerensa - posted on 01/28/2009

i agree, I chose to stop breast feeding because i didn't feel like i could do it!! myson would'nt latch on and he wouldn't suckle properly and he was losing weight rather than gaining weight at 3 months i put him on formula!! and he's a right little trooper now!! he's clapping and walking with things, he's saying the odd word!! I wish i could have carried on breastfeeding but, I did the best thing for my son, and that turned out to be formula!!

Chantal - posted on 01/28/2009

Mums shouldnt be in the position to be called bad mums if you choose not to breastfeed. I did breastfeed but not for very long as all my babies were big (8lbs 6 1/2oz, 9lbs 8oz and 9lbs 13oz). We shouldnt get made to feel guilty if you cant or choose not too do it.

My first born had reflux so she had to go on anti reflux formula, second i got mastitis and with my last one she wasnt putting on the weight.



All my girls are beautiful and smart and we bonded very well. Even dad bonded with them too as he could feed them.



Would you believe this the hospital gave me formula but didnt mention it in my notes. Very fishy if you ask me.



For those out there thinking if i should go to formula go for it, its your body and noone can tell you otherwise.

Joan - posted on 01/28/2009

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone, not a soul. You choose what is right for you and your child, if you are uncomfortable with doing something a certain way I am sure your child can sense that and on some level it could be a situation that is more harmful then anything.

Marie - posted on 01/28/2009

Good for you! My children are grown up now and all were breast fed. My daughter chose not to breast feed and my 3 month old grand daughter is just as happy and healthy as all my children were. Your child is happiest when you are happy, so the best you can do is what's best for you. She's yours to do the best you can for. Others can only say what's best for their child, not what's best for yours. Well, that's my opinion anyway.

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2009

Yep - I'll say it. If you didn't want to nurse because you'd be uncomfortable, embarassed or whatever, thats a selfish reason to deprive your baby of the BEST. Formula may give them what they need (or not ) but its not whats best. The formula bottles and doctors all agree. Mothers make milk. Its what breasts are for. Its why we HAVE breasts for petes sake.







You want to say people are selfish and kids who didn't get breast fed aren't as healthy...boy are you misinformed. I bottle fed my daughter because she wouldn't latch on and she slept thru the night by 6 weeks..My son on the other hand was breastfed and he didn't sleep thru the night for 6 months. My daughter was always where she needed to be for height and weight and my son has just barely broken the 25th percentile for weight and the 10th for height. My son is three now asnd not even 30 lbs, my daughter has always been right on track. So how has brest milk "helped" my son more. He's also sick more than his sister was at his age. So don't tell me breast fed kids are always healthier.

Kim - posted on 01/28/2009

I've got a couple of friends who chose not to even try breatfeeding and their kids are in great health and they have a great bond with them. I breastfed both my kids for four months each and, I'm telling you, it was so frustrating most of the time. Our bond became greater when we went to formula because I no longer resented the time I was stuck in a room nursing by myself (never could get the hang of doing it in public).

Melissa - posted on 01/28/2009

Yes, because Web MD is always right and we should all believe everything we read on the internet! This conversation is so ridulous now! Why can't you be satisfied to allow everyone to their own opiniion without having to tell them they are wrong, selfish, or uninformed? My guess is most everyone researched this topic well before making a decision. Our (the 30-somethings) generation was almost exclusively bottle fed...that was what was promoted to our parents. I think generationally and across the board iq's remain broad and varied. HOWEVER, the comments and attitudes I see on here certainly indicate there are some low ones on this board! LOL! Bottom line is, make up your own minds and then respect others for their right to do so as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Barb - posted on 01/28/2009

 I'm 43 years old and have three children, all breastfed. My 19 year old daughter just had a baby and is nursing as well. Its natural, beautiful, and what is best for a baby.

The reason you keep reading that breast is best is because it is. Period. Even the formula bottles and commercials reiterate that breastmilk is the perfect food for infants.

You obviously feel somewhat guilty about your own choices (many of you on this thread) and I'd highly suggest you think about why you chose not to breastfeed. You say you're not comfortable - I ask with what? The breasts God gave you to make milk to feed your children? I k now MANY mamas who were UNABLE to breastfeed and I have no issue with that.

And as much as you say not to judge or call you a bad mother - there will be those - especially on the internet, who will also have the chutzpah to say too bad if you dont' like me saying it - you made a selfish choice and thank goodness your baby DID thrive. I know too many infants who did not because their mothers chose to give them man made powdered milk because they were too selfish to nurse. 

   and I'm not afraid to share THAT opinion. A bad mother? I'm sure you're not. Any of you. You love your babies and I'm sure raise them well. But did you make a selfish silly choice?

 Yep - I'll say it. If you didn't want to nurse because you'd be uncomfortable, embarassed or whatever, thats a selfish reason to deprive your baby of the BEST. Formula may give them what they need (or not ) but its not whats best. The formula bottles and doctors all agree. Mothers make milk. Its what breasts are for. Its why we HAVE breasts for petes sake.

So I guess my bottom line is that if I see a mama bottlefeeding, I would not say anything- it could be breastmilk in there for all I know, or mama tried and couldn't nurse, or whatever. Its not my place to say anything, nor would I. 

But if you come out  here on the internet and say you chose not to breastfeed because you're uncomfortable with the idea of using your breasts to feed your babies? then yes, I do take issue with that and find it immature and quite selfish.

and to the poster who said she coudlnt' make enough milk to feed big babies - that is absolutely ridiculous and you've been totally misinformed.

Beauty of the internet - free speech.

Besides, why would you choose to give baby powdered man made milk and spend hundreds of dollars on it when you make the perfect food and its free, and always warm? Don't think it makes a woman a bad mother - just perhaps uneducated.

Eve - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Lacey:

Im having a hard time deciding what to do... bottle or breast feed?! I dont like the guilt that people throw your way for wanting to bottle feed. Is it really going to be that horrible for my child to be fed from a bottle instead of my breast? I think thats what makes my decision so hard.... I will take any advice I can get!!!

Good for you for investigating the issue!  Information is power!  Check out a La Leche League group in your area (go to http://www.llli.org/ to find contact numbers, groups and times) before you have your child.  They will give you a lot of great information that will help you decide what to do.  These are women that really know their stuff, and LLL has been around for decades, helping women make choices like this.  Good luck!

Malinda - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Shannon:

BTW, the woman who thinks breast fed babies have higher IQ's is an idiot.  I was bottle fed and my IQ is in the top 4% in the world.  My daughter was bottle fed and hers is even higher than mine.  It's genetics not the type of milk you drink!

A little link for you: http://children.webmd.com/news/20080505/...

You can put your MENSA card away now.

Ellen - posted on 01/28/2009

Most breastfeeding moms I know do it that way so dad can be a part of that bonding that is just so special. I dont care how you do it, everyone is different and everyone has to find what's best for everyone involoved, but that time when it's just you and your child bonding over a meal......Nothing in the world beats that feeling....

Shannon - posted on 01/28/2009

BTW, the woman who thinks breast fed babies have higher IQ's is an idiot.  I was bottle fed and my IQ is in the top 4% in the world.  My daughter was bottle fed and hers is even higher than mine.  It's genetics not the type of milk you drink!

Ellen - posted on 01/28/2009

Dont ever let anyone make you feel bad for doing what you feel is right especially if your daughter hasn't been harmed. I CHOSE not once but TWICE not to breastfeed. I can give a thousand people a thousand good reasons for why I chose not to, but the simple truth is I didn't want to. It's just not me. I also know that if I want to I can change my mind at any time and produce milk and try it so the decision not to breast feed is never final. It just makes me mad when people try to make me feel as if I'm less of a woman or a bad mom because I didn't want to. A friend of mine and I had a debate over my decision not to breast feed shortly after his wife had their 3rd. He insisted that his wife breastfeed all three of their children, but they are barely a year apart in age. He pointed out how happy and healthy his kids all were(while I refrained from pointing out that after 2 months each had to be suplimented because there wasn't enough milk to go around). He tried for hours to get me to change my mind not taking into consideration that no matter what the research states and doctors say I wasn't going to do what he wanted me to because it wasn't what fit with my vision of how I wanted to raise my child(not to mention none of his business). And in the end that is what is most important as long as the child is getting everything that he/she needs to be healthy, happy and well loved. To all the people who might say I'm terrible for doing as I wished and what might not have been "best" for my sons, they are happy and healthy, the 5 month old just so happens to be the size of an 8 month old and is firmly getting bigger and better everyday.

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Irasema:

Quoting Katie:

I have no problem with anyone who chooses not to breastfeed. I'm just glad that you're not making excuses.

So many moms watch me feed my son and say, "I wasn't able to do that because s/he just wouldn't latch" or some other lame excuse, which really upsets me seeing how I worked so hard to be able to breastfeed my 31 week old preemie who couldn't eat for 2 weeks nor could he latch and get a descent amount for over 2 months and had to take a bottle as well as breastfeed. Now that he's almost 6 months old I'm glad that we did it.

I just wish that other moms who want to say something about giving their baby formula would say the same thing as you: I just didn't want to breastfeed.

Those of us who say this  are NOT making excuses. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. I did want to breast feed. I tried very hard, I cried myself sick when i couldn't get my daughter to latch on properly. I went to lactation consultants ect. It just didn't work. Maybe some people are making excuses but not all of us.

I think it is unfair to say that people who can't beastfeed are making "excuses."  I am very happy for you that you were able to breastfeed your 31 week old preemie.  I was unable to breastfeed my 33 week old preemie, which was the heartbreak of my life.  After several months of trying and pumping, only to recieve about 4 ozs of milk total, for the 8-10 times of pumping per day, I decided to quit in order to regain my sanity and begin to heal.  I spoke to numerous lactation consultants and took numerous supplements.  I felt horrible and often questioned if I tried "hard enough."  Emails like the one above are what make me feel like maybe I didn't try hard enough, although on a rational level I know I did.  Again, congrats to you, but your post is not supportive and contributes to this idea that women who don't, or in this case can't, breastfeed are bad moms.   

Shannon - posted on 01/28/2009

Not breast feeding does not make you a bad mother by any means, whether it is for medical reasons or not.  I did not produce enough milk (probably because I was single, still working, and still in school, hardly any sleep) so my baby had to take the bottle from the beginning.  She is now 8 and maybe gets one very mild cold a year.  She only goes to the doctor for well checks and is so healthy they said she can now do well checks every other year.  My opinion is that there are so many toxins in our environment that they are finding breast milk to not be as good as it once was.  Probably because people are not as healthy as they used to be.  Don't worry...just tell people to mind their own damn business!

Melissa - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Jennifer:

Thanks, feminists! You've made a habit of celebrating selfishness! What a positive contribution to our culture.

How ignorant! LOL! Yes, feminists are ruining our culture...how brilliant of you!

We "bottle-mommys" are not selfish. Wanting to be pregnant, going through childbirth and all the risks that involves, and making all the daily sacrifices we ALL make as devoted parents is NOT selfish. I am not celebrating selfishness in the least. I am making my decision based on what is best for my ENTIRE FAMILY...to include my babies, of course!  I have always held and bonded with my babies during feedings. I really think calling anyone "selfish" is extremely offensive and out of line!

Secondly...why do breast-moms feel so inclined to ask other mothers (whom they don't even know) about their breasts, whether they breast feed, and all kinds of personal things? I do not wish to be confronted by a stranger and forced to discuss my body, my baby, or my choices! Have some respect for other people and get off your high horses! I am an adopted child...obviously not breast fed! I have been the picture of health my entire life, breezed through school and college, and have always had a close, loving relationship with my parents.

By the way, MANY breast-mommys are "feminists"! One thing has nothing whatsoever to do with the other! And yes, I am a feminist! I have a mind as well as a body, an education and a family to raise. I have made many contributions to our culture, and for that, you are welcome! :)

Malinda - posted on 01/28/2009

"mothers not breastfeeding our babies when they grow up to be just as smart and just as healthy as breastfed ones?? "



Because they don't... scientifically, emperically, definitively. This has been shown. It isn't propaganda - the medical community does not gain from breastfeeding (in the sense that nobody is selling more formula by promoting bf-ing). As mothers, nobody is going to look at their own child and say "you know, s/he did have two more ear infections than the kid down the street" and connect it with formula. But when medical experts take thousands of samples and compare medical records through adolesence, this is what they see. They see higher IQ's in breastfed babies, fewer allergies, less occurance of asthma, diabetes, SIDS, and other diseases. Just because YOUR child doesn't have asthma, doesn't mean there is no risk.



BTW, what I'm doing right now is answering a question. Never once did I say "you're giving your kid asthma." Judgement is different from sharing information.

Melissa - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Jennifer:

Thanks, feminists! You've made a habit of celebrating selfishness! What a positive contribution to our culture.

How ignorant! LOL! Yes, feminists are ruining our culture...how brilliant of you!

We "bottle-mommys" are not selfish. Wanting to be pregnant, going through childbirth and all the risks that involves, and making all the daily sacrifices we ALL make as devoted parents is NOT selfish. I am not celebrating selfishness in the least. I am making my decision based on what is best for my ENTIRE FAMILY...to include my babies, of course!  I have always held and bonded with my babies during feedings. I really think calling anyone "selfish" is extremely offensive and out of line!

Secondly...why do breast-moms feel so inclined to ask other mothers (whom they don't even know) about their breasts, whether they breast feed, and all kinds of personal things? I do not wish to be confronted by a stranger and forced to discuss my body, my baby, or my choices! Have some respect for other people and get off your high horses! I am an adopted child...obviously not breast fed! I have been the picture of health my entire life, breezed through school and college, and have always had a close, loving relationship with my parents.

By the way, MANY breast-mommys are "feminists"! One thing has nothing whatsoever to do with the other! And yes, I am a feminist! I have a mind as well as a body, an education and a family to raise. I have made many contributions to our culture, and for that, you are welcome! :)

Michele - posted on 01/28/2009

I have never felt any guilt for not breastfeeding my 3 children. They 3 happy healthy children that I have a very close bond with.

A note : Just being a mom opens you up to a world of guilt. Everyone has an opinion or advise and ther`s always a book wriiten about it. Do listen , do read and then make your own choice. Only you knows whats best for u and your family.

Life is too short to worry about what others are saying . Just love her and make her laugh and all is well.

Besides, if you think this is hard wait to you see what the moms are saying in play groups and the dreadful "school years".

Just enjoy !!!!

Tara - posted on 01/28/2009

As a Dr.

Scientific resarch says breast is best....any other research you will find currently today says that.

Tara - posted on 01/28/2009

As a Dr.

Scientific resarch says breast is best....any other research you will find currently today says that.