Sarah - posted on 01/28/2009

I know what you mean about breastfeeding being weird and uncomfortable. I knew I was going to do it for my child because it's the best for them...but until I actually did it...I felt really weird. I must say it was the best thing I ever did though. It is an incredible feeling giving your child something that only you can give them. I did have trouble with latching...so it wasn't an easy road. I would recommend to all Moms to at least give it a try because the awkward becomes normal and wonderful. My husband helped. We started giving a bottle of breast milk at 2 weeks. I stopped at 4 months because it was too much with the demands of my job even though I was part-time. I know that I probably wouldn't breast feed after 6 months because he was my little man...then it was hands off! To think about it now....I"m a little weirded out...but at the time it was great. I have friends who didn't breast feed...and that was their choice. I don't judge people for that...but there's no denying the benefits of breast feeding...even though bottle fed children are fine also. It was your choice, so don't allow yourself to feel bad about it.

Chantel - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Sarah:

I am going to take back what I posted earlier. I think that moms that don't breastfeed simply because they don't want to, or are afraid their children are not getting enough are ignorant. Moms that cannot due to medical reasons, or work full time and cannot produce enough are understandable, but It is the best thing you can do for your child and it is beyond me why people don't. Nursing is free and better than formula. What especially irks me are mothers who get welfare and don't breastfeed... hello? I still nurse my 2 year old and though not socially acceptable we both love it and will continue as long as we want to.

Ok. "ignorant"? Really? Come on...Your child not getting enough is not an "ignorant" reason. When you feed her for an hour and then 20 mins later she's crying because she's hungry, that means she's getting enough and she's a happy baby? And if someone doesn't want to, so what? Would it be better for them to force themselves to do something they don't want to just because we're told that we have to? And in the end can you look at people as adults or even an older child and say " oh they must have been breastfed, look how much better they are!!"

Someone tell me why some of you are making such a big deal about us "ignorant, selfish" mothers not breastfeeding our babies when they grow up to be just as smart and just as healthy as breastfed ones?? And I don't mean that to come out as rude or anything. I honestly want to know why you women that are so against bottle feeding feel the need to judge those of us that bottle feed?

Malinda - posted on 01/28/2009

"Did you ever think that some women just can't handle that stress even for their own child? "



Dude.... if you can't handle the stress of breastfeeding, the next 18 years are likely to be a very rude awakening....



That said, there are plenty of legitimate reasons to quit and go to the bottle. Or better yet, do both! My personal point is that a woman should at least TRY and do her best to provide this for her child.

Malinda - posted on 01/28/2009

"You may not understand why we made the choice we did as bottle feeding mommies but why do you care? I don't look at breastfeeding moms and ask why? It is my choice and no its not just about me which is why I made that choice for us. We are both happier."



It certainly doesn't keep me up at night. I wouldn't even say I "care" in the "feel the need to convince you you're wrong" sort of way. I just don't understand. You certainly don't HAVE to justify yourself to me or anyone else, but we're sharing opinions and thoughts here. Maybe someone has an actual answer to the question, but usually all I get is the "it's MY body" sort of non-answer.

I guess I even bother to think about this because it isn't a question like "binky or no binky" where there are no real medical consequences either way. There is an actual answer to "which is better for your child" which is even acknowledged by the op. I just can't understand why someone would consciously make the scientifically inferior choice (again barring medical issues) without even trying.



Maybe you tried both and *know* that you're both happier, but I can't imagine how one would know that without trying.

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2009

I am going to take back what I posted earlier. I think that moms that don't breastfeed simply because they don't want to, or are afraid their children are not getting enough are ignorant. Moms that cannot due to medical reasons, or work full time and cannot produce enough are understandable, but It is the best thing you can do for your child and it is beyond me why people don't. Nursing is free and better than formula. What especially irks me are mothers who get welfare and don't breastfeed... hello? I still nurse my 2 year old and though not socially acceptable we both love it and will continue as long as we want to.

Chantel - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Jennifer:

Thanks, feminists! You've made a habit of celebrating selfishness! What a positive contribution to our culture.

Again, as I have already mentioned(more than once i believe) My decision was not selfish!!!! I did what was best for me and my child in our situation. My daughter is a positive contribution to our culture, whether she's breastfed or bottle fed. You can't call me selfish because I chose to bottle feed when you know nothing about me or my situation or any other bottle feeding mother on here. You think you're better because you chose to breastfeed? Thats fine, but don't slander others just because you don't agree with their choices.

Chantel - posted on 01/28/2009

I just wanted to add to everyone who has told stories about all the trouble they went through so they could breastfeed their child. Did you ever think that some women just can't handle that stress even for their own child? And when it is so stressful for the mother is it possible that maybe, just maybe that mother makes a good decision to formula feed so that she doesn't have a breakdown?

Helene - posted on 01/28/2009

Hi, you don't have to breastfeed.
You do what's right for you and your baby and don't let anyone dictate what you need for your child. Children sense anxiety...bottle feeding is great...
I breastfed and used Adiri bottles for formula. My son had formula too and is just fine!
good luck.
Check out the site..
http://www.bebeccino.com/boutique/produc...

http://www.bebeccino.com/boutique/home.p...

Brianna - posted on 01/28/2009

First of all, Someone just asking whether or not you are breastfeeding is pretty much an invasion of privacy. It's no concern of theirs... and if the are so hell bent on breastfeeding then they can have a child of their own and do it themselves. They didn't help make the baby. They didn't help birth the baby. They probably aren't going to be raising the baby. As long as that baby isn't suffering and is happy and healthy, then a mother (and/or father) supplying for her child is a good mother.

Brianna - posted on 01/28/2009

First of all, Someone just asking whether or not you are breastfeeding is pretty much an invasion of privacy. It's no concern of theirs... and if the are so hell bent on breastfeeding then they can have a child of their own and do it themselves. They didn't help make the baby. They didn't help birth the baby. They probably aren't going to be raising the baby. As long as that baby isn't suffering and is happy and healthy, then a mother (and/or father) supplying for her child is a good mother.

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2009

Thanks, feminists! You've made a habit of celebrating selfishness! What a positive contribution to our culture.

Chantel - posted on 01/28/2009

Amandaroo Maier

People like you are why I started this thread in the first place.  I can't believe how rude and ignorant you were. Not only are you on a high horse but you seem to have a stick up your *** too.

Rebekah Horner,

I didn't start this to become a war between the mothers but like someone else said there are always different sides in everything but it seems to get very heated when it comes to different views on parenting. I'm sorry you feel "attacked" by bottle feeding mothers, hopefully I wasn't one of them that made you feel that way. I was just trying to say that just because one chooses to bottle feed does not mean that they love their child less or don't want to do whats best for them. I'm not saying the bottle is better, just that it's a great alternative for those of us who can't or decided we didn't want to breastfeed.

Malinda Scott

You may not understand why we made the choice we did as bottle feeding mommies but why do you care? I don't look at breastfeeding moms and ask why? It is my choice and no its not just about me which is why I made that choice for us. We are both happier.

Malinda - posted on 01/28/2009

I realize this horse is dead and gone, but I do feel a need to add my $1.50. I do not judge woman with bottles on the street. I have never (consciously) given a woman any sort of look for how they are feeding their child - I know nothing about their circumstances. I absolutely understand that breastfeeding can be challenging, but what I genuinely don't understand is why you wouldn't at least TRY. Why you would let personal hang-ups or fear of difficulty keep you from doing something that is truly best for your child? Thank goodness for formula - babies would die without it, but if you CAN breastfeed, why wouldn't you? Formula is NOT the same thing as breastmilk. Nothing about becoming a parent is easy, and the desicions you make are no longer about what YOU want imo. It's all about what is best for your child and barring medical issues I really don't see a good justifiable reason for just... not trying.



Again, when I see a woman on the street, I know that I have no idea what her history is and what has prompted her to make the choices she has, but when I hear people say "I just didn't want to" or "I wasn't comfortable with it" I genuinely don't understand. I'm sure somebody will say "because it's MY CHOICE." But really... is it? It's not just about you any more.....

Katie - posted on 01/28/2009

Oh Honey, don't let anyone make you feel bad about your choices as a parent! You know what is good for your child and for you, and that is what matters! I formula fed my oldest son, and am nursing my youngest son, and guess what: They are Both happy and healthy! We can't do everything the best or perfect way - we are human, but if you love your babies as you obviously do, you are a good and caring mother! Nurture is the most important thing.

Rachael - posted on 01/28/2009

Of course you are NOT a bad mother because you are not breastfeeding!  What works for you and your children is expectantly different from what works for another mother and child.  However, it should be noted that breastmilk is the perfect food for babies.  I noticed some mothers posting on this page saying that babies will not get enough nutrients from breastmilk alone and that is not true.  Furthermore, babies will also get the perfect amount of milk - not too little, and certainly not too much (unlike some formula fed babies that are given a specific ounce to consuem).

I believe your bond with your baby will be a strong one so long as you love and nurture him/her.  Regardless of "how" you feed them.

Frances - posted on 01/28/2009

I agree totally with your decision not to breastfeed your daughter and it certainly is not a negative indicator of your mothering abilties.I breastfed both of my children longer than a lot do.It worked out for "us".The key word being "us" that doesn't mean it works for everyone.

On the other end I got negative comments for doing it so long. Just smiled, nodded and did what I thought was best. I often say that there is no way you can talk rationally to someone who is irrational and some people on soapboxes get that way.

I have always stuck steadfastly to the statement that the choice of breast-feeding your infant is between you and your child,no one else has the right to intefere with such a personal decision. If either of you don't want to do it, don't. don't let anyone guilt you(as the mother) into breastfeeding just because they think it is best.It can cause unnecessary strain for both of you ans as a result not be in the best interest of either of you

.Your daughter certainly hasn't suffered by your decision.

Rosie - posted on 01/28/2009

I totally agree wtih you.  When I had my first child.  I cried for a whole week cause I was having problems breast feeding.  Every time he latched on I thought he was going to rip my nipple right off.  By the end of the week, something just clicked and I decided to pump my milk instead and feed him with the bottle.  He still got the milk just in a different way.  Also it gave my husband the opportunity to bond with him during feeding times.  No body should be judged and YOU are NOT a bad mother.

Rosie - posted on 01/28/2009

I totally agree wtih you.  When I had my first child.  I cried for a whole week cause I was having problems breast feeding.  Every time he latched on I thought he was going to rip my nipple right off.  By the end of the week, something just clicked and I decided to pump my milk instead and feed him with the bottle.  He still got the milk just in a different way.  Also it gave my husband the opportunity to bond with him during feeding times.  No body should be judged and YOU are NOT a bad mother.

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2009

I didn't bread feed my daughter because she never seemed to latch on right. I felt a bit guilty but she thrived. She's 11 now and perfectly fine. I tried again when I had my son and this time it worked. It didn't last too long though, because I was always wondering how much he had actually eaten. Being a good mother is being there for your children. It has nothing to do with if you breast feed or not. My best friend is a great mother and she never breast fed her kids. You know you r bond with your daughter is strong and that's what really counts.

Mandy - posted on 01/28/2009

For those who have replied and are still on the fence...



I was not able to breastfeed, although I had already htought I wouldn't. My daughter came 2 months early and the NICU had to bottle feed her in order for her to gain weight so she could come home. Once they have the bottle it is hard to switch them, but I tried to breastfeed anyway. It did not go well for either of us. I also tried pumping for 2 weeks, and between the amount of time it took and the horrible way my husband started looking at my breasts I decided it wasn't worth it for me.



My daughter is almost 8 and is taller and smarter than pretty much every kid in her class. (this is proven with test results, not just my biased opinion!)



My point is, breastfeeding is a personal choice each mom has to make and support any mom either way, but I hope that women aren't choosing to breastfeed because they fear their child may somehow end up 'less-than' other children if they don't.

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009

Honestly - don't feel guilty, we're too hard on ourselves and each other - do what you need to do to keep yourself, your baby and the rest of your family happy and healthy! Who cares if someone else does it differently - we should be supporting each other ladies, the fact that we have a choice and can make our own decisions!

Barbara - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Jennifer:

....Another belief I have is that this breastfeeding craze is a little trendy.  My grandmother told me that during her child-bearing years, nobody breastfed.  Now that we have the internet and tons of medical studies hammering breastfeeding benefits into our heads, some moms jump on the bandwagon.  And for those that don't join 'our little group', are considered bad moms.  Don't believe that.  You are providing a safe, nuturing environment for your daughter, which is more than I can say for some moms out there...

It's true that there was a relatively recent generation in which no one breastfed, but for the thousands of years of humanity that came before that one, every baby was breastfed.  I think that the one non breastfeeding generation was the strange one, not the current movement back to the normal way of feeding our young.

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2009

I believe breastfeeding is a personal choice, the same as working versus staying at home.  You do what works for you and your family.  There are great advances in formula that provide ample nutritional needs, and it is more convienient.  I breastfed my daughter for almost a year, it was frustrating and rewarding, but she still gets ear infections and colds now that she's school age. 

Another belief I have is that this breastfeeding craze is a little trendy.  My grandmother told me that during her child-bearing years, nobody breastfed.  Now that we have the internet and tons of medical studies hammering breastfeeding benefits into our heads, some moms jump on the bandwagon.  And for those that don't join 'our little group', are considered bad moms.  Don't believe that.  You are providing a safe, nuturing environment for your daughter, which is more than I can say for some moms out there.

Anna - posted on 01/28/2009

Don't think anyone has ever said you are a 'bad mother" b/c you don't breast feed. Sounds like you did what you thought was best for your baby. that is all anyone is every doing. Us "breastfeeders" get the same questions though in reverse. "Aren't you EVER going to give her a bottle?" "You know you could give her some formula its not that bad." "you know, she is going to get too attached to you if you breastfeed too long." The answer to these from our perspective is no, we could not just give formula and no she isn't going to get a bottle, and as for becoming too attached, that is just a joke. Because we believe that breast is best, that is what we do for our children. i think that's all you can do, is try to do what's best for you baby, and be confidant and comfortable in your decisions. sounds like maybe you doubt yours...

Barbara - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Jamie:

On the issue of breast vs. bottle, I was actually told by the Pediatrician in the hospital that although many people insist "breast is best," there really is no difference. I believe I would trust the word of someone who holds a doctorate and has administered care to infants and children for over 20 years. That being said, I do sometimes regret that I didn't, and I am more open to the idea of breastfeeding for a second child.

I would talk to another pediatrician.  I respect that this one has a lot of experience, but there has been a lot of research done in the past 20 years on the whole breastfeeding vs. formula debacle that he may not be aware of.  I also read in a different post ( I can't remember which one exactly) that breastfed children lose the benefits after infancy, and then there's no difference between the health of a breastfed child versus a formula fed one in adulthood.  Unfortunately that has been found to be untrue.  Formula feeding increases your child's risk of obesity in adulthood, adult onset diabetes, and in female children it increases the risk of breast cancer.  They are also more likely to develop chronic intestinal diseases.  That's just a few of the findings that people who chose not to breastfeed may not have been made aware of ahead of time, which is unfortunate.

Your child sounds like he's very special, you sound like a great mom and I'm sure he will be fine no matter what. It's just too bad that your doctor would have told you something like that without giving you the whole story.

Kristi - posted on 01/28/2009

Right ON! Thank you!

Ardeliah - posted on 01/28/2009

I hope you tell every single fool who gets annoyed at you for not breast feeding where they can stick their opinion! Breast feeding is a very personal intimate experience that you can have with your child. Some people are lucky enough to have it all work and be able to do it no problem. Others not so much. I did. I enjoyed it. But that does not mean that everyone will. I have friends who couldn't breast feed for medical reasons and I even know someone who didn't cause it would wreck her figure. So what? Everyone has their own choices to make in life. Whether or not your child is breast fed is not a biggie. That the child is loved and fed is more important than how the child is fed. I'm sorry if this feels a bit ranty, it just gets me so mad when someone says there is a right way to do things and that breast feeding is the only right way. Where did they find the manual because my kid sure didn't come with one.

Kim - posted on 01/28/2009

I agree with you.  I never had any intention of breastfeeding, I just wasn't feelin' it.  My oldest is almost 18 now and he was always healthy.  He was always in the 90% for kids his age and never had an ear infection.  My second son who is now 10, same for him.  People use to always say "you can tell that kid doesn't miss a meal."  I think the one thing that did make a difference though is that I ALWAYS held my babies when I fed them and didn't prop them with a bottle.  Good luck to you.

Chelsey - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Chantel:

I am not a bad mother because I CHOSE not to breastfeed!!

I keep reading that "breast is best". Yes I realise that. I also have read that the only "good" reason not to breastfeed is medical. I chose not to breastfeed, yes. I did it because I was not comfortable with it. I've read that that isn't a good reason and that I'm a selfish mother for not doing what is "best" for my baby just because I was uncomfortable with it. Well. guess what? She is beautiful, smart and has never been sick at all and we have an awesome bond. I love my daughter unconditionally and no one can tell me I made a bad decision by choosing not to breastfeed.
And I'm not saying anything against breastfeeding at all, I am simply saying you can not call someone a bad mother because they choose differently.

Hi,

I managed to breast feed with great difficulty, but in all honesty,  dont think i could do it again!!  A lot of my friends are about to become first time mums, and I tell them that they should only do it if they feel comfortable to, and not to let anyone bully them into it!!!  Not breastfeeding does NOT make you a bad person.  Its things like this that cause woman baby blues, as they think they've failed their baby.  I suffered terribly, cracked and bleeding nipples, mastitis, and excrutiating pain, and i said i'd rather give birth again then go thru that pain again!!  Its definitley a personal choice, and no one has the right to dictate, only to give advice!!  At the end of the day, the advances made in powdered milk are amazing, and that gives your baby everything he/she needs in terms of vitamins/minerals/nutrients etc!!

Good on you for highlighting this subject, and I hope lots of expectant mums who are worried about breastfeeding , read this and realise its their choice, and whatever they decide, thats up to thm, and mum knows best!!

Chanequa - posted on 01/28/2009

I understand both points of view here.  The pro-breast-feeding propaganda is so strong that it's hard not to feel guilty.  Despite having some serious complications and being told repeatedly by her doctor to stop breastfeeding, my sister-in-law continued to try for months because of pressure from friends and family.  As someone who became a parent via adoption, I thought I'd be off the hook in terms of the pressure.  I was wrong!  I've gotten pressure to try to stimulate lactation, even though it's generally not successful for women who've never born children (unless you're willing to ingest massive amounts of hormones, which is not an option that I could, should, or would take) and potentially traumatizing for those who are unable to conceive.  And many of the standard books on infant care provide little to no information on bottle-feeding.  The assumption seems to be that mothers should be breastfeeding and thus no information about bottle-feeding is necessary.

On the other hand, there's such a stigma around breastfeeding.  I recently read an article about the hostility received by moms who have returned to work and need to pump during the day.  And I've seen people glare at nursing mothers as if they're committing a crime.  Sure, perhaps some women are less than discrete about baring their breasts.  But the vast majority that I've seen are.

Breastfeeding is a natural process.  That doesn't make it obligatory.  But it doesn't make it a problem either.  Keep in mind that there are huge pendulum swings on what makes good parenting.  About 40 years ago, there was a big push to bottle-feed because the medical community was convinced that formula was superior to mother's milk.  Now the pendulum has swung the other way.  What remains the same is that all babies and parents are different.  What works for one won't for another.  And for the most part, it's okay. So maybe we moms should just stop guilting one another and trying to one-up each other on the lengths we'll go to for our children.

Quoting Rebekah,

I have been abused in shopping centre feeding rooms, because I asked a bottle feeding mother if I could breastfeed my baby there?!? It has become as difficult and socially unacceptable to breastfeed as it has been for bottle feeding mothers. We are not on our "high horse" but we should not be put down because we breastfeed! IT IS the natural thing to do, because that is why women have breasts!!! Because they DO produce milk!! It is different for every woman, because we are not ALL the same, we do not ALL think the same, we ar e not ALL brought with the same state of mind. I have read every thread here and while a woman has the right to bottlefeed a woman CERTAINLY DOES HAVE THE RIGHT TO BREASTFEED AND BE PROUD THAT SHE DOES EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE SHE CAN!!
I have a 23week premmie and was told I would have to bottlefeed her for her to survive.... HA! I stood strong and expressed for over 4 months 6-8 times a day, brought her home and was told AGAIN that I should bottlefeed... but AGAIN, I stood strong and told them that I simply would not do it!
My daughter has had only one hospital admission, since she came home and has not even had a sniffle in 2 years! I opposed "medical advice" and my daughter is the healthiest premmie the doctors have come across!?! I had to say my piece, because, as everyone's situation is different, not only have a had to fight to breastfeed my premmie, I am a single mum of three and have only ever had trouble feeding my children because of other people's opinions on breastfeeding.
Oh, and one more thing.... why WOULD you start a thread like this one unless you did just feel a little guilty for the decision you made? It must, deep down, bother you that even though you could have tried....? You didn't even bother!!!!

Dede - posted on 01/28/2009

I do think that breastfeeding is the best... but, i do not think u as a bad mother... we take motherhood in a very different terms, right? for some people, motherhood is prioritizing your child and not thinking about yourself... but not for others... what make us as human are different from a cow that we have an ability to choose (not like cow that has to eat grass every day)...

But.. i still think that a mother should try to breastfeed first, at least for a couple of weeks. then, the mother can simply choose to continue or not. colostrum in early-produced breastmilk is truly good for our children...

Happy breastfeeding! ^__^

Amanda - posted on 01/28/2009

Absolutely not! Pardon my language, but screw anyone that thinks they are a better mom for breastfeeding, or that you aren't as good of a mom. I did not breastfeed my first, but did my other two. Guess what??? My first is never sick and we are very very close. Don't you think that would throw a kink in all the studies?

Leslie - posted on 01/28/2009

some people think that they have the right to deciede what is best for other people. that does not mean that you have to agree with, or let them influence your desicions. "bad mother" is a term rarely used,but when it is, it is used by one who is obviously judgemental and that trait in itself is not beneficial to anyone, including children.

People can tell you that you made a bad desicion, but it is you that does not have to give it a second thought. your daughter has never been sick! thats amazing, you may want to get her a cold or something to build her immunity.

Nancy - posted on 01/28/2009

I feel like people will ALWAYS have something to say about how we choose to feed our children, even beyond BFing and formula. Right now, we have chosen to introduce solids to our daughter using BLW, and I have my sister on my back telling me that I'm not feeding her, that she's hungry, blah blah blah... I think everyone should just butt out of our business and stop judging how we choose to feed our children. For the rest of our lives, people will have to something to say about how and what our kids eat. Annoying!

Amy - posted on 01/28/2009

You are not a bad mom because you choose not to breastfeed. I am a mom of three children, and none of them were breastfed. It is a personal decision and everyone feels different about it. I think there are pros and cons for each, but you being the mom, you know what is best for your child or children. Take into consideration how hard it is for the father also when a mother breastfeeds. Yes, it is a bonding time and mothers and children grow very close from breastfeeding, but fathers also need bonding time. Breastfeeding is very time consuming if you are a working mom as well. There is a lot to consider, but like I said before it is a personal choice, there is no law saying you have to breastfeed and you shouldn't feel bad if you choose not too.

Rebecca - posted on 01/28/2009

let me start by saying that "if you are a bad mother, than so am I!"  When my son was born I wanted to breast feed for medical and financial reasons.  However after two weeks of crying and frustration on both our parts, we stopped, and he is none the worse off.  It also didn't help that I got a yeast infection in both breasts which if i wasn't carefull could lead to thrush.  He is almost 8 months now and is in the 75th percentile for height and and weight, and 90th percentile for head circumference.  This comming from a 6lb. flat bundle of joy.  I too felt guilty for not being able to breast feed, but the lactation consultants were very supportive.  And even though others may have judged me including my own mother, my hubby was right by my  side and that helped the most.  Hope this helps

Carissa - posted on 01/28/2009

You should not feel bad at all, it is a personal choice and of course whether you are a good mom or not does not depend on the method you use to give your child milk.  HOWEVER it does seem that  you do feel bad if you needed all these post to make you feel better about something you had already decided on. Just an observation. If giving your baby cows milk when your body was designed to give him breast milk is no issue for you, you should not have made it a debatable subject

Amy - posted on 01/28/2009

I hate to say that this is probably one of the littlest things that you will worry about people judging you. All mothers are different and we all can't agree on everything. This conversation could be had over so many different issues! Schooling, food, vaccincations, religion, etc.... Unfortunately this is a very judgemental society and I think you should just go with your instincts as a mother and who cares what others think.

Lyn - posted on 01/28/2009

Stop reading all the nefative stuff. Bonding with your baby is what is important in the long run. On the light side, when your baby turns into a teen and tells you everything you did/do wrong, I doubt failure to breastfeed will make the list. Just enjoy her.. (p.s. I was a labor/delivery nurse for years, gave this same sppech countless times)

Amelia - posted on 01/28/2009

My Mother did not breast feed myself nor my two sisters. Myself and my Sisters also chose not to Breastfead. The only common link between myself, my sisters and our children is our advanced development.

Lucy - posted on 01/28/2009

I am stunned by the number of women on here actively encouraging bottle feeding over breastfeeding.
Some girls say they had to return to school so breastfeeding was impossible, but this doesn't ring true. It IS possible to combination feed. Breast in the morning and evening, bottle during the day. Has no one told them this?
And for those women too 'shy' or 'modest' to breastfeed - you CAN do it in the privacy of your own bedroom where no one can see you! And if you're going round to someone else's house, then take a bottle. You can do both! It takes a bit of juggling, but that's what motherhood is all about.
As for having to 'whip it out in public', that's rubbish. You can express milk to give from a bottle, or do formula while you're out & just breastfeed at home.
It doesn't take a genius.
Chantel's comment: "breastmilk is superior to formula - that's just an opinion" is a bit worrying, given the decades of research and universally acknowledged findings! Shouldn't mothers do a bit of reading and make an informed choice?
I am not part of the pro-breasfeeding lobby, by the way - they are awful!
It just feels like a lot of young girls these days are encouraged to bottle feed without trying breastfeeding. For goodness sake, even a fortnight, or a month, of breast is better than nothing!

Carol - posted on 01/28/2009

I think I was a worse mum when I breastfed my first, only lasted 10 days, but I was tired all the time, irritable and did not bond at all, I actually resented the time I had to spend sitting there with him. Once I changed him to bottle and hubby or grandparents could take turns, I relaxed alot more and learned to enjoy the time I spent with him. My second, I did not breastfeed at all, regardless of the pressure from midwives and health visitors. Both my boys are amongst the healthiest children I know and are academically where they should be. However, I did sometimes envy the mums who were breastfeeding as they had no bottles to wash and sterilise and from what I could gather, the nightfeeds were alot easier as they didn't have to go downstairs to the kitchen and wait forthe milk to warm up before feeding their screaming baby! There are advantages and disadvantages to both methods and no-one should have the right to try and pressure any new mum into doing something they don't want, or can't do.

User - posted on 01/28/2009

Dear Chantel, Welcome to the world of "everyone knows best...but you." Of course you're not a bad mom for choosing not to breastfeed.

And by the way, this is not the first time you're going to be criticized for doing something that someone else didn't do or did differently. Be comfortable with your decisions and for any of the others who want to criticize, they go on the "None Ya" list.

The most important lesson of motherhood: Be comfortable with yourself and your decisions. Your children will be happy and it doesn't matter what other people think.

Jenna - posted on 01/28/2009

Has this thread gotten out of control or what?! LOL! I personally chose to breastfed. My son is 16 weeks old and was full term. He has an extreme overbite that wasn't diagnosed until he was 10 weeks old.  I suffered for 10 weeks through pain, bleeding, blisters, blocked ducts. Most of those ten weeks my pump was my best friend.  My nipple looked like it was going to fall off. I cried at every fed due to frustration and pain. I contemplated formula many times. In some ways I felt like I wasn't mentally all there especially the first couple weeks of his life due to being miserable because of breastfeeding.I also had a rough delivery which added to being miserable!

My story having been said....I should hope anyone that is expecting or trying to conceive to educate themselves on the benefits of breastfeeding versus formula. I do think everyone should at least try it before knocking it! I do know that there are some cases where bfing is not possible, and sometimes pumping isn't an option either. But at least in my life there are way too many mothers that don't even try past the first day or couple days. Alot of people really do not seem to educate themselves on breastfeeding and how to make it successful.

I am a very modest person. I use a bfing poncho anywhere that I need to bf outside the home. And I hate bfing in public at all if I don't have to. I try to time feeds right versus outings.

I'm  extremely stubborn, many probably wouldn't have gone as far as I did to breastfed. Or so I've been told. I just have to learn to deal with latching my son "differently" due to his overbite.

To get back to really responding to the intial thread....each to his own really. I may not agree with your decision. But it's not mine to make. As you or any other mother may not agree with decisions that I make as a mother.

Take care and best wishes to you and your family

Heidi - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Lacey:

Im having a hard time deciding what to do... bottle or breast feed?! I dont like the guilt that people throw your way for wanting to bottle feed. Is it really going to be that horrible for my child to be fed from a bottle instead of my breast? I think thats what makes my decision so hard.... I will take any advice I can get!!!

I breastfed my 3 boys.  There are many great reasons for this.  Guilt however, is not one of them. One reason, I'm lazy, getting a bottle in the middle of the night, waiting while it warms, the baby waking up more and more during this process, then by the time you have the bottle ready, the baby is fully awake.  Now you end up losing more sleep.  Just one perk to nursing your hungry, but sleepy baby.  I'd pull them in with me and go to sleep.  Some people can't do that, but still, the feeding takes less time than a bottle.  This is of course usually after the learning period.  Breastfeeding wasn't as natural as I espected.  We had to work at it initially. But it was well worth the effort. 

Like Chantel said, it can be 'uncomfortable' for different people, for different reasons.  The first time I nursed was wierd, surreal.  I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but when I started doing it, it felt naked, for lack of better description.  I got over the weirdness after a couple of times and it became a function. 

Bonding.  Of course breastfeeding helps with bonding.  Is it the mothering hormone prolactin you get while breastfeeding, sure, partly.  But being physically close to your baby creates bonding also.  I do think it  may help bonding go faster, but we're not getting rid of these babies any time soon, so I wouldn't worry much about that.  If you do bottlefeed, there are some things to think about so you get the most out of it you can.

When you breastfeed, you hold your baby, look down and gaze at their eyes, touch them.  You have to stop what you are doing and focus on the baby.  When you bottle feed, other people can do this for you.  You miss some of that one-on-one bonding you would have gotten otherwise.  Also, bottles get propped on pillows out of convenience.  That is both unsafe, and both you and the baby are missing an opportunity that fades so quickly.  They are little for such a short time, then they begin to run off and play.  They go to school.  It feels like a long time, inconvenient even sometimes, but it is fleeting. 

Best of luck making your desision.  Asking about it means you care and are going to make the best choice you know how.  I love the Baby Book by Dr. Sears.  An encyclopedia style book for most anything the first 2 years, indexed in the back.  Listen to your gut, your heart.  Don't violate that and you will do well.

Tara - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Rebekah:

I keep feeling the need to say something, because of people belittling breastfeeding.... so I apologise in advance for anything I say that comes across as offensive to ANYONE for any REASON....
Stop saying things, like "big whoop" and "breast nazis" when it comes to women who are passionate about breastfeeding... PLEASE!!! For a start...
Chantel, I humbly apologise for asking you if you felt guilty about not 'choosing' to breastfeed... I am curious, however, why you would start a conversation about choosing not to breastfeed, when you attempted to in the first place? There are so many women that have commented, that NEVER attempted it, just simply chose not to... but you must have thought it might have been a good idea if you attempted to.... I have not posted anything to attack bottlefeeding mothers or tell them they are bad mothers for not breastfeeding or tried to assume I know everything about their personal situations... WHATSOEVER!!! But some of the comments about breastfeeding are not just completely wrong, but they have offended me quite personally, because I tried SO hard to breastfeed ALL my children and sacrificed SO much to do so... and there are women saying things like "it's fine for women who have nothing better to do with their time" and the thing that really makes me feel terrible, is some women are even throwing around completely inaccurate information about bottlemilk being as good as or even better than breastmilk!!!???!!! Every woman who knows anything at all about breastmilk, knows that no matter what pollutions that are in the air we breathe, or how non-nutritious the food we ingest or even the water we drink... our milk ducts function so as only the best stuff is what our child gets.... and whether it be a trickle or a gushing of milk, that is what our baby needs... whether we are told our child isn't getting enough or not, putting on enough weight or not.... (of course there are some cases where there are other factors involved) that is what our baby needs.
Whilst I DO NOT, WHATSOEVER... write this to offend anyone who has chosen not to breastfeed or cannot for any reason... these are scientific facts that cannot be altered to make bottlefeeding 'measure up' to breastfeeding, like some mothers have attempted to state. Again I say, that this is not meant to make you feel bad or to say you are a bad mother for not breastfeeding, but don't make breastfeeding out to be some big joke... for heaven's sake!!!

I understand that the term "breastfeeding nazis" can be offensive.  Please understand that when a breastfeeding consultant or lactation consultant pushes breastfeeding TO THE EXCLUSION of all else, even if your child is not thriving, it can be a very frustrating and upsetting experience, and it makes you feel as though you must label this person SOMETHING to get rid of your frustration.

When I was in the hospital with my daughter, I tried breastfeeding. It took my daughter losing over a pound and becoming dehydrated and feverish before I was told that I could try to supplement her with formula.  I had asked if I could pump, or use the harness-type gravity-fed supplementation system, and was told that it was breastfeeding or nothing.  It took my daughter getting sick to be given an alternative.

Even at that, when I went home with her, I was given a feeding syringe and feeding tube, and no plan on how I was going to get my daughter latched on, tape the feeding tube to my breast, and depress the syringe to supplement, all without losing the latch.  I was told to pump after every feed, was put on a drug normally used to treat heart patients to help me lactate, told to let her scream with hunger until she was "ready" to latch, etc.  All the while I had a uterine infection, anemia and an unhappy baby.

When I reluctantly made the decision to no longer breastfeed when my daughter was almost 3 months old (I was only getting 1 1/2 - 2 oz for an hour worth of pumping, and was having to supplement heavily with formula to keep up with her demand) I was contacted by the lactation consultant daily for almost a month trying to get me to change my mind and telling me that I was making a poor decision.

I chose to switch to strictly formula and bottle-feeding for my daughter's health and my sanity, and I feel that anyone who pushes one choice over another, regardless of what the circumstances are, is not someone who has your child's health or your health in mind.

p.s. I've just found out I'm expecting my second child (my daughter is 10 months now), and I intend to get myself a good pump and bottle-feed my next child using the pumped breast milk and supplementing with formula as needed.

Eupholia - posted on 01/28/2009

I have to agree with you. I couldnt breastfeed but for 2 weeks and my daughter is a fine healthy pre-schooler

Stephanie - posted on 01/28/2009

You're her mum - what you decide is best for you, is best for her



I have 2 kids, one 18, one 9!!!! I breast-fed the eldest for 2 weeks (due to pressure from the midwife - I was one of only 2 mothers still breastfeeding when I left hospital - out of around 30 mums!) but due to a thrush infection which my baby got at birth, and transferred to my boobs, I didn't continue - the pain, and the tears (mine) were too much, and I changed to bottle feeding (although all the health care professionals, bar my own doctor, made me feel bad about it).



With the 2nd one I didn't even consider breast-feeding, I'd done my bit for guilt. And actually my youngest, who's never even had a sniff of breast milk is far healthier than his brother, who had!



You get to make the decisions - and you shouldn't breast-feed purely out of guilt, or you'll resent the child!



Your daughter looks a beautiful, happy child - you're a great mum!

Rebekah - posted on 01/27/2009

sleep does not BOOST the immune system, it sustains it. The word boost, funnily enough, gives the impression that, overnight, your immune system is much better than when you went to sleep. Some examples of things that boost our immune systems are.... actually getting sick and overcoming it and also foreign bacteria entering our body that does not, in fact, MAKE us sick... sleep IS important to mother and baby alike, no doubt about it... and if we don't sleep ENOUGH our immune system does not function at it's optimal level.... making it easier for us to get sick. Sleeps main function, especially when we are babies.... is to GROW, or am I an uneducated bogan?
I'm sure there are plenty of people who think so, but quite frankly.... I don't care.
I am a 27 yo single mum of three kids and live my life for my kids.... they are my world... and although I am young and not married, have a partner or didn't even finish high school... I did what I could for my kids on my own, from the start... I am no less of a good mum for not putting myself first. I never saw it as a choice as I was growing up... that is what all the mums in my life did, they breastfed.... so that's what I did.
I wanted to add also and I think this may shine a different perspective on my attitude for SOME people....
My youngest was very sick (close to death, actually) at the end of '07 and I was encouraged to offer her composite feeds with formula. This was devistating for me! I was beside myself, to say the very least.... so I researched until I could not see straight and I came across a link for goatsmilk formula.... I purchased (both organic) goatsmilk formula and run-of-the-mill cowsmilk formula.... my daughter was home within 6 weeks of being admitted (which was SUCH a shock to all medical professionals involved, believe me!) and I continued to express, demand breastfeed and tried my hardest to encourage her to bottlefeed to get her strength and weight up, to help with her recovery at home.... but no matter what time of day or night before OR after a breastfeed I tried to offer it to her, she simply wouldn't take it... and if she swallowed any of it, she would bring it up.... Even though I wasn't comfortable doing it, I DID try, because I did want what was best for her... but she wouldn't have a bar of it! I tried to add it to her cereal, her mash, her breastmilk... i tried for months to try to incorperate it into her diet, SOMEHOW.... but in the end I gave up on trying to force something on my baby, that she clearly did NOT want.... she was baby that knew what she wanted and in some ways it would probably have been easier for me to bottlefeed... but I listened to my child as I know that every mother does in any different situation.
Just more of my story, to give people a bit of my experience, as stupid and pathetic as some seem to deem it.... I still need to share it....

Malerie - posted on 01/27/2009

I have 3 kids. My eldest was 10 and a half pound which is 4.8kgs. He wouldnt attach so he had a bottle at two hours old. The nurse told me because he was so big and hungry he wanted his food fast and not to work for it. I didnt bother trying the breast with him again. My second son was the exact same weight and he breastfed for 10 days then I completly ran out of milk. I had to switch him to formula straight up without weaning and had alot of trouble. When my daughter came along I was in the hospital with formula and a bottle ready and waiting. I didnt want the trouble I had with the second. I am very lucky that I didnt get any pressure at all. Even the hospital was really good. When I was pregnant with my first baby I went to a parenting class and was told when people are walking down the street you cant tell if they have been bottle fed or breastfed so just do what you are comfortable with and everyone else can just accept it or shut up.