I am SO glad it's not just me

Kristi - posted on 02/20/2013

Well Miss Emily, we are two peas in a pod. My mother insists Spence is her son and my little brother and I insist I am Mrs. Derek Morgan! Lol I was so mad when they killed off Spence's girlfriend this season! I actually got tears in my eyes because I felt so bad for him!

Anyhoo...back on topic, I'm sorry about your added stress. Some parents/teachers/people just don't get it and they judge without knowing the whole story. They are afraid of what they don't know or don't understand. My dad, to this day, doesn't understand why I can't just snap out of it. Everybody has problems and they still function. Who the hell mutilates their own body? Just get over it already.

My daughter and former stepson are good kids, they would argue like normal siblings and whatnot. But, I guess I was too harsh, yelled too much. I didn't do enough for them. I wasn't engaging enough, etc. What they failed to realize was it was a major accomplishment for me to get dressed.

I can't tell you how many times I've been hospitalized over the years. Too much time has passed to remember them all and I stopped keeping tracking after awhile. I had to have multiple rounds of ECT's. 20 years ago you didn't recover in a couple of hours like you do today.

Ok, so enough of my drama. Your last comment was just like right on to so many of the things I've experienced. My best advice is to keep reminding yourself that you are a good mom. You are doing everything you can to help your daughter. As long as you do your best everyday, then screw what other people think. Sooo much easier said than done, I know.

For right now, try to stay in the moment. Focus only on what is happening right now. If you're giving your daughter a bath, that's all your thinking about. I need to wash her. Mmmm, i love the smell of her shampoo. She is so funny when she blows bubbles when I wash her face, etc. Does that make sense? It is bath time and that is where your attention belongs, it doesn't belong presuming and worrying about what your mother will say or do.

Another suggestion, you know that is how your mother is. You can calmly try to educate her but in the end you cannot change her. Try to just accept that. It is what it is. I don't have control over it so I'm going to let it go. In this case, ok mom, I understand why you might think that and I'm done trying to change your mind. Set yourself free. You know what you're doing. Someday your daughter will understand it all, too. Hold on to that.

Emily - posted on 02/20/2013

Lacye,
You're SO right. We leave to visit my parents tomorrow- she is in for a BIG surprise. My mother has mild OCD, believes she can fix and control everything, and never lets anyone do what she can "obviously" do better. She's better now that she takes meds, but this little girl is going to throw her for a loop!

Lacye - posted on 02/20/2013

Emily, I can understand the mother thinking it's your fault the child acts that way thing! My mother thought that my daughter was just acting up and that she's not really autistic and that the doctors were all wrong. At least she did until after she spent two weeks with the child! I had to be with my son in the children's hospital a couple hours away from our home town and my mother volunteered to watch my daughter for me while I was gone. She called me a couple days later and asked me how in the world did I keep up with my child. LOL They just don't understand because they are not the ones that has to be around it ALL the time.

Emily - posted on 02/20/2013

Kristi,
You are too funny. No, it's not my name- TOTAL Criminal Minds freak LOL. I had never heard that about snoring- very interesting. She does snore, and my husband has SEVERE sleep apnea. He's hyper and anxious all the time. I agree with you about diagnosing her so young- it's a guess at best and it devastates me to think of the possibility. Between age 17 and 24, I was hospitalized over 20 times. If it weren't for Lithium, I'd be dead. The thought of her having to live a life like mine makes me physically sick.
We are flying to Houston tommorrow to see my parents. My mom acts like the behavior is my poor parenting. I have done EVERYTHING, set clear and consistent boundaries, taken her to specialists, EVERYTHING. but it MUST be my parenting because my mom says she never had this problem. Of course, until our teen years, my brother and I were perfectly compliant, polite, straight A students who never gave our parents a moments trouble. She has no idea what it's like to raise a "spirited" child. I think my stress level is up about this more because of this trip than anything else. Ugh.

Kristi - posted on 02/20/2013

Hi Emily--

Ok, I have to ask...is Emily Prentiss your real name or are you a Criminal Minds fan? If it is your real name, I apologize for asking because you probably get comments about that all the time. ; )

Let me re-reassure you that you're not the only one. I have been plagued with mental illness since I was about 15. I presented with a panic disorder and cutting, then severe depression by my early 20's I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and then in my late 30's with Bipolar. I TOTALLY relate to the fear of passing this on to my children. The thought of my daughter feeling for one day, the way I've felt for most of my life kills me inside. But like you said, we will recognize the warning signs and have the capacity to understand and empathize with their thought processes and behaviors better than anyone.

I can't believe that a credible dr would suggest that a 2 1/2 would already be bipolar or have ADHD. That's insane! Just out of curiousity does she snore? I saw a special about kids being diagnosed with ADHD and ODD and being medicated but with no effect. Everybody (parents, teachers, drs) were frustrated, tired and fed up. I can't remember how the couple from this special got hooked up with the sleep specialist but anyways, this kid was just out of control. He was around 8, I think. His parents had tried behavioral therapy, medication, diet, etc and nothing really worked.

Then they got involved with this sleep specialists and the boy spent the night at sleep study facility. They hooked up about a million little electrodes (those cold, circle shaped metal things they stick to you) to him to monitor all his sesnsory activity through the night. Like his heart rate, brain waves, how often he moved, etc...to see how much sleep he was actually getting. It turned out that he was snoring so much he could not reach and/or stay in the REM cycle long enough to get an effective amount of sleep. They said that removing his tonsils would solve his problem. The parents talked about it and decided to go ahead with the surgery and once his throat healed and everything was back to normal, wouldn't ya know it...the kid stopped snoring, slept soundly and began behaving and functioning in an appropriate 8 y/o manner. His grades improved, his social skills and listening abilities were stronger. It was really incredible.

Of course, if your little one doesn't snore this was an absolute waste of your time. Even if she does snore, it may not be the right answer but at least it would be another avenue to explore. I wish you ladies the very best! xo

Emily - posted on 02/19/2013

Thanks Lacye,
Your post made me feel better. It occured to me that I canlook at this another way. As much as I don't want to pathologize my child, if she DID ultimately end up bipolar, I'm the best parent she could possibly have. I know the warning signs, I understand the disease, and I can help her get through it better than anyone because I've been there myself. But for the time being, I will continue positive parenting and low sugar diet and pray that time calms her. -Emily

Lacye - posted on 02/19/2013

Just because you are bipolar, doesn't mean your daughter will too. You just have to keep in mind that medicine is not an exact science. There is a LOT of guessing that goes along with it. Don't stress yourself out about it. Even if she does have bipolar, that still doesn't mean it is your fault. It's not something you gave to her, like a cold. It's genetics. It is the luck of the draw.