I can't get my almost 4 year old to fall asleep by himself. Made the mistake by sleeping with him, 1 year ago. HELP

Shannon - posted on 03/17/2009

start a reward system. also use night lights, music, and be firm in what you say.  Tell him that mom and dad sleep together and he sleeps w/ x y z... a bed routine of hugs kisses and a good story are ways to get him to be confident that the next day will be the same. you are the parent. he has no control over you if you allow him to keep you sleepin gw/ him then you are allowing him to control the situation.  the reward system, and a bed time routine will assure him that the next day will always be the saem and sleeping alone is what he has to do.

Amy - posted on 03/17/2009

Quoting Veronica:

I can't get my almost 4 year old to fall asleep by himself. Made the mistake by sleeping with him, 1 year ago. HELP

I took his pacifier away last MArch and he was upset so i slept with him for about a week, mistake. I'm still sleepng with him to fall asleep. My husband is not very happy sleeping by himself. It's wearing on me too.

I'm sorry I can't give any advice because I'm in the same situation, I just wanted to let you know I  understand how you feel.  Just this morning my husband and I had an arguement about this same subject.  Glad to know that I'm not alone!   I looks like the other Moms on this page have some good advice.....

Aida - posted on 03/16/2009

Hello, my name is Aida. My daughter just turned 4 and I had to go through the same thing. I am a single mother and I kept her in my bed the whole time. Later I found out that she was attached and I needed my space. I saw a show and the doctor was saying that the child needs to sleep in their own bed for their own rest. It is not doing the child any good by staying with you whatsoever. I think that's when I became determined and did it. You have to be convinced yourself and follow through no matter what. If you're not ready it'll never happen.

Step one - be consistent. You explain the child that now it's time for them to be in their own bed. You might want to reward them with whatever you think will make them happy. At first they might not accept anything. You have to be fine with it. They are going to cry, but you insist and don't back down. As a mother it WILL be hard but they will stop crying at some point.... even if it's hours. You have to stick with the rules. It will take at least 3 long nights..... but after that they will learn and they will be happy to be in their bed.

My daughter loves her room and I'm very happy with the results. IT WAS HARD, it broke my heart to hear her cry and beg.... but it all was for the best.

If YOU are ready... that's when it's time to do it. You have to be strong and consistent.

Stevie - posted on 03/16/2009

well how did you get him to sleep the first time i always recomend the freber method of 5 min intervals you put the baby to his  bed and leave then in 5 min if he is crying go up and calm him down then leave and then go back in 10 min go and calm down then go back in 15 min (only if they are crying) and calm down and that goes for the night then the next night start at 10 min and not 5 and then the night after 15 an not 10 and so on normally it will take anywhere from a few days to a week or so but since  your son is older than most im not sure how long it would say i would think it wouldnt take to long but maybe that means it will take longer i hope it works for you oh dont pick him up just tell him shhh its ok pat him on his tummy or something or give him a soft kiss and as far as the paci dont feel to bad about it and dont give in he has fingers and thums and keep with your routine

Emily - posted on 03/16/2009

I think you should start out slowly. Either put him in the bed, and sleep on the floor for a night, or put him to bed, stay with him until he falls asleep and then sneak out. Tell him that mommies are supposed to sleep in mommy beds.

Patti - posted on 03/16/2009

My advice is just put him in his own bed. Tell him he can play very quietly if he is not tired. But dont go in there any more. He replaced the security of his pacifier with you.  By sleeping with him still its getting worse. It will be REALLY hard for a while but it will get better. Good luck!