I caught my ten year old watching porn.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/07/2011

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Hmm/...think it is time for the sex talk. Obviously talk very frankly about what she saw. I would not even try to really address that specifically. But have you talked about puberty and sex already? If not, get on it! Also, no access to comp unless in it a community room. You may have to put on some heavy duty parental controls.

You may want to consider talking about masturbation also.

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Have a sex talk. Get an age appropriate book about anatomy. The one I got for my kids is called "Boys, Girls & Body Science: A First Book about Facts of Life" by Meg Hickling, Kim La Fave. I thought it was very age appropriate for a 8-10 year old.

Talk about your personal beliefs about sex and how what she saw wasn't realistic. Encourage questions. Don't be afraid to talk to her, it will make her uncomfortable, be open and honest. I have a sex talk with each of my kids when they turn 8. We talk about how sexual relationships are so special because that’s how you create families and babies. We talk about how sex isn’t bad, but timing is important. And how sex is really a huge responsibility. What could happen if you have sex, and what are the consequences. We talk about pornography and how those are actors and what they are doing doesn’t really portray what sex really is. If she gets her answers from you, she won’t have to seek them in other places. My kids haven't been afraid to come to my husband and I with their questions, and it’s easy to bring it up when we see something in a movie or on TV we can just talk about it frankly and discuss it together.

Also, keep the computer in the main room of the house. Ours in on a desk in the kitchen, and we don't have laptops. Too portable, I want the computer to be a pain to move. Good Luck I’m sure you’ll do fine.

JuLeah - posted on 09/07/2011

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You make a fine point: Never!!!! allow unsupervised access to the net



Computers are in public places with someone always watching ... so, in the kitchen maybe, or the living room



I'd say she did this for the same reason I picked up and looked through my father's play boy he believed were well hidden - cause it is what kids do



But, no one on the pages I was looking at had the ability to talk back to me, or communicate with me as they do on the net



So, have open honest conversation with her - get her better pictures to look at from the library - human body - changes as we grow ... that is what she is looking for I am sure ...

Kathryn - posted on 09/08/2011

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I have an slightly different angle.... the insane amount of sexualization of girls and women. This problem is far beyond porn. Girls are taught more than ever they should dress sexy and do sexual things to be liked. It's amazing the things boys expect girls to do at a very young age. Girls are learning the more the more they show and the more they give the more attention they will get. But from who? Not the boys or young men we want them to be with. No wonder these young girls have such insecurities and the media supports it all over the place. Let's hope your daughter didn't get the idea from boys. And pray to God she wasn't watching to get ideas for what she should do or learn to do with boys to be "liked". It's terribly sad the false messages our society is telling young women and they are paying a huge price as they enter adolescence and adulthood. Girls should be taught they are VALUABLE and their bodies and sexuality are a precious GIFT. Virginity is somethiong you can only give once so protect it! Attention and confidence should come from other things...academics, sports, music, art, serving a good cause, etc.. Last but not least...over 55% of porn is created by women and children forced to do it. Human Trafficing is alive and well....

Angela - posted on 09/07/2011

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I have 5 boys at home and I monitor everything they do on the internet, phone and etc but I caught my 11yr old looking at stuff on YouTube with his friends and they were on his friends phone. I was upset with him and I explained to him that its wasnt right for a kid to see things like that but kids minds are so curious and we as parents can't was stop them from seeing those things or looking it up cause the are kids entering puberty. All we can do is monitor the best we can and explain things to them the right way and before their friends explain it to them the wrong way. We are not perfect and things happen so just take a step back, take a deep breath and open your mind and remember you were a kid once too and then talk... :)

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Tia - posted on 09/10/2011

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Curiosity is a huge thing in the minds of our children, the more we can protect them the better. I would also see if she was molested. I really hope this is not the case, but I feel I should share it with you. When I was 8 years I was molested & I acted out in some ways that I don't think I would of. (if not taken down this way in the first place.) Just make sure she knows it isn't her fault. That we are suppose to have these kinds of pleasures, just not in that way. She will need your LOVE & help. I pray that you both have the strength to get threw.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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Oh, and you need to go to the bottom of your settings and I think it says leave the community in order to completely leave. It says something like that.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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Can a mod or you please lock this thread? The OP has gotten her answers, and has left the community.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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No it won't delete them. You are not alone, I have been brought to tears on occasion. I am sorry your feelings got so hurt. I hope the few of us that tried to show honest support can shine through when you think back to CoM. I hope the rest of the comments that hurt your feelings do not continue to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

Michele - posted on 09/10/2011

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I think I would sit him down and give him the speech. They teach this stuff in schools so early because of all the outside areas where they can learn it in a non-educational atmosphere. If need be there are groups in schools and community groups that could possibly help you deal with this. I am lucky to have such a great church and I am able to seek other groups to help with the issues I have with my own children and friend's children. Michele

[deleted account]

Not at all nice when its someones parenting skills that are under debate though. maybe I shouldnt have ben so open in my question. I see your some what of a cicle of mums pro so maybe it has helped you and you can see beyond the negativity. unfortunatly for me I wear my heart on my sleave so Im guessing this doesnt work well here. Im sure this site works for alot of people. Im just genuinely hurt by it all. I actually cried after reading one comment !!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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If you feel that you no longer want to hear from anyone on this site pertaining to this discussion, I don't know if you know this already, but you can lock the thread.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/10/2011

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Steph, don't feel like that :( Many moms on here have given you a lot of support, and I hope you have gotten some advice you can apply to your situation. I really hope that you continue on this site. It can be a huge support, and yes sometimes you need to weed through the negativity. Many times, a topic like this simply turns into a debate....not unusual.

You are not naive, you are a parent going through an important dilemma looking for support, help and advice. No doubt, it is a hard job being a parent. New things come up all the time, and it is nice to bounce ideas off of other mothers.

[deleted account]

I cant believe how awful some people can make me feel ! dont think I'll be posting anything again ! Ive felt like such a terrible parent after reading some of these comments =( maybe I should send my children to the parents on here that seem to think their masters at it !! I had my daughter at 19 and its been a massive learning curve ever since. I apologise for my naivety in this matter but seriously do you wake up and think I feel the need to make someone feel like dirt today !! hope it made you feel better because it worked. Think I better hand the kids into social services because according to some of these comments you seem to think Im an unfit mother.

So sorry to all the genuinly nice encouraging polite people on here. but Id be careful about asking for help, be prepared to feel like your going through the mill =(

Sal - posted on 09/10/2011

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firstly when my son was that age it was a compter/internet in the family room only as it quells curiosity some what if mum might look over his shoulder, also when he was researching something i helped him because you just don't know when porn will pop up even with the most inocent search (human eyes got some pretty extream results i seem to remember) don't be too harsh ahd ott with your reaction as it will make it more forbidden and tempting, but like others have said tell her it is not real, the boobs are fake, the sex is unrealistic it isn't love it is a movie, actors, not real

SaraJane - posted on 09/10/2011

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I am not one to judge, parent your kids whoever you see fit. Hopefully we all do something right. But, in my opinion sheltering your kids is not the absolute best way to go, maybe you live in a small town with a piggly wiggly and the local drive in, but out in the real world it is no longer 1950 and the better kids are equipt (in my opinion) the better. Good luck Sherri Champange with mother hood, i honestly wish you all the luck in creating healthy we developed adults out of your children but just remeber one day they are going to leave the middle of nowhere and join the rest of us.

Kim - posted on 09/10/2011

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I think you must communicate and find the source! Even you change passwords she can always go to a friend/family members house and gain access to those sites. You can't be around her 24/7. COMMUNICATION is key!

Spring - posted on 09/10/2011

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She may have gotten there by accident while attempting to look up something entirely innocent. The adult websites set themselves up like that on purpose so that even if that isn't what you are looking for you will find it. Set up some parental controls on the computer and talk to her about what she was watching. She's probably not entirely sure what to think about it and could use a talk with her mom to help her clarify a few things. Try not to overreact as this may garner the opposite reaction from her than what you may be going for.

Carrie - posted on 09/10/2011

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you just poltely take the laptop and then explain the effects and tell him he is not grown up enough and when he gets older you will explain everything

[deleted account]

OH so what if a ten year old has a laptop....And porn is not unhealthy wrong or evil. It is however wrong for her because she is too young to be watching it. I never had this issue because my daughter is only 2. I do know that once a child hits a certain age they become interested in sex and want to learn about it. I would explain why she shouldn't be watching it, its for adults to see not children and it could give her the wrong impression about what sex actually is. Teach her about sex and morals. Also, install some parental controls and all that jazz.

Kara - posted on 09/09/2011

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As always people are attacking a woman that is just posting a question/concern NOT asking to be bashed. Kids shouldn't have access to a laptop? The internet is a tool that can teach and has wealth of information. Ten year olds have homework. I have done searches for things regarding pregnancy and breastfeeding and an adult site has come up. Set up some parental controls on the computer and talk to her about it. I can't imagine how shocking that would be.

Michele - posted on 09/09/2011

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I would tell your daughter that porn is unhealthy-even though the men/women are both consenting to be involved in this-it is unhealthy for different reasons: it is not about love and intimacy but sexual gratification, it is disrespectful to a woman to be used in such a manner (lets face it--its to turn people on not to demonstrate the love between husband and wife), it can promote promiscuity and from reports I have read it can start off mild but needing to grow more explicit to get aroused and can quite easily become a obsession. Also, it can lead some to even worse things (child pornography).
My son is 15 and he is allowed to use the computer but within our viewing. He knows anything inappropriate will mean termination of the privelege of using the computer except for school projects. We have strived to teach him to respect himself and girls/women.
You can check the history on your computer to see if this was a first time occurrence or something that she has done before.
A relative of mine discovered her son (same age as my son) exchanging pictures of himself with his g/f....She immediately took his laptop away from him as well as his IPhone. She also explained to him that at their ages it would be looked upon as child porn and could result in some pretty serious stuff going down. Then she had the laptop cleaned out and a program installed to block porn.
Curiosity is natural but there are many good books out there to talk to your children. My son was 5 when we started talking--body parts (real names, not nicknames-a penis is a penis just as an arm is an arm). When he asked a question I answered him honestly with age appropriate language and explanations. We can talk very openly now without embarrasement-can't say the same for his father though...lol.
Good luck.

Dee - posted on 09/09/2011

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It is time to have a factual discussion. Technology has made it easier for our children to view images they are not ready to see or comprehend. Do not over react. Just state the facts and why it is off limits to see those sites. They are curious at this age. However, we know what's best for them and porn is not. Be strong and know this does happen.

Daniella - posted on 09/09/2011

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You restrict the sites for one, and two what is a 10 yr old doing with her own laptop??

Vivian - posted on 09/09/2011

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We caught our daughter looking at porn, only because she put in the word girls games, not sure how that video of girls undressing came up but we put a stop to it by limiting her access to only games that are recommended by her teacher/school. Go to tools, Internet options, privacy, settings and add allowed sites. You will also have to password protect any other sites. You might want to have a talk about how important it is and the dangers of the Internet world. Safety comes first. By the way we did talk to our daughter.

Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2011

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If she is choosing to do this, one would imagine that she is a highly visual child since it is a visual person to whom this would appeal. I would be primarily concerned that she is not mortified by what she's seeing! I saw such smut for the first time when I was a young adult, and it repulsed me. I would be asking first of myself "Is there someone in her life influencing her toward this", then I would explore what is going on with her by asking her some direct questions. I would want to know what her ideas about sex were, and where is she is getting them from. At 9 years of age, your darling daughter ought to be too innocent to want to watch porn.

Jen - posted on 09/09/2011

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I would say it is definitely time to have "the talk" if you haven't already. If you have, you need to talk more, and in more detail. Being 10, she may be starting to feel sexual in some ways, and in today's world, she needs all the correct info she can get. If you don't talk to her and be open with her, someone else will. And respectfully, in my opinion, maybe she should not have free reign of a computer with out parental supervision any more. It is pretty easy to stumble upon some pretty crazy things on the internet, and obviously she has been exposed to things she probably shouldn't be seeing, at least in that manner. Just my opinion. Please no offense, you are doing right by trying to find answers

Sherri - posted on 09/09/2011

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Reread Joan I didn't say they weren't out of my site besides school. I said they weren't without an adults supervision as is everyone of kids friends as well. They can play outside but I am still home but there is no way to get anywhere here without driving. Nothing is within walking distance not even friends. They aren't allowed at anyones home unless they are driven or picked up and there parents are home. But that is every parent's rules and they are only allowed that time on weekends never during the week. As they have school don't get home till 4pm. They have homework dinner and bed by 9pm.

Rhonda - posted on 09/09/2011

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Ask your child to explain their decision of watching this, curiosity? Ten is a little young...sex is hard to talk to a child that age, ask her if she has questions? I would pull the computer for a month and ban any more sites-some computers can do that. Good luck.

Jane - posted on 09/09/2011

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i feel that like some others on here to put a perental lock on the computer you have had the sex talk to her but also to the other person that was on here that was looking down your nose at this saying apart from when your kids are in school they are not out of your site all i can say is that i feel very sorry for them to live in such a suffocating controling enviroment that you put them in

Sherri - posted on 09/09/2011

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@SJ my kids know everything about sex. No they don't know what porn is and have no reason to at there ages. That is not something kids knowingly know about around our area. I not oblivious I am with my kids 24/7 other than the time they are at school and my kids are NEVER without adult supervision so I am pretty sure I know my kids better than you. They have no interest in dating, girls or sex as of yet. However, neither is any of there friends we live in a small town where myself and all the other parents work to keep our children kids a lot longer then in many other places. There is not very many outside influences. Heck most of my 14yr olds friends don't have cell phones yet and a few of them don't even have internet in their homes.



and just an FYI we have never in the history of our schools ever had a pregnant teen.



Also 10yr olds shouldn't have access to laptops, IPhones, or IPads. Heck my 14yr old just got a phone yes at 14. It has NO internet access, my 13yr old NO cell phone at all. My kids don't own IPads and won't be. My kids don't own laptops and won't be till college. We have a family computer set up in our livingroom where they can be monitored on every site they ever go on, like it should be.

Marilyn - posted on 09/09/2011

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put a parental lock on hers we did ours and they can't reach web sites that are not age appropriate it has helped us to feel safer with them using the computer

Fahd - posted on 09/09/2011

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I agree with Rebekah, Robin, Laura. There's nothing in this world that happens that someone else haven't experience before. I've a 9 years+ daughter as well so i understand where you are coming from. I'll tell you to open up more with her about what the world is about and your own expectations from her and that you trust her. This way, it'll be hard for her to cross boundaries. Also, restrict her browsing & check frequently on sites that she visits. Good luck & God will grant u wisdom in your decisions.

Jasmine - posted on 09/09/2011

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What you have seen is probably not the worst of what she has been watching or doing. I would ask some questions about what and why she was doing what she was doing on line. When I gave my 12 year old step daughter a net book for Christmas, I loaded Web Watchers on it, just to be safe. When I checked a month later. I was expecting to see some stupid u tube videos and endless jabber between tween girls on AIM. What I found was violent porn, trolling for men posing as a 15 year old and cyber sex. And getting hit on by 42 year old men. Computer was taken away. And not having wifi will not stop them from using others wifi. Software is the only way to really keep them safe or not let them online. Kids can get around parental controls so that why I suggest something you can see what they are doing, if you are going to venture into letting your kids on line. I am going to keep my kids off line as long as I can. It is not worth the risk.

Claudia - posted on 09/09/2011

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I also forgot to remind you that be aware of her friends house. Some parents let theyer children watch movies and/or play video games with ratings that you may not allow. Check with her friends parents what they are going to watch and play before any play date, or night over. Be specific about what she is not allowed to watch and play, and if you notice that the parent does not agree with you, just don't allow her to go, and have the play date at your home where you know what they are doing. My cousin let her child 7 year old to a play date and he watched a horror movie over there, what caused him to have nightmares....

Rebekah - posted on 09/09/2011

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Greetings to Steph and her husband.. The best thing you can do is not freak out with her about this. Have an open and honest discussion about sex and relationships with her. She is obviously curious and likely already hearing about something on the subject from friends, since sex is so overexposed in programming and advertising. Banning her computer access is not the solution, kids need to have a level of trust from their parents in order to give that trust back. If you are open and honest with her in this discussion and answer her questions, you will set up a relationship with her that she feels comfortable coming to you with issues that will come as she grows in her teens and adult years. Good luck and god bless. To those of you passing judgement and acting so pious; you should be ashamed of yourselves. We should all support and nurture each other, and not give such judgmental and knee jerk reactions.

Merry - posted on 09/09/2011

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That means she is curious and you haven't told her the answers to all her questions. Talk to her, answer her questions, het her informed the right way, she's looking for answers, and she should be getting them from you not from the Internet.
Talk to her about sex! Give her the info she desires so she's not tempted to search online.

Tammy - posted on 09/09/2011

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well, i caught my 11 year old boy doing it and taking pictures with his dsi of his private parts. he is not allowed computer with internet access in his room (i refuse to get wifi) and i monitor him on my puter. the point is Yes i said something to him about it, that it isnt real like wrestling, but to be honest. if you were that age in this time, wouldnt you be curious?? i will not let him have a laptop with internet connection (hubby and i are hardwired to cable net) this is ONE of the reasons why

Robin - posted on 09/09/2011

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This Post was very helpful. I feel like some devine intervention brought me to it , because it happen to me last nite. I will admit it has happen before to my 8 year old who has a 7 year old brother and 5 year old sister. They had all be sneaking and watching porn until they were caught. I put parental controls on the computer set up an account for her. I have on line classes and I have been leaving the computer on. She did it again, and her brother was with her again. My heart stopped! I was soooo mad. I sent them to bed and havent dealt with it yet. I'm glad I gave my self some time so now I can deal with it when they get out of school. I do believe the environment a child is boutht up in has a lot to do with their idea of what porn or sex is. Right now they are to young to know the difference, so I will explain it to them. I will remove the TV's out of their rooms, even though it goes off at 9p.m. I dont think my 8 year old should be watching Teen Nick all day. Thanks for your post @Steph O'leary.

[deleted account]

I agree with those who think it's time for a frank discussion of sexuality, but at 10, some kids are more receptive than others. She might tune you out on the "uncomfortable" parts. I'd focus on the aspect of loving relationships and point out that what she saw is not a depiction of a loving relationship, or real intimacy, so she can hear from you that porn is staged - not REAL. Curiosity is totally normal, though.
I have to add that the level of judgment in some of the comments here dismays me. Everyone on this site is a mother who cares enough about parenting to share honest, sometimes painful, things about her kids and herself. The "I can't believe anyone would EVER do...whatever" tone isn't valuable to anyone, and it's hurtful to the person who is honestly asking for help in a crisis. Your pious judgment isn't advice. If your parenting skills and knowledge are so perfect, please write a book or lead a parenting class, but I'm not sure why you need to be here if you don't need help navigating the stormy seas of raising children (as most of us do).
Love and peace to all of y'all.

[deleted account]

I agree, If you dont teach your children about sex and their bodies they will most certainly find a way of accessing this information from somewhere else, Luckily I have what I feel is quite an open relationship with my daughter as in no words are taboo and when things crop up I try my best to inform her in a way that is appropriate for her age. The porn throw me side ways !! because it is such graphic content and so difficult to explain to a tiny growing mind. I agree that children should be trusted and weather right or wrong I trusted my daughter with a personal laptop. its not a crime !! Its so nice to here words of incouragement that have helped re afirm my inital instincts. and not only that knowing I wasnt alone. Thankyou for that your advice has been amazing. please remember I work with young people from the ages of 11 to 19 for my job and I can assure most of you that if you arent teaching your children about sex and relationships they will make up their own rules with their peers as they grow. ♥ ♥ try to think back to how old you all were when you first discovered that touching yourself in a certain way felt good, then try and think weather you assosiated it with sex, because for me I was 9 and I had no idea it had anything to do with sex and babies !.. ♥

Nikita - posted on 09/09/2011

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I feel u should sit wid her talk to her n make her understand about good n bad... take her in your confidence, because at this age, there are lot of questions which they try to find the answer either by watching these types of video or by asking friends.... so you become her friend.

SJ - posted on 09/09/2011

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p.s Sherri champagne, your kids not even knowing what porn is at there age?? you are either oblivious or your kids will be the ones coming home at 16 pregnant because they didnt know how to use birth control!

SJ - posted on 09/09/2011

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WOW! i think most of the replys to this are almost idiotic! She is ten, of course she has access to a Laptop, if not an iphone, Ipad, tv or all of the above. And she is ten, she is curious!!! Sex is something new and forbidden so she is probably not being perverse but more trying to figure out what the big deal is!
Try talking to her, explain how it is with the birdsand bees and ask her if she any questions, isnt it better to hear it from you? then she wont need to try and figure it out herself through the internet and porn! Good luck.

Katty - posted on 09/08/2011

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Wow! This is truly amazing. First of all no 10 year old should have their "own" electronic in their rooms.
Then assume there was no mistake and she was definitely looking for something and curious, THAT is what you need to find out. Ask her first, before you start addressing issues, then figure out what to target. Don't yell and don't embarrass her, make her feel comfortable so that any time she's curious about something she feels comfortable enough to come to you. Make no mistake, she WAS searching for porn why? Is what you need to find out.
Good luck and keep a tight eye on her!

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2011

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Sorry, you are correct Sherri, I should not generalize. But even babies go through what is called the genital stage.

Angie - posted on 09/08/2011

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I agree, no private computer use. It needs to be in public areas of the house. You need to talk to her about sex and that porn is not healthy or the real way that married people have sex. This web site has some great advice. Check out http://www.momlifetoday.com/2010/05/5-wa...
This is really serious! Please do not delay!

Sherri - posted on 09/08/2011

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You can't put all kids in a lump some Lisa not all kids masturbate. Some most certainly do but a lot of kids don't even have any curiosity or desire for such things until much older.

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2011

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Not much different than sneaking peeks at dad's magazines. Children are curios, and if they do not feel comfortable coming to you with questions, they will get answers elsewhere. 10 seems a little young, but then I am an old fart! All kids masturbate, but I would be worried about the unrealistic view porn might give your daughter of sex. First off, when she sees a real live man naked will she wonder why he looks "small"? All kidding aside, I don't think porn is appropriate for kids. Can you put parental controls on the lap top so she can't access porn? I totally agree with Pamela, don't freak or make a big deal about it, just calmly explain that those sites are 18 and older for a reason. Healthy sexuality is a good thing. So is curiosity. It is up to you to give your daughter the truth.

Tammy - posted on 09/08/2011

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My daughters are grown now, but when they were younger they were not allowed to have a computer in their room (or a TV) and I had ALL their user names and passwords. I made sure to keep up with their net surfing, when they set up a facebook page so did I. I am still amazed at the parents that don't seem to have any idea what their kids say and what pictures they post on facebook.
At all cost, protect them while you can. They may seem to hate you for it at the time, but they will thank you when they are grown.

Pamela - posted on 09/08/2011

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Children are learning more and more about sex at younger ages due to the influence it has in TV programs, movies and now universal porn sites. First of all, DO NOT PANIC and make a big deal out of it because that will start her on the wrong attitude about bodies, etc.

Obviously she is curious about sex. Have you had any conversations with her about sex? There are some videos and many books that talk about sex to young children ready to enter puberty. Call your local library and inquire about such information.

Help her to learn that nudity is the way we come into the world and therefore is a natural state of beingness. There is nothing wrong with nudity, except that some folks make a big "bad" deal out of it.

If she is approached with the attitude that you can help her satisfy her curiosity in a less erotic way then perhaps she will listen.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

We parents should be present where and when our children of this age use the computer. I am always in a place where I can see the sites my kids visit. I don't let them use the computer when I am not around. My computer is password protected. You should have a good talk with her and explain why she should not watch such movies or videos. I always tell my kids that there is a time for eveything. One time, upon searching the web, my 8 yr old son came across a porn site. He did not view the page but immediately informed me about it. I was happy to have spent time talking to my kids and just tell them that they have a choice. You can't always be present and you won't be but if you can explain the importance of trust and walk them through it, then you can be at ease every time your children use the computer. Above all, always guard them in prayer that God would watch over them and protect them from such works of the evil one. Hope this helps.

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My 7 year old has been masterbating since the diaper came off. It is very natural. He tells me it feels good and that is why he does it. I don't use word the word "materbation". I believe age appropriate. I just tell him if he want to touch himself he needs to do it in private. Under a blanket, (does it while he watches TV), or in his room. When it comes to the computer, I would never let my young children on computer unless I know what site they are on..and watch it often...computer in family room.

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