I count my miscarriage as a child, one thats passed. You?

Courtney - posted on 11/11/2009 ( 29 moms have responded )

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I joined the March 2007 Mommies group because I count my miscarried baby and her "birthday" as being equal to any one other of my kids. I'm wondering if thats ok.. to join that group that is.

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Celeste - posted on 08/15/2010

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I think it's wonderful u treasure her. she has passed on and is home with God. You have a darling little angel watching over you. I have 6 little angels. # miscarriages and 3 still birth.

Melanie - posted on 11/13/2009

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I applaud you, i have had 5 miscarriages to date and find it too painful to remember anything about them. Some people handle it better than others and i hope you find peace remembering your daughter this way. xx

[deleted account]

I lost one child to miscarriage, and had one to die at 5 days old. They are my children just like my 5 living ones are. The birthdays are celebrated (not the same way of course). When my mother died I didn't say I don't have a mom. I say my mom is deceased, or living in heaven. The same goes for babies. They are PEOPLE, very important people in our lives who have passed away. I think it is wonderful that you remember and continue to "claim" your children, as I do. But, it is a personal decision, for some people, it is too painful. I respect their decisions also. I think your choice is wonderful! Don't let anyone discourage you! Love your kids, ALL of them!!!

[deleted account]

I count my ectopic baby as a child in our family and even though we didn't know the gender, we named her Rose and planted a pink rose bush for her. I always spare a thought for her on the day she was due and think of her on the day she was lost.

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Amy - posted on 08/15/2010

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Doctors might disagree, but I feel that a stillborn baby is a birth period. If you were able to hold your child, you are a mother! Miscarriages are a little different and depend on the person, how far along you were, how much you had bonded with your unborn child, etc. I miscarried at about one month, and although it was a tramatic experience (mostly because it took the doctors several weeks and multiple pregnancy tests & ultrasounds to determine whether the pregnancy had ended, was ectopic, etc.) I don't consider it a child as I barely realized I was pregnant when it ended. Do what feels right to you and that includes naming baby. And if Gabby and Bella (or Gabriella) resonate with you, by all means use them. It doesn't matter if they are "you" your subconscious is trying to tell you something, so listen. :)

[deleted account]

If it feels right to honor and memorialize your miscarried child then it is the best way for you to grieve. I personally do not consider my 3 previous m/c a child, but that is something that feels right to me. I say I have one son, and that is all I have.



As far as Hebrew names, there were plenty of Sarah's, Rebecca's & Rachael's in my Hebrew School class. An Israeli version of Sarah is Sarit, and that is the name of a dear friend's niece.

Courtney - posted on 11/13/2009

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You guys are so awesome. Thank you so much, all of you for writing. I think Baby came to help me with the pain to come with regards to my stillborn daughter. Had I not been so utterly devestated with the miscarriage and my first experience had been holding my other dead daughter in my hands, I think I'd be a real nut by now. I would not have handled it even half as well as I did and I think I was one of those horrible grieving people. lol. I screamed, I cried, I melted, became addicted to the pain medication they gave me just so that I could so somethin else other than feel the pain of both the losses really. Still to this day I'm a real knuckle head and hold and remember my kids stuff, alone, mostly at night when no one is up so they don't see my nose drippin while I sit and cry. I had to do the whole grief counseling thing. Apparently I was so bereaved and any images of my stillborn disturbed my counselor so bad that neither of us could continue in our therapy sessions. I'm a horrible griever cause I either LET IT OUT or I suck it up and cry alone.



I do wanna remember Baby. So much emphasis has been placed on Hanna by my family and even by me sometimes. I wanna be fair and I wanna speak up and remember that Baby was my baby. My child. She deserves as much validation as any of the other kids.



I've been trying to think of a name. For some reason, even though I was hoping to choose from a list of more Hebrew sounding names, the names Gabby and Bella kept coming up. I could combine the two and make it like Gabriella. I don't know though. There is still somethin so not me about that name, but Gabby and Bella are just resignating in my head.

[deleted account]

I think that is wonderful. I have had two miscarried babies and I think of them often. I think they should be remembered as two of my children always, along with my four children born here on earth with me now.

Charlie - posted on 11/13/2009

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I held my child and buried my child he is very much real to me .
i count Jackson ( my miscarried child ) as one of my own and he always will be .

Cristin - posted on 11/13/2009

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i lost a baby and think about him often. i sometimes feel his presents in the house. i was told by a person that he is ok in heaven and he was not supposed to be on earth for very long. im ok with this info now. i know he is happy. i will always love him.

Lydia - posted on 11/12/2009

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Definately ok! I dont count mine - but thats my choice and doesnt make it right for everyone. If you want to count yours then you go ahead and do it - there is no right or wrong - its right for you and that what matters :)

Courtney - posted on 11/12/2009

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Ya'll can keep the names comin. I'm thinkin hard. I just can't find that right name. May go back and look at Hebrew names as Judaism is my religion. Hmmm, you guys look around or think of some things and we can surely come up with a good suitable name.

[deleted account]

sorry for your loss.. i never went through it.. but my sister did.. she had a lil service for her.. named her, everything.. my sis has a lil angel up there.. so yes good for you

Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2009

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www.october15th.com is a great website honoring our babies we have lost its also a national holiday i love the website it is very encouraging- check it out-- i have 2 kids and we lost a baby in the middle and yes i still say i have three kids

Jane - posted on 11/12/2009

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Hi Courtney,
Of course your little baby was someone..she was your daughter, and such a tragic loss. I am sorry to hear what you have gone through but she is at peace now :)
I know this might sound corny but I thought it might be pretty, to give her a name of an Angel. I have found website that has angel names and what they mean, if you want to give it a look. Just a suggestion...although the name Angel might also be nice for her :)
http://www.angelsghosts.com/angel_names
Take care x x

Yvonna - posted on 11/12/2009

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I've heard that when you spell heaven backwards it's ( Nevaeh) just a thought for the baby's name. She will meet you in Heaven. She will know you and you will know her. Bless your heart.

Yvonna - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Courtney:

Thank you ladies for all the wonderful responses. I've been thinking.. maybe I owe "Baby" a name now!! I know she was there, she existed, lived.. i know she died, passed from my body into Heaven. I'm kinda glad that the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes outside of my body was the eyes of our Lord. Any suggestions for names??


 

Yvonna - posted on 11/12/2009

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Courtney Williams, this in reply to your quote about the child you miscarried. Yes I think it's alright to count this miscarriage and celebrate on the day you lost it. This was a child from conception, and you will not regret doing this. welcome to this site.

Courtney - posted on 11/12/2009

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Thank you ladies for all the wonderful responses. I've been thinking.. maybe I owe "Baby" a name now!! I know she was there, she existed, lived.. i know she died, passed from my body into Heaven. I'm kinda glad that the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes outside of my body was the eyes of our Lord. Any suggestions for names??

Keri - posted on 11/12/2009

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If you believe that life begins at conception then you should definately consider them children. I do! My only other thought is that it may be hard to see how the other children in the group are growing and knowing that your child is not getting the chance to do that. I know it would affect me in that way. You know what is best for you on an emotional level so be proactive in not putting yourself in places that may cause stress or depression. ;) Sorry for the losses ladies. Praise God for the gifts that we have! I know my two girls are God's amazing gifts!

Teresa - posted on 11/12/2009

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If you don't mind me asking, how far along were you when you lost her? I always feel a little crazy because I lost 2 and I named them and have tiny stockings for them. They were too small to know their sex, but I think they were the boys that would have made my count even (I have 4 girls and 2 boys). Congratulations on keeping her close to you! I can't tell you how many people have told me to move on. My husband's grandfather even argued with me about how to feel about them because I couldn't have a funeral for them! Some people will never get it. I applaud you.

[deleted account]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Nobody should turn you away. And yes, miscarried babies are persons, too.

Sarah - posted on 11/12/2009

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I think that is a lovely idea too! I had two miscarriages before having my little girl - the first one was about 6-8 weeks into pregnancy and the second was a blighted ovum . I was particuarly devastated after the second but having my little girl was a dream come true.
I went to a prayer group after my second miscarriage - someone said they could see my two 'lost' children in heaven playing with other children and that helped me visualise them - I believe they were both boys in my mind and that they are happy and at peace.
I am not a religious person as such but I think I am quite spirtual - if that makes any sense!

Abbie - posted on 11/12/2009

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its a personal choice. Doing what you are doing I think is ok. when peopel ask you how many kids you have do you could that miscarriage as well? I don't - myself.

I think its great you joined the group, its good to rmemeber the ones that don't go to term as long as we don't dwell on the those and not give the living ones the attention they need.

Rose - posted on 11/11/2009

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remember her for what she was. a question how far into your pegnancy where you? as the more details you give the more of an answer can be given

Lauren - posted on 11/11/2009

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Of course it is OK! She is your daughter no matter what and I think it's a great way to memorialize her and the memories that you have of that pregnancy. Every pregnancy brings hope and planning for the future and your pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage is no different.

Laura - posted on 11/11/2009

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Kia Ora Courtney!

I think personally that is an absolutely wonderful thing you are doing...you are acknowledging that your misscarriage was a child, therefore a part of your family and by rememebering the special dates ensures that she is not a forgotten memory.

Good on ya

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