i don't like one of my sons friends - how do i get him to stop calling the house to come play?

Jennifer - posted on 08/03/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

1

21

0

my son who is 9ys is the oldest of our three children. he has a friend who is 9yrs that is the youngest of his siblings, who are all in their teens. when this boy comes to our house he plays to ruff and violent he also calls names. i don't want him to call our house, i don't want him to come over and i absolutely will NOT let my son go to his house. he keeps calling, i don't want to hurt his feelings but i don't thing this is a good match. any suggestions?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Arwen - posted on 08/03/2009

350

12

30

If you did give him another chance to come over, you should sit him down and tell him what kind of behavior you expect in your home. If he misbehaves, take him home. My parents were pretty strict, and that worked for our wilder friends. Once they knew my parents were serious, they straitened up at our house. It was funny hearing some parents ask how they got their kids to behave so well. "He never says 'thank you' at home!" LOL Your son's friend might surprise you and be a pretty good kid, but you need to let the 9 year old know who's boss! ;)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

11 Comments

View replies by

Hollie - posted on 08/03/2009

12

38

1

I don't think people are saying no, so much as they're saying that if the rules are clearly laid out and the child still does not respect them, the friend does not get the benefit of that friendship.

I hope you're right and the friend will decide he'd like to continue the relationship, even if that means not having a potty mouth and behaving within the limitations. Hopefully he'll see that her son's friendship is worth behaving and will be influenced positively as a result.

Susie - posted on 08/03/2009

1

20

0

in addition to helping this young man expand his social skills, it might be helpful to include his mom or dad in a visit to your house (or maybe McDonalds). These parents might be overwhelmed with a couple of teens in the house. It is always interesting to hear what parents can share about their children with other parents of children the same age...this Mom could very well want her younger child to be less aggressive with others.

Anita - posted on 08/03/2009

349

40

37

it looks like most are telling u to keep telling him no he cant come over..but kids need a lil guidance when they dont get any from home..i know most would think its not ur responsibilty becos he is not ur child but ..as an adult u would like any child to learn how to behave socially and learn soem sort of limits...u never know he prob learn to respect u more as an adult ...and maybe this little boy is not so bad if he just had some guidance on how to behave and when u tell him in the future that he cant come over he will respect ur wishes..hope im making sense...

Hollie - posted on 08/03/2009

12

38

1

Wow, I have the same problem with my son and a girl in the neighborhood. She's too rough, and I've been firm with her about the rules. She's had countless tries because she's a neighbor, but I finally had to tell my son he's not allowed to play with her. It's hard to keep her away, but I'm firm and polite.

Eventually her mother caught on and brought it up to me. She and I disagreed about whether there's any situation when the children ought to be hitting each other, and I've continued to enforce the discontinuance of their friendship. It's not always the boy, not always the bigger kid even, who is the bully. But I'm concerned that my son Gregory might be mad at me, even though she's the first one to tattle, the first one to go home before a mess is cleaned up.

Are you concerned also, especially because you son is 9, that he'll blame you for not letting him see his friend? My son is only 5 and he knows that it's mommy's rule. As much as children have the potential to change (your son's friend could win a nobel prize one day), it's also your job as a parent to help him have the best influences (his friend could convince him to do things he shouldn't). I don't think that Greg will hold it against me forever, especially because I encourage his relationships with children who truly are good friends to him, who share and play nice, even when they disagree.

Your son's friend could be "the flavor of the month" afterall. All it takes is a new homeroom teacher and all the friendship dynamics change.

Anita - posted on 08/03/2009

349

40

37

I think as an adult and the owner or the property u need to sit the little boy down and talk to him and let him know that there are rules around this house if he wants to come over...what he does and daoesnt do over at his own house and what his parents let him get away with is their choice but u wont tolerate it at ur place...he he doesnt respect ur wish in hebaviour in ur house then he is no longer welcome...speak to him firmly and like an adult..these days at 9yrs old a child is alot more grown up and to be the youngest of his siblings im sure he knows alot more u think..

u have the right at your own house to teach children how to behave...



there is a huge gap btw my two younger bros and me and when they were born i had to look after them..when there were other kids around (be it family or strangers) i had no qualms in telling any of the kids off if they missed behave or did the wrong thing...as a caretaker u have to protect not only your own child (be it from physical attacks or verbal..or bad language and behaviour)..and if the other childs caretakers dont correct it then i would...kids need to be taught limitations and social behaviour...i used to let my little cousins know all the time that i dotn really care who started what first..if anyone miss behaves and gets hurt then they (including my brothers ) will all be punished and get time out..it worked really well becos they learnt to share and learnt to communicate without shouting or pushing and shoving...



if the child goes back to his parents and dobs (tells them that u told him off or what not) then dont worry if they approach u (and u wait for them to approach u with the isssue if it ever becomes an issue)..it is ur house and it is your rules...and u tell the parents exactly that...

Jodi - posted on 08/03/2009

26,034

36

3891

Jennifer, I know where you are coming from. My son has had friends I have had problems with too, but I have never told him, and I allow these kids to come to our house, but I crack the whip and make them aware of our rules in the house, and make sure they are required to comply with the rules too, or they won't be allowed to come and play any more. They actually turned out to be good kids, and I don't have a problem with them now.

I also got to know the parents, and I now have no problem with my son going to their houses either. I think sometimes, kids think they can get away with more when they are at someone else's house, so they try it on you. Just because they are not your children doesn't mean you can't apply discipline when they are in your home. I even have these kids help my son with his chores when they stay over, and they don't complain.

Hate to tell you, you won't always like your kids' friends, but the more you buck up against it, the more determined your kids will become. One day, you will probably not like a girlfriend he brings home either, but there are some things we have to let go, and we can't control every decision our children make, especially as they get older.

Vicki - posted on 08/03/2009

675

30

112

I think if he is visiting your home, he needs to abide by your rules, even if they are clearly not rules his parents enforce. At nine he may not care much for what you have to say, but just explain that certain words are not tolerated, as well as certain types of play, and suggest another game. If he is out of hand, discipline both your son and his friend, take away toys, priveleges, etcetera. Have them sit quietly. He might decide your house is too boring. If he continues the same behaviour, call his mother and explain to her in front of him what happened, how it is inappropriate. Hopefully she can understand that your house rules need to be respected even if she does not agree.

Sharon - posted on 08/03/2009

11,585

12

1314

I think one more visit and a sit down explanation to the boy of what is and isn't allowed. My middle child just turned 10 and I've had to do this twice. It works. It takes reminding a couple of times, but generally kids want to please. There is a reason why he likes your son and playing at your house. Maybe he likes seeing how much you care about your son and wishes he were treated the same way.

Debbie - posted on 08/03/2009

1

0

0

I agree with Tiffany - just continue to tell him no and eventually he will stop. You may explain to your son that you do not care for the way this little boy acts at your home. Your son, even at 9, knows what you will and will not tolerate from children - he will understand.

Tiffany - posted on 08/03/2009

49

12

7

Could you just keep saying no nicely... and after a while he might get tired of trying?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms