I feel like I'm dying! Please help!

Sarah - posted on 06/19/2012 ( 418 moms have responded )

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I will try to make this short and to the point. If I don't get help my kids are going to suffer even more because they will not have the mom they deserve. I really need some help. I am so sick and tired of being depressed and not finding a med that helps me that I feel like I cannot go another day feeling like this. I can't even play with my kids anymore. I don't even have the strength to open up a sippy cup. Sometimes I don't even want to go into public. I seriously feel like something inside of my body is dying. I am crying all the time and it's hard when I have 5 kids to tend to and a husband. I have been to therapist and doctors (because I have osteoarthritis) and nothing they have given me has helped. I just don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could have my life back. Just in the past year I've gained 30 lbs. I hate myself right now. Any advice?? Also my children have not been to a sitter in over 2 and half years.

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Sarah - posted on 07/22/2012

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I have applied for early head start and my kids are always on the waiting list. Go figure. So I am now struggling with my marriage on top of all this. Told my hubby I'm leaving with the kids when I get paid, got no where to go, but will go to a shelter if I have to. Don't know any other options, but I'm not about to sit back and do everything to please everyone else first and put myself last anymore. It's like I had an apiffany today (dont know if I spelled that right! lol) but I feel lke he's the reason (besides my back pain) that I am in this rut to begin with. I will keep you all posted because in the meantime, there will be no break for me, I've been toughing it out for years alone anyways, even though I've been in relationships, I do all the work for the kids I feel, so whats another two weeks right? Who knows. I can't deal with it anymore, this morning my hands were shaking because of all the stress, I could go on for days but it's just too much.

Granny - posted on 07/22/2012

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Indeed there has got be child care assistance for Sarah, so her kids can get an early start in preschool etc. my child and grandkids all did that and it makes them much more socialized and educated. Go apply! if your income won't provide eligibility, there has to be a way. Your kids need that and you need a break.

Kristi - posted on 07/22/2012

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Holy, Lord! I just saw how long my "comment" is....sorry! I do mean well. ; )

Kristi - posted on 07/22/2012

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Hi, Sarah--

I just read through most of the 19 pages here, well not ALL, but as many of yours as I could find. It seems as though there is no more advice to give. ; ) I think it is remarkable that you have followed through with all these suggestions, doctors and therapists. It is obvious that you want to feel better and with your attitude and determination and a little help from Above, I think you will make it through this storm soon.

So much of what you said reminds me of myself. I don't have chronic pain in my back but I do suffer from migraines and chronic headaches. I don't think I could handle the amount of pain you have described. I have been suffering from mental illness since I was about 15. I'm 41 now. I used to have severe panic attacks, they lasted up to 24 hours. Many times, I ended up in the hospital. My depression worsened as time went on. My first suicide attempt came when I was 18. There is no logical reason for me to be alive, God has saved my ass so many times and I never knew why. I had shock treatments, many of them, because I couldn't keep my head above water. I was eventually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which I saw that you said you might be. I'm very happy you are not. I have been in and out of the mental health hospital all of my adult life. I could tell you long stories about all of my experiences that have led to where I am today but, they probably won't help much, so, I'll try to keep it "short."

In the last 5 years, I had been married to my 2nd husband, gained 75 lbs., spent 3 months straight in the nut hut, finally found the right doc and therapist and I was on 11 different medications at the same time. In addition to BPD and my panic disorder, my doctor added bi-polar disease to "my colorful" mental health history. lol I have more scars on my arms and legs than Frankenstein. I was raising my daughter and stepson while my 2nd husband worked his tucas off. 2 years ago, I was in a custody battle with my 1st exhusband, found out my 2nd husband had been cheating on me for God only knows how long and spent most of my time thinking about how much better off my kids would be without me.

Last year, my 2nd husband told me I was too fat, too old and too white (he is hispanic, and he decided he wanted to go back to hispanic women, young hispanic girls) and he wanted out. I won my custody battle and my daughter and I moved 1500 miles away so I could be with my family. (who moved 1600 miles back across the country 6 weeks after I got here! omg). Before leaving, my mom helped me join Weight Watchers. We are living in my parents beautiful home until they move back here in a few years. We live on an island near Seattle. Almost no crime and the schools rank in the top 3 in the nation, my daughter joined gymnastics and has started laughing and loving life for the first time since she was about 6, she will be 13 soon.

We have wonderful neighbors, who were already aware of my "situation" so they are compassionate and helpful. We house/pet sit for a few people when they go out of town, this helps me make ends meet sometimes. I miss my stepson and husband very much. I have one friend in NE and one in NY. We used to talk everyday. But I've been long since forgotten. I have managed to get down to 6 medications and so far I have lost 48.2 lbs. My mom comes to visit quite often. I spend all of my time on here. My daughter says I'm addicted and jokes that if CoM stood for crack or meth, I would be in big trouble! :D I found out I like Roller Derby. I'm mostly even, now, which is a vast improvement from wishing for death. I consider myself blessed. Watching my daughter bloom after all she's been through and seeing her kindness, selflessness, intelligence and beauty prevail (brag, much?!), I now understand why God kept me alive. My reason for being was to bring this amazing child into the world and to love and protect her with every fiber of my being because she is here to do something incredible for Him. I can only wait to see what else it will be.

There are so many more things we have in common (feelings wise), but I have taken up enough your time. I guess my point in all this was to hopefully give you some hope that things do get better. I battle regularly with my illness and faith, but when push comes to shove, at the end of the day I know He's real. Do your best to believe in yourself because you're worth it. (is that a Lorel commercial?) Take care of yourself so you when you start to get your life back, you'll be able to enjoy it.

(P.S. if none of this made sense it's because I've been up for about 28 hours now, so forgive me for my errors but know that you are cared about by many)

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

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Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

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Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

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16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

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16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Tracey - posted on 07/21/2012

32

16

0

Dear Sarah,

I can relate, I have 4 kids, 5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 talkative African birf and a husband that always seems to be going through something so he cannot be there. I started out as 49kgs, the weight became more difficult to lose with each baby. By the time number 4 arrived I was almost double my starting weight. My marraige has was on rocks and my new born needed surgery. Needless to say I managed to keep it together until we were all home and then fell throughouly to pieces.

I tried meds and counselling, which I do believe have their place, but didn't help me at all and it was always a fight to get the money from my husband.

Get your kids to school, and go sit on a nice sunny spot alone, and decide where you would have liked to be in your life today, and what you feel you are missing. Set yourself small goals to get closer to where you want to be. Example: I want to be a better mom, goal: today I will not take my frustration out on my children.

Work on your apperance, its amazing how movitating even a little weightloss can be. Maybe get a mornings job, its good to have something away from the family that is just yours. And kust keep setting little achieveable goals.

Build your self respect and confidence. Basically everyone elses needs always come first, so put yourself first and recharge yourself first. Try to speak to your husband in a non critical way and ask him to be supportive of the changes you would like to make in your life, some husbands can be a great help, but at the end of the day the decision is yours and you have to fight for it with or without him if you want your life back.

I've done most of the weightloss, finally got a haircut, working slowly on a new wardrobe, still trying not to raise my voice at my kids, job is next in line, my youngest starts school next year. I finally after 2 years getting on top of the housework, which to be honest is very difficult for me, sounds silly but its like a form of torture.

But its a great first step to be on here, it shows that even though you are down, you are not out and still have a lot to fight for :).

Melissa - posted on 07/21/2012

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Are you currently on birth control? BC always made me depressed. Also, my husband does marriage couseling. He often uses the book, His Needs, Her Needs. Please look it up and get a copy. Tell your husband that you want to learn how to be a better wife and mother and you would enjoy it if he will read the book with you. It will cover everything from how you speak and communicate with one another to important bedroom details.

Kristen - posted on 07/21/2012

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I would recommend a few things:

1. Eliminate sugar (in all forms) and artificial sweeteners from your diet. Not for weight loss, although it will help you lose weight, but also because these substances wreak havoc on your brain and hormones. Also decrease your overall carbohydrate intake for similar reasons. Stay away from processed foods. Changing your dirty could be the most important thing you do.

2. Exercise regularly. The more intense the better. Again, not only for weight loss, but for brain health. It will help balance your hormones, boost seratonin and dopamine (pleasure hormones in the brain), and increase your self worth and confidence. Also exercise has been shown to be just as effective as anti depressant medications.

3. Consider supplements. It is almost universally recommended that women take a multivitamin and DHA at the very least. DHA is essential for your brain and can help with depression. Also look into natural remedies for depression such as St. Johns Wort, which again can be just as effective as medication with none of the side effects. Explore vitamin D deficiency.

4. Make sleep a major priority. Try to get as close to 8 hours per night as possible. Focus on good quality, uninterrupted sleep. This may seen impossible, but again it is fore your brain.

Dr. Daniel G. Amen is an excellent resource. Check out his clinics' website www.amenclinics.com. His book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" has been a tremendous help to me.

I also agree with much of what has been said about getting you some help and some "me time." Remember you cannot take care of anyone if you do not take care of yourself first!

I apologize for any spelling mistakes, but I typed this is the tiny browser on my phone, which was supremely frustrating.

Sarah - posted on 07/21/2012

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Thank you all again. The doc put me on citalopram. I have taken it years ago and it did help me, but for whatever reason, I quit taking it. No I am not feeling better than 1 month ago when I posted this unfortunately. I only feel like I'm getting worse. I get my meds on monday, even though it will take a few weeks to start working. We'll see. I had a busy week, hubby bought a motorcycle, the sporty kind, not happy about that though....had a garage sale, saw some family members and wore myself out to the bone. My daughter who is 8 years old had her ice skating competition in Ames, Iowa and won 1st place in both her competitions. I am very proud of her but I had to chase around 4 other kids almost the whole time with a hubby who sat on the bleachers and then went to the car after she got her medal! I had to wait inside for her to get all done with her coach and team, so that was stressful. I have no affection in my marriage anymore and I think that is where most of my depression comes from, neither one of us are happy, at least, I'm not. I can't even talk to him about it, he gets real defensive and then all of a sudden everything is my fault. Yeah right! Anyways, I could keep rambling for days about the problems there ha!

Amy - posted on 07/21/2012

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I also have 5 kids and know how crazy that makes your life. Honestly, I could not do it without Jesus in my life. I have battled depression at times in the past, have even taken medication and counseling, but it has been God who has seen me and my family through it. I will pray for you.

Granny - posted on 07/21/2012

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good thoughts Mary, I think this mom should find a way to barter with somebody for some free time. Maybe she can help them in some way and in return have a day off while that person watches her children.

also, when I have been most down in the dumps in life, the first thing I do is go help somebody worse off than I am. It puts it all into perspective. Volunteer work would seem like a vacation and very heartwarming!! I learned some of my career skills by doing volunteer work and that served me well in life.

but she must find some agency or org.that she can tell her concerns to, who can refer her to some network where there is somebody who will care and provide suggestions or assistance.

Mary - posted on 07/21/2012

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It sounds like you need to get help with your kids. Not having a sitter to rely on, or a person to help you out at all, can be way way way way defeating. You probably feel like you get to a point where you can breathe and then the current takes you under again. It also sounds like your husband doesn't do much to help out in that area, just based on the husband comment. If you want your sanity back, get a person to help you! If you want yourself back, strive to do one thing a day that is just for you. A healthy Mom is a happy Mom is a good Mom. You are doing your best. Just remember that your kids need you and you need to see beyond the "now" into the future. It will not always be like this. Take the time to get back into your groove. For yourself and for your family :)

Leah - posted on 07/21/2012

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You need me time to the tenth degree! I see this was posted a month ago, so I really hope you're feeling well :) I felt like that briefly, and it really was when the kids are gone, that does in no way make you a bad mom!
I honestly think a day a week, even if you have someone else come over and say, these 3 are yours, these 2 are mine or whatever for the day.
If you have them all leave the house, just sit and read, watch some TV, you don't need to feel like you have to do something with your free time, that will come as you start to feel better, you WILL get the urge to leave the house again. So one week at a time. The more you get out and active, take 1 kid to the park, not 5 kinda thing, you'll improve too, and your kids will start to like the 1 on 1 time and likely be better to you when you do have all 5 to yourself. All the best!

Granny - posted on 07/21/2012

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Lynette that would seem obvious, I have to wonder if their financial situation is part of the issue? Maybe they can't afford the most basic day trip and that surely would help, but some folks are unable to afford such "luxuries". I pray this family will get that opportunity. I am praying fervently for this mother who so wants to do the right thing!

Lynette - posted on 07/21/2012

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Go on a holiday without the kids and hubby. and have a good think about what you really want out of your life. find an activity or hobby that you can call your own. i know these seem simple enough things to do, i've been where you are now and doing these things helped. you need to talk to a proffesional and get to the root issuses. you cant fix it if you dont know its broken. good luck with it all. xx

Jennifer - posted on 07/21/2012

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Try eating a combination of dark cherries, strawberries, pineapple and blueberries. These will help to boost the estrogen in your body naturally and should help you to feel better. They can be canned, fresh or frozen. Life does not go "dowhill" once you hit 30! I'm 36 going on 37 very soon and I am absolutely loving life! Don't listen to advice from people that makes you discouraged or upset (mine included) :) Maybe you could ask your sister to watch your children for you? I hope some of this may help you!

Denise - posted on 07/21/2012

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Sounds to me like you have Fibromyalgia! I was a very active and physical mom till about 2 yrs ago. Was diagnosed in March with Fibro. It is a hard illness to diagnose, and there isn't a lot of Meds out there to help. My advice would be to get urself in to see a Rhuematologist ASAP. Wish you well and hope u can get to the bottom of this!!

Denise - posted on 07/21/2012

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Sounds to me like you have Fibromyalgia! I was a very active and physical mom till about 2 yrs ago. Was diagnosed in March with Fibro. It is a hard illness to diagnose, and there isn't a lot of Meds out there to help. My advice would be to get urself in to see a Rhuematologist ASAP. Wish you well and hope u can get to the bottom of this!!

Akinbinu - posted on 07/21/2012

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I think it's fear. It's happened to me also and I overcame it thru prayers. First u should understand that you can't change what is going to happen, so live each day with so much fun and excitement remembering that all you have are your kids and hubby. Involve in a lot of fun activities, watch inspirational movies and most of all speak with your hubby about it, he needs to know so he can be involve and help you. Maybe you should start with a vacation to a place of dream. You need to start now.

Granny - posted on 07/20/2012

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Kathy I have suffered with fibromyalgia for at least 20 years back when they didn't even recognize it as a legitimate condition. You might try tramadol, I take it because I have low tolerance and don't need pain meds that make me even more lethargic. And I use it sparingly now but used to take it all the time. I have various other conditions, probably all arising from a motorcycle accident in '79 where a drunk hit me and I landed on my head with no helmet. I have had some horrible times with pain, have learned to manage it the best possible way, what doctors push on us often makes things worse. One has to experiment until they find their own individual, correct treatments. Of course chiropractic is always good in conjuction with other things, especially trigger point therapy for the muscular issues.

Granny - posted on 07/20/2012

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not sure why my reply didn't post, just know that someone cares and perhaps consider Lexapro, been taking it for years, no side effects like that rotten zoloft gave me. if you want somebody to help you find some assistance with the kids in your state, inbox me on facebook, Granny Tenderstone, I will help you. Also try putting notices somewhere you feel safe about asking perhaps for someone to help you, just be careful who you might find, naturally.



Maybe there's a social worker in a local hospital who would have some ideas, try that!



be strong, hold on!! :)

Kathy - posted on 07/20/2012

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First of all I have been there. 12 years ago I got hurt at work. I lost part of the use of my left hand. After being in constant pain for over 6 months I sunk into a deep depression. I tried several different medications but, while I was able to function, I gained 60 lbs and was not able to drive as all the medications have a side effect of sleepiness.

After a year I was able to get off the meds but it took me 5 years to loose 40 lbs, still have 20 to go. Five years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I live with almost constant pain. I am not willing to go take the recommended medications because of the side effects. I have looked into alternative forms of therapy and have had some success there.

I would however recommend that you see a doctor and have a complete blood panel run. I have need taking a medication for awhile for Gerd. Recently I have been excessively sleepy and feeling out of sorts. Thought it was the fibro acting up until I started having tremors in my legs. It turned out that the medication caused my electrolytes to go completely out of whack and I was desperately in need of magnesium. It's not that I didn't want get out of bed I just was incapable of getting out of bed. So please go see a doctor and get yourself checked. Depression and low magnesium levels look and act the same but when you have both together it just makes you feel all the worse.

Granny - posted on 07/20/2012

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Dear lady, don't despair. I suffer with the same symptoms but have been on Lexapro for several years and it helps a lot, with no side effects I can detect. Please know that somebody cares, I really do. I am a grandmother and take care of three grandchildren a lot so their mom can work, but I don't like leaving the house much and have chronic fatigue, which you seem to be describing. I will check around and see if I can find someplace that will answer your plea for help, what city/state do you live in? in order to keep in touch with you, find my inbox on facebook, Granny Tenderstone is my facebook name. that way we can privately exchange emails okay? God bless you, it's going to get better I promise. And meanwhile, pray as I will be praying for you too.

Jessica - posted on 07/20/2012

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I know this is a late post but my first thought was are ur kids at school or in nursery to give u some me time!! Once u have that ad u can rest or tidy up the house or just have a nice bath and look into everything without it being so loud and busy! The outer thing is get a baby siter and go out with ur husband u 2 need time together!! Sometimes the medicines just are not enough u need to spend time for yourself too even if it's once every 10 weeks try going out together and see how u feel xxxxx

Vickie - posted on 07/20/2012

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when you are going through depression or anything like this..it seems like forever..then slowly it goes away and then one day you dont feel it..and your anxiety which you more than likely have and maybe even anxiety disorder which I have as well ..also goes ....it takes a lot of patience and constant work on yourself...because really no one understands it unless they have been through it and each one of us experiences it differently...I trust in God and pray a lot even for guidance in finding the right therapist and just about everything I do ..I also pray when Im well ..unceasing prayer...becuz my greatest therapist is God..He knows us like no other..so compiled with God's guidance and a good dr you will get well and can ..always think yes you can...and you will get better over time....it does take a lot of patience...I know that when its over I feel as though I went to school and got a degree in patience...maybe its God perfecting us...so we can be in HIs presense again....God bless you...

Diana - posted on 07/20/2012

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Depression is a very serious issue. How old are your kids just out of curiosity. Does your husband help out at home with the kids at all? If not maybe you should try talking to him and expressing how you feel but don't blame him for anything just express your feelings. It sounds like you are seeing a therapist at least and hopefully you are seeing the right type of therapist and seen this person on a continual basis To understand the root of your depression. It sounds like you may be very overwhelmed with things going on maybe you should try getting a babysitter in having a date night with your husband or a night out with a couple of friends. Medication may not really be what you need necessarily it might just you Need some support of help from your husband and an outlet. it sounds like many things are going on in your household and you feel like you are superwoman and have to please everybody but you always have to remember to take time for yourself no matter what. if you do not take time for yourself then you start to become resentful and depressed and begin to just not enjoy things anymore. I went through a lot of the same issues before as well and it just ended up being that I had a little tiny saucer plate with about 50 other place of stuff piled up on this 1 little plate to deal with and I did not know how to deal with things. just remember you have to take time for yourself and take care of you first before you can take care of anybody else.

Tiffany - posted on 07/19/2012

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I have not read all the responses but my first thought is take the kids to the park daily and you exercise. It is good for depression and part of that depression has to be from the weight gain. This will also allow time for you from the children. It's a nice break for all of you.

Vickie - posted on 07/18/2012

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wow...first time reading this...indeed a cry for help...I have been there so many times..I have a history of major depression and it started when I was about 25yrs old....I didnt have it all the time..but it lasts for about 2yrs..I chose not to take medicine..and instead get talk therapy...I did that for the 2 times I had it...I was 25 and then 30 ...it was very very hard as major depression takes you out..your entire body..it feels like a horrible illness...my mother had it but put herself in the hospital. she escaped ..and left us behind...I was the oldest so I had to take care of the kids at home...when I had my first one I had 2 kids and couldnt leave them..so I had it..along with it I had anxieity disorder so bad..I cant even describe that...panic attacks one after the other..I did what I could and prayed ...a lot of prayer..my kids were young then...when i had my 2nd episode I had 4 kids..I was in england with my husband who was airforce..we were moving from england bk to the states. I had to pack up and herd my kids traveling bk and then driving bk to texas from the east coast and then to a wedding..what I did was pretend...I dropped so much weight...I was pathetic looking...you see you gain weight before going through the big depression because of all the stress you are living through...you can feel it and your body takes it on first and then if it doesnt let up you go through clinical depression...well, I got through it over time going to shrinks and having even some bad ones...who caused more harm...all of this made me strong...then later at about 37..I had a hysterectomy and was put on an antidepressant desipramine which took 3months to work..I wasnt going through depression but was allergic to the estrogen they gave me and so i was put on the antidepressant to take care of the sudden change of life...it did help me to eat and sleep...the affects of going thru the change of life...well, a few years later i went through my 3rd episode of major depression and it was soo painful...even while on medication..that is when I realized ..the meds helped with actual phyiscal pain...but not so much the depression...you have to force yourself to think positively and look for things to give you hope..that it will be over...also its very important to get a thorough physical...exam...to make sure its not something else...then get a good therapist and that helps you to feel that you are not alone...that someone is looking out for you...it helps you to feel safe....tell your kids you are not well and that you cry off and on and you might need some help from them...my kids felt sorry for me ..they thought I was lonesome for them when they went to school and that is why I looked sad and would make me things at school...to help me be happy....prayer was my real help....knowing God knew what was happening to me..and I stayed very close to Him...I knew He was there...in life we have trails and we have to figure ways of getting thru them...in the end and out the other side...you become strong...and you trust in God more....

Krysta - posted on 07/18/2012

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Hi Sarah,
My name is Krysta. I'm almost 30 with 2 girls (4 and 8) and 30 weeks with my third child. I found this site while searching for help as to why even on meds and threw counseling and reading every darn book I still feel just like you do. I would love to chat with you. I would rather not do it on a public forum.
My email is krysta.atkinson@live.com if you're interested. I can't help but feel alone and even more so ashamed of my current situation. Maybe we could find comfort in knowing someone else feels the same way.
Hope to hear from you. Krysta

Ashley - posted on 07/16/2012

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i dont know if this will be much help, have you talked to your husband about this? with 5 kids i i could only imagine the stress. you need a day (or weekend!) to yourself, a vacation perhaps, go to a spa or something, make it all about you. it maybe only for a little while, but if you are feeling like this then id say you deff need it! do something that makes you happy and stress free, if not spa. ive always loved camping, maybe that is something you like too? peace and quit, time for yourself.

im not sure if this helps any but i really do wish you the best! and hope you get the help you need.

Sarah - posted on 07/16/2012

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Thanks again everyone for all the thoughtfullness. I go to my doctor Thursday to be put on meds. So I'm nervous to see what they will try this time around.

Deborah - posted on 07/16/2012

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Dear Sarah; My heart goes out to you. It is so touch for Mothers taking care of children, taking care of the house, being the good wife, it is very tough to carry this load primarily by yourself. Try getting into a co-op with other moms who share babysitting duties. Take one day out for yourself. Get your nails done, go to the movies, sit by the pool, read a book, just sleep without interruption. Pick your day and do it for you!. If there is no co-op, try a relative. You must take time for yourself. Best wishes. I wish I lived near you. I am a grandmother helping my daughter.

Melissa - posted on 07/15/2012

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date night once a week 2 hours of alone time ! it does help to talk to a counselor once a week ! Husbands dont understand so just explain to him all you need is him to hug you and let you know he will stay right by your side. Medicines wont work b y their self so its important to speak to a therapists or something. I have been through this and it does pass if you make the time for it. If you dont want to go in public on date night get your husband to get a movie and watch it - anything that lasts a couple hours w/o kids. These are things I did and it helped. Also, take 30 min. a day for your self the kids can get busy w/ a movie or cartoon ... something? but you pamper yourself by soaking in a bubble bath and doing your nails or in another room watch some soaps. just make that time about you. Do all this and you will get better its not hopeless. If you need to chat or something just message me .... plz dont hesitate! get your doc to send you some list of therapist or counselors asap! Good Luck!

Norvella - posted on 07/15/2012

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I felt this way, but what really helpped was exercise no joke, I got off my meds, exercised, take the kids to play outside and walk around and take time for yourself, helpped me so much

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