I have a 14 month old who sleeps in bed with us at night. I try letting her cry but she gets so upset she makes herself throw up and just wont stop. We have another baby on the way. any suggestions?

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Emily - posted on 03/22/2009

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Awww, poor little thing! You definitely can't let her get so upset that she throws up! how traumatic! Moving her out will take time. this might work for you- put a toddler bed by your bed and shen she is good and asleep transition her down into the toddler bed. She may wake up a lot at first and come back to your bed but she will also be getting used to sleeping in it. When is the baby due? I am all for cosleeping, but I would say in this case, if the baby is dues soon get a crib or cosleeper for the baby so she doesn't feel the baby pushed her out of mom and dad's bed.

Kathleen - posted on 03/24/2009

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Okay, so much for older and wiser. I just read a Mom's response that sent chills down my spine. It is certainly arguable that children will manipulate to the extent that they cause themselves to vomit (and I would argue that that is sooooo not true.) But for argument's sake, let's say it's true - if your child is willing to go to such desperate lengths to get your attention, call me crazy but maybe you should just give it to her/him? Mom's who start talking like their kids are out to get them tend to be stressed to the max and have lost perspective and the joy of being a mom along with it. When I hear of "successful" tough-love approaches, I can't help but think of babies in Kosovo orphanages who eventually knew not to bother crying anymore because they learned that nobody would be coming to comfort them. I want my child to learn empathy so I try to teach by doing.

Jaime-Lynne - posted on 03/24/2009

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Quoting Emily:

It makes me want to throw up just thinking about what you put her through. Who the hell ignores their baby's frantic screams that the child gets to point of puking? Thats horrible.



you should really keep your comments to yourself, you dont know the whole story, you have no idea how long she's crying, it could as short as 2 minutes before she throws up. 
This is a mother who is trying to do the best for her child and asking for suggestions, not criticism, so keep it to yourself.

Sarah - posted on 03/23/2009

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Read 'Save Our Sleep' by Tizzie Hall. Loads of experienced advice. This lady started putting local babies to sleep from when she was about 9 years old! She recommends moving a baby by 5 months to where you would like them to sleep for most of their babyhood, as babies mostly develop their sleep cycles after 5 months. She definitely says to move them well before a new baby arrives to minimise a room full of unsettled behaviour and as mentioned by others so your first bub doesn't feel the baby has moved them out. Read the book. Her baby sleep cycle and self-settling skills knowledge is amazing and makes sense. Good luck!!

Megan - posted on 03/23/2009

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I have four kids and we just had our last child 3 months ago. What helped us was we would have the child fall asleep with us then take to their own bed. They would wake in the morning and see that they had slept in their big bed. We would make a big deal about it, and after a while they wanted to sleep in their own bed. Every child is different. You just have to try everything:) Good Luck!

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Brandy - posted on 03/26/2009

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My kids have never slept in bed with us, but I used a bassinet until they were old enough to have their own rooms. My daughter never gave me any troubles about sleeping in her own room, but my son did. I set up a pack-n-play in our room and let him sleep in it for a little while. He didn't mind this because he was near us even though he wasn't in our bed. Eventually we did the same thing that Kimberly suggested. Now both my kids are happy in their own bedrooms.

Mel - posted on 03/26/2009

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Quoting Emily:



Quoting Melissa:

to all those who say the CIO method isnt good for babies that throw up not meaning any disrespect but my daughter threw up nearly EVERY bottle for the first 10 months of her life and is therefore at a low weight, she would cry for at least an hour before going to sleep and to the point where she made herself throw up. i





I am not sure I understand. Did your child have a medical issue that made her throw up after she ate;  because if so while I empathize with her that is not the issue here. This child doesn't throw up after every meal, she is throwing up when she is left alone to cry at night. I totally disagree with CIO but the fact that one supporter of Ferber's methods even stated that CIO is not at all appropriate for babies with the vomit response should show how wrong it would be to use that method with this particular child.






I really hope I am not correct in my interpretation that because you allowed your child to CIO til she threw up therefore she is now underweight.



 



No her low weight is due to not eating solids and being tube fed since 2 months old and being developmentally delayed





 

Tracy - posted on 03/26/2009

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Quoting have a 14 month old who sleeps in bed with us at night. I try letting her cry but she gets so upset she makes herself throw up and just wont stop. We have another baby on the way. any suggestions?



I had the same problem with my middle son.  I eventually put a matrass on the floor in my room next to my side of the bed.  This is the only way either of us got any sleep.  Eventually you need to bribe and encourage with star charts to get them into their own room.  He is 14 now and sleeps in his own room.  So dont stress do what ever works for both of you.  They all eventually sleep in their own rooms. 

Lesley - posted on 03/25/2009

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my little boy is 4 years old now he was the same it has only been 4 week now i have had him in his own bed i tryed everthing the best way i did it was put a chiar at the side of the bed and sit there till he went of for a week then the next week i moved to the door way then a bit more away i think he just need to now i was there and he was safe and if he woke though the night i would do the same thing but u need to keep it to them being in there own bed

Karen - posted on 03/25/2009

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well i have read most of these, and have to agree with those who have said that it is up to you and what you want, i ended up without an actual bed just matresses on the floor, i found everyone got a good nights sleep as i just rolled them over as they fell asleep, this didn't bother me or my husband (as they were my side of the bed anyway) then gradually they left to go into their own room of their own accord, hope you find your own way of coping with it as there is nothing worse to an already tired mother good luck

Ashley - posted on 03/25/2009

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I have a 15 month old daughter she began to have the same problem when she turned 1 what seemed to work with us was putting her to bed with some soft slow music on she would still cry for about 5 minutes but now she just goes straight to sleep also try to limit the amount of naps or length of naps she has through out the day my daughter now sleeps 11 hours a night and is awake all day maybe might take a 30 min nap at noon or 1.

Kelly ʚϊɞ - posted on 03/25/2009

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Quoting Emily:

It makes me want to throw up just thinking about what you put her through. Who the hell ignores their baby's frantic screams that the child gets to point of puking? Thats horrible.



Emily, All kids are different, my nephew makes himself throw up to get his own way, not because he's being "ignored" . Obviously she is getting her own way by doing this so why would she stop it?



 Jill, i have 3 boys and ive learnt that you have to be consistant no matter what you try. If you are putting her in her room to sleep and she  keeps coming out you just have to keep putting her back in there. It sounds horrible but this is how kids learn. If you give in after a certain time, they learn how far they have to push you before they get their own way. Eventually she will go to sleep and eventually they learn that they are big kids now and they have their own "big kid bed". It just takes persistance, even though you feel bad. Give her something to look forward to the next day, like going to the park or helping you do something and it will take her mind off being upset.

Michelle - posted on 03/25/2009

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You have to be strong with kids remember your the adult and in charge don't let your little one take charge of you. I have 3 kids my oldest slept with us until he was 3 and half as soon as our second child came he wanted to sleep in his own bed, but unfortunately they will always want to get in with you its warmer. my 10 years still does now.lol

Michelle - posted on 03/25/2009

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You have to be strong with kids remember your the adult and in charge don't let your little one take charge of you. I have 3 kids my oldest slept with us until he was 3 and half as soon as our second child came he wanted to sleep in his own bed, but unfortunately they will always want to get in with you its warmer. my 10 years still does now.lol

User - posted on 03/25/2009

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When I had this problem, I went out with my son and bought a sleeping bag that he used to sleep beside my bed in. He was still close enough to hold my hand and had a sleep over. After a few nights we told him that a sleep over was a reward for being good. If he was bad then he had to sleep in his own bed. A couple of days in his own bed he didn't want to sleepover every night. He liked the idea of having sleepovers as a special occation. Now he loves his own bed and his own space.

Erin - posted on 03/25/2009

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I suggest one night set aside to fight the fight. No matter what happens ie., vomitting, crying, fits. Stay adamant to your goal. I waited until almost three with my first born and it was so hard but..... it can be done. I've found that it was harder on me than on him. Most kids need to be introduced to self soothing as early as possible. From my mistakes I learned better sleep makes EVERYONE happier. Good luck no matter how you choose to tackle this. Just remember when it seems like giving up is the only solution dig in harder. You can do it!!!

Emina - posted on 03/25/2009

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just let her cry. it will be for 3 nights top. after she see that you are not reacting she will stop. eaven the habit is other she will learn to accept changes, and when you say something that you will be behind yor words and that she is the one to change her habit or what ever...

Tracey - posted on 03/25/2009

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Hi there i have a little boy who turned 4 in january this year and after 3 years of being in my bed i have finally managed to get him into his own bed. I found that laying him in his own bed and sitting in there with him untill he falls asleep. Every couple of days i move further and furthre away from him now after a long trying time (2 months to be exact) it now takes me five mins to get him to sleep and he is quite happy in his own bed and when he wakes through the nite i gently calm him give him a quick cuddle then put him back and slowly leave the room. I feel for u as i no how u feel. I'm not saying it will be easy god there were nights that i didnt think i was strong enough to do it but try and persever as it will be worth it in the end and it does work. A lso another trick i learnt whilst my boy was in hospital is try giving ur child something in her bed that smells like u its a form of comfort for them. I hope it works let me know how u get on xx

Claire - posted on 03/25/2009

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my son used to be the same what i done i put him in his own bed and laid with him till he fell a sleep i kept on doing itfor to weeks it will work you just got to persivere

Paula - posted on 03/24/2009

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my daughter did this until she was almost four years old. She'd also wake up with terrible night terrors -screaming and almost catatonic - that were very hard to bring her out of. When my second child was born, I made a point of putting him in his room/crib to nap from the day he came home. At first the two kids "shared" a room - we put the crib and a small twin bed in the room across the hall from ours. When baby was sleeping in his room, his big sister wasn't as scared - she'd go lie down to keep him company and fall asleep herself. Sometimes she'd crawl into my bed and fall asleep and I'd carry her, still sleeping, to her own bed and tuck her in later. Gradually she got more comfortable sleeping in her own bed - for a long time, she'd wake me up at three am every morning to crawl into my bed but eventually she spent an entire night in her own room. Then two... It took patient determination on my part because it was harder to make myself get up, put her back to her own bed and settle her down before I went back to sleep. Even now, every few months I'll wake up in the morning to find that both kids have crawled into our bed during the night - now they're savvy enough to make sure noone wakes up when they come in!

Kristine - posted on 03/24/2009

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my daughter did this also. I started to lay her on the couch with her pillow and blanket, and i sat at the other end. I'd tell her to go to sleep, If she moved to get up i'd tell her again to go to sleep, and lay her back down. It would take anywhere from 3 to 30 minutes to get her asleep and then transfered into her crib.. I started this at a year old, and in 3 months she went to bed on her own in her crib. A structured bedtime routine helped wonders also.. nine oclock on the dot she asks to go to bed.. Good luck with whatever u try.

No Nonsense - posted on 03/24/2009

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Let her sleep with sleep with you! When the baby comes buy a bigger bed. Children love affection. Its human nature. They will soon grow out of it. If it affects your love life continue to tell the child that they have a bed of there own and reasure them that your only a room away!

Melina - posted on 03/24/2009

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Same as what the others have said. I had my son in a porta cot in our room, and every time he would settle into going to sleep,(about a week) i would move him further out of the bedroom. eg. lounge, dining, hallway and then eventually his room. I continued all his sleeps in his own room. At the beginning when he first went into the porta cot, i gave him a teddy bear. He is very attached to his bear, and sleeps with it every night. I think this made the transistion smoother. Goodluck.

Danielle - posted on 03/24/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

In response to Veronika ... I felt a similar way until I had a 2nd child and still living in a 1 bedroom flat ... each and every parent has to consider their child/children but also themselves ... there is no point succumbing to a childs every whim if it leaves the parent/s exhausted or exasperated. I have 3 children aged 7, 5 and 3 and we are all in 1 bedroom. If I did not 'train' them in regular sleeping routines none of us would function on a day to day basis which would affect their schooling ... which in my opnion is far more important than 1/2 weeks of whimisical crying!! Strict but fair is the way forward.



I agree, Amanda... it isn't abuse to let your child learn how to 'self-soothe'. No baby died from crying itself to sleep.... and they really do learn fairly quickly to sleep soundly on their own. i live in a big city where child abuse/neglect is EVERYWHERE... those are really strong words to use!! There are parents that KILL their children, starve and beat them... I just don't think letting them cry to sleep is in the same ballpark, ya know?

Lori - posted on 03/24/2009

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My two boys are 2 1/2 yrs. apart and my oldest son went through the same thing. I tried relentlessly to get him to sleep in his own bed, but he got so upset that he too would throw up from crying so hard. I couldn't stand it. Basically, what finally worked was consistency with this routine: I would give him a bath, brush teeth, then read stories. I would then turn his light off in his room, but lay with him in his bed until he fell asleep. I would also tell him that he could come into our bed in the middle of the night if he wanted to, but he had to start out in his own bed. I would give him praise for being a big boy and talk about all the things big boys could do that babies couldn't. I told him how proud I was of him too that he was growing up. Gradually, I was able to progress from staying with him until he was asleep to leaving while he was groggy, but still awake, and finally leaving after only a few minutes with the light off. He is now almost 5 and he still comes into our bed in the middle of the night almost every night. I want him to know that we are always there if he needs us, he just has to start the night in his own bed. (It gets crowded, but we've gotten used to it.) I know that was a long response, but I hope it was helpful. Just take deep breaths and know that it does get easier!

Jenny - posted on 03/24/2009

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The Sleeplady, Kim West. I swear by her book. The former nanny mentioned her method. Although I must warn you, don't fall asleep on the chair, you could fall off. This would only happen once if it does : ). The only of advice is consistency!!!! Good luck, I've been there myself.

Kathleen - posted on 03/24/2009

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The whole issue of allowing a baby to cry or not is a real trigger for us moms, eh? As I have grown older and wiser I have learned that there are very few right and wrong ways as every child is different and every parent is different and circumstances change so I say, do what works for you and yours in the here and now and take ALL of our advice with a grain of salt!

Andrea - posted on 03/24/2009

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My son only did it once and then it was only a few nights later that he slept through the night.

Andrea - posted on 03/24/2009

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If you just clean their bed and put them right back in it they learn it is a lost cause to puke!  Kids are smart, and if you give in after they throw up they will try their best to do it again.

Shawna - posted on 03/24/2009

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you need to make a crib or bed a happy place, place your child in their bed throughout the day and pick them up and comfort them if they cry. I may be best to try naps in their bed first and build on that. at night time you can try putting their bed very close to yours and slowly move it away a little more every 2 or 3 days. Be patient, maybe some snuggling time together in your bed can become part of your bed time routine with a book and then into their bed. Good luck and keep trying.

Cory-Lei - posted on 03/24/2009

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I love T. Berry Brazelton's approach. He says to leave baby alone at first for 3 minutes. You only have to ignore it for that long. After the three minutes is up walk calmly into the room, lay baby back down if need, calmly say its ok but do not pick up baby. Then it gets trickier. Lengthen the amount of crying time. 5 min. 10 min. As long as it takes. Its hard work but with both my kids only took a few nights! Good luck!

Vanessa - posted on 03/24/2009

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ummm...my baby is the same..but i started lettn her fall asleep in the livin room ..then move her to her bed...and if she wakes up lay beside her bed..and pat so she knw u are still there...it helps my baby...

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2009

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You already have a lot of replies, with lots of advice...  but I will throw my 2 cents in, too.



 



I went through this when my daughter was 12 or 13 months old...  complete with the vomiting, which made "crying it out" out of the question for me.  I think it's inhumane to put a child that cannot understand what is going through huge changes out of the blue for days while they are forced to get used to it.  They can't be reasoned with yet and, if they are that emotionally intense, I think it's better to go gradually.  It takes longer, but it's not as painful.



First, I really recommend a sleep routine that you absolutely, positively, ALWAYS stick to.  A shorter version for naps helps.  Bath, snack, toothbrushing, books, songs, snuggling stuffed toys or a favorite blanket...  pick 4 or 5 things that make sense with your life and your child's needs.  Hopefully the animal or blaket will take your place as a comfort when the child wakes and needs to go back to sleep on their own.  Children look forward to the routine and know what it leads to.  Then back off gradually at the end when you put the child in bed.  I leaned over and snuggled some and rubbed her back for the first 4-5 days....  backing away and letting her fuss for a minute or two and each time coming back and reassuring her less and less until she was asleep.  Then I just rubbed her back, no leaning, and gradually backed off each time I came back to comfort her.  4-5 days later I just stood near her crib and after I kissed her good night I didn't touch her again.  Next step down was to sit in a chair near her bed for  a while and back away gradually.  Then I walked away after kissing her and came back to the chair when she fussed.   She didn't like it, but the more gradual change worked for her temperment and got the job done. 



This is what worked for my family.  You know your child and what they need.  If you need her to sleep on her own, make a plan, STICK TO IT, use it at bed and nap time, and think it through if it's not working.  You can make changes, but you have to stick with your plan for it to work.  No matter what you do, it will be a challenge.  askdrsears.com has some good advice if you want to try other gradual methods.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2009

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You already have a lot of replies, with lots of advice...  but I will throw my 2 cents in, too.



 



I went through this when my daughter was 12 or 13 months old...  complete with the vomiting, which made "crying it out" out of the question for me.  I think it's inhumane to put a child that cannot understand what is going through huge changes out of the blue for days while they are forced to get used to it.  They can't be reasoned with yet and, if they are that emotionally intense, I think it's better to go gradually.  It takes longer, but it's not as painful.



First, I really recommend a sleep routine that you absolutely, positively, ALWAYS stick to.  A shorter version for naps helps.  Bath, snack, toothbrushing, books, songs, snuggling stuffed toys or a favorite blanket...  pick 4 or 5 things that make sense with your life and your child's needs.  Hopefully the animal or blaket will take your place as a comfort when the child wakes and needs to go back to sleep on their own.  Children look forward to the routine and know what it leads to.  Then back off gradually at the end when you put the child in bed.  I leaned over and snuggled some and rubbed her back for the first 4-5 days....  backing away and letting her fuss for a minute or two and each time coming back and reassuring her less and less until she was asleep.  Then I just rubbed her back, no leaning, and gradually backed off each time I came back to comfort her.  4-5 days later I just stood near her crib and after I kissed her good night I didn't touch her again.  Next step down was to sit in a chair near her bed for  a while and back away gradually.  Then I walked away after kissing her and came back to the chair when she fussed.   She didn't like it, but the more gradual change worked for her temperment and got the job done. 



This is what worked for my family.  You know your child and what they need.  If you need her to sleep on her own, make a plan, STICK TO IT, use it at bed and nap time, and think it through if it's not working.  You can make changes, but you have to stick with your plan for it to work.  No matter what you do, it will be a challenge.  askdrsears.com has some good advice if you want to try other gradual methods.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2009

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You already have a lot of replies, with lots of advice...  but I will throw my 2 cents in, too.



 



I went through this when my daughter was 12 or 13 months old...  complete with the vomiting, which made "crying it out" out of the question for me.  I think it's inhumane to put a child that cannot understand what is going through huge changes out of the blue for days while they are forced to get used to it.  They can't be reasoned with yet and, if they are that emotionally intense, I think it's better to go gradually.  It takes longer, but it's not as painful.



First, I really recommend a sleep routine that you absolutely, positively, ALWAYS stick to.  A shorter version for naps helps.  Bath, snack, toothbrushing, books, songs, snuggling stuffed toys or a favorite blanket...  pick 4 or 5 things that make sense with your life and your child's needs.  Hopefully the animal or blaket will take your place as a comfort when the child wakes and needs to go back to sleep on their own.  Children look forward to the routine and know what it leads to.  Then back off gradually at the end when you put the child in bed.  I leaned over and snuggled some and rubbed her back for the first 4-5 days....  backing away and letting her fuss for a minute or two and each time coming back and reassuring her less and less until she was asleep.  Then I just rubbed her back, no leaning, and gradually backed off each time I came back to comfort her.  4-5 days later I just stood near her crib and after I kissed her good night I didn't touch her again.  Next step down was to sit in a chair near her bed for  a while and back away gradually.  Then I walked away after kissing her and came back to the chair when she fussed.   She didn't like it, but the more gradual change worked for her temperment and got the job done. 



This is what worked for my family.  You know your child and what they need.  If you need her to sleep on her own, make a plan, STICK TO IT, use it at bed and nap time, and think it through if it's not working.  You can make changes, but you have to stick with your plan for it to work.  No matter what you do, it will be a challenge.  askdrsears.com has some good advice if you want to try other gradual methods.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2009

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1

0

You already have a lot of replies, with lots of advice...  but I will throw my 2 cents in, too.



 



I went through this when my daughter was 12 or 13 months old...  complete with the vomiting, which made "crying it out" out of the question for me.  I think it's inhumane to put a child that cannot understand what is going through huge changes out of the blue for days while they are forced to get used to it.  They can't be reasoned with yet and, if they are that emotionally intense, I think it's better to go gradually.  It takes longer, but it's not as painful.



First, I really recommend a sleep routine that you absolutely, positively, ALWAYS stick to.  A shorter version for naps helps.  Bath, snack, toothbrushing, books, songs, snuggling stuffed toys or a favorite blanket...  pick 4 or 5 things that make sense with your life and your child's needs.  Hopefully the animal or blaket will take your place as a comfort when the child wakes and needs to go back to sleep on their own.  Children look forward to the routine and know what it leads to.  Then back off gradually at the end when you put the child in bed.  I leaned over and snuggled some and rubbed her back for the first 4-5 days....  backing away and letting her fuss for a minute or two and each time coming back and reassuring her less and less until she was asleep.  Then I just rubbed her back, no leaning, and gradually backed off each time I came back to comfort her.  4-5 days later I just stood near her crib and after I kissed her good night I didn't touch her again.  Next step down was to sit in a chair near her bed for  a while and back away gradually.  Then I walked away after kissing her and came back to the chair when she fussed.   She didn't like it, but the more gradual change worked for her temperment and got the job done. 



This is what worked for my family.  You know your child and what they need.  If you need her to sleep on her own, make a plan, STICK TO IT, use it at bed and nap time, and think it through if it's not working.  You can make changes, but you have to stick with your plan for it to work.  No matter what you do, it will be a challenge.  askdrsears.com has some good advice if you want to try other gradual methods.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2009

7

1

0

You already have a lot of replies, with lots of advice...  but I will throw my 2 cents in, too.



 



I went through this when my daughter was 12 or 13 months old...  complete with the vomiting, which made "crying it out" out of the question for me.  I think it's inhumane to put a child that cannot understand what is going through huge changes out of the blue for days while they are forced to get used to it.  They can't be reasoned with yet and, if they are that emotionally intense, I think it's better to go gradually.  It takes longer, but it's not as painful.



First, I really recommend a sleep routine that you absolutely, positively, ALWAYS stick to.  A shorter version for naps helps.  Bath, snack, toothbrushing, books, songs, snuggling stuffed toys or a favorite blanket...  pick 4 or 5 things that make sense with your life and your child's needs.  Hopefully the animal or blaket will take your place as a comfort when the child wakes and needs to go back to sleep on their own.  Children look forward to the routine and know what it leads to.  Then back off gradually at the end when you put the child in bed.  I leaned over and snuggled some and rubbed her back for the first 4-5 days....  backing away and letting her fuss for a minute or two and each time coming back and reassuring her less and less until she was asleep.  Then I just rubbed her back, no leaning, and gradually backed off each time I came back to comfort her.  4-5 days later I just stood near her crib and after I kissed her good night I didn't touch her again.  Next step down was to sit in a chair near her bed for  a while and back away gradually.  Then I walked away after kissing her and came back to the chair when she fussed.   She didn't like it, but the more gradual change worked for her temperment and got the job done. 



This is what worked for my family.  You know your child and what they need.  If you need her to sleep on her own, make a plan, STICK TO IT, use it at bed and nap time, and think it through if it's not working.  You can make changes, but you have to stick with your plan for it to work.  No matter what you do, it will be a challenge.  askdrsears.com has some good advice if you want to try other gradual methods.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2009

7

1

0

You already have a lot of replies, with lots of advice...  but I will throw my 2 cents in, too.



 



I went through this when my daughter was 12 or 13 months old...  complete with the vomiting, which made "crying it out" out of the question for me.  I think it's inhumane to put a child that cannot understand what is going through huge changes out of the blue for days while they are forced to get used to it.  They can't be reasoned with yet and, if they are that emotionally intense, I think it's better to go gradually.  It takes longer, but it's not as painful.



First, I really recommend a sleep routine that you absolutely, positively, ALWAYS stick to.  A shorter version for naps helps.  Bath, snack, toothbrushing, books, songs, snuggling stuffed toys or a favorite blanket...  pick 4 or 5 things that make sense with your life and your child's needs.  Hopefully the animal or blaket will take your place as a comfort when the child wakes and needs to go back to sleep on their own.  Children look forward to the routine and know what it leads to.  Then back off gradually at the end when you put the child in bed.  I leaned over and snuggled some and rubbed her back for the first 4-5 days....  backing away and letting her fuss for a minute or two and each time coming back and reassuring her less and less until she was asleep.  Then I just rubbed her back, no leaning, and gradually backed off each time I came back to comfort her.  4-5 days later I just stood near her crib and after I kissed her good night I didn't touch her again.  Next step down was to sit in a chair near her bed for  a while and back away gradually.  Then I walked away after kissing her and came back to the chair when she fussed.   She didn't like it, but the more gradual change worked for her temperment and got the job done. 



This is what worked for my family.  You know your child and what they need.  If you need her to sleep on her own, make a plan, STICK TO IT, use it at bed and nap time, and think it through if it's not working.  You can make changes, but you have to stick with your plan for it to work.  No matter what you do, it will be a challenge.  askdrsears.com has some good advice if you want to try other gradual methods.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2009

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You already have a lot of replies, with lots of advice...  but I will throw my 2 cents in, too.



 



I went through this when my daughter was 12 or 13 months old...  complete with the vomiting, which made "crying it out" out of the question for me.  I think it's inhumane to put a child that cannot understand what is going through huge changes out of the blue for days while they are forced to get used to it.  They can't be reasoned with yet and, if they are that emotionally intense, I think it's better to go gradually.  It takes longer, but it's not as painful.



First, I really recommend a sleep routine that you absolutely, positively, ALWAYS stick to.  A shorter version for naps helps.  Bath, snack, toothbrushing, books, songs, snuggling stuffed toys or a favorite blanket...  pick 4 or 5 things that make sense with your life and your child's needs.  Hopefully the animal or blaket will take your place as a comfort when the child wakes and needs to go back to sleep on their own.  Children look forward to the routine and know what it leads to.  Then back off gradually at the end when you put the child in bed.  I leaned over and snuggled some and rubbed her back for the first 4-5 days....  backing away and letting her fuss for a minute or two and each time coming back and reassuring her less and less until she was asleep.  Then I just rubbed her back, no leaning, and gradually backed off each time I came back to comfort her.  4-5 days later I just stood near her crib and after I kissed her good night I didn't touch her again.  Next step down was to sit in a chair near her bed for  a while and back away gradually.  Then I walked away after kissing her and came back to the chair when she fussed.   She didn't like it, but the more gradual change worked for her temperment and got the job done. 



This is what worked for my family.  You know your child and what they need.  If you need her to sleep on her own, make a plan, STICK TO IT, use it at bed and nap time, and think it through if it's not working.  You can make changes, but you have to stick with your plan for it to work.  No matter what you do, it will be a challenge.  askdrsears.com has some good advice if you want to try other gradual methods.

Amanda - posted on 03/24/2009

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In response to Veronika ... I felt a similar way until I had a 2nd child and still living in a 1 bedroom flat ... each and every parent has to consider their child/children but also themselves ... there is no point succumbing to a childs every whim if it leaves the parent/s exhausted or exasperated. I have 3 children aged 7, 5 and 3 and we are all in 1 bedroom. If I did not 'train' them in regular sleeping routines none of us would function on a day to day basis which would affect their schooling ... which in my opnion is far more important than 1/2 weeks of whimisical crying!! Strict but fair is the way forward.

Amy - posted on 03/24/2009

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Does she use a pacifier to fall asleep, my daughter still does but just to sleep. Also you could let her fall asleep with you and then put her into her own crib after she is a sleep.

Amanda - posted on 03/24/2009

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Persistence is the key .. I had a similar problem with my now 7 yr old when my 2nd daughter was due .... she did cry until she threw up and even went back to wetting at night however by not 'giving' in she eventually learnt that it was a fruitless operation!! When your 14 month old gets to that stage enter the bedroom as quielty as possible, clean up and explain that she still has to sleep alone. It wont be easy or quick but your child WILL eventually learn that behaving this way will not be rewarded with positive attention. Good luck :)

Veronika - posted on 03/24/2009

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Quoting Emily:

It makes me want to throw up just thinking about what you put her through. Who the hell ignores their baby's frantic screams that the child gets to point of puking? Thats horrible.


I have to agree with Emily.



I am disgusted. It sounds like child abuse to me. Why would you want to put your baby through that?



Shouldn't bed time be a positive experience?

Carrie - posted on 03/24/2009

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I think it depends on what you want. My Son slept in the bed with us and he was just two weeks shy of turning two when I had his sister. I left him in the bed with us and tried to let her sleep in her room. When she was about 2 weeks old I moved her crib into our room, took down one of the rails, pushed the crib against the wall and our bed right up next to her crib. She was technically "in her crib" but I was right there for feedings or if she wanted comfort in the middle of the night. When she out grew the crib she and her brother started sleeping together in his room. That lasted for about a year and she progressed to sleeping in her own room really on her own. They are now 11 and 9 and are sleeping fine on their own. I do get an occasional visitor in the middle of the night but they are too few and far between. If you enjoy having your child with you in at night, find a way to make it work with both. This time goes by so fast! If not, children are so resiliant, what ever you try will do no lasting harm. Have you tried laying down with her in her own room?

Adrienne - posted on 03/24/2009

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My son is 2 months and since he has been born I never put him in bed with me because I want him to get used to sleeping on his own. With the new baby try using a bassinet. I put his next to my bed so he is still near me. Hopefully once I put him in his crib it won't be a problem. My nephew is 1yr & a half & he refused to sleep in his bed for a week or 2 he kept crying but eventually got over it. Maybe try sitting with her in her room until she falls asleep

Olivia - posted on 03/24/2009

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Its easy to say you wont let the next one sleep with you, but when you need sleep, you cant think of another way.



You need your partner or someone else support for about 2 - 3 nights. Put your child to bed in their own bed awake at a routine time each night, have the bed/cot made with 2 sets of sheets and a mattress protector between each layer and old sheets/towels on the floor around the bed/cot. Have a cold wet face washer on hand, your child will cry but you need to stick it out, when you notice that she is working up to be sick, go in no eye contact, shhing her, wipe her face, quietly tell her to close her eyes and go to sleep, continue this as long as you can, if she is crying cause she is hurt, or truely distressed, stop this process and stay there and calm her. Once she is calm start the process again. If she does vomit, do not rush in to clean her as she knows this is what you will do and will continue to use vomiting as a way to get you in her room, leave her in it for about 10 - 15 minutes, longer each time she does it,  leave her on her bed as you remove one layer of sheets. Dress her in easy to change clothes. She needs to understand that vomiting is not going to work. This will take 2 - 3 nights at the most, this is what my son did at the same age, and it took 2 nights for him to give up. All the best.

Diane - posted on 03/24/2009

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Tough love! It sounds cruel but do not give in. Insist that she sleep in her on room. She will eventually stop crying when she realizes that this will not get her what she wants but check on her just make it a little longer intervals each time. Had this problem with my yougest son. There were times that we had to lock our door to keep him out. eventually he would stay in his bed without protest but we did make it a treat that in the morning he could come in for a short time to bond and cuddle. It is hard on a marriage to allow the kids to take over. If you are getting ready to have another nip it now or they will be running your house not you.

Kirsty - posted on 03/24/2009

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we had the same sort of problem when our lil one was younger, so i used to let her sleep with me to start with once she had fallen asleep, my other half or my self would then move her to her own bed. we put her into a todler bed instead of a cot at 18months, now she is 6 and hs been in her own bed since she was 2 but has to have her telle on to go to bed i just turn it off once a sleep, as like u dont like to listen to her screaming.anything for a easy night lol. but with my new lil one i let he sleep with me till 4 months as was breast feeding, then starting putting him in his own bed once i moved onto a bottle. and now is 6 months and sleepoing in own room so u will be ok and get there xxxx

Tabitha - posted on 03/24/2009

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I'm not sure if anyone suggested this book or not, but it's called the no cry sleep solution for infants and babies. It's absolutely amazing.



Personally I don't agree with the let them cry approach. I think it's cruel, in that book I mentioned there is a quote from another book describing a baby waking in the night.



"He awakes in a mindliess terro of the silence, the motionlessness. He screams. He is afire from head to foot with want, with desire, with intolerabel impatience. He gasps for breath and screams until his head is filled and throbbing with the sound. He screams until his chest aches, until his throat is sore. He can bear the pain no more and his sobs weaken and subside. He listens. He opens and closes his fists. He rolls his head from side to side. Nothing helps. It is unbearable. He begins to cry again, but it is too much for his strained throat; soon he stops. He waves his hands and kicks his feet. He stops, able to suffer, unable to think, unable to hope. He listens. Then he falls asleep again."



 



As for me, I am not willing to put my precious baby through that. I reccomend this book to anyone who can't just let their little one cry. Think of it this way, you nurse and rock your baby to sleep, they fall alseep in comfort and warmth in your arms hearing your heart beat, they are at peace. Then you lay them down, a few hours later they awake in a dark cold room, their mommy and daddy gone, they are frightened and confused. If that happened to you, you fall alseep in your warm bed and awake on the kitchen floor, would you not be worried and upset? And for a small innocent helpless baby, to just leave them, not comfort them, that is cruel. Parenting does not end at bedtime. Seriously read this book, it will help you. Good luck.

Aimee - posted on 03/24/2009

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Jill, there is a group here that you may want to pose your question to:
Attachment Parenting / Co-Sleeping Moms

Aimee - posted on 03/24/2009

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Perhaps a less conventional thought, but why would it be SO wrong to consider a king size bed? Really, compassionate parenting creates compassionate children...there are many families that have 'family beds'.

Just my thought...perhaps you could use her room for a parents cuddle room...just for now...

I'm sure the day will come that she won't want to sleep with you.

AND if not, you could start snoring to drive her out...

(I'm being playful, but honestly what is the real harm?)

Alida - posted on 03/24/2009

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hey jill!!



my son used to do the same thing until we got him a bed and all the toys of his favourite cartoon movie!!it can work just try with the stuff she likes and if she doesn't like it wait until she goes to sleep and move her to her bed she will eventually get used to it!!

Alida - posted on 03/24/2009

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hey jill!!



my son used to do the same thing until we got him a bed and all the toys of his favourite cartoon movie!!it can work just try with the stuff she likes and if she doesn't like it wait until she goes to sleep and move her to her bed she will eventually get used to it!!

Dayna - posted on 03/24/2009

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Post a reply! I would try laying down with your little one where ever the babe feels safe then after its a sleep put in there own bed, we had that with our middle and she still get's in bed with us at night.

Danielle - posted on 03/24/2009

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I have a friend who was dealing with teh same thing. She ended up putting the toddler bed in thier room so she got usd to the bed for awhile. When she did they ended up putting it back in hers.

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