I have a 15 year old that is now refusing to go to TAFE as she is over it. She is trying to finish year 10. What do I do?

MINA DIANA MURRAY - posted on 10/28/2012

Maybe you have communication problems , the thing is that you have to be sure to let your adolecent talk to you and the better way to know her feelings is by letting her express herself . Do not interrupt her, and try your best not to over react , even if she says something you dont want to heard . if you listen to her you will be able to find out what really concerns your adolecent.

MINA DIANA MURRAY - posted on 10/28/2012

Maybe you have communication problems , the thing is that you have to be sure to let your adolecent talk to you and the better way to know her feelings is by letting her express herself . Do not interrupt her, and try your best not to over react , even if she says something you dont want to heard . if you listen to her you will be able to find out what really concerns your adolecent.

Crystal - posted on 10/24/2012

When I started high school I was bullied so badly I had my first suicide attempt about 3 months after school started. It never ended and I was forced to just "deal with it" even after that experience. I did however find a plethora of clubs and hobbies despite all of the mental health issues that came with my continued bullying. Maybe she'll like photography, making music, writing, painting something. I loved making documentaries, playing the flute and piccolo, and writing poetry. I do all kinds of the things listed above to this day. Finding her "zone", the things that make her happy and relaxed will be so helpful. My grades went from C's and D's to almost straight A's for all of high school. I also attended counseling and I found no shame in it. There's a difference between a counselor and a Psychiatrist; counselors are there to listen, give you advice and guidance. Not shove pills down your mouth. Maybe explaining what exactly a counselor is will help her decide to go to one.

So, finding something she can do to escape her woes and a counseling are a great start. You really can't "fix" a problem till you know what it is. This is the best advice I have; take your time and care. Mental Health is serious

Hannah - posted on 10/23/2012

Hi. First of all, SHAME on everyone that has posted on here basically calling you a bad mother. I'm stunned by some of their responses & ignorance with respect to Bullying and just how devastating it's effects can be. Some children have committed suicide because of it. So to those responses that've completely ignored this aspect of your issue I'm just appauld.



FIRST & FOREMOST - IF SHE HAS BEEN OR HAS A FAMILY HISTORY OF HAVING ANY DIAGNOSIS LIKE ADD/HD, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION etc, Look at those things first with the help of a Dr. Your daughter is clearly struggling with something with relation to school. It could be an infinite number of things that it sounds like you or especially I am Not qualified to determine. Here's where I DO agree with some of the other comments. Your daughter's health is/must be your Priority. She's clearly having strong feelings about something that she doesn't want to tell you about. Additionally the use of phrases like, Whatever, I don't know, I'm over it, are generally used in place of a deeper answer or are used in avoidance of an answer, is usually a sign that they are dealing with something they can't handle, admit is occurring, admit that they're feeling or that they are subconsciously "protecting themselves from." For this reason alone YOU/MOM must get her to a person who is qualified to get the answers & give both you & your child the help you need. ON THIS ISSUE YOU DO NOT GIVE HER A CHOICE!!! There are reasons that children aren't given certain rights until 18 yrs of age! They may be coming into their own, developing their Independance etc but the point is that THEY ARE NOT THERE YET. YOUR FIRST PRIORITY HAS TO BE GETTING HER TO SOMEONE THAT CAN RULE OUT CERTAIN DANGERS, DIAGNOSIS, Etc. You wouldn't question for a second, much less give her the option of going to the hospital if she had an obvious physical injury. So don't do it now.



SECONDLY - With respect to the bullying, my daughter is in 7th grade this year & her first year in Jr High. Girls today are absolutely brutal. Unfortunately it's mental & emotionally abusive moreso than physical. If there is ever an incident that is supported by email, texting, FB or eyewitness, not only tell the school (copy Everything, Print It Out, save Voicemails) but file a POLICE report for harassment, libel, slander or whatever it can qualify under. This establishes a record of behavior, not just that benefit your child but other victims if issues continue. Also, you may find that the school takes NO action and may not even enter it into record.



THIRDLY - Homeschooling is an option but some people just don't understand that not everyone can do that (whatever the reason). If you can, then great! You're one of the lucky ones. I agree with extracurricular activities but would not do anything new until you rule out issues with a psychologist. With the aid of a professional you've gotta get her back in school. Just like her health, it's YOUR JOB TO SEE SHE GOES TO SCHOOL. I say with the aid of a pro because you don't really know why she's refusing. You most certainly don't want to forcibly surround her with something that could potentially be harmful. If she's not going to school, she's missing out on the work. Pick up that work each day & she's gotta do it & then return it to school. If necessary get a tutor (preferrably a teacher somewhere not a college student, classmate etc) to help her learn the new strategies when they're necessary. She CANNOT refuse to go to school & then just do whatever she wants. ALL ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES & even if there's an underlying issue, she's still responsible for the work.



SEEK OUT PROFESSIONAL SERVICES! Pediatrician if you have one or general practitioner. Make an appt for consultation between DR & YOU. WITHOUT YOUR DAUGHTER 1) Go over all these issues & concerns in detail. 2) If required by insurance, get a referral to a psychologist/psychiatrist (Dr will choose which). If no referral is required, make the appointment immediately. 3) It's going to take time to get things started & assessed. If your daughter is absolutely breaking down when it's time to go to school for the day or if there's other behavior going on, tell the Pedi or GP. Tell them you want her to continue with the school work even if she's not in school. There are Emergency agendas that can be put in place to allow your daughter the time to be assessed by professionals while still allowing her education to continue at home. It's called HOMEBOUND schooling. IT IS A FEDERALLY MANDATED LAW not a state mandated law. There is a 2 week timeframe limit with regards to when it can begin. Any pediatrician should be knowledgable on the issue. WARNING - The school has the right & will probably require compliance, to have your daughter assessed by their own team of psychologists etc. DO STILL GET YOUR OWN ASSESSMENTS BY DRS OF YOUR CHOICE. While you're waiting for appts etc, tell your daughter that you love her, you have to do what's best for her on every level & that if she refuses to go to school then she can't do it consequence free. Still responsible for doing the work. Let her know that you are there to support her physically & emotionally. That why you are open to her confiding & talking to you about anything, you can respect her choice not to. HOWEVER, she MUST then talk to a professional. She can know that she has choices but that YOU still are ultimately responsible for her health & well being. It's gonna be hard & it's gonna hurt if she rejects you but SUCK IT UP. BTW don't let her stay home & then do nothing all day or whatever SHE decides to do. Responsibility!!! If this turns out to be an issue with authority that's the worst thing you can do. Make her a schedule that follows the timeline she'd be on if she was in school. Assign her jobs to do at certain times (including but not limited to: school work, dishes, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, cleaning bathroom etc but don't let her leave the house during that time. She can't leave school if she's there, so she can't leave the house without a parent. I'd also avoid anything that may be perceived as a reward until you figure out the underlying issue or are directed to do so by a professional.)



GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS YA!

I'm not a professional, I have just had a lot of experience. Additionally while you need to take this seriously, don't freak out. I've seen situations where the kid can't see or hear well and are acting out because they're afraid of being embarrassed. It doesn't have to be a major issue but that's why you need to get her assessed. To rule out BIG issues or find the answer to something that seems big to her but may seem insignificant to us.

Anita - posted on 10/23/2012

Homeschool her. Give her lots of unconditional love. Let her meet with a psychologist to help her strategize on how she can respond to challenges in her life. Right now she needs nurturing and healing. School can wait. Help her find some hobbies to take her mind off the stress, like taking up a musical instrument, finding a craft she enjoys, sports etc. Give her choices in what she would like to do in her education. Sometimes high schoolers can take classes at a community college. This kind of setting might be less threatening as you have more mature students. If you have a religious affiliation, look for spiritual answers and spiritual healing. Listen to her needs and see if you can adapt to meet those needs.

Dee - posted on 10/23/2012

Ur the mother not a friend if yu want ur child to be stuipd then keep her out but your the parents so do whats best for her

Diane - posted on 10/23/2012

You are in charge, not her, and I'd start ripping away her favorite things, even make up if I had to, to get her into a counselor's office. Not having any education is simply not going to make her problems go away, and you are basically letting her run the entire household. Do you really think everybody in this big old world is responsible for her problems? Really? I still surprised you have't yanked her into a therapist's office, by simply allowing her to make all these runaway decisions like no more school. She sees no reason to go back to school? Well, a counselor can work on that one, since you aren't.

Terrie - posted on 10/23/2012

you need to put her in counceling. I was a product of bullying and there are still times when my self esteme suffers and I am now 43. You can give her a choice as to who to talk to, but as a 15 year old she is not yet capable of knowing what is best for her. In the state of Texas it is illegal to stop going to school at age 15 and the parent pays a fine for everyday the child is not in school. So you need to know what the laws are where you are at.

Tracey - posted on 10/23/2012

Annette, I was bullied from elementary school through middle school. And while everything looked ok on the outside in high school and college: I was a high achiever with friends, inside I was very crippled. I ended up making some choices in later college that I would not have made if I'd not felt deep down inside that there must be something wrong with me that made me a target. I *knew* in my head and I supposedly had all this proof that I was a role model type kid, but in my heart I felt like there really must be something about me that was awful so that I deserved the treatment. This girl that just killed herself in Washington state last week was originally the same type: competitive gymnast and dancer, good grades, lots of friends, one of the "cool kids". I was, too. And yet through the bullying I became an emotional cripple who dated the wrong guys, let one of them talk me out of continuing my college major through grad school and completely altered the course of my life because of my lack of self-confidence. So don't assume your daughter is "stronger" because of it. Sure, some areas of my life were strengthened, but others were wrecked and the damage didn't become apparent until years down the road.



So I say by all means to the OP, pull your daughter, do private education at home online or through a co-op, and get her counseling. Oh, and I didn't purposely mark the original post funny--my computer sometimes sends the cursor around while I'm typing and it marked it and I don't have a way to cancel it.

Star - posted on 10/23/2012

She may feel like she doesn't need to see a counselor; it sounds like her self esteem is low. I would make an appointment with a family counselor, then I would tell her "we are going to see a counselor"; I wouldn't give her an opition to say if she wants to go and tell her to try at least six visit before she calls it quit!



As far as school talk with her again try to get to the root of the problem, then I would tell her that she "will go back to school" and that she can't run away from ALL her problems, there will be other challenges in life and sometime as hard as it may be we must face the problem head on. Tell her she can do and what those kids same don't matter and that she can do this!

Annette - posted on 10/23/2012

I don't know what TAFE is but having her avoid going to school is the last thing you want to do. My daughter, who is now 21, was bullied all through middle school. I can't tell you the amount of times she called me at work crying and even her teacher who witnessed it would call. That was before bullying was the issue that it is now so we pretty much weren't getting any help from the school. There were times I came close to going down there to tell those girls off myself. Ugh - just thinking about it now makes me so mad. Girls are so mean! She ended up confiding in this wonderful teacher. This teacher would keep an eye on her and even let her eat her lunch in her office if she wanted to. On more than one occasion, these girls trapped my daughter in the bathroom. I got to apoint where I was telling my daughter to do or say whatever it took to make these girls realize that she wasn't going to be bullied, even if it meant that she was expelled or got detention or anything. Of course I didn't want her to get into a fight but I wanted her to not back down from them! You also need to tell her (which I'm sure you have) that NOTHING they do or say is worth hurting herself or worse. She just needs to let them know that they don't affect how she feels at all! Eventually, once my daughter got in 11th grade, it wasn't much of an issue but even today, when she has papers to write for school and can pick an topic, she picks bullying and how it affected her. Every once in awhile she'll run into one of these girls and they'll talk to her and act like nothing happened. Luckily, my daughter is a big enough person to let it go, whereas I would tell them off!

Cassi - posted on 10/23/2012

I would check into online schools such as Connections Academy and k12.com. These schools are accredited public schools that allow the child to go to school online from the comfort of home. Learning is fun for them, and there is no more bullying. There are clubs and gatherings that can be attended with other students from the local area.



I put my autistic son there, due to bullying reasons. We get schoolwork done in about 3 hours a day, and it doesn't matter when you do the work. My daughter was pulled out of school due to bullying after she had 3 visits to crisis hospitals. She is in college now, and happy.

Chris - posted on 10/22/2012

DDon't give her a choice about seeing a therapist. My daughter wasn't thrilled about going to see one till after a couple apps. But it has helped her cope with not only the bullying but with not everything going her way she is alot easier to deal with now and happier. I wish you luck.

Mia - posted on 10/22/2012

There r laws against bullying, I would take charges out against these girl's, bottom line.

Amy - posted on 10/22/2012

I would highly recommend Online High School. Then have her participate in an activity ( something she likes of course) for the social interaction outside the home with others her age. This may help her situation out and if she needs help. The teachers and other students online can help or she can get a tutor. Good luck!

Sheila - posted on 10/21/2012

There are some help website that I could suggest. I am not sure where you live buy at least you will have resources to look at. CAPSLI.ORG is the first website I would suggest researching. The second is TOLERANCE.ORG. Both website have people you can speak to tolerance.org can offer you legal help as well. No child should not feel safe going to school and it is the schools responsibility to ensure that every child feels safe and is safe. IF you are afraid there is always http://www.k12.com/ see if your state allows online school it may be free in your area.

Trician - posted on 10/19/2012

She really must see a counselor. You are the mom and you need to step up and make these decisions. A similar thing happened to my niece at 15. Her mom was lax on parenting....didn't want to push her away. She dropped out at 15 and now sits around doing nothing all day at age 18. She's never had a job. She's never obtained her high school equivalency. She's just a druggie who never plans on doing anything and my sister puts up with it. You need to be firm now because she has a very long, potentially painful life ahead of her. I'm sorry to be harsh, but if you don't step up the tough love now it will ruin your daughter's life!

Anne - posted on 10/17/2012

i have just rang my local member of parliament and have explained everything that has been going on with the bullying with my daughter and how the school and the police are not doing there jobs to protect my daughter, mrs noreen hays local mp here in wollongong is right against bullying and is now going to help me, i think everyone should contact there local member of parlliament and let them know whats going on, i have also rang the school liaision officer and he is now looking into the problem, i have told them if nothing is getting done to stop the bullying im going to call the tv station a current affairs and make one hell of a story of this...to many young children taking there lives or missing out on there education and going down the wrong track because of bullying..it just has to STOP...i will not stop looking for answers to help my daughter or any other child that is been bullied....

Tracey - posted on 10/17/2012

Homeschooling is NOT "finishing school"/dropping out of school. My son just sat for his PSAT exams today (a pre-college national exam used for qualifying for college and scholarships in the U.S.) and he's never been in a classroom in his life. Here, at least, colleges and employers *prefer* homeschoolers because these kids have never been able to cheat off of someone else, or hide behind the person sitting in front of them so someone else is called on. Employers and colleges know that kids have had to learn how to be self-starters and learn on their own. They also have to pass exams like the one my son just took on their own, so there's no use in a parent fudging grades--if they show straight As but then score extremely poorly on the tests, they won't get into college or get the job they're applying for. So there's little to no cheating--if a homeschooler's transcript shows a good grade for something, chances are it's legitimate.



Nor are they unskilled socially. My son also went to two proms last year (like an annual ball for students, the biggest social event of the year). He was invited to one at a prestigious school by not one but two girls and went with both, and then he went to the biggest homeschool ones in our state, in an elegant private club in the capital, at which half of his table seating was from his rival football team and half from his own team--not a single fight, not even an argument, because these kids are socially and emotionally more mature than their age-mates, having been taught to behave by adults and not by the example of other kids.



The myth of the lonely homeschoolers, either locked in their room all day wearing 10-year-old fashions and being too scared to look at anyone, or playing video games all day, is just a tired old myth that is cited far too often by otherwise intelligent people. If the OP needs to homeschool her daughter, her daughter will benefit from it, especially if she finds a couple of homeschooling support/field trip or even co-op class groups.

Janet - posted on 10/17/2012

Life's not always easy and if you ask most high schoolers (past and present) about their years at high school most will say it was tough and they wished at the time they didn't have to go.But no matter whether she's at school or work there will always be people she doesn't get along with, school is not just for Maths and English its where we learn most of our social skills, how to deal with conflict and to tolerate others. You've already made compromises for her by enrolling in TAFE, so she has no other choice but to complete her year 10 there. As a responsible parent it is your job to make sure your child is equipped with enough education so as an adult she will not be a burden to you or society eg: claiming welfare for extend periods. And yes you'll have plenty of resistance yelling matches and fights and she'll tell you how you don't understand, that's life with a teenager when their not getting their way. She's not mature enough to make such an important decision about her future, that's why you her mother, must insist she does what you say.

MaureenRose - posted on 10/16/2012

Simple, give here the following options; school, tafe, work our find somewhere else to live. If she's old enough to chose not to go to school then she's old enough to go to work. Don't molly coddle her or she'll just keep pulling out of things. A little tough love is probably what is needed

Diane - posted on 10/16/2012

Home school? Finishing school was never a choice for my children, and one of them was a true handful. Trouble at high school, trouble at TAFE, sounds like she's pushing your buttons.

Christina - posted on 10/16/2012

My daughter has ADHD, ODD. And she speaks her mind. No matter who it is.



I have a 15 yr old. She was bullied for 3 yrs at middle school. I brought in the police when she was beat up at the bus stop by a 17 yr old. THEY DId nothing.



Then she was bullied tossed dwon stairs, thrown into lockers. She went to the principal and councelor. GOt oh if we catch the kids doing it.



So I brought in the superintendent. My daughter and I spoke at area meetings. They told her to report it and they take care of it.



Sounded great. Finally a solution.



Well my daughter was talking with her hands. And she got a bully in the face. The bully told. yes my daughter got 3 days in school. Ok understand that.



Then 3 months later that bully jumps her tries to send her thru a glass display case. My daughter and her both told. My daughter got 5 days in school. The other girl got nothing. My kid didn't defend herself.



So that night I removed her from the school. She has gone to online schooling. she loves it her grades are better. She has fun. I wouldn't do anything else.



Yes she still has her close friends and they talk and get together. My daughter actually have more friends because of no city alliance.



------

Everyone thinks it begins in the middle school years. Honestly my kindergartner got bullied at the lunch room table. The kid came up to her shoved her, called her names.



She said he the one mommy. She says I did nothing to him. She would cry. Finally we went to the office. NO HELP. Former Middle school principal.



Then this last year my daughter started to have melt downs at school. HATED IT.



Found out it was that kid. They did nothing about it. They wouldn't even keep them apart. He was at her table.



One of her melt downs resulted in having the police called because she wanted to leave and go home. She was at the main sidewalks when he walked out and coughed at her. She saw the officer and returned.



I was called an hr later. During this time I found out 2 months later. the principal had restrained her.



Needless to say she is also homeschooled. She has severe ADHD, ODD , sizures, weak muscles due to a stroke.



-------------

My son last year I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't ride the bus. Turned out it was the next door neighbor's boy messing with him. I got told one day by meeting him at the bus. The boy called him names *for some time this was happening*.



My son called him a bad name. I dealt with that.



Well the next day the boy had the nerve to tell me infront of my son's speech therapist. That my son had called him a bad word.



I told him I knew what my son did. And I know that it is cause he called him names.



The therapist took the boy to the office. The principal called the boys mom and she came and got him.



They play now.



My son is a A+ student. He don't show his ADHD or ODD at school. Perfect student. Actually told his teacher she didn't teach him anything in 2nd grade.My son has speech apraxia where he is missing vowels in his speech.



-------------



The schools was upset with my son leaving. But didn't care if the girls left or not.



THey are all in k12. I love it. The kids enjoy it. They are out in the community and have all age friends.

Christa - posted on 10/16/2012

My son is soon turning 17,and has been bullied most of his life. Nothin works from keeping the others from doing this. So this year I have inrolled him in homeschool.

Check and see what's there in your area, MAKE her get councilling. It's our jobs as their parent to make sure they are taken care of! Best of luck!

Leslie - posted on 10/15/2012

I am an on-line teacher and we are seeing more and more students that are being bullied coming to us for their education needs. These kids do so well outside of the traditional setting and at home where there are no distractions. I live in Florida and teach for Florida Virtual School we do have a global division where we have students in all 50 states and in 57 different countries. This might be a good option for her, check with the school district to see what options you might have regarding on-line learning. You can check out our global department at www.flvs.net/global if you are not a Florida resident.

Tricia - posted on 10/15/2012

i have my 16 year old grandaughter...she came here because she was being bullied...she is way behind in school...now she refuses to do anything...i, also have asked her to pleeeeaaaase go to counseling...nope...she won't...she has no phone now...none of us will pay it...she babysits...my husband and i told her to save her babysitting money and pay for her own phone...then it would really be hers...she won't do that either...so if you find help, please help me...she says she's going into the army when she turns 18...which is like a year and a month...she won't the way she's going...thanks soooo much

Nancy - posted on 10/15/2012

IIn Tennessee, it is against the law to drop out before you are 17, and then only with parental permissions. I thought it was that way everywhere. There are other options. She can homeschool online or take her GED. Tell her if she doesn't pass the GED, she has to go back to school. That way, she will study and do her best.

Dove - posted on 10/15/2012

I know I gave a pretty 'harsh' answer when I first responded, so I want to add on a bit.



Homeschooling IS school, so is an acceptable alternative if it comes to that. It just sounds a bit in the op like this girl is 'running away' from her problems already... which doesn't solve anything. If she starts and keeps up on the homeschooling... that's great for the education aspect, but there is still the mental/emotional aspect that NEEDS dealt with.... and I'm speaking from experience as someone who 'quit' everything at 15.... and had to restart my entire life in my 30's. Not so 'easy' to do it at that point when 'you' are all you have to rely on and have your back.

Anne - posted on 10/15/2012

i am so glad that im not alone with a bullied 13 year old daughter, this is her first year of high school and for the past 6 months she has been bullied, had a full can of drink poured ova her head and it was video recorded on a phone and sent to youtube, from this it went to been pushed down the school stairs where other children could of been hurt to, than to be told my daughter will have her throat cut and her head jumped on if she go's to school, many times i have been to the school and to the police with this, only to be told by the school thay will try and seperate the girls which there in diffrent grades and the police say we will go and talk to the girls, this is not bloody good enough, if i was to bully someone or threaten them i would be charged and posibillity jail...my daughter tells me that she is sick and cant go to school or i get phone calls stating to come pick my daughter up from sick bay and take her home....wot the hell is going on with these schools...there is a law about bullying and no body is doing anything about it. my daughter is failing wif her schooling and had many days off. this will torment her for the rest of her schooling years if not stopped, she now wants to go live wif her dad an hour drive away im not giving up my daughter after 13 years of raising her on my own, i have an avo order on the mother now she has her daughter starting crap wif my daughter at school, my daughter deserves an education and she will have one wif out the bullying, even if it means i sit outside her class everyday to make sure no harm comes to her, i feel like knocking some sence into the mother but been a druggo and has no respect for her kids let alone someone else this wouldnt work and violence isnt the way...i feel so sorry for my daughter and other children going through the same thing as my daughter just breaks my heart, calling the police or complaing to the school is only making matters worse, i have now told my daughter to defend herself against these bullies, we have had to change all our phone numbers due to prank calls, food orders, taxi's, ect ect turning up to my home, the family have sence been moved out of the street but the problems still remain at the school, how many more children have to die as a result of bullying its not a bloody joke anymore this is real serious and has to stop. im sitting here wif tears in my eyes just thinking of wot tomorrow will bring for my girl at school. there must be something all us parents can do....sending big hugs to all the parents thats going through the same thing as i am right now wif our children....now matter how old thay are there our babys....

Shauna - posted on 10/15/2012

High school is an unnatural, segregated, peer driven, low supervised environment that mimics nothing of how healthy grown-up life works. I'd personally never let my kids go to high school. My teens can work part time jobs, attend homeschool, community college, and participate in homeschool co ops.

Fawzia - posted on 10/14/2012

I tell you what listen to your child first and investigate some kids are more fragile and some are threatened by other kids and see what is best for your child....One of my daughter's was groped by 4 boys and did not tell me till the school called me and when i went in i didn't know why and to have all the kids there and my daughter she was to embarrassed and cried in front of the parents and gropers they thought it was bloody funny ....We did so much for the school instead they said forget about it and my daughter will get over it she still hates that school today and she is 26 .....The Principal of another school said to call police and i called the school board and they threaten to close the school and apologize but damage done ....My daughter would get anxiety when she saw these punks and i went up to them and told them off they felt so small in front of people....In yesterdays paper a girl posted on youtube what happened and she took her life she lives here in Mapleridge .b.c.......Don't let anyone say your child is trying to make skip school but she will get an Education and my children are so glad that i listen to them you will have more problem in the future like i did not listening ....take care

Lisa - posted on 10/14/2012

She needs an education. If she wont' go to school then check out other alterternatives. Here in NH we have Virtual learning Academy that is classes online. Check into if they have it for your state.

As for the counseling your are the mother and if you say she needs to talk to someone, then off she goes. It is not her call. Tell her,she gets her but to school or another program and if she refuses then it is off to counseling.

I work in Human Services and have seen this time and again. There can be many causes: bullying, anxiety over social situations, problems with her understanding the classwork and the list goes on and on. By allowing her to make the decision you are giving her the power that a 16 year old shouldn't have. You are mom, put your foot down and make a stand but whatever position you take follow through. If you don't follow through, you give her the power right back.

It also sounds to me like you might all benefit from family counseling to get through this.

Good luck.

Fawzia - posted on 10/14/2012

Home Schooling is the best !! the same with my two children and they can go back the last year for prom and if not she can take her GED in collage ....Make sure, you take your child for counseling and if you''re in Canada they can come under the Mental Health Act but you don't have to put them on a " resame for working" and they can also apply for disability from the Government etcif you have a good doctor and counselor and you wouldn't believe all the help you can get and for free ....

If you're in B.C. you go through Sunny Hill Hosp and it comes under children's hospital but have to see a specialist about a referral ...they do the assessments and this way any school takes extra precautions ...

Also get the police involved and make sure no threats on her life but i would not send her back ....

My son has severe anxiety when he was in grade one and they didn't believe him i just pulled him out and he goes for counseling once a week but mention school it brings it on ....see if you keep her home what happens ....check your state/province how to register for home schooling and you know your daughter is safe....take care all the best,Fawz

Brandy - posted on 10/13/2012

I feel that mental health is even more important than education. To encourage her to choose to engage in counselling perhaps you can make a deal with her. If she goes to counselling 1-2X per week (availability in your area?) and continues 1-2 courses via online or distance learning, you will allow her to leave school for the remainder of the term/semester. This at least gives her a chance to have some control over her life. During counselling she can discuss what the best thing for her to do is, in terms of her education.



FYI I pulled my eldest boy out at 16 and it was the best for him at the time. On the other hand there's no way I'd have let my daughter quit when having issues at 16. She's going to graduate this year and in her last year, is more involved than ever before!



Good luck! You're a good mom to try to think out of the box and do what's right for your child.

Virginia - posted on 10/13/2012

As a child I refused to go to school. I was emotionally tortured by the kids in middle school. If she refuses to go there is a reason! If you do what those parents says & force her to you will have a runaway or worse! Find out what alternatives there are like home schooling on the computer etc. Love her, accept her & trust that there is a reason she is saying this. In time she may be able to share all the painful stories. Take it from a mom who at 14 years old left home permanently as a runaway. Love & hugs

Beth - posted on 10/13/2012

I totally agree with Dove and Janice...she must go to school and can't quit just because she has no reason...there is a reason...make her go to counseling and don't give her a choice. If she doesn't want to go to school tell her she has to get a job and pay her way. I had horrible teen age years and I was miserable...I have already decided I will homeschool my kids if it ever comes to that for them. Fortunately they are young yet and doing well in school. My 10 year old had a very hard 4th grade year last year and I said if this year didn't improve I would take him out. He is doing so well. He seems to have grown and matured over the summer months off school. Both my boys have autism and Braxton needs to be in school where they can provide more services for him than I can but Keegan is less affected but is socially very delayed but like I said this year is better. Look into homeschooling for your daughter. Here in Wisconsin in the states the school district provides a computer and everything for the kids that homeschool and there are get togethers with other homeschool families

Tracey - posted on 10/13/2012

You say she has "no reason", but it sounds to me like the bullying is really scaring her (or the potential of it getting bad again), and she may feel like you're not taking it seriously. She may feel like her only option is to not be in school at all.



Please listen to her on this. And tell her that in Australia, not being in some form of school is *not* an option for a few years yet, *by law*, so she'll need to be homeschooled, which is *legal*. Here's the Homeschool Legal Defense Association's page about homeschooling in Australia--note all the news articles on bullying being on the rise in Australia! It also covers the law there : http://www.hslda.org/hs/international/Au...



Just be assured that if you take this route, you're in good company. There are thousands of homeschoolers, and we have clubs, co-op classes, sports teams, drama clubs, orchestra, kids succeeding in going to college--just about everything you'd see in a government school--except the bullying.

Sharon - posted on 10/12/2012

There are definitely on-line learning options for your daughter. My friend's 14 year old has just started one. Get in touch with the Education department to find out your options.

Jodee - posted on 10/12/2012

ok you mentioned TAFE so im guessing your in australia . ring the edcation dept maybe she can get her learning on line, you know the law is changed she cant leave school till you are 17 un less you have fulltime job ,maybe she could get an apprentiship now is abt the time many ppl are looking for young ones to train up ,

i have an almost 15 yr old who had troubles withh bullys in yr 7, maybe tafe is nt good lot of troubled kids go there, maybe you can get her into a school out of area past bully probls at old school could make for an easy entry , plus new school no ones her fresh start goodluck and give your girl a hug

Dawn - posted on 10/12/2012

I have a 15 yr old son who gives me issues,but I always tell him do u wanna be a drop out and in jail or running streets.he says no I want to graduate n get a good job.so he has went from f's to b/c in school n kids pick on him but then stop b c he is 6 ft2 and says nothing to them anymore n walks on. It's not worth the fights,tell someone about it before she gets more worse.

Dawn - posted on 10/12/2012

You can enroll her in home school,or night classes for her ged.

Janice - posted on 10/12/2012

Given the stories we keep hearing about bullying in the news (the latest -- Amanda Todd (look her up on Youtube -- HEARTBREAKING) I can completely understand why you would have switched schools. I am so sick of stories of teenaged bullies -- I can't believe how cruel they can be. It sounds like your daughter may have some issues that stem from that. As for the counselling -- I would say offering is not good enough. She's 15 -- she's under your jurisdiction. You should force her into counselling, because she may be dealing with a lot more than she's willing to discuss with you. The teenage years are full of angst and anxiety, and therapy can only be beneficial. As for school -- she has to go. She is a minor. It's against the law for her not to attend school at her age (at least in Canada -- I'm not sure where you're located). If she's having issues at school -- talk to a counsellor and the school's guidance counsellor. You want to make sure she's not facing issues you haven't really heard about (if the bullying is extreme, for instance). Otherwise -- she really does have to toughen up. School's not fun...hard work's not fun...but it's character-building to face some adversity. It's hard facing daily fights with your kid...you've got to wonder why she's pushing back so much...so try to determine the root cause. (I know I was bullied in high school but never told my family -- I was so ashamed). But she has to get an education. Or you are going to deal with issues with her for the rest of your life, because she'll never stand on her own two feet. (Trust me -- I know all about this first-hand. I have a 36-year-old brother who dropped out of his Phd program some years ago, and he's been living hand-to-mouth for years. He's just so scattered -- and given my mom died, I'm the one he turns to for help/cash ALL the time.). The adolescent brain isn't fully formed until a child is 25 -- she can change and you can help her. But you'll have to be strong -- for both of you.

Dove - posted on 10/09/2012

Tell her she needs to have her butt in school or she'd better get a job and start paying rent. School is her JOB until at least high school graduation and if she's not going to do her job... then she'd better get a real job and start supporting herself.



That's my first instinct at least. I think pulling her out of school when there was a bully issue could've been a mistake (though certainly an understandable move). She may now think that whenever she has a problem she can just 'quit' and it'll go away. Unfortunately the real world doesn't work that way and better she learn that NOW while under your roof than to have reality bite her in the butt as an adult.



I'm sorry. I wish I knew what else to say.