i have a 21 month old boy and a 6 month old girl

Brianna - posted on 07/30/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my son is very abusive toward his sister and i have tried everything. and nothing is working. i dont treat one better than the other. i pay equal attention to both. i'm really worried, what do i do?

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Rebecca - posted on 08/03/2009

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Try (I know it is hard!) to find some time to give to him as his special time - before the bad behaviour happens. I know when we are going through a rough patch behaviourally with my eldest, often I will sit back and realise she and I haven't had as much one-to-one time as usual. I make a point of reading/going for a walk/playing with her more often and the difference is obvious. Not a miracle cure, but a nice way to bring back some positive. (And if it means the dishes don't get done or you eat sandwiches for dinner that night - so be it!)



It is hard work - hang in there!

Maha - posted on 08/03/2009

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Hi there try to get your son be involved in helping you out e.g when you need to change baby's diaper by bringing you the stuff,make him feel useful and that he's helpful it worked with mine and wish you lots of luck,strength and patience.

Letha - posted on 07/30/2009

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sounds like he has a jealousy issue, i have 3 boys 7, 4, and 2. been there with the abusive part with all of them, now the 2 yr terrorizes the others. My advice which really worked for me, I involved my two older ones as much as possible even with feeding and bathing, while letting him help i would talk to him how very special he is for helping and it's his job to be nice to his siblings and to protect them. I would also encourage gentle play or touch and let him know that his sister is special just like him and he has to be easy with her because she is just a baby. Let him help feed her a bottle or have hubby fix it and have your lil one bring the bottle to you and you can help him feed her. The more involved he is on what it takes to have a baby the more he is likely to understand with actions more so then words. you may have noticed an increase in tantrums and that is only b/c he see's his sister crying and then mommy or daddy going to her when she does, it's cause and effect, children pick up on alot. my two year old see's and hears the other two tattling, so when my hubby irritates him he comes and tattles on daddy..it's cute as pie really but it's also an example of what kids see and hear, and inadvertly use to their advantage. encourage helpfulness and gentle play let him hold her with you there by his side you are going to have to show him alot, but in long run, big brothers are important and you should share that with him. Hope this helps.

User - posted on 07/30/2009

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I only have a 10 (almost 11) month old daughter at the moment, but I am expecting baby #2 in January.

However, I used to babysit quite a bit, and the trick I used with my older children when they had a younger sibling was this: If they were very good and kind all morning, when the baby went down for a nap, we would do something together that we couldn't do when the baby was awake (get out toys that had very small parts, ice cream sundaes, etc). However, they had to EARN this treat by being nice and helpful until it was time for our "fun time."

Good luck!

Abigail - posted on 07/30/2009

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Time out. Every time he is aggressive towards the baby - put him in a safe place, on his own for 2 minutes. If he gets up, put him back and add another minute on. Don't discuss it, just say "no" firmly and put him in time out. After he has sat for 2 minutes. go to him, talk to him and tell him he must not be nasty to his sister. If you do this every single time he shows any aggression, he will soon learn that this results in you removing your attention - which is what he wants. I also agree with Sharon, if he does do anything nice for her, then praise him to the skies. You could also try a reward chart where he gets a sticker for every nice thing he does for her.

Sharon - posted on 07/30/2009

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Time & Patience. When he misbehaves, lavish all your attention on the baby. Not one bit from him. When he does something nice, picks up the binky or dropped bottle or dangles a toy for a her, praise him like crazy.



My recollections of what a 21 yr old toddler is capable of are hazy but getting him to help is always awesome. Kids want to be included in everything.



Keep it up, be consistent, and do not tolerate even mildly rude actions.

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