I have a son who has recently just turned one and i am expecting another boy mid year. It is just me and my son at home at the minute and we have a fantastic bond but i am worried about how he'll react when the new baby comes along. Is there anything i can do now to prepare him?

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Lillian - posted on 01/17/2009

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Just try to include him in by allowing him to rub your belly and communicating as much as possible on a 1 year old leve!l:) My oldest daughter was 22 months old when I had my 2nd son. She begged me to take him back to where I got him from! I really feel that your son will be just fine and that he and his brother will have a wonderful bond!

Devyna - posted on 01/16/2009

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I have two boys that are exactly 16 months apart to the day, and the best advice I can give is this:



when my youngest arrived, I was the one who had the difficulty adjusting. I expected more of my older one and I think I forced him to do more than he was interested in doing at the stage that he was in. They are wonderful and close and everything that brothers should be because nothing can separate them. They are total best friends, but you be careful. It is physically trying and emotionally difficult to have them close together, especially with little help, if any. I don't know your entire situation, but I noticed that you said you and your son were the only ones home, so I just assumed. Give each of them as much individual time as you can and remember that your soon-to-be oldest son is still a baby. Try to make sure you allow him that.

Melissa - posted on 01/16/2009

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My children are 16 months apart & I'll never forget thinking I could ever love someone as much as I love my baby girl. Bringing my son home was really tough for my daughter. It wasn't until day 2 that she looked at him in the bouncy chair & looked at me & said "baby"? There's really no way to prepare them, as they're so young & babies themselves. I had a difficult time talking with my daughter, telling her the little guy just needed to sleep or just needed to lay there or just needed mommy. I have to admit, this time period is when my daughter became a #1 fan of Dora, hence TV. Once you make it through that 1st year, life gets a bit easier. They're playing together, giving each other hugs & kisses, & telling each other when enough is enough. I'm only assuming it'll get easier with time. Just try to love your 1 year-old as much as you can now, because once the baby is born, it'll take some time before you're able to dedicate a whole lot of time to the oldest. Best wishes.

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I adopted and my girls are 7 mo. apart.  I just try to be careful not to discourage contact from older baby.  She was curious about this new little bundle!  She learned to "pet" the  baby and now loves to kiss her.  I watch her closely when she interacts with the smaller baby, but she is in love with her.  Now that they are adjusted to each other it is completely fine.  I look forward to them being great friends.

Leslie - posted on 01/16/2009

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I must say Regina said it perfectly for our family too and ours are 16 months apart. I felt all the same things and since having Cade home for 3 months now its been great...



We try really hard not to seem to protective of Cade and Rylan understands that he is all of ours... she helps with the paci, throwing away diapers, telling us if he is dirty, she watched out for him. Its the sweetest thing.



Best of luck to you, your in for a fun fun crazy year!



I do have moments of guilt of not spending as much time wth him as I did with Rylan, of missing Rylan cause Im feeding Cade, etc. but its fine in the long run I know it. They will be so close..

Leslie - posted on 01/16/2009

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I must say Regina said it perfectly for our family too and ours are 16 months apart. I felt all the same things and since having Cade home for 3 months now its been great...



We try really hard not to seem to protective of Cade and Rylan understands that he is all of ours... she helps with the paci, throwing away diapers, telling us if he is dirty, she watched out for him. Its the sweetest thing.



Best of luck to you, your in for a fun fun crazy year!



I do have moments of guilt of not spending as much time wth him as I did with Rylan, of missing Rylan cause Im feeding Cade, etc. but its fine in the long run I know it. They will be so close..

Leni - posted on 01/16/2009

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If you have any friends with babies, invite them to have a playdate with you and your son. The more interaction with other babies he has, should help ease him into being a big brother.  Also, at his age, I don't think there is going to be as much trouble adjusting to a new baby as there would be in say a 2 or 3 year old.  They often have problems because they have been your baby so long, that they aren't willing to give it up without a fight.  Your son is still young enough that he probably doesn't know what's really going on.  Hope it all works out for you and congrats on the new addition!!

Regina - posted on 01/16/2009

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My 2 boys are 16 months apart. I acually felt guilty when I became pregnant, like I was not going to let my oldest be the "baby" long enough. My children are now almost 5 and 6. Boy did I not need to worry. I was afraid my oldest wouldnt understand where this other baby came from and why mommy was not just his mommy any more.But he just seemed to know from the beginning that my youngest was ours. (his included). He was Very protective of his brother. On one of the first checks up for my youngest my oldest cried when the nuse took his brother to weigh him and almost hit the nurse for taking him away from me to give him a shot I had to hold him back. They were shocked that he was so young and so protective. The next visit I felt guilty because I had to wait in the hall with my oldest while they gave my youngest his shots. My oldest was mad at me! I didnt have time to do all kind of special things with each of them so I just included my oldest in with everything I did with my youngest. He helped feed him if I was using a bottle. He threw away the dirty diapers, brought me what ever I needed. I was careful to not be to protective of my youngest around my oldest (within reason of course) I figured that if they survive the roughness of birth they will survive an older sibling. So to sum it up.... It will work out which ever way you handle it if not there is always counseling HA HA. My boys are still close and my oldest is a momma's boy more than my youngest. My oldest will not spend the night away from home (which is ok with me!) My youngest loves to spend the night with his cousin. My oldest cannot wait for his brother to return and the first tim he spent the night away I thought my oldest was going to have a break down. He woke up all night asking to call and check on his brother and woke up ready to go pick him up first thing the next morning.My youngest wouldnt even come to the phone he told my aunt I'm not GOING Home now.! My children are opposite in every way. But it works for us. Good luck

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I agree with what Wendy Shartzer Starr said. That worked with my boys as well. they are 26 months apart. Also, I want to add it seemed to help my oldest to help pick things out for the nursery. He was such the big brother when we needed help or his opinion on what to do (in order to get ready for the baby)...etc. I also read him 'big brother' books so he could understand on his level how things were going to change and how he should treat the new bundle of joy!!

Rebecca - posted on 01/16/2009

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My oldest children were born close together and I was worried how it all would fall into place too.  One of the mistakes I made was not teaching my first born to entertain herself.  I felt so guilty for another child so quickly that I spent every moment catering to her every whim and playing all the time.  I thought it would be great to get in all the extra bonding time before the new baby came and it was, but not without it's drawbacks.   She ended up with mixed feelings for her brother  and to this day at almost 11 she still has a hard time entertaining herself! :)  



Definately spend your quality bonding time but schedule in some alone time of play too as you won't be able to entertain all the time.  I also gave my daughter a babydoll to practice being gentle and quiet time for napping. I would tell her how she was gonna be a big sister and her little brother was going to need her help to learn things.



It is going to be an adjustment and it's usually not an easy one to be honest. But I promise it gets better!! The first year for me was really hard but after that it has been great.! They always have a playmate and the second one learns things quicker. (good and bad lol)



Just make sure to schedule in special play time with your child each day after new baby comes. Positive reinforcements go along way in the process!!

Amanda - posted on 01/16/2009

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get a doll and pretend it is the baby. put it to bed and feed him so ur son will get use to what is going to happen

Colleen - posted on 01/16/2009

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I would just let him be part of the process talk to him about the baby in your belly get him excited about it, about being a BIG brother, tell him about how he'll get to hold the baby, and teach him new things. Kids like to feel like they are going to be helpful.It will not be easy once the baby is born because baby's need a lot of your attention, but maybe make time in the week to spend with your older son or when the baby naps maybe do something special together like a craft project, or if your son is like mine and love movies sit together relax and watch a movie together. Don't take it personally when he acts out at first just let him know you love him just the same.

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Just try to include your son in helping out with the new baby. My son loved when I would ask him to help me with things. And when the new baby is napping, spend some quality time with your son doing what he loves to do. I'm sure he'll adjust fine.

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