I have been contimplating moving to Florida

Lori - posted on 01/30/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I have been contimplating moving to Florida to be with my aging mother and my 2 older sisters. My ex and his wife live here and my daughter lives with them..by her choice. See, I moved her with me to florida 3 years ago for 5 months..and she now says she hated it there and "never wants to set foot in that state again" she hated the school and wasn't treated very nice. Anyway, I see my daughter every other weekend and school vacations. That is becoming a hassle too lately..shes' at the age where friends and sleepovers are more important than coming to mom's. Recently, one of my sisters lost her boyfriend to pneumonia. She lost her husband of massive heart attach 7 years ago. She was devastated and I couldn't be there for her (in florida). My other sister tells me that my mom has been acting strange lately and I have concern for her. My long term boyfriend wants to move to florida, always has wanted to. It breaks my heart that i'm even considering moving to florida. But my sisters have confirmed my thoughts in that I have to worry about my future etc..I'll regret not doing what I wanted to do in life.. My daughter is happy and healthy and is in good hands. With todays technology I can keep in touch via cell phone, skype etc.. She can come with me on school vacations and come for the summer, or at least part of it. WHAT DO YOU YOU LADIES THINK? WHAT WOULD YOU DO??

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Beth - posted on 01/30/2013

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I lived in Florida for 5 years. I hated Florida summers more than I hated Northern winters and left. If you like bugs, high crime rates and 5 months of 90 degree plus heat with oppressive humidity, than Florida is the palce to be.

Betty - posted on 09/11/2013

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Your daughter is healthy and happy and in good hands--let well enough alone at present. Kids often change their minds weekly(esp. adolescents!), so I think you should consider what is best for you, your Mom--as well as what you feel in your heart is best situation right now for daughter. HOPE THIS ALL COMES TOGETHER FOR THE BEST. Remember YOU count, too!

JESSICA - posted on 09/11/2013

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Sorry to hear that! im also going threw almost the same! I moved to florida from new york ive been here 9 months and its really hard to get a job out here! has been a struggle with bills rising! But anyways my 13 yr old son wants to stay with his dad Because Florida is such a beautiful place and plus he has friends and love his school and has been doing really good with his grades..Yes its heartbreaking But sometimes you have to make sacrifices, if the child is happy and u see that she/he is I guess you got to give them space to grow as long as they are in good hands then its fine..Its just letting go is the hard part...But our kids know how much we love them and would do anything for them...we have tons of way in communicating with them the communication doesnt have to stop!!!As long she is happy there is not much we can do, just support them and be there for them....Hope everything goes well...xoxo

Tanya - posted on 09/03/2013

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I would never leave my child no matter what until she is an adult!

She's only 13...remember that. That is a very sensitive age. She is a teen and it's normal for her to want to be with her friends, go out, etc. But it is not an excuse to say she doesn't need you.

Donna - posted on 01/31/2013

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You should go. You are right, she is at the age where friends come first, dad and all the "stuff" that matters to her is feeding that need. She doesn't want to go back to FL. and will resent you if you force her to go too. The tough time will be for you and that is understandable. Have a talk with get to let her know you love her, and plan how you will stay in touch. She will need her mommy more soon and perhaps then she will want to move where you are. Go with your instincts, your first thought, your heart knows best.

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JESSICA - posted on 09/11/2013

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Oh and also about the whole Florida thing...My oldest son whom is 16 yrs old went back to new york actually got there yesterday! he went into a depression mood and we were constantly fighting about him hating florida...You have to understand Florida is a slow paced kinda place and if you bring them to florida when they teenagers, Trust and believe it will be hard for them to adjust..it has nothing to do with you...

Julia - posted on 02/03/2013

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Since you & ex are deciding visitaion instead of courts & everything seems amiable?? maybe daughter can come out to visit you for a month each summer & Christmas vacation with you & ex splitting the travel costs? Or maybe she could come visit in summer & you take a bus up there for Xmas & stay in a local motel with a rental car for a week or 2. It really sounds like Florida is where you need to be right now. Skype & cell phones & email can get you both through the rest of the year. When she is a little older & not so focused on teen stuff like girlfriends & boys she may want you to move back or to come live with you out there. A move to Florida right now doesn't have to be permanent either. Your mom & sisters need you right now. Your daughter has her other parent right now. She is safe, provided for, loved & knows you love her. Don't beat yourself up with guilt. This is a tough situation with close family in two such far apart places. Go where you are needed most right now. That may change later. Take the situation one year at a time & don't stress about what you can't control. Do what you can.

Tracy - posted on 02/01/2013

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We lived 800 miles from family for nearly 10 years. My son was with us, but my husband's son stayed behind (we wanted him with us, but his mother would never allow it). After about 8 years, we began to really feel where you are at now. My husband's parents were elderly and needed care, we missed out on so much with both sides of the family (mine and his), his son visited for a few summers then stopped around age 14 when other things became more interesting than visiting us. We talked about moving back but we LOVED where we lived and owned our own house for the first time ever. Moving meant taking everything away from my son and the life he had where we lived. But we felt we were missing sooooo much and not being there for people that we should be. We finally decided to move back. In so many ways I regret it because I miss our lives that we had. Yet I also feel like, at the end of my life, I will feel better about myself because I was there for those I loved and whom loved me. I know that, for you, it means leaving your daughter behind. But I think that others addressed it well that she is old enough to understand your reasons. Just make sure that you have the time and money to make visits as often as possible. It might be easier for your daughter for a few weeks visit rather than the constant busy weekends with you and no time for friends.

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best. Our decision became easier for us with my husband's layoff and the birth of our daughter so she could get to know family. I doubt you'll have such a push from life telling you which way to go, so I don't envy the situation you are in but I certainly understand the tear between wanting to be in two places at once.

Severna - posted on 02/01/2013

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Consider talking to her about the move highlighting your points above; at 13 they can understand quite well whats going on. I trust her relationship with her grammy is good and with your boyfriend. I think theres more to why she won't move to FLA. with you, perhaps she can tell her true reason to someone that she can "come right out" and confide to. I have a 16 yr old he doesnr bring everything to me, he confides these portion to my big sister. Good luck with your decision, its a tough one.

Betty - posted on 01/31/2013

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go to fla and keep in good touch with daughter sounds like she is in good home.at her age, friends are a big thing. If you are happy, daughter will be happier. 13 is not an easy age to be sometimes, and can be difficult for parents. I raised 3 and 13 and 14 were hardest years for all concerned

Lakota - posted on 01/31/2013

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I understand better now. Sorry. That is a very hard position to be in. Have you talked to your daughter and told her how you felt and what's going on? Ask her what her opinion is and how it would make her feel.

Lori - posted on 01/31/2013

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I think you guys are misunderstanding me. My daughter lives 2 hours away from me. I make trips to see her..I get her every other weekend and school vacations..and every other week in the summer time. She'll be 13 years old...she thinks its unfair to have to come to moms when she's been invited to sleep overs and parties. I don't always let her go..but I don't want to be a "B" and make her come to my house when she really wants to go to a friends party. It's not that I feel it isn't important that she come to my house. I'm sure she doesn't think i do either. My dilemma is my family lives in Florida, I am in Pennsylvania. I got divorced, had my daughter with me..we didn't go through the court. We handle things on our own as far as our daughter is concerned. I moved her with me to florida 3 years ago. We came back here for a visit and she wanted to stay up here with her ailing dad. We struggled with that and I allowed her to stay with her dad until the end of the school year (2.5 months). I moved back 2 months later and she was to come back to live with me. This didn't happen..she loved her school...made lots of friends, her dads health was no better and she wanted to stay there. They moved into a very large house on 300 acres of land in the boonies of Pennsylvania..now has 4 horses and barn animals that she helps with..One of the horses is hers. Now why would an 11 year old want to leave that to come with her mom that doesn't have all that. Nice going "dad" you got your way! It's been 3 years since she's lived with me. My family has been going through some rough times and I struggle with the fact that I can't be there for them. My Mom is 83 and I don't get to see her often enough, my sisters have gone through some stuff and I can't be there. I just wanted opinions...would it be wrong for me to move to take care of my mom and my sisters? Or am I destined to be alone here in PA without ANY of my family? I love my daughter more than anything in this world and do not want to be away from her..I'm being pulled in two different directions.

Lakota - posted on 01/30/2013

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I wouldn't move from my daughter. ".shes' at the age where friends and sleepovers are more important than coming to mom's." My ex uses that excuse to make him feel better about not seeing his two sons. Maybe she doesn't make it important because you don't.

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