I have little bit of a problem with my 9 month old boy

Cindy - posted on 04/13/2010 ( 87 moms have responded )

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Ok so, I am a stay at home mom and so I watch and take care of my son all day everyday. And well here's the thing, whenever I go to make myself something to eat after I feed my son and make sure he's all good and happy so that way I can eat in peace he will see me bring the food out reach out for it as though he's thinks it's for him (by the way he does this with everything) he thinks its for him and when he see's me take it for myself and eat it he right away gets upset and starts throwing a tantrum and it's like if i just ignore him and let him throw his tantrum he wont stop he'll get worse and cry even harder, and it's so darn annoying because I just want to eat!

I've tried everything to keep him occupied while i eat or give him his most favorite toys to play with and nothing works. He always see's me and throws a fit.

Not only that but also I have a hard time throughout the day walking back and forth doing housework. This is what happens, I set him in his high chair with as many toys that will fit on the tray for him to play with I also make sure he's well fed and changed and all that, and so I'll start cleaning and doing things and everytime I walk past him he reaches out for me and wants me to pick him up.......and then before I know it like 5 minutes later he is completely freaking out everytime I go out of his sight, sometimes even if I go more than 5 feet away from him (no exaggeration) he will completely freak out and wont stop and cry harder and harder and wont stop for nothing.

It's insane! And me and my husband seriously sometimes walk on eggshells, we are always trying to sneak away from him (the baby) without him noticing, like one of us will distract him while one of us goes and sneaks off and runs to the bathroom or goes into another room.

But it's just rididculous!! I am seriously completely tired of our son running usin this way, I've been doing this for 5-6 months now, the first 4 months he didn't really do it! ALL I WANNA DO IS JUST BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY WITH OUT HIM FREAKING OUT THINKING I'M LEAVING HIM FOREVER OR SOMETHING. I mean I can hardly do anything anymore, I've been falling behind on the housework, the living room and bedrooms are a huge mess. The bathrooms need cleaned. I dont get to shower every often (yes i know what you're thinking: "ewwwww") lol.

I know some of you will just say "Welcom to motherhood!" .......Lol But trust me i've already been welcomed. This is just something I truely want and need advice and help on.

Ok so I'm writing a novel now! Uggh!

Well seriously though I really really need advice as to what to do! Please Moms help me! :)

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Ruthie - posted on 04/16/2010

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Baby's at this age have no object permanence. If they can't see you they think you don't exist. That is a scary feeling for a person. Imagine if when your husband left you thought he was gone for ever. That's how it feels for your baby. The good news is that they gtrow out of it. You can just keep on with your house chores wile talking to your little man. Plus he will only be this little once if the house is a mess life will go on. In the future are you going to remember how much love and joy you got form your child or how messy your house was for a few months.

Sheree - posted on 04/13/2010

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This sounds exactly how I was feeling about 3 months ago. My daughter is also 9 months and i was having these problems but they have improved a lot in the last couple of months.

Firstly in regards to eating, we did BLW so my daughter mostly feeds herself unless she needs a spoon, but she can use a fork, so we generally sit down together to have breakfast and lunch and by dinner my hubby is home. Could you possibly give your son a snack when you eat to keep him happy? It could be a piece of cheese or toast, just so he has something at the same time?

As for the house work, its working a lot better for me now that my daughter can crawl, before that she would also scream blue murder until i went back into the room, now she just crawls around and "helps" me. In other words if im folding washing she is trying to to unfold it, lol. But now i fold it on the kitchen table and she crawls around my feet while i do it. The hardest bit of housework i find is cleaning the bathroom as i dont like her in their with all the chemicals so i try and do it when she has a nap, but its not always 100%.

My daughter was also very clingy and every time I tried to leave the room she was screaming too, but its getting lot better now that she can crawl and she has been exploring the house and i think she may have realised there really isnt that far for me to go.

I try and have a shower when my hubby is home, either before or after he has finished work, he usually works 10-14 hours a day, so i may have to have a shower really late but at least i get one, and damn it feels great afterwards, lol.

I really hope some of these things may help, and best of luck :)

Ivy - posted on 04/14/2010

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I definitely know how you feel. My daughter is 13 months old now and her seperation anxiety started around 7 months. It was quite bad as well. Somestimes I couldn't even cross the room without her screaming the house down. My daughter has always been really clingy, but then again, I was afraid she would be taken while I was in hospital so I had her in my bed. Then she had really bad colic so there were days we hardly put her down as she would scream.



Anyways, it does get better. To help make it easier for your son, make sure you announce you are leaving and when you are back. When you are leaving say you are leaving and leave immediately, If you keep checking he is alright or show him you are still there, it will make it worse. Play peek a boo several times a day. By now he will be able to play peek a boo with you. Bring him into the room you are in or at least in line of sight and continue to talk to him so he knows you are still there.



If you can't eat the same time he does, then make sure you feed him then give him a little bit of what you are eating or stagger your meals to be at least an hour after his so he has rooom in his tummy. I eat my meals with my llittle girl so she knows it is meal time and I try to give her everything I am eating as she will want the same thing. She is a pincher. If anyone is eating, she wants what they eat, but that is only immediate family as we all have given her food so now she wants what we have. Some people may say this is a bad habbit, but it works for our family and our daughter is severely underweight for her age so I don't mind. She does know the word no or this is "mommy's food."



Honestly, everything gets better with time. I know it is daunting now and it seems like he will never feel secure, but he will as long as you reassure him you are still there.

April - posted on 04/13/2010

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Definitely play peek a boo, it teaches babies that even though they can't see someone (or something) it is STILL there. Also, let him watch you hide a toy under a blanket, then help him find it. Eventually he'll do it on his own.
Tell him what you're doing, I believe they can understand a lot more than we may give them credit.
Give him a clean rag to "help" clean, etc.

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Try giving him stuff besides his toys that he is used to. I will wash a 16 oz water bottle(the outside) and fill it with a little bit of water and take off the label, I let him play with it. Babies seem to want anything they can't have. If you give him stuff out of the ordinary is new to him he might stay occupied longer. Tupperware works too! Good Luck!

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Caty - posted on 04/27/2010

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have you tried feeding him while your eating? maybe if you eat at the same time he'll be occupied with his food and not yours, and find a baby carrier i do most of my house work with my little one on the front of me

Alix - posted on 04/25/2010

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Its a phase they go through!! I have a 11month old son who still does it!! I have to take him everywhere with me. I used to put him in his cot while i showered but he screams the whole time i am in there, so now i put him in his stroller and put him in the bathroom with me!! I have had this trouble for months, and it doesnt look like it is stpping anytim soon!!

Samantha - posted on 04/24/2010

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there are heaps of ideas here, and I apologise if I reatepat what others have said. I agree with what the other have said. Eat when your baby does. Children need to feel they are being social when they eat. In my house we all eat together and no-one leave the table until all are finished.
Don't try and sneak away from him, babies get upset when they think people have just up and left them alone. Find a way to reward him for being good when you leave the room, by reading a story or playing a game when you return.
If you have to have a shower, don't feel you have to keep him out. I used to put mine on the floor outside the bathroom with toys or baby gym before they could move. After that they sat on the bathroom floor. Now I have more children, the older ones are happy to watch a dvd or play by themsleves, so I leave the door open in case they need me, and put my youngest in the bathtub with some toys and sing and chat to him while I shower, cos he'd get up to mischief if I left him out there unsupervised.
Also, you can get a lot of chores done by involving your kids, even from young age. hang out the laundry and give them some pegs to play with, older children can be your "peg helper" and pass them to you. Bathrooms etc can be cleaned with the help of children, particularly if you invest in products such as norwex, which are antibacterial cloths that only require water clean with.

Vanessa - posted on 04/24/2010

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this is a developmental stage and shows the great attachment you have created and that your baby is developing well..I know it can drive you to the edge of reason.. but take .. them with you when you can.. have some time away without guilt..distact with music.. or sing to your baby when you leave the room it sounds less anxious than caling "hang on" or "back in a minute" and know that in a few..very few years with the confidence that attachment has given you will feel like a spare part when they are playing independently..have 2 very confident previously very demanding young boysx

Daniela - posted on 04/24/2010

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Hate to say this, especially as there have been no similar stories from other Moms, I kind of feel like a bad Mom now!! But BabyFirst and Teletubbies saved me!! I'd put my dd in her playard with toys, put on a dvd of Teletubbies or Baby first, and left her the time it took to take a shower or vacuum. Her first words were Un, deux.. which is French for one, two! She learned to count through watching tv in that short amount of time. No other dvds, though, just the channel especially for babies and teletubbies. I couldn't believe that she actually grasped the concept of counting her 2 boats in the bath at 11 months! I realize kids are not supposed to watch tv under 3, but BabyFirst is a channel just for babies and I felt ok with leaving her for 15 minutes until I could get back to her.She'd cry when I left her but 30 secs later she was distracted and would stop crying. Playards and music cd's are a good alternative if you don't want the dvds.

Emily - posted on 04/24/2010

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First of all, just breath and remind yourself it is only a phase. it will be over before you know it. When my daughter was that age she wanted to do WHATEVER i was doing. i tried to occupy her with toys and what not but it never seemed to work then i realized if she just wanted to do what i'm doing why not let her. instead of standing at the dryer to fold laundry i would bring it to the rug in the living room and let her sit next to me and play with the clothes while i folded if i needed to if i needed to dishes i put her in her highchair with a small bowl of water and a sponge to play it ( this made cleaning her highchair easier since it loosened any food stuck in the crackes and corners). if i was vaccuming i put her in the sling and carried her. The things like cleaning my bathroom and windows or whatever that i couldn't find a way for her to "help" i would try putting her in the room with me close by with toys and if that didn't work it got done during naptime, or if i just relaxed during naptime, somedays it just didn't get done. and that is ok too. good luck

Diane - posted on 04/24/2010

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My oldest son just turned 27, but I was thinking about him today while I was vacuuming, just before I looked at this post, actually. I was remembering some of the things he did when he was really small, and the times that I finally concluded that he was doing something that irritated me because I wasn't paying enough attention to him when I wasn't eating or cleaning house. He was a sweetie and we were good friends because it was just him and me much of the time, but I've always gotten bored pretty quickly with playing, so often we were in the same room, but each doing our own thing.
The separation thing is a natural stage that children should grow out of once they figure out that you're not necessarily gone just because they can't see you. You might try singing or something else that he can hear coming from you when you leave the room so he will catch on.
Aside from that, try to think about the kind of attention you're giving him between things. How long during the day are you genuinely focused on him, playing, talking, etc.? I'm not trying to sound accusing or blaming this on you. I just know that when I examined what was happening between me and my son, I realized that much of the attention he got from me was cursory.
He was pretty tiny when he learned to talk, and he got in the habit of saying, "minute, minute," when he wanted a drink. To my horror, I figured out that he was saying that because every time he wanted something I said, "Just a minute." I couldn't always be at his beck and call, but there needed to be times when he asked for something and I immediately stopped what I was doing and focused on him. Rather than getting him his drink or whatever with one hand while continuing to read a book with the other hand and half my brain.

Carmen - posted on 04/24/2010

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Cindy to my exprerience this is normal. Your child id ahead of his nine month. He knows what food is. He loves your attention. This is going to cahnge with in time. You can sit him in the High Chair and give him a littlr of what you are eating with his own spoon. You can take advantage when he is taking a nap to get things done. You won't get to acomplish all. But you will see the diference. Too many toys will drve you up the wall. Get a babysitter once in a while to get out and relax. Motherhood is not easy. It is not about us anymore. It is we. Good luck and have patience.

Liza - posted on 04/24/2010

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My son was the same, and it is a normal developmental phase, and shows that he is developing how he should be. I think that if you try to sneak away it will just make it worse. If he knows you might try to sneak away at any time, then he will constantly be worried that you will do so whenever he can't see you, and he will become less secure. Make sure you tell him that you are going (even if you think he doesn't understand the words) before you go anywhere. If he knows you never leave him without first telling him you are going, then he will start to relax and not worry so much where you are. Also try talking to him when you are out of the room. If he can still hear your voice but not see you, he will learn that Mum is still around even if he can't see her.
You could try getting a baby sling and doing the house work with him strapped to your front or back. It might seem like harder work, but you should be able to get more done quicker (as you won;'t have to keep stopping to calm him down), and you can think of it as a fitness workout too as you will be burning more calories by carrying him around!
As for showering, do you have a bath? If you have a nightly bath with him, not only will you both get clean, but he will love having Mum in the bath, and you will improve your bond with each other. You could try and make it part of his bedtime routine. You can get bath chairs which you sit him in, keeping him safe while you wash yourself.
It is hard being on call and needed 24/7 and sometimes you just want to be left alone for 5 MINUTES!!! But try to remember that it is because he lover you SO much, and that it is just a short phase which will be all all to soon. Not long from now he will be too cool to want his "boring Mum" around, and you will miss his loving attention.
Good Luck

Sue - posted on 04/24/2010

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Try a treasure box. This is a little box filled with everyday (but safe) household objects, such as kitchen utensils, sponges, a toilet roll inner, bits of fabric etc. There is no limit, just as long as it's safe. When you're working in say, the kitchen, take the box and baby with you. It will keep him fascinated for long enough to get the task done.

Shannon - posted on 04/23/2010

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Hi Cindy
Sounds really difficult. I have a little walker that i put my son in and take him into each room when he gets like that. That way i can clean and he can see me, When i jump in the shower i sing to him and make little peek a boo games when the glass fogs up. I hope this help good luck

Kerry - posted on 04/23/2010

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The shower thing - am i the only person who gets themself up in the morning, showered, hair washed, dried, and ready, before getting the baby up???! One of my biggest worries was when was i going to shower as i'm one of those people who can't even think of going out for the day unless ive had a shower and washed my hair! And it has to be in the morning, can't shower at night. Don't even have the energy in the evening! Once my baby started sleeping through the night, I soon settled into the routine of getting up at what was once 'normal time' as if i was getting up for work at about 6.45am ish, doing my normal getting ready routine, then she'd be awake by 7.30ish and hey presto I get her up for breakfast! I'm all showered and done and none of that faffing about trying to shower whilst she's napping or awake - Christ i'd never get anything done or go anywhere if I carried on doing that! I did this at first in the early months like most mums but soon got wise. And I go back to work in 4 weeks time so the getting up again won't be a shock to the system! I pretty much do the housework now whilst she's napping, in her walker, highchair, cot etc, same as the other mums. Good advice from the other ladies. Glad to know we sort of all do the same thing!

Kristina - posted on 04/23/2010

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My son is very similar. I have learned to squeeze in a shower while my husband is still home in the morning. Set him up w/ breakfast, and tell hubby, "I'm jumping in!" Again, before hubby leaves for work, I sneak into the hallway, shut the door, and sit on the stairs to eat either my protein bar or carnation instant breakfast. otherwise, I do not eat until the afternoon for the same reasons - baby just will not let me eat, and I refuse to eat with screaming in my ear. He gets a nap around 11 am/noon, at which time I immediately have lunch. Dinner is VERY tricky, and often unsatisfying. If he can feed himself, heat up his dinner, then let it sit till it cools off. While that's happening, dish yourself out food, plate, drink, utensils, everything you need before you start to eat. Put your food down first , then baby's - you might get a few minutes of quiet eating before he starts to want you. This is tough. But I guess the weight loss is a plus! LOL

Katherine - posted on 04/23/2010

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i am a stay at home mom to a 4 yr old and a 4 month old so and i went thru this with my 4 yr old when he was aboutr 7-8 months old. the best thing to do about the eating thing is eat when he eats and put a few things on your plate that he can eat and then give it to him that will make him happy and content while you are eating.. about the cleaning thing the best thing i can suggest is lay him down for a nap (lay him down when he is awake) if you have a set nap time schedule it is the best thing... and even if he is crying you know he is safe in his crib let him cry for 10 min while you clean up then just peek in every 10 min or so to see if he is safe...
if you start doing this today in 2 weeks he will go lay down and fall asleep in 5 min with hardly any fussing.. i hope this helps... good luck!

Kristy - posted on 04/22/2010

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My son is 10 months old and put some of his food on my plate and we eat together. When he sees it on my plate he is more likely to eat whatever new food I'm introducing. Plus I wear him in an Ergo baby carrier around the house if he is in a mood and can't be left alone or while I cook, but it gets better. I hardly wear him anymore. Hang in there.

Zöe - posted on 04/22/2010

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Honestly, this is a totally normal phase. All babies go through some form of seperation anxiety. I have told my little one for several months (she`s almost a year), that `Mummy`s coming back` and she doesn`t get upset. We also eat together - she still wants mine so I used to put some of hers on my plate and give her that - sneaky! Or, I eat when she`s sleeping that way I get some peace.We also bath together every other day and me and my husband take turns - so every fourth day each. We do this before bed and otherwise shower in the evening when she`s gone to bed. That way I don`t have to faff around in the am.
It does sound extreem though so poor you. What happens if you leave him - I know this can be heartbreaking but they all calm down eventually. I love the baby whisperer book so maybe they could help - she`s amazing! Or, socializing him more may help - then he`ll see that you`re not the only person in the whole world. I think tricking him may just reinforce his belief that you ARE going to leave.
Must go now as someone is climbing up my chair and whinging for attention....X

Kellie - posted on 04/18/2010

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As for eating, eat with your child. It sounds as if he wants to just spend the time with you. I had that problem a lot with my son, but I just sit him at the time with whatever I made him and I sit next to him with my meal and he mimics me. I pick up my spoon and so does he. I eat, he eats. He hated me feeding him, he wanted to do it himself, but he wanted me to watch him. It worked. As for as wanting to do house work, that's a piece of cake. If he can walk, give him something you clean with, like a duster and let him "help" you, my son got one of those bubble ball popper things for christmas and he uses that as his "vaccuum cleaner" a lot of things like that help with everyday life. He just wants a companion to praise him when he does right and disipline when in the wrong. I know showers seem to be a break away from kids, but for some reason, my son LOVES bathes. So for he to calm him down and let me shower, it's sad to say, but let him in the bath with you, If you're uncomfortable iwth it don't do it, but I found that a lot of parents do that, just so they can shower, because poor hygiene leads to health problems. Just make sure the water temps are closely paid attention to.

Christel - posted on 04/17/2010

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It going to happen all his life and your life now because you are his center of the universe I have to say its just going to get worse and maybe a little better. but them wanting everything you have is going to be an everyday thing until they are about 13 teen, and then its everything you have and everything everyone else has to. They will come home asking what did you make me for dinner. Then tell you I can go to my friends and eat even better than what you serve so get ready motherhood is not easy! I dont want to scare you but I have an 13 year old I just wish he was still 9 months asking for my food still! and not the big mouth! Good Luck! WE ALL NEED IT!

Joseline - posted on 04/17/2010

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i think its a habit he has to out grow so at this point you have nothing much to do just try and cope with it untill then. good luck

Christina - posted on 04/16/2010

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Eat together.Put your son in a walker while you do your housework,but let him chuck the tantrum,thats all they do it for is to get your attension.If you are really going insane with it go see your local Dr who will put you in touch to see someone to help you.After my kids were bathed and in the pram for a sleep i would go have my shower.You have to look after yourself because noone else will.

but yes eat together,that way he will get used to eating with his parents.Its a good thing to have.At least try it.Happy Days hun.:)

Gisela - posted on 04/16/2010

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i feed my daughter who is 10 months old before i eat for every meal. she wants to eat what i'm eating so after i know she had her food i will gladly share little bites of mine with her. right now she is teething and doesn't like her chunky food, she prefers very runny slimy stuff....lol she does get a kick out of eating what we eat though and i have no problem giving her regular table food. as for crying when you leave the room, i too think its separation anxiety, some babies have it real bad and other don't. i have two little ones and my son who is 35 months old never had an issue with me leaving, my daughter is a different story. she doesn't mind me leaving the room, right now her thing is she wants to walk but she cannot on her own just yet. she wants me to hold her hands so that she can walk around and every time i put her down she cries. i don't have the luxury to walk her around all day long....lol she has realized this and luckily doesn't cry for too long. just hang in there, reassure your son that you are just going into the next room and that you will be back, he will get it. also, whenever i leave my kids with their grandparents or someone else, i always make sure to say good bye to them and give hugs and kisses. i also stay a few minutes to let them get comfortable with the idea. if you are not comfortable with leaving the room they smell it and they use it against us....lol it does get better, just lots of patience and love along the way.

Shirlee - posted on 04/16/2010

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hi have you try putting him in his highchair and eating where he can't see you and peek around the corner now and them or try tell him no and i mean a firm no that mommy have to clean and let him cry and carry on and ignore him it's when you pay attention to him and he's saying i got mommy's attention and don't pick him up when ever he reaches cause maybe you have been and he knows if i reach out she's going to pick me up gl i have 3 kids somedays i pull my hair,other days i laugh at something they do and then i look forward to them hugging me and kissing me goodnight..we take the bad with the good..sincerly sashazx75

Annette - posted on 04/16/2010

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I love all the other responses. I remember that feeling. One day at a time. Try eating when he is eating. This will start a good pattern of eating together. Or eat when he naps if you want a little quiet time. Also, I don't know if you have a baby swing, but that was one diversion that helped my son stay calm while I did house work. I also used a sling to carry him around the house while I cleaned. This would usually put him to sleep. Keep being creative and before you know it, he will be old enought to run in your bedroom at 3AM and crawl in between you and hubby. LOL

Michelle - posted on 04/16/2010

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My son is now 2 years old and we went through the same things. First child and all the learning curve...here is what I did and it seems to have worked...I can now leave him in the care of others for short periods of time. Warning Label: THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD ON YOU THOUGH

I finally got fed up enough with having such an uncharecteristically messy house that I started walking away and tuning him out. I started with baby steps no more than a few feet and no more than 20 seconds....each time I ventured "away" I went a little further and/or a little longer...I also always explained to him where I was going what I was doing and that Mommy would be right back. This technique was working well and then he decided he wanted to be where I was so he started crawling and that quickly converted into walking so he just followed me everywhere. My house is baby safe in certain areas so his following was an issue and I had to put up gates or barriers. Again if I ended up on the other side of a gate he would get mad and I would explain to him the same thing Mommy will be right back. Now he just waits patiently at the gate for me to return (because he knows I will). I never brought him into the bathroom with me because I felt that was my personal time he could wait on the other side of the door. Now though he can open the door and joins me anyway (yes, I did lock the door, he broke the lock and hubby has yet to fix it).

As for the eating, I always had my son sitting next to me while I ate. I am a believer in the thought that families should always eat together (even if that is only mommy and kids until dad gets home from work). This has paid off because not only does my son eat with me (I am not having to prepare meals twenty times a day) but he also has great table manners at 2 years old. He even asks to be excused from the table when he is done eating.

I guess the bottom line of what I am saying is this: kids need to be taught everything. So it will take some time but in the end when you get the compliments from perfect strangers (ie: "your son is so good at the table not messy like most kids" when we are out a restaurant...or "wow, did he just ask to get down?") it will all be worth it.

LaShun - posted on 04/16/2010

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I am going through this right now....my son is 6 months and you are right whenever I get him situated he still wants my full attention. I can't cook or anything without him wanting me to pick him up. The only recourse I have is that his older brother or sister can entertain him a little if they are there or I have to wait for him to go to sleep altogether......;-)

Maggie - posted on 04/16/2010

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Hello again, I wanted to share with you a small thought. My now six year old is a very late in life gift from God. I think I suffered more seperation anxiety than he did. At 5 weeks old I handed him to a basic stranger ( a care giver that came very highly recommend by other members of the new community )that we had moved cross country to. I was newly employed 6 months just prior to his birth and was informed at 5 weeks after birth that I needed to come back to my position at work or I might loose my job. I was naive to the family leave act at that time. I was devastated. he wasn't, but when we did have time together he clung to me like a tick, but I was able to by talking to him and reassuring him that no matter what mommy will always be here for him. and he eventually got a grasp on this. Now I send love notes in his lunch pail to schooll with him and give him "great Kid" cards just on a whim. We dont have a lot of money, so most of the time I make them out of scrap paper.....he feels special!!! At 9 months the world is getting bigger to them and it's scarey in their minds, and Mommy is their anchor!! I talked incesantly to my developing child and played many different types of music for him with headphones on each side of my big belly and read story books to him whilst in the womb. He was speaking in full sentences very very early. Babys understand lanuage more so than some adults I know. Talk to him in normal conversational lanuage not that goo goo itchy goo stuff alot of people do, and you should have great success with him figuring out what mom is talkin about!! I had mine helping with chores (times more work for me!! but it was fun) now he mops and vaccuums and puts his dirty clothes in the hamper and into the wash on wash day on his own!! He loves housework, cause I let him crawl around with me in my limited time as a working mom, to help me and learn that this is a way for him to feel important and be a responsible contributing part to our family. Because that is all our young children want to do is please others especially mommy. His first tooth was cut on a peice of steak, we were in a restaurant, and he knawed on a chunks of steak about the size of his little paw until the red mead turned white and as we were leaving the restuarant, that first little tooth was poking out of his bottom gum. Yes, he is a fragile precious baby, but he needs to be treated like the person he is. Every nano second is a learning process for him. Oh, and I have had many people including my pediatrition tell me "there has never been a child that dies from crying" Prayers are being said for you. Perservere, this will pass, BELIEVE!!!! Just believe, Your own prayers will be answered, in time! Remeber never to ask the question "Why, me?" Ask the question, "How?" ( How can I (meaning you yourself) help the situation. Blessings to you!

Maxine - posted on 04/16/2010

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Have you tried going to a a play group.that way while your baby is playing you can walk away and see how how reacts.Maybe with all the playing he may not realise you have gone(maybe just out of his eyesight but not yours).It may take a little while for him to get it but just persevere.be strong.Do you have any family help maybe they can help you just by playing with your son.Sit down together and eat.make the same thing and if he wants your plate swap(they are both the same.Once he starts crawling things may be heaps better.my girlfriends child was a totally different child when she walked.Good luck.

ANATSASIA - posted on 04/15/2010

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hi, im a mother of 3, my boys are 12, 7, and 2, w/ every one of them they did and still do the same thing, especially the youngest who will soon be 3, i pretty much jus share everything w him, there are times i dont, but in that case he has his own, thats jus how babys and children are, and sometimes even when they have their own, they still want what i have, its one of those things you get used to, as far as crying, get a play pen, or pack n play, and move your child room to room, it DOES NOT hurt a baby to cry for a little bit, talk or sing to your child while you work or clean, then they recognize you still acknowledge them

Sarah - posted on 04/15/2010

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When my son was that age, I always fed him at the same time and let him try the foods that i was eating. He's 18 months now and he is an excellent eater for this reason... as a matter of fact, he prefers his vegetables over anything else. Babies are naturally curious about what you are eating/drinking/doing, etc. That's how they learn about the world around them, and I think the best thing to do to satisfy their curiosities is to share your foods and activities with them. If I'm in the kitchen cleaning, I always took/take (I also have a 6 m/o) the high chair (to give a snack) or the walker or the play pen with me so they could watch what I was doing. If I vacuum, I hold my baby on my hip. I realize every mom needs a little time to herself, but i think having your little one with you all the time just makes you cherish nap time that much more.! :) hope this helps!

Kate - posted on 04/15/2010

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Hi and yep Welcome to the club, I find that kids will want to do what you are doing, have you tried eating with him when he eats instead of baby food and mummy food try one food everyone eats together. and as far as housework goes i would like to quote from one very wise author Maggie Groff "DON'T APOLOGISE FOR THE MESS" she maintains two separate areas housework (family members benefit INDIRECTLY from these) and Motherhood ane things that benefit family members DIRECTLY. Some other hints don't try and sneak off they will always hear your just firmly tell him you are going and go if you must keep talking while you do the task (pee whatever) and then come back keep talking to him. You are his whole world he wants to make sure that he is in control of his world. You may be thinking he is only nine months old how can he possibly understand but take a step back from your current state Who is in control, I bet you'll see it's not you, and on a final note my Lifesaving tool to keep my sanity make sure you look at them when they are alseep Good luck

Cindy - posted on 04/15/2010

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Thank you for the advice Shana, and don't worry it wasn't harsh at all. Letting him cry it out was how he has been able to go to sleep on his own without fuss since he was around 4 months old. I actually have tried to let him cry himself exausted when he freaks out when I leave the room in hopes that he'd give up, But that doesn't work on Logan, lol, he doesn't give it up he keeps going and going and going lol (reminding myself of the energizer bunny commercial lol). So I've noticed that doesn't work. I have recently tried something. If I walk out of the room and the second I hear him whining or starting to cry (this is going to sounds funny) I will stick my arm out from behind the wall and hold up my finger and say "Stop" and he does, I'm not too sure why this worked, maybe because He can't see me but he can hear my voice and see my hand and probably realizes I'm not completely gone.

However even though this has worked a little, He still does have his little "meltdowns" and crying fit when I walk out of the room, that hasn't stopped in itself, hopefully though one day it does fully stop.

And I have actually just started trying the eating with him thing, like if what I have on my plate I am able to smash up into little bites and feed it to him i will, and that is working out great!!

Thank you ladies for the advice!! I really have been reading it all! And everything has been very helpful and encouraging! And Shana thank you for praying for me tonight that is really nice of you.

Heidi - posted on 04/15/2010

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I think we all go through this with our kids. I think you have two choices with this situation...you can eat at the same time as him, even if it's different food (obviously), or ignore his tantrum. If he does this every time, and you cave, he know's what it takes to make you give in. Stand your ground, I know its really hard sometimes. After a couple days or so, he will know you mean business. I know how hard it can be just to find time to eat in peace, and most of the time that never happens. I wish you the best of luck. Be strong with what ever you decide to do. Hang in there, things will get easier.

Angelica - posted on 04/15/2010

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its normal at that age, beacuse no matter if wht your baby eats is the same food as you!! they always want your food, and they want all the attention as well, its like wao wht mommy is eating looks good, because they see your expressions, when you enjoy your food, so they want some too, but we have to show thm that this your time, and comprimise with them, like if you let mommy eat we can play whatever you want, or you'll give them a snack

Shana - posted on 04/15/2010

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PS i forgot to mention ...why don't you eat with him?? I eat with my kids ..then they are not begging for what i've got 'cause they are too busy stuffing their mouths. ANd if they ever developed a case of food envy .. i would give them my plate ...and take theirs ...so that we could switch when they beg...but i caution on getting into the habit of that too...it's all training ...to do or not to do.

Shana - posted on 04/15/2010

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i'm sorry if what i say sounds harsh ..its not intended that way ....
but ..he's just gotta get over it..i mean whats the worse that will happen ??? He will cry himself exhausted...if you stand you ground and give in even once..he'll continue testing you. It is really very ok for babies to cry ..he need sto know that you love him ...but you are not at his beckoning call. Check out Babywise by Gary Ezzo... he'll boost you self esteem in tackling this. Your training him right now on what is exceptable and what is not. Know that he is fine..he's just upset and thats ok ..we all get upset. Best wishes i will say a prayer for you tonight

Sherri - posted on 04/15/2010

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The separation anxiety, let him crawla round and play Hide-and-Seek, and explore. That may help withe anxiety. Also, let him make "friends" witha few other trusted people. That way he isstarting to develope some social skills. Eating, offer a small snack when you are eating as well. that will give him something to keep him distracterd from you eating. Have a meal with him as well to start teaching good eating habits as well. Every chance, take the opportunity to instill good values.

Shelly - posted on 04/15/2010

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Both my children had the separation anxiety phase. I put them in a playpen. At first they cried then they got used to it knowing I would always come back after a few minutes and I knew they were safe. Now I can do lots of jobs knowing they are happy and safe. I always eat with my children at the dinner table. I think it is important for them to know mealtimes are a family time and a good way for them to pick up good eating habits. Yes I have had a lot of cold dinners but that phase doesn't last long.

Deborah - posted on 04/15/2010

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Try sitting down and eating with him when it is time for him eat. That way you both can enjoy your food. Sometimes babies go through a stage where they are really insecure and this to will pass. Try involving him in house cleaning. Let him help put clothes in the washer and dryer. Sing songs to clean up toys. Soon you will realize his insecurity has passed. Good luck.

Alannah - posted on 04/15/2010

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I totally know how you feel. A few suggestions: 1) Don't strap him in the highchair when you're trying to get things done.He may be frustrated at being trapped in one place. Instead, completely babyproof one room/area in your house where he can play more-or-less unattended (though not unsupervised, of course). We blocked off an area of the living room for our 11-month old so that he has a big area to explore/play in, and there's literally nothing in here he can break or injure himself on. Plus there's no need to open a door to check on him, so I can usually pass by unnoticed.

2) As for showers, turn it into a game of peekaboo! Put him in the bathroom in an excersaucer or baby chair (I have a fisher-price rocker/recliner for this) and play peekaboo around the shower curtain with him. You may not get to shave your legs but at least your hair will be clean!

3) Naptime = housework. To get caught back up, bring in reinforcements for a day or two (grandparents, auntie, whoever) so that you can get your home back to a good "starting" point. Then, write a schedule (yes, I know, but it helps!) outlining everything that needs to be done throughout the week. Make sure you don't need more than 1 hour at a stretch. You should be able to keep up pretty well just during naptime. Also, invest in a baby carrier so that you can carry him while doing some of the chores. I recommend the Ergo; you can probably find a used one on craigslist or Kijiji for 70-80 dollars. This will also help with the clinginess. It sounds counterintuitive, but if you carry your baby with you, he'll actually become less clingy in the long run!

4) For feeding: try preparing both your meal and his at the same time, and then put his food on your plate so that you can feed him directly off your plate. One bite for him, one for you. I did this when my son wanted to eat whatever I was eating for a while - now, I just feed him whatever I'm eating anyways!

I know this stage is hard, when your son is very needy, but trust me it's so worth it to be responsive to him. If he learns at this age that he can trust you to always be there whenever he needs you, he will grow up into a much more trusting child, teenager, and young man - who will trust you enough to let him into his life at those times! Best of luck!

For more information, check out the Attachment Parenting page on Facebook.

Tanya - posted on 04/15/2010

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Well about the food thing...I always eat with my little guy. He likes the company and likes to do what mommy is doing. at 9 months he is strong enough to sit in a highchair and eat along with you :o) Do things with him... he is gettin to that age where he wants to do what you are doing. Meal time is family time. About the crying when you walk past him... trust me, we all know there is housework to be done... but a highchair is restraining, and it was meant for eating not playing. If you want to keep him in one place try using a playpen instead, he may like that it is open and he is a little bit more free to move around. As for the housework... any mommy of a toddler is not going to have a spectacular house. I just make sure that my house is picked up and presentable...but not spotless cause there is no such thing with a baby around. As for the shower, I know how you feel... but make it a game. If your bathroom is big enough, bring the baby's swing or bouncy seat into the bathroom, and as your takin your shower play peek-a-boo with the shower curtain... I know it's not relaxing, but until that baby is sleeping, relax is not in a mommy's vocabulary. I hope this helps a little bit :o)

Maggie - posted on 04/15/2010

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All moms go through this to some degree or another, your are doing a great job, please remember that! Your child is a person, he has you to learn from and who does he trust and know more than his mother? Let him eat with you your kitchen is not a local diner!!! So a bite for him a bite for you, baby food included ya know some of it is actually pretty good, especially if you make your own which is more cost effective!!!

Frozen things such as any fruit are great to give to them also, it can help teething process. Everything we do and say our little sponges is absorbedd........dont get frustrated, I know its very hard sometimes, and maybe a girlfriend can help by coming over and playing, while you go sit and read a magazine in the bathroom or out on the porch for just 15 minutes a couple of times a week!!! But always let your precious little one see you go don't ever sneak away. Peek - a - boo is a great learning tool. Please remember your child is the most precious gift that you could ever have been given, Worship the childs existance and know that he only has you!

Heather - posted on 04/15/2010

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lol no i shouldnt say that cause i have tooo been there. i found that taking said child into same room u are cleaning and talking as u clean sounds mad i know but it does pay off i did this i also found that eating u meal while they ate theirs they could see that u do the same and stop wanting what u have also talking by saying mummys of to toilet lets say while in high chair and making sure they can hear you or like me mummys walking up the steps mummys in the bathroom then they would hear flush and mummy comming back down stairs job done. give it a try

Ivy - posted on 04/15/2010

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Your son might not understand that you are leaving yet, but repetition is key. Start out doing small. Example, I'm going to the kitchen to get a drink of water and i will be back in one minute. Then get your water and come back saying you're back and mommy has her drink of water. Something small and keep building up the time. It is important to say again and again. Just like reading his favorite book for the 7th time in a row. He can recognize the pictures, what you might say and help turn the pages as you have done it so many times already.

I'm glad that eating with him has helped. It will get better as time goes on. He will become more independent, it just takes time.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/15/2010

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Ok, I am going to speak honestly, but it is with all the love in my heart.

Because of your trying to sneak away from him, it is just verifying that you will do it again. He is a baby and nothing is sure in his life yet. He has no idea when you will return. If you have a playpen, keep him in the room you are cleaning. If you have to run out of the room for a second, pick him up and take him with you, then put him back in the playpen where you are cleaning.

As far as being able to eat, right now he is wanting to try new tastes and textures. Instead of feeding him first, feed him with you. Use a variety of his foods that he needs and a couple of baby friendly foods from your plate.

Shower during naptime!

I really hope this helps. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh :-)

Laura - posted on 04/14/2010

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I studied speech pathology at College and 9 month old babies can understand a whole lot more than you realize. If he doesn't understand what you mean yet when you tell him you're leaving, just start telling him and he will understand really soon. The more you talk to him the quicker he will learn to talk and listen. I've also had a huge battle with getting anything clean with babies. Hang in there. You'll find ways, your baby will adjust, and things will get easier.

Cindy - posted on 04/14/2010

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I like everybodys advice! Except i noticed alot of you say to announce when I'm going to leave the room. I dont really think that would do anything because he doesn't understand english lol! I mean dont get me wrong I say no to him all the time and other small words in hopes that he'll someday understand, but he doesn't right now so I know that wouldn't really work, Well for me at least, maybe it did work out for alot of you :)



Well there actually is one thing that I do and say that I think he may be understanding and its when I hold up my finger and say "Hold on" in a stern voice because I say that alot too and in the past couple weeks when I say it now he stops whining and just stares at me and waits.



As for the having him eat with me thing, I am now trying that and it's working out pretty good now. Thanks!



Keep the advice coming ladies! :)

[deleted account]

try sitting down at the table and having a meal WITH him, give him a bit of the stuff you have (providing it is appropriate for his age) or give him his own food, and eat TOGETHER, that way he won't feel excluded. Seriously, he's your son, share your food with him, and teach him to share too. As for not being able to do anything, is he crawling yet? Let him follow you around, include him. Or wheel his high chair around with you, and include him that way. By forcing him to wait on his own, you are only increasing his emotional distress. why would you want to do that? I have 4 kids, and all of them have been included in my daily life, if I'm dusting, give them a cloth, they'll help, if I'm vacuuming, I often give the little one one of the extensions, she then proceeds to help in her way...its not hard to include your kids, but you have to want to.....as for showering, take a shower or bath with him...not hard to do...

Karen - posted on 04/14/2010

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There's some good advice about involving him in what you're doing but also someone mentioned not sneaking off. At this age their separation anxiety is high and if he's constantly worried you will disappear without warning this could increase the anxiety. It will take a while but if you say in a positive voice 'I'm just going in the kitchen I'll be back in a minute' and then come back in a minute all smiles he'll get used to you going and coming back with warning- he won't understand what you're saying of course at first or have any concept of time so it's best to keep it to short periods but after a while should get used to you telling him, then going, then coming back again-it may make him feel more secure in the long run.

Sarah - posted on 04/14/2010

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Separation Anxiety is very common. He's beginning to realise he is a separate entity from you, and that's a pretty scary concept to grasp I guess. As far as worrying about housework goes, do the bare minimum. Do what you can during his nap times and after he's in bed at night. These early years are so short, the chores will still be there to be done when he's grown!

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