I have run out of ideas. Care to share your genius?

Sharon - posted on 06/23/2010

Mine is only two and when she pulls something simular like this I pretend to be hurt by her actions. Not pretend crying or anything I just simple tell her: What you are doing is hurting mommy's feelings and she will talk to you when you decide to stop.

It's a technique that my MIL has given me because she has gone through all the stuff you have with her very strong willed 3 year old grandson and for some reason the pretending to be hurt and walking away seems to work. She says it makes him think about how his actions hurt others and I have to say i kind of see her reasoning. I've only pulled this tech twice but that was when we were out and about in the mall.....she has a habit of waiting until the most embarrassing times right now.

Anne Marie - posted on 06/23/2010

Boy did this feel like reading my own child's history. Yes check the high IQ books he may be very intelligent and just bored, feeling like he needs more. However depending on the behaviour such as brushing teeth getting dressed there are no options it must be done but you could have a variety of toothbrushes and toothpastes that way he can choose which one to use, same with clothes. If it is a question of manners and he uses them most of the time instead of time out just remind him it is so much more pleasant when he asks with manners. If he asks you for something without manners you can just politely say that you choose to only respond when good manners are used. He may now be able to tell you what it is that is bothering him, cuddling with my kids and telling them that I thought something must be bothering them they often opened up and told me. Sometimes my son would say nothing and walk away but later would come in and tell me what it was that was bothering him or upsetting him. They need alot of patience and understanding I would like to tell you that it would end soon but my kids are now in their teens and I still get the behaviour once in awhile. Good luck

JuLeah - posted on 06/23/2010

You might have a very bright little guy. Check out some books, or even look on-line, for behaviors of kids with very high IQ's

They come with a different set of issues and need a different responce

Llaura - posted on 06/23/2010

He does well in school, although sometimes will get a report, feels more like us getting in trouble then him lol. Same reason there though. Usually it's over nap, or other small things.

JuLeah - posted on 06/22/2010

Well,
Here is an idea based on my experience as a teacher.

Keep a journal. We always think we will remember, but we never really do.

Track what happened prior to the defiant behavior you speak of, exactly what the behavior looked like, and the consequence of the behavior.
Here is an example from a classroom. A boy normally very sweet would become rude and defiant at times. The teacher, not knowing what to do would send him to the office.
This teacher was asked to keep track of the event that happened prior, the behavior, and the consequence.
He figured out that the boy was rude and defiant when the class was working on fractions. When he sent the kid to the office, the boy got out of the math lesson. He was actually rewarded for the behavior.

All behavior has a function, serves a need. We don’t do anything really unless it is to get a need met.

Figure out the need the behavior serves and help your son to find a replacement behavior, one you can live with that will still meet his needs.
And remember, how we view a behavior shapes the behavior. In some homes kids that jump of the sofa are seen as healthy fun loving children, and in other home that same child would be called wild, disrespectful, and out of control.
Some defiance is good. You want a child who can speak his mind, stand up for himself, and refuses to be a sheep.

Teaching him balance sounds like the key.

Minnie - posted on 06/22/2010

Maybe tell us what this unpleasant behaviour is?

Iridescent - posted on 06/22/2010

Sometimes you just simply have to remember he is a child. He needs to push boundaries, needs the consistency you are giving, and needs time to play as a child. Eventually he'll catch on.

Teresa - posted on 06/22/2010

I have no clue how to get him to change, but I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, no matter what you do, your kid is going to do whatever they want regardless of the consequences.

Don't we, sometimes, do the same? KNOW that what we are about to do is wrong and it WILL cause us pain of some sort, but we do it anyway? It's the sinful, human nature.

Doesn't make my kids listen any better, but does 'help' (at least a little) keep me from totally losing my mind w/ them.....

Jodi - posted on 06/22/2010

Sounds like a pretty normal 5 year old to me! My daughter can also be extremely defiant because she chooses to be. My son was much the same at that age too. Just be consistent with your convictions and discipline. They do grow out of it. At this age, you really do have to choose your battles and decide if it is really all that important. There are certain things that I absolutely won't tolerate, but I don't want to be battling ALL the time :)

One thing that has always worked with my kids is rewarding their good behaviour by allowing them to have a friend over to play at the weekend. My daughter LOVES having friends to play (she's very social), and this really works for her.

Is he in school? And how is he behaving there?