I have two step daughters. They have been in my life since they were babies. Their mother abandon them when they were babies. A couple of years ago, the courts pursued the birth mother for support. This caused her to suddenly decide to want her children. The court granted her access. For two and and half years, the children were forced to visit their birth mother. It was brutal. Crying, screaming, tying them into the car, throwing up.brutal. More recently, now that they have become accustomed to visitations with her, they have been exposed to brainwashing and bribing. They used to call me mom and were happy. Now they come home and talk about nothing but their

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Jodi - posted on 05/11/2013

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Well, maybe it is time for dad to sit down and tell them the truth. I'm sure their mother does love them in her own way, but they need to hear from dad what really happened without putting mum down entirely. Things like, your mum just wasn't ready to be a mum at the time, but now, maybe she feels like she missed out. He needs to tell them that he never stopped mum from visiting them, etc.

With regard to the ""mom is taking us shopping for clothes this weekend...unless you do", put it back on them. Ask them who they would prefer to take them shopping. Or tell them you hadn't planned to take them shopping, so if their mum wants to take them, that's fine. Stop letting it upset you. Why does it matter if their mum takes them shopping?

Whatever is being said, you need to only respond positively. Don't ever put their mother down, but find a way to put it back to them. Eg. Your mum is right, I am not related to you by blood, but I love you very much, and you can love anyone you choose to, just as I love your dad, and we aren't related by blood either.

Anyway, you really just need to find ways to turn it around into a more positive conversation for them. There is no point being upset at their mum, because you can't change her, it's a wasted emotion.

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Sdg147 - posted on 05/13/2013

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Thank you for your support, Joan. Appreciated. I just hope that when they get older they will remember that i was and always will be there for them.

Sdg147 - posted on 05/13/2013

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Thanks for your advice....much appreciated. Sometimes i just feel overwhelmed by it all. The girls visited their mother this past weekend and both missed school today due to illness (again). Every visit is the same with the girls returning home ill. My husband and i have reported it numerous times to the court appointed coordinator. It is very frustrating how the courts deal with these situations. I understand that in order for the girls to grow up emotionally stable they need a relationship with their mother, whether it is good or bad. But it is so hard to watch the headgames and health deterioration of these girls and there is almost nothing that can be done. We did actually present evidence in court of her using drugs and drugging the girls. She simply cried and told the judge she was a bad mother but wanted to change and be a good one now. The judge took her at face value because she is their birth mother.

Joan - posted on 05/12/2013

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It's going to be extremely hard but you have to be strong because I the end of the day she is still their mother. You need to communicate with them let them know that you are happy they get to spend quality time with their biological mother. They do not understand how you feel and its okay because you can't expect them to, they are teenagers. If she hurts them they will take out on you because they will not understand why... You need to have a talk with the children and let them know that no one can buy love. you have been there for them from day one and you are still their mother till this day no matter what.

Jodi - posted on 05/11/2013

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No, it's just us. When it says 10 mums have replied, it means there are 10 comments. It could be by the same people.

If they are still being drugged at her house, get some tests done to prove it.

Sdg147 - posted on 05/11/2013

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Quick question...i have a note that several moms have replied but only see one....how do i see the others. New to this site

Sdg147 - posted on 05/11/2013

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She was giving them gravol in their milk and hash in their food. I am a lawyer and fought for five years in court for my now husband....when moms admit and say sorry...all is forgiven. Harsh system for dads...and im a mom! Kids still come home sick after visitations but she is the Disney Mom...buys what they want and gives what they want...except time. Because girls always felt disadvantaged to their friends for not having a birth mom...they idolized her without knowing her. therapist recommended they get to know her so they knew their real mom and not just the hero in their minds. Girls come home sick and angry and then take it out on us. I get that in order to be heathly they need to have a relationship with their birth parents but sometimes i wonder where society should draw the line

Jodi - posted on 05/11/2013

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"Mom is with her fifth "sugar daddy" and admitted drugging the girls when they are there to "tolerate" them."

Uh, what drugs is she giving them? If you can get evidence of that, you may be able to put a stop to it.

Jodi - posted on 05/11/2013

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I totally understand it must be really hard. But hang in there. They will come around. It must be difficult for them too, remember that. Keep trying to be really positive for them, and they will see how much you love them.

Sdg147 - posted on 05/11/2013

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I have a son who is 16 and the girls have always thought of him as their brother. The love him and he loves them. Since their birth mother has come into their lives, they cry and say their "real mom" says he is not their brother and they cant love him. Their mother has admitted that she only wants financial support and will do whatever she can to "win" the girls over. It is killing their father and i because we have raised and loved them Forever. Mom is with her fifth "sugar daddy" and admitted drugging the girls when they are there to "tolerate" them. We were five years litigation but moms win in court. While we have custody due to her drugs and behaviour, she still is able to influence them. Will the girls eventually figure it out?

Sdg147 - posted on 05/11/2013

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I have done nothing, as i really dont know what to do. They are not happy there but use it to their advantage (i.e. "mom is taking us shopping for clothes this weekend...unless you do". There is definitely brainwashing...the things they come home saying, for example, "mom says you are not our family and we cant love you because we can only love family and only blood is family". And..."we never saw mom because you wouldn't let her and she was afraid of dad". Tons of stuff like that. By the way, she left when her oldest daughter was two weeks old. Her daughter was premature and was fed by a tube on the baby finger of her father while her mother partied in Hawaii. She came back when she ran out of money, "accidently" to her distress got pregnant with daughter number two and promptly left. I met father when youngest was three...raising girls on his own.

Jodi - posted on 05/11/2013

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You do nothing. You have to accept that she is in their lives, and it appears they are enjoying that. I don't think it is fair to say she is brainwashing them unless you have proof of that. Maybe they are genuinely happy. I understand you might feel hurt, but remember, they WILL recognise that you are the one who raised them. Right now, they are young, and teenagers tend to be very focused on the present, but eventually, they will grow up and understand the situation for what it is. I'm sure they love you very much.

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