I just found out my 14 year old daughter has been sneaking out of the house on weekends, to be with a 19 year old boy.

Ashley - posted on 10/14/2011

Ok, first off I just want to say I understand your feelings ...you want to protect your daughter from her own mistakes, & as a mother its natural to place a lot of blame on this boy. Lets just remember, at his age., he is still a kid too. Boys mature a lot slower than girls do. Chances are it wont work out but you should meet him, get to know this guy that your daughter has feelings for, it will also help you understand who she is becoming as a young woman.definitely have the sex talk with both of them, teen pregnancy is not an easy road & make them both aware they will be responsible for their own actions...in other words MOM ISN'T GONNA CLEAN UP YOUR MESS & RAISE YOUR CHILD, IF THEY DO IT ITS ON THEM! I know it sounds harsh but they both need to meet reality! Good luck hunny!

Michelle - posted on 10/14/2011

well i can relate to having a teenager. i have 13 y/o daughter who will be in 14 in february. im dreading it but i cant keep her little forever. did u ask her where she met him? i think u should have her checked out to make sure she is still a virgin, get her tested for drugs/alcohol. ask her if all they do is hangout, then try suggesting that he go over ur house while ur there and have them hang out in the living room and then have a limit of how long, i mean being friends is ok, but if they are having sex then report him to the police.

Georgia - posted on 10/14/2011

I still reckon she should be punished for breaking house rules by sneaking out, and told that's why she's being punished.

Georgia - posted on 10/14/2011

Teresa, you're exactly right! When we were teens (in the 80s for me), all the same stuff was happening but we saw it from the other side. It was no big deal to us, just something that was happening. Now, apparently we are all freaked out mothers.



While it's a scary thought of our young kids growing up, the best way to allay those fears is to make sure you are talking with your kids from a young age about sex and sexual matters. If you've done your job and keep lines of communication open, then it's easier to help guide your kids into making better choices. If you wait until they hit pre-teen years (10-13) before talking to them about sex and sexual consequences, you've waited too late.



Also, this "fear of mom" thing by taking her to an OB icould backfire long term. She may fear her mother (which will mean she will NEVER talk or listen to her openly again), but worse than that she may fear the OB. It is important for girls and women to go to the OB/GYN on a regular basis for pap smears. That can be a matter of life and death! Seriously, if she's fearful of the GYN, most likely she will NOT go for regular check ups when she's older and could put her reproductive health and possibly her life at risk. Is it really that important to you that she fear you at the expense of her life?

Brenda - posted on 10/14/2011

Call the police on this 19 year old young man...She is a minor and he is of age...

Teresa - posted on 10/14/2011

This generation is no worse than any other generation. It's just scarier looking at it from the perspective of the parent.

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

yeah my sister got pregnant at the age of 16 yrs old but this genration are having sexual interecourse and drugs and hanging around bad crowd at agers 11,12 13yrs old getting pregnant

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

P.S KEEP US POSTED WITH THE OUTCOME OF THIS MATTER PLEASE BEST OF LUCK

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

so how else can we help this poor mother,god Im treading when my 4 kids are teenagers, Take to the OB office get her tested for drugs sexual diseaes and involve the police I really wish you the best of luck

Teresa - posted on 10/14/2011

Just one word about the 80's (since apparently they were great times)..... my cousin got pregnant at 14 in the 80's....

Darlene - posted on 10/14/2011

I do not recommend taking away her cell phone. A similar situation occurred here in our home town and when the young girl disappeared, there was no way for police to track her whereabouts by tracing her cell phone. Turned out she was off with him but would have saved a lot of people a lot of worry. She's probably communicating with him through friends' phones at school. I do recommend going to the police.

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

thanks

Sherri - posted on 10/14/2011

Sharlene your name comes up at the top of every post you don't need to put your name in every post. Hope that helps.

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi there sharlene here judy your exactly right but some of the people think were just over acting she a 14 yr old school with great concerns if that was my daughter I would involve the police

Dianna - posted on 10/14/2011

If this guy is going to her school or in the same district I would contact the school and talk to the Resource Officer that most schools have and have them handle it. They will get involved and possibly scare away the guy from her and where she is a minor they could possibly get charges pressed against him. If your school doesn't have a on duty officer, call your local sheriff department and get them involved and find out everything that they can do for you. You want to scare your Daughter with the dangers of the situation. Your doing right with the punishment just keep on the situation and make sure she is not out of sight at all. It is a lot of work to stay one step ahead of them but it will work out someday. Just keep reminding her that you lost her trust in everything and that she will have to start earning it back slowly if she ever wants a life! Good Luck!

Judy - posted on 10/14/2011

She is underage for a 19 year old which makes it illegal for him to be with her...Talk to his parents and let him know he could be charges for being with a minor.

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi christine you sound very blessed of your four children good luck darls

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi there I agree with kathy message take her to the OB OFFICE and get her tested for evrything then fear of mom might be able to hedlp her daughter but explaaining why she sneaking out behide her moms back I dont know

Christina - posted on 10/14/2011

Great advice! If and when my girls start acting in a suspicious way and all, I will definitely keep that in mind. We actually threatened our son with drug tests, so that will work for the girls.

Christina - posted on 10/14/2011

Yeah, right! I don't know what I can say here without being censored, but I was 17 and a 26 yr old man wanted me for one thing. 19 yr old, I have a 19 yr old boy and I know what they think. We keep talking to him and he hasn't been out with any girl. He enjoys staying home with us, but eventually he will venture out. We warn him about staying away from young girls and he understands the consequences if he does: pregnancy, child support, jail.
Just talk to her gently and that can go a long way. Two boys: 22 and 19. Neither has babies now or coming. Two daughters: 14 and 11 and both think boys are gross, and kissing is extremely yucky! We talk a lot, even dad talks to them. I wish you luck. As with all children and parents, what works with one, doesn't work for all, but any advice is worth looking into. It took us a long time to learn to do lots of stuff, and our younger children gets the worst end cause we are smarter.

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi Shayne Im not saying she might be having sex but why is she sneaking out of the house behide her mothes back at the age of 14 yrs old

Kathy - posted on 10/14/2011

If you really want to put the "fear of mom" into her, haul her down to the OB's office for a pap smear and ask them to test for STD's. If she tells you she's not having sex, ask why you should believe her when she's been sneaking around behind your back and then have the tests run. Have her drug tested too, just to make sure she's not doing something else she has no business doing.

Christina - posted on 10/14/2011

No, we are going through this in the 2000's and even now.

Shayne - posted on 10/14/2011

The point im making is just because she's sneaking out to see a boy,doesnt mean she is having sex......

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

hELLO SHAYNE YOU EXPLAIN WHY SHE IS SNEAKING WITHOUT HER MOTHER KNOWLEDGEMENT IF YOU THINK SHE HANGING OUT WITH BROTHER,SISTER

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

You have 12 yr old to 14 yr old having sex then babies going on wellfare if I WAS THAT MOTHER i WOULD GET THE POLICE IN

Christina - posted on 10/14/2011

Too much privacy is the problem! We check our kids' phones, internet usage, and activities on a regular basis. Cell phones are checked for messages and contacts frequently without notice to them. We caught our son with porn and late night texting, so we took his phone away. There were a few times he ran our bill up with all those downloads up to a $100 or more. We made him pay out of his pocket for it plus took off texting priviledges. We control where they go and for how long. When our son drives to town, we know how long it takes to get there and back and if it is to get just milk, it shouldn't take much longer. We stay in touch and involved with them and talk with them about everything. Their questions are answered when asked and not pushed away. As long as they are minors, we stay involved and in control. What they do at school is something we can't control, but we can discipline when they get caught. We stay in touch with teachers and try to catch things ahead, such as sudden drops in grades. You cannot always be that cool parent, but I have heard my kids' friends say how lucky they are to have parents that care. We still have problems cause we can't be around them 100%, but we take care of what we catch by talking to them and not just disciplining. Now, for the sibling rivalry....argh!

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

yEAH BUT IT WAS THE 80S THIS GENRATION i CANT EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!

Shayne - posted on 10/14/2011

So Sharlene using that theory what youre saying is if you are hanging out with your older sister/cousin/brother etc youre involved in "incest"?
There is such a thing as "JUST HANGING OUT".

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi LAURA YEAH WE HAD THOSE ISSUES BUT LOOK AT THIS GENRATION NOW .U HAVE POP MUSIC THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE U HAVE 12 TO 14 YRS OLD HAVING AND BABIES THE DRUG AS IN ROCK AND OTHER DRUGS OUT THERE NOW THAT WE HAD POT.COKE AND STUFF

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi there Shayne why would else would she be sneaking out of her mothers house just hang out with a guy for that doesnt make sense to me I just hope she doesnt get a disease of some sort or get her self pregnant and 1 other comment on this matter put her on contracepies ythats just telling her yeah go out and have sex

Isobel - posted on 10/14/2011

In fact, they say that if you were to compare teenagers now to the teenagers of the past, this generation is one of the most well-behaved, educated, and intelligent to ever have been.

Don't believe the hype, there are plenty of great kids out there they just don't get all the press that the dumbasses do.

Isobel - posted on 10/14/2011

and Sharlene, which 80s did you grow up in? Everybody was on coke and quaaludes...it was the tail end of the sexual revolution where everything went (which was then brought to a screaming halt when AIDS was discovered).

Shayne - posted on 10/14/2011

I dont agree with it,but firstly you must ask yourself 1 thing before jumping to conclusions.And that is "ARE THEY HAVING SEX,OR JUST HANGING OUT?" If theyre just hanging out neither of them is doing anything wrong.
Regardless i still dont agree with it.

Isobel - posted on 10/14/2011

I would punish her for sneaking out and lying to you, not for dating this boy. I hardly believe that a 19 year old deserves a record as a sexual offender for the rest of his life because he had a younger girlfriend, and trying to keep them apart will only drive her straight to him and force her to hide more from you.

I would make sure she learns all about contraception, disease control, and all the other wonderful things behaving like an adult brings with it.

Rebecca - posted on 10/14/2011

you forgot the windows

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi there sharlene again I grew up in the 80s I just want to know what has happeneded within the last 20 yrs for these genrations now with relationships sex music a nd evryday things in life,Ive got 4 kids that are under the age of 8yrs old Im scared stiff when they reach teenage yrs !!!! PLEASE BRING BACK THE 80S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kathy - posted on 10/14/2011

The only way she will end up running into anyone's arms is if the parents let her by not taking control of the situation.

Kelly - posted on 10/14/2011

You coul actually force her into his arms even more what if she devotees to runaway with him unfortunately your gonna have to watch these punishments cos if he already got in her head she won't give up hopefully he will find someone his own age and leave her alone just becareful I know all this cos once upon a time I did this and ended up running away living with my boyfriend and his family for 3 years but ruined my education and got intO trouble alOt sorry to put a dampner on things goodluck

Sherri - posted on 10/14/2011

Sharlene you are wrong in the US it is 18.

Geanine - posted on 10/14/2011

Call the cops on the 19 year old boy!!! I never understand parents who let that slide. He isn't going to go anywhere if you dont. Any 19 year old who is hanging with a 14 yr old is a loser with no life who can't find a girl his own age. Call the cops before you become a grandma. Sorry to be a jerk but I hope u get it.

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi sharlene here from Austalisa our legal age is 18 yrs old thats when they class you as adult I known in America there legal age is 21 but surely the police could do something thanks

Geanine - posted on 10/14/2011

Call the cops on the 19 year old boy!!! I never understand parents who let that slide. He isn't going to go anywhere if you dont.

Heather - posted on 10/14/2011

Sharlene, you are absolutely right.

Heather - posted on 10/14/2011

After reading of the other posts I must say: DO NOT be more laid back, DO NOT try to be more of her friend than her parent, and DO NOT trust her. She has already proven that she can't be trusted. I do not get the mentality of being more laid back about the rules when your 14yo is sneaking out to see a 19yo man. If that is the attitude, why not just let them have sex in her bed? The mentality should NOT be that she has too many rules and that is why she HAD to break them, it should be that she does not make the rules, and she has to live by them.

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi HEATHER BUT WHAT IS A 19YR OLD YOUNG MEN DOING WITH A 14 YR OLD TEENAGER THAT MAKES ME FEEL SOOOOO SICK

Charlotte - posted on 10/14/2011

Beware! My daughter at that age snuck out of the window to see the boyfriend! I am happy to report that she has made it to the age of 33!

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

Hi kathy thats fine I just hope that this mother will get through to her daughter before its to late so other mums out there come back with feed back to help this poor mother out all the best kathy

Kathy - posted on 10/14/2011

Heather, I'm glad it worked out better for your daughter. I don't get the "let's have him over for dinner" thought. If he was coming over to my house, he would be introduced to Smith and Wesson!

Kathy - posted on 10/14/2011

Thank you, Sharlene! I am new to this site, so I hope my jumping in is OK. My heart goes out to this mom and I hope everything works out for her and her daughter. My 20 year old nephew is dating a 16 year old and it makes me sick to my stomach that her parents think it's OK. Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to do anything other than make snide remarks about how he needs to keep checking his rearview mirror for the local sherrif.