i just wanna have fun

Taryn - posted on 05/28/2012 ( 45 moms have responded )

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doesnt get to do as much fun things as before :( miss haven frends

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/29/2012

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Well, Taryn, my kids have gone to movies, restaurants, races, demo derbys, to the park, hiking, camping...all from the time they were 3 months old!

I'm not saying that you can't have a date with your honey, but you have to plan for that.

Once our kids were born, we took them with us. If the venue wasn't for kids, we usually didn't go. Once in a blue moon I would get a sitter and we'd go out alone, but neither of us enjoyed it as much as we did before we had kids.

There's nothing wrong with babies in public, as long as you aren't one of those parents who lets them cry incessantly, or be complete brats (You've seen those, they're the ones that you trip over when you're out anywhere, and their parents are no where in sight)

You obviously aren't one of those parents, Taryn, because you're concerned about taking her to restaurants, etc. But, really, like I said, as long as you choose appropriate venues (no black tie restaurants, for example) she really can go with, and it's never to early to start teaching "public" behaviour. (The more you take her to say...Perkins restaurant...the more she learns that tantrums are not ok at the table, screaming for something you want is not ok...I've never had problems with little my ones in restaurants...LOL...It's once they get older and start getting teenager attitudes that I quit taking them out!)

Granted, I understand that you want some "you" time, which is really important as well. That's why I brought up the childcare swap. If you don't have someone to swap with, I'd suggest activities like "Mommy & me" times...Usually at your public library, or someplace similar. That gets you a peer group that is at the same level with their kids as you are with yours. A superb resource for many things!

Michelle - posted on 05/29/2012

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I get out, I volunteer at the boy's school, I work part time and I am secretary of the P&C at school. I catch up for coffee with other Mum's but always have my 2yo with me when the older ones are in school. I quite often have people around here for get togethers as well.

I never said that my life stopped when I became a Mum, I said my priorities changed. It was my choice to bring my children into this world and it's my job to be there for them.

Lauren - posted on 05/29/2012

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Is there a health unit or child care resource/community services type place where you live? I was 20 when I had my first and it was a big change... I was never even a grown up @ 20 so I grew up fast! Meeting other moms thru parent and tot drop ins and such were awesome ways to meet young moms and feel like a grown up. I changed EVERYTHING that I was to be a mom and I can tell that you're gonna do great!!! Hope this helps :-)

Sally - posted on 05/29/2012

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@ Michelle, it sounds like your life is very full and busy so i can understand why you want to spend your spare time doing things wirh your kids but Taryn sounds a bit lonely. She needs some adult company, to talk ,laugh relax. I agree things change when you have children but that doesn't mean that you as a person become a lesser person. I don't think she meant going out party etc. I think the young lady meant adult company to talk,laugh,debate but maybe with someone thay doesn't dribble. Xx

Sally - posted on 05/28/2012

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Having children can make you feel very alone . Try to get along to a mum and baby group. Not sure where you are,im uk but theres normally something like it,gives you a chance to make friendsTry to get out once every month for couple hours even if its just bunch of girls in someones house, have glass wine some pasta or pizza. Whats ever cheap. everyone takes a turn being hostess. Just because you have children does not mean that you cease to be a person.

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Margaret - posted on 06/02/2012

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You have to meke time to be with your friends when I had my daughter I stopped socialising for over a year the only time I went out was when my mum & step dad liked the people I went out with & agreed to babysit I ended up in hospital for 3 months with clinical depression my daughter is now with my cousin & I only allowed contact 4 times a year so make time for yourself its not selfish its neccassary

Sally - posted on 05/31/2012

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At the end of the day no ones wrong for wanting some adult time, it doesn't make you a bad prson to have a couple hours to yourself but then some mums wamt to be with their kids all the time, that doesn't make them wrong. We are all different. I umderstand where your coming from cos i lived in a new country and didn't know anyone. Got that bad for adult company i ended up chatting to the meter reader. Lol

Jodi - posted on 05/31/2012

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I get kid free time every week. Tonight is my kid free night actually this week! Many times, I go to my best friends house (after the kids are all in bed) and we rock out on guitar hero...cheesy, but we have fun! I hit up my neighbor for play dates, the kids play, and we get adult convo! Works out really well for me!

Taryn - posted on 05/31/2012

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thank you heather lol that makes me feel not so alone in being bored!!! and im not bored with my baby im just missing conversation instead of goo goo gaagaa lol

Heather - posted on 05/31/2012

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I know how you feel Taryn. I don't really have friends anymore so I get very lonely as far as friends go and I don't really have family close to where I live. I have a 6 year old and 3 year old and they're pretty much the only people I talk to. It'd be nice to have a girl-friend to talk to and hang out with.. Even with my children whom I'm with 24/7 unless it's the school year.
Just because you want friends doesn't make you a bad mom.

Mandy - posted on 05/30/2012

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Do you have any babysitters? I think a night out every month or so would do you good, everyone needs a break now and then. Good luck :-)

Taryn - posted on 05/30/2012

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oh i didnt say i wasnt happy, or depressed lol im just a little bored lol sometimes!!! well only wen my babys sleeping im bored lol ....

Zoe - posted on 05/30/2012

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i have read through the comments... and i have to say i think sally is right on.you can live your life, and have that glass of wine with friends without doing anything bad for your child. it's common sense - a happy mum is a happy child.

Taryn - posted on 05/30/2012

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lol yeh i try reading out loud to her all the time... she just trys grabbing the book lol

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/30/2012

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Ah, read out loud to her! She won't understand, but she'll hear momma's voice, etc...and you get to read! LOL...(and trust me, its either that, or hide the book in the bathroom so you can have 5 minutes...LOL)

Taryn - posted on 05/30/2012

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yes i think it would be nice... realll nice lol just to read a book without any interuptions

Lady Heather - posted on 05/30/2012

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I think the park is actually good for babies. Soon yours will be sitting. I used to just bring a blanket and a few toys and set ourselves up next to the big kids. Babies love to watch toddlers. Being outside in the fresh air is good for your brain.

I try to get out kid free every week now. Sometimes I just have coffee alone with a good book. A few hours really does recharge you.

Taryn - posted on 05/30/2012

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yeh its hard to keep your pre-baby friendships going if they dont have a baby as well lol ..... i love having friends with babys because then you can marvel over how wonderful eachothers babys are lol and relationships..... all my pre-baby friends are straight partiers and dont get me wrong i used to party now and then but not as much as your average teenager!! lol and once i had my daughter my priorities totally changed.... and i seen wat partier parents do to there children cuz its happening to my niece..... my mother is my nieces gaurdian both her dad(my brother) and her mom are alcoholics so she barely sees them both and shes hurt all the time , and i for one never want to see that hurt in my babys eyes !

Tatiana - posted on 05/30/2012

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All of my friends pre-baby have gone to different states for college (one actually had a baby too but moved)...so i felt pretty lonely...my sister who I used to hang out with all the time and had mutual friends with would always be going out and I'd be stuck at home. Not that I even wanted to go out and "party", frankly I was no longer in the mood for that; I think it was just the realization that my life had made a 180 and despite having my hubby by my side, I missed just "chilling" with my friends.
But through the years I've made friends with some other mommies in my neighborhood and while it's not the same as the kind of friends I had in high school and college, it's nice to get together from time to time (although it's almost always with the kids as well).

Heather - posted on 05/30/2012

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Your a mom now, things change, friends too, change. Try finding New friends with children also!

Taryn - posted on 05/30/2012

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yeh lol it was hard being so young and being a mother but you know i adjusted to it very well.... and yes it does suck that i missed my 18th party year lol but i wouldnt change it for anything i love waking up to my pretty girl, shes always sooo happy in the morning, and i should check and see if there are mother groups

Sarah - posted on 05/30/2012

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It must be difficult to be so young and have the responsibilities of a child during a time where most of your peers would be partying and having carefree fun. Motherhood is such a gift though. By all means, it doesn't mean your fun days are over (maybe the carefree part though!). In the two cities I've lived in since I became a mother, the local movie theaters sponsor "strollers and stars" events. Basically it's a matinee during the day. Moms go with their young kids (under 5), the lights aren't as dim, the volume not so high. I've gone a few times and had a really positive experience (and they aren't always kids movies either, usually like PG13 ratings). See if your local movie theater has one, or you can ask if they would host one. It's a great way for them to make a little extra money! Also look into meeting other Moms your age. Check with your local health unit and see if there's a mothers group for teen moms. Or they may also be willing to do a "mentor" kind of thing where you can be partnered with another teen mom who is now slightly older who can help support you. Most health units also have Mommies groups as well that you can attend. Look into your local programs available. In our province we have Strong Start programs, they are held at local elementary schools most days of the week and are a play group of sorts. It's a great way to meet other parents in your neighbourhood. Join a baby swimming class. I would also encourage you to take your baby with you on walks, to the park, to a restaurant with friends, etc. You need to use good judgement as a parent (no matter your age) and realize if the child is melting down because they're overstimulated or tired that you need to leave. But it doesn't mean you don't get to try! Your old friends may have different priorities than you now, but you can meet new friends!

Stifler's - posted on 05/29/2012

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you will find too that once she is walking and can go to the park it's much easier to make friends for play dates. when your baby is small you can still do everything you used to aka go out, have time for a nap, keep the house clean. this is only the beginning and i remember being very lonely and bored when i only had one child who just ate and slept and cooed and lay around.

Stifler's - posted on 05/29/2012

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Taryn at 5 months you most certainly CAN take them to a restaurant! That's the best time to do it before they start wanting to run off. Go at nap time put a blanket over the top if the pram and let her sleep while you enjoy your friends company for lunch or dinner. Me and Damo wend out for dinner and took logan with us every week until I got morning sickness pregnant with renae and we had less money. We still take the kids out for dinner or lunch with us occasionally. I'ts very good for socialising them and teaching them how to behave out somewhere nice.

Taryn - posted on 05/29/2012

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lol creativity can be verrrrry useful!!! lol but a reliable babysitter is in the making im slowely introducing my daughter to my moms frends daughter and shes awesome so maybe just maybe

Dove - posted on 05/29/2012

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I'll go back and read more posts in a minute, but I just got to the part where you haven't gone to a movie in 5-6 months.... I haven't been to a movie since I was pregnant with my 4 year old. lol I COULD go, but just the thought annoys me with how much money is wasted. Netflix is my movie 'escape'. :)

Oh... and taking a 5 month old to the movie could be a heck of a lot easier than a 2-3 year old. If you time it just right she could end up sleeping through the whole thing. Granted, you have to be prepared to bail on the movie if she doesn't tolerate it, but if she DOES tolerate it....

Life/fun without kids doesn't have to stop when you have a baby, but you either need to have a reliable babysitter or get creative. You can do it! :)

Taryn - posted on 05/29/2012

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awe i so cant wait until my babys older itll be awesome i got big plans for our family!! :D

Brittney - posted on 05/29/2012

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I know what you mean, I still had all my friends when I got married and pregnant at 18 but once my daughter was born, they went off to college and I stayed home. Most of my friends decided to go to a college very far away so I never get to see them. I make things fun though. I go out to parks and get on CoM and Babycenter to chat with other moms. My daughter is almost 2, so I don't have to entertain her much. Just occasionally ask her to say her ABC's or count for me! That makes my day!

Taryn - posted on 05/29/2012

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lol yeh i dislike the partier moms as well !! i see alot of women like that in my own family, so seeing the sadness in my nieces makes me hurt.. and i dont want to see that face on my babygirl

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/29/2012

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Nah, you don't have to spend money to have fun, Taryn!



I realize that I used some things that aren't options because of location...hiking, camping, etc.



Ok...so do you have anyone that you can leave that precious one with for an hour or two? I was luck in that with my boys. I'll keep thinking of other things, as well.



ETA: No problem with teen moms here. Besides, you're 18, so not so much teen anymore! The moms I have problems with are the "partiers"...and those happen at ANY age, unfortunately.

Taryn - posted on 05/29/2012

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ok now i see what your saying! :D i was just thinking you were judging me because iam a teen mom ! yes i had a baby young but i changed everything i was to be with my babygirl! i dont want to be how i use to be i want to be better at everything including being a mom !!! because im not the typical teenager that wants to party!! or get super drunk to live it up !!! im the type of person to want to have a good sober time!!i wish hiking would be a choice cuz that would be so awesome, like other people i cant afford to have those fun trips .... i see all these wonderful families that go on trips and go out and have fun .... from were i come from we didnt do that so im hoping i can !!!! but back on topic i just want to be a bit more social lol

Taryn - posted on 05/29/2012

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mind you guys im 18 years old!! lol so my baby isnt walking or even crawling for that matter!! i cant wait till she is cuz then i'm going to take her everywhere!!! but i cant really take her to a movie can i !! or to a resturaunt without her getting mad!! and i cant take her to a park yet either !!! so theres not much you can do with your baby when theyre 5 months old .

Taryn - posted on 05/29/2012

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excuse me but im not saying that i dont have fun parenting !!!!! i do have fun parenting !!! its just i get bored once in a while!!!! and mind you this is coming from a girl that hasnt went to a movie for like 5 almost 6 months!!! i wanna go on a date with my man !!! .... and i do include my baby in my fun ALLLL the time!!! so dont think i dont enjoy being a parent, because i wouldnt change my life for the world...!!! everybody keeps thinking the wrong thing .....only a couple of you women get what i mean by having girl time.....

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/29/2012

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Parenting IS fun, dear. You just need to find the joy in it

I volunteer in classrooms. My husband and I go out for a drive. We take the kids out for activities, etc.

Yes, "me" time is important, but you have to learn to balance that. Childcare swap is good for that. I'll watch yours for an hour, and you can watch mine for an hour.

In my experience, it's those who say "I don't get to have any FUN anymore" that end up having a hard time parenting, because they won't include their kids in their fun times.

Taryn - posted on 05/29/2012

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ok and yes i am probably younger than all of you, but my priorities arent any different from yours... i love having family time with my babygirl, but when you start to notice you dont talk to anyone or do anything, like all of you my baby is my bff and i talk to her everyday all day lol , i just want someone that can reply to talk to. >:S

Taryn - posted on 05/29/2012

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Garunteed our priorities change, but you can't just lock yourself in motherhood forever.... you got to treat yourself to a great time... whether its going for coffee with friends or having a glass of wine with a girlfriend.

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I didn't have a major social life before my son, but for the most part if I have something I want to do I simply take my son with me. I'm not saying I never have time without him, but I don't feel like I've given anything up, I just take my son with me and include him.

[deleted account]

I sometimes go out for coffee with a friend, I also have another small group of friends that I go out to dinner with occasionally. I don't do it frequently but often enough to stop me from going mental!
And those of you that know me will know that I like to out riding on my horse to catch a bit of quiet time.
Taryn, do you have a friend or even an acquaintance that you might like to get to know better? Perhaps you could suggest a coffee date to get the ball rolling? It's a small start but it could be just what you need :-)

Sally - posted on 05/29/2012

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I don't understand people that think once you have a baby thats it, you as a person cease to exist how very boring for the child to have a mum with no outside life to bring colour and infomation. Imo ,its good for mums to get out now and then. Think it makes rhem happier which has got ro be better for children but that is my opinion and i know some people do not like t leave their kids.

Michelle - posted on 05/29/2012

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But when we become parents our priorities change. Now a fun time for me is taking all the kids to the park or zoo. I catch up with some of the school Mum's for a couple of drinks every few months but I don't feel I need time away from the kids.

Stifler's - posted on 05/28/2012

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I still go out. On sundays I leave the kids with my husband and go out for "coffee" with my friend which turns into shopping, lunch then returning to the house at 3pm. Sometimes I go out saturday night after the kids go to bed when I know damo has to get up to them the next day.

Taryn - posted on 05/28/2012

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and sally that is exactly what iam talking about .... but honestly michelle just because were parents doesnt mean we have to stop living our lives.... theres soooo much ways to live your life with your babys and to also be your own person whether its once a month or once a week.

Taryn - posted on 05/28/2012

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i was never a party girl to begin with im talking about going to a movie, or going swimming !!!! and i do notice every little amazing thing my babygirl does each day .... :)

Michelle - posted on 05/28/2012

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Welcome to parenthood, your life is never the same once you have children. Revel in the little things your children do each day instead of wishing you could be out partying.

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