I know this is not about kids but I need to know

Lori - posted on 02/03/2009 ( 387 moms have responded )

237

47

18

I have a control issue with my hubby, here is what happened... just tell me what you think... we were sitting at super bowl with a bunch of friends and some people that we did not know and I made a joke that imbarassed him and he bumped the back of my head to remind me of my manners and it really made me mad, other friends went with the joke and everyone laughed... he says that I should not think he is treating me like a kid all the time... what do you think? Was he?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Perdita - posted on 02/03/2009

1

0

0

GET OUT OF THERE as fast as you can ,take you'r kids and NEVER, never,never, never, never, never, never, never, look back, go some where totaly unexpected,or go to a womans refuge centre (come on they will never change)remember you are a strong woman and you DO NOT need a man to survive.He may say he loves you but ask yourself one thing ......Do you love you'r self........ because that is 10x more important. Save yourself save your children, i do not want to turn on the world news and see you'r name in the headlines,BE STRONG !!

Debbie - posted on 02/03/2009

69

12

7

I think (IMO) it's one of those things that you were probably both a little in the wrong. If you made a joke that he was the brunt of, i can certainly see why he would get upset. Just because everyone laughed doesn't mean it's ok to not consider his feelings.

That being said, I do NOT think he went about it the right way. He should have perhaps exchanged a glance with you and then later talked to you in private. Work on non-verbal communication with him. Find ways of signaling each other in public that will not make a scene.

Good luck

Stacey-Marie - posted on 02/03/2009

179

17

13

I think his action was extremely disrespectful, especially in front of others. Everyon else laughed so whats his problem?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

387 Comments

View replies by

Yamini - posted on 02/18/2009

4

5

1

hey ! chill !!! it happens sometimes ....you see he in some way felt stupid or belittled by you .....maybe he wasn't in a mood to joke...give him the benefit of the doubt and try to put him before you for a while and see how he takes it...but do sort the issue out with him before it escalates into this ball of unsaid and angry feelings

Yamini - posted on 02/18/2009

4

5

1

hey ! chill !!! it happens sometimes ....you see he in some way felt stupid or belittled by you .....maybe he wasn't in a mood to joke...give him the benefit of the doubt and try to put him before you for a while and see how he takes it...but do sort the issue out with him before it escalates into this ball of unsaid and angry feelings

Christina - posted on 02/17/2009

12

4

4

i honestly can't answer this question because i don't know how your relationship is. My fiance and I play like that all the time, but that is the type of relationship we have. If making jokes like that is out of the usual, then perhaps....

[deleted account]

Well I would not even treat my children like that. If he is upset about anything, he should speak to you about it like an adult would and not behave like a barbarian and hit you. He is behaving like a bad mannered child, not treating you like one.

Shannyn - posted on 02/17/2009

3

36

0

Hey Lori,



Well, where to start, I was in a relationship that started with little things like that, Making him feel embarrased infront of his friends, not living up to his demands of me, even though noone else saw anything wrong with me, I was always in the wrong.No matter how much I tried it was never good enough and then it all started. Before long I was fearing for my life and the life of my unborn child to him. Over the years I stayed with him thinking he would change, but he never did. The worst thing I found though was that I had changed, I had lost who I was, what I wanted, all my friends had pretty much disappeared and I lived in constant fear that I would do something to set him off. I guess the moral of the story is that I really want you to be careful and make sure YOU are happy, not him, if he cant handle a little bit of fun, do you really want to stay around and find out if there's more he doesnt want you to do? Because at the end of the day, your happiness and security is more important than anything he can give you if it isnt sincere. I really do wish you goodluck and hope he is the man of your dreams and made one mistake, I think it's deplorable what he did and he had no right to act like a petulant child.



Goodluck to you

Ajsha - posted on 02/17/2009

8

16

0

To me something does not seem right with what happened. I got upset with my husband and I popped the back of his head. I know when I did it I was wrong. It turned into alot more. Keep an eye out because that might be the first signs of controlling or physical abuse. Also you dont want your kids to see this behavior.

Ajsha - posted on 02/17/2009

8

16

0

To me something does not seem right with what happened. I got upset with my husband and I popped the back of his head. I know when I did it I was wrong. It turned into alot more. Keep an eye out because that might be the first signs of controlling or physical abuse. Also you dont want your kids to see this behavior.

Kyla - posted on 02/17/2009

3

7

0

He shouldn't treat you that way.  If he was embarrassed, he could have waited until later and told you that whatever you said made him uncomfortable.  Was the joke about him?  If so, then I can better understand his reaction.  If it was just an off-color joke and you were with friends that you knew would appreciate it, well, that makes his response over-reactive, for sure, and pretty disrespectful.

Kyla - posted on 02/17/2009

3

7

0

He shouldn't treat you that way.  If he was embarrassed, he could have waited until later and told you that whatever you said made him uncomfortable.  Was the joke about him?  If so, then I can better understand his reaction.  If it was just an off-color joke and you were with friends that you knew would appreciate it, well, that makes his response over-reactive, for sure, and pretty disrespectful.

Kyla - posted on 02/17/2009

3

7

0

He shouldn't treat you that way.  If he was embarrassed, he could have waited until later and told you that whatever you said made him uncomfortable.  Was the joke about him?  If so, then I can better understand his reaction.  If it was just an off-color joke and you were with friends that you knew would appreciate it, well, that makes his response over-reactive, for sure, and pretty disrespectful.

Bree - posted on 02/17/2009

5

11

0

what he did was mean and disrespectful. If my husband did something like that (which he knows better and would never do something like that in the first place) i would have drop kicked his ass and reminded him that im the wife not a child.

Wendy - posted on 02/17/2009

4

14

0

If your hubby can't take a joke then there's not much you can do. My ex did that all the time. He could embaras me all the time but if I did that to him...... That is why I now call him my ex. Tell him that by 'disaplining' you like that is treating you like a child and if he can't take a joke, than he should leave an not ruin your good time.

Wendy - posted on 02/17/2009

4

14

0

If your hubby can't take a joke then there's not much you can do. My ex did that all the time. He could embaras me all the time but if I did that to him...... That is why I now call him my ex. Tell him that by 'disaplining' you like that is treating you like a child and if he can't take a joke, than he should leave an not ruin your good time.

Stacy - posted on 02/17/2009

4

7

0

Quoting Stacy:



We'll if it was done hard enough to hurt, I'd have been mad.  Otherwise, I think I would just laugh it off.  Afterall you were making fun of him first and sometimes we need to go with the joke.  Don't dish it out if you can't take it, kind of thing...





ok, so that was wrt just the Superbowl incident.  I read some other comments that were more insightful into your situation...ultimately you control you.  If he's hurting you, get out when/while you can.  That's what missions are for.  Best wishes.

Stacy - posted on 02/17/2009

4

7

0

We'll if it was done hard enough to hurt, I'd have been mad.  Otherwise, I think I would just laugh it off.  Afterall you were making fun of him first and sometimes we need to go with the joke.  Don't dish it out if you can't take it, kind of thing...

Kaytee - posted on 02/17/2009

4

22

0

I believe his ego was affected by the joke, that may have triggered the bumping of the head..though he should not have done it. tell him outright that you should not be treated like that in front of people. if it happens again, i think he really has a problem.

Shannon - posted on 02/17/2009

5

21

0

i would sugest first of all adress his imbarassment, then let him know your feelings about how he treats you in away you don,t like and remind him your his eqeal and not his employee .don,t wait for a responce just let him know he needed to hear what you had to say and carry on with your day or what your doing . if he gets up set thats his stuff to deal with and he,ll get over it but what you said he,ll think about when he,s cooled down

Shannon - posted on 02/17/2009

5

21

0

i would sugest first of all adress his imbarassment, then let him know your feelings about how he treats you in away you don,t like and remind him your his eqeal and not his employee .don,t wait for a responce just let him know he needed to hear what you had to say and carry on with your day or what your doing . if he gets up set thats his stuff to deal with and he,ll get over it but what you said he,ll think about when he,s cooled down

Shannon - posted on 02/17/2009

5

21

0

i would sugest first of all adress his imbarassment, then let him know your feelings about how he treats you in away you don,t like and remind him your his eqeal and not his employee .don,t wait for a responce just let him know he needed to hear what you had to say and carry on with your day or what your doing . if he gets up set thats his stuff to deal with and he,ll get over it but what you said he,ll think about when he,s cooled down

Shannon - posted on 02/17/2009

5

21

0

i would sugest first of all adress his imbarassment, then let him know your feelings about how he treats you in away you don,t like and remind him your his eqeal and not his employee .don,t wait for a responce just let him know he needed to hear what you had to say and carry on with your day or what your doing . if he gets up set thats his stuff to deal with and he,ll get over it but what you said he,ll think about when he,s cooled down

Kim - posted on 02/16/2009

9

6

0

YOU NEED TO REMIND HIM THAT IF HE FEELS YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE THAT YOU CAN DISCUSS IT AT A LATER TIME SO AS TO NOT CAUSE A SCENE, BUT THAT HIS UNWANTED HANDELING OF YOU COULD BE MORE OF AN EMBARRESMENT TO BOTH OF YOU THAN WORDS. yOU ARE NOT A CHIILD AND NEITHER IS HE SO HE SHOULD REMEMBER TO REACT IN AN ADULT WAY. i ALWAYS MANAGE TO PUT MY FOOT IN MY MOUTH, AND WE TALK ABOUT IT LATER OR VICE VERSA. NEVER ANY PHYSICAL CONTACT.

Jaylene - posted on 02/16/2009

2

6

0

Your husband should NOT bump the back of your head as if he is correcting his child. If he is willing to treat you like that in public what might he be willing to do in private.

Rebekah - posted on 02/16/2009

2

12

0

after reading a good chunk of everything, I feel as if I am where you are. My husband has never put a gun in front of me but we have gotten in many fights where i fear what will happen. He's come home drunk and thrown things around and screamed for no reason. Constantly accusing me of cheating when I'm the one who stays home. So, my advice is do what you believe in your heart of hearts is right, it's not gonna be easy, but if it's the right thing in the end you will be glad.



If you've given him second, third, fourth chances than that's your answer...he is not gonna change. You can't change people and their behaviors but you can change your life, and your kids need to see that you're a strong woman and can do it. The best of luck to you.

Kira - posted on 02/16/2009

5

12

0

I don't know if he was treating you like a kid or not, but as your husband, he shouldn't have put his hands on you all he could have done was politely whispered in your ear that it was inappropriate or whatever, if this wasn't the first time then you need to let him know that he is disrespecting you by touching you like that, and that there are other ways of handling the situation. If my boyfriend did that to me, well, he probably would have been cussed out and hit back, but thats just me.

Cynthia - posted on 02/16/2009

7

28

0

First of all, I would give him the benefit of the doubt as a first time offender that this was just a stupid mistake on his part... that said, I would sit him down when neither of you are angry and tell him that if he ever so much as lays a finger on you again, jokingly or otherwise, he can pack his bag and get out.  Bottom line, you want to be married for a long time, and as with any relationship, you and he will take turns saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or accidentally hurt the others feelings or maybe make the occasional off color joke - this can be discussed when both of you have had a chance to cool off. 



 



If what you said bothered him that much, I'm sure it didn't make matters better for him to look like a total ass in front of everyone.  It's not about treating you like a kid, it's about treating you like an equal.   Take no bologna!

Melody - posted on 02/16/2009

8

5

0

After reading all of this, GET OUT! GET AWAY FROM THE MAN AND HIS GUN! Do it for your kids if you don't think you are worth it, that will change in time, No one deserves that crap!

Nicole - posted on 02/16/2009

5

3

0

Thats VERY rude of him! My husband and I have had talks about similer things but we would never react that way in public!

Kirsty - posted on 02/16/2009

2

12

0

Im sorry hunny, but I wouldnt put up with that, would you expect anyone else or should I say put up with anyone else doing that to you?  I think that is rude. he could of said something like that to you without the hit on the back of the head! what was he thinking? Good luck, hope you can sort something out and put your foot down.

Shannelle - posted on 02/16/2009

10

18

1

In relationships our objective is to out love and out serve each other. This means whatever my husband likes I become selfless and do my best to make it happen for him as long as it does not go against my personal standards or beliefs and he should do the same for me. So if I do not like him making jokes on me publicly or privately he should love me enough not to do it. It is important to set standards of what can/cannot happen in one's relationship both privately and publicly.

Melody - posted on 02/16/2009

8

5

0

I have a boyfriend who jokes around all the time, good for him he can take it too.  It's really hard to tell the way he meant it from here, just don't let him do it again!



I did have a husband who constantly did that and when our daughter was 18 months old I realized the kids will learn what they live. So when he asked me "if I was ever going to settle down and be his wife?" After being with him for eight years, having a child and spending all of my inheritance starting a business together,I decided it was time he showed a bit more respect. He didn't really want me to answer so quickly, but we are now happily divorced.



I hope your story works out WAY BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TALK IT OUT seems that he didn't realize he was being a....um...man. :)



 

Rachael - posted on 02/16/2009

5

14

0

I just read the other comments & it seems its already been way worse than the super bowl incident. Seek professional advice on the help you can recieve to get out of this volitile situation before it is too late!

Rachael - posted on 02/16/2009

5

14

0

That is so wrong in everyway. Regardless of if he was embarrassed by your comment or not.I hope he doesnt do that to his children it could cause some serious self-esteem issues. Don't stand for it, it is simply disgusting behaviour on his part. My ex use to whistle to get my attention while in public as if I was his pet dog. Nip this one in the bud before it gets out of hand is my advice! Good Luck.

Jaime - posted on 02/16/2009

8

4

1

yes i think he was sorry to say i had a husband like that  four ten yes glad i am on my own as he was very controling and persive to if you like a chat i am always here



 

Jaime - posted on 02/16/2009

8

4

1

yes i think he was sorry to say i had a husband like that  four ten yes glad i am on my own as he was very controling and persive to if you like a chat i am always here



 

Karie - posted on 02/16/2009

3

13

0

If you feel that it embarrassed you then it is a problem.  Anytime some makes you feel less of a person that is a kind of a abuse.  Sometimes the person doing it doesn't realize they are hurting you.  Have you talked to him about it?  If not, approuch him on it, if it becomes a heated discussion then you know what you should do.  You should never let someone make you feel less of a woman.  If you don't speak out it will only get worse, trust me.  I wish you the best.

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2009

43

19

3

Quoting Jenny:

i dont think that was very nice! you should do it to him one day and see how it makes him feel one day! and do it infront of his friends! trust me men are like children you need to train them!


OMG!!! you have got to be kidding me.... You have never been abused. That is obvious. and wonderful. But you can't tell a woman that is in an abusive relationship to do this. it is like signing your own death certificate!

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2009

43

19

3

Quoting Kristi:



I think what is more important is, do you think that that is treating you like a kid?






Kristi, Please tell me you don't believe his behaviour is OK!?!? treating her like a kid or not he struck her!

Michelle - posted on 02/16/2009

43

19

3

omg!!! THAT is what upset him????????? oh girl you have problems. and this has been going on for 13 years. Hunny.. I read you have no family.. I am sorry about that. but if he hasn't seen this for 13 years... do you think he will with counceling? Maybe he will. but my ex did counceling and would you believe his counceler said in front of me and our daughters that I DESERVED to be hit and pushed????? umm NO. We are no longer married. and it isn't easy. but.. I am now a real human I am me. took me to divorce him to find the real me.



 I will pray for you. and pray you find a way to get the support and help you need in this relationship. HE should NEVER strike you (even a bump on the back of the head!!!!!) not in private,, not in front of people, and the people you were laughing?????? oh holy cow! Please find someone to talk to alone.. do the couples counceling.. but go to someone alone if you can. You need someone on your side to help you see that his behaviour is NOT ok.  It won't do any good to ask how he would feel if you did it to him. I know a lot of people have suggested that. but a man like that would not allow you to do it back. it would escalate to something more.



 good luck sweetie.

Jocelyn - posted on 02/16/2009

23

5

1

A few people on this thread have said that if everyone else was laughing, BUT was your hubby???



Degrading you by flicking your head is definitely wrong. Maybe he felt the joke degraded him, thus making him feel justified to degrade you, by bumping you.



I've made a joke embarrassing my hubby before and I didn't think it would upset him because everyone else thought it was funny too. But afterwards, he told me it made him sad. After I thought about it, I wouldn't want him making fun of me infront of other people either....especially if there's people there who don't know us and wouldn't get the joke.



I don't know the whole situation though; how often he treats you like a kid, so I can only relate to this current situation.



He shouldn't flick you infront of people, nor when you're alone. Not unless it's playful and it doesn't bother you. By the sounds of it though, it DOES bother you and you should tell him. If he really loves you, he should want to put your feelings first and do what makes you happy. Ask him though, if poking fun/making a joke makes him upset, and if that's something you should change to make him happy, too.



I hope this kinda helped? Just remember, you should both want to make each other happy. Try getting back into the flirtatious stage, where you both give compliments to eachother.  Seemingly harmless jokes and poking-fun sometimes have a negative affect, instead of the playful affect we intended.

Shell - posted on 02/16/2009

6

5

0

yes lori, we all ways do, it took me 5yrs before i plucked up courage,to leave. and daft as it sounds even though my new relationship is now where near as bad as what it was before, there is still tell tale sighns there, so again, even though we not breaking up but he moving out. and i feel likethe bad one. i think it men all over.   by the way i have sent you a freinds request.  i tried to add you on here but im not having much luck.

Shana - posted on 02/16/2009

7

12

0

communication is key to a healthy relationship. i also think that it may be a male thing to do. my husband does it but does so rarely, and i just tell him he needs to stop treating me as such and treating me like he does love and respect me as he says. tell your husband your feelings. however if this is indictive of things to come (other abuses) please see someone to help you both out.

Jenny - posted on 02/15/2009

2

2

0

i dont think that was very nice! you should do it to him one day and see how it makes him feel one day! and do it infront of his friends! trust me men are like children you need to train them!

Jenny - posted on 02/15/2009

2

2

0

Quoting Lori:

I know this is not about kids but I need to know

I have a control issue with my hubby, here is what happened... just tell me what you think... we were sitting at super bowl with a bunch of friends and some people that we did not know and I made a joke that imbarassed him and he bumped the back of my head to remind me of my manners and it really made me mad, other friends went with the joke and everyone laughed... he says that I should not think he is treating me like a kid all the time... what do you think? Was he?


 

Robin - posted on 02/15/2009

1

1

0

I personally think he was treating you like a kid. I use to be in a really contolling relationship. Thats how it starts most of the time. It started of pretty good and then everything started changing. It went from name calling to slowly hitting and pushing. I'm not saying that is going to happen in your case but I would be really careful and keep a watch on it. I'm sorry if i said something out of the way, but I know what you went through that night and it will make you feel like you are a little kid.

Theresa - posted on 02/15/2009

5

18

4

Quoting Lori:

I know this is not about kids but I need to know

I have a control issue with my hubby, here is what happened... just tell me what you think... we were sitting at super bowl with a bunch of friends and some people that we did not know and I made a joke that imbarassed him and he bumped the back of my head to remind me of my manners and it really made me mad, other friends went with the joke and everyone laughed... he says that I should not think he is treating me like a kid all the time... what do you think? Was he?



Honey, be careful! My ex husband treated me just like that and things only got worse from there. Now, I don't know your hubby, or what kind of man he is, but I think you should put your foot down with him and tell him how his behavior makes you feel. Hopefully you guys can work things out and he will start treating you with the respect you deserve! Best of luck to you!

Carlie - posted on 02/15/2009

9

21

0

i dont understand y the others laughed, did he make it as a joke or could u tell he was pissed off?? Id have serious words with him n tell him ur ur own person, u dont take orders on what 2 wear etc, how would he like it if u tried 2 own him?? grr some men lol xx

Mandi - posted on 02/15/2009

2

1

0

First of all no one but your mother should "remind you of your manners". I just left my husband of three years because of abuse. It started with him telling me what to do, then progressed into him beating me. No woman deserves that. Don't let the same thing happen. It may just be irritating now, but figure things out. If he will listen try and talk things out, if not, you may want to think about what's best for you. I'm not saying it will get worse, just prepare yourself.

Crystal - posted on 02/15/2009

6

15

1

I would say that there is certainly a better way that he could have handled it. Communication in a relationship is vital. That communication should happen by the way of talking. NOT the bumping the back of your head. I say maybe you should talk to him about this and then branch out into better ways that you two can communicate with each other. Good communication is everything, so ive learned.

Crystal - posted on 02/15/2009

6

15

1

I would say that there is certainly a better way that he could have handled it. Communication in a relationship is vital. That communication should happen by the way of talking. NOT the bumping the back of your head. I say maybe you should talk to him about this and then branch out into better ways that you two can communicate with each other. Good communication is everything, so ive learned.

Lisa - posted on 02/15/2009

25

20

2

Hi there was no need to do what he did.Thats somthing you mum would do to you Not you husband.

  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
  4. 4
  5. 5
  6. 6
  7. ...
  8. 8

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms