I lost my infant daughter at the age of 6 months and it will be a year december 9th and I am having a hard time with cry at odd times, anyone know how or anything that I can do to help the pain.

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Abi - posted on 10/24/2012

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hi everyone. we lost our daughter when she was 3 months old. she had contracted meningitis according to doctors and she was in NICU for almost a week before she died. they also told us that she has been born with a very rare disease which affected the heart and all the muscles, which in a very short time causes the organs to start failing. we had been playing with he saturday night and sunday morning we found her in her cot. everything happened so fast at the hospital, we were so scared when they put her in NICU, all we did was pray. we were positive for the first 2 days and after that the doctors told us she was in a coma, and chances of her recovering were none. we didnt know how,long she had been without oxygen and they said that the damage to the brain stem was too bad to heal. she passed away friday night at 20h08.

it was so much to handle i think my husband and i denied it, even during the cremation and service arrangements. i dont wish it on my worst enemy to have to cremate their baby. its been a month and a half now and i still cant handle it. there might be a chance that i cant have any more children after the c-section and its killing me. i cant bear to see people with their babies, their toddlers, i cry thinking about it. i cant get over her, she was the most beautiful baby, i dont know why things like this happen. i am a mess every day of my life but my husband is so supportive. being a mother was the best thing that ever happened to me, all the fear of the birth and having to care for a tiny person didnt matter when i held her. i have so much sympathy and support for anyone who has ever lost a child, especially a baby, it is the worst thing that could happen.

Heather - posted on 05/26/2009

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I am readin gthis for the first time today...I have a dear friend whom went full term and they lost baby minutes after he was born..hardest thing I had to help a friend deal w. But the thing she did for herslef and husband was join a group for parents that have also lost a child in infancy. they are the olny people who truely know what you are goin thru.

good luck..

hope you are doin well

Alicia - posted on 12/08/2008

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im soooorry to hear that i know how hard it is to loose a child unfortuneately we just have to deal with the pain as it comes have you tried counselling it does work for some.

dont feel like you have to hold back the tears, its been five years since my miscarrage and i sometimes still think about my child and cry. its natural all you can is not bottle it up talk about it and dont let anyone make you feel that you dont have the right to do so.

i promise you it does get easier i hope you will be ok.

my thought and best wishes are with you.

love alicia.

Velvet - posted on 12/07/2008

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You will be able to hold your little angel again someday, jesus loves you both he wont let you down. please cry it does help. love you.

Jade - posted on 12/06/2008

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While I have not experienced this, a friend of mine lost her son to SIDS. She told me ab out a great organization called First Candle. You can find it online. It is a support group for parents, grandparents, and families who have lost a child. I hope this helps.

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Surround yourself with friends and family. Take your time to grieve. You will most likely go through periods like this during this time of year or her birthday and such. Stay positive, get plenty of rest and make sure you're taking care of yourself. It is perfectly normal to get depressed. Talk to your doctor about possibly starting an anti-depression regime...even if it's just situational it may help at least boost your moral a bit. I'm so sorry for your loss. No parent should ever have to lose a child, especially one so young. You're pain will never fully go away, but it will get easier with time. Everyone grieves in their own way, and your crying spells are your body's way of coping with your loss. Allow yourself to cry, it's ok! Please, just make sure you're taking care of yourself in the mean time, and don't allow it to consume everything you do. It will get easier, I promise. I wish you the best in this holiday season. Please take care!

Nichole - posted on 12/05/2008

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Dear Theresa,

I am truly sorry for your loss. I know that me saying sorry does not help any and hearing people say sorry is hard because it does not help. I lost a son in '99, he was only 2 days old. He died because of being born to soon due to a tradgedy in my life at the time. For the longest time I blamed myself for what happened as I am sure you have done a few times in the past year. I do not know the circumstances of your childs death but I do know the pain. And I can say to this day even though it has been 9 years almost to the day since his death I still will find myself crying at odd times. Like when I hear the song tears in heaven I lose it not every time but sometimes I just lose it. The pain will never go away and I know that is hard to hear and I can not tell you an easy way to deal with it. Al I do know is that although you will never get over this hardship in your life you will one day realize that you are getting through it. Just know that you are not alone and that there are many people here in this group who understand what you are going through. Ad if you ever need to just chat message me I am willing to chat on phone also if you think you need someone to talk to that just understands a mom's perspective. I hope that you know it is normal to cry and just because it has been a year does not mean that your grieving any less especially with the anniversary of her death so near to you right now.

My deepest Sympathies,

Nichole

Pamela - posted on 12/05/2008

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Hi Theresa.

I Hope your a believer in God . She will always be with you . Trust in God and let him give you peace knowing that one day you will see that precious girl in heaven . If you can at this time of year , try picturing her in Jesus hands and him holding her..

Bev - posted on 12/05/2008

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Dear Theresa, I wish I could say I didn't understand what you are going through, but I can't! I, too, have lost a child before his time. He was 13 years old and was killed in a bike/car accident. As all the other mothers have told you...it is OKAY to cry...at odd times...anytime it is needed! That is our hearts way of releasing some of the pain and grief so don't hold back....let it out! It will be 11 years for me in February and it is still hard sometimes. It doesn't come everyday now anymore, but certain memories will trigger it or the date of death anniversary. Hang in there....it will get better. I've been acquainted with grief more than I want to know. Six months after my son was killed my husband died of a brain aneurysm leaving me with five other children...one of them a newborn of 2-1/2 weeks! I'm telling you this only to give you hope that I made it through and so can you. Journaling is a huge help as you can put your thoughts on paper to reflect on later to see your journey through grief. It is also a helpful tool that you can use to help someone else down the road years later. It seems logical to want to end the pain and grief, but it is actually facing it directly and dealing with it is how we help the pain. Covering or avoiding the pain will only make it last longer. My heart goes out to you....no one should ever have to bury their child...it's not fair, but no one asked us! It's our job to keep our focus and not lose sight of the big picture ahead. That's hard to do in the beginning, but hang on it will come. Feel free to contact me if you'd like. I know it helped me to have contact with people who "truly understood" my pain. Sending prayers and hugs to you and your family!

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Hi Theresa, my grandmother lost her son he would of been 52 this year and she still has days when she misses him and cry's you will heal in your own time and dont listen to anyone who tells you you shouldnt be upset there's nothing wrong with a good cry it makes you feel human and does you good

Debbie - posted on 12/03/2008

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Hi Theresa.

I have to say that I completely agree with what Robin Widick said.

It really is okay to cry, it is just a part of the grieving & healing process.

Like most of us who have replied, I too have gone through a similar pain, so though I don't know you I wish you all my love & hope all our prayers will help you & your family through the darkest times.

Erin - posted on 12/03/2008

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Theresa- Can't imagine what you're going through. My first son, Elliot, was stillborn at 41 weeks. It was awful. While it's not the same as what you're going through. After the first anniversary I decided that I didn't want his memory to be such a bad experience so I started focusing on how he changed me. There's a poem by Eileen Wernsman, "Because of You" (I think that's the title). I read it everyday and it makes me cry but it also makes me feel better.

Jackie - posted on 12/03/2008

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Theresa, although I have never lost a child I know people who have. You really should seek out grief counseling. There are therapists that do coping with the holidays seminars (which are usually free). Check out your local paper, church and ask friends, you would be surprised as to how many people will be willing help!!

Lorraine - posted on 12/03/2008

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Dear Theresa
Im really sorry 2 here off ur loss, i wudnt want 2 go through what u r goin through . My best m8 lost her oct o7 and i knw she has her good days n bad days , nothin will ever take away ur pain it will just get easier with time . On the anniverasary off the passin off ur daughter send sum balloons off with message frm each off you .She with the angels watchin over you n ur family .Sendin u all my love n hugs xx

Claire - posted on 12/03/2008

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I have nt lost any children and could nt possibly know how you are feeling but they say times a healer and i wish you all the best 4 the future take care xxx

Yehudis - posted on 12/03/2008

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Hi there Theresa,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

In Judaism, when children are taken from us, they are considered to have holy, perfect souls... I hope this is a comfort for you.

Cathy - posted on 12/03/2008

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I just recently lost my 2 1/2 year old son in June and his birthday is on Xmas Eve... so I really know how you are feeling. Crying is the most necessary and natural thing you can do to grieve...it's still fresh and even though I don't know when I'll be able to stop (maybe never), I try to think about him in my arms and giving me the hugs and kisses that I need to get me through... I was originally on lots of medication to numb the pain, but decided that his memory was more important than trying to forget the pain. My husband and I started a carepage for him for us to be able to write out a journal in order to deal with everything, and I have found it to be quite therapeutic to continue journalling to document our memories of him. I can safely write out my feelings and just let all of the emotions out...it kind of clears my head. I hope you are able to find comfort in knowing that you're not alone and if you'd like to chat, feel free to message me...

Just remember... our little angels are always going to be with us...forever... and someday, we will be reunited with them.

Sending hugs your way!

Robin - posted on 12/03/2008

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Hi Theresa. I lost my six year old son 19 years ago and I can tell you that I know what you are feeling. I dont think there is anything that I or anyone else can say to you to take away the pain. Crying at odd times is a part of the grieving and its ok. I still have moments where I do that. I can tell you that it will get easier and it will become less frequent. But it takes time and we all grieve in our own way. So please dont think that there is something wrong with you or that you are losing it. I read alot of books and I had to find away in my heart and mind that I could live with why my son was no longer with me. If you can do this then it can help you alot. But not all of us can find that. And thats ok. I still have issues with crying in church. But its ok. Thats just who I am and for some reason, it effects me that way. And because of that I dont go to church like I should. But that is how I had to handle it. I am sorry for your loss and I know the path you are on. I would love to talk with you anytime if I can be of help then I am here. Dont be hard on yourself....its ok to cry. I hope that I have helped in some way. Take care and god bless you and your family

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